Week 927
Day 6483 - 4/1 - Sick, no brain think
Today I am still very out of it from my cold. I sometimes forget to set out decongestants to take, but then I cough yuck and am reminded. So I'm pretty out of it between my cold and decongestants. So probably no creative work for me until the weekend is over. Brain no think good.
Day 6484 - 4/2 - Sniffle, headache, sneezing
Today I still feel pretty sick. I've had some sneezing, and my congestion is not great, and I've had borderline migraines all day. I suppose it wasn't a bad day. Not counting feeling sick it actually was pretty good in terms of being a pretty relaxed day and nothing bad happening.
Day 6485 - 4/3 - Can't follow
Today my brain can't follow anything. I can do about one sentence at a time listening to dialogue, or thinking about something, then that's it. Trying to follow chat which is being said in game or shows hasn't really worked. My brain does feel like it wants to be creative again soon, so maybe hopefully after my forced outside day on Sunday I'll be able to focus and be creative again.
Day 6486 - 4/4 - Early writing
Today I am writing super early, both for the day and the next couple of days. Since I don't expect to get much of a signal tomorrow or have power I want to do all of my writing and post early to be sure it's up.
Not much to say for today except I'm still extremely sniffly, congested, sneezing, wheezing, and my ears are ringing. No headache yet, but the day has just started a little bit ago, so that may come later. I'm pretty sad about tomorrow, and all future holidays to come, but hopefully I'll get through ok.
Day 6487 - 4/5 - Truly outside
Today will truly be an outside day. It will likely be super sad since bunny day is my favorite holiday. Really the best I can hope for is listening to stuff most of the day offline, and getting maybe 2-3 hours online checking on my tablet. Where, sure, maybe I can watch a bit of videos, but that can burn battery pretty quickly. I only know of a couple of places left outside of the library to plug in which are bad spots I wouldn't want to stay in or couldn't also be connected online while there.
I guess it will be a good day for laundry in the morning since it's been a while, but that is always very horribly expensive right now for me since it's about a $15 minimum for just my critical items.
All I can hope is that the day is warm, but not hot, my battery hangs on enough to make it through the day, and that I'm not too sad.
Day 6488 - 4/6 - Hopefully homeless normal
Today will hopefully be back to homeless normal. My class is done, which is crazy because it felt like it had just gotten started. I really didn't learn anything that I couldn't have figured out on my own or looked up a tutorial for in 15 minutes, but being an intro class I didn't really expect to.
Hopefully the day will be restful and I can recover from my cold. And maybe I will feel free enough and motivated enough to get back to pen and paper stuff, even though it has less and less momentum as time goes on and only a few seem to care at all. I'm happy I can do it and some appreciate it, but I am sad and heartbroken it doesn't have enough attention and love to even support a homeless life, let alone more to put me in a position of recovery.
Day 6489 - 4/7 - Unknown Tuesday
Today is another unknown Tuesday. I have no idea what to expect. As always really I just hope nothing breaks or gets worse in my life.
Week 928
Day 6490 - 4/8 - Feeling heartbroken and sad
Today and for a while now I've felt pretty heartbroken and sad about my future. Which has been the biggest contributing factor to my lack of motivation to continue creating stuff. This was my big hope that I could at least make stuff and get help for bills. And ideally I'd find enough success to get a start towards recovery. But barely anyone has care about my stuff that I've made so far, and so there is the constant questioning of 'why make more if it too will just inevitably not help and no one will care?'
Of course the counter argument is even if only a few enjoy it, that is important. And that is a few more lives touched and hopefully made better by something that I did. And since each thing I create is different, maybe it will reach different people and groups, and maybe it will have a different reaction.
I didn't do any pen and paper stuff today, though I did want to. Fighting the sad feelings is very difficult. So it may still be a few days to actually get started, maybe even not until next week. But I try and regain hope. And I try to remain hopeful someday my stuff will get attention and be appreciated. And maybe someday I can recover to a normal life.
Day 6491 - 4/9 - Still yuck
Today I am still sneezing and coughing up yuck. It's not too bad, once or twice a day pretty much, but still. I did do a bit of chatting about the pen and paper stuff I've been trying to work on, so I did just a tiny bit of pen and paper stuff today. I think maybe after the weekend for sure I'll get back into that. Though there is a different game I'm kind of more drawn to do work for. I have no idea if any of those players would care about my stuff either, but I may try it after I finally get through the two things I've been struggling with. Maybe those things will be better received.
Day 6492 - 4/10 - Feeling cold
Today I have been feeling cold. Last night it started pouring rain and though it only continued through the morning I have been freezing cold inside the library. It's getting to evening now and the skies are pretty gray and it looks like it may rain again overnight.
I was still pretty sneezy and congested today. Pretty sleepy and a bit of headache as well. I did do a bit of pen and paper work, so that is a bit of a start back into being creative. Though I may take it very easy over the weekend due to my cold still causing a lot of difficulty concentrating.
I guess the day was ok, though there are still many sad things in my life. It doesn't help that no bunny day (or Saint Patrick's day) money came from dad. With all the extra costs lately, that was extra important and I've gotten nothing, nor have I heard from him. He probably just forgot, or maybe didn't have any to send. Though there is always a chance at this point he's gone and I won't get any more help from him. Whenever a period is missed and I don't hear from him lately I wonder if it was his end.
Day 6493 - 4/11 - Another big rain
Today was another big rain, I think starting in the late afternoon. My current library seat doesn't look out a window like my previous one did, so that is sad. The day passed pretty quickly and was sad and lonely, but ok overall. Though I still have a fair bit of sneezing.
Day 6494 - 4/12 - Bad chips
Today I had a craving for a particular kind of chips, but decided to double check before I got them. Checking online it showed they were much higher in gluten, so I didn't get them. I almost got another one I rarely get, but checked online, and again it said that gluten was higher than normal. So I decided to get a third one I rarely get, which I know in the past has had a chance to upset my tummy, and just now after lunch my tummy is a bit upset. Looking it up now I guess I should have checked online before I got it because for some reason this one too has higher gluten than normal, as well as being high in fat which can trigger things like my G.E.R.D.s.
I suppose other than having a tummy that feels like it's been punched a bit I feel pretty ok. (And I'm glad the chips were like 25% off if I do decide to not eat them all.) I feel not as sad as I have been feeling lately, and maybe tomorrow I'll maybe feel creative enough to go back to regularly doing work on my pen and paper stuff.
Day 6495 - 4/13 - Maybe creative Monday
Today I don't know what to expect. All I can hope is I feel less sick, and maybe can do some creative work on my pen and paper stuff.
Day 6496 - 4/14 - Another Tuesday
Today it will be another Tuesday that I don't have any expectations. As yesterday, hopefully I can be feeling better and getting over my cold or allergies, and do some good creative stuff for my pen and paper things.
