PC talk system recommendations blog Facebook YouTube articles and guides links bio
rabb1t's ramblings podcast email
Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 17: Animated Divergence

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 15 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 16 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 17 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.


Week 839

Day 5867 - 7/24 - Good but hot

Today was pretty good, but very hot. I was somewhere that wasn't the library and it had no cooling. So while I was indoors by myself without anyone around to bug or worry me, I was pretty overheated most of the time.

Last night I got and installed the WiFi chip. I almost immediately regretted trying and was on the verge of tears over the thought of breaking my laptop. First I had no idea the chip was so small. It was literally not much bigger than my thumbnail. But changing it actually wasn't an issue, as that only took a few minutes. It was getting the tiny antenna attached to the new chip that was the issue. They seemed incredibly fragile. Many people say when doing this change be careful not to break them. But getting them back on was the issue and I kept trying to push them on with a small screwdriver and was worried I'd mess up the connection. But I can't even think of how to describe how small they were. I guess imagine a thick pen putting two dots on your thumbnail, then attach a thin wire to each. And the end is like an old school pant's snap. It has to be in exactly the right place, then snapped down onto the chip connection point. By the time I'd finally done it, it was literally two hours later than when I'd started. (For those doing it I'd probably recommend moving the antenna away from the slot, taping them down to something like the laptop battery so they don't 'escape', and then having either a magnifying glass or some kind of super great up close vision to see them.)

So I am living with the fear I somehow messed up the chip, the connection points, or the antenna wires. And while it has been ok today so far, this is only one location. While the speed is good, the thing that seems most improved is it shows super stable during tests. The test normally will have its reading bounce up and down pretty irregularly, but now it is 99% solid unchanging. The most important thing was there were no disconnections today, but I didn't expect to have any (unless I did mess something up.) The real test will be tomorrow in my usual spot in the library, which for the past week has been losing more and more connection time each day.

Day 5868 - 7/25 - Feeling better

Today I am feeling better about the WiFi change. When I got to the library I did the connection test and not only did it show double the speed, but the reporting mark was again 99% still compared to the wobbly reading it previously did when doing that test. There were a few odd spots in my game, but I'm pretty sure that was just the game as the video I was running in the background was totally solid.

I had a pretty good day. I am still thrown off greatly by everything being blurry, but the nurse person contacted me again saying there were no appointments for my regular doctor because she is out of town on vacation for a while. So I gave them the ok to set me up with whoever. But I may not hear back on that until Monday.

Day 5869 - 7/26 - Ankle appointment

Today I feel better about the WiFi chip. This is now the third day it has been solid and stable. So it seems I probably did do fine and didn't mess anything up. And there has been a huge improvement in connection stability at my usual library spot.

My tummy isn't doing great though. I really do wonder if I have a red meat sensitivity. It seems any time lately I get any that isn't cooked (so, ready to eat or pre-packaged) my tummy gets a little upset by it. When I have cooked stuff I'm always fine. I guess I should continue to eat it less, though the shredded chicken at the food store has about a 40% chance to upset my tummy as well.

The nurse person got back to me about an appointment for my ankle. I guess I can do that next Friday, so that is good. Though I still doubt anything can be done to help since this is a years old issue with what seems to be divergent bone growth.

My eye appointment will have to be done by my general doctor person, so that can't happen until something ridiculous like mid-September, which is super lame. But I guess a far off appointment is more than no appointment.

Day 5870 - 7/27 - Good, but blind

Today was pretty good. Things were quiet and calm. There was a pretty terrifying care at the start of my library time. I opened my laptop and it immediately started doing the start up lights. Though that isn't entirely unusual as maybe in the past few months it has done that a few times before. I am not sure if the power button is extremely sensitive and getting bumped, or if when I am wiping the top and screen it is causing some kind of static that triggers it, but it's always been fine before. This time though after the initial lights it just kept the lights on, but didn't actually turn on, then it shut itself off. It showed no lights after that, not even the plugged in charging light and my heart panicked. I held the power button for more than 30 seconds and there was no change. But then I closed the lid and opened it again and it was fine. So hopefully nothing was seriously wrong. It may have not shut down correctly from the night before, or was turned on when in my backpack somehow. I may never know. I should still be covered by the extra insurance either way for another 2 years, but I'd rather not need to RMA it to test the coverage.

After that it was a pretty regular day, though there was extra tooth pain and extra blindness. My blurry vision was so bad I had to move closer to my screen than normal to see it. I even went back out to the car to try to have extra soda, as sometimes eating and having a lot (half a can or more) can get my blurry vision at least a little cleared up, but there was no change. But the rest of my day was pretty ok, and I got some good progression in my new free game I've been spending time with lately.

Day 5871 - 7/28 - Almost clear

Today my vision is almost totally clear, for the first time in probably months. In the morning I decided to skip my usual breakfast doughnut, so that means no doughnut and no chocolate today. Is the bad vision related to either of those? I don't know. There was also no red meat and no cheese. So I still wonder if there is some kind of food (sensitivity) connection.

Other than that the day was pretty good. I was freezing in the library, but the weather outside is moderate to chilly. There were people at my table half of the day, but they were pretty calm and super quiet, so that was good.

Day 5872 - 7/29 - Unknown Monday

Today I don't know what to expect. It's been pretty chilly lately, and I'd almost rather have the too hot weather back, but I guess it's fine. I don't know what to expect for my day.

