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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 15: Digital life, dreaming of a real one

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 15 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 739

Day 5167 (V:891) - 8/24 - Lost day with crackers

Today has been not the best and pretty sad so far. It's about 3 now, and all day I've just been sitting in my car outside of the ex-house waiting for my new laptop. I was really expecting it by 11, when my last delivery came on Monday, but all I've known since it's last update at 9:15 is it's "out for delivery." I guess it's a security concern, but you'd think they would just flag everything on the truck with what place it is on line and update the distance every stop so you'd know where it is.

I had a breakfast muffin, and six pieces of salami, and maybe 15-20 crackers. I have more crackers, but that's it. I guess in a way I'm thankful for the extreme heat, as I've been mildly sweating all day, which I guess has burnt off most liquid I've drunk, so I haven't needed to sneak peeing in my car all this time. I will start to get too hungry for dinner in a few hours though, so that will be sad.

Hopefully it will come soon and I will at least have enough time to get it set up today. It seems testing games and setting it up is unlikely at this point.

Day 5168 (V:892) - 8/25 - Very fast / extreme pain

Today I have been dealing with extreme pain. Pain that is so bad, if I had a normal person's pain tolerance I'd be uncontrollably crying, throwing up, or passing out, or possibly multiples of those at any given time. From what I can gather, for the first time in a long time I'm possibly having my yearly jaw pain. My lymph nodes along my veins on my neck are both sensitive and swollen, and my jaw constantly hurts, like I've been clenching very hard constantly. I think though this time, due to the extremely poor condition of my teeth, along the back bottom left area, and a bit above that, it's caused the extreme pain. It was so bad last night I couldn't sleep most of the night or morning. I'd guess I got maybe a total of four hours of sleep.

To make things worse, my day wasn't great yesterday. I think I got heat stroke from being in heat for so long. I noticed today in the shower that my left shoulder is bright red, likely from mild sun burn, so that probably doesn't help my jaw issue.

I haven't eaten much today. I was starving because I couldn't eat until the evening yesterday since the laptop didn't come until nearly 4. But due to my extra pain I didn't eat at all today until almost 1. And it was basically the smallest of bites that were less than half of what I'd eat normally. It's early evening now and my appetite is growing a lot. I still have to be very careful or risk triggering extreme pain. The pain is lessening a little bit though, so hopefully I can get some sleep tonight.

The new laptop is rediculously fast, even faster than the dead one. I checked FPS on my mmo, and even with turning up settings, increasing draw distance, and turning on some new effects that weren't on at all before, in the open world areas I saw 60-85 FPS. And in a dungeon I saw a high of 250, with an average closer to 150. I've never seen numbers that high. Mostly the big difference were things felt solid. They don't wobble or lag around. My shooter I sometimes play got settings turned up as well, though there is no easy way to see FPS, but it felt like it was equally as solid and fast.

If it weren't for the extreme pain now, nearly 24 hours after it started, when it's barely becoming bearable, today would have been a good day.

Such shiny copper. (Opening to install the 1tb game drive.)

Day 5169 (V:893) - 8/26 - Swollen

Today the pain is gone. I guess it was about 24 hours of ridiculous extreme pain, and now for the past 24 hours that has settled into a weird swelling of my lymph node and the jaw line. Also for a bit last night and this morning a bit of the cheek area across from the jaw on that one side was also swollen. It's just a bit noticible now, and things are still sensitive there, so I'll stay careful, but it's almost normal again. I'm still not entirely sure what happened, but with the swelling I'd guess maybe something got shoved where it shouldn't have, maybe near a cracked tooth, which just cascaded all kinds of things?

I had a pretty good day with the pain gone. I could enjoy my new super fast laptop. And my games are pretty ridiculously solid and fast now. And, my friend that sends help each month changed it to send more monies, so that will be super helpful.

So today, for once, at least so far, was a better day.

Day 5170 (V:894) - 8/27 - Cloth is too thick

Today I was a bit worried about my new laptop since my old one had monitor damage. I have been fussing about being super extra careful and noticed last night it had the checkerboard keyboard marks. Today I got a finger print smudge on the screen, so I did the experiment of wiping it off with cleaning cloths. It thankfully cleared the keyboard marks (and my fingerprint). So even though I only used the cloth for one day, apparently the clearance between the screen and keyboard is not enough to do that. I didn't use it after I noticed last night, immediately stopping use, so I'll keep an eye on it in the future. If I see imprints return, then that may mean there's too much pressure in the backpack, and I'll have to start carrying it separately by itself in its own bag so that doesn't happen.

My pain is still pretty much gone. There was a little on the right side, but it passed quickly enough. The left side that got the extreme pain and swelling is still just a touch swollen, and while I can feel it as well as the lymph node swelling, I can't really see it looking in a mirror. So I feel a lot better about things now.

I didn't get to do either of the two dungeons in my mmo's new dlc, so that was sad, but otherwise it was a pretty good day today.

Day 5171 (V:895) - 8/28 - Bad lunch

Today there was a bad lunch choice. It was an experiment, so I didn't expect it to be great. I noticed a bit ago when I was at the food store in the cooked food area there was a teriyaki bowl which was cold, meaning I could buy it with my food stamp monies. Today I decided to try one. I knew the rice wouldn't be great cold, but it was the worst ever. It tasted like it was the left over rice they had which had completely gotten dried out, and then used for the bowl. I was not expecting it to be anywhere near as bad as it was. They probably don't get complaints because people probably heat it up and don't really notice. So, that is definitely not a future food option. The chicken was yummy, the carrots were ok, but for the amount I ate it was about four times too expensive.

