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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 15: Digital life, dreaming of a real one

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 15 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 741

Day 5181 (V:905) - 9/7 - Raw

Today the food I got tasted raw. It was a calzone from the food store, and while you are supposed to warm them up they should be cooked enough people don't need to. But the bread felt really doughy, and it didn't taste great overall. I threw half of it out and will see if I can get a cooked tender meal at the place that takes my card.

I got a huge boon yesterday. The streamer I watch has started doing a special giveaway and yesterday I finally got a win. So I got to get the full year special edition of my shooter for the next expansion and year of content as a prize. So from when it starts in February for the year after that the expansion and all season stuff is covered. Phew. That was basically the biggest gaming worry I had and it's now covered.

It's been unusually hot lately. Yesterday peaked around 115F. Today is a little less I think at around 105F. But my brain has been cooking and thinking and doing stuff has been different because the library A.C. is broken or can't keep up, becasuse I was sweating there yesterday while just wearing shorts and a tank top. And today with the same cloths I was borderline sweating.

I guess today was ok, but it's still so hot I can't think. The game win yesterday was quite a boon though, so I have a little something to look forward to at least.

Day 5182 (V:906) - 9/8 - Still above 100F

Today there was a brief period for a few hours where the library was normal temperature. But most of the day it was too hot, and with my tank top and shorts I was still slightly sweaty.

I had fun with my game and shows, but there was nothing special today. Just a regular day. Hopefully things will cool down and be normal again soon.

Day 5183 (V:907) - 9/9 - Finally starting to cool

Today things are maybe finally starting to cool down. The morning was pretty hot, but in the library I went through phases of having all my layers on, or just having my tank top and shorts on. When I left it said the weather was in the high 70s, which is probably 10-15F cooler than it had been at that time in recent days. I think it will still take through the weekend to truly cool down But it looks like things are finally starting to cool.

I had strange dreams last night when I could sleep, but now all I remember is thinking that the weather felt like it used to when I would visit my grandparents in Phoenix. I remember several nights of being unable to sleep in the heat and hearing the fans running. But hopefully things will be cooler soon. Hopefully my brain will feel better soon. And hopefully I can make it to better days.

Day 5184 (V:908) - 9/10 - Cooler

Today it is much cooler. It's weird that a few days ago it was hitting over 110F and today it maybe got as hot as the 80s. It's been kind of icky because there were gray rain clouds, which made things pretty humid.

My cold has been very bad today too. There was a lot of congestion, rough throat, and some sneezing. For a few hours I had a pretty bad headache and a bit of dizziness. Thankfully that has past and I am just back to congestion and overall fatigue. I tried taking a decongestant and allergy pill, but they did nothing.

I started the day pretty sad. Just before waking up I had a bad dream. In the dream there was a girl that was flirting with me, I flirted back, and we were having a good time on kind of a date. At one point she climbed a pole to a roof cover and changed into a cat with wings and flew away. Other people who worked at her work where we were said I wasn't supposed to find out magic existed. I started to do some magic to show them it was ok and I could, but they tried to capture me, so I tried to fly away to escape. (It took me years to get to where I could fly in dreams and I still have trouble getting more than about 20 feet off the dream ground.) I don't remember much of the dream, just a lot of feelings of panic, and sadness at various loss when waking up. And that sadness and loss lingered.

I did do a bit of a special something with some guildies in my mmo in the morning, but I only did my shooter very briefly due to not feeling great. I spent maybe twice as much time as normal just being restful and watching shows. I hope I feel better soon, but today overall was pretty ok.

Day 5185 (V:909) - 9/11 - Rain

Today the odd mugginess turned to actual rain. It wasn't a very long rain, probably only 10 minutes, but with how hot it's been these days it feels pretty crazy.

I did have a pretty good time with my games, though I played a bit less than usual. I am still blown away by how amazing they look running at fast and solid frame rates. It's such a change from what I was used to with my 9-year-old system.

There really wasn't much else to my day. I found a couple more pre-cooked items to try to eat, so I guess that is good. It's a kind of chicken, so I'm not sure it's really all that different from the shredded thing they do that I have from time to time.

I have been speaking to a professor for one of the two classes and they said they would give me an add code for sure. It is a sometimes on campus class, so if I get both I should be on campus to micro a few times a week, so that is more than nothing. I have probably gained a lot more weight than I think, so I have no clue when that will really improve, especially with things being closed and further limiting my eating options.

I'm still a bit sick feeling, but more-so today I feel pretty sad. Some shows I've watched lately have talked and dealt with a lot of death, which always makes me worry about myself.

But I try my best. I try to hang on. And I try to stay hopeful for the future.

Day 5186 (V:910) - 9/12 - Not feeling great

Today I'm still not feeling great. I am congested and headachy and still have some fatigue. I'm pretty tired too. The weather is reasonable though, and I got a shower, so I feel ok. Hopefully today will be a good day.

Edit: I just found out a game service is doing a free month. Which is crazy because there are two newish games I've had on my wish list since they came out I can play for free. Hopefully I'll have time to do that.

Day 5187 (V:911) - 9/13 - Hopefully ok Tuesday

Today I don't know what will happen or what to hope for. I've been very stressed and sad lately, so hopefully that will pass and today will be an ok day.

Week 742

Day 5188 (V:912) - 9/14 - Still sick feeling

Today I'm still pretty sick feeling. I still am pretty congested in my nose, throat, and lungs, had a few sneeezes, my eyes and ears hurt, and feel overall fatigue. I'm a bit extra hungry too, but that seemingly has happened a bit lately, so I'm not sure if that's the cold or not.

