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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Day 85 - 9/24 - Doughnut and Juice

Breakfast nom - doughnut and some juuuice. Been forever since I had it. It's 10 and the cafeteria is packed. I almost didn't find a seat. It wouldn't surprise me if it were packed from 9 AM to about 6 PM every day.

The phone battery is finally showing a bit of power missing now, about 12.5 hours after it's last charge. The other would have been dead by now, so that confirms it was a dying battery. Have to find somewhere proper / convenient to dispose of it.

Two job checks/sweeps so far, zero jobs. Hopefully something will show up later. It's still really too early for job posts.

Since I got you guys two new weeks to read I'll take it a bit easier on the computer time. Though I haven't totally monopolized systems, I do worry students may need them. I've got all day, so their needs may be a bit more immediate. Besides, those two weeks should hold you guys a while, right? You are smart enough to figure it will take me at least a few days to type in another week. Though, at my last estimate of my current speed, we'll be current again possibly around mid next week.

I'll call mister ass after lunch again. I don't really want to, because if you don't get along with your boss that's not a good thing. And, what with his department being just him plus an assistant at any given time, I'd want someone who won't be poopie about whatever personal choices I'm making. Particularly if they don't impact my job performance.

I've got that clerk test interview step tomorrow. I have a note-to-self to check for study materials here. I'm actually thinking, money aside, I may actually prefer that over the community manager position. Don't get me wrong, I love helping out on forums and stuff. If I didn't I wouldn't be spending hours doing it for teh free. But, as a job, as something I'm forced to do... I learned back in the day with my last community manager job it can be difficult to stay happy if you don't enjoy the game. It would be in a position for a game I left long ago. It's not that I don't like the game or anything, I just got bored with how grindy it was without an optimal group. (Though many games can be like that.) So, I think if offered a choice between filling out various forms vs. working as a community manager on a game I left, I'll take the clerical job. The game industry is so unstable, plus the whole not being into the game aspect. Anyways... neither has offered me the interview step beyond the one I'm on, so it's not a choice I really have to worry about. But, I do worry about finding a job (and people / environment) where I'll be happy. So many of these positions I'm applying for are ones I don't think I'd really be happy with. I guess I can try to change whatever after I get a job, not stop looking, but still.

Time passes

Lunch nom, right around noon.

Oh heh, I've finally cleared enough out of the binder to not crunch the pages as I turn them. I've dropped 30 pages onto teh Intarwebs since the 22nd.

Some peeps are here playing Magic the Gathering. I haven't played in over 10 years. I tried the online version, and it was pretty cool. It's not the same as physical cards though. I do miss the strategies though - trading stuff, getting new cards, tuning decks. I still need to pick up Eye of Judgment some day, though I haven't heard of increased support, which is sad. I keep holding out hope that Nintendo will put something on the Wii, maybe Pokemon, and we can play other people across the network, but they seem to be holding that for the DS.

I finally saw someone here with an Eee PC. I quizzed her for a few minutes on performance. She seemed really happy with it. She had mail, Internet, and a word document going, so the multitasking ability seems fine for what I'd be doing, which has sometimes been a point reviewers don't like. She did mention the small keyboard, but she was on one of the smaller models and she was ok with it due to having smaller hands.

There is a military recruiter here again. I peeped his shoes. They look like a lighter material than what I saw at the military surplus store. Maybe I should look around online. Of course, any new boots will be $100+, so it would just be window shopping.

Several cuties around.

Been typing in week 9, but I doubt I'll finish today. *checks* Three to four hours of typing... maaayyybe. I have to leave for class in... about 4.5 hours, so it's unlikely unless it's all I do for the rest of the day. I'd like to watch shows, so it's up to Fate to move students in ways to block/not block which computers do what.

Pretty happy and content so far. Kind of like being on vacation - I'm tired, happy, content, there are excited people around me, some entertainers doing Jamaican music - but, as with all vacations over time, I'm ready to go home. But... I have no home to go to.

Day 86 - 9/25 - Feeling welcome

I made the check-out person lol. She's looking at my stuff and inputting it into the register and she says, "Small doughnut, small juice." And I'm all, "That's a small doughnut? What's a large one?" The doughnut is regular sized. She's all, "*ponder* *quirks eyebrows* It has a hole in it *giggle* um... yeah... *giggle*" I guess that the register buttons should really say 'Danish' or 'Pastry' instead of the implied 'large' doughnut. hehe

Last night's class was good. There were a few cuties, hehe. Mostly though I contributed some bla bla. We did an exercise to get to know people and I helped out people. It was sort of a matching memory challenge thing, so I could help others find what they need. And, I had a form that could get about three peeps some monies, so I ran out of class to copy that really quick, so they could get them. On their way out they were all 'Yeeeaaa' and 'Thanks'. So I felt valued and like I could contribute something important.

I noticed (and was reminded) that the main library area does actually block YouTube. It's the wireless people and ones in the side room I spend a lot of time in that doesn't block it. So, I wonder if the video/movie/YouTube watching only chokes bandwidth in that one section and it's ok everywhere else. I've never seen the librarians in the side room get upset at people watching online stuff, and, in fact, there are several headphones set up on those stations. Guess I'll just do my video watching in there.

Two job sweeps. So far nothing to apply to. I've got the interview/test phase later today, so that's something to be hopeful about.

I'll miss the students when I have to go to work though (as it's unlikely I'll get a job on campus) even though I'm not a part of their world, only acting within it, but still. I need to get a job interacting with them as soon as I can. I'm so sad when I'm not around happy young peeps.

Oh um... it's just after 10. Lots were in the little room, so I can't go back for a while. I may not even get back on a system at all before I do lunch around an hour from now. Odd, since you'd think Thursdays would be a repeat of Tuesday's people. Although, there are several at their regular tables I see every day. I wonder if classes here aren't paired like normal. Most colleges pair class days as Monday + Wednesday and Tuesday + Thursday, so you go to the same class twice a week.

Well, I'm good for today. Minor update adding back in the 9600 GT, got week 9 posted, so I feel settled in progressing forward with my site.

I'm so sleepy. I got nearly 8 hours of sleep, but it was cramped sleep and my eyelids are heavy. I'll need to take a nap and hype myself up right near the test / interview time so my brain is going. That doesn't happen till 4:30, so it's quite a while from now.

Heh, one of the comic book guys is on a laptop peeping a talent build for WoW. Not entirely surprising. I've seen several doing it during my time here and I've done it myself several times.

Hum, said a lot for not saying anything. Guess I'll check system status. I've only been out of the room for 1/2 hour, but you never know.

Time passes

Lunch time. Now I'm all mad at my bank and all sad now. Yesterday, the 24th, I look at my account. It shows ~$35 available balance with one pending item at just under $7. Ok, so checking the math that available includes the pending amount. More than I recalled I should have, but that's ok. I am set to get what there is of a paycheck on the following morning, the 25th. So, based on that, I go to get a little bit of food. Today I look again and it shows an unstated balance. I call and find out there are two pending $33 overdraft charges; one for the charge that was pending, which cleared, and one for something that wasn't there at all. Both items cleared yesterday?! I looked and those should not have cleared, and if they did it shouldn't have listed them till the 25th. So, I went to Safeway based on incorrect information!? And the entire reason for them convincing me to set up a savings account, that being to pull from savings if I do ever get overdrawn, was apparently a lie as that did not occur because it was not set up to do that?! I just dropped 20 minutes on the phone explaining all this and apparently, since the overdrafts haven't gone through yet they can't reverse them, so I get to call back again, spending even more phone minutes I don't have, explaining the entire story again a second time. The day has rapidly gone to poo. I better get that money back, because showing a balance as ~$35 for the day, then changing what you showed the next day is not ok.

Time passes

Feeling a bit better / more normal, which is important for the test/interview phase. Having a snack now to rev myself up. Small tip to test takers - if you have a little bit of sugar, like a candy bar worth, about 20 minutes before a test you get a bit revved. Not too much food, as then blood moves from the brain to your tummy to digest it, and not much sooner than about 1/2 hour to maybe one hour at most, or it's already in your system and broken down. Between 20-30 minutes is ideal. A professor told me that back in the day, hehe. Though I have about 45 minutes till the test/interview step, and I'll have a touch more food than I should.

