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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 14: Distant Memories

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 685

Day 4789 (V:513) - 8/11 - Yummy spaghetti smell

Tonight in my evening spot I'm pretty hot and the windows are open. I can smell yummy spaghetti smell coming from someone's home close by. It makes me sad I can't have it. I miss my basic cooked foods, and for whatever reason I probably miss spaghetti the most.

I guess today was ok. I played my MMO daily things for about an hour. Then basically for the next 2 I just sat and did little nothings while looking for a raid. In 7 weeks I can put such 'otherwise wasted' time like that to better use in my new MMO.

I'm pretty extra sad about the school news. I mean, yeah, I don't know if I'm ready to go back to somewhere with a bunch of people in tight physical proximity. But these current limitations mean I won't ever get the classes that I really need to continue. And with things like recent job searches coming up with things at a minimum of 30 miles away (and often more like 400+) it doesn't help me feel better.

I guess all things considered it could be worse, and I did hang on ok, as sad as I was. And hopefully I can continue to hang on.

Day 4790 (V:514) - 8/12 - Gray and headachy

Today the world is gray again and I have had a bit of a headache most of the day. It's pretty mild by comparison to most, but I'm exhausted, and so the headache feels... more than it is. I'm a bit sad too, so that probably doesn't help.

I guess overall things are ok enough... and so I held on ok.

Day 4791 (V:515) - 8/13 - A day

Today was a day. There wasn't much to say about it. In the morning someone came in to the bathroom when I was shaving, but they came in through the employee door, so I had plenty of time to duck into the stall while I heard their keys jingling and they undid the lock. I don't even think they knew I was there. They didn't seem to pay any attention.

I was also very distracted today and my timing was all thrown off. But it didn't really matter. I had no specific times that I needed to do anything. And nothing special happened.

But I guess I held on ok. It was pretty warm, but looks very gray. So hopefully the days ahead will cool, and tomorrow will be a better day.

Day 4792 (V:516) - 8/14 - Feeling heavy

Today for some reason I feel heavy. I guess I feel like I weigh 40 pounds heavier than I am. Mostly it's in walking more than anything else. I feel pretty regular sitting still. I don't know what this is.

Today was slow. I played my MMO, but was out of things to do before noon. I looked and looked for raids, but no one was doing one, especially the ones I need. In the past two weeks or so people have kind of stopped doing them. I don't know if it's that school has started up again, or if people are just doing things with guilds, or what.

I'm extremely tired, pretty sad, really would like a shower, spaghetti with garlic bread, or a burrito with just a bit of beef, mixed cheese, green onions, and a bit of rice. But I have none of these. But, I guess I made it through the day.

Day 4793 (V:517) - 8/15 - Super hot

Today is super hot. Not so hot I had to worry about my system, as I went to the building back and had constant shade. It showed 85F at the peak, but it felt 10F cooler in the shade.

I guess I had an ok time today. I played my MMO and found no raids, so again I was pretty much done with things by about noon. I watched some stuff, and played a bit of my card game. It's fun, but I don't know. I struggle and struggle every season and only stay in the lower ranks. I don't know if I'll fully quit because it rewards really well for play, but I may at least have to consider not playing ranked because I'm rarely having fun struggling so much at such a low rank.

I guess I got a bit of a bad deal with food. I got some chicken and it didn't sit well in my tummy. I actually threw out about $1 of it because it made me feel icky. I don't know if the store isn't cooking it right or what, but lately a lot of the time that chicken just wrecks me.

I guess overall today was ok. It's starting into evening and it's starting to cool off, so that at least is something.

Day 4794 (V:518) - 8/16 - Half a burrito

Today I have half a burrito for food. I got the shell, cheese, and some green onions, which are super fresh and tasty. I had a bit too many for lunch though, which upset my tummy a bit, but I'm ok now. It came in a pack of 10, so I'm trying to have as many as I can, as I don't know if they will survive through the night or not. Honestly though with as much as these parts cost individually it probably would have been cheaper to get it from the restaurant (that serves the college.) Those are about $8 from what I recall and pretty much a whole day of food for me. I paid more than that for the individual parts. I don't know where the restaurant is, but it must be close to the college. I do suppose I couldnt use my food stamp money for that, so that would be a big downside.

I did my fancy raid in my MMO and completed my big goal. It's weird to think I finally did the thing. Now I have daily things and that is really it until the next DLC. Which I guess is rumored for the end of the month, but I'm not sure if that has an official date or not. I don't recall seeing a date.

But today my tummy is pretty happy. I feel heavy again though, and my legs and back hurt a lot. I'm not sure what is up with that. But I guess today I held on a little easier.

Day 4795 (V:519) - 8/17 - Cooler Tuesday

Hopefully today will be a cooler Tuesday. It's been pretty extra hot lately. But in the evenings it's been gray, so I'm still hoping that means things will calm down to a reasonable warm.

There are definitely no kids at the library. I guess starting this week the chance of that disappeared, as I saw a stream of little ones and parents walking down the street yesterday when I got outside the library.

Whatever today holds, hopefully I can try to stay warm enough, have enough food, and maybe relax a little. My life has far too much stress and sadness.

Week 686

Day 4796 (V:520) - 8/18 - Super cold

Today it has been dark gray all day and the sun never fully showed. I'd be surprised if the temperature ever got over 75F.

