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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 11: It Goes to Eleven

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Week 537

Day 3753 - 10/10 - Cycle

Today was kind of meh. My follow-up appointment didn't really go anywhere. The doc still just shrugged and went 'meh' even though he said I probably have been cycling though low grade colds, and that is 'common for a chronic allergy sufferer'. He seems extremely hesitant to prescribe drugs to try and clear things. It also felt like he was pushing me away because they 'aren't a primary care facility'. I don't get how he doesn't understand how gas and more money to make an appointment somewhere else isn't a big deal to someone like me who doesn't have any .

I guess I did ok on a homework and helped a few in the intro class, so that is something I suppose.

I had a bit of time to play my games and watch shows, but it didn't feel like as much as I'd have liked. And tomorrow I'll barely have any as I basically have class all day.

I'm worried about bills too. We are half way through the month and the car insurance is rapidly coming up again and I have nothing for it. I have to hope more donations come soon.

So I try to hang on to hope. I try to hope help and donations come. I try to have fun when I can. And hopefully I'll make it to better days.

Day 3754 - 10/11 - Lost dinner

Today I was extra sad. The day started ok. I again lost an hour of sleep for seemingly no reason. But it was the first few hours at school that killed the day. I am still very sad in general lately, but in those first few hours I started sneezing almost non-stop. All the rest of the day I was sneezing and feeling like I had a cold. Even now in the late evening my nose is running non-stop.

Though that was not the most depressing part of my day. At the start of my second class the power on campus dropped. The professor still did a 45 minute lecture in the dark by phone light, but we were told by someone the power was not coming back up. I didn't mind leaving class two hours early, that was fine, but I lost my dinner because of it. It's fully defrosted by lunch, so there is no way it would keep overnight. Maybe in the dead of winter it could, but not now.

So that was not only a loss of half a day's food money, but it meant I couldn't replace it with another micro food. That was my last day on campus until Monday. So I was stuck with ready to eat food, and I'd have to wait until after I left the library.

By the time my time at the library was done and I was leaving for the evening I didn't really feel like eating. But I did get something, and I am trying to eat it now, so I at least had something for dinner.

I expect tomorrow will be a pretty regular Friday. I've been very extra sad tough lately, and my cold doesn't help at all. But I try to rest, and have what fun I can, and I try to hang on to hope. And hopefully help and donations will come until I can make it to better days.

Day 3755 - 10/12 - Snot-splosion

Today my cold is still going crazy. Yesterday and today there has been so much snot running out of my nose I've had to hold tissues to my nose to stop it from draining out everywhere. And when I blow my nose, it explodes out. There was even once it got all over my hands through the tissue. And another time where it kind of backlashed up and got into one eye. I feel pretty terrible and just want to stay in bed and have chicken soup, but that's not an option.

I still have extra sads because of recent loss. I've also been having a ton of death flashes. Nothing worrisome or that caused me to start crying, just little panic moments that cause hours of sadness after. So I still feel very much like I just want to be sad and alone. Though I am starting to miss the online people in the game, so I peeked in for just a bit. But I'd still rather be alone with my sads.

But I try to hang on. I try to be restful. I tried to have fun with my games. I tried to stay hopeful help and donations come. And hopefully I can hang on until better days.

Day 3756 - 10/13 - Head cold

Today I still feel pretty sick with what I guess is a head cold. I'm still incredibly sniffly, sneezy, and have so much congestion it's leaking out of me, or exploding when I blow my nose. Again I just wanted to spend the day resting in bed and eating soup to feel better.

I guess I did the most I could to get better though. I rested as much as I could. I played my games and watched a few shows. And I tried to recover as best as I could.

There were no donations. So I still grow more and more worried about that each day. And I still have panic attacks about death through the day. I tried to hang on to hope. And hopefully I can hang on until better days come.

Day 3757 - 10/14 - Impossibly plugged

Today my nose was plugged all day. I don't feel super terrible, but I couldn't breathe through my nose at all. I still had a touch of sneezing and a bit of runny congestion, but I am actually feeling better than I have lately except for that.

I guess it was an ok day. I played a bit more in my online game than I have been lately. I played my new game quite a bit. And I watched a couple of shows, as they are starting up for the season again.

I hope I get better soon. I'm very tired of being sick and having allergies go so crazy. It's extremely limiting on my otherwise already sad and depressed life. At least tomorrow it will be back to school as usual and I can go back to warm meals again. At least that will be something.

All I can do is try to distract myself from the sad things. Try to hang on to the happy things. And hopefully I can make it to better days.

Day 3758 - 10/15 - Our TA for the class

Today was both ok and not. It was ok in that the morning class I help for was ok. And I had an ok time doing an assignment for my digital photography lass, though the pictures turned out like crap for the most part because the directions heavily limited me, which makes me feel bad and sad about my performance in the class overall since I have to rent cameras that have garbage quality.

The later part of the day seemed hurtful, though I know it wasn't intentional. A former student has come by a few times (he's still at the school, just done with film classes) and the professor made a great deal of fanfare with hand gestures and a loud voice and announced he would be the TA for the class. I got no such fanfare, not even a mention that I was a TA. In fact, I think only about six in the whole class know I'm a TA for it. I'm not really hurt about not getting fanfare, though some official mention should have been done. In fact, its better to have multiple TAs for a class like that, as people have different creative styles. It's not getting any recognition or thanks that is hurtful. Though this fits her pattern. She doesn't seem to generally pay attention to me or my feelings. It just doesn't seem in her nature to do so. I think at this point she just assumes I will always be around. So unlike other students which are viewed in cycles, I'm viewed (by all professors) as the touchstone, the one who is static, who can always be counted on to be there. So I think a lot of the reason she doesn't announce me to classes anymore is because she's gotten so used to my being there she forgets I'm not familiar to the students.

Other than that the day was the same. Sadly there were no donations and no opportunities. So I tried to rest and recover from my cold. I tried to have fun how I could. And I try to hang on to hope until beter days.

Day 3759 - 10/16 - Maybe slightly better

Today I am feeling maybe slightly better. I slept through the night last night without being strangled to death by congestion. I think it's been more than a week since I last slept normally like that.

I am pretty warm and settled in, so hopefully I can rest and recover. It's starting to turn to winter, so I may need to start getting into full winter cloths soon.

It's a long school day so I'll be pretty busy. But I try to hang on to hope that donations and opportunity come. And hope that I can hang on financially and emotionally until then.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2018
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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