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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 6: Fading memories

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.


Week 307

Day 2143 - 5/14 - Recognized me

Today was a bit different. I decided to go be in my little room at school. It doesn't open until almost noon, so getting there around 8 I had a while to wait. At around 11 my teacher came by and let me in. She was looking extra cute in regular cloths. She depressed different than normal. She was just coming in to do some work and had no classes today. At around 1 I'd guess someone came in and started being very chatty. I guess she'd seen me in the coffee shop, recognized me, and asked if I was still hanging out there. We chatted for a bit, but that was it. (She wasn't my type.)

My day was ok. I basically just took the day off and played games and tried to think up what to do for my next big project. I was kind of stuck all day mentally.

The room I was in was pretty cold all morning, around 70F, while I guess the day outside was almost 90F. I wish it would have been warmer in the room. It seemed so cold.

I guess that's really the only remotely interesting stuff today. It will be weird to have Fridays off for a while.

Day 2144 - 5/15 - So hot

Today was super hot. It's after work, not quite 10, and my app thing still shows it's over 70F. It feels much hotter though. It got up to nearly 90F earlier.

Speaking of hot, I saw the cutie from last quarter. She's on campus still, so I sometimes see her around on Tuesday or Wednesday.

I was kind of sad today though. There was an in class photo shoot thing again. I was in some video. I look super chubby and have a funny voice. I mean, I know I'm not beyond normalish range, as there are lots bigger than me in general. But for me, who used to be near 170 pounds just a few years ago, being 225 now, I feel and look so much bigger than I'm used to. I think I'll again try and get my soda drinking down and track calories again. I don't know, maybe if I'm super diligent and better with food choices I can get my weight back down. I'm sad about it and feel the effects all the time.

Day 2145 - 5/16 - Not work

It was weird not going to work today. I got caught up a bit on shows. For some reason they've gone crazy and I've more than 40 in my queue to watch. I played my games quite a bit too.

Mostly I was sad though. I checked for jobs, looked at email alert searches, but there was nothing really. Not even things like what I have to just get by with. I am very happy I'm doing the video classes though. I've always loved being creative. Will they lead to anything? I don't know. I certainly feel like my comments in class and what I've suggested to others has been more helpful than other paths, and people in the program seem more open and friendly. But I don't know, I still feel so isolated, alone, and have no resources compared to seemingly everyone else.

Day 2146 - 5/17 - Feel a day off

Today I've felt a day off. Because I had yesterday off, I've felt a day off yesterday and today. It was kind of nice, but I can't celebrate, as I have noone to celebrate with. And there's no reason to, since it costs me money to have a day off, and there's really nothing to celebrate.

I guess today was ok. It was pretty quiet and I spent it at the coffee shop. As always, it was not what I'd have preferred spending my day doing, but it was one of the only things I could do.

Day 2147 - 5/18 - Outside time

Today after work I decided to have some outside time. I could have gone to the coffee shop and stayed, it was maybe 40% empty, but since my two preferred spots were taken, it was noisy, and seemed sad, I passed and just hung out on campus. It was some nice quiet private time. It was still pretty warm, I'd guess in the mid 70s. Though that's down quite a bit from the almost 90s of just a few days ago.

I'd guess despite it being pretty sad due to my sad life, today wasn't too bad.

Day 2148 - 5/19 - Small loss

Today was ok. I don't remember much of it. I was at the coffee shop and did my normal morning stuff. At work I played for a bit. I don't remember much else.

I guess this fail week ends on a bit of good news. I weighed myself at the laundry, which I haven't done in probably three weeks since I stopped keeping track of my weight long ago, and I'm down to 217 from the 223 I was when I last checked. I wish I could say it was progress for tracking my calories again, but that's highly unlikely as I've only been doing that for three days. I'm pretty hungry most of the time, but I am trying my best to be good and stay under. My being fat is much more sad than my being a little hungry while overweight. Hopefully I can get back down to the 170-180 range, but it still doesn't seem possible while homeless. There are just too many limitations I face.

Day 2149 - 5/20 - Odd rain

Today it's raining, which is odd with having 90 degree weather lately. I have a cold, again. The past couple of days I've been super sneezy, sniffly, and feeling a bit feverish.

Today should be pretty good. I've got class, and we are probably watching stuff people made. Then I can grab my new game. And after, I've got a movie to see. So hopefully today will be pretty good, though sadly lonely feeling.

Week 308

Day 2150 - 5/21 - The shoot

Today was ok I guess. Most of it was spent chilling at school. I have a project due for class that I've had a half dozen good ideas for, but have lacked people, props, or location. The other night I thought of something I could try, so I spent a bit of my evening doing that. Hopefully it will turn out ok. My phone isn't good at recording in the dark, but my idea was for something at night. I may have to have it do a filter for night or black and white. I'll probably put it together Friday and Saturday and if it doesn't work I'll still have half a week to work on it.

