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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 15: Digital life, dreaming of a real one

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 15 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 753

Day 5265 - 11/30 - Possibly another scammer

Today I have been rapidly getting upset. Not only did I get another scam email on my online account (that I take donations on) claiming I ordered something and owe them like $500, but the person who agreed to buy my dead laptop appears to be scamming me just like the last one. Granted, they only bought it yesterday. But they put in a $100 offer, and I said that was too low, so countered with $200, which they accepted. So that was the first time they'd have been reminded to pay. Then the site should have reminded them today, and I sent them an invoice. But they still haven't paid. Well, I will try to not be too mad and maybe they will come through.

I guess I had fun today other than that. I did a little work for one final, then got directions on how to start the other. So things were pretty fun and creative.

The pain in my jaw/tooth is lessening, but still there. I don't have to take too many pills, but I'm still doing between 3 and 4 doses per day. My right eye still has that pain in the butt floater right in the center of my view, which was messing with my focus. I guess that's been 3 months now, and unfortunately the internet search said they can average as long as 6 months, so I'm not looking forward to more months of this. They always disappeared in 1-2 months before, so I don't know why this one is being so slow.

But I try to hang on to hope the buyers will stop being dumb about paying me and I can recover some money. And I try to hang on to hope help comes and I can make it to better days.

Day 5266 - 12/1 - Looking super fat

Today I guess was pretty ok except for the morning. When I took my shower I took some pictures of me for a 'self portrait' portion of one of my finals. I look even fatter than I feel. I'm sure I'm beyond my previous heaviest weight. I feel hungry pretty much all the time now. I have for I guess the past couple of years. Maybe it was something to do with being on a diet that was so different for so long due to closures preventing me from eating like I used to. I would like to start doing a little workout to get things going, but at this point I think it may be depression more than anything else. And I know from prior attempts even with regular light workouts they don't do really anything for my blood pressure since my diet is unchanged. Things are too restricted with my current life.

Other than that it was a pretty good day I guess. It was pouring rain for a lot of it, so that was yikes. But I don't have class today, so I just stayed in my seat in the cafeteria.

I did do a bit of test work for one of my finals. I have a little 8x8 square of the same watercolor paper we were given to do our final on. So I tested out how things looked. I hope I do ok with it. I'm worried the watercolor parts may just come out like blobs like they have been. I'm also worried about carrying the special paper to and from school if it's going to be raining. I'll have to be extra careful with that. Technically it's not due for two weeks, so I guess I really don't need to do more than I've done yet, but I'd like to.

The person hasn't paid yet. It absolutely looks like a second scammer. All I can do is try to continue to try to hang on and hope for better days.

Day 5267 - 12/2 - Arting

Today was pretty good except for still not getting paid. I sent a second 'invoice' saying they have 24 hours left to pay or I'll cancel the order and give them negative feedback.

The rest of my day was fun playing my game and in the last bit working on a bit for my final. I think it's going to turn out pretty good. I sent a progress picture for the professor to check because I added some stuff that weren't in the base directions.

But today I felt pretty good. And hopefully money and help will come soon for the bills, and I can hang on until then.

Day 5268 - 12/3 - Unbelievable scammer

Today I had a rough time at the library. It started ok, but it was pouring rain, so I didn't want to risk moving my art through the rain. So I lost a day I could have worked on things.

Then at just past about noon, the connection started going to crap, right when I was going to play a more bandwidth intense game. So I didn't even get through one game before bad guys started literally flying around and I started getting disconnected. So the game I expected to play a few hours was interrupted and I barely got to play at all.

I pulled the laptop sale, again. I had to immediately relist it even though I'd planned to wait a bit. And I kid you not, within about two hours the person who just did not pay, after my sending 2 reminders and the site probably reminding them 2 times, tried to offer me a buy now deal. I responded with something like, 'oh hell no. Why would I sell you my item that you just spent 4 days not paying for?' I tried to report them, but I guess the site stopped allowing people to do that a couple years ago. There is apparently an invisible strike against their account when they don't pay though, but I was unclear how to set my account to ignore bids from those people, so I asked customer service for clarification on that.

