Week 883
Day 6175 - 5/28 - More stars
Today I am pretty happy that my stuff has more stars. It's not a lot, but one is up to two 5 star ratings now, and the other has one 5 star rating. So I'm like yay. 
I am so very exhausted today though. I have some stuff my brain wants to work on and add, but it's still pretty early, and with my exhaustion the brain just doesn't want to start work and mess something up. Maybe I'll start on it soon.
I am a little hurt feeling from the official discord shouting out a company that has started crowd funding for their project. (Because I did what I feel is a pretty solid thing 'first,' and don't require payment.) But I get it. It's a well known 3rd party content creator, and they have a whole team of people, so it's got things like full real art and super professional layout. But still, it hurts the feelings a little to get no official recognition. Maybe it will happen later when I'm bigger. But part of me can't help but think even with like 135 downloads and three 5 star ratings my stuff will sink into obscurity and overall it will go unnoticed and unrecognized.
Day 6176 - 5/29 - Super tired
Today I am super tired, which is weird because I actually got a good amount of sleep. I wanted to do some pen and paper stuff, but the idea isn't solid enough yet, so brain isn't being creative yet.
I am not looking forward to tomorrow. There is yet another terrible eye poking. I think there is one more then that will be the doctor's preferred set of 3. But for sure next time, maybe even this time if there is no improvement I'll be like, 'nope, I'm done.' It's getting too traumatic and between appointments I'm still freaking out about the next appointment. If it's not helping then I don't want it. The trauma isn't worth the possibility of helping if by this point it should have been helping and isn't.
Day 6177 - 5/30 - Apparently improving
Today I didn't get to do much because I again had a terrible eye poking. I mentioned I was questioning quitting because I recall the doc saying he didn't feel it was improving, but I guess I misheard him. He said it was super improving and showed me pictures. I guess now there is an indent where the fovea should be (which is weird because the picture is of the side, but the camera is pointed directly in.) In the old picture there is a bad bump blocking it. So I guess it's finally really improving even though my vision still seems the same.
It's actually becoming hot out. I haven't seen a temperature, but I'd guess it's at least 85F if not closer to 90F. So that is nice that it's finally getting up to what it should be for this time of year.
That's really all for today. I only really had 3 hours at the library, then just now I am back from my appointment. And I'm still blinded by dilation, so it would basically be when I'm 'getting in bed' before I can see clearly to do anything.
Picture of the eye damage this time and last time.
LargeDay 6178 - 5/31 - Super productive
Today turned out to be a pretty productive day. My brain felt like doing some stuff for my superhero pen and paper thing, so I worked on that for a bit. I thought I'd just do a little bit, but it wound up being closer to about 3 hours of stuff, so that was pretty good. I do probably have less to do than it feels like before it's 'finished', but my brain has not been in the right mood.
I guess it was a pretty ok day other than that. Food was ok. I played a tiny bit. And I watched a couple of shows.
Day 6179 - 6/1 - Upset system
Today my system seems upset. I think it's mostly heat since it was like 90F+ recently and I think it's 80F+ outside now. The library seems silent, so I think the AC is broken again. So it's actually warm now, but the air has a smell and seems pretty stale. Which is bad because my brain otherwise would want to do pen and paper work, but I may not be able to because I don't feel great. I hope the day will be ok, but my brain may just be flop and unable to think or do anything.
Day 6180 - 6/2 - Probably hot Monday
Today I don't know what to expect. It will probably still be pretty hot. Hopefully I can be ok and think clearly enough to do whatever creativity feels like doing.
Day 6181 - 6/3 - Probably hot Tuesday
Today I don't know what to expect. Nothing is really coming up except for my shooter game getting a preview of content coming soon. No clue what else to expect for today.
Week 884
Day 6182 - 6/4 - Up too early
Today I was up too early. For some reason I woke up about 30 minutes before my alarm. I decided to go ahead and do a shower this morning instead of tomorrow. Hopefully I can recover that little bit tomorrow.
I did a bit of pen and paper stuff that was new for about an hour, and some sort of 'back end' work for another hour. It's nothing people will see, just some style stuff that may make future changes easier. I wanted to do more new stuff, but my brain is still kind of stuck not thinking up ideas.
I'm super tired today. I've been congested and very tired lately. Not really any other symptoms though. Cough is maybe once per 3-4 hours, so that seems unlikely to be a symptom. Oh I have had a lot of headaches. I guess that could be a symptom as well.
Hopefully I can get good rest and be feeling more normal tomorrow.
Day 6183 - 6/5 - Headaches
Today I had a lot of headaches. My tummy is a bit upset too. I did do stuff for my pen and paper stuff, but it was more background stuff people probably won't notice at all. There were a few more downloads, which is super happy, but no new stars or reviews, so I still don't know how people really feel about it. There was also another promotion for the crowd funded 3rd party thing too, which still feels a bit hurtful, but I suppose I expected to fade into obscurity and I'm not really surprised.
Day 6184 - 6/6 - Live streams
Today I was again headachy and exhausted, which is a bit odd since I spent money getting a cooked food in order to try and recover whatever my body may be missing that is making me so tired.
I watched a stream I normally watch Friday morning. And then I was pretty tired, so I watched another one, which ended earlier than I thought it would. I thought about doing pen and paper stuff, but I was just too exhausted to think. Which worked out ok as it was just a very short while before yet another live stream came up of a yearly show that previews some games coming up. And then it was pretty much time to go for the night, so I had dinner food and watched part of a show and that was it.
I don't know why lately I've been so exhausted and often unable to think. It has to just be general stress because I don't know what else it may be. I can't do much to alleviate that sadly. Even if I do have a game or special dinner to try and alleviate stress, I know deep down that just around the corner my life will still be the same sad homeless life. It wouldn't surprise me to find out on a normal person's 1-10 stress scale I'm averaging a 15, and that my scale is really 7-17 by comparison due to all of the combined physical and emotional stress, whereas a normal life only is dealing with one of those at a time.
Well, all I can do is try my best to continue hanging on. And hopefully I can make it to better days.
Day 6185 - 6/7 - Slow cards, fast day
Today the official card creator released for the pen and paper game, so everyone can go crazy and make their own stuff. It does mean I'll need to convert 100+ cards to cover all my stuff. Which while that sounds like a lot, it probably took me about 4 hour to get through about 30 of them. (And 3 more hours after this writing.) So if that doesn't get any faster I'm looking at another about 10 hours before completion. And that doesn't count time putting the cards into the files. Which hopefully that should be pretty quick. Though I did have to change or reword some, so there will be some backwards work changing the file to match the new card version. My stuff looks super official now, but I still wonder if more than a few will actually care. It is probably still too early to tell.
Day 6186 - 6/8 - Other supplement
Today I will start completing cards for my pen and paper stuff for my other supplement. At more than double the cards I would guess it won't be done until Tuesday, maybe even Wednesday.
I am feeling ok, but pretty tired. I seem to be focusing ok, so I guess that is the important thing, but I feel very sleepy.
Day 6187 - 6/9 - Card Monday
Today I expect most of the day I'll be doing card stuff for my pen and paper supplement. Nothing else really expected out of the ordinary for the day.
Day 6188 - 6/10 - Probably card Tuesday
Today I expect I'll still be doing card things. Though I may finish today. We'll see. Hopefully I can continue to stay creative and be a bit happier than usual.