I guess today was ok. My mind as been a similar dull gray, feeling half asleep, and half confused, all day. My eyelids have been barely half open this past week. And when looking at my screen I have a hard time focusing on even half of it.

But I guess there was one good side effect, and that's the day passed quickly. And I had a pretty ok time I guess. And so, I continue to hang on.

Day 4797 (V:521) - 8/19 - Blood red

Today was ok, I guess. Honestly I don't remember much of it. I did my daily MMO things and left not too long after, since there isn't much reason to stick around after. The new DLC has a date of the 9th, so when that comes out there will be new things for me to get. But until then I basically have everything I need.

I didn't remember what I did after that very much. I watched some stuff. I played my card game, which today didn't seem quite as upsetting, but that was about it.

Yesterday the sun was blood red in the evening. I wonder if some stuff is trapped in the clouds. There are some fires on our coast, so I suppose it's possible it's not just rain clouds, but smoke as well. Though the fires aren't that close I don't think.

But I suppose I made it through the day, and hopefully I can continue on ok.

Day 4798 (V:522) - 8/20 - Not seedless

Today I had some terrible grapes. They were supposed to be seedless, but every other grape I ate I wound up spitting stuff out. It was super gross and I wound up tossing about 15% of them, which was pretty pricy to do. I only had that for lunch too, as I decided to get a nice fancy food for a homeless birthday dinner.

I guess today was ok, but my mood feels much like the murky gray that the sky is. It's still I guess partly smoky. It's made me sneeze a few times these past few days, but nothing too bad. There was some well-wishing for my birthday, but nothing extremely unusual. So I try to keep my spirits up as best as I can, and I try to continue to hang on.

Day 4799 (V:523) - 8/21 - A bit heartbroken

Today I feel a bit heartbroken. In the morning I decided to do something I don't normally do. I decided to return a game I'd gotten for myself for my birthday. It was a new version of an old-school arcade game. And while I knew it wouldn't be something I'd play hundreds of hours, after less than 1.25 I'd finished the single player levels. And the bulk of the game after that is online play against or with others. But it just didn't seem super interesting to me, and even if it were the library firewall blocked the online connection. So I'd have to use my super limited VPN time to break through to play, which I'd much rather use playing other things. So, with less than 2 hours played total, I asked for a refund. They granted it and the money return is pending, which is good as it's $30. If it had been half that I would have kept it, but at $30 that's way too high for something I don't even think I'd play an hour a month with my current limitations.

My heart feels extra bad lately. I hope I'm ok. I don't feel sick exactly, nor faint, nor have any other odd effects. It just... feels bad around my heart, and maybe in it.

The day overall was bad after the morning too. When I got in to the library it barely had a connection. I struggled through doing my daily things in my MMO, but after that it really just couldn't stay connected. I had stuff to watch, so it was ok. But it was, again, heartbreaking to not have a choice on what to do. It mostly buffered video ok, so I suppose I didn't lose too much.

So overall today I feel bad, sad, and heartbroken; emotionally and physically.

Day 4800 (V:524) - 8/22 - Guess it was quiet

Today was, I guess, quiet. I was in the back of the building where people don't really go by me. I saw two people walk past me, and two other groups turn and not pass me, which I'm glad of. Especially since one was the guy who, for the past two weeks on Sunday, has walked around me in circles a dozen times. Maybe he finally got the hint that because I put my mask on I'm not comfortable with him doing that.

I did my daily MMO things and then not much other gaming for the day. The connection was bad again and it was disconnecting me for a minute about every 20 minutes, so it's not fun to try and play things when that's happening. A few days ago I decided to do a 'month of movies' for my birthday, so I have several TV series to catch up on with the streaming service I signed up for, so I had plenty to watch. (Which buffers, so brief interruptions like that don't usually affect it.)

I guess the day was ok. It was pretty quiet. It was a bit gray, so the weather was calm and cool. My heart still feels not the best, though I think it's more that there's stuff around it than the heart itself is bad. It's either just an extreme level of my gas/tummy issue, or it's a combination of congestion due to a cold. I've felt pretty congested in my lungs and have sneezed or coughed a few times a day for the past few days.

I guess I held on ok for the day. Hopefully I'll feel better soon, and tomorrow will be a better day.

Day 4801 (V:525) - 8/23 - Unexpected DLC

Today my MMO got its expansion, which is weird because I thought I saw that it was coming out on the 9th. I guess maybe I saw something else? Or that is an oddly delayed console date? Historically console has gotten the patches and expansions one week after PC, but that date is 2.5 weeks, so that seems odd if that's correct.

I guess I'm ok. I feel very super tired. I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep last night for some reason. My heart issue doesn't seem as bad today. And thinking about it last night when it was feeling bad I thought it must be my tummy issue and my esophagus, not my heart. The weird feeling is in the center, behind my breastbone, and the heart is on the left side, so I'd think if it were a heart issue it wouldn't feel weird in that spot.

I guess things seem ok today. It's pretty cold in the library though, so I may not wear shorts anymore. I'm only in the hot times a few hours a day, and lately it hasn't been getting hot.

So today I hope to continue to feel better, and hopefully I can continue on to better days.

Day 4802 (V:526) - 8/24 - Different Tuesday

Today may be slightly different, at least in my MMO. I will have my new DLC dungeons so there are things I'll be trying to get. I don't know what else the day will hold though. I don't really expect anything special or unusual. So I try my best to stay as calm and healthy as I can in these very terrible times. And hopefully I can continue to hang on.

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