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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 6: Fading memories

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Week 305

Day 2129 - 4/30 - So much walking

Today I was tired. I didn't get back from last night's event until super late. Plus, I had to park like three blocks away and my feets are bad at walking, so I was super tired when I got there. It was pretty fun. I met some people who play the game locally and had fun playing people. The club they had the event at was pretty big and crazy. I have a few videos I took if you want a peek. After, one of the streamer people from the show that mentioned the event asked if I wanted to go play pool with a few other guys. So that was a nice friendly invite for a something after with just a few people. Bu that was like 5-6 blocks away, so again there was so much walking to get there. They drove me to my car after, so that was cool. I may go back in a few weeks. I guess they are going to have meetups every week, but with it costing like $15 to go it's a bit much to go to more than every once in a while. We'll see. With it being hotter I have to be more careful of where I am when.

It was super hot today. It was almost 90F when I looked. My sodas were pretty warm even as it was getting to be night. I should probably get les so the chance of them getting bad from heat is reduced.

While last night was super fun, today I am back to my regular sad and lonely life.

Day 2130 - 5/1 - Super hot

Today was super hot. It got up to over 90F. I guess I'm feeling a bit better today. My feet and calves are still super tired, and get very tired when I walk places. And I'm very sad about the coffee shop connection. It's still being terrible on days like yesterday. I'm seriously considering spending more time at the little room at school. It's always air conditioned. It's much more private. I've never been bothered by people there. I suppose there was that friendly person the other day at the coffee shop, but it always seems there are more friendly people at school.

It really just makes me miss having a home more. Somewhere that I can have peace and quiet. Somewhere I can play my games alone in private, or stream and share with others. Somewhere I don't have to worry about my connection, my times I do things, or if I can cook foods.

Sometimes it's nice to not have the stress of bills or worrying I'll lose it all again, but I'm so very tired of all the sad things.

Day 2131 - 5/2 - Different day

Today I spent a bit differently. I started as I normally would for a Friday at the coffee shop. I decided though to go somewhere different for lunch. After, since I was already out, I thought I'd just go to school. Even if I had to just sit on the floor outside the room I would prefer that with a nice air conditioned, quiet, much less populated area. To my surprise someone was in the room, so they opened it up for people to use. I checked forums, watched some shows, and played offline a bit. The food store moved, so I left a bit early to check it out. It's bigger, but basically the same layout as before. Work was ok. I watched a movie, did most of a homework, and then played offline a bit.

I got some sad news this morning. My boss said I'm running out of hours. So, before the work year ends at the end of June I may be forced to give up some of my shifts. Hopefully it won't be too many. I guess I have like $800 in savings, so thankfully I could lose half my shifts before I'd start to run out of money, but hopefully I won't lose more than maybe half a dozen days total. I guess we'll see. They really shouldn't have that rule. It's not like they work us a lot.

I guess that's it for today. Things were sad and more than anything I wish I had my quiet life in a home back.

Day 2132 - 5/3 - Meh day

Today felt meh. The guy who always steals my table and hawks like he's got a hairball stuck in his throat was there, so that kind of put a damper on things right from the start. I got to play one game online (for about 30 minutes) before the connection started going bad. I guess that was ok, as I was in the mood to finish an assignment for class after, so that worked out ok. The rest of the day was meh. I watched some shows. I played offline a bit. But what I really wanted to play was online.

I missed being in a home today too. I miss the causal nature of not needing to worry about time windows. I miss showering and having new cloths if I want. I miss being able to stretch and walk around my room or do a mini workout if I want. Such little things, but you have no idea how much all these things really drain your spirit and energy when you have so little under your control and don't have private space.

Day 2133 - 5/4 - Feeling sad and lonely

Today I am feeling sad. The morning went ok. I got a good connection at work, so I could play a couple different games online. After, I said F the coffee shop noise and fighting for a spot in a crowded room, and I just went to school, as I did back in the day when all I had was my netbook. It was peaceful and quiet there. I think, though I wasn't paying attention, I only saw three others there in the several hours I was there.

I felt sad and lonely today. I think I just felt isolated and alone. Although I played online, I didn't really interact with anyone.

I felt odd. After work I felt like I was going to come home, do homework, wash my cloths, cook dinner, take a quick shower to rev my energy back up a bit, then stream a game for a few hours. But I couldn't do any of that. Well, I suppose I could have done my homework, but I really just didn't feel like it when I got to school. I'll probably work on it Tuesday after class.

It was cooler today, down from the 90s of recent days to probably the high 60s or low 70s. But things are changing. I can see the leaves changing color, see old leaves fall off, I know school will be out soon, and yet again it will be summer. Yet again a year of fail will have passed. And with it my life remains the same. There will have been no great triumph, not even a small one. And while I will still exist and live on, I wonder if I am still really able to live at all.

