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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 2: Rise of teh Bunnah

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Week 95

Day 659 - 4/21 - Half a wheel

It's a little before class. I went to complain about the wheel and, not surprisingly, the dealer claimed he, and the person who bought the car and brought it to them to sell, did not notice any of the damage I pointed out and claim that it's my fault. They agreed to pay half of the wheel replacement cost ($35), but it will still cost me nearly $75 to replace it, if that's all that is wrong. Hopefully the wobbliness will stop once I fix that, as it seems almost completely gone when the tire is full of air.

I couldn't do a project I need to for class. We have to find child books and there simply aren't any here. That means that every week on Monday I'll have to burn the time I would be reading doing that, or I'll have to spend time going to one. I really don't think it's fair to require reading and a weekly project that takes several hours to do for an Associate's level class. That's just too much work at that level. Back when I did my first Associates there wasn't nearly that much work required.

Bleh, sad day today.

It's raining again too. It goes between pouring rain and being kind of clear. I like the rain but today it just seems to make everything more blah.

Day 660 - 4/22 - Music

It's sort of late, but early for going to sleep for me these days. It's about when I'd normally try and sleep if I had a choice. C&H are going on vacation so they are in bed super early and everything is quiet. I'll have quiet for five more nights too. Though, I won't get to sleep in a whole lot unfortunately. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I have to get up and go to work, so half of the days I could sleep in without them I have to get up early.

Tonight I found out my favorite band never really stopped making music. I haven't looked for music in a lifetime, I just don't listen to it so it was cool to see they are still doing it and it still sounds cool.

Tomorrow will be a busy day. I have to do some food shopping and have to leave early to do that wheel thing. I got paid today but - not counting gifts for C&H - the money is already gone. I got World of Goo and Iron Man for me, but not counting my self gifts the rest of the money has to go to bill things and the car fix. Hopefully that will fix the problems, or at least remove the air leak so I don't have to worry about that. I spent today trying to relax, particularly since I always have worries like the car, or school, or looking for a job. I have to try and do all the overdue school projects Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I'm trying to do them at work but my focus may be limited. It will be roughly 10 hours I should have for doing said projects so hopefully it will be enough. I'd hate to have to use some of my time I'd have alone in the house to do school stuff. Granted I will be able to focus a lot better with just animals here, but I'd rather have that alone time to try and relax and be alone and balance out some physically and emotionally.

Well, I should try and sleep. Night peeps.

Day 661 - 4/23 - Dumb wheel

At the tire place now waiting for them to do the wheel. I suppose the good news is that these guys completely agreed that it is a wheel issue and that the tire should be fine. They have a test they can do for teh free, so they will do that to be sure. The bad news is that's about $75 which I really wasn't planning to spend. I wasn't planning to spend anything on the car for quite a while to be honest.

I guess I feel ok and somewhat happy other than that. I got up around my (old) regular time of 10:30. The doggies woke me up twice though to go out. I guess it's good they did instead of pooping inside or whatever. I played World of Goo for about an hour, went shopping for fud, got the lizard some worms to nom, played God of War 3 for about 1/2 hour and now I'm here.

I got a movie for tonight but I really need to try and do school projects, so I'll watch just that one during my shift and then try and do school projects the rest of the time. I'm super tired so hopefully I'll at least do one or two assignments.

I have a funny feeling along the back of my throat, like I've got a coughing throat cold or something. I think I have been sneezing lately, so it is possible. That might be why I seem extra tired too.

Well, my day is my day. I suppose all I can do is try to make the best of it.

Day 662 - 4/24 - An (old-school) normal Saturday night

It's way too early at mini work. I'm so sleepy. I probably only got about 5 hours of sleep. I had a hard time getting to sleep for some reason, then at like 3:30 the dogs woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep for like an hour. I had to get up before 7:45 to come here, so I didn't sleep for much longer when I did fall asleep. At least next weekend I'm back to regular hours and can sleep in on weekends again.

I got about half way through the biggest overdue project yesterday, so hopefully I can at least finish that during my shift. I'll have one more big one then about three little ones to get caught up on all the overdue stuff.

Tonight I'll be able to have my first (old-school) normal Saturday night in nearly two years. I don't know if there is anything new to get to watch but I've got over half a dozen movies I've gotten while homeless that I could check. It will be so nice to play my games and watch movies at times and volumes I like without distractions.

I may have to take a nap when I get back. Sooooo tired. I don't normally nap though. It tends to just mess me up when trying to sleep, plus for some reason it is actually very difficult to get my body to nap.

I guess I'll start my day. I hope everyone is having a trouble free life filled with laughter and love.

Day 663 - 4/25 - No more towels as blankets

It's mini work time. I was actually zonked out for nearly an hour and a half because noone was scheduled to be here. I still don't understand why the building is open and all if noone is scheduled... anyways.

It would be nice to see the beautiful blond. She makes me feel happy inside. But I doubt I'll ever see her again unless I track down where she normally is at this time to say hi. If I were younger I probably would, but if my guess is right there is too big of an age difference. I keep hoping my sweetie is out there somewhere and I just have to find her.

