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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 13: Changed World

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book
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View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book
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View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
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View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 671

Day 4691 (V:415) - 5/5 - Shorts weather

Today and yesterday has been shorts weather. I'm glad I decided to change off of full pants, as it's been 80F+ these past few days. Though it was a bit too chilly in the morning. I had my hoodie on until about 11, and my long sleeve shirt on until about 1. Unlike Monday, where I had both off by about noon. I think the weather showed it will be like somewhere between 75F and 85F to the end of the forecast period (I guess 10 days?)

I guess today was ok. The signal seems strong and stable again without issues, so that's good. The streamer I watch has been off this week, so that is strange to not hear him or be distracted by chat.

My allergies are still killing me. My nose has still been completely stuffed up. My tummy feels a bit off lately too, possibly from all the congestion going in there.

I guess I'm ok. And I survived another day.

Day 4692 (V:416) - 5/6 - Chilly breeze

Today has had a chilly breeze. I am still in shorts, but I kept all my top layers on. I even kept my hoodie on all day, even though I expected to take it off immediately after getting to my spot.

I guess today was a good day. The streamer I watch is off for the week, so it's still odd not to have people to talk to. I have been listening to stuff though, but it's really just junk news or things of passing interest. Still all game things, or things I'm interested in, but not really anything I'm likely to remember.

I'd prefer silence, but I think in a way I need it to not be right now. At least for the moment. I think I need it like I need the games. It further distracts my brain and senses from paying attention to my surroundings. With just the game my ears hear the world around me, and my eyes become easily distracted. And my attention, and thus non-surface thoughts, focuses on sad things and my place in the world.

I guess things weren't too bad. It was way cooler than what I expected, which was more good than bad. I'm still super congested, which is bad, but the connection was strong and stable, so even though I did nothing special in game, that was good.

At least for the moment I continue to try my best to hang on.

Day 4693 (V:417) - 5/7 - Disruptive

Today the connection was unstable again. In the morning it threw off my routine in timing, and though I caught up, I didn't have time to look for anything fancy in my MMO. Then after, when I went to try and catch up on the seasonal stuff for my (old) shooter the server was down for a few hours, so I was disrupted from doing that.

I guess it was ok. I spent extra time in my card game. And I got caught up with a show. But the connection being unstable was disruptive and made me a little bit sad.

The day was pretty quiet and calm overall. There wasn't much chatter online, and though a few more people did come by my area, they passed by quickly. It has also still been cooler, closer to 75F than 85F. There was a chilly breeze in the afternoon that made it feel colder.

I guess I survived the day ok. I am still super exhausted from my congested nose keeping me from sleeping. But I guess, as with everything else, I just have to keep trying to hang on as best as I can.

Day 4694 (V:418) - 5/8 - Return of the heat

Today the heat returned. When I left I think the weather was showing 85F. I'm ok in my car now, as I have shade for the moment. But in probably an hour it will be directly behind me, and I fear I'll start sweating like crazy as I'll be unable to avoid it. There is an increasing wind though, so it may cool down faster than I expect.

I did about what I hoped to in my game. I am still pushing to finish a thing by Monday, and I should be able to finish tomorrow, so it should be fine. But the day passed quicker than I expected. At one point I pondered what to do next and realized it was time to go to the car.

Today I was pretty hot. At least from about 1 on. And I was almost completely stopped up the whole time. My nose and allergies are still going crazy. But hopefully things will cool off a bit. Hopefully the connection will stay strong and be ok. And hopefully I can continue to hang on.

Day 4695 (V:419) - 5/9 - Hot, cold, hot

Today was pretty weird weather. The morning was so warm that I was tempted to take off my hoodie even before getting settled in my outside spot. I did take it off when I got there though. Though within an hour I was chilly and put it back on. Then two hours later I was warm enough to want to take it off again. And an hour after that took off my long sleeve shirt too.

I guess it was an ok day. The connection was so unstable it dropped me from a group in my MMO. So after that I just tried to push through my shooter season pass thing. I have tomorrow to try and finish, so I should finish pretty easy since what's left should only take about an hour.

I felt kind of sad today though. I don't know if it was because of my allergies and having a migraine, or the sads gave me a migraine. But for a lot of the day my eyes hurt, my sinuses hurt, and there was a throbbing in my jaw and cheek bones.

