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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 11: It Goes to Eleven

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Week 541

Day 3781 - 11/7 - Up too early

Today I got up much too early. For some reason my body woke up just a bit over an hour before my alarm would have gone off. I would guess it's because it was adjusted to the old time. I guess it's ok because it's getting colder, so I'd gotten settled earlier, and in total got about 8.5 hours of sleep. I'm pretty tired though.

I guess today was pretty fun though. I played my shooter a ton and I'm having a super fun time with it. I would say maybe more fun than ever because the game is finally what it should have been when it launched like 3 years ago. It's still not 100% a perfect match for what I'm looking for, but for what it is (someone described it as a time wasting loot search), it's way more fun than it was before. Now, things may change when people start to get bored and leave again and I start to be the only one around for public events, but I am still holding on to the hopes that the devs loosen their grip on how much they want for people to get current and playing. Because, again, dividing the player base is bad. And if you don't have the newest expansion they really push you away, which is not a good thing.

I guess the day was meh besides that. There were no donations so I was still very worried in the back of my mind about the bills. All day there has been increasing tension and stress in my back. Hopefully I can relax when I sleep. And hopefully help and opportunity will come soon and I can try to relax again.

Day 3782- 11/8 - Long and tiring

Today felt like a very long day. I'm super tired. I suppose it's because I again woke up in the old time. It's only been twice in a row, and I still got eight hours of sleep, but I feel verrrry tired. Not exhausted, but like I'd had some very long days. My ears are ringing from being around people and noise all day.

I had a pretty good time with my shooter game. It seems strange that it became so abandoned and repetitive six months ago that I felt it was better to stop. If I recall I was also having bad death panic attacks at the time, and the game is just repetitive killing of things.

No donations and sadly still no call for a paid survey. I continue to try and stay hopeful, but the bills become more and more worrisome with each passing day.

Day 3783 - 11/9 - Smells like camp fires

Today is sad for others. Apparently somewhere has been on fire and many people lost their homes. The crazy thing is I only know about it because all the way over here, some 225 miles away, it's been hazy and smells like campfires. It's super crazy we are affected so far away.

I hope the people are ok. I have lost almost everything, but a lot of the core of me is safely tucked away in storage. (Safely in theory, as I haven't opened the boxes to see most of it since it was packed more than 10 years ago.) I can't imagine what it would be like if it was just *poof* gone. Hopefully they had insurance and it is at least partly covered.

I guess my day was ok. The library connection held ok, though I was super cold all day. I had to add my extra under top layer. And for tomorrow I've already set aside the pants under layer. Hopefully that will keep me warm enough. But I played my games and watched a few shows.

Sadly there were still no donations, so I grow more and more worried about that. But all I can do is continue to carry on and hope that help will come and maybe I will get a call for a paid survey.

Day 3784 - 11/10 - So very cold

Today it was so very cold. It was yesterday too. I wonder if the clouds from the smoke are blocking the sun's warmth during the day, which keeps things cold.

I guess today was ok other than that. I had enough bandwidth to play my game and watch shows and that's all I expect on a weekend day.

Sadly there was no call for a paid survey, nor any donations, but there was a reminder email about my car insurance being overdue. So I continue to grow more and more worried about that. All I can do is continue to hope help and change come. I seem unable to affect change for myself.

Day 3785 - 11/11 - Final expected death

Today started very poorly. About two hours after I'd settled in at the food store I was playing my game and my incoming power shut off and I dropped to battery mode. No matter what I did to the plug it didn't come back on. This death was kind of expected. About a year and a few months ago this was the power supply that took a big shock, popped, smoked, yet seemed ok after changing the plug cable. (And subsequently led to my getting a single plug surge protector so that never happens again.) For the past maybe four months it's been very picky about the power cord placement and supplying power. The light also seemed much less bright than it once was.

I went over to the ex-garage where I had my previous two power supplies. I tried changing the cable on the current one. Nope, no change, still dead. I plugged in my old power supply and it showed a light. If I recall that one was getting picky about its cable position, but worked, so anything is better than a totally dead power supply. I got back to the food store minutes later (it's only about a 2 minute drive from the ex-house) and, thank the Gods, it had power when I plugged it in. Even more miraculous it stayed strong and stable for the next seven hours (at which point I left for the night.)

I've got a new power supply on my wish list now. Hopefully this old one will last long enough to get to turkey weekend when hopefully I can get some gift money to get it. If I need to before then I'll have no choice but to rob myself of the remaining birthday gift money I have saved. I was almost crying at the thought of that when the power supply died, as my first thoughts were of panic that I was now on a ticking clock of a few hours before the current charge was gone. (Though I still have my tablet.) I would still have about three months to replace it before the pre-order triggered and they try to charge me, but I have no idea if it could be replaced or not in that time.