Last night I took the towels off the bed. I'd been using them as blankets, but I have plenty of blankets. It's odd to think that I'd just kept using them out of habit from when I was sleeping in my car. You'd normally never think to use towels as blankets. It still feels like I may be putting them back in the car to sleep on any given day. What with putting the bed away each day and putting all my blankets away I still feel like I'm hiding, like instead of hiding that I'm sleeping in my car I'm hiding that I'm sleeping at C&H's. I know I'm indeed not living there, but still. It would be nice to feel like I belonged somewhere. While I do have a place to sleep for now my journey's end seems to still be nowhere in sight.

Day 664 - 4/26 - Too much driving day

Today will be too much driving day. Instead of going straight to school after mini work I'll be going back to C&H's to check on the animals. That will double the number of miles for today. I suppose it will be ok, but still, yikes.

I got all my overdue school stuff done yesterday. It took until 7 at night though. I did have some time for fun after, so that was good.

Guess that's all for today. Bye peeps.

Day 665 - 4/27 - Vacation almost over

Today has been a pretty good day so far. It's late afternoon, not quite evening. I played some games, did some laundry, did some floor cleaning, did job searching, and did some homework. There are a few assignments I still need to do but I'll have to go to the library tomorrow to do them.

I still have more time in the day for show watching and more play, so yeeeaaa.

C&H's vacation is almost over. They come back tomorrow night, so my quite private time is almost over. It was nice to have a normal life again. Maybe from now forward I can be a bit more balanced, despite still being displaced.

Week 96

Day 666 - 4/28 - Transitions of old

It's sleepy time, but I haven't written for today yet. I had a pretty good day. I've been feeling kinda bleh lately so I decided to pass on driving to school and doing school projects. I just rested. I don't really feel sick, but I've got a tiredness, ringing ears, and icky digestive system, so I just didn't feel like driving and doing school today. I'll do school projects tomorrow or Friday.

I checked jobs, checked boards, and since C&H were still out on vacation most of the day I also got to play some console gaming. They noticed the gifts a bit after they got here and were like 'whuuuttt? ' I was like, 'that's how I roll. ' They brought a cute bunny with them back from Vegas. He's tiny and cute. He's one of the littler types, so he won't get much bigger.

Today I also transitioned my site back to my desktop, well most of it. I'd not moved it back because I was just thinking of using my desktop for gaming, but I was getting tired of it taking so much longer on my netbook. I still have Epic Fail on the netbook though, so some files will go back and forth. But updates are so much easier and faster on the desktop.

I played the beta of StarCraft 2 a lot today. I really doubt I'll play online come release though. I lost all but one game. It's not that I don't get the strats, I do, but for whatever reason people always build faster / better and I get beaten. I've no doubt I'd win like 85% of the time if structures were even and there was no resource gathering. I'm just no good at these kinds of competitive games. I'd actually forgotten that. I'm much better, and much prefer, cooperative games like WoW. I think I'll be looking forward to Diablo 3 way more than StarCraft 2. In fact, if StarCraft 2 is going to launch soon, like within about three months, I may just wait and buy it later. Since I have little to no interest in being continually beaten I may just put it on lower priority since there are other more important single player games I'm interested in.

My ankle seems to be getting worse. My poor ankle feels... bad(?) much of the time now. I had a thought though - it may not be caused by the accident at all. It could indeed be genetics. But not genetics in the sense of 'it has been slowly getting more and more off throughout my life', but that it is a ganglion. I had one in my wrist when I was like 10, and my mom had them often. I'd completely forgotten about that. I suppose since it is happening in a squishy cartilage part of my ankle - which is very similar to my wrist part where it happened before - that could be the case. That would potentially be very good news, as the 'cure' for early ganglions (at least back in the day) was to whang it with a book to break up the bits. Now don't worry, I won't go whanging on my ankle because of this theory, but it may give me the courage to call and find help. I'd previously been procrastinating a lot because I fear them telling me it's inoperable and will only get worse and worse in time.

Well, I guess that's it for today. I feel pretty good despite being almost completely out of money and my life being the disaster that it is.

Day 667 - 4/29 - Altered plans

It's just past 5:30 at mini work. Someone needed me to cover for them and since I need the money I said I would. Although I had planned to relax and do nothing specific today, those plans got changed.

I'm so tired. Not a sleepy tired, but an emotional and physical tired. Maybe I do have a cold that I'm fighting off. I slept about 10 hours, but I still feel pretty exhausted and have had a headache most of the day.

I decided to do my library stuff tomorrow before it gets too late in the afternoon. Had I known I was coming here sooner I'd have done it today. I can still do most of one project, so that's ok. I'm sure the shift will pass quickly enough.

I guess that's really it for today. The day just seems like a big blur. I did board stuff, played a game or two, watched a show, and that was really it. I only had a few hours at the house before I had to come here.

It was strange; now that C&H are back I am automatically wearing headphones. They'd gone out to the store and it was a good 10 minutes before I thought to take my headphones off and use my regular speakers. How quickly I forget the things I can do when left alone in the house.

