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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 4: on and on

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Week 171

Day 1191 - 10/5 - Even more waiting

So it seems there will be even more waiting for repairs. I talked to the guy about the problems being worse. He seemed very willing to do another diagnostic for free. He even implied that they had specific policies in place for people like me who had stuff get worse after the job. That wouldn't surprise me at all. I'm still worried though. If they did the diagnostic already, why didn't the other issues get noticed? When describing my new issues, and going over the old ones again, he seemed to think it could be the catalytic converter (which checking online ranges from $50-175 for the part.) I thought that the point of the diagnostic was to 'trace the line' as it were to find all possible broken / not functioning parts. I don't know. The plan is to be there first thing in the morning and he'll check things out and see what's what. I guess we'll see then. I'm still likely to give them the benefit of the doubt because he seems genuinely understanding about money issues and willing to help.

I went to the less fancy restaurant last night to be sure I had the bandwidth for my friend's online work that I do. I went to the computer lab to do work for one class. The other class has no fixed due dates, so I'll worry about that later (after the car stress / issues are dealt with).

As expected, things seem very lonely and sad today. I saw half a dozen beautiful girls this morning. Campus is quieting down now at an early dinner time.

The cafeteria group seems completely gone. There are no more people I remember from those days. The tables are still getting pushed together in that area, but the people are different. I guess they have all moved on. I hope they stay in contact with each other. Life seems so much more sad when you are alone.

Day 1192 - 10/6 - Guess I got lucky

So the repairs are sort of solved. After spending 8 hours on the car, the mechanic said it looked like the previous owner tweaked every single setting and timing he could off of factory settings. So, over the next few days he said he'll tweak a setting and then it has to sit for 4+ hours before the next. And, after all that, it needs a new O2 sensor because the last one was completely killed by the messed up settings, which is another $225+ in parts and labor over what I already paid for the tune-up. I suppose I got lucky because the eight hours he spent was free, and the 3-6 more for the tweaking will be free. I guess they indeed did not do a full diagnostic like they said they would, as that would have indeed revealed that I would be in a world of hurt at like $500+ like 12 hours of labor (which around here is like $90-150 per hour depending I think), which easily would have totaled at more than the $1500 I originally paid and the car would have been scrap. There's no way I could have paid that. So, I'm lucky that the $500 I will have spent after these two things will be vastly less than it should have been, but it's very unlucky as that means I just lost everything I would have saved over the next year in the space of roughly one week. If I sacrifice and tweak my budget more I should barely be able to afford it. I'll have to check my bills, but I'll be lucky if I can buy any games at all in the next six months my budget goes to. It's not really good news, certainly no reason to celebrate, but I suppose had things gone differently it would have been far worse.

I suppose I can be grateful I had a decent Internet connection. With that I was able to do my next generation of system recommendations, and I got to watch a couple of shows. With as bad as the school connection is I likely couldn't have done either.

Guess that's all for today. Hopefully the car will survive the driving that I need to do over the next few days until it's all better (provided I do have the money.)

Day 1193 - 10/7 - Sort of vroom

The car is sort of better. It's back to about where it was before I first took it in. It won't be mostly better until Monday when the guy does the O2 thingy. It's going to be another almost $250. These two operations are just about everything I normally would save up in an entire year. Plus, that converter thingy is indeed dead. He'll clean it as best as he can, and it won't affect driving at all. But, it is connected to emissions, so there is no way I'd pass smog until it's fixed. With the part online ranging from $50-175 I'd guess that's going to be about $250 to repair as well. Since I don't have to worry about it killing the car I'll put it in the back of my mind and worry about it next year, after I'm past the holiday low pay crisis. I still don't know where I'll get the money for it. I don't remember doing smog last year, so it's very likely I'll have to do it this time when the thing is due in April.

Nothing really special for the day. The morning was sad and crazy what with dropping off the car super early, killing time until the place opened, then waiting until just about 2 for it to get done with this phase. I had a couple of hours free, then headed off to work, and that was it.

Nothing much else to say. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Day 1194 - 10/8 - No fifth gear

The car is still bad, but that's to be expected since it's not repaired until Monday. It has reasonable power in 3rd and 4th, sometimes 2nd, but 5th is effectively non-existent. It has no power or acceleration. What typically was my driving speed of around 65 MPH is pretty much the max speed now, and where I'm holding my foot for what would be 65-70 I'm running at about 50-55. It's effectively like 5th gear doesn't even exist. I shift out of 4th and basically stay that same speed, just at a lower RPM.