I guess today was pretty good. Nothing special happened in my mmo, but I did do a very fancy thing in my shooter. The people were friendly and nice too, which isn't always the case, so that was a nice surprise.

I also have temporary access to a game service until the 10th of October, so I'm checking out a game I had on my wish list since it launched. It's pretty good, but for some reason, even though it's a single player game, they won't let you play offline. Which is completely stupid and means I would have no interest in buying it, since that cuts out around 15 hours a week I could otherwise play offline. And when I do play, it means I'm using time that I could otherwise be spending in my mmo or shooter, since they are only playable online.

I guess overall today was pretty good, even though I feel pretty sick and not great overall.

Day 5189 (V:913) - 9/15 - Calm

Today I still don't feel very great. I have that odd fever chill feeling that is only about 15% of full intensity, so that is the most odd. There weren't any sneezes today that I recall, just congestion, fatigue, a touch of dizziness, and still some throat roughness. Oh, there is also a weird thing going on with my blood circulation. For whatever reason, I can pinch a thing, or move wrong, and my arm or leg will go to sleep very quickly and be slow to wake up.

I had fun with my games, though I spent half of my play time in the one I'm on the fence about since I only have it for a month. It seems unlikely I'd have time to finish, so I really wonder if it's worth my time. Especially since I'm much more interested in playing single player games in my offline time.

I guess I survived the day ok, but I hope I recover more from my cold soon.

Day 5190 (V:914) - 9/16 - Floater and cracked lips

Today I am very bothered by minor things. There is a floater thing in my right eye, often dead center of where I am looking. I guess it's been there a few weeks now. I looked it up online and I think it said it can be there something like 6 weeks as long as several months. Some days it's more to the side, but not today. I wish it would go away.

Since I've been sick my top lip has been cracked. I don't know if it's related. It hasn't really bothered me until the past few days. I don't know why it's happening. This has only happened to me two or three times in my entire life. I did find some lip stuff in my car when I came back in the evening. I knew I had some, but didn't know where, but when I got to my car it was popped half way out of the center arm rest. To my surprise it is still good. It must be about four years old, so I'm shocked it's still working as new.

Things were extremely quiet today. There were only two others in my guild on my mmo, so there was no chat. I only played my shooter for a little bit, but really no one ever talks there. And the library was effectively empty until probably around 2 PM. And after that there were still pretty much only 2 people per table and a few others. So, very quiet all day.

I guess I had a good day. But it seems something is always holding me down, big and small. Today my mind worried about what life would be like without all these worries and troubles. I couldn't imagine it. Hopefully someday I will find out, and I can hang on until then.

Day 5191 (V:915) - 9/17 - Whanged head

Today I whanged my head pretty badly. I set my backpack on the ground with the door open, something I basically never do, and when I turned back towards the car I smashed my head on the corner of the door with a loud 'whack crunch' sound. It still hurts a bit 9 hours later where it impacted. But weirdly there is no swelling or bruise, so I am thankful for that.

I forgot to bring in my lip stuff today, so it was pretty cracked and bothersome. But it actually may be getting a bit better. Now in the evening it doesn't feel as cracked, and I put some on when I got back to the car, and put it in my pocket so I don't forget again. It shouldn't be more than a few days to heal I'd think.

I guess I had an ok day today. I did a silly thing with my guildies in my mmo for about 30 minutes. I had fun in my shooter. And then I spent some time with 2 games I have for almost a month with the free service. I'm actually very glad I didn't buy them when they were new and I was very interested in them. In one game you are a Viking, and so to get resources you are raiding and killing monks. I've done it maybe four times so far, and I'm not sure how comfortable I am doing that. Unlike previous games these aren't bad guys, you are the invader, you are the one killing them for no reason. So I may not continue it. In the other game it's basically an alternate history world with 70s technology in a South American type area. Even though there are some pretty wild things, I'm not sure I'll continue that one either. At its core it's basically a modern shooter, which I'm never into. So this preview time has been very helpful, as I'm not sure I'll continue or buy either, even if they were on sale and I could play them offline.

But it's evening now. I am trying to be calm and recover. I still feel pretty sick from the cold and not great overall, so hopefully I can rest and make it to better days.

Day 5192 (V:916) - 9/18 - Raining

Today there wasn't anything special in my games or job searches. Both were pretty regular in terms of what was expected and seen.

The weather is very different though. Last night it poured rain for maybe 30 minutes. And off and on all day it's been rainy. I guess the 100F weather is fully gone and now we are hitting the rainy time start about a month sooner than we normally would. But I do like the rain very much if I am somewhere safe and warm.

But today was ok I guess, and so I try to continue to hang on.

Day 5193 (V:917) - 9/19 - Sniffles

Today seems ok so far. Rain has still been off and on, but it seems to be clearing for the moment. I don't feel too bad, but I have a lot of sniffles. My throat isn't too rough and my lip is still cracked, but not overly dry. My eyes and ears still hurt, so I'm still not great feeling. But I did get a hot shower, so that is something.

Hopefully my time at the library will be calm and quiet and I can be restful and make it to better days.

Day 5194 (V:918) - 9/20 - Maybe rainy Tuesday

Today I didn't know what to expect, but it may be raining again. Hopefully things will be calm and quiet in the library and I can continue to recover from my cold. I'm worried about bill money. I'm shorter this year than ever before, so things will be quite a struggle. But I have to do my best with choices, and try to continue to hang on.

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