PC talk system recommendations blog Facebook YouTube articles and guides links bio
game screensots rabb1t's ramblings podcast email
Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.


Day 15 - 7/16

Lunch time; nothing new or interesting today so far. Only a few job apps sent with the morning batch. No calls or replies made. Some helpful tech posts on my boards. Eating my favorite lunch soup - the cheap Safeway brand chicken soup. I was kind of in the mood for one of the burger meals they have in the cafeteria here, but fooooo it's like $7-8, which is much more expensive than my $0.75 soup and like $0.30 Pepsi can. Yummy enough, and a low enough urge (for burger) my sad will go away and be fine later.

My rest/sleep is getting better. Now that I have the secret church spot I am starting to do ok enough that my mental state is nearing normal and I'm not too bad off physically in terms of cramping. Maybe tomorrow I will feel normal enough to consider checking out a book on scripting so I can read up on how to do that in my downtime. So far I've felt way too imbalanced to even want to consider trying to absorb new/complex infos.

Someone mentioned they would listen to me ramble on a podcast about things. I don't see how that's different from a blog, other than being my voice. I have been wanting to do video guides or video ramblings, but to do any of that I'd need new equipment. I suppose I could see if the library has anything on that (in terms of how-to books). Either way, advancing my hobby life is impossible without financial backing.

Still wish/hope I could get a portable. With whatever I do, job searching, posting, moving forward with podcasts or videos, having it would help until I get back into a home and on my desktop. Sort of a catch-22 if I have to spend money on it though. (As opposed to winning money in a contest, or by lotto, which I enter frequently. Pepsi has this daily $500 give away that would cover the cost.) There was a full-time temporary job I'd applied for that would have secured the money. Easy enough choice there, as no one will let me move in without a stable full time job (or super high-paying part-time.) Got a few part-time things I've applied for lately. I'd have the money after two or three weeks by doing that, but fooooo that would be like working part-time for nothing for that time. But still... reduced connection on Friday, and effectively no connection Saturday or Sunday... that's rough on morale. It's ok I suppose for job searching, nothing moves during the times I'm out of contact, but still, so much hobby stuff I could be doing during that time.

Ah well. Not unlike a collectable card game, all I can do is wait for the other person to move before I can really plan my next move or make strategies.

Time passes

Snack time. I think I got enough sleep I won't need a nap today. I've taken one every day so far since I've been homeless, but I'm not really tired today. I guess that's a good thing, body all being normal and all.

I guess I should go to this open interview at In-n-Out Burger. I would really hate working there, but, well, as I've said online a few times lately, 'it's better to have a job you aren't happy with than no job at all'. In this case though I'm sure it would be just a few hours a week. I've gone there a few times and there only seem to be a few people I've seen more than once. I guess though at even say 12 hours a week that would still be roughly $120 more a week. Not enough to really do anything with, but I could at least take my credit card payments off hold and get that off my back. It really pisses me off though that even these part time people aren't calling me. Like there was this internship position I applied for, exactly the kind of entry-level job my degrees qualify me for, and I didn't get it.

Well, I suppose the gods have other plans for me. I still continue to debate tech, games, and help people out on the boards, so at least I have that I can offer others even if it gives me nothing in terms of money.

Hum... nothing else for now I guess. Pretty uneventful day so far. Interesting threads to post to, but job and story wise my plot does not advance.

Time passes

Dinner time... there is noone here; like maybe 10 people total with a sign that says 584 max occupancy. I have a few minutes for dinner to cool. I found some tortilla chips someone left. Kinda stale, but they kind of start out that way, heh. The interview was the first in a multi-phase thing, how crazy is that? Just for a burger job? Sheesh.

Stouffers micro foods... this "lasagna noodles in meat sauce" (not a baked lasagna) is super yummy. It gets a 10 out of 10 for micro foods. I was super hungry and got two dinners. They are actually kind of small, but hey, they were on sale for $2.50 and $1. The $1 spaghetti noodles & meatballs are kinda bleh. Meatballs get an 8 of 10 for micro foods, but the noodles and sauce are kind of icky; I'd say maybe 3 of 10. So that brings the dish down to an overall 6 of 10. But again, it was $1, heh. Hopefully this meal won't wreak too much havoc on my system. My tummy has been super fragile since I got really sick back in 2003. I had a stomach flu, upper repertory infection, and I think a general cold all at once (so the Doc said.) I was getting sick for about a month, could hardly keep anything down, and for about 3 months after I still randomly got sick if I strained my system in any way. I used to be able to pound lasagna, pizza, fast food, anything at all. Now... red sauce is dangerous. I've been lactose intolerant all my life, but since then it also seems to extend to even the slightest relation - like butter in cookies, cake and other tasty goods. So, it's like I can have one, maybe two, cupcakes in a night or maybe one ho-ho, but if I exceed those I'm risking things.

7:10... right now I would normally be watching Jeopardy, hardly answering any questions, waiting for Wheel, the time I normally start cooking. It's so sad when I'm doing something and think ' 'k, time to go back home' somewhere in my mind. It still seems like a terrible dream I can't wake up from, one that keeps taking terrible turns. Times I'm on my boards, day time, these times are easier. It seems easier to put the sad things out of my mind. Nothing is where it should be. My shoes are on my feet when I should be barefoot. I'm fully dressed, and I should be wearing my house cloths. My bunnies are closed up tight in a bag across the table from me, when they should be happily sitting on my pillow. Pepsi in my backpack, and in my car, instead of in the fridge and piled up in my room. My world is shattered and nothing will ever be the same.

Day 16 - 7/17

Early lunch time. Totally hungry. Cute blond in here today. I'm sittin' near her, hehe. Oooh actually a few cuties in here today. Maybe I should go to lunch early every day. Mmmm one walked by smelling like flowers. I like the flower perfumes. Maybe because I'm less allergic.

Stupid ass "work" still owes me a day of pay from 2.5 weeks ago. I guess my new dumb ass boss didn't relay my message I left him 1.5 weeks ago to fix that.

Nothing really new today. Had to wait in line to use the computers to do my stuff. It would be so much easier if I had a Wind or Eee PC. I had thought late last night - they aren't totally gaming disabled. They should be plenty strong enough to run something like Diablo 2.

Couple of guys just plopped down near the super cutie. I'm not sure if they are flirting... op, most certainly selling something. They took out a flyer and now it looks like they took out some order form thing. Ah well, thought I was gonna get to see them try and flirt at her, hehe. Shot down, hehe... and off they go, straight out the cafeteria. How odd they ignored everyone else.

But yeah... nothing new yet today. Notice about the rebates for the Nvidia GTX 260/280 for the early adopters; at least from Evga and BFG, who both pwn, which is why I always have them in my recommendations. Likely not important to those reading this as the price on things change all the time and I expect it could be quite a while before this journal is posted/published.

So yeah... nothing going on. Friday tomorrow. Weekends are normally a happy time for people, but a time of no job searching and total boredom for me. At least I have Dark Knight to look forward to Saturday night. That's kept me going. I'd really like to see Iron Man, Wanted, Hulk and Wall-E, but with my income what it is, Hellboy 2 and Dark Knight will have to do.

Time passes

Snack time. Again I'm ok on not taking a nap. Things are looking up in terms of my rest/sleep and subsequent mental state/function level. A bunch of the library systems just went down, including the only three I can do my primary job searching from. Looks like I may not be able to look for a job for the rest of the day.

I just saw the first two (of three) parts of "Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog", created by Joss Whedon. Joss' stuff is full of win. I guess they take it down after this weekend and will ask a small fee for iTune downloads and release it on DVD later. I will so have to get the DVD, hehe. I'd alert you guys, but the three stations I could try and use are down. Plus, I'm not sure how many blog hits I'm getting what with my offline time.

Huuummmm... that's the highlight of today so far... Dr. Horrible... no calls on previous jobs applied for, no calls on new ones... more waiting. I really wish I had at least 20 hours a week. That would at least cover my non-house rent bills and I could have a normal life, you know, minus having a place to live. At least then I could still look at buying new games or movies. Granted I couldn't watch/play them, but the option to buy would at least be there. Ah well, still some time left this week to get something, but this week's window is coming to a close.

Time passes

I decided to see if I could update my site. I brought GoLive and the site on my USB flash drive thingy. Things got updated ok, so woot for that, but I kind of epically failed and over-wrote my other domain's index with the rabb1t index. I had to run to my ex-home and grab my last backup disk to have the files to fix that. Took about 1/2 hour, but it got fixed easy enough.

