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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 14: Distant Memories

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 725

Day 5069 (V:793) - 5/18 - Feeling odd

Today I am feeling odd. I don't quite know how to explain. I guess it kind of feels like I forgot something that I was unaware of, if that makes any sense. I know it's not anything I actually forgot, as I had nothing special going on today. I thought maybe about getting a special dinner lately, but even if I did it wouldn't be today, so I don't know what it is.

I guess today was ok. A guildie checked in with me, so that was nice. Checking the survey reports they have slowed to a crawl around 70. While that is more than I thought I'd get, I'd need 385 according to a calculator I checked to have reliable results for the population size. And if I paid $15 to access more than 10 answers I'd only see about half of that number. So that really wouldn't be worth it because it would be extremely inaccurate. So that feels a bit disappointing. I guess I'll leave it open to the end of the month and see, but if I did suddenly get the number I needed I'd have to pay $100 to unlock them, which there is no way I have anything even close to that much spare to spend on something like that.

It's super hot out now, and while it's nice I'm in the sun, so I'm getting hot and sweaty. It is shower day in the morning, so hopefully things won't be too bad.

I still have so many sads, but I guess I held on today. And that has to be enough for now.

Day 5070 (V:794) - 5/19 - Ok feeling

Today seemed to pass quickly. I'm not sure why. I guess maybe because I did something for a couple of hours that was different, and so the rest of my day felt kind of rushed. But what I did do felt ok, and in spite of a very rough start with two bad dungeon groups in my MMO, the day felt mostly ok and not super sad.

I had not soup micro in the morning, though I still have the same sneezing and sniffles. But I do feel a bit better in general. But, I am still terribly sad and worried about everything all the time. And I continue to try my best to hang on.

Day 5071 (V:795) - 5/20 - Cold fights back

Today I feel like the cold is returning and fighting back. I'm suuuper tired, congested, and had some sneezing, and a touch of chill feelings. Not too much of chills, as it is more just feeling like I'm cold and don't have enough cloths on. I even considered getting extra fast food to eat, but even though I have 4-6 months of food money saved up, it just seems too overpriced to do more than once every few weeks. (Since I'm limited to the one choice that takes my food money card.)

But I guess I had fun in my games. The connection did feel a bit slow, but that may just be my old laptop. With doing harder things in my old shooter I'm reminded just how much it struggles. But I did my best to try and hang on today.

Day 5072 (V:796) - 5/21 - Still fighting the cold

Today I guess was pretty good, though there isn't much to say. I have been fighting the cold. I'm pretty exhausted, a bit extra hungry, and a bit headachy. Overall I guess I'm ok. I'm trying to stay hopeful and entering contests to win a laptop. But all I can do is try my best to hang on.

Day 5073 (V:797) - 5/22 - Very tired day

Today I feel very tired. It feels like I barely got any sleep. I had a pretty fun time playing my games, but I didn't talk to anyone at all, so that felt maybe a bit lonely. Though I was very sad feeling about my laptop as I went to a few newer parts of my shooter and it was struggling pretty hard. I'd guess it was maybe in the 15-20 FPS range for those bits.

But I tried to focus on the little bit of fun I was having. And tried not to be too sad about my limitations. And I hung on as best as I could.

Day 5074 (V:798) - 5/23 - Reverse order day

Today has been in reverse order. I did my shooter first to be sure to get a ship for a special event that ends later today. I wanted all of my play time open to do that in case it took a while. It only took a few hours to finish, so I have the rest of the day to do my MMO or whatever. I accomplished the big goal I'd been working on for the past few days before my time ran out.

I'm pretty sleepy and a bit extra hungry. I got a little extra food today though, so that is at least something. I guess I feel ok, maybe a little less sad, but I was in the area of my shooter that my laptop has major struggles with, so that was very sad for a bit. But I continue to try my best to hang on.

Day 5075 (V:799) - 5/24 - New stuff, old shooter

Today some new stuff comes out for my old shooter. Since I paid for the very most expensive version back a while ago I have all the things pre-paid for until around September (when they start the next year cycle). So that should be something fun to look forward to.

It's supposed to be getting very warm, so that should be nice. It's been wavering between cold and warm, which is odd since it's usually pretty steadily heading towards warm this time of year. But hopefully today I can hang on a little bit easier.

Week 726

Day 5076 (V:800) - 5/25 - Super hot

Today is super hot. It probably got up to about 100F today. It's a weird spike though, as it will cool 10F tomorrow, and 10F more the next day.

I get to be inside for a bit, so that was very nice but super hot. I was tempted to shut off my laptop or even go back out to the library, but things were ok enough.

I hung on a little easier today, but there are still so many sads in my life.

Day 5077 (V:801) - 5/26 - No shower

Today there was no shower or micro. I could stay inside-ish again, so I got to sleep as much as I needed, which was apparently about 10 hours. Since I didn't need to go in the morning I didn't go to shower like I normally would. I'm sure it will be fine to skip.

I had fun today, but it was pretty hot again. Oh, I got an unexpected surprise gift from dad, which if it's not needed for anything else means I'm about 6-7% of the way to a new laptop. It's really not much at all towards that, but I guess it's something. It does feel a lot better than nothing at all. I do worry more and more about my old laptop. A few times today 'in the best conditions' for a connection it dropped the connection for a little bit, as well as freezing on web browsing windows for seemingly no reason at all.

