PC talk system recommendations blog Facebook YouTube articles and guides links bio
rabb1t's ramblings podcast email
Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 15: Digital life, dreaming of a real one

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 15 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 779

Day 5447 - 5/31 - Different drawing

Today was pretty fun. In my drawing class we did drawings with 'mixed media' on a different kind of surface. It wasn't the best due to proportions being off, but it was different and fun.

I guess that was really it for my day. I was pretty exhausted, so my brain was pretty sleepy. I don't even clearly remember most of the day, but I know I played my MMO, watched a show, did class, played my shooter for a teeny bit, then watched another show. But it's all kind of a blur.

Hopefully tomorrow will be restful and maybe I can get some extra sleep tonight and be not so tired.

Day 5448 - 6/1 - Tiny cheese

Today I feel ok. And I did last night, which is good since I unknowingly had some cheese yesterday. I decided to get a food I don't normally get and tasted the cheese, and then noticed a little bit on the picture on the box.

Since I have been craving it so much I wonder if maybe the food poisoning reset things a bit. Like with how I don't really seem to want or crave Pepsi since then. I think this weekend, probably Sunday, I may test with a single cheese slice. And then if that test is totally ok, next week I may be bold and get a micro pizza. I'd guess that is only 2-3 ounces worth of cheese, likely about the same as a slice. If things seem fine I may try a micro lasagna the week after that. And if I can have that and things are fine, then things likely have been reset and I don't need to constantly worry.

In my reading about possible issues there were a few that were things that could naturally 'pass', and so if I'm fine with cheese again I wonder if that was the case. Maybe there was some blockage, or stone of some kind, and now it's passed.

I guess I had a pretty good day. There was a bit of school stuff I did very quickly, and most of the day I played, watched shows, and rested. I am still so very tired.

Day 5449 - 6/2 - A bit acidic

Today my tummy is a bit acidic. It doesn't really happen much these days thankfully. Since banning cheese, even more so since the food poisoning, it has been pretty acid free. But I did hot dogs for food today, and it hasn't been very happy with that choice.

I guess today was pretty peaceful other than that. I played my games and watched shows, and just very briefly peeked at some class stuff.

Something odd did come up a couple of days ago. An ex of mine died, and the family didn't post a reason why. She was a couple years younger than me. I always cared a lot for her, and part of me hoped we'd reconnect and maybe have a happily ever after. When we were together timing was bad for me, and later when things cleared for me, timing was bad for her. But the reality is that I don't think she ever cared for me as much as I did her. And she hasn't talked to me in, I think, more than 25 years. Which is absolutely no small amount of time. So she'd already left my life a very long time ago.

It kind of makes me think of others too from 'that circle' of people I once knew. They all abandoned me, pretty much right around that same time. I always wanted to be friends or do stuff with them much more than they wanted with me. I wonder lately if it ever meant anything. If they haven't cared to stay friends or talk in that long, are the memories of them worth anything to me?

Well, I have today, and hopefully I still have many years ahead. And all I can do is try to hang on to what of me there is left, and maybe someday I can be in a better place to try and build more with the time I have in the future.

Day 5450 - 6/3 - Maybe small poisoning

Today I have felt a bit off. Yesterday my tummy got a bit acidic feeling, and I ate hot dogs all day. This morning I thought I'd get more gentle food and got shredded chicken and crackers. Even though the chicken said it was packaged today I don't think it was fresh. Since I ate some I've had the same muscle cramped punched feeling as a few days ago when I was badly food poisoned. But it's not as bad, maybe only 10% as intense, but definitely noticeable.

I guess it was a pretty ok day though. I actually started a school paper that isn't due for 3 weeks. Tomorrow I'll hopefully mostly, or completely, finish. I was thinking this weekend is the last one before both my new MMO expansion and a monster smashing arcadey game come out, both of which should be super fun. So if I do the paper now, that removes probably half a dozen school hours I would need later, freeing it up for playing instead.

I guess overall it was a pretty regular day. Fairly quiet and calm, I played and watched shows, and nothing especially new that was terrible (or wonderful) happened.

Day 5451 - 6/4 - A bit punched

Today I am feeling a bit punched still. My tummy muscles are feeling a bit strained and I don't really feel like eating. Weirdly with this time the sharp pain feels like it's on my left side, about where the pelvis top pokes up. It's not a whole lot worse than yesterday, but it does feel a bit worse and I've barely eaten. I had a blueberry muffin for breakfast, maybe 10 pieces of salami, about a dozen crackers, and maybe half of my normal drink amount (none of which was soda.) I thought about getting some chow mien to see if that would help settle things and be something my tummy would want to eat, but the more I thought, the more I realized that's a lot greasier than I think it is and it would probably be a bad idea, so I decided to pass.

I did do the school paper, which surprisingly only took about an hour. I guess I just need to tweak it a bit and it should be ready.

I guess besides feeling punched a bit today was a pretty good day. My tummy has been gurgling a lot, which is usually a sign it's dealing with something, so hopefully that should clear up soon. And hopefully tomorrow I'll feel ok.

