Week 915
Day 6399 - 1/7 - Kidney chat
Today tummy has been upset by a small amount of cheese. I kind of expected it since it was from yesterday, and I was upset by it yesterday, even though I only wasted $1 I thought it was best to toss it and not eat more. I guess better to toss it than eat more and be even more upset by it. I guess cheese has to go on the full ban list for a while.
The doc didn't really tell me much useful about my kidney issue. I guess she thinks it's nothing to really worry about and may just be because of my high blood pressure, which didn't make sense to me. It's like if I have that, but the meds drop it to 130/80, and that's fine, doesn't that mean I don't have high blood pressure? All we are really doing is another retest in 2 weeks. She did say ibuprofen is super bad since people with high blood pressure shouldn't use that, so I guess that may be something. I get migraines every few weeks, so I would take them then, so maybe stopping those will help.
My brain is having a terrible time being creative for my pen and paper stuff, so I didn't do anything for today. But I still wonder if more than just a few people care. There are barely any downloads and almost no one ever pays anything, so it makes me feel like no one cares.
But I guess I survived the day. And so I try my best to continue on.
Day 6400 - 1/8 - Age reminder
Today I was reminded of my age by a movie line. In the movie they reference the company had been progressing for the last 40 years. I was curious and looked it up and indeed the first movie released 43 years ago, which made me feel a bit sad. It was a very important movie to me, and still defines me in many ways. I still very clearly remember seeing it in the theater.
I was also a little reminded while chatting with some people about certain difficulty settings shouldn't be allowed in games. And I pointed out that I'm getting a bit older and have a very occasional finger twitch on my mouse hand, and one game I'm playing wants me to remember more than 12 buttons, and since that's a lot I'll sometimes push the wrong buttons.
I guess it's not a bad day, nor a bad reminder. But on days where I am reminded, and my eyes can't see great, and my brain doesn't feel as quick, prevent me from doing pen and paper stuff, I feel I am closer to my end than I am my beginning. And when doing the math, that is true. And it terrifies me.
Day 6401 - 1/9 - Anti-AI, but AI
Today was weird. I got into a class, which is the last one I need for an official graphic design degree. I guess I took about a year off since the last class since I thought I'd finished the ones I needed and didn't apply to graduate while I figured out what to do. (One of my fears is that if I do apply for the official degree I'll stop getting the fee waivers, which means I couldn't afford to go back, and would have no protection from past due student loan fees.)
The professor seems a bit weird though. She has a paragraph on an anti-AI stance, and says AI art will not be accepted. But then the very second assignment on the very first week she is having people find an image (on the internet or your own) and use the AI generation filter to expand two of the borders to increase the picture size. What? Are you anti-AI or not? I get AI tools like that, or things like removing things from images, are the way things are going, like it or not, but that's a pretty strange position to hold an anti-AI stance and then have people use AI in the second assignment.
Today's class stuff burnt up all of my creative time for the day, so no pen and paper hobby progress. Although, it was about 3 hours to do the entire week's work (and catch up.) So I guess sacrificing one creative slot a week to do all of the week's work is fine. Though there are reasons to cut it into smaller chunks, so I may do that, we'll see.
I guess the day was passable other than that. Food wasn't too bad. There was extra stress from someone I don't like sitting near me, so that was bad. But I guess overall, at least until this writing, the day has been passable. And hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Day 6402 - 1/10 - Bad start, nice end
Today had a bad start. At a place I go to shower some asshat (who I know is homeless and has been permanently banned from the library) started yelling at me because he felt he was totally entitled to a thing. And I was like, 'back off, you don't know what you are talking about.' If he tries that crap again I'll have to talk to the people at the center about it, because it's not ok to bully people and I won't stand for it.
In the afternoon I was going to try to be creative, but I had to do another assignment, and I got the software I needed to do it with, so that wound up being ok. But after the assignment I'd quickly gotten a migraine and had terrible vision, so that put an end to that. Which was ok, as it was nearly time to stop to do evening things anyways.
In the early evening someone said some very nice stuff about the pen and paper stuff I did. So that was super nice.
Day 6403 - 1/11 - Brain wants something
Today I didn't feel like doing the stuff I would normally do. I don't feel like jumping ahead in class. I feel like my brain wants something a bit different. I've got some 'Egyptian ambient' stuff in the background and that is nice. I know I saw a King Tut exhibit when I was young, but I've never really understood my draw to ancient Egypt. It's always just felt comfortable, mysterious, maybe safe in a way if you are familiar with the gods. I've never really understood why.