Day 668 - 4/30 - Dumb school projects

Nothing special today I suppose. I slept quite a bit, likely due to the cold I'm fighting. I had to go to the library to get books for some dumb school projects that I need to do. It took up most of the time I had before mini work. Now I'm here and I didn't get to do much besides that. I suppose though I'll have plenty of time for playing and stuff this weekend though since I've got no work and did my dumb school projects now. I don't know if I'll see the not-sis tomorrow or not though due to feeling kinda icky. I guess we'll see.

Guess that's it for tonight.

Day 669 - 5/1 - Another fun Saturday

It's 'early' sleeping time for me. It's earlier than normal because C&H and their little one are out camping so I have had their place to myself for half the day and will likely have it until early evening tomorrow.

I did spend about 1/2 hour on school stuff, but the rest of the day I had fun playing games. I'd have liked to have played WoW, but my subscription ran out a few days ago. I don't have the spare money for it so that will have to wait until Thursday when I get paid again. Instead I spent a lot of time playing StarCraft 2, which again I mostly lost. I also started doing Wii Fit while C&H were out, so I did some of that again today. I will probably do it again tomorrow when I get up. I'm not sure if I'll get to do the three or so times per week that I'd like. I don't want to do it with them around because I feel silly.

I guess things are finally starting to balance a bit. I'm getting into the habit of doing school stuff at certain times and I'm finally starting to get time to play my games regularly again and not feel rushed or hurried at times. Now I just have to get balanced with a job or more hours so that I can actually afford to get games regularly again, upgrade my system after years of being overdue, move to somewhere permanently, etc., etc.

Guess that's it for tonight. Night peeps.

Day 670 - 5/2 - Floating in my own space

It's bed time, not super late, not super early. C&H and the little one got home very early from their thing. They got back at about 10:30. The dogs had just woken me up moments before with some crashing and banging, so it seems I was to be up early regardless.

I had fun today. It wasn't what I planned what with everyone coming home early, but still fun. After everyone had gone to bed I had the lights off and no headphones on, so it was just me gaming at my computer in the dark. I was floating in my own space, a space of the me that was long ago. It was nice, and strange, to feel like I did now, nearly two years back at the ex-house. I'd love nothing more than the ability to truly move forward; to have my own place to stay permanent (or as long as I like), to be able to have the money to upgrade my system, to be able to play console games or watch TV whenever I want, but most of all to have a decent paying job that I at least somewhat enjoy so I don't have to worry about bills, new or old.

Tomorrow will be the first day I'm not so busy. I'll have about a 4 hour window between mini work and class during which I'll return books, check on maybe doing a project better, then getting caught up on class reading or shows. It seems so lame that I should have had that window every week this semester, but for the past four weeks I've had stuff to do. I've even had stuff on Wednesdays, when there should be no stuff.

Well, things at least seem to be continuing to settle into a routine, and because of recent extra shifts I'm able to have a little bit of fun money and save up for things like my eye exam.

I couldn't sleep last night. One of the cats was mewing for like an hour because her peeps were gone, then I just couldn't settle. It felt like, and still kind of does, that I'm gasping for air, as if I'm in an oxygen deprived area. I don't know if it's allergies or this cold. I've been sleeping quite a bit today. Well, hopefully I can sleep tonight. Night peeps.

Day 671 - 5/3 - Nothing of interest

Nothing of interest to report today really. I spent 1.5 hours on stupid school project stuff again. At least that's ready for Friday and I don't really have to worry about it for the rest of the week.

I kind of flirted with a girl in class. She's way too young for her to be interested, but a silly opportunity came up to flirt and I can't pass that up.

I didn't have any time at all to play today, which is super sad, so I'll play tomorrow and the rest of the week as much as I can. I should look for job stuff though and try to call to set up something for my ankle. Checking my bills I may not have much 'extra'. It looks like I can get a collected TV series, Dragon Age's expansion, and a charger for my Wii and that's it, nothing extra to put towards my eye exam, which will be super sad. Well, at least I can get those fun things and have a bit of fun for a change.

I didn't expect anything interesting to happen, but at least I'll get to sleep in. I've been doing super strong sneezing and sniffling all day; definitely have a cold.

Guess that's it for today.

Day 672 - 5/4 - Could be depression

I've been pretty good today, though there is a lingering sadness I can't place, and my sneezing cold continues. I think I may be depressed about, well everything. I looked for jobs and found nothing. In doing bills lately I won't have enough to do things I need, some will have to wait. My life still doesn't progress forward, the games I can play are still a very small number of the total I'd like to play, and my number and interaction with friends is still almost totally nonexistent.

I feel ok and all, save for my cold. But the things I can't seem to affect or change continue to make me sad all the time. I suppose that's nothing new, but again I wonder if it will ever change. I have hope, people believe in me, I believe in myself, but I wonder if I still believe in the world. When we are young the sky is the limit. We can do or be anyone. The world is open and welcoming. But as we grow up the world closes in on us. Our choices become more and more restricted, things become more and more unkind and unwelcoming. Perhaps this is what it is to grow up. And if it is, I still don't want to ever grow up.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008-2010
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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