I withdrew the last of my food monies on the way. I have no clue how I'll have enough to eat. I've got a few small donations cycling in which will help for a day or two. I'll have to stretch things out by skipping major meals, just do my lunch soups then a cheap self made sandwich every other dinner. It only cuts costs by a few dollars, cheap In-n-Out Burger is $4.50 for a burger, fries, and fountain drink vs. a couple of dollars of salami and a baguette, making roughly three sandwiches for about $1.25 each, plus drinks, so like $4.50 vs. $2. Still... maybe it will help me hold on long enough. Donations from people have really helped me stretch things on this far. Let's hope I can stretch things out till more donations, or more income, finds it's way to me. Otherwise...

Day 17 - 7/18

What a crazy bunch of people we must be to aliens. Here we are, against astronomical odds of even being alive, here on this planet, which has such a delicate and tiny range of temperature and weather to sustain us, and all we really care about is trying to make a buck and getting ahead of 'the other guy' so we can have more than our current share of stuff. How crazy is that? I've always been more communistic or socialistic than not in my thinking, agreeing more with a Star Trek lifestyle and I guess this is why I don't understand why others don't help each other out more. The odds are fantastic that this planet became what it is (geologically). The odds are fantastic that there is life (temperature, weather conditions). The odds are beyond fantastic that we are alive now (though someone would be alive, right?). Why in our very short cosmic existence has there been so much fighting? So much struggle? So much suffering? So many scrambling to get to the top, the little guy gets squished? We need to really slow down. Advance technology to help us, not to make a buck. Work to help us, not to beat out the other guy. Offer what we do because we enjoy it, and ideally, are at least somewhat good at it. We need to be kind and peaceful and work at things we want to do for the pleasure of doing something we can share with others.

I don't really know how I can spark change other than writing this down, words which have been expressed by others before, but if I could have one truly genie like gift it would be to create, just for even one minute, a global-galactic unified consciousness. Make everyone aware of and see the beauty and wonder around them; to make everyone realize just how rare and precious life is. Stop the fighting. Stop the greed. Be kind, peaceful, and work for the enjoyment of what you are doing, and hopefully better the lives of others by doing so.

Time passes

Had lunch at the fountain. There is a different momma duck with 12 baby ducks. I'm glad I had that sandwich now. I shared my lunch with the ducks. Momma ducky kind of hoarded the foods. I had to get a bunch of pieces set up, then lure her close and toss them past. A few babies got the foods before momma ate them all.

There is a cutie here too. She's got a full on camera setup. Probably in a lower level photography class. I think I helped her get some cool ducky shots. The babies are so cute with their downy feathers. She didn't flirt with me yet at all. Had this been a comedy, she'd have taken my picture and said hi. She did laugh and stuff at my telling momma duck to let the babies eat. She went back to her area now (the cutie) and checked her phone and is having lunch. More than likely she has a guy even though she has no ring. As Harold Crick said, "This won't make any sense to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy."

I did get a phone interview set up for Monday. It's at Stanford, so that's super prestigious. Nice campus though. Kind of far from my current not-home base. It's a bit above me skill/knowledge/experience wise, so I doubt I'll be high on the candidate/applicant list. But, you gotta try for things above you or you'll never learn anything new and grow as a person. I guess the interview I went to earlier in the week isn't interested. She said she was looking to get someone started next week, so they would have contacted the hire-ee probably yesterday or early morning today at the latest. Nearing noon; It's unlikely they want me. Ah well.

Momma on the grass now, resting with the babies under her. Cutie sitting in some shade eating her lunchies. Teh rabb1t... waiting...

Time passes

Yeeeeaaaa. Teh rabb1t is at least somewhat attractive. When I left schoolie the cutie saw me. She was sitting with a friend and they were doing something. She smiled and waved. Yeeeeaaa. So that was happy. Still, I didn't flirt because, well, she didn't seem interested in flirting and I didn't want to scare her, heh. If it was meant to be Fate will have us meet again.

At the laundry now. I did faux laundry today. I took my socks and undies with me into the shower this morning. Dropped them into a doubled Safeway bag, gave it a tiny bit of laundry soap, sloshed them around for a bit, totally squeezed them out. So the wash was for teh free. Drying them now. Should be 0.50 - 0.75 to dry. Hopefully they will be clean enough to because right now it's like $3-5 to wash and dry everything per week and that's a lot. Mostly the only stuff that needs to go every week are socks, underwear, and my towel.

Got a couple of hours to kill at Golfland then it's off to "work". Hopefully I can find some micro foods for teh cheap. Saturday and Sunday I'm on my own for foods. I'll probably go ahead and go with In-n-Out Burger Saturday since I'll have the movie. Don't want to be in the movie and distracted with being hungry. Though I will be going a couple of hours early. I figure there will be a line for pre-bought people. Of course, I normally get to movies like 45 min to 1 hour early anyways. I tend to always go opening or 2nd weekend, so they are somewhat crowded. In my opinion you should only ever go to movies on opening weekend. You should go for the experience of going with the crowd. Of course, if you only have small theaters near you it isn't the same as opening weekend with a large crowd in a large theater. Anyways... cloths nearly dry...

Well, didn't get as dry as I would have liked for $0.75. Car as a drier for teh winz. Hate to do it 'cause these car parts aren't clean, ick. How dirty are these parts? Probably never been cleaned nor ever can be. I wonder if car manufacturers consider that - how dirty the interior can get and not be cleaned. Just think about the steering wheel and stuff. Yikes! Makes me want to get antibacterial wipes and wipe it and the shifter like weekly.

Time passes

At "work" again. I was wrong about the dinner before that was meh. It was a "Banquet" dinner, who use the exact same color scheme as Stouffers. Banquet ones are often on sale for $1 each and mostly meh in taste, but hey, it's a buck. I got a meatloaf one, and I'm sad because I thought it was Salisbury steak. Meatloaf needs teh banzor; It's tricked me before. For later I have another super yummy Stouffers one, "Lasagna bake with meat sauce". (The one I had before.) Not too bad on cost, like $3.75-4.00 in total. Compared to the hamburger at In-n-Out Burger at $4.50... hum... tough to decide which would have been the better deal. I'll probably go cheap on foods for Saturday lunch, Sunday lunch, and Sunday dinner. I should be able to watch spending and keep it under my $7 day limit. YUCK!!! These potatoes taste like feet!!! Good thing the Stouffers micro is my real dinner.

Day 18 - 7/19

Just had a tasty lunch. I got some more sandwich fixings for today and tomorrow. Big surprise though, double-loaf bread. For those who don't know, every now and then two baguette breads get cooked too close together and smash together, creating a big one they sell at the single one price. So that was a minor win.

Saw the third part of Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog today. *spoilers* Such a saaaaaaddd ending. But, that's the way of Joss Whedon things sometimes. Of course, it was a truly great story of who is really a villain, who is really a hero, and how they may truly become what they are. *end spoilers*

There is a guy here at the Golfland who looks eerily like one of my ex-friends. We hung out a lot when I was like 17 to about 30(?) and I didn't see him again until like 6 years later when I went for an interview at Atari. It would be too weird if this were him, two years after that. This guy appears to be the dad of a family, and my ex-friend was gay, so... he did have a sister though... Nope. Close enough to hear and see a bit clearer. He's like a 95% match for a body double. Eerie.

It's really sad I don't have any really close friends that are like best friends. When I watch Big Bang Theory or How I Met Your Mother it really makes me wonder where all my close best friends are. Why don't I even have any regular friends? While I seem super sad sometimes in my blog and certainly here, usually I am happy and friendly. I just don't get it. While I've been watching the Golfland network there have been packs and packs of friends. Sure, it's the kind of place that attracts groups of people, but still, all these years going to college, gaming and going to the local video game store, not one offer of friendship or date? Maybe it's like they say with Fate - if you are ready for the relationship it will come. Being in my current situation it certainly would make dating difficult. I certainly couldn't offer to cook for a sweetie at my place then watch a movie on my stuffs, certainly couldn't invite a friend over to play my games, but still...

Well, at least it's 1. Only about 3.5-4 hours before I get ready for Dark Knight. At least I have that to boost morale. Going a few hours early, as I mentioned, so maybe I'll find some peeps that are friendly there. Probably everyone like that went last night. I'm sad I missed that fun.

Ah well. Not much else to say. Being Saturday there were no jobs to apply for and no replies. Guess that one that was excited to meet me found someone better. Guess I'll keep their info maybe till Wednesday; wanting someone to start on Monday, it's well past time to inform the winner.

Time passes

zzz... I'm gonna go crazy when school is closed and every day is like the weekends. 16-18 hours of awake time, no Internet, my brain goes crazy. It's been about 1.5 hours since my last writing and I've thought of about half a dozen things to check on the Internet and a few I could have occupied my time with (such as looking at the now NDA dropped Lich King talents.) *sigh* Hopefully I can get my laptop before my free time at school is up. Many days like this and my brain would die of boredom. Of course, without change I won't have enough to keep buying as much food/gas as I need, heh.