A dev on the alpha board I'm chatting on actually mentioned me in a thread. He didn't mention my site, or that I recommended hardware though, just mentioned my preference for Evga, but still.

Teh Intarwebs is all kooky here today, so I only got through one of the shows I wanted to watch. After the test is over I should have enough time to come back and micro some food and maybe get some more show watching time in. We'll see. Obviously Fate has inserted some twists into my previously planned path for today. Who knows where it will take me.

Time passes

Nomming Panda Express. I was going to go back to school to do some micro, but I would have gotten there around 7:30, only leaving 1/2 hour for real computer access prior to eating. I decided to come here and try and cheer myself up a bit from the bank mad/sad. Plus, tonight is the Survivor premier. Normally I'd have cooked a something to share with my roomie and we would be watching it. We have for a super long time. I think seven seasons? It's so sad to be here, out in the world, instead of in the home cooking and watching TV.

As I said, I have to focus on the little things. The small victories; being appreciated for what I offer due to my knowledge and experience in class, being appreciated on the boards for sharing my knowledge and offering choices the peeps are interested in, feeling like I did well on the test, still having my health, still at least having a functioning car.

I won't know the test results for like two weeks, but it was for the higher position. (The $4-5k a month one.) Likely they will just say I may or may not be interviewed at some point in the future. Not tell me an actual score or anything.

I got my stuff from J!nx too. The shirt is a bit stinky, as they (printed shirts) sometimes are, and as I expected may be the case, so I have to wash it before I can wear it. The Carrot on a Stick is totally roxor though. It's all rubbery and fully 3d. I thought it would be cheap plastic and 2d.

Hopefully soon I can get a portable or get into a home and drop the USB and library card. That way I have fewer things on my keychain. I may drop the library card anyways since I'd only need it one day a week really. Yeah, I may do that when I get back to the car, put it in the glove box or something.

Heh, have to lol at this fortune, "Treat yourself to something quality" (in bed). hehe

I wonder how long till Jinx has a Death Knight shirt. It's kind of odd they didn't have one already. Well, guess that is something to look forward to.

I wonder if peeps assumed Epic Fail was just an expanded blog because it's on the same page layout and I used some smiley faces. Well, it's between a blog and a full blown book now regardless. It was always meant as a journal, which really is just an old school blog.

Nothing else to say really. It's 8:30 now. My day is over. Nothing left but killing time staring at the people until it's safe to go to the sleeping spot. Enjoy your evening peeps. It's time for me to fade into the shadows yet again.

Dearest Lisa Mae,

The tank division is bein moved. We was blastin away at an enemy city all day, but I don't know what good it done. They just got in them thar flyin machines an let the city crumble around em. Mah ears are still ringin from the booms and clangs of the shells inside Ol Bessy. At least with less ammo she can manuver a lil bit better. We're on planes now. Bein moved somewheres. Who knows where. Preacher says we're going to meet with some reinforcements an get a bit of R&R. That'd be nice for a change. I think about ya often, yer soft skin, how yer golden hair flows in the wind, how I can't see it when were rolin in the hay on account of it disappearin.

I miss ya darlin. Hope we can come home soon. I miss ya somethin fierce.

Day 87 - 9/26 - Razor's edge

Friday, nearly 11, about time for lunch nom. There are a lot more students on campus than I thought there would be. Surprisingly the library and side computer room are open just about all day, so I can have a normal day. It will be cut short though, as I have mini-work tonight.

Time passes

Got interrupted there with a phone interview. One of the GM type positions. A bit lower pay then I recall, but we'll see if they call me for a face-to-face interview or not.

So... where was I... oh yeah, about to say how super sad I am now, and a bit mad, at my bank Washington Mutual. It should be noted that until this point I was super happy with them, but now grrr. They refuse to refund the $33 x2 overdraft charges, despite the fact it showed no charge when I looked at 4, despite that based on that information I got food, despite the fact that during the next two hours they put in a previously invisible charge, despite the fact that they never originally set up my account like they claim. *sigh* So now I have $11 left in my accounts total, of which $7 is gone when last night's food charge goes through, so really only $4 total, $1 and change in my wallet, and 1/2 tank of gas in my car that will last maybe a week if I'm lucky. For food I have maybe eight soups, two unopened Animal Crackers, four (just bought) Pepsi 12-packs that I got on sale for 'buy two get two free' (about 1.5 weeks of drinks), and most of a bag of chips. I don't know how I'll survive. Someone said they would be sending some help around now, and really that's the only thing that will save me at this point since I can apparently not trust Washington Mutual's reports on how much money I really have and have been drained to zero because of that. Making me go back to manual check and balances to my account like I did 15+ years ago is B.S. Why have online banking if I can't trust it? *sigh*

So now today is a sad day. I don't know what I'll do for food once what I have runs out. I can try to stretch it out. I should be ok through the weekend and into early next week, but after that things will get tricky. Not to mention I don't have the $3 to wash my cloths now and gas will go critical very rapidly.

I guess I just have to keep on, as I've been keeping on every day now for 87+ days, and hope things turn around for me. Maybe unseen things are already in motion towards a better tomorrow.

Time passes

It's just after 2:45. Having a snack. Most of the students seem to have poofed. It's down to the crowd level I was expecting for a Friday. I only have a Pepsi, the car isn't so far I couldn't get more, but what with the recent sad things I think I'll just stick to this for now. I typed in some stuff, put out a few applications, watched some videos, helped some peeps, the usual stuff. Nothing major or super interesting to report to you guys and gals. Been pretty depressed since the call this morning. More feelings of being trapped in my situation and not in control of my life, so I'm just trying to drudge on with my usual things. You know, the regular daily activities. I'll likely be back to my hoppy happy self soon enough, but for now, I'm a bit slow, just kind of listless I think it is, so sorry for that since I could be pushing myself to get the next week of Epic Fail out before the end of the day. There are a couple of hours left before I go to mini-work, but it won't be enough due to the sad debuff I've got.

Probably more rambling later...

Strange thought just now. "Have you found God?" Sometimes people ask that. My brain was just wondering, "Why? Is (s)he lost?" Wouldn't it be more accurate to ask someone if God has found them if they are the lost one? Hum.

Time passes

Dinner nom is over. I had Campbell's Chunky Sirloin Burger with Country Vegetables, which is my favorite non-chicken soup. Had a few Animal Crackers too. Killed a bunch of time with a few magazines and it's just after 7, so not quite half way through my shift.

I got an application to fill out while I'm here - one of the on-campus jobs. Seems like a good one. It's a touch less than I need to earn for the month, but it's also, I think it was, 55% of full time. Sadly it's one fo those that I likely won't hear anything on for about three weeks due to how long they take applications for.

No real news other than that since the last writing, for good or for bad.

Day 88 - 9/27 - Sadness and TV shows

Early morning time, nearing 8:15. I'm still all sad about the bank incident. I still don't know how I got into a position of being over. By my calculation and I had done an informal old school paper record since my last pay/donation, I should have had $30-40 reserved for gas and emergency food, including the $10 in savings. I still don't see how ~$30 got used that was unaccounted for. Now that the trauma is over and they refuse to correct it I guess I'll look over my record. Maybe something is in there that didn't come from me. I don't see how, but it's possible. Mistakes do happen. (Though I've never myself, nor have I ever known anyone, who had such a bank error occur.)

Today the school library has exceedingly low priority. I will likely spend a few hours there, but they block my job searching site and I won't have access to the computers that I can update my site from or access / permission to watch videos. I spent about 1.5 hours in the little room the other day watching videos, heh. Everyone is always watching stuff in there, so for whatever reason it's ok there, but literally right around the corner (in the main library area) it isn't ok. It makes no sense. Anyways, the tentative Saturday plan is; slow library 10-noon, roughly noon to 4 school library, roughly 4 to ? the fast library, from 6 on no access. I'll likely pull some research for my Home Entertainment page at school, maybe start on it next week. I've got some fairly large text about it written out (five pages like these). So that's a few hours just inputting the text. Creating the page itself shouldn't take too long, but still. My primary focus will first be on getting Epic Fail as current as possible, as I don't know when I'll get a job and lose time/access to do that. I know putting it in book form won't happen until I'm in a home, so I'd like to keep the web version as current as possible. *counts* Yeah, we are still looking at a minimal estimate of 10 more hours to get current. At three or so hours a day average that should be very doable during next week, and you guys/gals may be reading this by the 3rd of October.

