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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 15: Digital life, dreaming of a real one

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 15 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 755

Day 5279 - 12/14 - Pretty sick

Today my cold that guy gave me Friday has gotten worse. I'm barely coughing, but my lungs are completely junked up, and what is worse is there are now other symptoms. My ears are ringing a bit, and plugged since about 11 AM, so there has been a touch of dizziness. There were also some chill feelings for a few hours.

I had a pretty good time in my class final though. We just showed our final and then talked a bit about it. There was one comment though which kind of surprised me. The project was to put important personal things around a self portrait. So I had images of things from my childhood and a cat. (The cat was pulled from a magazine, which we were supposed to pull most images from.) While I did explain how the things were all connected to my childhood, someone pointed out that the board clearly told a story, even without my explaining the meaning behind things. Everyone else in class just did elements of things they were interested in or liked, but it didn't tell a story or connect to their history. So I guess that did maybe make me feel a bit better (about being older.) It proved my age counted for something, had some value, and gave them maybe something to think about in the future that they hadn't thought of (when working on other projects.)

It still feels weird that the class is over. It still feels like we are just at the 'ok, now you know the things, let's apply them,' part. It will be a strange and sudden feeling break I think.

I'll still be on campus tomorrow for one last shower and set of meals before the long break. I'll also visit the professor I visit from time to time. He did stop by briefly to see me in the cafeteria on Tuesday and invited me to hang out in his class, but due to my cold and already being all set up for the day I didn't go.

I haven't been paid for the dead laptop yet. It closed just over 24 hours ago, so I'm not super worried yet. But having been stiffed twice before on payment part of me does worry this will be a third fake purchase.

But the day is done. I am pretty sick. And so I try to stay warm and restful as best as I can.

Day 5280 - 12/15 - Goodbye, dead laptop

Today I can finally say goodbye to the dead laptop. The third bid cycle completed, and at nearly 48 hours after the person paid. I packed it up and it's all ready to go in the morning. Unfortunately the site said they wouldn't release the money until the 30th, so I can't actually spend it until then. I think I can sign up for school soon though, as I don't have to pay for about a week after.

That will cover the other critical bill I should be paying with the one in a week or so. It's not actually due until mid-January, so that part can slide to a later date.

But that's basically all the money gone. I maybe can consider getting a clear protector for my laptop, or maybe a fancy art carrying case. I'll have to see exactly how much 'extra' I have after the things are paid. I do need to be really careful because things like gas can add up very fast. And there are more bills just around the corner as soon as March, not counting the big car cycle in mid-July, which I have no idea how I'll cover them.

So the thing is fully sold. A teeny fragment of the loss is recovered. And there are still so many bills ahead I need help for. All I can do is continue to try to hang on. Hopefully I can get over this cold soon. And hopefully things can be better soon overall.

Day 5281 - 12/16 - Some money

Today the sale site said they sent me some money. Which seems strange since they originally said that money wouldn't be released until the 19th. I guess what they meant was I should have it by the 19th.

Hopefully I can pay my most important bill soon when that money arrives. I have some going out that hasn't shown up at the bank, so I'd like to be sure that one is in place before paying. Sadly my big money won't be there until the 30th, if it follows the same pattern, so things like school or the other part of the critical bill will have to wait a bit.

I had a pretty good day today though. The bandwidth was ok. I am pretty warm. And things seemed calm and quiet. That coughing guy didn't show up at all, which I'm glad of (though that's odd with him being in the library every day for the last 1.5 or more years.) So I continue to try to hang on and hope help comes, and that I can make it to better days.

Day 5282 - 12/17 - No more trunk

Today my trunk did not open when I pulled the release next to the driver's seat. It's like the lever isn't pulling anything. Some connection inside probably broke. Which means now the only way into my trunk will be by going into the back seat and lower it to go in from behind. A few years ago, I don't even remember how long ago, the key stopped working. It just rotates in the lock and does nothing, so I had to start using the release pulley. But now that doesn't work anymore.

I guess all in all it's not a huge deal, but it will take some serious reorganizing of where I put stuff, I'd guess probably an hour or so to redo it, and then be a pain going forward to get anything. I guess at least the breaks are fixed, and it mostly runs ok.

But it seems a reminder that, even if I feel ok with everything else, which I never do, there is always something broken in my life. And no matter how minor or trivial it may be, it feels like yet another problem that I have that everyday people don't, or could just shrug off and repair easily.

Day 5283 - 12/18 - Still rough

Today there really isn't much to say. I still feel congestion in my nose and throat and have an occasional dry cough. My voice is still terribly rough sounding, my ears ringing and plugged, and I have a bit of asthma that's pretty much always there, though it's so minor it's not really an issue unless I'm trying to sleep. Still, I'm better than yesterday, so hopefully I'll be fully better soon.

Until then I try to hang on to hope help and gift money come soon. And I can hang on physically and emotionally until they do.

Day 5284 - 12/19 - Maybe

Today I will maybe be able to pay one of the two critical bills and sign up for classes. I'll have to be very careful to go over how much I have and the timing of when things hit. My big money probably won't get to me until at least the 30th, and that should cover the other part of the critical bill and pay for school. But I have to be careful on the timing. I can't count on getting anything for Xmas. There have been times I've not gotten anything before, or what I did get wasn't usable for bills.