Time passes

zomg zomg zomg zomg ZOMG!!!! How will anyone ever top Dark Knight? Even if you aren't a Batman fan and don't know the characters there is win all over the place. It's awesome for the Batman fans who know the characters and still amazing if you don't. This will be the action movie people will talk about for decades. I just don't see how anyone could top it. Wooooooooo!!!! I totally look forward to getting it on Blu-ray at the end of the year. Hopefully they can turn it around quickly now that the high-def war is over and Blu-ray is the victor. I totally look forward to getting Hellboy 2 as well, already have 1, but Dark Knight, zomg zomg ZOMG!!! WOOOO! I don't see how anyone could replace Heath Ledger though, the perfect Joker.

Time passes

Getting so cold at night. What with my convertible soft-top bleeding out all my heat that doesn't help things. I'm so tired lately at night. I just want to go back home to bed, but I have neither *sniff* *cry*

Day 19 - 7/20

So it's Sunday again. Normally a day people sleep in, hang out with friends and play games, but not for me. For me it is a day of ultimate suck. Nothing opens till like noon and I have next to no Internet access, just 1-2 hours.

At least I've found that the college parking structure has a plug near my regular morning parking space. Charging my phone as we speak, lol. At least that's a positive, as I could charge my portable should/when I can afford one. The new very high-end Asus Eee PC 1000H isn't as expensive as their previous high-end. (The new one has a regular hard drive while the old one has a flash drive bank.) It's still really expensive at $650, but that is still within the range of a couple of weeks work should I find a something that's 20 hours a week at a reasonable pay level. Being homeless wouldn't be quite as terrible if I had constant web access to talk on boards, play games, surf teh Intarwebs, maybe even play Diablo 2. And, of course, having constant unrestricted access to my job sites and regular email would be an immense help. Anyways, I've talked about that quite a bit already.

I wonder if there is a drug deal going on or something. This guy pulled up a while ago, waited around for about 15 min, then this girl showed up (playing extremely loud music). They talked a minute ago then the guy went into the girl's car while leaving his door wide open. Can't see into her back window, it's this tiny slit of a thing. Wouldn't surprise me if they were though. It's pretty patrol free here. I don't even think I've seen a patrol car in the parking structure outside of two total times in these past few weeks. They have pee-ons check for parking stickers, and they only do that during peak hours.

Hum, nope, they is good peeps. The guy went back to his car to get some blue work-out looking cloths and now they just walked away and she had a pink bag, presumably also with work out cloths.

Well, at least it's 10 now; 1 hour closer to things being open. I wonder if Target is open. At least that would give me parking lot people to watch. *short drive* Yup, it's open. And, of course, the GameStop near by is also open. Not a real good people watching spot. Though I don't know if any parking lot really has one. Golfland does, but that's because you park right along side the golf course. I suppose Frys would be open too now, but that would be an even less interesting place to watch shoppers as people mostly just buy small things, like CDs, disk drives, media, etc. You can't even really window shop at Frys as a gamer anymore as the local retail outlet has stopped carrying high-end graphic cards and such. Pretty much $250 is where they cap graphics. I don't think they ever really carried things like higher end gamer mice or keyboards. Though I did get my Saitek keyboard there back in the day. I suppose you could peep (console/PC) games though just fine.

You know, I think people set off their own car alarms by being idiots more often than alarms go off because of someone trying to break into them.

It was pretty chilly this morning, but it seems to be warming up pretty quickly. That or it's because my car window is facing the sun and I'm cooking myself car style, heh.

Sheriff cruising into the lot. You know, I'd say a good 1 out of every 5 times I've been here I've seen a police car in the lot. Looks like he just cruised through to change direction, but still, seems like they are here in the lot a lot. ... lot-a-lot? heh.

Maybe I'll go pee at Target then kill some time window shopping at GameStop through used PS3 and DS games. Not like I have a DS, that stupid Pile-Up game still cheats. Haven't had the money to play in a few days, but the last time I did it seemed like the machine cheated three times in the last grid before the win. 10:30 now; Still quite a ways till Intarweb access or Golfland network is on. Suppose if the girl manager boss is in GameStop I can see if she got authorized to hire more yet.

LOL! I started putting socks in the back of my air leaking soft-top and I just noticed the ones I put in at the college are still in there. Granted it's like a one minute drive from there to here, but still, hehe.

So Dark Knight made me super happy about my decision to play Death Knight when Lich King comes out. Offensive tank often suits my play style much better than defensive. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I have a Warrior, maxed 60 before the Burning Crusade, who was a mortal strike Arms/Protection split. From the Alpha talents, it looks like Blood/Frost Death Knight would match my style well. Wish I had my laptop to fiddle with talents. Anyways, there are kind of two play styles I like. One of 'I'll take the hits and trust you to do enough damage to kill this', typically Paladin or Defensive Warrior style, and 'I'll take the hits and beat the crap out of this because if I don't your squishy ass is dead', which is more offensive Warrior type. At various times in my life I've moved between those roles. I actually started as cleric in EQ. Played for 1.25 years post launch. Back in the day I was only one of about three true Dark Elf Clerics. (There was a mask that allowed people to pretend to be dark elf.) My RP style, and showing it could be done, apparently inspired several future generations of DE clerics. I knew a lot of people who leveled up with me then started a DE cleric alt, heh. (Some even made it their new main.) Where am I going in the future? I don't know. I have always had that protective self-sacrificing instinct. I really liked the FFXi Paladin, but I found the release version Paladin in WoW too confusing for me. In Beta it was quite different. They had a few attack moves, I think a direct damage spell, two different invulnerability shields; They were closer to a D&D Paladin, which I liked equally as Warrior. After the revamp and the addition of judgments they were interesting, in a strategic card game way, but for me it seemed confusing compared to the old style, and I stuck with Warrior. I hate not having self heals, which is one reason Death Knight looks more appealing, and I love controlling critters with taunts. No taunts with DK and I may have a hard time with it. I may have to switch to a Warrior with titan grip.

Actually getting a bit too warm in the car now, crazy. I think I'll pee and go window shopping for a bit.

K. Thx for reading, bye.

Time passes

Bah, that only killed like 20 minutes. I did get the 'happy near game buff' on me. That should keep me buffed for about 20 minutes, hehe. I don't know. It just felt so nice to be near the games and I could even play a few demos if I wanted.

I can see why there were rumors about (GameStop) not stocking PC games. They were all protected behind the counter in a single case; granted it's a smaller store. Plus, most purchases of PC games would be when they are brand new. Stock would come in then go, while post release sales, I'd bet, are primarily done on-line. I asked the clerk and he said people were complaining about the CD keys being stolen. I guess that is a valid risk, though I'd bet that's more a case of someone pirating it themselves then claiming the key was stolen. I bet it's not too long before we see printed keys go away and keys are assigned online and bound to the user. I would think it would be so much easier for a company to control and track that way. But then, I guess if it were they would already do it.

Hum, getting hungry. Still like 40 minutes till Intarweb access. Guess I'll go ahead and have lunch. Have to be careful though. Too much salami and Pepsi in above warm temperatures tends to upset my tummy. I think I've talked about how I got way sick and haven't been as... resilient... in terms of foods since then.

Time passes

Here at Golfland. Feeling kind of guilty. It's totally completely packed in the parking lot. People are having to shark around to get a spot and here I am, gonna sit here for about 5 hours till dinner, then come back and sit for another 2.5 hours or so. Big time family fun day on Sunday. I guess Saturday must be individual fun, or fun with friends, and Sunday is reserved for family. Me... I'm just here 'cause it's the only remotely interesting thing, and sometimes I can spend a dollar or two in the arcade at least pretending to be a normal person.

Time passes

4:30... time drags on. Seen some cuties, so that's always fun. I can has golf ball. Someone lost it and left it lost. About 1/2 hour later I hopped the fence and claimed it. I'm a golf club away from infinite golf. Nothing really else going on. About three hours till dinner. It seems to have just been bad when I got there. Since then it's been a fairly steady flow of people coming and going - no sharking cars since.

Time passes

7:40 Decided to get dinner early at 7. I was totally completely starving. I went against money savings and went to get cheezburger. Plus, my tummy didn't want more grease from the salami. I know, I know; Grease from hamburgers isn't all that different. I figured I'd be ok, plus I got extra drinks for teh free. But now... foooooo upset and totally full tummy. I drank two full drinks there, as my body was low on soda today. Only had one so far and I normally have 3-5 cans worth a day. And, I took another full one with me. So that's win, but eeek! Need to go to the bathroom. Poor unhappy tummy. I wish I had more money to go to a real restaurant and stop putting all these bad greasy foods in it.

