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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 15: Digital life, dreaming of a real one

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 15 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 737

Day 5153 (V:877) - 8/10 - Still waiting

Today I am still waiting for word from dad about the laptop monies. I mean, yeah, I couldn't do it without, but it's getting pretty frustrating that a month ago he seemed to be in a big rush to help, now I've put all spending completely on hold to see what happens, and more and more time is passing.

I guess today was ok. I didn't play much, more just watched stuff. This lockdown on spending and moving forward with anything has got me pretty down, which is very weird to say since usually there aren't any bills or costs I need to worry about. But I guess I hung on as best as I could. And I try to stay calm and patient.

Day 5154 (V:878) - 8/11 - Felt like a nap

Today I am still not feeling great overall. I feel like I need a nap, and I'm writing this in the early afternoon. I guess I'm a bit congested, and a tiny bit chills feeling, but mostly just feel tired and sluggish.

Still no news from dad, which is kind of aggravating. Now it means I probably won't be able to get it this week, after he said he would get me the money last week. I don't get why he pressed so much to help, and seemed in such a hurry. only to then not help. Again, it will get me a new laptop which I otherwise wouldn't be able to get, but it's been a lot of extra stress since I've now put everything on hold and I'm waiting and waiting and waiting when it should have happened already. I think at this point I'd have preferred he would have said he'd send it eventually but didn't know when it would be than saying he is trying for x time only for that to continue to get further and further from that point.

I guess all I can do is try and rest and relax and hope things get better soon.

Day 5155 (V:879) - 8/12 - Very upsetting

Today I am still waiting for money from dad for the laptop, or even any news. At first it was no biggie to wait, but now needing to put spending on hold is getting very stressful and upsetting. Can I get gas? How much? When? What about costs for school? What about bills? If I need to spend bill money and then later cover that with the laptop corpse money, is that ok? What if no parts sell? How much do I need and thus need to recover from those part sales?

I visited the ex-roomie for a bit for laundry, shower, and a movie, so that was nice. I got some fries too, which are always yummy to get.

I am getting extra stressed out and worried from dad not sending anything after being so insistent. But I guess I just have to stay as calm as I can. He sends it or he doesn't. And I have to try my best to hang on in the meantime.

Day 5156 (V:880) - 8/13 - Still no news

Today I had fun with a new game I got with basically the rest of the credit I have on my game service. It's super cute and fun, though a little sad because there are followers and they can get old, or sick, and die. So I get a bit sad when they 'die of old age' and do a funeral for them.

Still no word from dad, which is super upsetting. I still have no clue what is going on. Starting into next week will be 2 weeks from when he said he wanted to get the money to me ASAP.

It also doesn't help that I'm still not feeling super great. I still have some cold-like symptoms, mostly these days headache and a general unstable feeling inside.

I guess though all I can do is try to keep waiting, and try to hang on as best as I can.

Day 5157 (V:881) - 8/14 - Feeling pretty sick again

Today I am feeling pretty sick again. My throat feels rough, I have a pretty bad migraine, my eyes feel smooshed, I think there is some throat congestion, but mostly overall I just feel both exhausted and gnearlly disrupted inside.

I went and did some shopping at a different time than normal today. There were some groups of girls (probably in their early 20s) and a group of guys (again, probably early 20s). It made me a bit sad to think that I'm not young anymore. I don't have those kinds of friends anymore. I don't have people I regularly laugh and have a good time with, even if it's doing basic things like shopping. And now that I'm older, it seems I've missed that window and won't have that in my life again. I'm not a TA, so there's no reason for me to be around younger (creative) people. I don't have money, so I can't do any kind of hobby or club group that would do any kinds of activities like that.

I also saw a very beautiful and attractive girl with partly green and partly blue hair (probably in her early 30s). She was in the fresh food area and getting nicer foods. And it made me sad that I can't eat 'well' and be healthier. I am not even able to eat 'balanced' regularly enough to even try and get into some kind of better shape. And so I felt pretty sad about my health, and worried about things like last night having dreams where I felt like I might die in my sleep from poor health. (Probably due to my insides feeling generally unstable from this cold, including extra bad feelings near my heart.)

As usual, no news from dad. And I try my best to continue to hang on.

Day 5158 (V:882) - 8/15 - Maybe not this week

Today dad still hasn't sent money or word on what is going on. If it doesn't happen before this goes out today then even with same day delivery, if that were even an option, wouldn't get to me today. And if it's regular shipping speed that makes it unlikely to arrive this week at all if I don't order today.

I'm pretty sniffly today. I guess my throat doesn't feel as rough. But as always, I guess I just have to try to rest and recover as much as I can and hope for better days.

Day 5159 (V:883) - 8/16 - Probably hot Tuesday

Today it will probably be pretty hot. It's been in the 80s lately and today it's supposed to get up to 90F, but I guess we'll see. I don't know what to expect today, but try to stay hopeful.

