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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 15: Digital life, dreaming of a real one

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 15 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 775

Day 5419 - 5/3 - A forgotten day

Today I apparently forgot to write. I discovered I'd forgotten when I did the Thursday writing. I had a good time with my drawing class, though we started doing faces, which I am super horrible with faces. I remember I played and had fun in the morning, but after class I was downloading something, so I didn't play after. There was a bit of a sprinkle, but it was a good day.

Day 5420 - 5/4 - Microwave brownie banned

Today I am adding the little brownies that come in a couple of my micro dinners to the fully banned food list. Yesterday, and the last time a few weeks ago, during the night after eating, I had a pretty bad night time tummy pain. It wasn't as bad as cheese, nor as quick since it took closer to 12 hours to affect me, but it did wake me up, and I did lost a few hours of sleep. It took about 8 hours for things to start to feel normal again. So again this is a weird one, as chocolate on doughnuts seems ok every few days, but this little 2" brownie seemed to pretty well wreck me.

Today was a pretty relaxed day. I did all my Tuesday/Thursday class stuff on Tuesday, so mostly I just rested, played, and watched shows. I did turn in one assignment, and peeked in on another that I need to do a small thing with, but really I didn't do school stuff today.

I feel pretty tired from the tummy pain keeping me awake, but I guess my day was pretty ok other than that. And so I try to continue to hang on.

Day 5421 - 5/5 - Surprise bagel

Today I had a sort of surprise bagel. I'd gotten it in the morning expecting that I would get shredded chicken and make little sandwiches, but there wasn't any, and I got chicken strips instead. So I guess since I had chips, I just had that and forgot about the bagel for sandwiches. It worked out ok though, as I was pretty hungry in the evening when I was getting ready to leave the library, so it was a nice surprise to find.

There was an older, I'm guessing homeless, lady who brings a cart thing with her into the library. She started coughing and sounding like she was going to die. I was considering reporting her because they really shouldn't let people that sick stay, but I was about 20 feet away, so I theoretically should have been safe, and I figured I was leaving pretty soon anyways. If she comes back and sits near me I will report her and be like, 'oh hell no,' because that's not ok.

I guess it was an ok day. I played my games and watched shows and had fun. It was about as good as I could expect.

Day 5422 - 5/6 - Stupid sick people

Today I was worried about stupid sick people at the library. First there is the regular there who sits sort of behind me (about 15-20 feet away), who is probably homeless though he denies it. He was hacking and coughing and sneezing and sounding like he was in the same situation as the lady yesterday. Next, some older lady was hacking and coughing in the seat behind me. I was going to tell her put a mask on or get the hell away from me, but she moved maybe about an hour later. Do people not get how viruses work? Do they not understand how immune systems work? I don't get it. Why are they in a public place when they are very clearly horribly sick.

I guess it was a pretty ok day other than that. I played my games and had fun. I did some stuff with guildies in the morning, so that was fun. Then I played a bit of something else before watching some shows. I guess it was a pretty restful day, save for the insane stupid sick people around me.

Oh, I did get word on a game refund finally going through, so that is good. A game that I'd been really looking forward to for years finally launched in an absolutely unbelievably horrid state. It is one of the few things I've ever even considered refunding. I don't understand how it released in the state it did. The AI is unbelivably stupid, and they don't really come close to fulfilling the promises they made. If it can be fixed, it's likely years away from being good. I don't want to hold onto the copy and hope that happens. It seems too unlikely.

But I guess overall I hung on ok, and hopefully I stayed safe from all the sick people.

Day 5423 - 5/7 - Ok day

Today was an ok day. It wasn't anything special in my games or shows, but it wasn't bad. There were again too many people in the library. I guess maybe it's near mid-terms because there were a ton of high school people around.

I have had I guess a low grade migraine today though. My eyes have been hurting in the back a bit, and my ears are ringing a bit, and I've had a bit of a headache. I'm pretty tired too, but I hung on ok.