After calming myself down from the disaster and settling back in, the day actually turned out about as good as I could have hoped for. I had enough bandwidth at the food store to do what I'd hoped for during the day. So I played my games and watched a show. It sucked that it was at the food store instead of the library, but the library is closed today and tomorrow for the holiday. So my options are the food store or outside of school. And with the freezing cold and ton of ash contaminating the air it is much better for me to be inside.

But today is another day without help. Another day my car insurance is overdue. I don't know if enough help will come, though it's only $40, so I try and stay hopeful. If it gets critical I would need to sacrifice my birthday gift. That would be the worst. So I try to hope I can hang on long enough for help or opportunity to come. And hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Day 3786 - 11/12 - Fussy but stable

Today things worked out about as well as could be expected for a holiday at the food store. The signal was adequate, only dropping me a few times, but enough to play and watch shows.

The old power supply seems stable, but it's fussy about its cable position. Yesterday and today haven't been the most stressful tests as the system has been sat on a desk and not moved. From what I recall the off and on my lap several times during the day is questionable each time I move it. But again, I hope it hangs on enough to make it until turkey weekend and dad sends enough to cover it. It seems unlikely, as turkey weekend is usually a lower amount, but I really don't want to sacrifice my birthday game money that I have reserved because actual cash seems to be becoming more and more rare these days. (It's, in fact, already $20 down to cover a few things.)

But I guess I hung on today. And some days that has to be enough. So I try to hold on to hope that help will come, maybe opportunity will come, and that I can hang on until then.

Day 3787 - 11/13 - Hopefully back to normal

Today hopefully things will get back to normal. I'm settled at school and getting warmed up. The nights are already down to the 40s so it's pretty cold. I finally got a shower and got shaved again. It's nice to be soft and smooth again. Hairy is scary and awfully itchy.

The weekend feels more like it was a week than it was a single day. And that will happen again in just two weeks for turkey weekend.

The power supply turned on right when I plugged it in, which is great, but I just leaned over as I'm writing this and it lost power until I leaned back. Hopefully it will be stable enough to not need to sacrifice my birthday gift money and dad will send enough on turkey weekend. Or maybe I can hold out long enough for someone to get it as a gift for Xmas time. Needing to spend my birthday money would be terrible enough, but I worry even more as we rapidly approach my car insurance payment being overdue past the 15th. Checking online the old power supply I'm using was covered for two years, which must have just been out of its coverage period or had a shorter period as I would have sent that one in. I think the replacement one someone sent me (the one that got surged) must have been for Xmas in 2016, so that's also within the last two years. Maybe it's covered. I don't seem to have record of it online since it was a gift, so I'll have to search my 'files' for the gift receipt. That would be some great news.

But there are no donations waiting for me this morning, so all I can do is continue to hope some come later in the day or I get a call for a paid survey (which seems unlikely at this point as I think it's now past the time for the two I had open.) Until then all I can do is try to hang on; emotionally and financially.

Week 542

Day 3788 - 11/14 - Already on the way

Today turned out pretty good. In the morning I sent word to the online store about my busted power supply. It turns out the seller no longer exists. Since they (the online people) didn't want me to go through the hassle of tracking down the power supply manufacturer they just went ahead and gave me enough credit to buy a new one. And, it came in time to put in the order before the day was over, so it will be here Saturday. So that is super good news.

It was weird researching it though. It turns out that the recent one just died. Apparently I got it just this past Xmas, not even a year ago. I'd thought I got it the year before that. I guess the one I was using as backup is the one that popped (from the surge), which happened sometime in 2016. It must have been fine until it started getting fussy quite a bit later and I felt the need to replace it. Which, I guess means the replacement one just got weak and died for no reason since it would have always been on the surge protector. I was wrong about the coverage too. The old one I had only had a year coverage, not two, probably why I didn't RMA it when it popped. And the new one (and the one on the way) are only covered for 90 days, so coverage for power supplies are super short. I guess you can get extended coverage for like $25, but what would be the point of that since that's most of the price of a new one.

In sad news there were no donations. I haven't gotten a warning from my car insurance, but tomorrow is the 15th so I expect one will come quickly after that. Hopefully help will come on turkey day weekend and I can at least get November paid.

While super fussy at times the power held and I was able to spend the day mostly relaxing. I played games and watched shows. I actually found a job to apply to, so that's something. But I continue to try and hang on to hope. And hopefully tomorrow will be a better day too.

Day 3789 - 11/15 - Closed for smoke

Today was pretty unexpected. I got to school, got my shower, was on the way to my main building thinking about what I wanted and needed to do and someone I knew stopped me and said campus was closed. I guess college wasn't the only school that decided to be closed this morning, as I noticed maybe 25% of the normal traffic on the way in. I guess due to the air pollution from the fire schools are closed until Monday.

I had to eat weirdly. Thank the gods the cafeteria area with the microwaves were open for a bit. (Notice of closing was only sent out at 8, and I was done showering at 8:30.) I microed both lunch and dinner. I had lunch basically for breakfast, and packed most of dinner into containers. It kept ok during the day. It wasn't great, because it wasn't freshly warm, but it wasn't completely terrible. Had I not been able to do that I'd have lost an entire day's worth of food.

