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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 15: Digital life, dreaming of a real one

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 15 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 781

Day 5461 - 6/14 - No ink / Passed lasagna test

Today had a panic moment. I went to start work on my final (which I'm leaving in the classroom to keep safe) and right when I started my pen had no ink. Yikes! Thankfully the professor had one I could borrow. It's probably only a couple of dollars so I can get another over the weekend.

I also passed the lasagna test pretty easily. I had an expected reaction like I did before any of the recent pains had happened, so maybe indeed things reset after what seemed like food poisoning. Or maybe there was a blockage of some kind in my system that passed, but either way I will stop my constant worrying and downgrade it to mild tracking. I'll have maybe one 'big' cheese thing per week and then recover before more and I guess like before it should be fine. It's maybe the constant little things that I have to worry about more than a big thing that causes constant exposure and maybe wears my resistance down. I don't know, but I'll try to not worry anymore.

That was really it for the day. I had fun in class. I was a bit extra hungry, but I think I'll manage ok. I'm still pretty tired, but a lot of my focus seems to have come back. (I did have 2 pepsi yesterday, a first since the poisoning, so maybe that helped increase alertness.) But I try to continue to hang on and hope I'll be ok.

Day 5462 - 6/15 - Tired of blurry

Today I am tired of my eyes being blurry all the time. I think I'll probably call my eye doctor and ask if maybe the prescription is too low. It's like everything past about 5 feet away is blurry. So all the people I see, anything when I'm looking past my laptop, it's all not clear. I think he may be erring on the side of too weak because I use my computer a lot, but I'd rather risk screen headaches than have things always blurry when I look up.

I guess my day was pretty ok other than that. I'm still very tired, but I had fun playing my games. And I only had a little bit of school stuff to do, so mostly I just relaxed. I guess it was a pretty good day.

Day 5463 - 6/16 - Sniffles

Today was pretty good. I played and had fun and things were pretty peaceful, quiet, and stable. I was pretty sniffly though. I still don't know if it's allergies or a cold.

My tummy has been pretty upset at the hot dogs I made to eat today. They are the fanciest ones, so I guess I'm just done with preparing hot dogs to eat later. Sure, it's less grumbly than the cheaper ones, but having that feeling for up to a few hours after eating one isn't great.

I guess all in all today was ok though.

Day 5464 - 6/17 - Sneezy day

Today is a very sneezy and sniffly day. I was worried a few times when I was sneezing several times in a row, but there weren't really people around me, so it was fine.

I did spend time with my guild in my MMO, so that was fun. I watched part of a movie that I'd forgotten about, so that was good too.

I guess today was pretty good, but there was much sneezing and sniffling and at one point I felt a bit hot from it, so that wasn't the best. But, overall today was pretty good.

Day 5465 - 6/18 - Unexpected guildies

Today I did some unexpected stuff with some guildies in my MMO which was pretty fun. Then I did some other stuff, and queued for a random dungeon and apparently got matched with another guildie. It was crazy they recognized me, and that we both had queued randomly in the same probably 5 second window and got matched together. So that was pretty fun.

That was really the highlights for the day. My tummy still seems back to normal, as I had a single pizza slice last night and was fine. My eyes are still annoyingly blurry all the time, so I really think the prescription must be off. It's bothering me so much because I'm kind of claustrophobic, and so the constant blur is causing a bit of panic to set in since it feels like I'm trapped, even though I know it's just everything is blurry. I have an appointment for Friday.

I guess all in all it was a pretty calm day.

Day 5466 - 6/19 - Hopefully ok holiday

Today I hope it will be an ok holiday. Things are closed, so I'll have to be outside of the library. I should be reasonably warm, so that should be good. But as with all outside days I'll probably only have 2/3 of my regular online time, maybe even only half. But all I can do is try my best to enjoy what I have and hopefully I can hang on ok.

Day 5467 - 6/20 - Last Tuesday class

Today will be the last Tuesday class before the final next week. It feels exciting to almost be summer and have a bit of a break again, but also fearful, as I feel no closer to a job than when I started. And what if there are no more classes I can take in September to keep financial aid off my back?

All I can do is try my best to hang on, try to enjoy what I can, and hope for the best choices I can have living this terrible one day at a time life.

Week 782

Day 5468 - 6/21 - Better eyes

Today my eyes are being better. Things 10-15 feet away still aren't in clear focus though. It's not as bad as blurry only 5-10 feet from me, but still I wonder if the prescription is off. The appointment is Friday, so I'll know soon enough. Oddly my right eye blind spot is improving. I can actually read this text pretty well closing my left eye, so I don't think any blurriness is from them fighting each other on a focal point.

