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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 2: Rise of teh Bunnah

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Week 87

Day 603 - 2/24 - -2 Homeless

It's just after 3. I'm sooooo tired and hungry. I'm hungry enough I could eat dinner now. I can't though because it's too early. I'm having a snack now.

I lost another 15% or so of one tooth last night. That's about the third major chunk lost on a tooth since my homelessness started. I'll try to cut down on soda and increase tooth brushing, but it is more than likely too little too late. Hopefully I won't lose too much more before I have the income/coverage to cover it.

Some dummy bumped me this morning; shocked me awake. It was on my tire, no harm done, but now I've only gotten about 6-7 hours of sleep because I was all scared awake and mad (since this is the second time in such short a while.)

I can has regular sleepover at C&H's. I can do laundry there for teh free on Monday, which means that just about negates the gas cost to get there (but not the repairs for wear and tear.) I'll go over Thursdays too, so that's minus two nights of homelessness. Now I'm spending fewer nights displaced than in a place, as this make it now five of seven days I'm staying in a protected area. Only the time at C&H's is in a warm place that I can sleep inside, but at least it's a start. As long as my car doesn't asplode from extra driving I'm good to go.

My stupid book hasn't come for my assignment yet either, so that is on hold now. I've got a test coming up that I should be studying for, but I'm sooooo tired today my brain can't think at all.

I guess that's it for now. I should probably go and try and study.

Day 604 - 2/25 - Tooooo late

It's way too late in the nighttime, like after 2:30 AM. I had a good time with C&H. The day overall went very quick. I slept until 12:30, likely due to my still having sniffles and coughing, then did a quick shopping trip, picked up a movie at the ex-house, gamed for an hour, then drove over to C&H's place.

I didn't really have time to do school stuff or job stuff. I can maybe do that tomorrow. I'll be staying here for a bit in the morning, so we'll see how tomorrow goes. In here in the spare mostly fur-free room my allergies are minimal, but everywhere else they get me after a while. I may have a tough time lasting more than 6 hours without an inhaler. I've had to use my one I have each time I've been there.

One school project is just about ready to be finished. I need to pick up something for it, which I may or may not have time to do tomorrow. Another I may be screwed on due to waiting too long (not my fault really, as I had to wait for others.) Hopefully I'll be able to do ok on that one or get an extention.

'Night peeps.

Day 605 - 2/26 - I can has

It's nearing 5:45 at mini work. I spent the day with H. Last night we all watched a movie together, then C had to do some homework. She has to work during the day so H and I mostly messed around with something, then I took him to trade out a rented movie for a game he wanted to get.

I was/am pretty allergic to their place. I drank about eight sodas in my time there, which is beyond double my normal amount. In the future I'll have to see if there is another way to combat my allergies, like decongestants or antihistamines. I couldn't sleep until about 4 AM, so the higher than usual caffeine level may have had something to do with that.

They said I can stay Monday and Thursday nights and do laundry and stuff as needed, so I can has sort of a normal life some days.

The book to do one school assignment came in, but school is kind of out of the way from C&H's so I didn't go pick it up. I should be fine though. I need to study for a test on Tuesday is the big thing that I may forget.

That's all for now really. No job or other fun stuff to report that's new. Bye for now.

Day 606 - 2/27 - Late night Saturday

Not much interesting or new today to read about. I spent the day with the not-sis and her kids. I was supposed to take them places but they wound up not doing that. Late in the evening the not-sis and I stayed up watching True Blood. That's really it.

Day 607 - 2/28 - Late night Sunday

Another day with the not-sis and her kids. They did stuff in the morning, so I got to spend several hours alone with my PS3. The not-sis hasn't been sleeping at night, so today she has spent half the day sleeping (as she did yesterday too.) It's nearing 6:30 and she's been asleep since about 2. Hopefully she will get up soon to cook the dinner they planned 'cause I'm getting hungry.