But now I'm a bit worried. Every penny I have is barely enough to cover the critical December bill. The site says they are holding my hard drive sale money until the 17th, and that is barely any money. And unless more comes by the next part of the critical bill in early to mid January I'll be in big trouble. That part is only 50 more, but I'll be at flat zero unless the dead laptop does finally sell very soon.

I am hoping dad sends late turkey day money. Weirdly I haven't heard from him, or gotten any kind of card or email, which is very unusual. I expect though he just forgot since he's getting pretty far on in years.

So I continue to hope help comes, because I'm still extremely tight, and even short, on bills. And I hope help comes in time, and that I can continue to hang on until it does.

Day 5269 - 12/4 - Short project

Today was a better day. The connection was good, so I got to play my games without issues. It was warm enough in the library that I had my hoodie off all day. Though that isn't saying much, as I'm basically in full winter layers with two thermal long under pants, a tank top, two T-shirts, and two long sleeve house shirts, not counting my hoodie or pants and regular underwear.

There was no movement on the re-re-posting of the dead laptop, but being Sunday I didn't really expect any. And I think I found the part where I can tell it to refuse offers from people with non-payment strikes. There was also a setting to refuse offers from people in countries outside of my shipping settings. Which is weird, because why have check boxes to say you don't ship to a place if you aren't already going to block offers from there? That makes no sense to me.

In the later afternoon I did some stuff for a project I'm working on in the Monday class. It only took half the time I expected, so that was good. I thought about doing some for the Tuesday project too, but we are going to share them in class, so I figure if there are any critical change suggestions I can still do that, as they are just penciled in now. Once I do ink or watercolor I couldn't do changes.

I'm still very sad all the time. With all the things going on I don't think that will change any time soon. But I guess I'm ok. And I continue to hang on as best as I can.

Day 5270 - 12/5 - Drop off Monday

Today I drop off the hard drive from the dead laptop. I'm very sad it sold for about 1/3 of what I'd hoped, but I guess getting $20 is more than zero.

I have my final to work on for the Monday class, so that should be fun. Hopefully it won't be too rainy. And hopefully I can hang on ok.

Day 5271 - 12/6 - Short Tuesday

Today should be a very short class. We are talking about our finals and quickly showing them, so I expect class will only be 1 hour out of the normal 2.5. I can't believe things are almost over. It feels like they just were getting started. I guess after class I can start to finish it, and while the paint literally dries I can play my games. So hopefully today will be fun.

Hopefully help for the bills will come soon. And that there is extra so I can sign up for classes for next quarter. And hopefully I can continue to hang on.

Week 754

Day 5272 - 12/7 - Maybe money later

Today was an ok day. I had fun in class and basically finished my final that is due in a week. Other students are just starting for the most part, but some of them are crazy good. And I tell them and they are like, 'eh, it's ok, I guess.' They don't see the potential for what is there, just the flaws and mistakes. I worry as someone older I'll never get a creative position with others like that, literally half my age, who do more creative stuff. But then, I am done and ready for the next thing and they are mostly just starting. So my 'pre-production process' is definitely more streamlined than most.

I'm actually more looking forward to my other final project. I think it should turn out pretty good. Though with these recent projects while I find working with paint and brush is kind of relaxing, I don't like the result compared to what I've envisioned. It's chaotic, unpredictable, and not as precise as I prefer. I know it is likely more to do with practice, tools, and the knowledge of the tools, but I'd be more comfortable with just pencils, pens, or even just rough idea sketching.

I still can't believe the quarter is basically over next week. It still feels like we are pretty much just starting. I still don't for sure have the money to sign up next quarter, which is sad. But I did check on the dead laptop posting since I've gotten no scam offers yet and it did show that someone has put in the minimum $125 bid. Which that could pay the other crucial bill coming in early January and school next quarter, but it is still going for a week, and they will probably hold the money a couple of weeks even when the person dos pay.

But I had fun today, and all I can do is continue to hang on financially and emotionally, and hopefully help will come soon.