We may be in for a surprise at the slow library, remember that the librarian did say on Monday morning, the 22nd, the Macs would be installed. So, we may have to start calling it the "formerly slow library" instead of the slow one, heh. That would be pretty awesome as I could easily run a job check and catch my shows I missed.

I guess I'll have most of a day of access. Roughly 10 AM to 6 PM for the window, not all of which will be guaranteed access. (I'm only guaranteed use for three of those hours at public libraries.)

I'd much rather be home playing Warcraft and relaxing. My Carrot on a Stick keychain and Warrior t-shirt has brought up many memories of good times and I do really miss it.

What's done is done though. For whatever reason I've not found a job that uses my degrees these past four years, it just happened. Thinking back, even had I gotten a Masters 1.5 years ago, as per the original timeline, I've only seen two openings during that time. For whatever reason I've not found any kind of offers these past 7.5 months, despite sending out upwards to 100+ resumes a month for jobs I'm nearly qualified for down to ones I'm overqualified for, it happened. Despite my calculation of having $30+ wiggle room, and my bank account verifying that mere hours before the close of the bank day, the overdrafts happened. Despite a handful of offers / reassurances / encouragement from rabb1t fans, for whatever reason of coincidence, none live close enough for me to take them up on it.

Fate seems to have placed me in a strange place lately and I simply have to follow the path as best I can.

Time passes

Snack time, just around 6 PM. The slow library was still the slow library. They moved the systems, possibly even replaced them, but they are only about 10-15% faster. Certainly not fast enough to run video. I will just ignore that one from now on.

School surprised me. There really wasn't anyone there at all. I expected to wait for a system. Not only was there no wait, but there were only about four people there total using the computers. I dropped nearly two solid hours running research and getting links for the Home Entertainment page. It will still take a while to actually build the site, but now I've got the text and the links. The shell is effectively ready to do everything I can with it in my current position.

Helped out a few peeps on the boards and one by email, though I'm not sure how much I can help the email person, as his system likely has a dead part.

Seems I'm all caught up on my shows at this point, the ones I can be anyways, though CBS is not showing this season of Big Bang Theory nor Survivor (online). At least not yet.

I'm super sad. I was planning to do Panda Express for dinner after doing my laundry today, but I can do neither. It seems the bank was correct and I somehow managed to miscalculate and run myself quite literally to zero. Somehow I seemed to misplace ~$30. I still don't know where, as all the amounts added up to what I recall. I just don't recall them adding to zero. So, no laundry for me. I get to remain stinky. No nice dinner. I get to eat chips for lunch and a $1 food item for dinner because it's all I can afford tonight and tomorrow. I've got right around $5 total in my bank (both accounts total) and just over $2 in my wallet, so I don't have any clue how I'll manage once my half tank of gas is gone. That will probably only last until I need to go to work again if I make no extra trips anywhere.

Super sad with nothing to look forward to. Been super sad all day - depressed and slow moving. At least with school computers open tomorrow I have access from noon to 6, provided I can get in on a system. At least it's something. I'll likely get week 10 finished and start on week 11.

Tonight all that's left is about a one hour wait until I go to dinner, then, after I eat, two to three hours to kill before I can look into my sleeping spot.

Day 89 - 9/28 - Accomplishments

I wonder if writing Epic Fail really counts as an accomplishment. Sure, putting down my thoughts, particularly the philosophical ones and publishing them is an accomplishment, but I really have all the time in the world, so it kind of feels like I'm cheating compared to work on my theory. And, this isn't a very difficult project. While much of what I write follows a formal writing style, much of it is just a free-flowing jumble, much like any other personal journal. (Those formally trained in writing have likely noticed my shifts between the different writing styles used in the book, heh.)

I started a Table of Contents; just to be sure I didn't duplicate any day titles. Surprisingly I haven't yet. I'm still debating about if I should go back to fill in all those missing / untitled days at the start of the book.

It's about 8:30 now, been up since 7. We've got six hours of access in the small school library room starting at noon, so for a good chunk of time I can work on whatever project I want. Likely I'll mostly just input Epic Fail. I seem to have forgotten some stuff for the Home Entertainment page, so I'll likely also drop an hour or so on that. No doubt I'll spend a little time on the boards, but on weekends people are busy playing and doing real life things, so usually the boards are the most quiet on Sundays. What I do will really be determined by the crowd. The computers give you one hour before your session runs out, and typically I'll leave the area for a bit between sessions to give others a chance to hop on. Whichever systems are free at what times will determine my activity choices.

I am hopeful my days will improve / recover from the bank tragedy. We'll see what the next days bring as they unfold. There is some help a friend said they would try and get me, but outside of that I have no expectations, hopes, or predictions as to what the next few days may bring.

I guess that's all for now. I should pack up my night things and make my first location shift for the day. Well, second I guess really. My brain doesn't really count the move out of the sleeping spot as a shift since no one notices that, heh.

Time passes

I have to lol at myself and consider the possibility that, over the past few years, I've been elevated to Knight of Fate. This morning, had it not gone very similarly to how it went (like less than a two minute variance), would have been very different. (Ok, that doesn't make sense and sounds very obvious, heh.) Let's sum it up by saying, despite the lack of an obvious WiiLine I decided to stay, and had my demo playing gone differently I would not have been where I was when I was there. There was a guy debating between the PS3 or the Sony Blu-ray player. The sales person mentioned something about hard drive noise, and I pointed out that's not the issue with the PS3, but fan noise was more of an issue. So anyways, I wound up chatting with the purchaser inside and outside the store a few minutes about the benefits of each, and made sure he knew Amazon was the best place to buy movies. I'm sad my Home Entertainment page isn't up yet. I could have just given him a rabb1t card, hehe.

So there we have it, yet again a knight of Fate altering people's paths and influencing the paths of people's lives he meets. Will the ripple effect be large? It's very unlikely to affect a major line in anyone's life, but there it is.

Oh, I forgot to mention to him, and no offense to him or anyone else by my categorizing people by accent / skin color - happy Diwali. (Odd. Later checking the Wiki, it looks like the local celebration is about a month sooner than it should be.)

Time passes

I got more done than I thought I would at school. I was on a system basically 5.5 of the 6 total hours of access. I inputted about double the number of Epic Fail pages as I thought I would. We may be current in a few days at the rate I've been able to enter it. I also did the Home Entertainment stuff I forgot earlier.

There were a couple of surprises during the day. I got out an application. Nothing great in terms of allowing me to fully recover, but a decent one. It's part time, like 18 hours a week, but good pay, so it would be 50% what I need per month. It's doing sort of tech support for a high school working with education software. So, all my current/future work paths would be accessed. Next was less immediately useful news. Asus has made a beefed up version of their sub-notebook - the N10. Information on pricing isn't too solid, but it looks to be slated for around $700. This one is more powerful than the 1000H in that it has an Nvidia 9300 that you can enable or disable, so it would be strong enough to game on, woot! Also, it can handle higher def video, which may be nice for trailer watching or game footage videos.

That's it really. No donations or help, so my super restricted movement / food budget continues, as does the sadness such extreme restrictions bring.

Day 90 - 9/29 - Nearly there

Lunch time, mmm yummy soup. Let's go backwards today, that might be more fun, hehe. I got an email for a second interview phase somewhere. The job is partly sales focused and lower pay than my minimum budget, but I guess I can find out more about it at the interview, which is tentatively set for Thursday. I just posted the shell of the Home Entertainment page. No real discussion info there, but it does have all the links I want, so I can reference it in the future. My nose has gotten super sensitive since I stopped using the soap I am possibly reacting to. The smell of foods outside the cafeteria made my tummy all 'rar'. I'm also more sensitive to smokers and perfume, which is kind of a bad thing. No new jobs to apply to yet, a slow Monday, as usual. I dropped week 10 onto teh Intarwebs. I'll work on week 11 more after my lunch break. I was in there for three solid hours, so I'm going to chill for about an hour in the cafeteria. This morning I used my old soap in the shower. I haven't used soap in like a week due to running my allergy test. It (no soap) would be fine if I had clean cloths, but dirty cloths and no soap makes for super stinky socks and undies. I've started putting a pair of each up in my car, out of the dirty cloths bag, to air them out as I drive around. (Remember, I have a soft top which is kind of broken, so air is often flowing around inside the car as I drive.) It seems to help a bit. I should be able to postpone laundry through the week if need be. I slept ok, but it was a bit colder, and it is a bit chilly today. The threatening rain clouds seem to have cleared now.

