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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 14: Distant Memories

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 729

Day 5097 (V:821) - 6/15 - Do not feel great

Today I don't feel great. Overall I've been getting progressively more exhausted, but today I feel kind of sick. My tummy is a bit upset, I maybe have a low level fever, I'm physically tired, my ears are ringing, and my eyes feel a bit sore and more sensitive to light than usual. Tomorrow is a shower and micro day, so maybe I can get some foods that will help me feel better.

I had a pretty fun time with my games. And someone complimented me on the card game match we had in my mmo. (You have to go 'out of your way' to chat with people since it's not a shared chat by default.) But since I wasn't feeling great I actually stopped a bit early to watch a show.

There was much to feel sad about today, but I suppose I held on, and that matters most.

Day 5098 (V:822) - 6/16 - Too cold

Today I was too cold in the library. By noon I'd put on my two outer shirt layers, and shortly after that put on my hoodie too. I was wearing a long underwear under my pants, so I was basically in winter layers. I don't know why it was so cold inside.

It was pretty cold outside too. By the early afternoon there was a pretty big breeze, and when I got out at night I left all my layers on because it seemed no warmer than it was in the cold library.

I guess I had a good day with my games though. I did still feel sniffly, sneezy, and my eyes were very tired. My ears weren't ringing as much, but there is still a bit of ringing.

I'm exhausted, a bit sad, but try my best to continue to hang on.

Day 5099 (V:823) - 6/17 - Cold and rainy to fair

Today started out looking very cold and rainy and turned to fair weather. I wouldn't say it's necessarily warm, as I have on genes, long underwear, underwear, a tank top, a T-shirt, my two outer long sleeve shirts, and my hoodie, and I am basically warm enough. But hopefully by next week the warm weather will return.

I still don't feel great. My forehead still feels warm to me, ears are ringing, eyes feel very tired and kind of aren't focusing easily, and my laptop screen seemed much darker than usual, and there is a bit of headache. I'm pretty hungry too, but unless I spend some special gift card money I can't get good food. I don't have a gift card for the nice Panda food, just my food stamp money I can use for chicken and fries.

I feel pretty sad and quiet today. I don't know if it's my overall sads or the recent sick feelings. I guess I forgot to put the laptop corpse up for sale again. I guess I should try to do that before the weekend is up. It's already been 5 months and it's not getting any younger.

I guess though overall I held on as best as I could.

Day 5100 (V:824) - 6/18 - Recycle

Today really the only thing of note was that I could do recycling in the morning. The machine at the food store was finally not full, after like three weeks of being full all the time. It will still take probably two days of emptying my max allowed per day to clear what I have, so I hope it is re-emptied soon. With its 400 limit that's only 8 people per day if everyone puts in their max amount.

I guess the day was ok. I feel pretty sad though. I felt like I didn't get what I really wanted to do in my mmo done.

I guess things were ok though. I'll get a fast food dinner to get some fresh cooked chicken and fries, but I really would prefer to go to Panda and get something with vegetables. But I don't have any money or gift cards for that.

I'm not too sure what to say about today other than I feel sad. Tomorrow and Monday are holidays, so the library will be closed, and school will be too, so I may only get to be online for a few hours each day. I guess I will manage. All I can do is try to take things one day at a time and try my best to hang on.

Day 5101 (V:825) - 6/19 - Bad and shorted

Today felt pretty sad and was too short and too long. It's only half over, but the time I could be plugged in and connected online is over. Now I will just spend the next few hours listening to stuff. Maybe in the car, maybe not.

I guess what online time I had was ok. There weren't many jobs to check, but that's not surprising for both a Sunday and a double holiday. It was about the type of weather I expected, so that was good, as having too many extra layers just in case is never ideal.

I've been sleepy. I'm exhausted. I feel sad. My tummy still feels a bit upset. And I expect tomorrow will be the same with everything still closed. But I guess I held on the best that I could. And these days that's all I can do.

Day 5102 (V:826) - 6/20 - Early writing

Today I am writing very early. I have about 40% of what I normally have online, so I don't want to be rushed by a rapidly ticking clock. It's cooler and a bit less bright, so that's good. But it's very loud, as there is some construction going on.

I'm still pretty sick feeling. I'm congested, my throat feel like there's yuck in it and tastes very slightly different, but I don't think I feel as warm.

I don't know what to expect for today, but hopefully I can at least get a bit of relaxing time.

Day 5103 (V:827) - 6/21 - Hopefully normal

Today will hopefully be back to homeless normal. I should be able to shower and micro in the morning. And hopefully then I can have a regular day in the library. Hopefully it will be easier to hang on.

Week 730

Day 5104 (V:828) - 6/22 - Maybe sun sick

Today I don't feel great. I was in a fair bit of sun on Sunday and Monday, and a bit yesterday, and now I feel like maybe my head, shoulders, and a bit of my chest are maybe sun burnt. Plus, I still have my sick feels from before, so overall I don't feel great.

