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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 13: Changed World

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 675

Day 4719 (V:443) - 6/2 - Red pepper

Today I didn't want to have lunch meat or ready to eat meat foods. I got a cup of grapes and cheese, and also got a red pepper, which seemed drastically overpriced at $2, but I guess it's been all this time since I've gotten them.

The day passed very slowly. I thought it was nearly 1, but checking the clock it was only 11. But the afternoon passed very fast. From 1-4 it felt like only about an hour had passed. The day did eventually get pretty warm, but it started looking like it was going to rain.

I'm having fun with my new MMO expansion, and I suppose nothing bad happened today. Except for the pepper and fruit making my tummy feel a bit odd. But I guess it was an ok day and I didn't feel too sad, so I try to hang on.

Day 4720 (V:444) - 6/3 - Fast day

Today passed pretty quickly. It was because I was having fun with my new MMO expansion. I remember bits and pieces of the day, but nothing clearly. I'm still pretty sad. I'm feeling pretty exhausted too, and kind of partly asleep in my brain, so that may have contributed to the fast passage of time.

Today wasn't terrible, but I'm still sneezy, exhausted, and sad inside, but I try my best to hang on.

Day 4721 (V:445) - 6/4 - Burning rubber

Today was pretty good, I suppose. I was still pretty sad but my new expansion is distracting me. And I got to do a new fancy raid. I suppose technically I didn't get anything I needed, but I got some stuff that will help eventually, and some things I might need someday.

I got some stuff at the food store, and while I don't normally get a bag - it's probably been a year since I've grabbed one - I got one today. It smells pretty bad. I'd say it smells like burning rubber. I'd guess it's because it's recycle plastic, and I'd guess tires from the smell. But fooooo, considering this is from a food store I don't know why they agreed to this material. (They've been using this one for maybe 8 months.) I mean, it's fine if everything is in boxes or in their own smaller bags, but I'd worry as a shopper that something put directly into the bag might absorb some of the smell.

Nothing else really special or unusual today, just a regular homeless day. I got to shave and make a few parts clean in the morning in the outside bathroom, but I've done that a few weeks now, so it's routine. It... helps, but it's nothing hugely different. And so, I continue to try my best to hang on.

Day 4722 (V:446) - 6/5 - Odd goal completion

Today I completed a goal in my MMO that felt odd after completing. I got not just one, but both, of the missing items I needed to complete a fancy raid set in a single run. I've been trying that one for what feels like probably a year or longer. Maybe I was kind of in shock that I got both and completed it in a single go, especially since those have been the only missing pieces for the last like 25 runs. But I felt no excitement, nor relief that I don't need to do that one anymore. I think a big part of it is I'm really just collecting things like that to 'be ready' for the day I'm in a home and free to run whenever I want. Currently in the few hard things I get a chance to do I'm like, 'hey I have this, but also have options,' and no one seems to care or voice a specific need. So really having the 'best' options seems unimportant or like no one cares that I can make the run better.

I guess the day was pretty good. It was quiet and relatively calm. The weather is cooling, and I guess by Monday it's supposed to peak in the 70s for at least a week. It does look cloudy and gray lately, so maybe there is some kind of storm coming.

I'm still pretty sneezy and exhausted. I feel like if it was an option I'd just take a quick shower, have an early dinner of pasta, and go to bed like 3 hours earlier than normal. But I can't sleep early, and I already had what counts for 'dinner', and the desired things are not an option. So, as always, I have what I have, and my routine really can't change, but I try my best to continue to hang on.

Day 4723 (V:447) - 6/6 - Wanted to share

Today I wanted to share some super yummy grapes I got with the squirrels near me. There are one or two that have always hopped past me. I forgot they do that sometimes just before lunch until after one went by. I put out two grapes on the edge of the walkway for them to see and come get. But they didn't come back. Before that spot started to get too sunny I moved them over to some local trees I've seen them in. Hopefully they will find them later. The trees are to the side of my view, so unless I look for them I won't see if they got them.

I noticed on a chat app it still listed a group I raided with. But I haven't grouped or raided with them in like three months, so I left the group. I kind of immediately regretted it. But, that chat area is not the guild. I was never officially asked to join, and even the two in-game that I have 'friended' haven't really spoken to me in that time. Though, I guess due to how sad and terrible things are it has felt like almost a year.

I guess I shouldn't be sad though. I really only left the potential of a friendly social place. In practice nothing was said in that group really during that time I forgot to check. (Like half a dozen things were said total.) And none of that was directed at me.