Time passes

Nearly 9. I saw "Sega" again. Actually I've seen her several nights now. I'd say she was here every two to three nights. She can't have a boyfriend from what I've seen, or they'd be together at home more; Unless he works at night and that's when she comes. She had a "Sony" lanyard this time. I wonder if she really has both or if I remembered wrong from before. Again, I was basically invisible to her. Same as the night before. (I think it's been "Sony" all along and I didn't remember correctly before for some reason. It's a "Sony HDNA" lanyard, which I guess is a new laptop line.)

Ah well, I know I'm likeable. Several people have smiled or nodded at me. Just this morning I chatted with someone about cell phones while waiting in front of GameStop for it to open. Sadly I was not chatting with the super cute blond next to the person I wound up chatting with, heh. Anyways, plenty of proof that my Charisma is certainly a 12, as is my Strength, Dexterity, Intelligence and Wisdom. The problem is that 12, while above average, isn't phenomenal. (Well ok, I suppose my Wis and Int may be closer to 14.) I really think the problem lies in the fact that I have 2d6 Luck, but 3d6 Unluck. The luck rolls don't happen very often, but I don't seem to get anywhere near as lucky as unlucky. Few Betas, sure, in fact I was invited to one I'd loved to have joined, but I'm homeless and can't act on that. The Wii was the biggest, but man, I've never been lucky with finding sweeties, never lucky with getting good jobs, horribly unlucky with how jobs have treated me. *sigh* Sometimes I wonder if living a life of highs and lows really is better than near normal 100% of the time. The only real positive thing I can say about it is that it hasn't been boring.

Day 20 - 7/21

Lunch time. Not so much going on. Mondays are often times a bit slow. Interview went ok I guess. I didn't feel too confident about it, but I'm honest, and honestly it's a touch above my experience. But, as I said before, if you don't try and move forward you won't learn anything new.

Got to watch Burn Notice, full of spy win, and Psych, full of lol win. Going to watch Monk in a bit after my post-lunch job search.

So... um... yeah. Can't think of anything else to talk about. Day 20, nearly 3 weeks now. How sad is that? At least my health and sleep seem to have stabilized for the moment.

Time passes

The day continued to be slow, nearly over now (the "day" portion). Applied for a few more jobs, nothing really exciting though. Updated my site with current prices. They were pretty far behind. Official talent calculators got updated with the Lich King talents and they added Death Knight. I messed around with Death Knight talents and a titan Warrior build.

Killing a bit of time in the cafeteria. I have to go meet some peeps for a school project in a bit. One person is doing like everything, which is never good for a group project. If she flakes I will have wasted that gas money. It is only a few dollars I suppose, but still, right now if I paid off Comcast and AT&T what I owed them I'd have a negative bank account, so I'm balancing at less than zero. I'm ok to owe them for a bit I think. Hopefully get some donations to help out with those costs. I really really need to find a part-time something until I can get a full-time something... or two part time somethings could work. But ug, this not really having income is killing me. Like 20 hours a week at $15 would cover all my non-home bills. It would suck to continue to be homeless, but at least with that I could get my laptop and not need to worry about things like having enough money to eat. Bleh. Out of my hands. As I always say, I can apply, I control that, but that's it. I can't mind control these people into hiring me.

Time passes

Decided to try out Panda Express. It was yummy. ^.^ Kind of expensive though, but not as bad as Mr. Chow's. It was about $6.50 for two items plus rice. It was super tasty though, a nice reverse celebration. Reverse in that all my recent applications seem to be falling through and not yielding good results. Plus, reverse in that three weeks of homelessness isn't something worth celebrating. I guess a celebration though of me. I am a good person, kind, very considerate, possibly overly compassionate, friendly, certainly overly honest, and still very youthful and reasonably cute and attractive. All things to be thankful of / happy about. I guess it did lift my spirits a bit. But then, new and different things often do. My fortune is a bit of a mixed blessing, "Your sense of humor is a joy to all." Hell, cool deal, but I knew that already. The confusing part comes when you add on "in bed". Now I wonder if this is still a good thing. I suppose so, but when you are in bed with a sweetie laughing often isn't the highest priority. Although, laughing in bed will outlast great sexor in terms of physical capability to do both activities. I suppose everyone could agree you can live very well laughinig with someone in bed and only having meh sex, but never laughing with someone... not even great sex will hold that relationship together forever.

So here we are at Golfland again. It's been about three days since I fed that devil machine. I think I'll pop in $1 or $2, curse at it for cheating, then feel glad for taking a chance on myself. You never know, right? You won't ever be surprised if you don't take chances.

Time passes

Sony is here again. I think she's here at least every other night. You know, people complain about $15 a month for MMOG fees, but these can't be people who have ever played arcade games. At the arcade you can drop $5 and you are lucky if it lasts you 1/2 hour. She must easily drop $50 a month or more. I wonder if she works at Sony. She's awfully young for that. I don't think they have any offices around here. More than likely she, like me, got her lanyard thingy at an event she went to. I know Sega has offices close by, and Nintendo, as well as several others. I do live in the Silicon Valley after all. A lot have moved down south though, to the San Diego area, or up north to Canada, and east to Texas. Anyways... sat down a couple feet away from me and ignored me again. Kinda hurts. Reminds me of the girls who have avoided me in the past. But I don't think she ignores me for any bad reasons. I think she's just in this world where the only people who exist are the ones who play the games she plays (and the people she texts). I don't know if I'd want to be friends with someone that obsessed. I had a good friend like that once, obsessed about EQ. When I left we really didn't have anything else to talk about because he stayed stuck in EQ. I eventually stopped hanging out with him, which was sad because prior to his being obsessed we had a lot in common and did a lot of things together.

Heh, so much for me thinking this would be a short chat day, eh? I suppose though they will begin to rapidly get shorter. It doesn't seem like I've repeated too much, but I'm sure I have. Each section is a full day for me, so I've forgotten how much I've mentioned the little things. Anyways, job hopes, Asus Eee Pc, MSI Wind dreams, games I miss - all topics I've done several times now. Not sure how interested you'll be if I just keep saying those over and over. I expect soon the journal will dwindle to a few one liners per day. Mind you, I'd love to keep saying new and different things, but, well, this is supposed to be about thoughts or experiences inspired by my journey and really not much going on so far. As always, let's hope tomorrow is a better day.

Day 21 - 7/22 - End of week 3

Extra sad day. I had hoped by now I would nearly have the money saved up to start looking at a place. Instead I'm as bad off as day 1, and in some ways, worse off.

My life plans haven't been going as I'd hoped ever since I was about 20, so I learned long ago to not make plans and just enjoy what you do have. On the one hand I have my health. My weight, sadly, is back up near 180 (pounds). I say sadly as I'd like to be back down around 170, less asthma and endurance issues when I'm in that range. (I'm 5'8" for those curious.) On the other, I'm just about as low as I can get. Yeah my car works, which is awesome, but I effectively have zero money, zero savings for a family or retirement, no sweetie, no friends. My job and my future are effectively out of my hands as all I can do is keep applying and keep attending classes towards more experience that will help get my foot back in the door in a career I can be happy with.

I don't think it's too much to ask. I just want my 'fair share' of space, enough money for food and fun, a few good friends and a sweetie. I think everyone deserves at least that.

Time passes

So after class just now I found myself rushing home. I was in a big hurry to get there to cook and watch some TV, take off my boots, relax. But I knew, consciously, that I had nowhere to go. Maybe it was because we had fun in class. Maybe because I did a presentation and the reduction in stress, or the attention I got, or how it was like we were all playing together... whatever it was, I felt... I guess valued, like I had worth, like people were actually paying attention to me... happy and satisfied, for once, in ... months. Not just the time I've been homeless, but even longer. Of course, not having a home to rush back to (just an overall area with a few locations I frequent), not having a dinner to cook, not having TV, not having my chair to set up and relax in, not having my system to do my homework paper on, or surf my boards... it all makes me very sad again.

I wonder sometimes if I'm bipolar. I suppose I could be, I've never been checked out for it, but then I've also never earned enough to truly be in a happy and secure place both emotionally and physically. So, due to my dual interest in both psychology and sociology I'd always wonder how much is biology based and how much is environment based.

Hamburger is nearly ready. I guess that's it for now.

Day 22 - 7/23

Ok day so far. Started a bit early. The library was open when I looked at 8:45, which is odd as I thought it opened at 9. Put out some ok resumes, updated my site, which always makes me happy, though this was just a blog update, so me rambling about things basically, heh. The Asus Eee PC 1000H price is down to $600 already (from $650-700) so that's helpful should I decide to / am able to get one.

