Week 923
Day 6455 - 3/4 - Dumb assignment
Today I spent a couple of hours doing another dumb assignment. I guess technically it did teach a couple of things, but honestly these assignments are all pretty much the same masking or layer things over and over. I really think the last 6 assignments could have thought the same thing in better ways with only 2 assignments.
I guess it was a pretty ok day other than that. I was pretty tired and had trouble focusing, so it was a good day to burn just doing school stuff I didn't care about.
Day 6456 - 3/5 - Play day off
Today I took a day off just to play stuff and try and relax and have fun. I'm still pretty congested and tired feeling. I don't know if I have a cold or what. It must be because it seems like too much for just allergies. Hopefully I can have fun and relax a bit over the weekend too.
Day 6457 - 3/6 - Choked
Today was another day off. I mostly just played, watched shows, or tried to relax. I am super congested though, so my throat was very closed up and I choked on lunch a bit and had to spit some up. As usual it felt like I was being choked to death from the inside. It wasn't too bad and passed after about 15 minutes and then I felt pretty normal again.
Nothing really special or unusual about the day other than that. I have been feeling pretty lonely lately, but that isn't really all that unusual.
Day 6458 - 3/7 - Feeling sad, heartbroken, and hopeless
Today I felt pretty sad and heartbroken. Lately I've been feeling very hopeless lately due to my pen and paper stuff not doing well. It still seems like pretty much just that initial burst near when I put them out will be it. Sure, they still get 0-1 downloads a day, but no one ever pays for them. I think the last time someone paid, which sure was recently, but it was only $2 of a suggested $10. And the time before that was probably a month ago with a similar very low amount.
In the afternoon I got a sad message about my stuff in the ex-garage will be blocked in. Which I guess ultimately is fine. I had to make it smaller a year ago in preparation for this, so I've known this was probably coming. But in a way it feels like I am being buried. Like I have no chance for recovery, so off I go.
When I started my laptop yesterday, and again today, it showed no power. I guess the plug is bad, which it has had a frayed cord for probably a year or more. I taped it down, but lately the screen has been extremely low gamma on startup, as if I'd turned it all the way down. And in the past few days there have been events where it felt like the system was running at like 5% of the speed it should be. Plus there have been a lot of wireless connection dropping issues, which apparently these issues all can be power related. I felt like I had no choice but to order a new power supply. Which thankfully was only $40, but it made me very extremely worried that the laptop may be dying in general. And that, like me, it could be falling apart in ways that aren't immediately perceptible, and overall that made me feel so much of my life, and me, is broken.
So today seems to just be heartbreak and a reminder of how bad, sad, and out of my control, my life is.
Day 6459 - 3/8 - Slowly feeling better
Today I am slowly feeling better, but I've had to spend a ton of money lately which makes me very sad. I had the $225 for the car battery, then I think I got a couple of blankets because I was too cold, then the $40 for the new laptop charger, and then today another $15 for some tail lights because one is out.
So I still feel pretty sad, alone, heartbroken, and hopeless, but I am trying my best to hang on.
Day 6460 - 3/9 - Stupid class stuff
Today I expect will be lost to doing dumb class stuff. Even though it's a super basic class I thought it would at least be easy and fun assignments. But it really isn't. It's mostly just been repetitive, tedious, and given me migraines.
Day 6461 - 3/10 - Maybe pen and paper stuff
Today I'll maybe get back to doing pen and paper stuff. I still feel like only a few actually care, and unfortunately it is nowhere near enough attention to serve as some kind of income, so that is heartbreaking as well since I always wanted to do it for a job. But I continue to try my best to hang on, though lately it feels like nothing I do matters or helps.