Some downloadable content I bought isn't working. I have a feeling the boy did something he wasn't supposed to, but it's possible it is related to my hard drive being full. It's been giving me space warnings, so I need to upgrade it. The PS3 can do that, and I've already got a hard drive picked out, but it will cost $50 so that is extremely low priority right now. I suppose it's possible the PS3 network is down. I couldn't connect to the main page through my PC either. (Edit: On 3/1 it was reported that there was a bug with the older PS3 that caused network and downloaded content failures. This was apparently fixed.)

I don't know how the rest of the evening will go, but hopefully it won't be boring. The kids have been playing on my system for about 4 hours straight and with the not-sis asleep I'm effectively a passive babysitter with little to do once I've done my online stuff. Since they don't play games like older kids they tend to drive me a bit insane if I watch them. (They repeatedly do things they don't need to do, don't find alternate ways around levels, rarely attempt different levels or ways of doing things, etc.)

Time passes

C&H have said I could maybe stay at their place if I didn't mind sharing the room. I will probably talk to them about changing my stay to Monday, leaving Tuesday afternoon, Wednesday night (arriving after class), Thursday day and evening, and leaving Friday afternoon. More stays would eat up too much gas I think as I have mini work Monday morning and Friday night, and class on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings.

That's all I can think of for now. K thx bye.

Day 608 - 3/1 - Goin' to C&H's

I'm at mini work and today will go a bit differently than it has. After work I have to scoot off to school to get some books I need to work on a couple of projects. I won't do laundry until I get to C&H's place. I have to stop at the store to get food. I'm cooking dinner tonight ; partly because I have guilt about them spending like $60 for Chinese food last week. (They really can't afford to spend that much on dinners.)

I'll only have a small window to do other things like email and board checking before I get to C&H's, so that may need to wait until later tonight.

I guess that's it for now. I'm a bit sleepy. What was a warm morning has turned chilly and gray. It isn't raining, but it did last weekend and it's looking like it will again.

Bye for now.

Day 609 - 3/2 - People love me

I got lots of surprises at C&H's last night. When I got there H showed me how they'd cleared/set up their guest/computer room for me. It is now super allergy free, and there is a futon couch in there that folds out into a bed. (It had previously been in the garage.) After dinner they took me out shopping with them and bought me a little bit of foods and some shorts (which hopefully it will be warm enough to start using soon.) They also got special non-animal fur sheets for the guest bed. They insisted on getting two tiny bunnies for me too, hehe. They said I could basically stay there anytime I needed, but with my schedule the way it is now gas cost would kill me going back and forth all the time. (It's $6-7 a trip there and back.) The current schedule is for me to stay Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights. They love me and want to take care of me until I'm better again.

It was so strange laying flat and sleeping on a bed, doubly so since I could lay on my front. I haven't been in a real bed for over a year and a half. It took a while to get settled to sleep as my back was actually hurting a bit from being able to rest flat properly. I've been scrunched up for so long that I've gotten used to being in cramped up sitting positions.

I was supposed to study for tonight's test and work on a project for tomorrows class but I've been so exhausted I can barely think straight. I don't know if that is from being unable to sleep right away last night or from having my first real rest in over a year and a half.

Well, I should at least try and study a bit. I've got less than 2 hours before my test. At least a few peeps love me for sure and want to try and help me recover. I may finally have a real start at recovery.

Bye for now.

Time passes

I spoke with the professor who I owe a big project to. She said it's ok for me to turn it in whenever I get a chance to since I'm in my terrible situation. I mentioned that I was talking about it on my site and published it in an online form and she seemed genuinely interested in checking it out. She seemed genuinely concerned that I was ok in terms of food and shelter and all, so that's good to hear too. I know pretty much all of my professors do, but that they are also restricted in what they can offer without things being 'weird' in terms of looking like favortism of some sort. She seemed genuinely concerned though, both for me as a person and for me as me. That's always good to hear. She's pretty cute and attractive too, hehe, but married, heh. Still, it's always good to hear from more (people) than just those who have known me for a while are worried about my recovery.