Day 5424 - 5/8 - Hopefully dry Monday

Today will hopefully be dry. It's been very rainy for a while now. The weather app shows it isn't going to be above 60F until Friday when it looks like it may be going back to proper spring weather. Hopefully I will have fun in the drawing class and hang on ok.

Day 5425 - 5/9 - Hopefully dry Tuesday

Today will hopefully be dry too. I love rain, but it should be very warm spring time now. I think last Thursday it rained pretty hard, but it's been clear since, so hopefully today will be warmer and maybe even moving back towards shorts weather.

Hopefully I will have a good day and can hang on ok.

Week 776

Day 5426 - 5/10 - Probably food poisoning

Today I feel very terrible. Last night I got the mystery pain, but not as intense, and the greatest symptom was nausea, which isn't normally a strong one, or there at all. Today, more than 16 hours after the initial incident I still feel just about as terrible, which isn't normal at all for the mystery pain. Though I've also felt cold all day, basically having chills without shivering, maybe a bit of fever, and a migraine. These are more often associated with food poisoning. Which if my food wasn't properly kept frozen would explain it. I got a chicken pot pie, which I probably haven't had in a year or more. And when I opened it I thought it odd that the top wasn't still a bit frozen, but instead was doughy mush. I trusted that it would be ok since I was cooking it. But now it occurs to me that may have been due to it not being properly frozen at the store, so who knows how long it hadn't been frozen for.

I felt bad enough that I didn't go to class. I just felt moderately nauseou all day and wanted to be free... just in case. I barely ate anything all day. I had a bagel in the morning, and a soup for lunch, but when it got to dinner I had about 6 bites of a second soup, then just ate the chicken and carrots, and tossed the rest. I just didn't feel hungry at all. I mean, I kind of felt very hungry, but my tummy was still grumbly, and I still, more than anything else, felt nauseous.

I did do a bunch of research on abdominal issues. And even though my symptoms didn't really mach anything, particularly any major issues, I will probably have to look into an appointment and getting checked out if I have another mystery pain issue. Frequency is increasing in general and my tummy still never feels like it used to before the events started, even on the best of days.

So today it has been very tough to hang on. Hopefully I can be restful tonight and will feel at least a bit better in the morning.

Day 5427 - 5/11 - Tender spots

Today I feel a bit better. I do think it must have been food poisoning. I did watch a pretty long medical video about abdominal issues though and it pointed out something I didn't know to try. Apparently one set of issues originates in the 'upper right abdomen' and you can check for some of the issues by putting pressure just under the right ribs in the front. Sure enough poking there doesn't feel great. It doesn't really hurt, it kind of mostly just makes me feel a bit more nauseous, and along the muscle vertically is sensitive, but if I don't poke it I don't really notice anything.

It indicates some things though. Mostly that region is most often associated with irritable bowl, GERDS, and certain kinds of blockage. Which are either things I know I have issues with, or were possible thoughts on what was going on (before seeing the video). There are one or two possibly dangerous things to watch for though. One is Gaul stones, and the other appendicitis. Though my symptoms don't line up for these. These are an all the time pain with sudden onset that don't get better. They just have varying degrees of more or less bad. So really I am left with it's probably an extreme reaction to foods, and those reactions trigger into my existing condition. I will keep eyes on it though. I won't poke myself there anymore, but if I remember I will check in maybe a week and see if there is still some sensitivity then.

Since my full cheese ban and extreme chocolate control started I have seen some good changes though. I almost never have the acid issues and the the frequent grumbling of my tummy has stopped. And I have slept very deeply and restfully. I think it has been as many as 8 years since my rest has been as good as this can be. And I haven't really had to worry much about feeling sick after a few minutes of being on my right side. I can't sleep on it all night, but being on that side for up to a few hours seems fine.

But I do worry, so I will continue to ban and be mindful of what I eat. Recovery could be a very long while with my limitations.