I have a cold. I've been sneezing and super congested. Hopefully it will go away soon. It's not really bad, but it always worrisome to be sick while homeless.

Day 2151 - 5/22 - Another shoot

Today was ok I guess. The big thing today was an in-class shoot we had to do. I was grouped with nice people, but I had to be super pushy about getting them to focus and think about the project. Both other times we were grouped they were unfocused, didn't agree on stuff, and none of us finished. So, hopefully we got enough that my idea can work and it will be ok.

That was really it for today. I tried to squeeze in some gaming stuff, but with doing my podcast editing and class that was most of my day. Hopefully my microphone isn't dead. I tried connecting it today to record something and it didn't correctly connect. It had that issue before and it sometimes is stubborn about connecting, but usually doesn't have too many issues. This time it didn't work at all. I've put out an email to tech support. Maybe there is something I need to update and can just download a new driver or something.

More sneezing today. I'm super tired too. Guess that's it for my day. I suppose not too bad all things considered.

Day 2152 - 5/23 - More lost shifts

Today was mostly ok. It was still super weird to have Friday off. I guess I'll be used to it pretty quickly, as apparently my boss can't do math and Sunday and Monday will be my last shifts at all until the new work year starts in July. That will be about $600 lost which was in the budget. I guess the only saving grace to that is that I do have enough in savings to soak that, but it will eat more than half of everything I have, not leaving me with much.

I did a project for class today. It turned out pretty hilarious. We were supposed to come up with anything with a group while using a prop. We got a beach ball. We couldn't come up with anything, so I came up with the idea it's possessed and the beach ball killed people. It was funny.

I played my games about half the day, so that was nice. But still, I'm worried about my lack of a future. I guess all I can do is continue on a path that makes me as happy as I can be and hope for the best.

Day 2153 - 5/24 - Project

Today was ok I guess. It was pretty quiet at the coffee shop. Noone directly bugged me.

In the early afternoon I did a class project that was due. I'm having a lot of fun with making videos. Though I'm sad at how fat I look (to me.) Also, I'm sad about the quality overall, but that is a limitation of what I'm using, and I accept that.

Aside from that friend from long ago kind of arguing at me a bit, today was pretty good. It was fairly peaceful, not too cold or too warm, and I had privacy to watch my shows, play my games, and do school stuff. As always though, it was not what I would have done in terms of the amount, way, and times, had I been in a home. But I guess it's about as good as my life gets these days.

Day 2154 - 5/25 - Last Sunday for a while

Today was my last Sunday to work for a while. It's sad because I need the money. Plus, on days like today where almost all of the shift is private, I'd actually rather go to work and play here than be out in public. And to, though micro food isn't the best, I do probably get more balanced food from it than the fast-ish food I'm otherwise often limited to.

I'm kind of miffed at my classmates. We had another in class thing a few days ago. I said I'd do the editing and send them a link, and I did so mid Friday afternoon. But I still haven't heard from any of the three of them. It's like, really? Do people not use email anymore? I guess it's fine, as I really like what I did, but I really kind of would like to cut out 15 seconds for continuity. I don't want to make that person feel bad for having part of their thing cut though, so I would like some replies on that.

I've been oddly itchy lately. Not everywhere, just certain spots. Most notably my lower arms, below my knees, on top of my foot, and a little on my forehead. I'm not sure what's up. It's like I've caught something, but it's not spreading. I wonder if it has to do with my cold. It's not a bad itch. More so it's weird due to the half dozen to a dozen tiny bumps or scratches in those spots. It's very odd.

I guess that's really it for my day. Not much to talk about.

Day 2155 - 5/26 - Deciding everything

Today was ok, but pretty hot. I tweaked the project for class a bit and sent a new version out. The people still haven't replied. The professor hasn't replied yet either to get credit for the helpers. But I guess this means I'm deciding everything for the final submission since it's due in the morning. I guess this shouldn't surprise me since the two scattered people are scattered and the other, while seeming nice, seems lazy. She's often late or doesn't show up at all. I guess we did it and it seems ok and it dos demonstrate some class skills, so I'm sure it's fine.

As always, all I can do is hope this leads to better days.

Day 2156 - 5/27 - Different plans

Today I will make different plans than I originally thought. Originally I was thinking of going back to the live event up in the city, but there is no mention of it happening anywhere. I know it's supposed to be an ongoing thing, but I'd like to be sure there is at least some mention of it before spending almost $20 on gas and 45 minutes of driving each way.

I'm super tired today. For some reason I didn't sleep much. My cold has gotten worse. It's not terrible, but it has me feeling very congested.

Class should have lots of student movies, so that should be fun. After, I can hopefully unlock a game that I downloaded. And in the evening I'll probably go see a movie. A lonely day most likely, but it should be pretty good.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2014
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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