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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 14: Distant Memories

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 693

Day 4845 (V:569) - 10/6 - Winter pants

Today I have regular pants and long underwear on underneath. I was probably just about right inside the library and outside. My jaw hurts a little, so I may have been a bit cold and clenching my teeth a bit in the library, but I'll pay attention to that in the future. If it keeps happening I'll add more layers.

Outside it was pretty cold. The sky actually turned gray, about half way to night level dark, by about 3 PM. It looks like if it gets much darker it will start to rain. Rain by tonight wouldn't surprise me.

I guess I'm feeling a bit better from my cold. I'm still tired. My eyes still hurt. And my ears are still ringing quite a bit.

There was a new sign at the food store about E.B.T.. It didn't really say anything, but I wonder if that means they are allowing hot food purchases now. I keep forgetting to check on that. If they do I will definitely get some soups maybe twice a week, and every few weeks maybe a fancy Chinese food dinner. Though they are ridiculously priced there, charging like $11 for what I can get at the fast food place for about $9. If I waited until the hot food area was closing though they put out pre-made ones on sale for $5 and then that's a good deal.

I guess overall today was pretty ok.

Day 4846 (V:570) - 10/7 - Itchy ears

Today I have a very odd sensation. My ears are itching on the inside, where there is the ear canal, but like deeper. I don't know if I've ever felt that before. They are ringing a lot. Not super loud, or otherwise painful, just a constant low ringing.

I guess today was pretty good. The library was just a touch chilly. I wonder if maybe they are actually putting the heat on. The building is supposed to be smart and automatically do that, but I really don't think it does. At the very least it's never done a good job of it.

I had fun in my games today, though lately there hasn't been much to watch. Some shows I was watching I lost interest in. And a couple of shows I like to watch are on break.

I think I found out what the signs were about at the food store. I did a quick search last night and found that the food store now allows online orders with the food stamps card. So, not hot food news, or something important to me, but I guess important for some.

But I guess today I don't miss the things I don't have too much, so I survived ok.

Day 4847 (V:571) - 10/8 - Still itchy inside

Today my ears are still itchy inside, though not as much. I maybe should check online if that is a sign of something I should worry about. It's probably not, but with how little I can control anything I worry about the smallest things.

I was pretty chilly today in general. I may add another under layer to be warmer. The warmth of summer is rapidly changing to winter.

I had a pretty good day today. I played online things with some people from the stream I watch, so that was super fun. And I had fun in my game. I didn't meet a goal I had for my new game, but it's fine, as with any MMO you should be playing for the journey, not specific levels or loot. As long as I'm having fun, specific goals aren't really that important.

I'm pretty tired, and pretty cold, and getting very worried about my not having money for upcoming bills or even gas, but today was a pretty good day.

Day 4848 (V:572) - 10/9 - Still no fries

Today ended a bit sad. I went to the fast food restaurant I can use my food stamps card at and the machine still isn't working. That is like three times in the past few weeks I've tried to get fries and couldn't. I guess it's more than just me trying to use the card because they had a sign posted saying the machine is down 'today'. Hopefully they fix it soon. I have no other way to get special / cooked foods.

Day 4849 (V:573) - 10/10 - Surprisingly warm

Today I wore my extra hoodie and sweats, expecting to be cold all day. And the morning did start out very cold, but by noon I was starting to get pretty warm. At around 1:30 or so I took them off, and an hour later I was even considering taking off my regular hoodie. But I decided not to, as it would only be a few hours before I left, and a few hours after that it would start to be getting cold again.

Today was actually pretty good. I played my games, maybe too much. My brain wanted to take a break and watch some stuff, but there wasn't anything I could think of to watch.

But I still feel a bit bad, I guess from my cold. My ears are still a bit itchy inside, I have had a few sneezes, my eyes hurt from headaches, my ears are ringing, and I'm suuuppper exhausted. And though I'm not really hungry I have a craving for pasta type things; spaghetti, lasagna, even pizza. I'm not really sure what's up with that, but I'd guess it's something to do with the noodles and maybe the sauce.

But today was a pretty good day I suppose. And tomorrow will pretty much be the exact same I expect. So hopefully I continue to hang on ok.

Day 4850 (V:574) - 10/11 - More sick

Today I'm feeling more sick. Last night I felt like my skin had chills, but I felt like I had a bit of a fever inside. My ears are ringing a lot. When I cough, yuck comes out. And I've got a low level dizziness, not enough to affect my balance, but it feels like I'm not quite stable. My eyes still hurt too. I took a multi-vitamin, so hopefully that will help.

It's pretty cold again, and there is a wind that's blowing dust everywhere. I'm cold even in my extra hoodie, so I may leave the spot outside a bit earlier than usual to spend extra time in my car. (The library is closed today.) I expect sealed inside would maybe even be a bit warmer since there wouldn't be wind. I probably won't leave too early though, maybe 1-1.5 hours earlier than usual.

I'm having a pretty good time with my games. I do kind of still feel like taking a break and just watching stuff, but there is nothing to watch. But that's not surprising, as I always feel less like playing games when I'm sick.

Hopefully I can rest and recover soon enough.

Day 4851 (V:575) - 10/12 - Hopefully better

Today will hopefully be better. Hopefully I'll feel better. Hopefully I'll recover more inside the library. Hopefully I'll be warmer. And hopefully overall things will be better.