Tomorrow I should be able to get a shower, micro, and be in the cool library. It wasn't so cool today. It may be struggling in the heat. But hopefully I can cool down, rest, and recover soon.

Day 5105 (V:829) - 6/23 - A bit less hot

Today was a bit less hot. It was borderline chilly in the library, so maybe the A.C. is back to normal. Outside it was pretty warm, but I think since most of my time is inside the library I'll be back to pants and see if that is more comfortable.

I had a pretty good time with my shows, so that was nice. But I still feel a bit sick, and still feel extra hungry and exhausted.

Day 5106 (V:830) - 6/24 - A kind of bing deal

Today was, I guess, more good than bad. In the morning I posted something trying to get help and a person was just saying a bunch of dumb stuff about it. So it was like, fine forget it, and I took it down. A nice person did message me privately about it and said they would help if they could, so that was super nice. But it kind of threw me off for the rest of the day.

A bit later in my mmo I finished a pretty big goal I'd been trying to do for the last 2.5 weeks. It kind of hasn't really sunk in yet, but it is just a big deal for a very rare sometimes thing. So that is really great that it's done and I can move on to other goals.

I guess today overall I feel a bit sad. I feel hot, tired, really would like to be somewhere cooler than I can shower and play my games more if I wanted. But all of that requires a home, which I don't have. It would be at least very nice to have my games on a new laptop again, one that wasn't struggling, old, and broken, which as it has so many times before, more and more is just reminding me of my own issues with being old, broken, and struggling.

But all I can do is continue to try to move forward one small step at a time. And hopefully, in time, opportunity will come again.

Day 5107 (V:831) - 6/25 - Regret

Today I feel pretty sad. Over and over my brain kept remembering things I've lost. Things that, had I known differently at the time, I would have made different choices. Or in some cases, I would not have done at all. I regret many things in my past today, specifically my childhood and I guess young adulthood. I suppose really my mind just focused on what would be comfort items the most, things that would have reminded me of better days and times in my life. But I think a lot of it is those feel like important pieces of me, what defines what I enjoy and makes me who I am, that are now lost, like so many other things in these recent years have been.

But I think most of what makes me sad is, like everything now, even if I could get those things back again (new), since they wouldn't be the things I previously had, it could never be the same.

Day 5108 (V:832) - 6/26 - Scary drops

Today I had some scary laptop power drops. The first one was when I removed my phone/tablet charger. It wasn't immediate, but the system did shut off maybe 30 seconds later. I assume that I must have bumped the plug just enough it wasn't 100% stable. When it happened again maybe 5 minutes after restarting, I was very worried. But I re-seated the plug in the outlet, and checked all the connections on the laptop and power supply. After restarting again the laptop ran for another 3 hours without issue.

However, even though it seems fine, when the building lost power for 2 seconds and I dropped maybe a month ago, I promised myself the next time I dropped, for whatever reason, I'd seriously consider trying a new battery. So, since dad did send a bit of help between then and now I decided that since I'm so far from getting a new laptop I probably should protect the old one from as many drops as possible. I got a lower capacity one, which was $25. It does mean I can't do as much with it, but with the full capacity one lasting only 45 minutes with very light tasks, and half that time in gaming (while running at 5-15 FPS), there isn't much point in spending double to get the full capacity one like the original. I expect I'll have half the original's time, which is just fine for the very brief power drops I'm wanting to protect it from.

I guess I'll know tomorrow or Tuesday if the new battery helps. I still am unsure if the issue is the battery, the port, or somehow the power supply. If it's the port then a new battery won't make a difference. It would have the same fail to charge issues as the old. So I'll have to keep an eye on the percentage charge, and maybe even do a test drain down to like 50% to see if it recharges after. If it does, great. If not, then I know it's definitely not the battery, and I can return it for a full refund within 30 days.

But I worry about the overall age of the laptop. At now pushing into its 9th year it seems very unlikely it will, or can, hang on much longer. And every day I am very grateful that it does, but I don't know what I'd do if I lost it and couldn't game.

Day 5109 (V:833) - 6/27 - Chilly

Today ticked me. My weather app on my tablet said it would be in the 90s today, but it's nearly noon and the online temperature for the area is only showing it's barely in the 70s. I have shorts on, so I'm pretty chilly.

I got some extra food to hopefully help with things, but I'm so very exhausted and tired. And still, I feel much regret and loss today.

Day 5110 (V:834) - 6/28 - Maybe new battery

Today I will maybe have the new battery to run tests on. Hopefully it works ok and I can feel a bit more secure about the old laptop. Though even with a new battery that won't do much for its overall old age.

Hopefully I can get some rest. Hopefully I can recover from my issues. And hopefully I can hang on and maybe not feel so sad.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2022
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)
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