The library was open and they had ok bandwidth until the early afternoon when it dropped to almost nothing. I did get to play my games and watch my shows, but not as much as I'd expected. Hopefully bandwidth will be more normal through the weekend.

I didn't expect to get a warning from my car insurance, but now being past the 15th I expect things to escalate quickly if they remain unpaid. Hopefully monies will come for turkey weekend and I can get caught up, but if donations and help doesn't come soon I expect there will be trouble.

But I try to hang on to hope. Hopefully people affected by the fire will be ok. Hopefully the air will get better soon. And hopefully I can make it through the smoke and get help to make it to better days.

Day 3790 - 11/16 - Sad feeling day

Today felt very sad. I think part is my inability to pay for what would otherwise be basic things. More and more things are going to keep coming up and going critical and I'm getting more and more worried since there has been less and less help.

I think too, a big part is that I can't play what I really want. The library firewall blocks my shooter so I have to use a VPN to break through that. But the VPN only lets me have so much time a month, and I lost a ton on regular things because school's connection still hasn't recovered from being dumb after its power outage and it's still blocking stuff that it shouldn't.

So I feel very sad lately because simple bill things have become an absurdly difficult thing lately; Things I should never have to worry about and certainly wouldn't be if I were in a home. The holiday doesn't help as that serves as yet another reminder of my life not being normal.

I'm very tired today too. For some reason I got up 1.5 hours before my alarm. I had gotten eight hours of sleep until that point, so I guess it's ok, but still.

So even though I am very sad and my life seems extremely limited I try to hang on to hope. Hope that help will come. And hope that I can make it to better days.

Day 3791 - 11/17 - Has new power

Today was good and bad. It was good in that the air seemed less polluted, though the website that reports it said it was just as bad. And I got my replacement/new power supply. I haven't used it yet, but plugging it in shows the blue power light, so it should be fine.

It was bad in that emotionally it was pretty tough. I'm still struggling emotionally with the everyday simple things I don't have. Like being able to play my things or watch my shows without limits, or not worrying about gas, or deciding to go out to get fast food for dinner. But too there are a lot of holiday ads showing up. So I'm starting to be reminded of the bigger things I don't have, and may never have in life.

But all I can do is lower my scope. Focus just on today. Just on right now. Look at what I have and try to manage ok with that. I try to hang on to hope. And hopefully I can make it through to better days.

Day 3792 - 11/18 - Another smoke day

Today was kind of ok, kind of bad. By just the early afternoon the connection at the library as pretty bad. It was to the point of disconnecting me literally every other minute. So most of the day I couldn't play online.

In good news when I was playing, and when I was not, power was solid and stable. So the power supply is confirmed as fine.

In the late afternoon Igot a message from school. Monday will again be a closed day due to smoke. At this rate I expect them to be like 'f-it, let's blow of Tuesday and Wednesday and just call it a 10-day weekend. It's going to put my project work in a serious bind if they close more. Because of the already closed time I will already miss an important deadline. (A week late will be fine, but if they close more it would be even later.)

I guess the day overall wasn't terrible, but it still could have been better. I suppose as with any sad homeless days it could be. But I try to hold on to hope. I continue to hope donations to pay the bills come. And hopefully I can make it to better days.

Day 3793 - 11/19 - Bad, but tolerable

Today was bad, but fairly tolerable. It was bad I didn't get real food. My tummy has been upset all day as it's now the fifth in a row it's had bad food. It was ok in that I got to play for a bit, but it wasn't as much as I'd hoped since the bandwidth became garbage by three. I lost a few hours of game and show watching time due to the bad bandwidth compared to if I were in school.

I suppose it was a bit less stressful, which is good. But there was zero interaction, which is bad. I mean, sure, I posted the same amount on the social site, but that doesn't really count.

There were no donations, so I'm getting extremely worried that help may not come to pay the car insurance in time. I don't know what will happen if it continues.

But all I can do is try to hang on. I have to keep hoping that help with donations and holiday gift cash money comes in time. And that I can hang on emotionally and financially until then.

Day 3794 - 11/20 - Finally smooth

Today I am finally soft and smooth again. I think that's always been the biggest way to keep hopeful and normal feeling; by being able to have clean cloths and be recently showered. I'm getting pretty far from that these days with no income causing me to be unable to do laundry. I've heard the local help place has a way to give you laundry tokens, so maybe I should look into that. I fear needing to go to such a place in person. It's not that it's out of the way, it's actually on the way to the library, it's just that usually you have to wait for hours for someone to see you at those places.

I am settled in to my spot and hopeful today will start to feel normal. Though this week will be the shortest ever and then it's back to the food store.

I don't know if help and donations are waiting. I haven't turned on my system yet. I hope so. I don't know how I'll manage critical bills without help soon. It's going to get very bad soon I'm sure. But I try to stay hopeful and hopefully today will turn out ok.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2018
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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