It was the last day to work on my final in class. I might like to work on it more, but it is too big to safely carry around with me. The cubist figure is pretty good for a first real attempt at it, though I think the smaller test piece I did is a bit better proportioned. It's strange to think that class is effectively over now.

I'm still very sniffly and sneezy, so that is still going on and feels weird. I guess it's not messing me up other than that though.

Today was pretty calm and restful though, and I had fun in class. Though some of the other students are way better than me, so I still question if this is the right path and how I'd ever be hired up against such others.

Day 5469 - 6/22 - Sleepy day

Today is a pretty sleepy day. I took a pretty leisurely shower in the morning because I was so sleepy, then never really woke up. I guess it doesn't matter. I had about 1 hour of school stuff that I did and then the rest of the day was just relaxing with games and shows. I'm almost done with school stuff too. I have some stuff to get ready for the final, but that is about it.

Hopefully the weekend will be pretty restful and maybe I won't feel so sleepy.

Day 5470 - 6/23 - Blaming sugar

Today I had my visit with the eye doc. In good news we just chatted and he didn't charge me. But I guess from my description, especially since today when I went it was the clearest vision day in months, variable vision like that is usually not a prescription issue. His guess is that it might be a blood sugar related issue - specifically something like diabetes. Which that seems unlikely since I checked that maybe 5 years ago and I was right in the middle of normal in terms of sugar levels. However, these last couple of months I have gone through some pretty big diet changes. There was the cheese ban, the almost complete chocolate ban, and the recent complete stop of Pepsi, which has changed to be about 1-2 per day (with the rest being other sodas.) So it's possible there was some shifting of things there.

But it seems odd. On an average day where I have class, between getting up and going to class I've had a doughnut, probably 1 soda, and whatever I had for lunch, all within about a 3 hour window. So being short on sugar with that mix of raw and refined sugars seems unlikely. I suppose, and this is his fear, that I may have some kind of imbalance that needs to be fixed with medicine, as apparently imbalance with blood sugar can cause a part of the eye to swell up, making it impossible to correctly focus vision.

He said the checks like blood work should be free with my coverage, though any visit is a minimum of $25, so that would add up very quickly even with free testing (if that is true.) I guess I should look into it, but I don't know how easy it will be to find someone, nor how long it will take, with everything going on. And I'm still absolutely terrified to go to a hospital for any reason these days.

I guess that is good news, but it means control is really completely out of my hands. Unless I just do things that are totally random like pound sodas and track when I have what and see if X affects vision in a positive way.

All I can do for now is try to mentally keep track of things, and hope I'm ok, and if I do have it checked out that it's cheap, quick, and easy.

Day 5471 - 6/24 - Brain doesn't remember

Today I am pretty exhausted. I didn't sleep for about 2-3 hours last night, so I'm super tired. My brain doesn't remember the day. My body did things on automatic. I know I had some fun with guildies in my MMO for a bit. I played my new game in the afternoon for a bit, which I haven't done as much as I originally expected I would. And I watched a show.

I guess my day was pretty basic and restful. Though I was worried for a bit when someone was sitting at my table for a few hours constantly blowing her nose and sniffling. But I guess overall the day was pretty good.

Day 5472 - 6/25 - Another forgotten day

Today was another forgotten day. I mean, sure, I remember playing in my MMO, taking a break for part of a show and lunch, playing my new game, then watching more show, but nothing really stood out in my memory.

I am still very exhausted. I don't know why, but again I lost a couple of hours of sleep last night, and then had some bad, and I suppose good, dreams.

My time today was pretty good and calm, and I had fun, so I guess overall it was pretty good.

Day 5473 - 6/26 - Monday of nothing

Today will be mostly a day with nothing specific to do. I have what will probably be an hour of school stuff to get ready for a final, and then nothing else of importance. After that I'm free for the summer, so it will likely be a day of mostly trying to rest and relax with the usual job searching. Hopefully it will be a good day.

Day 5474 - 6/27 - Probably not a final

Today I don't think the final will be up for the online class. I think it's effectively counted as a Tuesday/Thursday class even though it's online and can be done whenever after posting. So the test probably won't be up until Thursday. If it is then it should be pretty quick and easy to do. I think for this person's class before, and the mid-terms, it's only taken about 30 minutes.

Hopefully I can have a good and restful day and maybe be recovering some of the lost sleep.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2022
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)
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