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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 15: Digital life, dreaming of a real one

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 15 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 763

Day 5335 - 2/8 - Spending begins

Today I started spending the big money. I paid my very important year end web stuff, and paid it for two years as my plan estimated I could. It was actually a teeny bit less than the estimate, but that teeny bit will likely be literally eaten up with things like cooked food. I have to be very careful with that.

I got my boots yesterday and they fit really good. They aren't the most comfortable in the world, but for like $65 they are where I expect them to be. I also got the expansion for my MMO that comes out in a few months, so that's taken care of too.

I held off on paying the car insurance, as I didn't want to hit my card with everything all at once. I'm also going to wait a few days and check my phone before calling about my contacts and exam. I did put in my last pair maybe a week ago. And yeah, the gooping must have wrecked them a bit, or their overall age. That last pair can see a lot better. It's not perfect, as about 25 feet or further things get a bit blurred, but I don't know if that is due to maybe being a quarter step down or if that is because my blind spot is messing with the shared vision and making it impossible to fully focus on anything.

I got a little bit of stuff on sale at school too; some big painting paper and a little bit of paints. I will give some paper to the professor who lent me her brushes and stuff so when she has the next student who is poor like me and needs help she will have a bit extra to help with in the future.

I should feel better. I should feel more relieved. I guess I do in a way, but mostly I feel exhausted. I've been losing sleep lately and I guess I'm still behind because most of the day I've just felt like I'm going to flop over asleep. But I continue to try to hang on as best as I can.

Day 5336 - 2/9 - Maybe Kraken

Today I am pretty tired. I'm still pretty exhausted from losing a bunch of sleep lately (for no real reason.) I saw the friendly professor I sometimes chat with in the morning. I guess he's been out around the same time that I was sick. I guess he said he briefly tested positive for the new Kraken strain of the virus. A few of his symptoms sounded like mine, so it's possible I had a low level version of that for those two weeks. I'm fine now except for general exhaustion. So if I had it, or didn't have it, it must be gone by now.

There is still nothing new for my class I was ahead in. Now the project was due, so I wonder why nothing new has been posted. I still don't understand why there were 2.5 weeks to do it. My only guess is maybe this is the first ever class students have that introduce color? Even then it seems too slow, with too complex and too few projects. It's definitely not how I would run the class if I were in a position to do so. I do have a big project due on Saturday for the other class, so I started on that. I guess it hasn't been as bad as it originally seemed. But I don't know, it's a bunch of boring research and such, so it doesn't seem thrilling.

I only had a little bit of time for fun today. The project took me by surprise and I'd spent about 2 hours on it that I hadn't planned on. I was also very tired, so didn't do any stuff for my site like I expected to. And I lost an hour just messing around because I was so tired. But it was a day. I paid another big bill. I'm actually a touch ahead on my estimates, so that is good. And so I try to continue on as best as I can.

Day 5337 - 2/10 - Big homework

Today passed pretty quickly. I had a big homework to do that I hoped would be pretty quick, but actually wound up taking nearly 3 hours. I guess it's ok though because now it's finished and I have Saturday, Sunday, and probably Monday, free to do whatever. There is one hopefully small thing I have to do to get ready for a test, but that's it.

I guess I feel mostly ok. There is still a bit of congestion and some cough due to the cold weather, but it is finally starting to warm up. I had my hoodie off for just a bit when I was out. So I continue to try and be as warm as I can, and continue to try to hang on until better days.

Day 5338 - 2/11 - Mouse test

Today I tested a new mouse. It was an older design style that I used for a few years before my current one, but with new tech. Weirdly I just wasn't feeling it. I prefer the smaller, more regular shape mouse I've been using for the past 2 years. And the fancier button tech didn't actually feel any different from my current mouse. I mean, yes, in a blind test I could say which is which easily, but 'better'? That I could not say.

I guess today was pretty good. Most of all I am still just very tried. I did find out I'm still a week ahead in the one class I made the picture for. Apparently the 'turn it in' last Wednesday was not the actual turning in. It was just to turn in your partly done work, but I'd finished. This Wednesday is the for real turn it in. So I don't have anything in the class to do until then at the very earliest, maybe even not until next week. It still seems like it's moving at a snail's pace, and that project should have been maybe 1 to 1.5 weeks at most, not the like 3 it's been.

I'm pretty tired, but I guess feel mostly ok in terms of health. So I continue to try my best to hang on.

Day 5339 - 2/12 - Still so tired

Today I am still so very tired. I still had a bit of trouble getting to sleep last night for some reason. I was so tired I actually did do some school stuff that I wanted to do. Not a huge deal, as I should be able to do it in about one hour tomorrow. I did do some stuff on my site though, so it's very close to being a lot more current.

Hopefully I can get ok sleep tonight, and hang on until better days.

Day 5340 - 2/13 - Probably relaxed Monday

Today I expect will be a relaxed day. I don't expect one class will post anything (until Wednesday), and the other posts things on Tuesday. Hopefully it will be calm, fairly quiet, and all the buzzing thoughts in my brain finally start to settle. (It's been obsessing over bills that I can pay, but can't because they can't be paid early, or need to wait to be paid.)