I suppose the rest of the day was ok - car sputtering, stuttering, and other issues aside. I slept in until about 11:30 at school, got caught up mostly I suppose from the troubled nights of worry about the car and needing to get up extra early for the drop offs. I went to the less fancy restaurant to get the half off burger where I dropped podcast 28 and updated some pages for the rabb1t PC stuff. I watched a few shows and tried to relax. It was pretty chilly though. It didn't rain today, but it's been pouring like crazy the past few days. What was 90F just about a week ago is more like 60F now, and the car is covered with moisture and frost in the mornings. I hope it returns to warm weather for a bit more, but it seems unlikely. In the evening before my work shift I started podcast 29, so that was good.

That was really my evening, nothing new other than that. Things are extra quiet now that my game sub was canceled. I've dropped a few forums because of that. Now I'm really only on one, which I could easily complete a check for once a day in about half an hour. It's a slow one. Seems there isn't much change to look forward to, unexpected or not. (Save for spending too much money continuing car repairs, which is more a necessity than a thing to look forward to.) I have a regular sized work shift tomorrow, but outside of that I expect my life will slowly crawl along unchanging.

Day 1195 - 10/9 - Want to go home

More than anything today I want to go home. I got to sleep in ok at school, and got to work ok after that. The car is still troubled, but somewhat manageable. I had an ok time at work. It was a pretty quiet shift, nothing really special though. After work I hung around for a bit in the office watching a show and having private time. I didn't want to leave, but I couldn't stay either. I went out to my car and just sat for a while. I wanted so very much to go home. But I couldn't. I can't. I don't have one. All my stuff, just about, is packed up in storage. I felt like staying there and crying. But I couldn't. There would have been little point. I suppose, for me, when I cry it's because I empathize with someone or some tragedy, or I do so because I am so very sad and it relieves stress and then someone reassures me that things will be ok and I feel better. I don't know when that will be the case anymore. Once upon a time I was nearly certain of it, but now... Now it's been more than three years and very little is different, and if bad were compared to good far more items would be on the bad side.

I must have sat there pondering what to do for a good 45 minutes. There was nothing I could do. Everything I can try I already try. So many things are out of my hands and I have so little power or control over my life... I just don't know what will become of me anymore.

Day 1196 - 10/10 - Seven hours for nothing

The car was supposed to be fixed today, but it wasn't. Instead I spent 7 hours waiting for the mechanic to show up. He never did. He supposedly had some kind of emergency. And he has tomorrow off, so I have to wait until Wednesday to try again. I'm ... upset that nothing got fixed today. I don't understand why he never showed up like he said he would in the afternoon, but more I don't understand why when they knew he likely wouldn't come in didn't any of the three mechanics who were standing around doing nothing do the job instead. Is he the only one skilled enough? Aren't they all supposed to be certified mechanics? I don't get it. It's like they just assume I'll get around fine. I told them I had noone else and I needed my car to get places. It's like they are forgetting my life and the lives of others are at risk with these issues. Sure, it's unlikely, but it's at the point where I can't use 5th gear at all. Tonight on my way from work to the hiding spot I was going 50-55 MPH most of the time. Around here that's dangerously slow. And it's been raining pretty heavily, so it's extra dangerous to be going slower than expected. I even saw someone whose trunk area was completely smashed in by someone rear ending them and their car's entire front engine section was all smashed up. (I think I saw two people standing near the cars so I think they were ok.)

What little there was that could be considered good today is greatly overshadowed by my complete waste of time. Sure, if I had a normal life and could just drop off the car and a friend brings me back home or to work, or I had money for a rental car or something, then yeah, it woudln't be as much of an inconvenience. But with my life, not having my car is a huge disruption in my daily routine. They don't seem to be bothered by the fact that I'm hugely inconvenienced by things like "I'll be in at 9" and then he doesn't show up until nearly 11, twice. Or that because he's off or out one day noone else does the work.

If the majority of this work weren't free I'd be so upset right now. Even though it is I'm going to be extremely mad on Wednesday if he's out again. Making me wait over the weekend to do it because they assume they will be too busy then not doing it first thing on Monday, and pushing it until Wednesday, is not ok.

Day 1197 - 10/11 - Day of rest

It's right around noon. Hopefully today will be a day of rest; though it's hard to relax knowing tomorrow may be yet another 8+ hour day of sitting and waiting for the car to be fixed.