I guess that's it really. A fairly normal day for me so far, with the addition of an interview and getting the Home Entertainment page up.

Since I'm about *calculates* 6 to 8 hours of typing (about two days) away from being current I'll likely focus a bit of my time into getting the Home Entertainment page ready for official launch. I guess that's good timing, as we are entering the Holiday season.

Time passes

A bit more potential good news - the lower Sunnyvale office secretary type position sent me notice that I qualify for their test. (Which is on Saturday at 9:30 AM.) Odd that I just took the "senior office assistant" test, but it doesn't also count for the "office assistant" position. That ... doh! A butterfly just landed on my chest. I was going to take a picture but he/she flew off again after a minute before I could. Um... what was I saying? hehe. Oh yeah, the position would still be roxor as it's like $3k a month. (The senior one was $4-5k.) I also sent out an at-school test proctor application, so that's happy, as I'd love pretty much any on-campus job.

I just spent over an hour doing general board surfing. Surprisingly few posts. The little room I can input my site from was all busy a few minutes ago when I checked, so I'm chatting with you all for a few minutes. I'm debating if I should have my snack or not. I'm not really hungry for a snack just yet. Gonna leave to move over to the other campus in 1.5 hours, so I have a fair bit of time left here. Dinner time will be odd on Monday and Wednesday due to micro access. I don't yet know if the micro at the other site will be accessible after class. If not I'd have to eat super early around 6.

I've had a... op again with interrupting my writing. Another phone interview. I guess at least that cost isn't immediate (like gas). That's set up for tomorrow. Not sure if I'm quite qualified for the position, but I'll answer their questions. So I was saying... I've had a pretty big headache lately. Probably just a physical manifestation of the stress of the bank damage. I keep forgetting to take an aspirin when I eat. Hopefully with dinner or my snack I won't forget.

Hum. Only been about 20 minutes since my last check of the small room. Guess I'll chill out here a bit then go check again.

Time passes

Nothing in the evening check. I did finish out last week though. A couple of days of typing and we will be current. I may even get current before week 13 is up. Wouldn't that be crazy.

Class, in terms of curriculum, was ok. Some good discussions. Pretty much material I've heard before. Class in a non-curriculum way... zomg teh rabb1t flirted. There was a new girl... something about her... an indescribable chemistry. Always look for that. It's super rare. I've only found that maybe half a dozen times in my entire life. Short blond hair, light blue eyes, nice smile... I gave her my card and a note offering 'notes, or to cook for her, movie watching partner, hugs, whatever'. She likely has a boyfriend. She was feeling sick though and left early, but she was smiley at me and my card, though not super smiley. She was moving to leave before I gave her my card, so she didn't leave to escape me or anything. Anyways. If she's interested, a something may happen. If not, meh, I won't worry. I'm guessing she has a sweetie already.

I don't know how much longer my cloths can last. My socks/undies bag smells really super bad. I'll have to lay everything out on my back seat I think tomorrow and try and air them out. My night cloths are smelling similarly bad. Of course, I have my super sensitive nose (and ears), so likely it isn't as bad for normal people. But still, it makes me ponder if I should trade some for clean cloths in the garage as a way to postpone laundry. I have all my socks and undies though, which are the more critical items.

Killing a bit of time at the class parking lot. It's 9:30 PM now. It seemed like post 9:45 may be safe at the sleeping spot, so I may try to get there around then or after from now on on Monday and Wednesday night, reduce my gas spending. At this point I don't even know if what is in the tank will last that long (till Wednesday.) It looks... bad. Hopefully a donation will come tomorrow. That takes a few days to move to my account... but what was a high and doing fine on money only a week ago has rapidly crumbled and I'm in a bad way yet again.

Day 91 - 9/30 - Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope

No inputting computers were open when I got to the room at 8:07. Crazy they were all busy. Every other day so far it's pretty much just been two people (for five stations), which includes myself, till around 9. So, I took a non-inputting computer (only three of the five can be used to input) and watched How I Met Your Mother for teh lolz, the Unit, which is an awesome show and I'm happy I can see it for teh free, and Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles. Such a saaaad episode for Cameron. I still don't get why Big Bang Theory isn't free anymore. Later I'll watch Heroes.

Waiting on a phone interview, then I'll go have lunch. I'm totally starving.

Sad news - the London friend has hit a sort of trouble spot and can't send help. I don't know what I'll do. I'm down to under 1/4 tank of gas, which I'll use no gas today really, but that will maybe last through tomorrow, but that's it. I'll have to spend the very last $5 I have on gas, maybe $1-2 more from recycle cans, to cover me and prey it covers work and my Saturday test/interview step. But then I'm out. Complete total bank flat line. My only foreseen way to have money for gas next week, money to wash cloths, or money for food once I'm out would be from donations. If anyone is reading this now, in present / 'real' time, even just a $5 donation would be a huge help. There is a button/link up near the menu if you can/want to help.

Time passes

Well, on the one hand the phone interview went well I think. On the other it was 23 minutes, which will likely cost me $12, as it is very unlikely I had useable minutes. I've done a lot of calls lately, like 40 minutes lost on the bank poo alone, and with only 60 a month I rapidly go into overtime. My plan is only $23 a month. If I bumped up to the next one up it's like $40, so I'd have to go over by like 35 minutes every month for it to be worth it. I just don't make that many calls normally.

Nothing new for jobs on the forums yet. I'm still most hopeful about the Saturday office position. I know it sounds kind of lame, but $3k a month for general office work would put me into a very good place to recover and eventually make a step forward. Sure, going straight to a step forward is ideal, but not more than a few applications went out to positions I think I'd be super happy at. Even the one I had the phone interview for would just be meh. Since I haven't played the game in years that I'd be the community manager for I don't know how much I'd enjoy the job, ya know? Compared to homelessness an unfulfilling job life can be a whole other hell.

Still sad today. All the happy students with their cafeteria lunches around me just make me more sad that I don't know how I'll manage the estimated $50 to survive till my next paycheck. (10 days till then, $30 for gas, $15 for food, $5 for laundry.)

I think I'll just have some quiet alone time now. Watch more shows and input more Epic Fail later. Bye for now.

Time passes

I'm in a super comfy couch area of the cafeteria having a snack. It's about 3:45. The input computers have been super busy today. I've only gotten one hour on them so far. I did, however, get about 3 (total) on one of the Macs, which are better for watching shows, as they are untimed. So yeeaaa for watching all my Monday and Sunday shows.

I guess I shouldn't carry my snack drink with me. It was a bit too jiggled and it fizzed a bit when I opened it.

My socks were hardly stinky, so I think the airing out theories help. Plus, I've decided to go back to using soap with my showers till I can get an allergy/perfume free one. That may help too. Hopefully the mass airing today will be a big boost. If I had like $0.50 I could go toss them in a dryer, maybe find some discarded fabric softeners and air freshen them up even more, but... I need all I have and then some for gas. I still don't know how I'll manage come the weekend and on. Teh rabb1t fans are still my only hope so far. I'll probably have to even postpone my interview set for Thursday to be sure I have gas to get to work Friday.

Two more job sweeps since we last chatted, nothing going on there.

More sad quiet time. Then I'll see if I can get onto an input computer.

Time passes

I dropped week 13 early. Maybe someone will see my struggle/misfortune and send help. My fate is, as it has been for some time, in the hands of my fans.

Dinner time. I finally remembered aspirin. I'm nearly out. Maybe I can finally get rid of this terrible headache I've had for days.

As always, here is to hoping tomorrow is a better day, for everyone who needs it.

Day 92 - 10/1 - rabb1t fan love

I got two donations that add up to my minimal survival estimate, which should hold me till I get paid again. Phew. Saved by rabb1t fans. Yeeeaaa.