Week 88

Day 610 - 3/3 - Moving the movies

It's just past 4:15; so hungry a me. I'm nomming dinner early. I will be nibbling at it over the next 1.5 hours instead of nomming it straight.

I have to work on this big project for class. I've been working on it for the past two hours and it will probably take 1/2 hour more. Hopefully I'll do ok on it since I got the book too late to do it as completely as I was supposed to.

On my way to C&H's I'm going to take a detour to the ex-house. I've decided to just take my two tubs over that have my movies and leave them there. I'd either be watching movies there or at the not-sis' place, and since the child at C&H's is mostly not there when I am I figure there will be more adult movie watching there. At the not-sis' the children have to be outside or asleep to watch non-children appropriate stuff, which is only a very small portion of my visit time usually. Hopefully too I can do a magic trick for C&H. After messing around and running some research I've discovered the current way they have their stuff set up forces 2.1 sound instead of the full 5.1 they should be getting. I think I've come up with a workaround so that at least the PS3 will be outputting actual 5.1 Dolby sound since that's what we'd be watching movies with that should help delay the need to upgrade their receiver (which they could do for about $300 but they don't really have the money for that at the moment.)

Nothing interesting in online news or boards. No jobs to apply to, I even checked job listings near C&H.

It's been pouring rain. I guess that started around 2 AM. When I checked in the morning not only had my car pool gotten full, but there was about 1/2" of rain pooled on that side. I would have taken a picture but I just wanted to hurry and move to the shelter of school and get it cleared out and back to sleep. I didn't want to be in the rain any longer than necessary.

I suppose I'm ok emotionally, exhausted physically, but I'm still very sad about my life. I'm still barely eeking by on minimum income with no real flexibility to speak of. Any flexibility tends to come at gift times or by people donating (which I haven't gotten in probably 8 or more months. The most recent donation was during Xmas, but that was a gift and shouldn't be counted as a normal donation.)

Guess that's all for now. K thx bye.

Day 611 - 3/4 - Up too late again

Again it's much too late in the morning time, at about 1:45 AM. C&H had some shopping to do, so that kind of delayed the whole evening.

I've had bumps and itchiness pretty much everywhere for about a month now. I think I finally figured out that it's a higher level reaction to all of the animals I'm around lately. I suppose though if that is the reason that it's a decent trade for what was reduced breathing and sneezing. C&H are also de-allergifying their house as much as they can, so that helps too.

Yesterday when I arrived I discovered that my shower bin had filled with water. I guess some rain had leaked in there probably Tuesday night. I knew the rains flooded the front area but I didn't notice the back. I was going to take a shower Wednesday when I arrived at C&H's and when I went to pick up the plastic shower bin I heard a 'sploosh' as the water spilled out. Since it was dark it wasn't until I shined the flashlight in back there that I discovered that the bin was full of water. Today I looked around and dried things out as best as I could. The bin was dried last night, and with the warm (dry) weather today it should be fine now. I also got some duct tape they had at the house and patched up some tears (on the back plastic cover) and extended the corners, so hopefully there won't be any rear leaks in the future. I don't know when I'll get a break in the rain long enough to see about getting the front window re-seated though.

No job, school, or fun news of interest to report, so I'll be heading off to bed. It is still so strange to be in a real bed after so long of not. Last night I again had trouble sleeping due to pain in my back and other parts being able to stretch out and relax properly. It's kind of like when you have sat in a chair too long, get up, and things hurt when you go back to normal. I suppose part of it is getting old and I should stretch in general *sigh*. I've noticed when I get up from C&H's couch my back doesn't do well, but then it has no lower back support and I need that or my back does poorly.

Anyways, off to bed for me, a real bed.

Day 612 - 3/5 - The key

It's just after 4:45, nearly mini work time. I can't go in early (as I have lately) because there are middle schoolers in there.

