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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 12: Unknown Beyond

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 599

Day 4187 - 12/18 - Headache

Today was actually pretty good, but for some reason I had a migraine headache that started shortly after getting to the library and is still there a bit now in the evening.

The connection was again strong and stable. Hopefully this means they got upgraded and it won't fall into unusable speeds again. I remember I was extremely disappointed last break, and summer, when half the time it dropped to unusable speeds. But I played my games and watched a show and it was fine. I accomplished a couple of bigger goals I've been working on for months, so that is really good. I just barely did normal things in my MMO. Lately the population has dipped so low I really can't try for the big goals at all. There are so few people on the odds of finding groups is effectively zero. So I usually just pop on for daily crafting and that's it. I will try to continue to monitor population in both games to see where I can get the best gain. I have a few games I'd like to finish on the game pass, but it's tough to do them because I'm required to be connected online despite them being 100% single player games.

I made a tentative plan for what to do with the help I got. I'll wait a few days before spending it though. I want to be sure I'm not forgetting anything potentially important. Granted I can't do much, just a few payments for the car insurance, which is great, and it's what I asked for help with, and then probably the domain name bill early. I'll probably finalize decisions on Friday. Though much of it is x over y time, so it's not like I'd be immediately spending all of it. So if I do forget something critical I'd hopefully still have money and time.

But there are always bills around the corner. And always unpaid things who's timers are ticking away. So hopefully more help will continue to come. And hopefully I can hang on until it does, and I can make it to better days.

Day 4188 - 12/19 - The last school shower

Today was very likely the last school shower until school starts up again next year. I'm glad it was still hot and I could do it. Hopefully the extra care I took shaving my parts will last. I expect for the next two weeks all I'll get is brief shaves and maybe rinsing off my parts. It won't be amazing but it will be enough.

Today was pretty good. The library population is lessening and probably didn't peak much over 85% full. In fact, it wasn't until about after 1 that it hit more than 50%. The connection was a touch wobbly in the morning, so I was worried, but it cleared up and was stable the rest of the day. I ran a speed test right after the issue and it showed a peak of 50 mbps, where it's normally been 5-15 mbps during fast times. So maybe they did actually increase bandwidth lately.

There were no new donations or help. I don't think any gifts have come yet. My ex-roomie hasn't said I had any packages, but maybe I'll check in a few days. I never really expect any, but it's always nice to have something. Hopefully someday I can be in a position to be the gift giver again. For now I continue to hang on. I continue to try and make it through days one day at a time. And hopefully I can hang on until better days.

Day 4189 - 12/20 - Peaceful

Today was pretty peaceful. I heard someone on the phone say today was the last day of school, so hopefully I won't see many teens around the library until next year. It was pretty quiet and peaceful at the library. Again the MMO had pretty low population from what I saw, so I didn't stick around there too long. I think I played for about 1.5 hours, then spent time in the shooter before watching a show. I did get an important thing done in the shooter, so that was good.

There isn't much else to say about the day. I paid two important bills with the monies I've gotten recently. I still have two more car insurance payments saved. Though sadly there wasn't enough to pay extra. Hopefully more help will come, and bigger help will come before the next big bills in May and July. Hopefully I can continue to stay on time with the car insurance payments.

Oh, I did hear I don't have to worry about the wolves coming for me any more (debt collectors.) I talked the other day with someone I chat with in the morning and they mentioned they knew a lawyer back in the day and he mentioned credit card collectors have 7 years to try and collect, and if they send the bill to a collection agency it's out of their hands after that. So with things being 12-13 years since I last paid a credit card bill, they are way out of their time to come after me. Though I kind of figured once we'd past 10 years that was the case. But it's good to hear confirmation. I can't escape the student loan debt, and that's the big crushing one hanging over my head. But it's good to know I should be clear of all others.

But today was fairly quiet and peaceful. I was warm enough. I had enough food. I'm a bit tired and sneezy, but ok. So for the moment I continue to hope more help comes for future bills. And I continue to hang on until better days.

Day 4190 - 12/21 - Another visit

Today there was another visit to the ex-roomie in the evening. We watched part of a series she has access to and I had a cooked dinner. I'm not used to being around the kitties, so I only stayed a few hours. I was pretty sniffly and my eyes were itchy when I left.

I guess it was a pretty regular day other than that. There were a lot of teens at the library, which is weird because I thought they were supposed to be off and on vacation now. There were a few bumps with the connection, but not as bad as it used to be.

No gifts, donations, or other help today. So I try to focus on what remains. And I try to hang on until better days.