I got to sleep in, so that was good. I actually feel not overly tired. I'm still a little tired, but with my constant depression and lack of a bed/home my sleep isn't what it used to be. I can't remember a time I woke up feeling awake and alert in any of my homeless days.

There really isn't any Internet connection to speak of wirelessly. I may have no choice but to leave campus if I want to connect to the world. It's sad really that I have the chance to be somewhere reasonably comfortable with private cubbies or somewhere with Internet connectivity. (I can get time on a landline based system, but that's really only good for watching shows, as it doesn't have my bookmarks or programs.)

I was hoping to look for jobs first thing this morning, but I guess that will have to wait. I briefly connected and got mails, nothing there. I'm considering doing my online class. It's basically watching a 45 minute show then doing a little assignment, but I think I'm more likely to regularly do that on Thursday. We'll see.

Since it's only noonish that's really all for today. More may or may not happen before I send this week out. Since I can't connect at the moment it's not going anywhere.

It seems, as it always does, this week ends with more sad than not. Rage is playable since it got a patch, but my system still struggles with it at times. I should be able to play and get through, so that's fun. It's becoming more what I expected it to be now that I'm past the first few hours. But it may be the last game I can get for six months or more due to all these car issues that have yet to be fixed, so that is overly stressful and frustrating.

Oh, I will be going to this Nvidia GeForce LAN 6 thingy on Saturday. So, if you are in the bay area and want to say hey to teh bunnah and are there I'll probably be there from about 1 on (I think they close for general entry at like 5.) I do expect to get sea sick since it's on a boat, so I'm not going to be there the minute they open. Well, unless there is a presentation or something I want to see in the morning.

I guess that's it for this week. Hopefully everyone out there is having a trouble free life.

Week 172

Day 1198 - 10/12 - Stalling

So the car is supposedly better, but it certainly isn't running like it is. It's still all 'blaaahhh' instead of 'vrrrooom'. Tonight when I was leaving work it stalled out twice when backing up. I had to floor the pedal to keep it from stalling while idling. On the way to my nighttime spot I was on the freeway going 45-50 in 3rd because 4th and 5th had zero power. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He said it would be bad/worse before it clears up, but if it's like this all the way until I do that last thing that needs fixing... I don't know how it will last until February when I have the money. I'm actually very worried about this weekend because if I have to go up any hills I just don't think it will have the power to do it at all. I barely has enough power to get into 4th on flat ground sometimes, and it can only go into 5th when going downhill. I don't know, maybe overnight a miracle will occur and it will have its power back tomorrow. But if not, if I have to keep flooring it to not stall out, if I keep taking ten times as long to accelerate through 1st and 2nd, if I keep having to over rev past a full gear when I should have shifted... I'm going to be very sad, very mad, and worry that the shop broke something and they are just hiding it from me.

Day 1199 - 10/13 - "Tell your sister you were right"

I was right about the car being messed up still. This morning it stalled like three times and I decided to take the car in again. He actually got there at 9 for once and I told him it was still messed up (though he didn't seem very interested in hearing the whole story about the issue. At about 5:30, 8.5 hours after he'd been working on it, he said yeah it was messed up and that the technician did something wrong (with the tune-up or fuel flush) and he cleaned out more yuck but he needs to plug some holes he made (to do the cleaning) and adjust the timing more. So it needs to stay there overnight for that. He was shaking his head about it all and saying he wishes he could have done it in a different order. I guess because we didn't do the diagnostic first there is no way to have had the information he has now. It is what it is at this point and all I can hope is it gets its power and drivability back tomorrow.

Trying very hard to focus on the positive... I got to watch Psych, which I thought was canceled because I could swear it's been like two years since it last aired. I watched another show too, and I was surprised that I had found four or five jobs to apply to. I got my wish about the weather. It's back up to the high 80s / low 90s. Though I think it will only last a few more days before the rain comes back. At least tonight it won't be so cold.

Time passes

I was playing one of my games just now. I was walking around on some city streets. Out of the corner of my eye I see someone. She is sitting at a bus stop playing a game on a hand held system. I pause and watch her for a minute. I can hear the game sounds. I thought to myself, "She's just like me. All she wants is to have a little fun and go home." But then I became very sad. I was so sad I couldn't continue playing, because she is not like me. While her scene doesn't change, the story will. When I finish in the area time will pass. She will be home. But not me. I don't know when I'll be home. And lately with all my troubles I have begun to wonder if I ever will.