But hopefully today I can be warm in the library, hopefully the connection holds and is stable, and I can continue to recover from the cold.

Day 5285 - 12/20 - Mystery Tuesday

Today I don't know what to expect. I am between school quarters, so I'm back to every day is the same. Hopefully things are ok at the library and I can stay warm, do things without interruption, and continue to recover from the cold.

Week 756

Day 5286 - 12/21 - Works for now

Today was, I guess, ok. Though oddly I got note that my 125 for the dead laptop is already on its way to me. Similar to the notice I'd get my last payment on the 19th and it was sent on the 16th, they said it would be on the 30th, and now it's sent a week early.

I'm not complaining though. That means I can pay my email bill, and all critical year end bills are then covered. I should also have just enough to squeak in classes next quarter. Although technically I'm only on one class waitlist, and that means I don't have to pay yet. If that doesn't change to registered in the next few weeks I can hold off payment until the quarter actually starts.

I decided to see if I could rearrange stuff in the trunk. Since my car is a 4 door, moving the most used items to the middle side actually is pretty easy to get to going in the passenger back door. I just flop over the back seat, bend in, and it's easily gotten. The problem is that means I'm only actively accessing 1/4 of my available space. The rest has to remain deep storage. I guess that works for now, as I really only need quick access to showering things and some of my drinks. The rest of the stuff in the trunk is used so rarely it doesn't matter. Maybe I'll try to open it later and see if something can be done to re-engage either the lock or the pull release.

My cold is changing a bit. I'm super congested in a sniffly runny nose way now, instead of just very stuffed up. I am coughing more, but it isn't destroying my throat like it used to. And I can feel my lung congestion feels less now, so I think I'm pretty quickly getting better. (Quickly for me at least.) And the stupid cougher who gave me his cold isn't in my corner anymore, though I have seen him somewhat close, he should be far enough I shouldn't have to worry about it. (Though you can still hear him coughing from half way across the floor, probably 30-40 feet away.)

Everything overall still feels pretty terrible. In a time where you visit friends and family, maybe try some new foods you aren't used to at a restaurant, where you are in a home maybe that's a bit too warm; I have none of that. I am cold. I am alone. And there is no revelry to look forward to.

Day 5287 - 12/22 - Feeling sad

Today I'm feeling pretty sad. Nothing really unusual happened, it's just my limitations of my sad life feel very sad today. I played my games and tried to have fun. I watched a show. My cold is more sneezy than anything else, but I only coughed a few times, and the congestion that is there really doesn't bother me. Today I tried my best to hang on.

Day 5288 - 12/23 - Unstable

Today the connection got pretty unstable pretty quickly. From maybe noon until 3 games were unplayable. It was literally disconnecting every minute. It was so bad even the video stream at the lowest possible setting would drop every few minutes and stay stuck.

I guess the day wasn't too terrible other than that. Overall I did feel old, tired, out of shape, kind of icky from what I was eating, and as always worried about bills. But all I can do is continue to try and hang on as best as I can.

Day 5289 - 12/24 - Eve

Today is I guess, Xmas Eve. Holidays that shift days like that kind of escape me. I know they are coming. I know roughly when they are. But since I can't really celebrate them my mind doesn't count down the days. I don't have something to look forward to and pay attention to when it is, and what day of the week it is today.

I guess the day wasn't too sad until now. A reminder of how regularly I miss important holidays and how they are just an overly lonely and sad day to me.

Day 5290 - 12/25 - Sneeze yuck

Today wasn't as cold outside as I thought it would be. Where in previous years I was shivering and struggling to stay warm, I was pretty much fine this year. I actually saw a few people walking around in shorts, which seems a bit much.

I wasn't feeling too great though. I guess the extra stress and sadness had my GERD going pretty badly, and with sneezing nearly constantly for a few hours, I eventually sneezed about a half cup of yuck. I'm extremely grateful it went next to me and down my extra hoodie, and not on my laptop that I had on my lap. I didn't have any napkins with me though, so I set my stuff to the side and jogged the probably 30 or so feet to the bathroom, which was locked. I had to just wipe up what I could as best as I could with some wet leaves, and later properly wash it off at the car.

I guess I did the minimum I expected with the day, and surprisingly haven't really been uncomfortably cold yet. There was some glare on my screen though, so that made serious play impossible, and the sun started coming into my area as early as 2, so I didn't do much. I guess I did the minimal dailies though, so that is something.

It's later afternoon and there is still time left before I 'go to bed.' But my eyes hurt. I haven't really felt like eating since sneezing yuck. But my dad did say he was sending monies soon, so that is helpful. And both monies for the dead laptop are in my account, officially closing that event in my life. So I continue to try my best to hang on and make it to better days.

Day 5291 - 12/26 - Outside Monday

Today I will be outside again. The library is still closed for some reason. Hopefully it won't be too cold. I guess mostly I'll just eat foods I have left over, so that is taken care of. Hopefully the outside bathroom will be open today, just in case I need it. And hopefully I can hang on.

Day 5292 - 12/27 - Inside Tuesday

Today I will be back inside the library. I expect it will be super quiet. Hopefully it will be nice and warm. And hopefully the connection is stable, as it's been kind of garbage a few hours a day for the past few days. And hopefully I can continue to hang on.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2022
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)
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