Day 5273 - 12/8 - Tummy pain returns

Today I am barely recovered from last night, when I again got the mystery tummy pain. I didn't have any honey, so I guess it's not that. It may be chocolate, because I did have more than usual, but I often have a donut in the morning, so that seems strange. I guess maybe it's just diet and stress. I'll try to take it easy with sugary things the next few days to let my tummy and other parts recover.

I guess today was pretty good. I did some work on a final. It was a watercolor part. I'm still not thrilled with how my work with brushes comes out, but I guess it looks ok. The other half of the project is just pen and pencil, so I think I'll do a lot better on that part.

I guess I had a pretty good time today. I'm still worried about bills, but I'm trying to hang on.

Day 5274 - 12/9 - Finals ready

Today I basically finished my other final. I may nit-pick at a few things, but I think I did everything I wanted to accomplish. I could maybe do more with the watercolor, but I just don't like how I can't control it. I don't think I'd learn the kind of control I want in time. I guess it's fine as it is.

This ass was at the library coughing all day, without a mask. If I see him again tomorrow, which I likely will since he's there every day, I'll insist he keep his mask on or get the hell out. The library has a policy if people are sick they aren't allowed in. Sure I coughed a few times during my time there, but this guy was literally coughing and hacking like every 3 minutes, which is not ok.

I guess the day was pretty good. The project took up a few hours, which was less than I expected. I did only get to play 2 of 3 things I expected to, but that's fine. The projects are done, so the time I was expecting to spend Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, working on them is now zero. So that adds up to a lot of extra playing.

Sadly no donations or word on people buying my dead laptop. I don't really expect anything as it has a bid on it, so hopefully that will complete in about a week. So I continue to hang on, and hopefully help will come.

Day 5275 - 12/10 - Play day

Today was pretty good. With my projects ready I could just rest and play. Which is good because my throat is pretty messed up from the cold that guy gave me yesterday. But I can rest tomorrow and Monday too. Hopefully I can hang on and help will come for the bills soon.

Day 5276 - 12/11 - Destroyed throat

Today my throat is pretty destroyed from congestion and coughing. I can't really talk because I sound like a 12-year-old who's voice is changing. I don't feel super bad overall, but things feel rough. The guy showed up again today, as expected. Within less than 5 minutes he was already coughing regularly. I was getting furious, put on my mask, got up and walked over to him and said, 'Clearly you are sick and shouldn't be here. If you are going to insist on being here, you have absolutely got to wear your mask all the time.' He said, 'oh, yeah.' And then through the day never had it covering his nose. I decided if I should go explain how he's a complete dumb ass and not covering his nose is like not wearing it at all, but I figured if he didn't wear it at all yesterday, trying to explain things which are common sense would be a waste of my time. Someone I know did say another library visitor complained to that guy about his constant coughing. I don't know if he moved, or voluntarily left, or was kicked out, but he wasn't there after that, so I was glad to see him gone.

Overall the day felt rough from my throat being messed up. I didn't cough much, maybe once every 15-30 minutes. I did get to rest and mostly recover. The connection was pretty garbage for a few hours when I was trying to play, so that was frustrating. But hopefully I got some rest and recovered a bit, and will be feeling better soon.

Day 5277 - 12/12 - Hopefully restful Monday

Today will hopefully be a restful and pretty quiet day. It's the first day for finals week, so there should be fewer people around. I'd certainly think less would be staying after class. So hopefully I will have a quiet, calm, and restful day.

Day 5278 - 12/13 - First final

Today is my first final. This is the one I'm actually happier about how the project turned out. Though I'm still not a fan of water colors. Hopefully the day will go ok. It's in the morning, so I'll have all day to rest and recover after. But it's strange to think it's finals week. It still feels like it's only maybe halfway done. I guess due to having one class only meet once a week, and it basically just doing fun activities, instead of lecture, learned theory, or memorization, the time passed much more quickly.

Hopefully the things I've sold will get money to me quickly, and hopefully other help for bills comes soon. And hopefully I can hang on physically and emotionally until it does.

Final project; "I was dreaming, and then I woke up." 2-5 pannels in the comic/graphic novel format, using German expressionism.

(Second page)

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2022
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)
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