Day 5428 - 5/12 - Feeling very sick again

Today I feel almost as bad as when I first got food poisoned. Last night my tummy felt so bad I was crying from the pain. When it settled down slightly it still grumbled and felt like it's been in knots. I don't think it's stopped feeling like that since Tuesday night. It feels like someone punched my stomach several times. I maybe have a bit of fever, and I've felt like I've had chills and been cold all day. And all I've wanted to do is lie down, but I don't know if that would be helpful. It may make me feel worse. I have barely eaten and I don't really feel hungry. I skipped breakfast, don't expect I'll want a night snack, and for food all day I've probably had a dozen bites of chicken total, maybe a dozen crackers, and half a dozen watermelon bites.

I feel very terrible and hope I get better very soon. I don't like feeling like if I throw up I'll probably feel better.

Day 5429 - 5/13 - Feeling worse

Today I kind of feel worse. I did get really good sleep last night, but my stomach still feels punched and nauseous. My tummy still hasn't stopped twisting and gurgling. And this may be dehydration, but there kind of feels like very small sharp pains in my right and left sides, a bit towards the back. I probably have some fever, and chills feelings, and probably a bit of headache. I don't know if I have had shallow breathing this whole time, but I barely notice my breathing, and at times it feels like I'm forgetting to breathe. Though I'm sure that is just weird time dilation due to everything going on with my body.

I've barely eaten or drank anything today. I ate 1/4 of a bagel for breakfast, in teeny pinch sized bites. Another 1/4 of it for lunch along with 4 slices of salami and three crackers. And throughout the rest of the day and for dinner I had the other half bagel and 2 more slices of salami. I'm kind of hungry and do have another bagel and plenty of crackers, but I don't think I'll eat anything more. I'm just too punched feeling and nauseous to feel genuinely hungry. For drinks I barely had 1/5 of one soda, 1/4 of a sport drink, though I did have a lot of water for me, probably 32 oz.

I'm definitely keeping my eyes on my symptoms, but today I feel more exhausted, less hungry, and overall still just want to lie down and rest with quiet and do nothing.

Day 5430 - 5/14 - Wolfed some fries

Today I am feeling slightly better. My tummy isn't turning all of the time, just some of it, and mostly the feelings of nausea, fever, and dizziness are gone. (Though a few times during the day there were periods they came back for a bit, but not all at once, and not all the time.) I didn't have a ton to eat. I ate about 1/3 of a doughnut I got. And throughout the day I barely ate a small lunch of 2/3 of a bagel and 6 pieces of salami, and maybe a dozen crackers. I did drink a bit more, having a full sport drink, one soda, and probably 36 oz of water. Nowhere near my normal amounts, but it's more than I have been.

Something did surprise me after leaving the library. I actually did feel hungrier and thought maybe I'd try some fast food and get maybe a small hamburger and small fries. By the time I got there my tummy decided not to chance the hamburger, but I did completely wolf down the fries, so that is something. Hopefully I'm on my way to recovering.

Hopefully I'll be better soon. And hopefully this is/was just some food poisoning and I'll be back to normal soon. But only time will tell.

Day 5431 - 5/15 - Hopefully better Monday

Today hopefully I can be mostly better and not feeling sick. I expect I will probably skip breakfast, but hopefully I will have a regular lunch and dinner. I maybe will have a dessert snack, but I bet I will skip a during the day snack. I think I should be mostly better, but my appetite seems like it is being slow to return.

I've actually really been wanting strawberries since Thursday, but the store hasn't had any pre-cut ones, and the boxed ones don't look great. For some reason they have sounded like something my tummy would actually want to eat.

Hopefully I'll be feeling a bit better today, and all the way better soon.

Day 5431 - 5/16 - Maybe mid-term

Today I may do my online class mid-term. It may not unlock until later in the week. I'm not sure. Hopefully I can have a restful day, and hopefully will be almost or completely better from my poisoning.

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