Week 873
Day 6105 - 3/19 - Sleeping in
Today I got to sleep in, so that was nice. Though it was still a sleepy day, so I just played a new free to play thing and watched some shows. Hopefully getting a bit more sleep will help me be caught up so I can be not sleepy and regular feeling again soon.
Day 6106 - 3/20 - Fast day
Today went by pretty quickly. I played and had fun and watched a couple of shows. I did do a bit with my pen and paper hobby, but my stupid brain worked on something new instead of finishing either of the 2 that I have to finish. I'm not going to make the self imposed close date by the end of the month since it's only one week away. At least I still basically have 2 months to actually finish to have it as ready as possible for the game launch when I can finally put it out in the world. I'm sure I'll make it, but I'm going to have to focus and ignore my third idea until the others are done.
I'm a bit worried about my eye poking tomorrow, but in theory it's the last. I do expect they will want me back for another check in a few months to look inside and see if the treatment worked as it should, but there should be no poking after this.
Day 6107 - 3/21 - Not the final eye poking
Today I am pretty sad. Apparently I was mistaken being told that it would only be a series of three eye pokings. The doctor today (different each time so far) said it would take many many more, and in some cases never ends, just gets very infrequent like once or twice a year. I guess what that first doctor meant by a 'series of three treatments' was after that there may be more treatment series, because the doc today said that they may change the medicine for the next series since it's not healing as much as he'd like.
But on the other hand, in good news, he said my vision is extremely impressive and nearly at a normal level of vision. He said most patients he sees with this much damage have very bad vision, and in some cases can never be repaired. But in my case things look really surprisingly good for the level of damage and hopefully someday that means treatments will be able to stop. But I probably should not expect them to stop in the near future. 
I guess the most I can hope for at the moment is reducing down to once every 6 months. And hopefully someday things will get better and hopefully not get any worse. (Which so far it hasn't seemed to get any worse, but isn't improving very quickly.)
Day 6108 - 3/22 - Disappointing eggs
Today I had been looking forward to getting a special breakfast to help cheer myself up. But when I got to the fancy food store and saw the eggs I was disappointed. They weren't fluffy and cooked like they should be. The middle looked raw, with lots of questionable liquid. It looked super gross. It's like there was zero quality control. Almost as if they had put all the ingredients in the thing then put it on the warmer and expecting it to cook like that. I got something else, and warned one of the people working at the counter those eggs looked dangerous. The thing I got was only half as much, so I guess that's something, but it was pretty disappointing.
I guess the one contact wasn't as bad as I feared. Mostly things are in focus-ish. It's almost like a double image, but with the images right on top of each other. On the very far left things are clear like they should be, in the middle mostly clear the closer I look, and on the right blurry. So it's overall got a kind of double vision slightly blurred look. It has been... tolerable. But I couldn't really do much besides play and watch shows. While (mentally) focusing due to blurriness wasn't impossible, it wasn't great. So overall it was too distracting to try and do pen and paper hobby work.
I guess a disappointing start, but otherwise a pretty decent day.
Day 6109 - 3/23 - Pretty good
Today has been a pretty good day so far. It's very early afternoon and I stopped playing to do the writing, then there will be a bit of time to do pen and paper hobby stuff, then a bit of show watching and dinner.
My eyes feel fine other than maybe a touch more light sensitive than normal. Distance vision looks good, but I'm pretty sleepy, so it slips to blurry pretty easily, but nothing bad or unusual so far.
Day 6110 - 3/24 - Regular Monday
Today hopefully will be a regular homeless Monday. There isn't anything special or unusual I expect will happen.
Day 6111 - 3/25 - Hopefully regular Tuesday
Today will hopefully be a regular homeless Tuesday. I don't have anything new or special I expect. I do think this week has possibly a few dev chats about games I'm playing, but I don't think one is until Friday, and I'm not sure on the others.
Hopefully it will start to be calm and regular times again soon and I will be less sad about my eye issue.
Week 874
Day 6112 - 3/26 - Terrible news day
Today I am exhausted. Yesterday started with some terrible news. I was trembling and felt like throwing up all day because of it. I again got news from my ex that I have to reduce how much stuff I have in the ex-garage. I do get to still have some stuff there, which is one of the only reasons I'm holding together, but I'll likely have to reduce it by 40%. I do have some bigger items that can go, but it will likely require my removing things like all of my cooking stuff and dishes and glasses, and all of my stereo stuff. I will be very lucky if that's all I need to remove. Those aren't the worst things to lose, as obviously I'm not using them now, but they do work ok, and they are mine. And while no one could pick them out of a pile of things and say those are mine, it will be sad to let them go. Especially since due to their age they have no money value even though they work just fine.