The rest of the day was pretty good. In my mmo I found some guildies to do the new dlc dungeons with in the way I wanted. Now there is one goal left with the new dlc, but that one could take a while to do.

So I guess today was a pretty good day, even though I threw away a lot of what I was expecting to eat for lunch. I guess I have crackers.

Day 5172 (V:896) - 8/29 - Showering still

Today I feel very nice and clean. For some reason the showers at school are still open. There are volleyball people practicing in the mornings, so maybe that is why. I don't ever recall them doing that in previous years.

Today my pain is pretty much gone. There is still a bit of swelling, noticeable if I tilt my head back, and the lymph nodes are still a bit swollen and jammed up feeling, but mostly I'm ok.

There has been some chatting in the streamer chat who I watch, so things feel nice today. Hopefully the day will go a bit better.

Day 5173 (V:897) - 8/30 - Hopefully good Tuesday

Today will hopefully be a good day with my new super awesome laptop. I have no hopes or expectations, but hopefully it will be a good day.

Week 740

Day 5174 (V:898) - 8/31 - Peeling

Today I am a bit worried about my shoulder. Last night it was itchy there, so I scratched, and it felt a bit wet. I noticed the whole area was doing a minor peel from the burn. I couldn't really see there because it's my shoulder, but what I could was still a bit red. I'll know more in the morning when I get my shower.

I guess today was pretty good. For some reason I've been extra hungry. I haven't really gotten extra food to help with that. I probably should, but I worry so much of what I eat is bad, and I'm already in really bad shape with extra weight. But the connection was ok. I accomplished my goal in my mmo that I was trying to do for the new dlc, and so I guess it was a pretty good day.

Day 5175 (V:899) - 9/1 - Pain returns

Today was a tough day. It wasn't too bad, but some of the jaw/tooth pain returned. My lymph nodes may still be the cause, as they are still very swollen. Hopefully things will calm down soon.

I guess today was pretty good. I had fun with my games and watched some shows, but the pain put a damper on things.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Day 5176 (V:900) - 9/2 - Cold feeling library, warm feeling forhead

Today I feel a bit sick. It has felt like someone has been smooshing my eyeballs, and at the same time, poking into my ears. I have a headache, but it's not as bad as the symptoms would normally cause (those are normally migraine symptoms.) Some old guy sat behind me on Wednesday and coughed for a few hours. My throat felt pretty congested and rough the Thursday morning, so I'm guessing he gave me some kind of cold. I knew I shouldn't have been so nice and let him stay. There were enough spots he could have easily not been so close to me.

I tried to have a good day, but with those bad feelings and kind of feeling like I might throw up (in my head, my tummy felt fine), I didn't have a great day. I did have fun in my games and watching shows, but I would have preferred to have some nice soup and laid down for a bit.

Day 5177 (V:901) - 9/3 - A bit swollen

Today my parts are a bit swollen again. It kind of seems like something got jammed in my gums and irritated things. It's not painful at all this time, unless I smoosh it very hard, just worrying and a touch uncomfortable feeling.

I guess I had a pretty good day all things considered. I had fun in my mmo, and even helped a guildie do a super hard thing. And I got a tip on how to get some good progress for something in my shooter, so that is good to know for the future.

Things are still very bad, and very terrible and sad, but today I hung on a bit easier. And sometimes just making it through the day is the best you can do.

Day 5178 (V:902) - 9/4 - Hopefully a good sign for tomorrow

Today I discovered something that will mean tomorrow will hopefully be better than expected. The library will be closed, so I'll have to be outside. Today I thought I noticed some oddness near my old spot. They have been doing a lot of work near it on the roof for a while now. I went over to investigate but noticed nothing different, but I did notice something that implied they agreed with me that removing the plugs was dumb. The work has been going on for a while, and in previous weeks they were going back and forth to a plug very far away, but it looks like they probably got tired of that, as the plug at my old spot is back. (But not the other two that were removed.) The workers must have complained and replaced it, at least for the moment. So, I won't have to be in the sun. I won't have to literally be on the other side of the wall as the bathroom door. In theory I can be in a nice, quiet, shaded, spot and not have to worry about sun until late afternoon or early evening. (Though it seems it's extremely hot today, so that might be trouble.)

The day was kind of rough though. Right when I was getting over the cold from the last coughing person, someone sat across from me yesterday not wearing a mask and was coughing for a few hours until I basically complained that if she was going to be there in the library she really needed to be wearing a mask since she's coughing. But it was probably too late. This morning I woke up super congested and my throat is rough again. And overall I have a general fatigue and just don't feel great. I didn't eat as much as I normally would either. I'm feeling a little bit better though, so hopefully it will pass quickly.

I guess I had a pretty good time with my games and shows though, so I guess overall today was pretty good. It has certainly been easier with my new awesome laptop.

Day 5179 (V:903) - 9/5 - Extreme heat

Today I am hoping it doesn't get too hot. I'm settled into my comfortable spot outside the library, and with just shorts, a tank top, and T-shirt, I'm already borderline hot enough to take off the T-shirt. It's supposed to hit 100F by 2, which would be crazy. I'll shut my system off by the time it starts showing in the high 80s to be safe, but if the app is correct that could be as early as noon.

All I can do is hope for the best today, and remember it is just today and do my best to make it through as ok as I can be.

Day 5180 (V:904) - 9/6 - Hopefully regular Tuesday

Today hopefully I can shower at school. It still seems odd it's open these days, but I hope that continues so I can at least get my showers.

I don't know what to expect for today, but hopefully it can be a regular inside the library day.

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