Having lunch way early at 10:30 now. The cafeteria is down to one of three microwaves, so microing early is good. There will, no doubt, be a large line later.

Time passes

Soooo hungry today. It's noon and I'm starving again. I decided to pay way too much to try out the chicken shapes. $3.25 for like 15 'nugget' shapes is a lot. Hum... I give them a 6/10 for yummyness. I haven't had much chicken lately, which is the total opposite of normal for me. Most of what I cook involves chicken. Ah crap the pen died. I knew that was coming. So much for smooth rolly writing. I hate how pencils scratch where they write. It's like how some people are bothered by plastic wrap. This isn't quite as bad though. Anyways... normally I get a big bag of frozen "chicken tenders" which is $8-10 depending, then cook up two or three strips per meal. That usually lasts me like 1.5 to 2 weeks I'd guess? What with all my cheezburger eating I'm way overloaded on red meat lately. Not, I suppose, a bad thing, just unusual.

I looked at a java scripting book the other day. I didn't see that it could teach me anything I don't have in Flash already. I wonder what the elements are that I want to do. Have to do some research I guess.

You know... I really like Apple's sliding bar thing at the bottom from an aesthetic/UI standpoint. But, I wonder if Apple realized what a terrible space eater it is when you are actually running a program. I haven't designed on a Mac in years, but yikes, lost space for teh lose.

Aaaahhh happy tummy. And, I have half my nuggets for later.

Here's an odd thought... mini-Blu-ray. You know those small DVDs that could hold a few gig, think about a mini-Blu-ray. All these people with laptops... I wonder if such a device would be good for that. Certainly could reduce the drive size. Though, I guess that wouldn't work for music CDs or movie DVDs.

Groups of people... moving around like herds. I wonder if that's part of why I'm always on the outside; being an observer, a hunter, the stalker skirting the edge. Animals can sense motive, sense intelligence by sight; Can people as well? I don't see why not, at least at a subconscious level. I have a keen eye for body language and emotion, so I don't see why others couldn't notice at a subconscious level. Do these indicators play a part in making friends? I suppose they are there all the time. I've often wondered if such imperceptible qualities play a role in job hunting. I'm sure they do, but can a hunter truly mask themselves to blend in with the prey? Hum.

You know... even if I wanted to get a new pen I don't know if I could. I don't think I've ever seen a bookstore here. Suddenly this strikes me as very odd, to not even know if the campus has a bookstore. Guess that is something to investigate later.

Time passes

Got an "extra" shift at work, oh and a $0.69 pen. I will call it the sex pen till I forget, which will likely be tomorrow, hehe. Work is so boring, but at least it's more monies. That will help. Put out a few more apps since this morning, but they were pretty much all part time things today. Too bad I don't have monies to move in with someone yet, there are a couple of good room posts. Of course, I'm really hoping to get enough to consider my own place. That's not likely though, as all my higher paying apps have pretty much run out or they simply never gave me a call back. Hopefully more will come up for it to be possible.

Can't really think of much else to say. Laundry later tonight. That's about as exciting as my life has gotten lately. That and things on sale I can't afford, heh.

Day 23 - 7/24

I can haz yummy b-fast juuuuuice and doughnut. Kinda early, 9:30.

There is a crazy person in the cafeteria. He's spinning and yelling quietly. Seems like an autistic person who's lost his escort. I wonder what's up with that... ah his escorts were just ignoring him. They are leaving now.

At least I did something semi-useful last night. I reviewed this journal to see if I could read it and checked for parts that made no sense. Not really editing mind you, just checking for craziness, and yes, my writing can be that bad (as those who view the .pdf of the originals will see.)

Zero jobs so far. But that's not really surprising. It really isn't worth checking much before 11 AM. That's really when posts go up - particularly lately what with the ever dwindling market. Seems the few jobs that do get posted happen between 11 and 3, pretty much Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday; very few posts outside of those times. Good in that it's unlikely I'd "miss" any, bad in that the lower the job count the lower my choices as it has an exponential effect on applications. (Pretty sure that's the term. Math is the tool of Satan don'cha know.

Kinda chilly today. It was pretty cold last night. I had a hard time sleeping. I looked up hard tops for my car the other day; $500-800. That's insane. It can't be right. That's about 100% of the blue-book value of the car. It's crazy talk. I saw a soft top for like $60. I may consider that. The one my car has obviously isn't designed for the car. It doesn't fit snugly where it should.

I think the lack of sleep makes me hungry. I'm still hungry for more foods. Tempted to get another doughnut, but at nearly a dollar each one every few days is already too expensive. Guess I better shoosh for now, as I'm nearly out of paper and would have to go alllllll the way back to the car for more.

Time passes

Eating a bit early again to avoid the micro-rush. No new news. Oh, hehe, the fountain outside isn't draining. It's spilling everywhere and making a big mess. hehe. No good job apps or callbacks. Just one part-time thing for lower pay than I should accept.

Heh like 8 peeps at the micro now, pretty crazy. I made a barricade and it seems to be doing a good job. Someone spilled a ton of ketchup, like 1/4 jar from the looks of it. I put a chair over it so peeps would be less likely to accidently step on it.

I'm really curious what Blizzard's next MMOG will be. Looking forward to Lich King. ... Idiot. Some guy just pushed the chair out of the way, on purpose, with his knees, walking straight through the ketchup. Didn't even notice. Thankfully I think a clean-up guy just saw it. Anyways... I'm super excited to find out what it is. My guess, since it has been stated to be a totally new I.P., I'll guess it will be WoW-like in design, but a mix of fantasy and sci-fi. Something like Shadowrun or Cyberpunk. Just my guess. It will certainly be interesting to find out when it's revealed. If I recall though, industry people are guessing we won't see it till 2012. I'd agree.

Yup, finally cleaning the spill. I think I'll abandon the seat for others, drop off my sweater, get some cookies, get some paper to write more later, then... more waiting for job offers.

Day 24 - 7/25 - Rise of the Cybermen

Lunch time near the fountain. Had to go get sandwich bits. The cafeteria is closed Fridays, so no lunch for teh cheap.

As expected, job posts are basically non-existent today. Many sections had no postings at all for my (late) morning check. Hopefully things will pick up, but I always hope that good job calls me.

Tempted to go stick my feets in the fountain, hehe. No one is here, well hardly anyone is here, doubt they'd care.

I think it's pretty funny that, now that the hands free law passed, there are all these people walking around with ear phone things. It's like in the new Doctor Who shows where we are at the early stages of Cybermen creation. hehe. I miss Doctor Who. I think I got kicked out mid-season, shortly after the episode with his daughter. (The Doctor and Donna had started exploring a library. Part 1 of 2 if I recall.) She is totally hawt. And, funny story, she actually is the Doctor's daughter. Not the current one, but a previous actor who played the doctor. Pretty funny. I loled when I found that out.

I just noticed today, like probably 15 years after I got it, my stupid Safeway rewards thing shows my name as Erik with a k. How lame is that? Nothing against k Eriks, but it's like hello, how can you look at a form and read c as k?!? Is this the people's Safeway?

If you are a film student and ever want, or need, to do a post-apocalyptic film, it looks like Friday or Sundays are your best days at a college campus. It's always totally deserted here. (I don't list Saturday, as some campuses have Saturday classes. Although a few do also have Friday classes.) I suppose though during the Holiday breaks would also work. Anyways... it always has a very post-apocalyptic feel here on Fridays.

Poor tummy. So much grease in this salami. Gotta remember to get some other kind of lunch meat next time. What with fast foods and micro foods, my tummy is at an all time vulnerability to grease (and butter/milk.)

Hum, something is still wrong with this fountain. It's stopped spilling over, as I think I mentioned the other day, but the bottom part is kinda green and icky looking instead of its normal clear/clean look. Guess if I want to stick my feet into any fountain it will be a different one.

2-2.5 hours of Intarweb access remain. Should be plenty of time to run another job search or two, probably even get through my fun sites. As always, sad I don't have my portable yet. I would have easily done all my stuff, and more, by now. Maybe some day.

I thought too, later on, after I'm re-established, I could use it as a MMOG companion to look up maps, or quests, or items, etc. while I was playing. I could always do that before, just tab out, and I've never been one to do that. But, it was interesting to come up with that extra use for it, adds to the overall appeal as a resource, ya know? Bumps it up a bit in priority, if there is such a priority list right now what with all the chaos that is my life. I've thought I may even exceed 40 hours of work in a week right now if several things lined up that way. What with no home I don't need time to relax and watch TV and such. My ~16-18 hours of awake time x7 days a week is filled with whatever. I could easily work 50, maybe more hours, without being strained. Sure, I'd be emotionally and physically exhausted, but if it were to happen I could stockpile money to move in somewhere that much faster, or pile beyond that for a Samsung LNxxA650 screen. (Fill in xx with the screen size.) I'm looking primarily at the 40", 37" and 32". Likely wind up with the 37" as it seems to have an amazing price to feature ratio. I need something since I was forced to sell my 1st generation tube style HDTV.