Day 1200 - 10/14 - More repairs

So I spent yet another day sitting at the repair place completely not spending the day how I hoped. Despite the mechanic spending 6 hours on the car it's not a whole lot better. It does have a fair bit of the power back, I can drive in all gears again... ish... but it is horribly loud. Like hear it for a block or more kind of loud that could attract police attention. And, now he's saying the fuel issue and popping could be a timing belt issue, which he said is $200-300. So now, to fix my power and fuel issues he's saying I need that, and to make it not sound like a giant lawn mower or very loud cruiser motorcycle, I need another $500 or more for those past the $385 I've already spent. If I really ream my budget I may be able to save enough so that when my tax return comes I could have it then, but that's roughly four months before I'd have that money. While he didn't say the engine as really at risk I just don't see how it could last that long running as bad as it is. With the stalling and fuel issues in low gear, with the risk of being pulled over or followed from noise by police... I just don't see how I could make it that long.

And, this is all if he's right. He said my car has been the only one to be this troubled and puzzling in like five years. Bu is he right in his assessment of the issues? Should I get a second opinion before doing any more work? And if so, another diagnostic would likely add on $100, putting that figure closer to upwards of $750 than not depending on costs, on top of the $385 already spent. (I'll check into that next week. Someone suggested a local shop that has honest guys.) With my budget balancing to just about zero every month, with now only $15 in savings, there is no way I could even consider doing repairs quickly without getting some serious help. And that's with my game and movie budget already zeroed out for the next six months.

Day 1201 - 10/15 - I'm on a boat

I made it to the LAN event, barely. About half way there the car started losing power and I could only sometimes go to 5th gear. When I got off the freeway and stopped the engine stalled out from low RPM. There I was, on a freeway off ramp, some 50 or so miles from where my 'home area' is, stalled. Thankfully after a few minutes it started up again, but again a few blocks later it stalled. I made it to the event, though due to the rough driving and looks of cars I parked further away than I could have. I'm afraid that when I go back to the car it won't start at all. Hopefully it is just limited to short 20 or less minute trips and not completely dead. Though difficult, I could eventually get back. Either way, it seems I may have no choice but to request my money back and try to fix it elsewhere.

A line is forming for a something I want to do. No more time for sad writings now, more later.

Time passes

I feel sick. The car is not starting no matter what I try. Looking at the marked odometer it's used double the gas it should have. I don't know what to do. It seems safe here, so I might be safe here on this isolated road or in the park for the night, but I'm nearly 50 miles from my home area with a very hurt car.

I don't know what to do. I may very much have a dead car that's not sellable, leaving me with no car, no home, and no money to buy a new one. I guess I have no choice but to keep trying to get back to my home area.

Time passes

Midnight. Normally I'd be getting ready for sleeping about now. Instead I am outside of the event hoping a staffer happens to be going home somewhere on my side of the bay. I've been asking for the past 4 hours. I had someone imply they may help, but I haven't seen them since. I met a couple of nice brits coming over from the U.K. Nvidia staff. One said he had no idea what he'd o in my situation. I had a feeling if he's this important to fly over he would never be in my situation. Though extremely expensive a cab could get me home, or with a higher car insurance membership I'd have 100 miles of tow instead of 5 and been back in my home area already. We talked about my car troubles briefly, and I said my story got much worse and told them I'm homeless and gave them a rabb1t card. The other said, "There you go, you can't judge someone by first impressions." It sounded kind of like he was making fun of me, but I do think they did feel genuinely sorry and worried for me since I have no choice but to wait here possibly over night until everyone is leaving when I'll have a higher chance of a ride. Even then, when I do get back, what about my car? It would take upgrading my membership to get that 100 mile tow, and that's $100, which is everything I have in the bank. I'm going to see if the repair place will do it, but they don't have a truck, so they will likely say I'm on my own.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to sell the car I love, but I may have no choice. And if it's towed before I can get it I don't know what kind of nightmare it would be to get it back. I got the essentials out, so if I never see it again I'd just lose a few replaceable items (food, underwear, etc.).

I really hope things work out, but so far odds don't look good. The only possible hope I have so far is a few replies of "not today" to my query for a ride.

It's starting to grow cold. Event security seems ok with my being here, but I don't know when I'll get a ride, if at all.