Week 738

Day 5160 (V:884) - 8/17 - A friendly help

Today I got a nice surprise. Someone who used to send much help, but hasn't in quite a while, sent me some help. So that is a very good cushion for what I probably will need to pay the tax and coverage on a new laptop. Dad still hasn't sent any word about what's going on. At this point I'm beginning to wonder if I won't hear back until his next monthly cycle at the start of next month. He seemed in such a rush two and a half weeks ago, but now nothing since.

I decided to stop waiting and checked in on school. What were open and assured classes two and a half weeks ago when I put money on hold are now maybe classes. I am waitlisted on both, so who knows if I will get in or not. But with no word from dad on what's going on I can't keep waiting indefinitely.

I guess it's Fate and have to trust it's for a reason. Maybe the price will go down a lot. Maybe when I do have the money it will be on a 'back to school' or other kind of sale, or a higher-end model will be on a huge sale and I can squeeze that into the budget instead. I don't know, but all I can do is hope there is some greater reason I can't see other than dad simply failing to get the money to me. And as always, I will do what I can when I have opportunity, and hope that is the best choice at the time.

Day 5161 (V:885) - 8/18 - Still waiting

Today I am still waiting for word from dad. I'm still checking email several times a day to see if anything has been said. It's kind of getting to the point where I'm just going to give up, check in the morning, maybe two or three times later, and just assume it probably won't happen until maybe the start of next month. I don't know what to think anymore.

I guess I had an ok day. It was very hot. I was kind of sad. But I guess nothing is really changed.

Day 5162 (V:886) - 8/19 - Freezing

Today for whatever reason the library was freezing. I had to put on an extra under layer, a hat, and was considering putting on my hoodie due to how much I was clenching my jaw from cold.

There really wasn't anything interesting today save for a brief discussion on the difference between herbs and spices. I didn't know, so I looked it up. I miss cooking.

Still no word from dad about what is or isn't going on with the laptop money, but I tried my best to hang on.

Day 5163 (V:887) - 8/20 - Maybe birthday order

Today it was a birthday. There were many b-day wishes on my social page, so that was nice. In the very late afternoon I finally got word from dad that he was sending the money. I am glad to hear the gift card exchange won't charge him extra, so that is a relief. He said he was still a bit worried though, so he sent half and said he would send the other half in a few hours if nothing explodes on his end. So hopefully I can sneak online later tonight (when I normally wouldn't) and put in the order. If not I'll have to wait until almost late morning tomorrow. I suppose being Sunday it wouldn't really matter either way, but still.

I got a cute style single birthday cake, so that is nice. And while extra cold in the library it wasn't insanely cold like yesterday. But it's still pretty weird compared to the heat outside.

But today seemed a bit better, and hopefully will end on a very good note later.

Single birthday cake.

Day 5164 (V:888) - 8/21 - On the way

Today my new laptop is ordered. It's coming pretty quickly, and if not bumped should be here Wednesday. It was pretty much what I expected for cost. I did drop about 50 in the past few weeks, so that was nice, but adding on tax and the 4-year coverage I did have to spend a couple hundred of what would otherwise have been saved for bills. I still hope to recover that with selling the corpse, but I've put it up on a local site a few times now with no interest. I'll try again today, and if there's no movement, next week I'll have to try posting it by individual parts, as those could be used by multiple models, or people who don't need more than one part.

My time in the library was pretty regular, so not much else of interest for the day. Hopefully there will be better days soon.

Day 5165 (V:889) - 8/22 - Quiet so far

Today has been quiet so far. There are only a few people in the library, and oddly not many out driving on the roads for a Monday, so things seem pretty quiet and calm so far.

I'm a bit congested lately with sniffles and a bit of a rough throat. I kind of don't feel great overall, likely due to recent headaches and quite a lot of congestion buildup. As usual, neither allergy pills nor decongestants seem to have any effect.

No word on the laptop arriving sooner or later than expected, so hopefully I can run backups and be ready for that Wednesday. I decided this time to pre-download all the things and just copy them over when I copy everything else onto the system. That only saved probably 15 minutes (save for one very large download), but it seems like it will be nicer to just run the installer from the download folder without having to remember what I need and go get it as I'm doing it.

Hopefully everything will go well and I'll have my new laptop all set up soon.

Day 5166 (V:890) - 8/23 - Excited Tuesday

Today will be a pretty exciting day. Maybe the laptop will come early, but I expect it won't, and I'll be ready for it tomorrow. I'm not sure how tomorrow will go though. It will depend on if the delivery shows how close it is. If so, I'll intercept it on its way to the front door. If not, then it would get dropped off and the ex-roomies would have to sign for it. While I'm sure at least one would be there and they'd let me know, I'd prefer they not need to be bothered with it and just meet the driver at the street.

Whatever happens hopefully today will be a hopeful day.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2022
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