Tummy has almost settled from eating lunch. I think I'll say bye for now then head off to the bathroom and see if a computer is free to use teh Intarwebs.

Time passes

It's around 2:30. Time for a snack at Golfland. I saw the photography cutie on the way off campus. She smiled. That's like three total smiles/waves. Yeeeeaaaa. Smiles and waves from cute girlies is full of win. I may give her my card some day. Teh rabb1t has lebel 1 (flirting) game. It's sad, hehe.

I applied for a part-time temporary tech overclocker position. It would be funny if I got the position, what with my not recommending overclocking. I don't recommend against it, I just don't think it's worth the time/effort (if you don't already know how) or increased heat and subsequent fan noise volume increase.

Got a few hours before my thing that pretends to be work. Maybe I'll catch a nap. In car naps are odd. They only last 15 minutes or 1/2 hour as opposed to the couple of hours you normally get in a home.

I've actually been tempted to abandon my current child focus in school and switch to getting some of those lettered credentials. Techs make a bunch of money. The problem is those are long programs and require some hardcore math. I are teh suck at math. I had to take basic statistics twice (not counting the one I took at Foothill, which didn't count for the Bachelor level degree for some reason).

Welp... can't think of what else to say. Gonna try and enjoy these crazy laughing happy children/families, maybe catch a nap. I doubt anything interesting will come up before ... well I was going to say before tomorrow what with work in a few hours. I suppose anything could happen though.

Time passes

8:15. Just finished reviewing the journal. Took two work nights, about 5-6 hours total. So, seems the book is a very quick read so far since I read a bit slower and was editing. Hopefully it won't take all that long to type it in. If I can get my laptop before I get a place to live I will likely start creating the MS word and web version. (I have later decided not to do the MS word version save for a complete .pdf) I may even create/upload the web version without announcing it officially. Though, if I do that, and we are at some obscene point, like beyond day 60, I will likely go ahead and officially announce it so people can read the story so far and update it maybe weekly. I suppose there is a tiny chance I could get money from dad for the system. What with my b-day in a month it's likely he will send me some monies. More than likely that will only be $100-200, but you never can tell. He's been retired a while so he's super poor. I suppose, if I can get a part time something, there would be a much better chance for it to happen, as I could stash at least some money by then. Still... I do need the "Pearl White" Asus Eee PC 1000H, which isn't out yet, so I guess it's ok, heh. (It's sad what I find amusing these days *sigh*)

Day 25 - 7/26

10 AM, a happy awake time. Around 10 is when I normally get up, with midnight to 1 begin my normal fall asleep time. Of course, I didn't just get up. I had quasi-sleep from midnight to 6, moved the car, slept some more from 6:30-9:30, then got up and moved to where I am now, Target, to kill time till the library opens. Wonder if they fixed their Internet from being broken last week. I expect nothing for this weekend at this point since there were so few offerings yesterday. Mostly weekends are just a few checks for fun board posts.

Too bad I'm not in a home, for the obvious reasons, but also because I was invited to the Jumpgate: Evolution beta about a week ago. Recently we have been talking about Eve online and how disappointed I was that their design direction wasn't what I expected. I was expecting something closer to Wing Commander, or for those few who were familiar with it Earth & Beyond. (R.I.P. Westwood Studios *cry*) I suppose though, those familiar with Wing Commander are becoming fewer and fewer. What they should do is re-imagine / restart the series. Anyways, Jumpgate: Evolution looks pretty cool and I've been more and more curious to check it out. I suppose I should sign up for the boards to secure my spot, but I kind of have guilt about that what with my current inability to play.

Just saw someone with a Starbucks. Those puppies are what $5 each? It boggles my mind some people get those every day. Here is a crazy thought. If half of my unique monthly visitors (that would be between 800-1000) gave up a Starbucks for just 1 day, instead donating that money to help me out, that would be $4000-5000 for me. WOW! I doubt that many of my readers drink Starbucks, so lets say 25% (400-500). That would still be $2000-2500. I could get my portable and have the move-in cash I need. It seems so sad, and odd to me, that in the roughly 4 months I've had my donation buttons up I've maybe received $1000 total. One day's donation of Starbucks from just 12% of my monthly readers would do it. Maybe I'll make that a 'defeat rabb1t's homelessness' challenge. Set one specific day for everyone to give up their Starbucks for a day and instead spread the word to help me out. I doubt anyone would meet my challenge though. As mentioned, so far donations have been closer to less than half of one percent, something closer to > 0.004, which is well below even a 5% donation rate I was hoping for. I'm still very grateful for every donation, but I'm also still only getting about one a week (with roughly 200-250 unique visitors during that one week's time.)

Anyways, about time for the library to open. I guess I'll move over and get ready. Thanks for being a super crazy rabb1t fan and reading, hehe

Time passes

Lunchtime nom, about 11:30. Interesting development in my email just now. I got a sale flyer from MSI. In it there was a reference to a laptop they have for $700. It isn't amazing, but with an ATi series 2 mobile GPU I could certainly play just about any game without worry, most certainly WoW. So, at today's prices, we've got the Asus Eee PC 1000H at roughly $600, the MSI Wind I've heard around $500 (it's been out of stock this whole time so far), and now the gaming laptop at $700. The bump up from $600 to $700 to game and have a standard screen size is tempting. Though, I'll bet by the time I can afford anything that rift will be closer to $200, being about a 50% cost increase. The thing is, while wireless gaming would certainly lift my spirits now, I wouldn't need that feature later, and certainly wouldn't need the extra weight. I suppose it is all still a moot point, as my bank account currently totals at $20, of which about $10 will be spent on food in the next few days. But, heh, something to consider I suppose.

There is a lesser version of the Asus Eee PC, the 901, which has a slightly smaller screen and keyboard. Right now it's only $50 cheaper than the 1000H, but if the rift grows over time it could drop into the $450 range, making it significantly cheaper than something like the $700 MSI.

Anyways. Pondering and possibilities for another day, when I have monies.

Noone is here today. It is probably because it's like in the low 80s. People are likely at the movies and staying home where things are cooler. It isn't so terrible though. I've got some Phoenix blood, so I can tolerate a bit higher temperature.

I'd take a nap, but the sun is all up on my nap seat. I'll bet tonight, after the sun goes down, it will be packed. Guess I'll see, what with having nothing else to do.

Nothing to look forward to save for Panda Express dinner. I suppose I could go to the Sunnyvale library. The Cupertino one was still slow as crap. Those systems must not have graphic chips at all 'cause good god. They are so 10 years ago. The Sunnyvale ones are fine though for web stuff. Not as good as a home system, but quick enough to do job and forum stuff. I'll maybe do that before dinner around 7 *cries at the following 6 hours of nothing till then*

I probably won't do the end rabb1t homelessness day. People who can help already do, and others already gave me crap for putting up the donation link. (Though that was pretty much limited to about three to five people on one board.) I do feel bad for needing to do it. I really do it because I love to help. But right now it's me who needs help. It's like, the library and museums take donations, street performers take donations, so yeah, I guess I can take them too till I'm ok again.

Gotta pee soon. Maybe I'll do that. At least it's something to do.

Totally hungry, which is fine, as I've got a coupon for "one free item" at Panda Express. It's only like 4:30 so I still have a while before I go eat. I may go early I'm so hungry.

I hate the thought that I'm wasting my life, just letting time pass by me because I don't have work and can't at least chat on the boards. It's like grrrrr. Hopefully something will come up soon and wasting life will stop soon.

Hum. A touch later than I thought, nearly 5, still ideally about 2 hours from dinner, one from going to kill time on teh Intarwebs.

Really wish I had my portable. Chatting on boards would be so full of win. Things are going to suck in a few weeks when the colleges shut down for a month for Spring break. Access will be cut to 3 hours a day if I bounce between two libraries. That will likely be job searching and not much else. I won't be able to keep up with my shows or anything. I pray to the gods I can manage to either get back in a home, or get my portable by then. The city has wireless for teh free, so once I get it I'm good to go. It's just the cost holding me back.