Lunch time. Tummy smells pizza, hamburgers, cheezburgers, roast beef / french dip sandwiches, chicken strips/nuggets... sooo many tasty things I want to nom. But, none for me just now. For today, and a bit longer, I have to stick with cheap chicken soup. Once the donations flip I have a teeny tiny bit of flexibility to get $1 meal items or maybe chicken nuggets from the cafeteria. More than likely I will have to wait till I get paid for anything other than my $0.75 soups.

I'm not stinky today! Last night I went to the garage and pulled two old style undies (tighty whitey types - new school is a hybrid of tight and boxer), two pair of what I refer to as baby socks (they don't go up your ankle - good for wearing with sneakers and shorts), and a dark blue t-shirt. I think I'll keep the undies and socks, but trade out my white shirt since I typically only wear white in Spring and Summer.

It felt weird coming in with only one half page that wasn't inputted. Keeping Epic Fail current will free up a lot of worry about getting on those systems.

I watched some shows after running job checks. Supernatural is finally online and Fringe is cool. I have one more Supernatural to watch, but that's really it for today. I touched up minor details on my sites and cover letter, but that's it. Oh, one good job application did go out - part time working in the psychology department at Stanford doing general office stuff. No clue as to the pay level. They stopped listing them months ago for some reason. I think I'm very well qualified for that one. It's on-campus, 8 to noon, so lots of happy potential there.

Class tonight, so that's a something. Um... that's all I can think of for now.

Time passes

My headache is back. I wonder if it's lack of nutrition and not job stress. I've been doing the same kind of soups for 5+ days now.

I've been taking today slow. Checking jobs on occasion, checking boards on occasion. My video wasn't working, not sure why. I've got about 2.25 hours till I leave. I'm going a bit early to drop some mail off (physical job application) and get a tiny bit of gas before class.

I think I've been here too long. Well, here without being able to afford anything too long. I'm starting to look at foods like a scavenger, seeing who has tasty looking foods and watching who looks likely they may toss said food away. They all come in self-contained cartons, so they could easily be plucked out of the trash intact. The other day I saw someone toss half a hot dog, and this morning someone tossed most of a salad. I don't want to go there.  That would be too sad. It's sad enough the brain sees it and the tummy tells the brain to consider it.

Time passes

Oh happy day. Today I decided to do one of my 'Blu-ray checks'. Every two or three months I go and look around to see if any of my favorite movies that are always on DVD show up in the listings for Blu-ray, just in case I didn't catch an announcement or pre-order period. Today my search revealed Dodgeball. Now, this may seem insignificant if you don't know it's history. Way back in the day, like two or more years ago, Dodgeball was listed among the original 25 or so movies set to 'launch' when Blu-ray did. That and Mr & Mrs Smith were among my personal top five "must haves" on Blu-ray. Right before they launched the studio pulled the disks due to copy protection issues. (The industry hadn't quite settled on a method.) It was forever before that status changed. If I recall, it was only about 10 months ago that Mr & Mrs Smith finally came out, and only within the past weeks has Dodgeball shown up. Yea!

Also, although it's only part time, I got out an application for an office assistant position at a high school. So, yea for more potential jobs being around / interacting with young people.

I also tweaked my Home Entertainment page and checked the spelling. I'll likely go back and check spelling on the Epic Fail pages now that I'm down to less than one hour of typing a day to stay current.

Plus, I think I'm happier as my mood is lifting a bit now that I know I should be ok again for food and gas money till I get paid again.

Off I go to the mail, get a touch of gas, and maybe turn in my recycle cans. (The place I normally use is closed today, so I have to stumble into an alternate one or go out of my way to another one I know. Depending on how the post office goes I may or may not have much spare time for that.)

Day 93 - 10/2 - So hungry

I'm so hungry today. Super congested and sniffly too. I hope one of the like four sick students last night didn't give me a cold.

I'm in the cafeteria now, though I can't afford to eat anything. Tummy would love a breakfast today. I have my last soup with me. Later I'll go and turn in my cans. That should get me a couple of dollars to get a $1 food item tonight and a lunch or dinner something tomorrow. I may be down to just one meal tomorrow if my money hasn't flipped in the morning. It should though. Today will be super tight though. All I have is the one soup, maybe 1/3 bag of cereal and Pepsi.

I helped out some gamer peeps this morning. I was in the little library room and heard some guys next to me talking about motherboards. So I asked if he was doing upgrades or a system build and he said yeah, so I said they should peep my site as it may help them. He was surprised how good the prices were on the system builds.

I'm mostly ok on mood today so far. Not happy, but not really sad either. Pretty much I'm just super hungry and super tired. My eyes seem sore and my eyelids are heavy. I have lots of school job applications out. Those always take a while to cycle. No new jobs to apply for today yet. It's not even 10 yet, so that's not surprising. Op, looks like it actually is just now 10. I'm sad that the community manager position turned me down. It's always sad to be rejected, but then my heart likely wouldn't have been into it anyways, as it's not a game I'm interested in picking up again.

Mostly waiting today. Observing. Feeling like an outsider - students with DS and PSP around me, a few collectable card games - my gaming peeps are all around me, yet I'm not a part of their world. I'm older, can't afford foods, and unlike their happy unlimited future, mine seems to do nothing but crumble around me.

Time passes

I think someone abandoned some fries. They were on a table in a sealed box, ice cold. (They were on a tray with some discarded napkins.) I'll give the peep five minutes, then nom them if noone comes and asks me where they went (I moved the box). Thanks Fate.

My boss at my mini-work called. He offered me two extra shifts, which eventually in three weeks means I'll collect an additional $100 or so. So, that'll be happy when the money comes. Maybe I can finally catch up with my phone bill and get a box of contacts. Right now I'm still too hurt/sad (about money) to be happy about it.

Nom nom nom... these tasty spicy curly fries are belong to me. This I'm ok with. Fishing it out of a trash bin is totally different. I've left extra foods in the open on tables before myself. ... Woooo *pant* *pant* Spicy curly fries are spicy.

I think someone totally gave me a cold. In addition to my previous headaches, today I've got sneezing, congestion, and a rough/scratchy/dry throat.

I started spell checking Epic Fail. I'm up to week 10, so I will easily finish and upload that in a few hours. I'm surprised at how few misspellings there were. There were only about half a dozen words that I consistently misspelt. Editing will still have to wait until it's in proper book form, but most of that is done on the fly as I enter it, so I doubt I'll change anything.

Ah... these are restoring a bit of my... well... I feel more of a regular person again and less of a starving homeless person who is continually failing at life, even though I didn't actually purchase them myself.

It's just about 5:15, so I've got 2.75 more hours of access I can work on my site or watch videos and one beyond that that I can do general board chat. It would be nice to see my money flip after the bank closes at like 6, but that isn't likely to happen. Never has before.

Well, back to the room for me. Mouth is burning, heh.

Time passes

Killing some time in the cafeteria to... kill a bit of time. I've been getting to the sleeping spot at 9:45, sometimes as early as 9:30, and it seems fine during the week. Since I have to buy a $1 food item for dinner I'll try and chill here for 15 minutes so it will hopefully be 9:30-9:45 when I finish dinner. It's 9 now.

The money should flip in the morning. The sending bank shows the transition as complete. If so, we get to go do laundry, feed the car, and feed ourselves. Well, just me. You guys/gals likely have plenty of your own foods already, hehe.

I watched the Survivor premier. Woot! It was happy, but sad at the same time. As I said, I've watched them with my ex-roomie/friend for what must be the past four to five years. I normally would have made us dinner, we would have wooted at it, finally being 16:9 in high-def, and we would have chatted about the fail and who was going to be voted out. Over the past weeks I've kept wondering if she would call to invite me over to do that... or other fun things... but there has been nothing since the one visit. While I chatted with the guy I helped in the late afternoon for a bit - he also has a PS3 and Wii in addition to PC - I still feel very much alone in the world, set adrift, not knowing when, or if, I will ever have RL friends and a true home ever again.