I guess the day was ok other than that. My sad life is still the same sads. But for the moment I continue to try my best to continue to hang on.

Day 4696 (V:420) - 5/10 - Feeling weird

Today I feel weird. My lunch/dinner food might be kind of bad. When I had some for lunch I didn't feel great after. That food often kind of upsets my tummy though, so I wasn't really surprised. And the feeling was basically gone in about an hour, so it wasn't super unusual. But I feel really exhausted too, like I've been out in a huge crowd at some live event for like the past 4 hours.

The streamer was back on today, so I got to watch and say hi to people in chat, so that was nice. The weather was both colder and warmer. I had my hoodie off as it was warmer in general, but now in the mid-afternoon a cool breeze has been getting stronger, cooling things down. The connection was... good enough. It wasn't amazing, but it wasn't worse than average.

I'm suuuppper extremely tired today. But I guess overall, at least so far, today was ok.

Day 4697 (V:421) - 5/11 - Maybe hot, maybe cool

Today it's supposed to get up to almost 90F. But it was supposed to be almost that hot yesterday too, and at the time of my writing it showed 85F, but it felt closer to 75F (in my shaded spot outside). So I don't know if today will be hot or cold.

I don't know what to expect for today. There are no unexpected or expected plans. The only plans I have is getting the second vaccination shot Friday. So I guess today I will continue to hope for the best, and hopefully nothing bad will happen, and I can continue to hang on until better days.

Week 672

Day 4698 (V:422) - 5/12 - Cooling, dropping

Today was a cooler day. It seems the max temperature is lowering. I had my hoodie on all day, and I think it was barely showing over 80F when I left the outside spot, meaning in the shade where I was was likely a lot cooler.

The connection was kind of terrible today. It was fine in the early morning, but by late morning it was getting wobbly. I didn't even try to find fancy activities in my MMO and just played my shooter. Even though that seems to have fewer issues when solo, even that started getting wobbly. And when I left the game and was just trying to watch a video, even that would drop down to the lowest setting and would pause to catch up. So at least for now, it seems unstable again.

I guess it was an ok day. I am surprised my food lasted overnight with how hot it was yesterday. I did decide to put up my broken umbrella in the back window to block the sun, and it's kind of perfect since the size is half of the new umbrella. So I guess all in all I survived the day ok, and I continue to try to hang on.

Day 4699 (V:423) - 5/13 - Appointment

Today was kind of meh. The connection was ok, but the game I would have played in the afternoon shut down for maintenance. While I did the daily things I needed to do, I lost an hour or two I would have otherwise played.

Physically I was not the best either. My nose was clear at night, but after getting up it's been plugged 90% of the time. That has also given me a bit of a headache, nearly a migraine. And my tummy kind of disagreed with the food I got, and was grumbly for a few hours after eating.

I have my second poking appointment in the morning, so I'm a bit nervous about that. About half the people who said something about it said it made them pretty sick feeling. I didn't feel any symptoms after the first, so I'm hopeful that I'm in the half that's not affected.

I also got my car registration in the mail, which is due around mid-July. Sadly it does require that special old smog type check. I'll probably do it soon. But I worry that maybe this is the year the catalytic converter test doesn't pass. Or what if something else has gone bad and it needs hundreds to fix it? Hopefully I'll pass and be safe for at least another two years. Since it's the older type hopefully they will just stop requiring me to do it, since the car is 25 years old and apparently almost no one has those kind of test machines anymore. (At least I don't have to worry about the ticket anymore. I didn't mention, but I was checking online after mailing it, and it did show as "closed" after a bit, and the lights haven't had any issues since.)

But as always, things are out of my control. I can just do what I need, hope for the best, and hopefully I can deal with any issues that come up. And hopefully I can continue to hang on.

Day 4700 (V:424) - 5/14 - Feeling fine

Today was my second poking appointment. It was very different from the first time. At first when I arrived I was worried they were closed or I was somehow in the wrong place. Only a couple of people were walking towards the building and there was no line outside at all. I checked in at the door, walked straight to the poking check in, where there were twice as many people working as before, then walked right over to wait to be poked. I think I waited second in line for less than a minute.