Time passes

Well, that didn't go as planned. Seems the library closes at 6, so I only got 10 minutes of use. Guess it's ok. I'm uber and checked email, checked jobs, did a Pepsi challenge entry, checked Amazon, and found out the Asus Eee PC 1000H is back up +$50 (to $650 total), and did a quick check of a beta board. Lots got done, but what I planned to be a leisurely 1.5 hour space of time cruising around and charging my phone is now 1 more hour and I have nothing to do. I really hope that price comes down. $600 for the 901 (a model with less memory and a smaller screen) is too much for what it is, and the 1000H at $650 isn't a lot more for the money, though well worth the small increase. Those prices should be closer to $500, 'cause $600+ for what they do is crazy talk.

I'm sad Tenacious D In The Pick of Destiny doesn't show up for Blu-ray yet. Musicals like that were made for uncompressed audio. I still don't get why Music & Lyrics doesn't have uncompressed audio. Of course, the one's I'm waiting for most, in terms of converting old stuff, is The Incredibles and Tron. All kinds of win there.

Brain going numb... too little stimuli on weekends...

Time passes

Meandered around Toys-R-Us. That's been fun lately. Crazy PS3 game sale right now. Buy one, get 50% off a second. That reminded me I still need Eye of Judgment and a dual shock controller. I'm pretty sure I have it on my Amazon list. (I know I have Eye on there.) Not much interesting for Wii though. I think the only Wii things I want are on WiiWare. Ah well, nice to window shop a bit I guess. Can't think of anything to do but go eat (or obviously go back to Golfland). It's about 1 hour earlier than I would like. Not much point staying here though. I'd be viewed as creepy guy.

Oh, I was also reminded that I still need to get a 'construct your own lightsaber kit' so my training will be complete. Funny and true story, I got the Jedi sourcebook once long ago (to read up for Star Wars Galaxies). I knew I lived by Jedi code, but I never knew just how much. I think there were 28 codes and I live by 25 of them, while the remaining ones I didn't live by pretty much didn't apply to our lifestyle, heh.

Time passes

Yikes! Ate too much foods. I was totally hungry, but I've got a pretty small tummy, heh. Kind of want to stay put and not move, but the sensitive bits of my tummy are already feeling the strain of various sauces. The trip to the bathroom is inevitable, heh. (One of the main reasons I have a pretty strict diet and avoid 'out foods'.)

Time passes

My prediction was right. I came back to a full lot. No spots where I can watch people. I am over in a side area people park in when that store is closed. Guess I'll try later for a spot to watch people.

My fortune this time seems more appropriate, "Others seek your courage".  Fortune cookies are yummy (if they aren't stale). They are a Chinese version of 'nilla wafers, heh. I'd say 'nilla wafers are my second favorite cookie, as my favorite is a tie between Animal Crackers (zero tummy damage) and chocolate chip cookies (mild to massive tummy damage depending on the type.)

Side note: I passed a bank temperature thing that said 84, so it must have been in the high 80s earlier in the day.

Holy crap I wrote a lot today. I guess it's 'cause there really wasn't anything to do but hang here with you guys and ponder stuff. I wonder if tomorrow will be equally rambly, what with Golfland and the library both closed till noon. I think I may do some 'burst' checking on teh Intarwebs, like 15 minutes at a time, in the hopes my fun boards can entertain me. I can maybe stretch one hour's time into two... meh, that won't help. Sundays the boards are way more quiet than that. I'd have to stretch it to four to have any hope of seeing new posts each time. Having nothing to do and no games or web access is the worst ever.

Day 26 - 7/27

Got some ok sleep at the church spot. I'm over at the school spot now. No one comes here on the weekend save for a few using the tennis court and stuff, so I got some undisturbed sleep here too. Noticed a police car cruise through the lot, sort of. He went up to my level, past me, then up to the next (the up is mid-way through the lot.) Stayed up on the 3rd floor for like 3 minutes, then went back down. The only thing I can think of was he was using the height to look for someone, as he seemed to disappear from the area pretty quick. I thought he would come after me and shoo me away, but upon reflection, had I been laying down in back he wouldn't have even known I was here. (You can often spot a missing headrest from afar, but to see someone below the car door level in the back seat, you'd have to be standing within about five feet of the car.)

Just been in lots today so far. It's 9:10 now, still quite a while before anything opens. All I've got would be Target, so I'll try and chill here till 10, have some quiet time for a bit.

I don't get this lot. There are fire extinguishers every eight spots, but they are all locked with no emergency break point. So... while something is burning they expect to wait for the person with the key to show up, bust out the key, then open the door? I guess the sprinkler system should cover any fires, but still, it seems very silly to have an emergency equipment piece locked like that.

Shame I don't have my portable I could be playing some Diablo II or talking on some boards while my phone charges. (There is a 99% chance of zero job posts on Sunday.) Hopefully some day. I really hope the 901 or 1000H drops into the $400-500 range by the time I get some money. Like $600 is a bit much. At $600 that is effectively an entire core change (750i FTW board $180, E8400 $180, 4 gig $50, be about $410 there.) Speaking of core changes, I really hope I get a good job with extra cash to change out my system at the end of the year. I was expecting to do it back around bunny day, then this disaster happened. Gonna be nearly a year behind schedule by the time I do (meaning the graphic change cycle will have come due as well.) I suppose the good news there is prices continue to come down as time goes on.

Hand written page 50 now, crazy stuff. Hopefully I'll get a job soon. This is madness!

Time passes

"It's fun to stay at the yyyyymmmmmcccccaaaaa" Apparently not anymore. There is a YMCA near to Target. So I think, 'hey the song talks about temporary shelter and I know they offered job training. Well, it seems that was just back in the day. Now all there was at that facility was sport stuff. It wasn't the YMCA in the song so much as the USF (Ultimate Sport Facility - made up name). I didn't see a single resource for job seekers or homeless. There were two possible training rooms, one sort of an empty room that could have a speaker, and another with a screen that could show video. How sad is that? I suppose those who use it will define it as they know and things do change with the times. Like the GameStop over there. Not too long from now no one will remember that they used to be an EB Games, but EB Games was bought out by GameStop and slowly but surely the EB Games branding has disappeared. Seems a shame though. There used to be an employment development center that also offered classes, training, computers, and slowly all those resources are disappearing, as if over the past few dozen years we no longer care about unemployment and giving them resources. I don't get it. Having unemployed, who could be working, such as myself, doesn't help the economy. Not only am I not contributing to the workforce, without money/income I can't purchase goods. I think it would really behoove the government to get a placement agency that places people for free. I guess you could say government headhunters. But also government counselors, who could help people find lines of work they would enjoy. I don't see why they don't implement something like that, other than the obvious invisible profit of such an endeavor, meaning the profit is a more productive labor force, which you can't see / track results for. Well, at least it's 10:30. One hour 'till I move over and wait for the library to open.

Time passes

Well, there went all my library time, and here we are at Golfland at 1:15. To my surprise there were a few jobs to apply to. Both were working with at-risk youth, which claimed to only need a Bachelors. Of course they likely really want a Masters and job experience, but hey, if they say they just want a Bachelors I'll go ahead and apply.

Have I mentioned lately how much the public computers suck lately? Not only did that computer's right click not work, but it wouldn't copy and paste either. I had to manually type in the email cover letter. Such a pain. And, even though I type at 77 WPM with zero errors, doing that was a huge waste of time.

I guess I keep obsessing over the Asus Eee PC and MSI Wind, but I am probably a bit obsessive compulsive, heh. Hopefully soon I can grab an Asus Eee PC 1000H (Pearl White) and be super happy guy. I guess until I get at least some money there isn't much point thinking about it or planning, so I'll try to put portable thoughts out of my head and move on. B-day coming up, so maybe I'll get some money I could reserve for one from that. I guess we'll see in a few weeks.

Oh, last night I found a yellow golf ball. I can haz collection. I think there are like six colors. I know I'm missing red, blue, teal, purple... so yeah, that's 6 total if that's all there are.

Guess I'll have a bit more foods then chill... for like 6 hours till dinner and the next terrifically exciting thing happens - a trip to In-n-Out Burger. Probably get a hamburger w/ lettuce. Normally I go totally plain, I think I mentioned how plasma stuff makes me gag, but tummy is somewhat settled by lettuce, and what with all the grease lately I could probably use the help. Anyways...

Day 27 - 7/28

Lunch time. I was busy with my shows and first job search earlier. A disappointing first check for a Monday. Maybe things will pick up later.

Got an email back for an interview later today. Though it is yet another part time thing and it's kind of far (about 1.5 gallons of gas round trip). The lady seemed... weird. She's like saying she needs to hire someone ASAP, but the job is working with at-risk youth. I can see how they need tending, but at the same time I'd think you wouldn't want to hire just anyone who happened to answer your ad.