Soon, possibly next week, I will have to remove these parts of me. And I will again mourn the loss of some of me, and what remains becomes smaller and smaller, and fewer and fewer seem to know what and who is me or care.
Day 6113 - 3/27 - Bad smell day
Today is apparently bad smell day. There has been this homeless guy at the library near me lately. The past like 3 days he's come in and put his cart stuff in the corner behind me, blocking an area that's not supposed to be blocked. Today for literally several hours he would fart every like 20 minutes. And while I get he probably can't control that, every time it smelt like the worst rotten egg smell and made me feel sick. It was so bad I considered changing seats. I really hope he goes back to wherever he used to sit in the library because he is super shady and doesn't smell good in general. He's also being very rude and blocking off not just one bench, which is probably about 6 feet long, but he's trying to block off part or all of a second, in addition to the corner his space takes up. It's beyond extremely rude.
Then when I was driving I turned a corner and there was a bad smell of maybe a skunk for a bit. It cleared up pretty quickly though, so at least there was that.
I am pretty exhausted feeling. I again lost sleep and likely only got 5-6 hours total. Not nothing, but still. And again I feel sad, like I will start crying at any moment and I'll start shaking uncontrollably.
All I can do is try to focus on what I have, what I can control, and hope I get enough sleep, have enough ok food, and I can continue on.
Day 6114 - 3/28 - Tired day, fast day
Today I am pretty tired. I still lost some sleep, both in getting to sleep and again for about the third day in a row waking up as much as an hour before I need to. I guess for how much sleep I've lost I feel pretty ok, but I feel very shaky, and I look super pale and unhealthy.
The day seemed to move very fast. I didn't even think to do pen and paper stuff. Partly because there is a lot of time sensitive video game stuff happening, but probably more so due to my tiredness just making me forget. It was ok. I played different stuff and had fun, and watched a few shows.
Monday is a holiday so I'll have half as much computer time, if I'm lucky. It may be less than that. I should be able to focus and do pen and paper stuff then since I'll be forced to be offline. I guess we'll see. So much of my life feels out of control lately.
Day 6115 - 3/29 - Still feeling wobbly
Today I still feel wobbly emotionally. I guess mostly I just feel things are unstable for me. It doesn't help that guy I don't like was in my area again. And he was being an ass not only parking his big stroller in the corner, which is doubly against library rules, but he put stuff across two benches again. And then he left the library for about 1.5 hours. It's like don't be an ass and try and claim a bunch of extra space, especially if you are leaving and not even going to be there.
I guess the day was pretty good other than that, though I am sneezing a lot today. And then there was some yuck when I did. So that didn't seem great. I did do a little bit with my pen and paper stuff, and played a few games and watched a show. So I tried to get to feeling better as best as I could.
Day 6116 - 3/30 - Oops, quick
Today has turned out to pass very quickly. I guess I was having fun with my games and not paying attention to the time. it's not super important, there is enough time left, but it's a later start than I expected with my 'afternoon things.'
That annoying guy isn't around, so that is good. I'm settling a bit from my big scare about my stuff, so that is good. Though I again probably only got 6 hours of sleep, waking up an hour before I needed to. I'm pretty sure it's only been the past few days, but it feels like maybe my system still hasn't adjusted to the time change.
I guess a pretty good day overall, though I'm still very sneezy and tired.
Day 6117 - 3/31 - Outside day
Today is a forced outside day. Hopefully I can be at the fancy food store for a few hours. The plugs outside the library where I used to go have pretty much all been removed, so what used to be a very peaceful outside time with a connection is now pretty terrible as I'm mostly exiled to my car. And if I get a connection I'm burning battery to use it, or have a very limited amount of time to use a plug.
All I really hope for the day is I can get at least some of the tougher pen and paper hobby stuff done. I really need to get on that to close it out and have it ready for the game launch in late may.
Day 6118 - 4/1 - Unknown Tuesday
Today I have no idea what to expect. It may be a regular homeless day in the library, or it may e a very sad reduce my stuff in the ex-garage day. Whichever it ends up being, hopefully I can continue to hang on, especially emotionally.