Day 94 - 10/3 - Doin' it at lunch

Lunch nom, almost exactly 11. Some of my donated monies flipped, so I put $15 into gas, grabbed four lunch soups, a big bread, and $2 of salami. I'll need the sandwiches for lunch on the weekend, and I'll have one tonight to give myself a break from soup for dinner. I think it's been a week since I had something other than cheap soup or $1 items for dinner.

Sony and her sweetie are here nomming lunch. She's always more affectionate than he is. That always worries me. Not that... oh there. He's got his arm around her as they walk out. Phew. I was about to say it seems she is always more affectionate, which can be trouble in a relationship. There should be a balance of affection, not that one person is way more affectionate. She did her hair an auburn color. It actually seems to suit her much better than blond.

I'm surrounded by my peeps. In front is a table of peeps playing Mario Kart on the DS, like six of them, and to my right there are some FPSers, and further right more on DS.

I'll be leaving a bit earlier than normal. I decided to do laundry on the way up. I had a thought that maybe something in the dirty cloths is irritating me, and not that I caught a cold from a fellow student. Either way, I have a Scorched Earth policy when I'm sick. I wash all my cloths and bed sheets, provided I have the strength at the time.

That's it really. About 4 hours to watch TV and stuff, mini-work later, my test/interview step in the morning.

Tomorrow I'll run research on speaker sets. A challenge has come up on my current recommendations, so I'll have to research the validity of that, since those that challenged it provided no substance or articles to back up their claims. Peeps out there reading - don't just poop on something someone likes. Provide some proof from an authority figure to back up your opinion, ideally more than one source. At the very least cite why you disagree. Above all disagree respectfully and nicely. Don't just poop on stuff. What someone has or likes is more than likely something they are happy with. Don't go and make someone feel bad or sorry for their choice without logical reasons for what you say. That's just mean.

Time passes

Ug. Yeah, I really have a cold. My brain is slow and forgetting minor details and I'm soooo sleepy. Hopefully I'll do ok on the test tomorrow. It was easy in concept last time, so I just have to focus. Plus, some of it may be the same, as it is a test for the lower level position of the one I just took the test for.

I've decided that on Sunday I'll likely go ahead and start the .pdf form of the book, build it as I go. I don't know if the school computers can print to .pdf though, so it may still have to wait till I'm re-established for the e-publication form. At least though I can set up the styles and get the pages properly set up. The 'meat' of the book as it were. Well, as much as can be set up. Things like the table of contents will increase in size over time, so some details I may have to leave flexible instead of solid. Oh poo. I have that extra shift on Sunday. I guess I'll start next week.

It seems so strange to me now to conceive of change. I've been doing this homeless routine so long. Though everything about my daily routine sucks, it has become my routine, and I've reached an odd balance with it. Change which disrupts that, for good or bad, seems so foreign a concept. Memories of being in my happy home are now no more a part of my daily life than any other memory. Yes, they rush back and feel happy and part of my daily life once again when I'm at the house. But when I'm not, my mind calls upon my homeless spots when thinking of things in my daily life; the sleeping church, school, the quiet school/church spot, the school parking lot(s), the cafeteria, the two fast food restaurants I frequent. These are the places that seem real in my memory now, and it makes me sad.

Day 95 - 10/4 - Raining on me

Through most of the last night it was raining on me. Not me directly, thank the gods, but my car. I'll have to get some shopping bags to use in the corners of my broken soft top to keep out the weather. I'd previously used socks, but lately those have gotten more and more wet each night. Last night I used paper towels, so those I tossed. I can get those at work, so no biggie if I can't get bags.

The test/interview was ok I think. There was an icky math section, which the senior office assistant position didn't have.

I got rained on for a minute on my way in to the school library, then sat outside while I had lunch. Spent time in the library running research and messing around on the boards.

I've been doing cough drops almost non-stop today. Lots of congestion and coughing. There is ick in my lungs and throat. Ears are popping too, well not popping.

I don't know where to go or what to do. It's not quite 4:30, so I've got at least 7 hours till I can try and sleep. I suspect I'll be ok with an earlier time as opposed to a later one due to the rain.

With no money I have to have a $1 meal tonight. It was nice to eat fast food meals at least once a week on Saturday. I have to be conservative with drinks or I'll run out before I have money again.

Time passes

The light is fading. The sun has gone down and the day is over. It's nearing 7. I've decided to have my last sandwich tonight instead of tomorrow. That way it is not quite as old as it would be if I held it till tomorrow. I haven't really moved all day. I was taking the test, then at school, drove a couple miles to the bowling spot, then came across the street to get a couple more lunch soups while they were still on sale, and haven't moved since.

I did a lot of research on the Bose speakers. Turns out they use inferior production methods that reduce the overall tonal range you hear as well as saving them (the manufacturer) money. Unfortunately, back when I got them I had money to spend and I didn't have time to look around. The shiny display convinced me they were a good deal, when in fact they are just meh and overpriced. I could likely get a Klipsch system and sub-woofer that would kick my system's ass for around $750. (The Bose system was $1200 when I got it.) Of course, that just makes me sad, as that is then another item I want/need to upgrade, but don't have the money to do so. Well, at least I know now. And, since I just finished the Home Entertainment page I can help inform others in the future. I may go to the garage tomorrow or Monday morning to get the disks I need to see if I can install the programs onto my USB to make the menu button and pictures. That would be happy.

So that's it really. Sickest I've been in years now. Sad about my speaker discovery. The night draws near. And, now we are beyond the 200th hand written journal page.

I don't know how or if I will ever pick myself up again. All I can say to everyone reading is this - love those around you who you enjoy being with and who enjoy being with you. Keep those bonds. Mine were all lost and this has been an incredibly horrible and difficult journey with noone willing or interested in helping me out and I have no idea how long it will continue. Be kind, peaceful, and generous to one another. Life is very short and more fragile than we often realize.

Day 96 - 10/5 - Sick and tired

It's 10:00, just 2.5 hours till I head out for the extra mini-work shift. I discovered the showers were open, so in the future (on weekends) I'll just move over to school in the morning, shower, then kill time till the library opens. It's really kind of sad to think I'm here more than all the other librarians. I'm here what... looks like 62 hours a week, and I'd be here 8 more if I didn't have to leave for class twice a week. I guess I should be grateful there is such a resource. Roughly 62 hours of access a week is a billion times better than the 21 (of limited/restricted access) I had just a few weeks ago when school was shut down. Of course, it still boggles the mind that I'm likely still putting out roughly 50 resumes a month and I'm lucky to get one interview a week. Things are so crazy I've started hearing others talk about having a difficult time finding something here and there. Similar to the other test, there were about 75 people. And that's just those who passed into that first phase, not everyone. Who knows how many total applied.

I suppose on the good side I seem to be a bit better. I'm not coughing so much, though I am massively congested. My ears hurt and are ringing a bit, very occasional light dizziness, but I'm not nearly as bad off as I was yesterday. I should be fine again in a week. Did I mention my crazy immune system? I don't seem to get as sick as often as others, and when I do I only get about 75% as sick, but I stay sick for two or three times as long. It's like my body is great at first line defense, but pretty slow on clearing the illness out.

I already had some cereal. I'm nearly out. I'm completely and totally starving. My tummy has been super grumbly for the past 45 minutes or so. I don't know how I'll make it to like 12:45 when I'm at mini-work and can have a soup.

That's it really. I had some crazy fever dreams last night - receivers and a single song repeatedly appearing in various parts - but that's it.

Today is totally a doughnut and juice day. This kind of day, back in the day, I'd have gone out and gotten half a dozen for me and the roomies to nom, then messed around on boards before playing some games. But not now. Now my world is shattered. I sit in a cold dark parking garage, tummy grumbling from lack of food or money for food, and I have nothing to occupy my time with other than wondering why my always being picked last has been a cosmic and constant feature that always has been in my life.

Just yesterday I saw young mister handsome get out of a car. He was maybe in his late 20s. He's got a gorgeous young wife, a little girl who is maybe 5 and a son who is maybe 3. And I wonder - does this guy have any idea how lucky he is to 'have it all'? He's young, good looking, great wife, two kids, happy family - how is it I never had those things? And may not ever at this point. Is it simply because he's got an apple pie sort of look that's made his life easier? People certainly can't see that on my resume, but they may see the resulting employment gaps caused by not having such looks. Studies have shown that those with the more traditional handsome guy look have more stable employment due to people having a desire to please that person. Thinking back to the Target interview and how both interviewers said I seemed very smart and would know more than everyone else in the store in that department, I can't help but wonder why I haven't been able to find anything. I just don't get it. Interviews go fine, boss people seem fine with me, I get along fine with people when I'm out and about, many positions I've applied to I have years of experience more than they require, yet I can't seem to find a job, friends or sweetie. It's like there is this invisible bubble around me that pushes people away when they get too close and influences them to turn away.