Day 4191 - 12/22 - Cold and lonely

Today I felt cold and lonely. I had to put my hoodie on just after noon. It had been raining all morning and the library got too chilly very quickly. I played my MMO and people said hi, but I still felt pretty lonely all day. I played my shooter for a bit after lunch, and again, though there were people around I felt alone. (Though there it's not a surprise as no one talks in zone chat and I have no guild.)

I wished my day would have been a lot warmer. I wish I could have been somewhere private. But I had a connection. I had enough food. And lately that has to be enough. I still have my games. I still have food. And so I continue. But I always hope more help will come. And I continue to hope I can hang on until my forever better days.

Day 4192 - 12/23 - Seems like no presents

Today was ok. I tried to do a raid with the guild, one I technically didn't need. It ran super long. I stayed about 45 minutes longer than I basically said I would. It turned out it was ok to do that, but I don't know how often I'll continue raiding with my limitations.

I guess the day was ok other than that. I was pretty chilly as the library was cold most of the day. But the connection was stable and strong, so that was good.

It doesn't seem like I will have presents this year. That isn't to say some won't come tomorrow, or late, or be just gift money (like the early one from dad). But there haven't been any packages left for me yet. It's a little sad, but I have no tree to put them under. I expect monies sent back with my contact emergency when it was around my birthday was probably more important since it was my 50th, while presents now is just another homeless Xmas in a long line of them.

But I never know what tomorrow will bring, so I continue to try to stay hopeful. And hopefully I can hang on, physically and emotionally, until my forever better days.

Day 4193 - 12/24 - Xmas Eve

Today things started a bit weird. Again my battery is showing 0% and not charging while plugged in. My tablet also seems to have lost 25% overnight when I know it was 100% when it was put away. I'm not going to worry though, as I'm at the food store where it had weirdness a few weeks ago. I wonder now if it's something with this plug, or maybe something happening to the batteries overnight due to cold. I'll probably know more in about an hour. (Edit: as I type this in it's been about half an hour and it's jumped up to 75% from zero. It might be an issue of weirdness with the outlet, though I don't see how, especially since I've got a mini surge protector.)

I'm hopeful today will be mostly normal and ok. I have to leave the library about an hour early, so hopefully it will be close enough to normal. So I try to stay hopeful everyone has a good day, help comes for all the things, and I can hang on until better days.

Week 600

Day 4194 - 12/25 - Xmas monies

Today my ears hurt. The food store was absolutely packed. So much so that my ears are ringing from all the noise of the people, music on the intercom, and having to put my headphones up pretty loud to drown them out. It was actually so crowded, and smokers in my area, that I left over an hour earlier than I originally planned. I'd rather be out early and in the quiet of my car than have most of a connection with all that noise.

Yesterday the person who usually sends gifts sent monies. They didn't have time to shop for people, and that's why I didn't get any packages. I think I've decided what to do with it. Part I'll spend on a few things. Well, set aside for, as an MMO expansion will probably be pre-orderable in mid-January. I should really get an oil change with part of it. It's been 10k miles, so since you should get one every 3k I'm quite a bit over. Though with as infrequently as I drive that's less than one a year.

I noticed the other day too the couple fighting so hard for my spot was sitting at a table at the opposite end of the floor, one of the three I mentioned had the exact same amount of 'extra' leg room. So, yeah, I still don't get why they kept fighting instead of responding to my saying I didn't understand why they needed that specific one. I suppose it's not really important, just, I guess reassuring that I wasn't the bad guy, and they just didn't communicate clearly.

I'm cold. It's only late afternoon going towards early evening. But I guess I survived the day. Tomorrow should be back to homeless normal. So I continue to try to hang on and hope help comes for future bills. And hopefully I can hang on until better days.

Day 4195 - 12/26 - Indeed homeless normal

Today was indeed homeless normal. Which is about all I can hope for. I had a bit of time at the food store in the morning, which felt bad due to having the big day there yesterday. But at the library things were quiet, calm, and basically normal for recent homeless times. I would have liked to be warmer, not had a window causing glare on my screen, and to have not lost an extra 4-5 hours due to driving and needing to hide at night.

I suppose on the good side there was a cute/beautiful girl at the next table over. (With her back to me.) And I suppose in a home I'd have been alone all day, so there's that. Though being in a nice quiet warm home where I could have all time free, control temperature and brightness, and have good cooked food would have been much better.

I suppose the day passed at a good pace. It was neither too slow nor too fast. I played my two bigger games and watched a bit of a big show. I'm considering a 'winter of shows' and watching a new series, and catching up with three others. So that would be 16-40 hours of shows to watch. My regular shows are pretty much all on break for the holidays, so that would give me something to watch in the meantime.