I don't know what I'll do after writing this, but I feel pretty tired. My brain feels like it couldn't think well, so maybe I'll just play stuff I don't usually play or one that's a bit different from what I normally do.
Day 6404 - 1/12 - Expect a regular Monday
Today I really just expect a regular Monday. There are lots of game things happening next week, but this week is going to be pretty regular. Since I have class again I may just sacrifice most of the day to see if I can effectively do all the week's work in one sitting. It shouldn't be too hard or time consuming, especially being an online class where I can run videos at 2x speed and rapidly skim through stuff that I'm familiar with. It's an intro class for software I've used for basically 30 years, so I really don't expect much challenge.
Day 6405 - 1/13 - Probably regular Tuesday
Today will likely be a regular homeless Tuesday. I don't expect anything different. Maybe I can get back to doing some pen and paper stuff. I hope I feel less tired. I've been pretty exhausted feeling lately. I don't know if that's a cold, the kidney issues, winter loss of sleep due to cold and such, or what.
Week 916
Day 6406 - 1/14 - Still migraines
Today I still got a migraine after just doing a little bit of school stuff and had a hard time seeing. I did think of some stuff I really want to do for my pen and paper stuff, so I worked on that for a bit.
I still feel like I want to play something new, or at least newer. Which I do have things to play, but I am having a hard time settling. There are some new game things coming next week, so I think my brain is hesitant to do something I already have with potentially new things around the corner.
Still a sad homeless day, but overall pretty ok.
Day 6407 - 1/15 - Unfocused
Today I had trouble focusing. In the morning to mid-afternoon I had trouble focusing my eyes. I wanted to do pen and paper stuff, but my mind also doesn't want to focus. By the time both did feel focused there was barely any time left before I had to go.
I got some warm food from the fancy food store and discovered some sad news. Nearly all of their plugs have been covered over with locking covers. I knew that was at risk. Stupid homeless used to go there and plug in their stuff and stay there literally all day. I even saw some people from the library I'd seen a lot and I flat out told them the store would start getting upset at people if they spent more than a couple hours there. And, well, I'm not surprised they took that away now.
I suppose even though I wanted to do pen and paper stuff, but couldn't focus. Today overall was a pretty ok day.
Day 6408 - 1/16 - Pizza rolls bad
Today was mostly ok. At the food store they do Friday sales. This time there wasn't a great choice, so I thought I'd get pizza rolls. Well that hasn't been great. It's not been terrible, but my tummy has been moderately upset by the gluten, so I should probably not do that ever again, especially since I'd only rate them at a 5 out of 10 tastiness.
I guess overall the day was ok. I felt more creative. And I did some pen and paper stuff. Not as much as I'd have hoped, but I was again pretty rapidly getting a migraine today, so I stopped before that got bad.
Overall I guess it was a fairly restful day, though the library still hasn't fixed the HVAC issues, so it is still pretty cold there overall, certainly too cold to take off any layers.
I don't expect anything special in the coming days, but hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Day 6409 - 1/17 - Tiny focus
Today I only had a tiny bit of focus. I felt super happy doing some pen and paper stuff, but could only stay focused for about 1 hour. I was even getting distracted in the middle of it. I feel pretty good about what little I did, but I wish I had more focus lately.
I think my brain and heart are just at a point where they are having a hard time dealing with the sadness and stress of my life, especially with the uncertainty of 'am I getting more unhealthy due to my poor kidney function?' I guess I still just have to continue hanging on to the thought that it isn't really a thing to worry about just yet, and continue to hope tomorrow will be a better day.
Day 6410 - 1/18 - Distracted focus
Today and for a while now my focus has been distracted. I've always done things like run shows in the background of some games, but lately it feels like my brain needs to have like three different things happening at once. Like I'll have a game, video running in the background, and splitting attention out to check social media stuff.
I guess it's not bad to be splitting my attention, but it does make doing my pen and paper stuff more difficult because that often needs to have all of my attention and be the only thing I'm doing.
I've had a bit of a rough throat today. I hope I'm not getting sick, but there have been a lot of people coughing in and around the library, so it's possible.
Day 6411 - 1/19 - Partly outside
Today is a holiday, so I'll have to be not at the library. I can be at the place I shower for half the day, so I'll have power and a connection, but things will be weird. Hopefully the day will pass ok.
Day 6412 - 1/20 - Odd Tuesday
Today will be different. I have to go on campus to do some stuff for an assignment, and then do it, so hopefully that will be ok. I'd normally do it on Monday, but for whatever reason it requires physical stuff I can't get until then. Hopefully the day will be ok.