Feh. I don't know. Rambling now. Two hours till I move remain.

Time passes

Happy thought - I realized I don't have to leave for work till around 12:30. It takes like 10 minutes to get there. That gives me just under 1/2 hour of computer access before work. Not a whole lot, but it should be enough to do some tweaks to my Home Entertainment page that I wanted to do. It surprises me how much updating / adding to my site lifts my mood.

So, about 1/2 hour here in the car, 1/2 hour waiting outside their door, then 1/2 hour of access.

Time passes

Someone left some tasty lunch chips in a bag, one of those deli to go kind of bags. I think these are salsa chips. They are tortilla-like, but not salty. I like the salty ones best. So, I have additional tastiness with my lunch.

I did my site updates. It took less than five minutes. hehe. That's it for now I guess. k thx bye

Time passes

About 6:15 now. The day's computer access is over unless I want to go to the fast library. I think I'm good. I'll conserve gas and just stay at the lower hub.

Someone I helped back a few weeks ago sent some donation monies, so that's all happy. If I'm lucky that will flip to my account Tuesday and I can have some tasty nom for dinner. I may even have enough to have two or three real fast food meals for a few weeks, or at least some micro food - anything other than cheap chicken soups or $1 fast food items. Neither of those are enough food to sustain me for long on their own. I'm actually considering spending $2 tonight. I'm still starving from earlier and now all I have left are some cheap soups and some Pepsi, no snacks or other food at all. With this cold I should likely feed the hungry tummy and use my soups during the week since I have micro access then.

Not even 6:30 yet, but I guess I'll move over to the food parking lot and just chill for like an hour, walk over to get foods, then just wait out the two or so hours after till I can try and get in to the sleeping spot.

Time passes

Zomg. I can has Panda Express for teh free! I pull in to the lot at Safeway to park and wait, and one parking space over are two discarded lottery scratchers. Being me, I double check them. These were different from normal in that you can win from matching prizes or an instant win spot. Neither had the instant win spot scratched off. I scratch them. Ta-da! Instant win of $7. So, hungry tummy can have a tasty two item meal +1 all for teh free! Yeeeeaaa. About one hour to early to eat, but in an hour suuuuper yummy dinner with lots of tasty foods.

Time passes

"Versatility is one of your outstanding traits" (in bed). So true ^.^. Of course, the amount of fun that happens during sex0r is directly related to how compatible you are with your sweetie. Though I has no sweetie right now.

Day 97 - 10/6 - Paperback

Today is a somewhat mixed bag. I'd rate my mood as 'neutral, yet hopeful'. Hopeful for the future, that things will get better eventually. Neutral for a few reasons. I've got money on the way, both donations in cycle and my paycheck. But I can't spent any of it yet, so I'm hungry, restricted, and have things I need to pay for. Also, I got the programs I need from the garage, as well as dropping off my shorts and picking up an extra winter shirt. Unfortunately, the school computer blocked my most important program from installing, so I didn't bother trying the second. I'll try from the other campus tonight. I'm not sure if the program will only install to the default hard drive or if the access level was blocking installation entirely. I'd think I should have been able to choose the install directory, but it didn't give such an option.

I slept really amazingly well last night, and for quite a while. I'd estimate I got around 8.5 hours, which is more than ever before in the car. I basically got an average night's worth of bed sleep, though I'm still a touch cramped.

I'm mostly recovered from my cold, though congestion lingers, as does some general confusion and brain slowness.

I came to the cafeteria early, around 10. It is still super crowded, but the computer room was busy, so I didn't want to hog things too much.

I started converting the web form of Epic Fail to print form in paperback page size; the smaller ones you find with soft covers. By my estimate, if this were all there were (to hand written page 203) the final print form will be about 250 pages. Of course, we know this isn't the end, so Epic Fail will turn out to be just about the size of any other small paperback. I guess I'm kind of proud of that. As an (e-published) author I'd match other books. Of course I still feel a bit strange about the publication, as it's really just been a diary of my life and thoughts during this journey. But then again, all books are about a journey of some kinds, are they not? Only the story being told and places involved will differ. Well, that and the style and manner the story is told in. Epic Fail is an easy to read format drifting between crazy rambling, a more casual reporting style, and a free-flowing creative style. But above all, I suppose it entertains in all cases, and on occasion can inform and be philosophical.

Who knows how many lives it will touch and what impact it will have. As a knight of Fate I know that even if it touches just one person in a way that changes them or the way they view the world, then I have created something worthwhile.

Time passes

There is a super cute attractive blond girl in here today. Actually I've seen her most days. She's a happy hoppy bunny type, usually very noticeable and bouncy, and her smile lights the room. Today she's in almost all black, her shoulders slumped. She is obviously sad and her friends don't seem to notice. She's usually with six to ten or so friends at the table. There is some kind of celebration, a birthday or something. They've got a huge cake. I feel compelled to ask if she's ok and offer a kind ear to listen if she needs someone to talk to - not so much to flirt, I'm pretty sure she's taken, but because her friends don't seem to notice. I'll prepare a note and see if I get a chance to give it to her.

Time passes

Yikes! I flirted and was possibly sort of flirted at. Like 45 minutes passed while I held the note. I didn't want to charge in and have everyone stare at me. I tried to wait for an opening where far fewer of her friends would notice. I saw an opening and went over. She turned her head at the last second, so I had to gently touch her arm to get her attention as I crouched down. I was close enough that I felt the shift in air as her long curly hair moved, and it made me super shy and blushy. I didn't expect her to have that effect on me when I figured she's taken and wouldn't be interested, but there was a chemistry I hadn't really felt from further away, and her curious and open expression put me off a bit. I wasn't expecting it. I was expecting something neutral or uninterested. I said something like, "Hi. I have a note for you..." She bounced in with, "Oh? Who's it from?" I was derailed mid sentence and got more shy because I wasn't expecting her to respond, but I managed to say, "Me. ... So I'm going to give this to you then shyly run away." And she said, "Why?" Her tone, timing, and body movement suggested she was asking why I'd shyly run away, implying that she wasn't objected to the idea of talking with me, which totally made me eep and vibrate in a scared/nervous bunny way, and all I could think to say was, "Because I'm shy." She started reading the note so I continued to blush and hurried away. Of course I really had nowhere else to go, but with such a short encounter I couldn't really explain it's because I just wanted to offer her comfort if she needed or wanted. I couldn't really explain it was because she's one of the most attractive girls I've seen in years due to not just her physical looks, but the way she carries herself, moves, and what I've seen of her personality. I couldn't really explain that I'm really an odd mix of young and old that probably wouldn't interest her, and that I thought she likely already has someone because of her ring and interaction with a particular guy I've seen her with, so I felt silly even offering such potential comfort. I couldn't really explain it's because I'd love to be in her world if she found me interesting and let me, but that I'll likely just remain an outsider for several reasons.

I poofed out of range of seeing her before she was finished reading, so I don't know if anything will ever come of the note and flirting. (Unless she replies.) It was nice though to be seemingly welcome to talk to her.

Time passes

It's actually only been just over one hour since I gave her the note. She's still inside. I'm outside. Being 12:45 it was totally packed and I didn't want to take seats when others need them to have lunch. So, I'm out at the fountain. I'm sure if she doesn't spot me on her way out (there are several doors going different directions) that I'll see her at future lunches. I usually do.

I've gotten the .pdf form current, not counting the table of contents, index, pictures, and cover/back. It's a whopping 406 pages so far. I may need to reduce the font size or something. That sounds a bit large. It gets as big as it gets, but I never expected it to near 500+ book size pages.

Wow, it's really warm today. Here in the sun I'm actually getting too warm and parts of me are nearing the sweat point. Last night I was plenty warm when sleeping. It's possible the rain clouds trapped some warmth. Yesterday the day was chilly, but the night didn't get much colder.

