Week 945
Day 6609 - 8/5 - So tired
Today I am completely exhausted. I lost most of my sleep, getting barely half of what it could have been. My throat is rough as hell too, which I don't know if that's somehow due to the lost sleep or if that's because I'm sick and that sick caused the lost sleep.
My brain isn't working. I had a terrible bathroom emergency. In many ways it wasn't a good day, but I suppose really it was ok.
Day 6610 - 8/6 - Tired and rough
Today I am still extremely tired. I don't know how many nights in a row now, but last night I probably lost another 1/3 of what should have been sleep. And my throat is still completely torn up. I can't talk normally at all. It sounds bad and I'm clearing it quite a bit due to congestion. It seems weird because I certainly don't remember anyone being close to me that sounded sick.
I guess overall today was ok other than these things, but they certainly put a big damper on things.
Day 6611 - 8/7 - Still so tired
Today I was still so tired. I guess things weren't as bad last night and I maybe got 5-6 hours of sleep. So a little lost, but not as much as it has been lately.
My throat is still rough and completely wrecked for some reason. I'm drinking about 20-40% more than normal, probably to try and soothe it. I should maybe see if I still have drops. I guess the day wasn't bad, but I was still too out of it to focus and be productive.
Day 6612 - 8/8 - Wandering
Today my brain wandered a lot. I did do my MMO time in the morning, but I didn't really feel like playing anything after. So most of the day my brain wandered and I watched a lot of random history and lore videos.
I suppose I can't focus and am not interested in my regular routine due to my brain spirals. Knowing my brain it will be a bit before I can let the mystery of dad fully go. But I guess it's still floating in the back of my mind quite a bit and it bounces to the front when I think about things like my birthday coming up in about 1.5 weeks. I think of the mystery, think of me, and wonder if someday, maybe sooner than not with how much time I've been in a sad and terrible spot; will I too be gone and only a mystery of how and when I reached my end remain?
Day 6613 - 8/9 - Still sore back
Today my back is still a bit stiff and sore. It's not anywhere near as bad as it was, but I'm still surprised it's a bit sore after what feels like a long time. I think it's setting off my feet and hips too, or the other way around, I'm not sure. I seem to have a shortened tolerance for walking lately. I haven't done my little extra walk in what feels like a week due to my extra sore back and hips lately.
I guess I'm ok. I still feel a bit sick with sniffles, rare sneezing, and a still rough throat. It's mostly cleared up though, so that is good. I have a bit of a headache though, and while I finally got a full night's sleep last night I'm still very tired and unable to focus overall.
Day 6614 - 8/10 - Maybe Monday
Today maybe I can get back to more normal homeless activities. Hopefully I'll be mostly recovered from this cold, my back pains, and feeling overly tired. My bad eye floater is finally very reduced, maybe 15% as bad as it once was. My overall vision blurriness is still there, so I still wonder if maybe my prescription is off in general. I may ask at the next poking if they can check that really quickly to verify things. I expect they would say no though because that is usually like 30 minutes on its own, which wouldn't be extra time they would be likely to have. But hopefully I can feel emotionally and physically closer to my homeless normal today. I've been pretty far off, especially with all of the dad mystery.
Day 6615 - 8/11 - Maybe just a Tuesday
Today I don't know what to expect. I've been off a lot lately both physically and emotionally. Hopefully things will get back to more normal levels or at least closer to a new balance point, since in a way we are always shifting and changing and becoming more of who we once were or more of someone we have yet to become.
Week 946
Day 6616 - 8/12 - Differently creative
Today I was differently creative. I was going to do pen and paper stuff, but creative brain pushed back against that idea. It just did not want to do that at all. Since I had other ideas floating in my head that were distracting me, I decided to work on a logo for something I thought I might do someday. I'm glad I did it because it turned out really super good and cute.
My vision is being weird again. In the past couple of days it has had very brief moments of clarity, giving me hope for full recovery. But most of the time it is still pretty blurry overall. The bad one does still seem to be clearing away the floater, so that continues to get better, but it is still super slow, so who knows how much longer until that is fully clear.
But even though I did stuff I didn't expect to do or plan to do, I guess I was still creative today. And I did hang on ok through the day, so I guess that is something.
Day 6617 - 8/13 - Blurry and sad
Today things got bad early. I was talking to someone early in the morning about life expectancy and my 30 years if I'm lucky. Not too long after the library opened and I settled in my vision dropped to about 5'. While it wasn't amazing lately it did seem to be on a better trend, but today it went right back to garbage. I think those two things caused me to get pretty sad feeling pretty quickly. It kind of wrecked my day. While I suppose I didn't really have a bad time, I wasn't creative and just I guess felt a bit sorry for myself most of the day, which made me feel not more sad, but certainly not a way I wanted to feel.
Day 6618 - 8/14 - Sick and sad
Today I am feeling a bit sad again, but there has been a sick feeling which has been a bigger issue. I feel like I've been dropped into a different pressure system. My chest feels weird. My eyes feel like they are being smashed in. I have a migraine. And I've been a bit dizzy for hours.
I've been feeling a bit sad too. I think I may for quite a while because it's likely due to my birthday coming in just under a week. Instead of being a time to celebrate, since I have a terribly sad life, it is a mark of loss, worry, a reminder of what I'm missing in life, and little more than the next tick of a very scary and final clock.
I still hope to have enough time to recover to a better life. I hope to have enough time to eventually enjoy what remains. But that time is not now. And I don't know when or if it will come.
Day 6619 - 8/15 - Still different
Today my eye was still the worst. I guess the time it was good was a fleeting thing because it seems back to almost always being bad again.
I was still distracted with sad thoughts and worry about how long I have. I did do a little bit of creative work, again with the side thing I may or may not ever get a chance to do. But in theory that is all set up on the digital side. I just need the physical things to back it up. There are some digital tweaks I can do though, so I may be differently distracted again tomorrow.
I guess overall today wasn't terrible. It certainly could have been worse. Hopefully my night will be equally ok, and maybe tomorrow can be a better day.
Day 6620 - 8/16 - More different
Today I think I will still be differently creative. My good cute thing I did is super great, but I can try and tweak it in a program I'm bad at to make it excellent. Hopefully that will work and not fail and be frustrating. Also, something I did yesterday could be redone in a different program fairly easily, and that would let me change aspects of it super easy and that could be super fun. Assuming of course I ever actually get a chance to do this new stuff.
I guess I'm mostly ok today. I'm very tired. Lost some sleep again last night. My vision is not the best. After having lunch my tummy feels not the best. But I guess overall I'm ok.
Day 6621 - 8/17 - Unknown creative work
Today I don't know what I'll create. Maybe I'll still be distracted with the new and different thing. Maybe I'll go back to the pen and paper stuff I've been trying to do. I did get another paid sale, so that is yay, but it is still far far below the number I was hoping for, so in a way it feels like I've kind of trapped myself. I put out a thing, and while no one specifically asked, I feel like I need to cycle back around and add more. But with so little support and love for my works, it is starting to feel like a huge amount of effort for very little reward or recognition. Well, I do enjoy putting stuff out for people to have, and I do have time to do it now, so I guess it's ok even though they feel like only the tiniest of steps forward.
Day 6622 - 8/18 - Probably cool Tuesday
Today will probably be pretty cool weather. Lately the heat has disappeared and a few mornings it has been a bit chilly and looked like rain. Things can flip here in September and October, so I guess we'll see which way things will go soon enough.