Soon though my inside-ish time will end and I will be back out to a regular homeless life. So that will be very sad. Though the thought of sitting at a desk with more tolerable temperatures is nice.

So today I hung on a little bit easier I suppose, but things no doubt will feel very rough again very quickly.

Day 5078 (V:802) - 5/27 - Itchy day

Today I have been very itchy. Mostly it's been on the back of my forearms and hands, but a few other places as well. It's very odd too because I decided to check if the showers were open since I skipped yesterday, and they were, so I'm freshly showered. So unless it's a reaction to my soap, which I've used that type for years now, I'm not sure why I would be suddenly so itchy.

I guess I hung on ok today. There was a not great experience with a group in my shooter, but bad random groups happen. The connection was a bit fussy too. Though I never know if that is the connection or my old laptop. I'd guess it is my old laptop, since I don't recall having the issues when I had the new one.

I guess I'm trying to continue to hold on and managing as best as I can. I felt so distracted from being itchy and sleepy I've been kind of out of it today.

Day 5079 (V:803) - 5/28 - Seems cold

Today seems very cold in comparison to the day when it was nearly 100F. Of course, I was in the library which is always a bit too cold for me, but the day has been a touch chilly and there were gray clouds in the sky.

I guess I had an ok time playing my games. Nothing bad or exciting happened. Though I did test two of the remaining plugs outside of the library in preparation for when I'll be out on days like Monday and both were pretty rough. One spot had basically no signal. The other was poor, but useable, but being out in the open it was blasting with light and I could barely see. Even though there was a column making a 1 foot wide shadow so I could put my laptop there to protect it from the direct sun, all the light from the side and around me was just too much. There may be only one spot outside the coffee shop on the corner that's better, so it will depend on if anyone else is there when I get there or if it's open for use. They are closed when the library is, so hopefully there won't be much competition for the space. I thought about going over to school, as there are a few outside spots there, but since they are also closed, and with everything going on these days, it would seem extra weird to be there, and possibly frowned upon.

I'm very sleepy too. For some reason I had an almost impossible time getting to sleep last night. I probably lost 3 or so hours that I could have been sleeping. But I guess today I hung on as best as I could. And hopefully I can hang on until better days.

Day 5080 (V:804) - 5/29 - Kinda sick, kinda sad

Today I am feeling kind of sick and kind of sad. I've been getting pretty congested lately. And while it's not super bad, I am pretty congested, a bit sneezy, and have a few sneezes each day. My tummy feels kind of bad lately too, like there is a lump of yuck, which I'd guess is maybe from the congestion. I'd get some soup tomorrow, but things will be closed due to the holiday. I expect it will be a rough day.

I feel pretty sad too. I'm not entirely sure why. A guildie said hi this morning, which was super nice. But I think when I changed to my shooter I got sad. They changed some character options and I don't know how I feel about the new stuff. At first it was cool and exciting, but the more I've used it the more I've started to have mixed feelings. I may put my character back to how they were before. It's just a change of a few pieces of gear and a class option, so it's easily switched to one way or the other. I tried getting a group for some super hard group content, and while we spent about 3 hours trying we didn't finish. It's new, and we didn't have experience doing it, but there are videos online showing that if you know what to do you should finish in half that time. So I just don't know if the rewards are worth it from how much time and stress it takes compared to regular content. It is some of the hardest content, so I may just pass on doing it and stick to the easier stuff. Especially since I can solo the easier stuff, or doing the group stuff is usually very easy.

When I responded to dad about the unexpected gift card I guess I mentioned it will help for saving up for a laptop. He responded saying he wanted to help with that, but I explained how it would have to be pretty high end to do design work and my games, and it would be really expensive. Since he can only send maybe a few hundred a year, I don't see how his adding like $1500 on credit would be safe or good for him. He's retired on a very fixed and limited income, so that would probably wreck him. I told him not to worry about it, especially since I have the brakes needing to be done, and year end bills not yet paid, but we'll see. It's kind of weird though that the gift cards he sends are for the place I would buy one, and he hasn't realized that I have a wish list there. Though he is super old, 30 years older than me, so there's that.

I'm pretty exhausted. I have had a headache and various other pains most of the day. I again lost an hour or two trying to get to sleep last night for the same unknown reason, though it's probably overall stress. But I guess I held on today. And as always, I will look at what I had, how I felt, reassess options, and maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Day 5081 (V:805) - 5/30 - Accelerated first half

Today I think the first half of my day will be greatly accelerated. The connection that I'm at seems ok, but not great, and I am sitting at a chair and desk at the coffee shop attached to the corner of the library building, but it's freezing cold. There is a winter wind that is blowing my laptop monitor and ripping through all my clothing layers. I expect I'll just do minimal online things and go back to the car earlier than expected. So from then on my day will likely become extremely slow. But hopefully I can get through it and hang on ok today.

Day 5082 (V:806) - 5/31 - Back in Tuesday

Today I will be back in the library, but I don't expect anything unusual, so hopefully I can hang on ok.

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