Week 694

Day 4852 (V:576) - 10/13 - Two lunches

Today I am safe and sound in my sanctuary place. I can be here again for a few days. I came in late yesterday afternoon and have been as restful as I can to try and recover from my cold. I put in my symptoms in the online checker and it is most confident about, well, it has a very fancy name, but it's basically some kind of super cold. I guess the parts of the body that fight colds have apparently gotten 'stuck' in fight mode and have sort of jammed up the cold fighting parts of my system. Apparently this can take four weeks to clear up. I feel a bit better today though. The ear ringing is bugging me the most, and I have just a touch of dizziness when I walk. But my congestion has settled a lot, I've only coughed a dozen times all day, which were all in the morning before doing an inhaler, and then really the other symptoms are almost gone. But, with it being so long a time to clear they may come back.

I had two small lunches today. Mostly I eat smaller meals these days, as it's a lot easier on my tummy. But I guess today I was extra hungry.

I got to sleep in. I think I slept about 10 hours. And I've had fun with my new game. I'm going to have a late dinner and watch some shows. I may even 'get to bed' early and try to get a lot of sleep again.

So today was a bit easier to hang on.

Day 4853 (V:577) - 10/14 - Distorted sound

Today was pretty good. I only got about 8 hours of sleep even though I could have slept more. I'm not sure if I woke up totally on my own or because there was beeping and super loud gardeners nearby. I do feel a bit better still, but I am a bit more congested and sniffly.

I got very tired of my newer headphones disconnecting from the gentlest bump near them, so I put in my old wired headphones. And, sadly, I learned that a lot of the highest, or maybe lowest, sounds are being distorted by the faulty connector. So that is sad. I guess it's not damaging anything (in the laptop), just seemingly sending some incorrect sounds to the headphones. But I do worry, so I'll probably just continue to mostly use my old wired pair until I can afford to replace the wireless dongle that is faulty. That may not happen for a while though because I have no money. Even gas money will be difficult at this point, and I'm very worried about my important year end bill. I'm hoping dad sends cash help for Halloween and Thanksgiving and maybe I can get enough from that. Other help would always be great, but I don't think many are reading these days, as help has been very rare since these terrible virus times started.

But I was inside-ish today. Things were quiet. I was warm enough. I had ok food. And I got to play my games and watch shows, so that was happy. So I hung on maybe just a bit easier.

Day 4854 (V:578) - 10/15 - Smell like flowers

Today was pretty good. I got to sleep in again. I got a shower and laundry. And I was invited to have a dinner and watch a fun movie. Of course, I got to spend the rest of the day playing games, which was fun.

I did go to the bathroom and used a spray, but I guess it was way stronger than I expected, and now my shirt(s?) smell like flowers. I put it out to hang out, so hopefully it won't smell too bad tomorrow, as my nose and lips have gotten a bit puffy from the smell. If it's still too much tomorrow I may have to use a different outer shirt and leave the perfumed one out to air out longer.

But today was a good day. And there is still tomorrow. But after that things will be back to my regular sad homeless life.

Day 4855 (V:579) - 10/16 - The last bit

Today I have been feeling sad, more and more as my time inside runs out. It's just a few hours until I'm back out to my regular homeless life. And I suppose there are some freedoms, but there are so many things I miss and may never really have again.

But I have to hope the world will recover. Hope things will go back to some kind of normal. And when it does, I too can hopefully go back to some kind of normal... Before there is nothing left of me.

Day 4856 (V:580) - 10/17 - Sad gas

Today I had to do a sad thing. I have effectively no cash. But I was almost out of gas, so I took one of my only gift card money gift cards and used half of it for gas. That should last about 5 weeks I hope. But it always makes me very sad to use the special gift money on not gifts. Doubly so if I'm going to use a card like that, it should be for school since that is almost exactly the amount and I don't normally have money to sign up otherwise.

I guess the day was pretty ok other than that. It was quiet and calm. Only two people came by all day.

I guess I am sort of better, sort of worse, from my super cold. I think the dizziness has almost stopped. But today I had a few sneezes in the morning, and I'm a bit more congested in my head and neck sinuses.

I'm pretty tired feeling. It feels like it's hours later than it is. There is a mix of regular clouds and gray rain clouds in the sky. I wouldn't be surprised if it rained soon. And it's pretty cold, probably in the low 70s. But I guess today was pretty ok overall.

Day 4857 (V:581) - 10/18 - Dead dongle

Today has been pretty rainy. It started sprinkling last night just after I did my writing, and fully raining about an hour later. It stopped sometime in the night. It's just been a bit sprinkly today, with mixed cloudy and clear sky so far. But I wouldn't be surprised if it rained again tonight.

I guess I feel pretty good. Not too many super cold symptoms. I'm a bit extra hungry. A bit sniffly and contested with a few sneezes so far today. Ears are ringing, as usual.

Today the warless headphone dongle seems fully dead. It's not being recognized in any position. I guess I'll just fully switch back to my old wired ones I've been using until that gets replace. It's not super expensive, but with no money for even gas these days I can't afford to replace it. Well, it's on my wish list so I can hopefully get it soon, or maybe as a gift at Xmas.

But I guess I'm hanging on ok today, even though it's back to regular homeless times.

Day 4858 (V:582) - 10/19 - Probably rainy Tuesday

Today will probably be pretty rainy. Things are getting pretty cold too, but the library is warm enough, so at least there is that. With the rain and the cold it may stay pretty empty too. Monday was a very light crowd, so there is that at least.

Hopefully I can continue on. And hopefully I can make it through to better days.

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Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)
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