Time passes

Nearing 3:30 AM. More people seem to be leaving, but those who responded are going east or north, not south-westish which I need. A few offered a ride, but they were only going to local places, which doesn't really help at this hour. Looking up a travel planner thing it looks like there may be a possible way back via public transit, but it would take about 3 hours. (Which is 45-60 minutes by car.) It may be my only option to wait for tomorrow. With most people having big desktop systems, monitors, and all the other stuff, I basically have to find not only someone going my direction, but a single someone, or the car is full of stuff with no room for me.

All I've had to eat since lunch are a few crackers, a few Halloween sized KitKats and juice. I've retrieved all the critical items from the car... just in case I never see my beloved car again. It's on a road that's basically a few dock buildings, an abandoned place, and a park. If I'm lucky it will escape the eyes of police long enough for me to retrieve it. They have to give you a 72 hour warning, so if it happened soon I should be ok. (Last time I was tagged on my street back in the ex-home for not moving my car that's what it was.) Being an abandoned and not busy area hopefully it will just go unnoticed. The note I left is on the dash, so only passer-bys looking down into the car would see it. (Thus not calling attention to itself for passing by police, but easily seen by one looking at the vin number.) Hopefully if anyone does want to tag it they will call my number first and ask for an update before just tagging it for removal.

At this point it looks like I'm here for the night. Event security seems to be ignoring me, or passing by with a sad/sorry look. If my car had made it to the event lot I'd take a nap, but it's not. It's about a 5 minute walk past the furthest lot. It's not too far, but far enough out that a roving patrol car could easily spot my dropped seat. Here in the event lot people are coming and going all the time, I'd go unnoticed.

So sad a life. It seems to never get better. Here we are, year three, and a third car has died. If the gods smile on me I can get it back to the home area and convince the shop to fix it and get it running again for low cost. Even that though will likely be $200-400 more over the $385 already paid when all is said and done. If I had money to take it elsewhere and demand my money back I would. But I don't.

Time passes

Just after 4 AM. I guess this should be my last entry for this day, even though for me this day and the next will bleed together with no end.

There were more well-wishers hoping I make it back safe. I had a brief chat with a girl who's a mechanic (implied she had more than a 4 year degree), but with no light and no tools there likely wasn't anything I thought she could do for me. A few said they may tomorrow, so we'll see. At least in my home area I have the coffee shop, the less expensive fancy restaurant, a food store, and school all within a short bus distance of the ex-garage where I can put the stuff  I collected from the car and use as a temporary changing place. Once back on that side of the bay I can call on my emergency sanctuaries and be relatively safe from discovery, as well as bus rides to get to work.

I don't understand why I keep having all this trouble. I don't understand why my car couldn't have been running fine now. I would have come and hung out for the weekend and just napped in my car, many seem to be doing it.

I suppose at least as people have come and gone past me I am recognized, and people feel more sad. There has been an offer now from a volunteer staffer who lives just about 5 minutes from my ex-house who can take me tomorrow at 11 PM, and offers from a few Nvidia people to take me tomorrow.

Day 1202 - 10/16 - Stranded

It's nearing 8:30 AM. Some I saw leave last night are starting to come back and say, 'You're still here ?' It is, of course, inconceivable to everyone that I am alone, completely without help or people to get me home. Several suggested I go in and warm up a bit, but since I only had the day pass I don't want to be rude.

All totaled I've had one hour of sleep at most and only crackers and juice to eat since lunch yesterday. I'm not all that hungry, nor tired, surprisingly. Mostly my sadness, depression, and anger about my car seem enough to fuel me for now.

There were some tiny white worms crawling towards my stuff. I tossed them away and decided to move my stuff. When I did there were probably a dozen more under my bag. I don't know where they came from, but they disappeared quickly enough. They don't seem able to get onto the higher area.

I really don't know what will happen with my car. I guess all I can do is wait and see. I love it so much and I'm very sad that these dummy heads haven't managed to fix it properly in any of the three repair sessions so far.

Time passes

9:30 AM. I have several people on staff keeping out feelers for a ride for me.

I smell a breakfasty smell. Bunnah is sooooo tired, sooooo sad, and sooooo hungry.

Though I wouldn't get food I'd consider another day pass to be inside, but even that $20 would reduce me to the point of not being able to afford the membership upgrade to tow the car if that's what it comes down to.

Today reminds me of the early days. The days with no system and no fancy phone. The days I spent watching everyone else come and go and have fun, while I could have none.

