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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 10: Wisp of Hope

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Week 507

Day 3543 - 3/14 - Forgetful

Today was mostly ok, but as always I was very worried about money. Well, bills to be more accurate. I don't know if it was that or my cold that threw me off when doing my podcast recording, or if it's just so infrequent that I'm forgetting steps. Apparently when I set up I put the popper stopper (which improves clarity and deepens the tone a bit) in an unusual location. When I finished recording and started putting things away I noticed the odd location. I must have recorded without it, even though it was right by my side, inches from me, just out of view. It makes me feel sad that something once so regular and enjoyable has become something I've forgotten how to do properly, and in a way that my heart breaks every time, and I don't really feel like what I am talking about is worthwhile to anyone.

I guess I had an ok day other than that. It's been pretty cold what with the rain. And I've been losing sleep. And while very mild, I still can't get rid of this cold, so I'm still sneezing and have itchy eyes and wheezing.

I guess the day certainly could have been worse, and I did hang on yet again. So I continue to try to hang on. And I continue to hope there are better days ahead.

Day 3544 - 3/15 - About to uninstall

Today was a slow day, both in passage of time and emotionally. It was pretty sad, but since I can't really change things I just have to accept the sad.

One game I've gotten back into lately is bothering me. I'd really gotten back into it as it's a competitive PvP game, which is the direction most companies seem to be going. As a single person in a random game it just seems full of really bad people who do nothing but complain. I will probably stop playing it again. It's a good game, but the toxic and non-teamwork focused people make it not worth playing. Which is sad, because it would be nice to have an online game where there are people. I do still have my favorite MMO, but being two expansions behind now there is little I have access to that's new, so going there would likely just make me sad, as I'd know what I'm missing out on in the new content that everyone else is doing.

So I feel sad. I'm extra cold again because of the rain. I feel a bit lonely. And I can't help but see the bills I can't pay, with little gas left getting lower and lower, and I think about how I'm constantly riding the edge of my resources.

But I try to stay positive. I was even actually creative, making a fun thing for a couple of hours today, so I can still be cheered up. The me that was is still in here and just needs opportunities to come along so that he can come out. So I try to continue to hope help comes. And I try to continue to look forward to better days.

Day 3545 - 3/16 - Double rainbow

Today was mostly the same. I was super exhausted in the morning. I just wasn't feeling like doing class. I almost decided to cut the lab portion, but I pushed through, and it wasn't completely terrible I guess. But this class has turned out to feel so long and boring.

In the later afternoon I got some good news. A big donation from a friend came in, so the biggest bill concern which I didn't think I could postpone will now be taken care of. Phew. And I'll put a bit into gas, so worry about that can be pushed back. I still have the next car insurance payment, and signing up for school for next quarter, so there is still that, but for the moment I have some breathing room.

Oh, and I saw something I don't think I'd ever seen before in my life, a double rainbow. I suppose really it was a full one, as it went from one part on the ground on one side, around a half circle up to the sky and back down on the other side of my view. I'll put it at the end of the day if the pictures come out ok. I took it in a way that can hopefully be pieced together. I started a video, but by then the clouds were coming in and blocked part of it.

I guess today wasn't too terrible. I suppose it was the expected amount of terrible. But I did get a big donation, which is a huge help, so that is something. And hopefully I can continue to hang on until better days.

Day 3546 - 3/17 - Little

Today was extra cold and rainy. The library was freezing cold all day. I don't get why when everyone is wearing extra winter layers they still run the A.C. It boggles my mind they let that constantly run instead of just letting it be air or actually heat to warm people up.

There was also little to no bandwidth just after noon. I could barely do anything. I even played offline things for a while it was so bad.

I guess it wasn't a completely terrible day. I was constantly thinking of things I wished I could do, or had; simple things like friends to play games with or regular foods and a place to cook But I suppose that is no different from any other day.

So I continue to try and stay positive. And I continue to try and hang on to hope. And hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

Fancy double rainbow.

Day 3547 - 3/18 - Ser sniffles-a-lot

Today I was sniffling quite a bit. The cold has gotten a bit worse in that regard. I'm also kind of confused and my ears have been ringing all day. I don't even really remember what I did all day. It was pretty much just forum stuff, but still.

There was a pretty big scare shortly after the library opened. There was a loud clunk and the power dropped in the entire library. It did come back up pretty quickly though. I think it was probably less than half an hour before it was back. That would have been tragic if it hadn't come back up. I can be ok without the Internet, but without power I'd last 3-4 hours, and half of that I'd be limited to stuff on my tablet.

It was again super cold. I did get slightly warm and had my hoodie off for a small part of the day, but mostly it was just freezing cold. It only rained a little bit, so I'm hopeful the rain and cold will go away and we will be back to things moving towards summer again very soon.

But at least so far, I have survived the day. I am congested, confused, exhausted, and want nothing more than to have a safe quiet place to sleep, which I don't have, but I made it through the day. And with each day I suppose there is another chance I can recover and make it to my forever better days.

Day 3548 - 3/19 - So many sniffles

Today I was super sniffly. Probably all day I was sniffling. The weather is still way too cold. I think it's what is causing me to be unable to get over the cold.

The day was ok I suppose. Nothing new changed, for good or bad, which I suppose is something. I survived another day. And with that I can sleep and the next one will hopefully begin. And with each day there is the hope opportunity for change will come and I can find my forever better days.

Day 3549 - 3/20 - Attempt to be restful

Today it is cold and raining again. The cold weather last night made my cold worse. My throat was extra scratchy and I was extra wheezy all night. So today on campus I will try to be extra restful. I don't expect to need to do anything but study for a test, but I may need to be part of a final project shoot. I'm not sure.

But the day has just started. I'm trying to rest from my walking around getting food and coming over from the parking lot. And when I warm foods I'll always wrap up and take my umbrella just in case. But hopefully today will be restful, and I can continue to hang on.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2018
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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