I had a good day today; not a good for homeless day, an actual good day. Due to getting into bed kinda late last night I slept pretty late; all the way until my alarm went off at just after 11. We had to get ready to take H to his son's school as he does an art thing with the class on Fridays. (He only has his son some of the time as he had him with an ex.) Before leaving he gave me a key to their place. I can has key and hang out alone in the not home (not counting the two doggies and two kitties and other animals that are there.) After dropping him off I went back and had lunch while watching a silly fluff show. I ran some research for them on what recievers to upgrade to. Their current one has no HDMI inputs and the HDTV they are running them to only outputs sound in 2.1. I think I mentioned that and that I did a workaround for the PS3 sound. They were like 'ooooh! ' when they heard how much more uber the real surround sound was on their system (as opposed to the receiver faking the 2.1 info into 5.1.) So now H is kind of pressing to get a new receiver so their Xbox 360 and digital cable can also have the good sound. After my research I played my game for a bit and just watched some TV.

I'm still super groggy though. I don't know if it's from staying up too late or from my body finally really catching up on rest now that I have a bed and a room a few nights a week. My brain is running on almost total automatic. I'm having just about zero logical or creative thoughts today (that aren't paths I normally think along.)

I got an email from a rabb1t peep saying she was happy for my start of my recovery and looking forward to my next (happy) update posting. Also, during my game I pointed someone to my site for a chart and they were like, 'are you that rabb1t?' and I was all, 'yup '. They said they loved my site. I was like yeeeaaa.

So, pretty good day so far; got to sleep in a bed, got to play my game somewhere that I had a strong connection with no lag locks, got to be in a house alone like a real person with a real life, and found some peeps that appreciated what I do. Being here at mini work isn't too bad either. As I've mentioned before, for somewhere that is a not-career job it's pretty ok.

I'll be going to the not-sis' tonight for the weekend, so that should be good too. I don't have a bed there, but they are good peeps, and if it doesn't rain I'm usually warm and comfortable enough.

That's all for now. Out of chat time and my brain isn't really working. Bye for now.

Time passes

It's so strange having two not homes I spend time at. On any other night with a normal life I'd be looking forward to going home to my bed after my shift with my stuff in my room, but now... now my life is fractured. Part of me is here, part of me is there, and part of me over there. I'm transitioning away from what and where I was to something new. It's strange, different, and unfamiliar. I'm glad for the change and that maybe recovery is finally beginning, but I can't help but feel sad that what will be me in the end will not be who I was when I began.

Time will tell if the new me can truly be happy and will find a home that is my own, in a place that I belong, not just a temporary place lent to me. But for now I feel fractured and scattered in different directions not knowing if I will ever be whole again.

Day 613 - 3/6 - Getting ready to play

Not much special or new today. I got a few hours to play my games today at the not-sis' place while the kids were out doing a skating thing. I got an invite to the StarCraft 2 beta, woot! I'm seeing if I can set up my desktop at C&H's to play games there.

Um... that's all.

Day 614 - 3/7 - Looking for a monitor

I tried installing the StarCraft 2 beta on my netbook to see if it exploded and it kind of did. It runs (surprisingly) at the very lowest resolution settings at a very slow 1 FPS or less. I'll have to play from my desktop. It seems my friend/ex-roomie thinks they got rid of my old semi-broken CRT, and the not-sis' family has my monitor, so I'll have to find an alternate monitor before I can play at C&H's. Saaaddd me. If/when I can get my desktop set up though I'll be able to do any gaming I want again (limited by times that I can get to my system.)

That's all the real news for today. It's a pretty quiet day at the not-sis'. The children are being told to clean, so I've been pretty free to do whatever. I tried one game of the StarCraft 2 beta but it runs too slow to really play. I'll likely just continue searching for a cheap monitor and maybe watch some shows online.

Bye for now.

Day 615 - 3/8 - Time to play

It's nearly noon at mini work. Today is the craziest weather ever. It's pouring rain one minute then not and windy the next. We aren't used to getting this kind of weather on this coast. It's sad because it was pretty warmish and sunny on the weekend.