Something odd did happen a bit later though. Someone randomly came up and said hi. They asked how I'd been and said they wondered if I was ok because they hadn't seen me chat in the zone like I used to. It was very unexpected and nice to know I was noticed and missed. I suppose it was that someone felt comforted by seeing my particular 'in character' chatter even though we'd never met. Again that, 'I am a touchstone for someone' effect.

I suppose today was pretty good overall. I'm sad I couldn't share my food with the squirrels, but hopefully they will get it later. And it was nice to find out I was noticed and missed. But I still feel so very exhausted, and so very sad that my life is so limited. But I try to hang on.

Day 4724 (V:448) - 6/7 - Reverse day

Today seems like what I do is being reversed. My MMO server has been down for maintenance all day so far, so I played the game I usually play in the afternoon during the morning, and hopefully soon I'll be able to play my MMO, since it's now early afternoon nearing mid-afternoon. If it continues to stay down I guess I'll continue to do my later day stuff 'first' and hopefully get to play some in a bit. Though in a few hours I'll hit the 'blinding time' and pretty much all I can do then is watch shows because the screen gets difficult to see gaming things due to the overall area brightness.

In the morning things were extra quiet, so I got an extra undisturbed time when I did my shaving and stuff. Not really a huge deal, but since it's just a regular bathroom, not a shower area, it feels less weird to do things undisturbed with no one around.

I checked the trees for the grapes and I didn't see them. I suppose it's possible the sprinklers hit them and washed them away, but since the spot I put them is 2-3 feet from the ground I hope the squirrels found them to eat.

It is actually getting pretty chilly and not super warm like it has been lately. In the past half hour or so this crazy wind has started up, which seems extra bad in that it's kicking up a lot of dirt from the path near me, triggering my allergies. While the sky looks a touch hazy it looks otherwise normal, so I'm still curious what has caused the 10F drop.

I guess overall it's just a regular homeless day. And so, I continue to try to hang on.

Day 4725 (V:449) - 6/8 - Chilly Tuesday

Today the only thing I know for sure is it will still be chilly. I don't know what my day will hold for me. Hopefully I can play my games. I will hope for job things, but really that seems unlikely with things like they are. But, as always, all I can really hope for is things don't get worse, and that I can continue to hang on.

Week 676

Day 4726 (V:450) - 6/9 - Cold but hot

Today was pretty cold. I was considering getting my second hoodie from the car to stay warm, even though I'm back to pants and had an extra undershirt on. It was almost winter kind of chilly. There were rain clouds and a cold breeze too. I was very tempted to leave my outside spot early because I was so cold.

But now in the evening in my car I'm hot. The cold is only outside the car, and even with the windows down a bit I regret having the undershirt, as I'm kind of sweating a bit. Hopefully things will calm down soon.

I don't feel great today. My tummy and... digestive system is a bit unstable. I think partly due to the allergies and cold that just won't go away, and maybe just genuinely being upset about today's chicken that I got yesterday. I've been feeling maybe a touch feverish, still sneezy sometimes, and still very exhausted.

My food money has built up quite a bit extra, or it's from a boon, I'm still not sure. I found news online that it was increased by 15% until September due to the virus. So I suppose since I've been eating the same that's where the extra has come from. Hopefully I can hang onto most of it and continue to build it up just in case. So far it's added up to 'an extra month', so that is quite a bit. I did try and get a hot food the other day and it didn't qualify, so I guess the other day when I did the person incorrectly labeled the hot food I got. I'm not sure. It would be nice if I could. I'll probably try again with something small eventually, or with a cooked soup if they return.

I guess today was ok though. There was the stream and chat to distract me. I actually won an older game in a giveaway yesterday. My game was stable and I got to do a fancy raid a few times. And I watched just a bit of a show.

I am still very sad and having an extra hard time lately, but I suppose I am continuing to hang on all things considered.

Day 4727 (V:451) - 6/10 - Extra cool, extra hour

Today was still pretty cool for having been 80F+ just a few days ago. I think the temperature showed it peaking around 72F today. There was a cold breeze, which almost made things too cold in the morning. I almost went to the car to get my extra hoodie. But the cold temperatures mean the umbrella was enough to keep the laptop from getting hot in the blinding hour, which meant I could stay an hour later in the spot than I have been. (Before it started to blind me at eye level.) So I got a little bit more play and show time than I have been lately since the time change.

I started the day kind of backwards. There was a call for a fancy raid that I got in, which actually turned out pretty good since I got a loot I needed, which allowed me to complete two side sets I've been working on. I didn't get other raids later, which seems odd because many are doing that one lately, but I did all my other regular things after that.