A friend of mine who I spent my early to mid-teen years with contacted me sort of out of the blue today. I think the last time we spoke was about three years ago I think. I don't actually recall when exactly we did a 'reunion' thing. He apparently needs some WoW help. (He hasn't yet stated what kind of help.) Last time we met I was also suffering. Obviously not like now, but I mentioned to the group I was super poor. They talked about dropping hundreds of thousands, possibly millions, into various business deals. Granted, getting business loan money is very different from regular money, but still, it bothered me that I mentioned food and gas money was a struggle, and these people who I was so close to back in the day made no offer to help.

He's got his own family and everything, wife, two kids, so I don't like expect any huge kind of offer to help, but still. This guy was like my best friend till I had to move away. We were out of contact for like hum... I guess around 19 years. Back in those days if someone moved more than 10 or so miles away it was basically over. Long distance phone calls would have been killer, and being without a license, driving the like hour long trip to see him was impossible (not to mention the gas cost, difficult for a teen). We'll see if any offer is extended. I suppose I can't blame or be upset if none is given. He should worry about the little ones first.

But still, in general, I don't know if it's just me, a false view of the world, or what. But if I were in a good position in life, and I heard about someone in my past who was in trouble, I would help them out if I could. I'd have to say one week's paycheck would probably be a good rule of thumb as to how much I'd simply offer someone in need. Sure, it's a ton of money, but I really think anyone who can afford a home and have children and plan for retirement should have that kind of flexibility to help someone in need if that should happen.

I don't know, maybe I just don't know (from an experience standpoint) what that involves. I've certainly never had enough to consider saving for a family, or retirement, or a new car, so I have no idea how much money or flexibility is required for those. All I can do is theorize. Like, were I to be making the 36k a year I should be making, that's roughly 3k per month, roughly 2k post taxes, roughly 600 a month above my current budget needs. With that money going into savings, should someone I know need my help, would I be able/willing to give 1 week's pay still? That would be like... $650? Yeah, sure, I'd do that. Possibly more.

I don't know, maybe it's because I've always felt interactions between people, life, experience, had value and money was fairly meaningless. Yes, money gets you that stuff, but I've never been one to feel the need to get 'more than enough'. Maybe that's why I've never had more than enough?

Well, about 1/2 hour till my interview. I should head off and check email / jobs again and be on my way. This lady better not be wasting my gas money. This will pretty much burn out everything I have for it till Thursday.

Time passes

As predicted, that was a waste of 2 hours and $6 worth of gas. The first question out of the interviewers mouth is, "So what experience do you have with these kinds of kids?" (at-risk youth). And I reply, "ummm... none." The third line in my email letter, not my resume, not my cover letter, the email these were attached to, the third fricken line I said, "I have no job experience with at-risk youth, but..." I don't know if this was a miscommunication between "Coach" (who I interviewed with) and what kind of person he needed in telling whoever wrote the ad, but he required experience, or at least physical control training (as in tackle / grab, etc.) Thus, 'reply by email on her iPhone instead of calling chick' clearly didn't have her head on straight.

I really wish people didn't do that. Read the fricken emails and resumes. Even 30 seconds glancing at my stuff would have saved me 2 hours and $6 gas. That's just wasteful and rude. *sigh*

Anyways. Early Linner (lunch/dinner), 4 now. Got five more hours of access give or take. I don't seem to have missed any calls, so I guess for at least that part nothing other than resources were lost. Gonna nom my chickie pot pie then do an email / job check. Still have last week's Monk to watch and should check if Sci-Fi released any shows. (Last week there were none I wanted to watch for teh free.)

Time passes

8:15, snack time at Golfland. The school computers were busy, so I couldn’t make a last job check. It's fine though. Nothing really moves past about 4 PM.

Ever since that waste of time I've had the worst headache that won't go away. I should have gone to the health center to grab aspirin while it was open.

Eating the last chocolate chip pop-tart. Got 'em as a treat late last week. I don't eat them very often due to their cost and ... well I don't know why else. Normally I just get a box about once every four months or less. I think calories may be the other reason.

Down to the last of things. $6 in my account, $3 in the wallet, box of Lucky Charms (unopened), three Pepsi cans, three cheap chickie noodle soups. It will be tough to make it through Thursday, but I should squeak by. One full-time... no, I take it back... just part-time apps today, most of which were below my low mark. (Meaning less than the $12 minimum I need to clear bills.) As always, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Day 28 - 7/29

Lunch time nom. No jobs in the morning check, total lose. I think I may skip class tonight. I don't know if I have enough gas money what with yesterdays lameness. Put out some helpful posts on a few boards, so that's something at least. The second fountain, the ducky one, is getting icky looking now too. I wonder if they share a recycling / purification area and that isn't filtering properly.

It's so busy and full of life in the daytime. So many peeps busily walking around to class, coming in here for teh nom. It's so different at night, once we get past about 6, hardly anyone is here then and everyone quiets down. I've always been more of a night person, naturally falling asleep around midnight and waking up around 10. It's always made a regular (lower school) schedule difficult. Lots of jobs I'm applying for start at 8 or 9, but I guess that's ok. So few are outside those hours, and those which are are often poo. A few childcare places have shifted hours though, ending a bit later due to parent pick-up times. Those would be good. I really don't get hwy none are calling me. I've got more units than they require.

Ah well, can't think of what else to say besides that quick ramble.

Time passes

Computers all being used. Can't do another job search just yet. It's fine. It's not even 1 yet. Hasn't actually been that long since my last check.

Looks like Evil Dead 4 is in the works, woooot! And Sam Raimi has another one coming out next year, Drag Me To Hell. Not sure what that one is about other than what IMDB lists. This was the first I've heard of it.

Days like this I wonder if my phone is working. Of course if it were at risk of being shut down AT&T would have said something. And were it down entirely I wouldn't show a connection to the network. And if people were trying to contact me and couldn't, they'd email. Bleh, why isn't anyone offering me a decent job.

Oh hey, I have this visit a child care center project. Maybe I should find the one here on campus. There must be one, as I've put in a job application for a "teacher" position. I've never seen or heard small kids though, so where could it be? Guess I'll go searching. Something is on the wind though, something garlicky. Smells yummy. Tummy would rather look for that, hehe.

Time passes

I just realized that garlic bread smell is making me totally hungry, which is not good as I checked my bank account and only have like $0.80. I was hoping to get a cheap hamburger with fountain drink tonight for $4, but now... now I have the $3 in my wallet and that, plus the gas and food in my car, has to last me till Thursday morning. I guess I should always do fast food by cash from now on to be sure. Safeway and gas instantly appear on my bank account, so those I don't have to worry about losing track of.

Put out one or two apps, but I'm still well below average in number, hours and pay. Not much I can do though. There either are or aren't jobs.

If the systems were free I could at least use the time to start working on typing in this journal into web form. That would be something. Just waiting to be called, waiting for more job posts, and smelling tasty foods is not good. I guess I could go grab a snack at the car. Maybe take a nap if I'm sleepy. Not too sleepy though today. Mostly just really hungry and the lingering sad watching the hours tick by that I could be working and earning monies towards having a home again.

Time passes

Dinner time nom. I'm going to have a hard time tomorrow what with having no money. If no interviews come up I can use my $3 to get that yummy baked lasagna noodles.

I just typed in week 1. Boy are my fingers tired. Ten written pages, single spaced, double sided, about 2.5 hours of typing. So like 10 more hours to get to this point. I likely won't get to here until next week. I should get to the end of week 2 and announce ti by the weekend though.

I've decided, if I can, to have a b-day party. I'll announce it on teh Intarwebs soon, but on the 20th I'll reserve the back room at the local Round Table, get some cupcakes and tasty Pizza. It will cost a ton for what I have right now, but I'd need more income to do it, so it wouldn't be too expensive. Mind you I'll just be getting a small bit of Pizza, maybe like $15-20, so there would be some to share if anyone showed up, which I doubt anyone would.

Back in the day, like three years ago when I did WoW there were three or four guildies in the area, so there was that, and who knows how many of you rabb1t fans out there live close. I know two or three have said they did.

So yeah, I'll likely announce that on the 1st. If people show, they show. Oh hey, I should get monies from dad around then, so I should totally have flexibility to spend a little for Pizza. I will have fun with Pizza and cupcakes (zomg my tummy cringes at the damage to come ) and expect noone to show up. If anyone does it will be a surprise.

About 7:30 now, just a bit of time left for one final job / fun site check. Then it's off to Golfland. Oh, I got a phone interview set up for Thursday and put out a couple of applications, so the job search wasn't a total fail.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008, 2009
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

flash required for the logo
best viewed at 1280 wide resolution or higher