I guess today was an ok day. I was warm enough. Food was ok enough. Though I was lonely and a bit sad I had access to my games and my laptop and car worked well enough. But there are many things I miss. And with as much as I've lost, and will lose, loss and sadness are constantly on my mind. But I try my best to continue on. And hopefully I can make it to better days.

Day 4196 - 12/27 - Literally freezing

Today when I woke up and started moving about the car was frozen. I guess it didn't surprise me really. At 4 or 5 I was woken up by being cold. I was having dreams of moving in somewhere (with others) and my room was solid concrete, with no windows, and the entire house was slab concrete and had no heating. So probably the concrete and no heat was a mixture of my subconscious thinking of my physical cold and my emotional feeling of being in prison. (Which is odd because I've seen shows and know solid concrete isn't how they are anymore.)

I guess today was ok. I was warm enough. I had ok food. The connection was stable and solid.

Hopefully tonight won't be too cold, but apparently the temperature is supposed to get down to the mid 30s. It will warm up a touch for about a week after that. But I try to hang on physically and emotionally. And hopefully I can make it to better days.

Day 4197 - 12/28 - LFG

Today was pretty good. I discovered at some point the mobile app for my shooter added a looking for group section. It's not the best, I still have to do some hoop jumping to join the group, then hope the people talk and are coordinated enough to complete it. (So those like me without regular people to play with are still fairly 'out of luck' since most activities don't have 'matchmaking' and the LFG listing may or may not work.) But I completed something I'd had sitting for months, and did another important thing I had wanted to do. So that is super good that I got to complete two fancy things that I needed groups for.

I guess the day moved pretty quickly and felt pretty lonely outside of those groups. I eeked out an extra Xmas gift from my money and signed up for the movie/show service for a month. That gets me access to a bunch of super good shows. Lately there have really only been two shows I really care about, though I'm watching about four others, probably more out of momentum than anything else.

So I guess today was pretty good, despite feeling lonely. I continue to try and focus on what is good that remains. And hopefully I can continue to hang on until better days.

Day 4198 - 12/29 - Early

Today everything was early. I got up quite a bit early, likely because I was super tired and fell asleep early last night. Because of that I had extra time and finished my MMO dailies early. Then started and finished my shooter early. Which meant two shows in the evening.

The day was pretty good. I was warm enough. I could just about always be warmer. I had ok food. Things were quiet and calm enough at the library. It started raining again. That may have led to my feeling clam and peaceful from when it started in the afternoon on.

Though there were no donations or help today, there is enough for the moment, so I am not panicking from stress. So I continue to try to hang on to what is left. And I try to hang on emotionally and physically.

Day 4199 - 12/30 - A touch dizzy

Today was, I guess, good. It seems the rain has passed, though the day was still a bit gray. The library was super quiet until the afternoon then it got a bit more full. The signal stayed strong, so I played my games without issue. I did feel pretty lonely though, so I left sooner than usual, and watched three shows instead of what would normally be one.

After driving at night and settling in again I felt a bit dizzy. It seems to have passed now, but it has happened the past few nights as well. I don't know if that's due to a cold, or because I'm too sedentary at the library. (I move two or three times as often at school even when I don't have class and am just hanging out.)

There were no donations or help, and no one really talked to me at all, I guess today was pretty ok. I was warm enough. I had ok food. Things were sort of private. And I got to play my games and watch shows. Which for a homeless life is about as good as it gets. Hopefully I can continue to hang on and make it to better days.

Day 4200 - 12/31 - A cold start, confirmed cold

Today had a pretty cold start. It wasn't freezing like it has been the past week or so, but it felt pretty close.

The laptop is again showing zero percent charge. I tried a different plug and it shows the same. It works fine plugged in, and always shows normal at the library. I'm basically sitting on the battery now for a few minutes. It's possible being so old and getting so cold the battery fluid isn't slowing correctly. I'll see if it's any different in a bit. I'm not worried, because even with a fully dead battery as long as the system is plugged in it's fine. I never use it unplugged anyways. (Confirmed after about 5 min of warming, plugging the battery back in and starting up shows the normal 95-96% 'not charging' display. So it must be the cold.)

Besides that I don't know what the day will hold. It should be a relatively normal homeless library day. It's open just about weekend hours, so a few less hours (in the evening) than a normal weekday. Besides that my day should be normal. So I try to hang on to hope help and donations come, and that I can continue to hang on mentally and physically until better days.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2019
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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