It's now about 8 hours from the poking and not only do I not have any arm pain, but I don't feel sick at all. The later isn't super surprising, as I felt no symptoms the first time, but I was very worried as half the people who have mentioned their second shot said they felt sick. I was super careful to stretch my arm every 15 or 30 minutes though, as it felt fine the first time and I didn't. And I took a multi-vitamin yesterday and today to prepare my body. I got some fresh cooked food to further help my recovery too.

I guess the day was ok. The connection was good enough and I did what I wanted. The day did seem to pass very quickly though, even though the appointment only ate about 45 minutes of time.

So I guess one big boon to feel better lately. Hopefully the next will come next week when I pass smog with no issues. If I can I'll immediately pay off the registration so it's done and I don't have any worries. I was hoping to get tires after, but that would require more stimulus money. There was word California would be getting more, but the time I should have gotten that is basically by today. There will still be processing for as long as a month more, but unless mine has somehow been delayed and is coming later it seems more likely I didn't qualify for this extra round.

Well, at least for the moment things seem fine, which is really the best I can hope for. So I continue to try to hang on.

Day 4701 (V:425) - 5/15 - Still feel ok

Today I am still feeling ok. In the morning my shoulder was a bit stiff and sore and I did feel a bit... off, but not really sick. By late morning I felt pretty much normal. At least normal for my sad homeless life.

I suppose there wasn't anything really different today other than that. I had an ok but regular time in my games. I decided to watch a couple of shows. And that was really my day.

Though on days like today things feel tougher, because I can't do the things others can (like have a fresh cooked soup, and be extra restful to recover.) I suppose I continue to try my best to hang on.

Day 4702 (V:426) - 5/16 - Started feeling sick

Today started by feeling a bit sick. I guess it really started yesterday. I felt a bit off, but not really sick. Over the course of the day, mostly as it got into night, I'd say more and more it felt like my body was remembering what it felt like to be sick. Not actually sick, but the memory of a migraine, slight dizziness, fever, and all over body chills. But again, not actually feeling that way, because checking my temperature I felt normal, maybe a bit cold if anything. It's difficult to describe. I guess when I was sleeping and a bit through this morning it was closer to actually feeling sick than the memory of it, as I had some pretty whacky dreams, and did genuinely feel like I had chills.

My dreams for about the past week or so have been pretty good. They haven't been the usual fixation on sad homeless life, but instead they are made up things in new places, with new people. I think that's a sign that, at least subconsciously, I'm feeling more hopeful about the future.

Now nearing evening I guess I'm feeling better. I feel less actually sick-like, though all day my nose has been super sniffly and I've been sneezing a ton. My arm still feels a little bit punched, and the lymph nodes in the area are still a touch reactive. But overall I guess I'm ok.

At least until tomorrow, when I'll try and do the smog. Partly because it's been chilly lately, so there is a very slight chance that will help. But mostly because if there is an issue it's probably better to know sooner rather than later, as the due date for the registration is the due date and that won't change based on smog.

But for the moment I continue to try my best to hang on to what little is left. And hopefully I can make it through to better days.

Day 4703 (V:427) - 5/17 - Better than expected

Today was better than expected. I went to the smog place early and hoped for the best. The guy was actually surprised how well the car cleared the test for its age. He even said there wasn't an issue with that one test part I asked about that it's had issues on before. Though he did say the oil light came on, so I talked about the issues it's had and why I've set the 5 mile distance limit. He said the issues are probably connected in that if the engine senses low oil pressure it cuts off the fuel. His guess is what is probably happening is an oil gauge sensing issue, or I think he said maybe an oil valve? I didn't ask how much that would be to fix, because I'm assuming even if that were fixed it wouldn't fix the overall heat issue when I drive far. (Plus I have no extra money.)

But passing smog meant that I could pay the registration without fear, which is one of the biggest and most important bills for the year. (I don't have to worry about smog for another two years.)

So today there is a huge relief, both in something I was worried about that could happen, and something I was worried about that was a yearly bill. And I got word I can be in the ex-garage for a bit, so that is some extra nice news, especially since I still don't quite feel 100% from my poking. So today closes pretty good. Certainly on a more positive note than it otherwise would.

Day 4704 (V:428) - 5/18 - Sleeping in Tuesday

Today I don't know what to expect. I will sleep in and get some extra rest. I'll be in shelter and safe, hopefully with a strong and stable connection. So that is about as good as things get for my sad homeless life these days. And hopefully that will help me continue to hang on.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2021
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