Week 911
Day 6371 - 12/10 - Brick tummy
Today my tummy feels like there is a brick in it. Sadly I really do think I need to give up on the idea of using my hot water heating bottle to 'cook' condensed soups and ramen. While ramen isn't the worst it's not great, and the effects can last hours. I did a condensed vegetable soup and either it just didn't cook right or tummy is having issues with the little letters and its gluten sensitivity. I ate 3 hours ago and it still feels like a small brick is in my tummy.
Other than that it was a pretty good day. I am making decent progress on my pen and paper stuff, though today was mostly very minor changes and some layout stuff. But progress is progress and it's important to keep going. Even better if I feel good about it. I still wonder if anyone really cares because I'm just me. It seems like the only things getting attention are teams of people asking for money on kickstarter to do their things.
Day 6372 - 12/11 - Just for me
Today I am feeling a bit sad. I feel pretty tired too. I would guess because it is winter and super cold and I always feel like I don't get as much sleep as I could due to being cold.
I did feel sad though. I checked numbers for December and I still show only one person paid $1 for all of the downloads of my stuff. And for the number of downloads, had it been payment required, I would have made $150 instead (before they take their cut of sales.) Maybe that is my fault for doing 'pay what you want' but it's likely I'd have no downloads if it weren't. But I still don't know if that means people are getting it and will look at it later, if they look it over and decide it's not for them, if they love it but don't have any money to pay now, or something else.
I feel like I am alone in a vacuum only doing things for me. Which really is how I would prefer to be. I don't want to feel forced or required to do a certain amount for someone else's profit.
But I still wonder; am I not appreciated? Do people not care about my stuff? Is there something wrong that makes it not worth supporting? I may never know. All I know is this feels the same as the rest of my life. I know a few do care. A few do like or love my stuff. But it seems basically the majority seems uninterested in supporting or acknowledging me.
Day 6373 - 12/12 - Mood flip
Today I had a mood flip. In the morning my brain was ready to go with pen and paper stuff, but by the time I got in to the library, settled, and had lunch, it didn't really feel like it. I did maybe just 1/2 hour, which sure is more than zero, but less than the 2 hours I'd like to do as a minimum per day.
I guess the day was ok other than that. I had food that didn't upset my tummy. I watched stuff. I barely got to play, but I got a free game which should be fun. So, overall I hung on ok.
Day 6374 - 12/13 - Too cold
Today was too cold. I was in the mood to do things, but not warm enough to really do them. So it was a forced day off, which I guess was ok. But I am sad thinking about how productive I could have been if I'd have been warm and comfortable enough. Hopefully someday I can get there.
Day 6375 - 12/14 - Bad vision day
Today vision wasn't great. The day started with a migraine, so that was about an hour for the blind spot to get through my eyes. And now it's just a blurry vision day. Hopefully it won't interrupt my pen and paper hobby stuff I want to try and do later, but sadly it may prevent my being creative.
Tummy doesn't feel great since I had lunch. Hopefully Thursday my appointment will reveal something and we can move towards feeling better, but I don't really know if there will be anything I can do. I guess if it is celiac disease that's a permanent thing and all you can do is just try to adjust diet and hope for the best. I may have an upset tummy pretty much all the time if it can't be helped. I guess the good news is it doesn't reduce lifespan, it just makes you super sensitive to gluten.
Day 6376 - 12/15 - Unknown day
Today I don't know what to expect. It may get super rainy. On Sunday it was super misty and seemed like rain. There is nothing I really expect or hope for the day.
Day 6377 - 12/16 - Another unknown Tuesday
Today I don't know what to expect. Hopefully it will be a regular and restful homeless day.
Week 912
Day 6378 - 12/17 - Day before
Today is the day before my appointment. I'll do the light fasting (only about 12 hours) before for whatever blood tests they need. Hopefully we can do a celiac disease test and gluten test and maybe something will show up. Positive results or not I'll probably be banning cake, bread, cookies, donuts, ramen, and soups. I'll try to reduce red meat too, though it isn't supposed to have any, apparently some which are preserved (like hot dogs) can actually have it in the preservatives.
Then if the tests haven't found anything maybe after two weeks I'll slowly phase things back in. Like if it is very difficult to have just lunchmeat without bread. I'll probably be leaning into chips, which isn't great, especially since I may have issues with corn (so corn chips or tortilla chips are especially not great.)
But I guess we'll maybe find out something in the late afternoon after tests have been run.
Day 6379 - 12/18 - Weird results
Today I had my appointment. I had some weird results with I guess my kidney results. So we are going to retest that in a week. I guess not processing things correctly could be why I have certain gluten sensitivity symptoms. I guess we'll see if anything shows up in a week.
I guess the day was ok other than that, but I was still pretty cold.
Day 6380 - 12/19 - Feeling weird
Today I definitely feel the weird kidney effects. Though I still don't understand how this could be happening from not enough water. My drinking habit has been the same, well, pretty much my whole life. So why all of a sudden could that cause issues? I guess going by just water, I do only drink 20% of what I should be, but adding in everything I'm at 60% of the total water I should be getting. So, why the sudden change and issues? I'd think if something were to come up because of that it would have happened years ago.
I don't know, maybe there are deeper issues and after a week if the results aren't better we will try other things to track down what is going on. As always all I can do is continue to try and manage one day at a time.
Day 6381 - 12/20 - Ok tummy
Today tummy has been ok. (Though it has been a bad day for seeing, so no pen and paper stuff.) I had a muffin in the morning and that was fine. I had chicken for lunch and dinner and that was fine. I guess tortilla chips aren't the best, maybe I have a corn sensitivity. But in smaller amounts they are fine. Hopefully tummy and my kidneys will be fine.
Day 6382 - 12/21 - No P.E.
Today I am tired and maybe have a bit of a migraine. My eyes feel a bit pushed in and my head hurts. I'm glad I asked about the stupid P.E. class the degree list said I needed for the Graphic Design degree. It's like if I already have an A.A. and B.A. how can I need a P.E. class for a second A.A.? Administration did get back to me and I guess found some classes the list wasn't previously showing. So, phew, I do just need the one class for the degree. Though that probably won't change anything. I've worked in the industry for 5 years part-time before. I guess it will be something to also say I have an official degree, and also finish out the film one. At this point I really wonder if anything I do will matter. Nothing seems to change people's opinion of me.
Even with my pen and paper stuff. My newest supplement is up to around 140 downloads, yet only two people have paid anything. Though someone did give it a 4 star review, so that's something I guess.
Day 6383 - 12/22 - Drink more Monday
Today I have to focus on drinking more. Oh, I forgot to mention the celiac disease test was done and I'm apparently very low in the normal range. So whatever is going on with my gluten issues is hopefully just a temporary thing. But this week I have to drink a lot of water. And hopefully the odd kidney results clear up.
Day 6384 - 12/23 - Drink more Tuesday
Today I have to drink more water still. I don't expect anything unusual. Even though it is Xmas Eve, I don't really expect anything from anyone.