I'm still ridiculously tired though. Not really exhausted, as lately I've felt that way and dozed off in my car during not ideal times (when I'm waiting in the evening). So I don't feel quite that sleepy today, but it's close. I'm super congested too, but I don't know if the congestion and exhaustion are a cause or a symptom. With my life as terrible as it is I'm under ridiculous extreme stress all the time. The only way I could even think to explain it would be to say to imagine being at a theme park or outdoor concert and festival event, but that level of physical stress doesn't let up. It lessens at night, when things are quiet and people settle, but it never goes away to allow you to recover. And since it's been nearly 13 full years, it's apparent I'm not likely to ever really get used to it in the sense of my body settling in and being healthy (like in a home) under such conditions.

But all I can do is try to manage as best as I can. And hopefully I can continue to hang on.

Day 4728 (V:452) - 6/11 - Still no pizza gift card use

Today was ok, I suppose. I had a pretty good time chatting with stream people in the morning. And I had a pretty good time in my MMO, though nothing fancy happened. It was chilly and I kept all my clothes on, but not so chilly that I felt I needed to get any extra layers from the car.

Because I've been feeling extra sad and extra under the weather lately I decided to try and see if I could get pizza with my gift card again. Not surprisingly the guy said no, claiming it's giving an error and not going through. Since it's been like four months now, and this is the third time he's said no, I asked who's responsible for fixing that. He claims it's a corporate thing, and that he's informed them and nothing's been fixed. While places have been affected or closed in these times, I find it hard to believe a major pizza chain would ignore maintenance on its gift card system for those like me who need it in these hard times. I guess I'll try and find a way to contact corporate and see if what he claims is true. (I also don't really trust this guy because every time I've seen him he's had his mask either off, or not covering his nose. This time within a few feet of his co-workers and customers.)

I guess the day was ok. I am super exhausted. I had some pretty bad congestion coughing in the morning. I took a decongestant pill and allergy pill, but I question if either did anything to help.

I guess all I can do is continue to try to hang on.

Day 4729 (V:453) - 6/12 - Feel sick day

Today I am still feeling pretty sick. I feel super congested in my throat down through to the center of my chest. I'm still exhausted feeling, and sneezed several times during the day.

It's gotten back to pretty warm. The temperature was in the low 80s when I last saw and it's supposed to be around 80F all week. There is still a pretty strong chilly wind though, so I guess that helped keep things cooler.

There was a yearly game show going on, and will be over the next couple of days, but there wasn't anything really exciting shown yet. This show has become less important over the years as things can very easily just be announced and shown on the Internet. There's really no reason for a big show like this anymore. Certainly not like there was 20 years ago.

The day passed quickly, but I guess was ok. I feel kind of sick from this cold, and had a bit of a migraine for a while. I hope nothing is wrong internally that is causing these symptoms to persist. All I can do is try my best to hang on.

Day 4730 (V:454) - 6/13 - Sick from pain

Today I am feeling pretty sick from too much tooth pain. I overdosed on pain meds to try and stop it, so I feel sick from that a bit too. The pain has been a bit less for a few hours, but it's still bad.

I guess today was a good play day though. I did some stuff I wanted, so I progressed with that, but there was nothing special other than that. There was the game show happening too, so I saw a couple of interesting things. Nothing coming soon that looked amazing though. But I suppose anything coming soon we already knew about.

So I continue to hope my pain goes away. And I try to continue to hang on.

Day 4731 (V:455) - 6/14 - Still feeling sick from extreme pain

This morning and last night were pretty terrible. Starting very suddenly around 8 last night I started getting immense pain in my lower left jaw (or maybe the last two corrupted teeth there.) It got so intense I was starting to feel feverish and ultra dizzy when I moved my head. It felt like I was going to throw up. The intense pain and throbbing continued through the night. I have no idea how I managed to sleep with it happening.

Today I got some special tooth pain stuff. It's kind of subsided after taking a pain med in the morning. (I overdosed yesterday to no effect.) So, I have that if things get really bad again. So far, in the mid-afternoon, it's pretty much normal levels of constant pain.

I'm very tired today. I probably lost a lot of sleep because of the pain and sick feelings. I guess today has been ok though. It was hot yesterday, but today has been overcast with the cold wind again, so it's probably closer to 72F than it was the 82F of yesterday.

Hopefully the pain will soon be gone. And hopefully I continue to hang on.

Day 4732 (V:456) - 6/15 - Hopefully pain free Tuesday

Today I hope there is no pain, especially at the unbearable level it was at Sunday night. A normal person would have likely been crying and throwing up from the pain. It was tough to not even with my extreme tolerance.

But hopefully it will continue to lessen. Hopefully soon I will be pain normal, and continue to hang on.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2021
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)
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