Day 2134 - 5/5 - Feeling sick

Today I feel kinda sick. I've got a bit of chills, earaches, and all day I've had a moderate headache and feel tired.

I guess today was ok. I did some online work for my friend, then did some playing and show watching. I considered doing my homework, but feeling kind of sick I wasn't in the mood.

I guess today was ok, but I'm still so sad about all the things and wish I could live my life differently.

Day 2135 - 5/6 - Almost forgot

Today I almost forgot it was posting Epic Fail day. I came to school to chill before class and started playing my silly fun game and just forgot about it. Today should be ok. I have class, then I'll chill in the room for a bit, probably mess around some more there, and then in the evening I've got a movie to go see. I doubt things will change, but maybe I won't feel as sick from my cold and the happy things will help me feel a little less sad.

Week 306

Day 2136 - 5/7 - Ok day

Today was an ok day I guess. I decided to spend it mostly at school. The first few hours were bas because I was hurting my wrist, back, and butt, by not being on a chair at a desk, but it was an ok place to play for quiet and a relatively private space. Noone bothered me. It wasn't overly cold. It wasn't noisy. A bit after 11 the guy came to open the room I was sitting outside of. I went in and edited my podcast before leaving for an extra work shift.

Today turned out ok. I had peace and quiet almost the entire day, and I could watch my shows and play offline without fear of dropping off the network or people being whatever about my staying there for a long time. I think for the remainder of the school quarter I'll spend my Wednesdays there.

Day 2137 - 5/8 - School and play

Today was pretty good I guess. I had class in the morning, which is almost always pretty fun. After, I did some assignment stuff and had time to play a bit before work. At work I had a decent connection, so I got to play some online games for a bit.

I still feel a bit sick. I'm a bit ho, my ears are ringing a bit, I'm sneezing on occasion, and I have to go to the bathroom a bit more than usual. But it's pretty mild, so hopefully it will clear up soon.

I wish I could have had more today. More time to do school stuff. More time to play and have fun. And more sleep to fight off my cold. But I can't. I have to try and do my best to get by on what I have.

Day 2138 - 5/9 - In a haze

Today I felt like I was in a haze. I didn't really remember anything clearly. I watched stuff, played some games, watched some movies at work, but mostly the day was a blur. I think it's because I still have my cold.

Ever since this morning I've felt like I've been forgetting something. This weekend I need to study for a test, which I didn't do. But besides that I don't know what I could be forgetting.

Day 2139 - 5/10 - Gaming day

Today was ok I guess. I spent most of today gaming. I studied a little, and watched a bit of a show, but nothing special happened. The coffee shop was surprisingly quiet considering there was an event at the park next door. I was expecting it to be pretty busy, but it actually seemed quieter than usual.

I don't think I'm over my cold yet. I'm still extremely tired, congested, and sneezing. I suppose all things considered, I'm ok enough.

Day 2140 - 5/11 - Quiet day

Today was a pretty quiet day. It was Mom's day, so my work shift was basically an empty gym. I saw fewer than a dozen people. After, I decided to go to the coffee shop, figuring it would be less busy due to the holiday. It was a bit less busy, but still almost full.

A friend lost a brother this morning. I don't know any details, but that is super sad. I guess it was some kind of accident. I saw two dead critters on the road last night as well; a skunk and a young deer. It made me so sad thinking they just wanted to go home or were looking for food and they got killed.

Life is so short. While I hope mine continues, it seems at the rate I'm going mine too will be much emptier and shorter than I'd hoped for.

Day 2141 - 5/12 - Fridays off

Today was ok I guess. Being at the coffee shop I was surrounded by people, but didn't talk to anyone, nor was there anyone I wanted to spend time talking to. It did feel a bit lonely though. I still have my cold too. I'm a bit congested, sneezing, and tired.

It seems until next work year (which starts in July) I have Fridays off to reduce my hours to avoid that stupid yearly cap. That was really the best I could hope for. I lose the one shift where I have no Internet, which isn't really a loss. And, it's only one shift. Though that's less than my budget for the next six weeks, I haven't had my friend's online work in the budget for a while either, so my budget won't be at a loss. So I guess that's ok.

Still... I would prefer a normal life.

Day 2142 - 5/13 - Test

Today should be ok. There is a test in class, which I'm worried about. It should be easy, and it's only a small part of the grade, but still. I'm more worried about the projects. I have another one due in a few weeks, but I have no people, locations, or costumes to really do any of my ideas. It only has to be 1-3 minutes though, so it should be fine to do just about anything.

Hopefully next week will be better, though as we draw to the close of year six it seems more likely it will be just as sad.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2014
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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