Hopefully I will be calm, warm, and get some rest, and have a pretty good day.

Day 5341 - 2/14 - Maybe busy day

Today will maybe be a busy day. I have regular class stuff that will be posted, but we also have a test this week that I think I can take any time until Sunday. So unless there is less regular stuff in the week to compensate for the test, this may be a pretty busy day.

Sadly it won't be a busy day with sweetie day things. I don't know when I last did that. I can't even clearly recall the last time I even did the chocolate roses to give to girls in class. This year that's not even an option since the classes are online. There are a few who somewhat regularly sit around me, but that doesn't feel super proper, and being half my age there would be zero chance they would be interested in me in any way.

Today I hope I can be warm enough, things around me are calm enough, and I can continue to hang on.

Week 764

Day 5342 - 2/15 - Mindboggling

Today was pretty good. It was a quick feeling day, though I didn't do much. I did do a little bit for a class thing, and the next assignment was finally posted. Though the lecture portion was a 10 minute video that I watched at 2x speed. And again, it really said nothing at all about color or theory. And again, we have more than 2 weeks to complete it. A few students have started showing their project, and it's mindboggling how many are not following the directions. People did things like add a second layer when it's supposed to be a flat drawing. (Though I guess I kind of understand this one, as the demo the professor did was on tracing paper so he could move it around before doing the actual painting. So people probably thought he just glued it in place.) Or people used multiple colors when you are only supposed to use one. It's kind of mindboggling how they messed things up with this much time to complete it.

Most of the day I just rested and played. My other class which posts the whole week on Tuesday has a test, so that won't be posted until tomorrow.

I guess the day was ok, though still a bit sad. But I try to continue to hang on.

Day 5343 - 2/16 - Tummy thing

Today I am recovering from the night time tummy thing again. It is that weird thing that wakes me up and I feel both starving and like I've been punched in the tummy at the same time. (Like just under my ribs down half way to my belly button, just in the front of my body.) I still have no clue what it could be. Maybe it's some kind of crazy muscle cramp since there are areas on my back muscles that seem to reflect a similar kind of pain? My only other guess is it's maybe GERD related.

Other than that it was a pretty regular day and so I continue to try to hang on.

Day 5344 - 2/17 - Distracted

Today I have been super distracted. I didn't do something I've been trying to do for a bit. My mind kept wandering all day with other things just being generally distracted by nothings.

I've been trying to figure out what to do for my next color class project. Again it has really nothing to do with color theory that I can tell. The only thing he said about theory was half should be a 'warm tone' and half a 'cool tone', but he didn't actually explain what that means. So anyone who isn't familiar with that would have to go look it up online or something. I have half a week until the sketches are due, and then a full week after that to submit the 'work in progress', and then probably even a week after that before it's actually due, so I'm not at all worried.

I guess today was a pretty regular day, and I continue to try to hang on.

Day 5345 - 2/18 - Rabbit hole

Today my brain was very distracted. I expect it was because I felt pretty tired, which is odd for getting enough sleep. But it would think about maybe a product I want to get (since I have some money now) and it would spiral and look at different versions, then eventually just calm down and be like, 'none of these are better than what I have.' (Like what happened with the mouse I tried.) It also spiraled a few times checking various class things, which is like I'm ahead in everything, so I don't know why it was doing that.

I guess there wasnt much harm being scattered today, since I had no serious or important commitments. I guess the day was ok overall, and so I continue to try to hang on.

Day 5346 - 2/19 - Made the time

Today I finally "made the time" to do the thing for the website that I've been wanting to do for a couple of weeks now. It's funny (and sad) that I finished updating parts that haven't been updated in exactly one year to the day. Hopefully now that the parts are basically current again I can feel better and update them as needed as time goes on, like I used to back in the day when I wasn't so extremely depressed all the time.

Other than that I am still unusually tired, and extremely easily distracted. I wonder if any part of that is a subconscious reaction to my right eye's blind spot. Though the past couple of days it actually finally seems like it may be clearing up. It's been so long since I got the floater, then the minor blind spot, that I can't even remember what it was like to see clearly without interruption.

Other than that it was a pretty normal day. And as always, I continue to try to hang on.

Day 5347 - 2/20 - Inside

Today I can thankfully be inside for at least most of the day and night. I was very worried about it what with everywhere I'd normally go being closed for the holiday. I won't be super warm where I'll be (compared to outside), but I won't have to worry about a connection, or being blinded by the sun at whatever time, or access to food, and hopefully I'll be warm enough that things are ok. Hopefully I can continue to hang on ok.

Day 5348 - 2/21 - Still ahead

Today will hopefully be a regular at school day. I am still ahead in the color class, possibly as far as 2 weeks. I still don't get why there is so little lecture or work in the class, but I guess it's a nice break. The other will probably post the week today and I'll just go ahead and do it all at once. It's easier that way.

But hopefully i can get shaved and showered in the morning, get some micro foods, and be calm and restful. And hopefully I can continue to hang on ok.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2022
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)
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