Today should be a good day. After work I'll go pick up foods for cooking tonight at C&H's and then I'll pick up my desktop. It will be really strange to be on my desktop again. I expect it will take a while to get used to the keyboard and higher resolution again. Of course the first thing I'll do is install StarCraft 2. Later I'll update World of Warcraft, and tonight before bed I'll probably install Mass Effect which I got almost a year ago and haven't been able to play yet.

I'm very tempted to pick up Dragon Age and Mass Effect 2 but I still need to get to the point where I have money for my eye exam. I think what I have saved may have been drained at this point due to getting too low of paychecks lately. I'll know more once I get my next paycheck and look over things on Thursday. It will be a bit more than usual due to an unexpected shift, but I think I'll only have about half or less of what I need for my eye exam. I'm running out of time for that as I'm on my last contacts now. My eye doc will bill me and I can pay up to a month or more after I do it if I need to, but I hate to do that.

That's it so far. Should be the start of a good week what with sleeping in a bed at C&H's.

Day 616 - 3/9 - Adjustments

I'm so tired. It's nearing 5:30; one hour until class. I thought about not coming. It's a decent drive from C&H's and I've got a headache. We are watching some kind of video and have to talk about group projects, so I thought I should really be here.

I slept pretty good at C&H's last night in the bed. It did still take about 1.5 hours before I could settle down enough to sleep, so that was sad, but I slept in until about 11 so it was ok.

The adjustments to semi-life are strange. I forgot a piece of last night's dinner. I forgot to bring in my contact case from the car last night, so I had to go out to get it. I forgot I wanted to bring my shower stuff in from the car. I forgot the pie sometimes spills over when it's cooking. My desktop system is getting a place in C&H's so that's happy. It is going much slower than I expected though as they are using me as a test piece for that area. They'd been considering setting up some space there for desktop gaming or guest console play so I'm sort of in limbo while they decide what kind of monitor to set up and set up the desk they want in that area. It's ok though as it allows me to ease in to the idea that I can go back to playing my PC or console games that I want to play - it's only a matter of if I can afford to get them. Such thoughts seem as foreign as sleeping in a bed to me now. Plus I'm a guest peep, so while I have spaces being created and set aside for me I have to wait until those form in the way the peeps who live there want and in their control to be non-disruptive to them. Within a week or so I should be settled in, but as per everything else in my life I will still be enjoying past elements of my life differently.

Things certainly aren't bad now. I have friends to hang out with. I have movies again. I will soon have unrestricted access to my games yet it won't be on my monitor or with my sound setup as I'm used to.

H had I guess a minor seizure today. He has, I think, epilepsy. I knew he could have them and heard about them but hadn't yet seen it happen when I've been over before. He was handing me something then kind of slumped partly onto the couch and had a few twitchy parts. I moved him fully onto the couch so his parts could relax, but I was like, 'eek, what do I do? How do I help?' That would be so sad and strange. I have no control over my life but he sometimes has no control over his body. I can't imagine what that would be like but I would assume it would be pretty scary until you've gotten used to it. Hopefully I helped him in a good way by moving him to the couch and giving him some comfort knowing that I was there. I like to help.

On my way over to school I grabbed a few bits of my PC speaker system and stopped at a PC parts store to get a longer network cable. Tomorrow the video cable should arrive at C&H's and, in theory, we could temporarily hook the system up to their big HDTV. I wouldn't get much chance to play as it would take over their screen but it will work for the time being until they decide what to do with a screen for the desktop area.

I checked job boards and skimmed a few fun boards earlier, but there was nothing to write home about.

Well, I'm likely so tired this is just rambling at this point, so I'll go. That's probably it for this week. Sort of baby steps towards recovery. Maybe the sub-title of "rise of teh bunnah" will indeed be an ok title for book two. Though sadly I doubt I'll be recovered enough to close the story by the end of the second year. Bye for now.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2010
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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