Apparently the staff isn't done until 8 PM at the earliest. Just over 10 hours more before I may get a ride.

Time passes

I'm back in the home area and it's not too late It's not quite 5:30 PM yet. A nice person named Victoria from Nvidia gave me a lift. I guess as the night went on more and more were looking out for me. She said she had heard about the stranded guy before she left the event last night.

Tomorrow yelling and fighting begins about getting my car back to the area.

I still have sea legs. I'm wobbly. From about 11 to 3 I went back in. It was actually ok. I didn't need to pay for a second general admission. Though with all my stuff with me I kind of just plopped myself down in one area and worked on the pictures and page for the event.

The event was super fun overall. I don't regret going. It would have been nicer in a regular hotel, so I didn't get sea sick at all, or if I could have gone on a night tour of the officially haunted USS Hornet.

It will be tough to remember the good though with all of the bad car troubles. For now I do hope things work out for the best. Who knows, maybe one or more people I gave my rabb1t card to will be able to help me find a job I'm happy with that pays me enough. Only time will tell.

Day 1203 - 10/17 - So much walking

Today was different, but I don't know if I can say it was better. I started it by going to talk to the mechanic. Thankfully he seemed super understanding and more puzzled than anything else about my still increasing problems. He still thinks it's the timing belt and he didn't seem argumentative when I explained that $200 would be pushing it for me in yet another repair. He said he may have someone that can do the tow, but he never got back to me today, so that's a huge time loss and the clock is ticking. I checked my bank and upgrading my account is not an option until basically Thursday, which means if the tow is left in my hands the soonest I could get it would be like Saturday, a full week after it was left there. But, I can't really afford that much, as that would leave me about $100 for the repair (estimated at $200-300), and even that is cutting my food budget in half and requires postponing my phone bill by two weeks past due.

After, I decided to go to the less expensive fancy restaurant and order a minimal amount of food and finish my Nvidia GeForce LAN 6 videos. I got all of the LAN stuff up, and the Intel socket LGA-2011 preview up. The DICE videos will have to wait until tomorrow. They are like 3 gig total, so I can put them on a USB and I'll go through a land line at school. You can go through any browser for that, so it's not like plugging in my laptop or anything.

The video and stuff took nearly all my time. I had about 30 minutes left before needing to take the bus to work. I got there super early, but it seemed ok. I just ninjaed into the office and left the lights off. (I always do that.) Sometimes the school coaches don't even notice me in there and I surprise them, heh. My work shift was ok. It took most of it to enter Epic Fail's week because it was so big. I also finished podcast 29, so I have that to edit and post tomorrow. It's nearly 50 minutes long, so I'll see what Rage stuff I can edit out. Likely there is a bit I can, as it's like half the podcast.

I'll probably be on foot the rest of the week, but I'm still hoping things work out ok and the car is actually fixed and working by Friday. I guess we'll see.

Day 1204 - 10/18 - Feel sick

I feel pretty sick today. I'm all woozy and feverish feeling from lack of sleep and lack of proper food. My digestive parts are getting all messed up. I barely made it to a bathroom in time this morning.

No call from the repair shop, but I remembered the guy has Tuesdays off, so I'll have to make with the yelling about the clock ticking away after I'm done with lunch nom.

My friend/ex-roomie just called me. She was worried if I was ok because I texted her about my being stranded across the bay. I didn't really expect her to reply when I sent the message, things have been weird between us, and I know her phone would go for hours sometimes more than a day before she would hear a message. It's good to know people worry about me. I is so worried about me lately. Though I'm interacting with people more lately, I feel so isolated, alone, and unloved most of the time.

I think the last of my videos from the event got up ok. There was one that was "processing" and didn't seem to clear, so I may have to upload that again later. I'll give it a few hours to settle and see what happens.

I still need to close out podcast 29 and get it ready for posting later. The video uploading took like all my morning, more than 2.5 hours. It's an early lunch now but I may need to leave campus in the early evening if I want to update my site. I had zero connection to school this morning.

I guess this will end yet another week of fail and my life that still seems to be crumbling around me. I had a great time at the LAN event; I'm still wearing the wrist band to remember it. And interacting with people, however briefly, has made me feel a bit happier. But with the car tragedy and possible permanent loss, with my being icky feeling with stress, sadness, physical strain from walking, lack of sleep, and hardly eating or eating worse food than normal... things again seem more bleh for me than not.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2011
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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