Day 5873 - 7/30 - Unknown Tuesday

Today I will probably be continuing my no chocolate vision test. Since it was a better day Sunday without, I figure this week I may avoid it to see if there is any difference. I'd expect not, and I'm pretty sure I tried this before, but I really have no other leads.

Week 839

Day 5874 - 7/31 - No (food) connection

Today I am again at no clue what causes my blurred vision. I've been clear in the morning and it starts to get blurry without having eaten anything, so it doesn't seem food related. And during the past few days I've noticed four or more cycles of more clear and more blurry visibility, so my only possible guess would be stress or some kind of deficiency, again likely not related to specific foods.

I'm a bit anxious about my ankle appointment. I've always been worried it would be some terrible news like cancer or some other thing that will require amputation. But really being 25 years or more to degrade to the point of really just now starting to bother me sometimes it almost feels like just genetic variance (due to flat feet) and both inevitable and unavoidable the older I got. I guess we'll see what the doctor says maybe in two days. (Assuming we don't have to wait longer for some kind of test results.)

Day 5875 - 8/1 - Very tired

Today I am very super tired. I had a very rough time getting to sleep last night. I think I must be worried about my appointment tomorrow or something.

Today was I guess ok, though my tummy feels very acidic and I have a bit of tooth pain. Other than that it was pretty restful.

Day 5876 - 8/2 - Slip-n-slide ankle

Today I had my appointment with the doctor to check my ankle. He did indeed barely know anything about ankles and ordered X-rays for me and had that set up to be forwarded to the podiatrist. Why couldn't he have just looked at the pictures I sent online and then do things from that?

The X-ray visit was annoying because it didn't open until 2 hours later than when I was done. So I went away, then came back around 4 hours later, and did it before they closed. The X-ray tech seemed very puzzled by what is going on. He said a couple of things are happening. First a thing he said he can see with just his eyes, which I don't at all, is that it seems while my leg is straight and correct, the foot itself has shifted to one side of where it should be. And then the other thing he said was that it seems to be slightly rotated. Like if you were sitting with your feet flat on the floor, with the leg straight, and then rotated the knee to the side about 15-20 degrees, that's how the foot is settled. (I have noticed, especially in recent years, when I'm sitting it is much more comfortable set to the side like that than straight on. That might be why.)

He did seem to agree when I told him about the scooter accident where I hyper extended things that if I had broken it at that time the issues wouldnt have slowly appeared after 25 years and they'd have been a lot more immediate.

So he seemed very confused and will have to look at the results and forward them to the podiatrist. He has no clue what could be going on since he's never seen anything like this before. That can take a few days, so I probably won't hear back on any possible conclusion on what's going on until at least Wednesday. I still expect though nothing will be able to be done to help since it's been such a very slow to progress type of damage/deviation.

Day 5877 - 8/3 - Odd reminder

Today started with an odd reminder of something I'd forgotten about until the person reminded me. One of the regular librarians came up to say hi to me and she said she wanted to say goodbye because after today she was retiring. She also wanted to say she would always remember me because she thought I was an amazing person for turning in that fat envelope full of cash (with a check on top.) She said she was the person to count it and see how much it was and she was so nervous because of how much it was she was hiding it under the desk at her station while she counted. Apparently it was almost $4,000, again in straight cash.

She also mentioned the guy acted as if it were nothing when he got it back and didn't seem to care. I do remember hearing that before. It is completely mindboggling to me, especially now hearing just how much it was. I can't even imagine how much income I'd have to be getting monthly, and at what level my savings would need to be, to just be like, 'meh, whatever' at the loss and return of $4,000 in cash. I mean, sure, there is a point for sure I could see myself at where I'd be like, 'oops, I lost it. Well, I hope the person who finds it spends it well. I have plenty more.' But I am nowhere even remotely close to that today. In fact, I am worried about probably not having even 400 saved by October to pay the upcoming car insurance (all at once) and get some contacts.

Other than that today was pretty regular. Though I suppose I was extra tired and a bit extra sad, likely both due to worrying about my foot and ankle results. But I had fun with my games, even though it was just slow basic progress and nothing super important. And hopefully I can continue to hang on until better days.

Day 5878 - 8/4 - A bit upset tummy

Today I have a little bit of an upset tummy. I don't know why, but when I get roast beef there is about a 60% chance my tummy won't feel super great about it. I wonder if the store keeps it longer than they should. (I get it from the deli.)

Other than that the day was pretty good. I felt like I was in a slightly better mood than usual, but also a bit more sad and worried about my ankle and leg. It was bother me a bit more than it has been lately, and so I think subconsciously my brain was worrying that means it is rapidly degenerating or much worse than I think. Either way, all I can really do is wait for results and the next steps.

Day 5879 - 8/5 - Worrying Monday

Today I will probably worrying about my results on my ankle. Hopefully I won't worry or stress out too much and will have an ok day.

Day 5880 - 8/6 - Probably worrying Tuesday

Today I will probably still be worried about results. Since I didn't do the x-rays until the center was nearly closed Friday I really don't expect to hear anything back until Wednesday or later. All I can do is wait and hope news isn't too terrible.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2024
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)
best viewed at 1280 wide resolution or higher