I'm actually running out of things to do during my days. Epic Fail is current up to today, so only a few items could be inputted. Of course, I always have my TV shows, but I think the coming days will slow and I'll spend more time outside among the students observing and pondering, possibly doing homework.

Time passes

Odd time, 3:33. I always find it odd when I don't look at a clock for hours and hours (I don't wear a watch) and then I happen to notice the time matches up like that.

I did some more tweaking with the final book form of Epic Fail. It seems odd, and suddenly very important, for me to have it in the final form. I guess it's because it has a bit more substance than my previously posted works that were short story, poems, and random thoughts. I still feel odd that it's little more than the collected rambling of my day, but as it nears closer and closer to true book form I feel more accomplished. Anyone could e-publish such a book of rambling and philosophy, but how many do? Certainly many are doing blogs these days, but this seems more... It seems beyond what I've done with previous blogs and other collected thoughts I've posted.

Anyways, it feels like a big step of change. I still don't know towards what, or who it will affect how, but it seems increasingly more important lately, so much so I may also start posting the incomplete .pdf form.

Just Pepsi for a snack. My tummy would love to have found some more abandoned fries, but there aren't many people here and the tables are pretty much clear.

It's actually just short of one hour before I should go to the other campus and be ready for class. I can check to see if I can install the program I need to my USB there as well. Hopefully tomorrow some monies will have flipped and I can have fries if tummy still wants them, maybe even spend a bit too much and get something for dinner here. I'm thinking Thursday I'll get a pizza. It's been a while *ponders* nearly two months, and I suppose 100 days will be something worth celebrating. What it is celebrating... that I can't really say, other than that I've survived and maybe created something entertaining and possibly life altering in the mean time.

Day 98 - 10/7 - teh rabb1t is flirting?!

It always seems strange coming to the cafeteria after watching an episode of Terminator. While it is highly unlikely to happen, an apocalyptic future could happen at any time. Most industry experts predict artificial intelligence will match human intelligence within the next 100 years, possibly as little as 50. We have enough existing weapons to create any number of apocalyptic paths on our own already, not counting threats from beyond. We can't possibly be the only life in the universe, nor the smartest/most advanced species.

It's 11:30 now and it will be a hungry day. My money still hasn't flipped, so I have to wait till tomorrow for some, Thursday for the bulk of it. Today I've got soup and sodas. That's it. I have $1 in my wallet for a $1 food item. I needed to do that last night, as my tummy was screaming after class. I expect it will do the same today. Two lunch soups a day just isn't enough food to quiet the tummy. I won't even count that it doesn't offer much in nutritional value. It's ok. The one place shows some of the money transfer as complete, so that money is guaranteed for the morning. Oh, I should actually check the bank again. I suppose it's possible it cleared since I last checked at 8. Highly unlikely, but you never know.

Today has been a quiet day for me. I'm still very congested in my lungs, though my cough is nearly gone. I should get some meds at the health center before I forget. I forgot yesterday. My head hurts a bit, ears ache, a fair bit of pressure there still. I had a hard time getting to sleep last night, though I mostly felt normal in terms of my body being able to settle and be still enough to try and sleep.

I'm probably a bit quiet due to lack of job potential as well. Most job applications have been out for a while, so recently the only ones that may contact me are city jobs or school jobs. As mentioned, school positions are the ones I hope for most, so often they are the only ones I really care about. Also, surprisingly, they have had the best potential in terms of pay and benefits as well.

The day is warming up a bit more than I expected. Certainly not warm enough for shorts, but warm enough I will consider going with my sneakers tomorrow. I'd chosen my boots Monday due to the colder weather, as I tuck my pants in, so that keeps a bit more warmth in depending which pants I have on.

Epic Fail is effectively as ready as it can be now, both in terms of online and .pdf form. When I post the week Wednesday it is highly likely I will also post the first (in)complete .pdf version. I tweaked some spacing and sizes, but I think it is still around 350+ paperback pages in length. That's around what I expected though (back when I started the journal), somewhere between 350-400 complete. Being not complete it could wind up hitting closer to 500. Plus, I haven't added the pictures. That's what... say 15 good shots per series, so 45 pages so far for unposted / undeveloped pictures if I do one per page. Oh damn it, hehe. I had the program I needed for that but put it away this morning. Well, that's ok. I still have to get them developed first anyways. That may be a while. Plus, if one program installation was blocked the other likely would be as well.

Welp, noon now. Guess I'll go back out and continue my day; watch more shows, get the meds, check the monies, do my quiz, check for jobs, maybe do yet another spell check pass on Epic Fail. Bye for now.

Time passes

No progress on job stuff at all today. Multiple checks and nothing has come up. I did make a super thorough check of Epic Fail and I believe I've finally gotten all the spelling and minor tweaks.

The cutie messaged me saying thanks for the note. Eeep! *hides shy self* Still messaging as I write. It seems her aunt died and she had asked her peeps to not make a big deal about it. My bad. Fate's will that I interrupted that. She asked why I just didn't go over (at lunch). Yikes! I are too shy a bunny sometimes. But, this is a good thing. Only a few girls have had this effect on me ever. Could be a something, though I still don't know if she has a guy or not. *short time passes* This texting is time consuming, hehe. Gotta poosh buttons 50 million times. I hope this doesn't cost me anything. I think I have unlimited texts. I sure hope so. About 10 each way now. Zomg teh rabb1t are (text) chatting with a hawt grrrl.

Not sure what else to do today. It's just after 5, so I've still got a while here. The last show I have to watch was too jerky, so I stopped trying. Just short of 3 hours of access to try again. Checking for jobs is it really. Though I should try and see if my class books happen to be on this campus to read.

Seems the cuties messages have stopped. She said everything happens for a reason and I replied it sounded like something a fatalist would say and I was a servant of Fate. Maybe that scared her. It was meant to make her ponder or cheer her up a bit. I guess time will tell. She isn't here in the cafeteria, so I can't see if she seems upset. Could be in class. Phone is still charging. Guess I'll finish that then... I don't know what, heh.

Seems she just paused to cook. Phew. A few more messages back and forth now. Bad news / good news. I don't have messages as part of my plan. It's a flat $0.20 a pop. I'll guess that counts both ways. Good news, I wasn't that far over my free time last month, so I don't owe nearly as much as I thought I would. Awesome news, the cutie is single, and I've officially offered to cook for her and called her hawt and other flirty things.

I had to stop message flirting. We got up to 50+ messages back and forth. Such tiny little things... Ok, now I've officially told her she has a surprising and rare effect on me after she (again) invited me to join her peeps.

Time passes

It's 9. Everything is closed now accept for the cafeteria eating area and a few nearby bathrooms. I expect classes are still running too, since the cutie said she was leaving for class at 7. That's later than the classes at my campus. She likely won't get out till after 10.

I set my alarm to wake me up closer to 6:30 rather than 6:50. That way I have a bit of extra time to go look for something in storage. She was talking about how she put on the ring I saw as a reminder of her last breakup. I guess she was ready to get married and he bailed on her and now she's afraid to get that attached to someone / be in a long term relationship. Anyways, back in the day after my divorce, after I stopped wearing the ring, I was wearing what I call finger armor. It's this super light armor, but just for the one finger. They were all the rage about 10 years ago and have rapidly faded from favor since. Anyways, I sort of promised it to her if she wanted it, as I haven't worn it in forever. I'm pretty sure I still have it and it's in storage and I think I know where it is. If it's not where I think it is there is effectively zero chance of me finding it without going through everything I own, which is just about impossible right now. Hopefully I can find it and give it to her along with some rose tinted glasses, which I think she'd look really hawt in. She's already super hawt.

Maybe I'll meet her friends. She has pretty much invited me to her world/friends. Well, her friends. I have no invite to her personal/private world per-say just yet. I got her to continue chat via email due to the text costs, so who knows what will wait for me in the morning. I'm a sad bunny I can't check to see what she says right after her class when she writes it. Ah well. Knowing I can't get it till the morning maybe she will write more.

Maybe teh rabb1t can has friends. Maybe even someday a sweetie. This could be the start of resurrection.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008, 2009
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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