Day 5452 - 6/5 - Big game day

Today I will hopefully feel better from my recent light food poisoning. I have my new expansion for my MMO to look forward to. Hopefully that is ready and the server is back up early enough to play. And then right before I go offline for the night the arcadey monster killing game releases, so I have that to look forward too as well.

Hopefully I'll feel better, and today will be a calm, restful, and fun day.

Day 5453 - 6/6 - Probably all the class stuff

Today will probably be a day spent doing all of the online class stuff for the week so I can have that time later to just play my new things. Of course it doesn't really matter, since time spent is time spent whenever, time is time, but it's nice to do it all Tuesday and then not worry about needing to do anything Thursday. I can just add that to Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for days to play.

But hopefully today I will feel recovered from my lesser food poisoning. And hopefully I can get through class stuff quickly to move on to fun things.

Week 780

Day 5454 - 6/7 - Feel ok, but veeerrry tired

Today I feel ok in my tummy, but overall still completely exhausted. I drew pretty badly in class. It's about getting better though, in terms of practice and theory, not quality of work, so it's fine. I had fun in class though, and am having fun with my new game things, so that's good. Maybe tomorrow I will be daring and test a micro pizza for lunch and see if it affects me at night. Though my body still hasn't wanted Pepsi at all. When I had it a few days ago I had a few sips and tummy was like, 'nope, do not want,' so I stopped. Which still seems strange after averaging 3 cans per day the last few years and for most of my life. Since my food poisoning I'd barely gotten up to 1/2 a can per day. It still seems overly odd and I wonder if the removal of caffeine is why I feel so exhausted.

Well, it was a pretty good day. I should only have a tiny bit of class stuff tomorrow and then the rest of the weekend to rest and play, so that should be good.

Day 5455 - 6/8 - So very tired

Today I am very tired. I don't know shy but I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I have been extremely hungry too, so much so that after I had lunch it felt like I hadn't had any, so I got a hamburger from the cafeteria.

I did finish school stuff early, so I had a fun day today playing the new stuff in my MMO, watched a few shows, and played very briefly in my other new game. But overall it seemed restful and fun.

Day 5456 - 6/9 - Cheese test

Today was a super fun day. I played with some new stuff in my MMO pretty much during my day play time. I watched a show after. Things were restful and calm and the day passed quickly.

I also did a cheese test. I got a single slice of cheddar for my sandwich and it was fine. Anywhere between 2-4 hours from now is the usual pain window if it's going to happen, so I'll see later if I have a bad reaction. But I don't know, it really feels like cheese will be fine again. (The way it was. I will still be lactose intolerant to some degree I'd guess.) Really the only things my tummy kind of immediately seems to always react to is chocolate, that I still seem to need to keep control of, and Pepsi, which sometimes I'm ok with half a can, and other times I'm done after a few sips. More experimenting will be required for sure.

But today so far has been super good, at least for my sad homeless life.

Day 5457 - 6/10 - Cheese experiment pass

Today I am feeling fine. Which means the first cheese experiment of a single slice was perfectly fine. My tummy did make a little noise and I had a bit of trouble sleeping, but that has happened a few nights now and I'm also having a bit of sneezing, so I may have a cold or something.

I had another super fun time with my MMO. I barely played my other games and only watched a couple of shows. It's a bit weird to play a different class that is so different from my main. I keep instinctively trying to do certain abilities and I'm like, nope that's not what that button does. It's fun to do something different for a bit. I'm actually getting close to max level, and then it will be pretty much just back to my main. But I still have all the new story stuff to do still.

So far today was very fun. I'm super tired from losing sleep lately though. If I don't have a cold I don't know what that is about other than maybe the overwhelming stress I always have. There have been some pretty bad dreams. But today was good, so I continue to try my best to hang on.

Day 5458 - 6/11 - Sleepy

Today I am still extremely sleepy. I again lost a couple of hours of sleep last night. I'm not exactly sure why, but I have been pretty sniffly and sneezy, so maybe I've been fighting a cold or allergies at a low level and that is why my body is extra alert and not sleeping easily lately. I had more bad dreams too, but don't remember them. I think I was maybe crying in my sleep though because my eyes had a hard time opening.

Thankfully I had a pretty good day. I played my game and had fun and watched a show. Things were quiet and calm and most of the day I was alone at the table, so I wasn't worried about sick people being around me.

Hopefully I can get some extra sleep tonight and don't lose more sleep.

Day 5459 - 6/12 - Nearing quarter's end

Today is the second to last week of the quarter, not counting finals. I guess it's not a very strange thought, but I am worried I'm running out of classes. Continuing is the only thing keeping student loan people off my back, so it will be worrisome if I can't continue. Plus, then it would be weird to visit and do showers and use the microwave. I'm sure barely anyone would notice and no one would question either, but still. I certainly shouldn't hang out there all day if I don't have classes.

But today is today. I can only look a very short distance ahead, if at all, with how my life is, and continue trying to do the best with what I do have.

Day 5460 - 6/13 - Hopefully good Tuesday

Today hopefully will be a good class day and things will be smooth and I have time to play too. Hopefully I will get enough sleep. I may do a lasagna test too since the last cheese test was fine.

Hopefully I can continue on, and be as happy and feeling ok as I can.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2022
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)
best viewed at 1280 wide resolution or higher