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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Day 295 - 4/22 - Displaced

I'm nomming some breakfast juice and a doughnut. It's right around 10 and I did my shower, so it's pretty early.

Lot's of cuties around with shorts on. It's already very warm. I'd guess in the low 80s. Yeeeaaa for warm.

I decided to throw away my sneaker shoes. They've had a worn down sole for quite some time but they really have had none at all lately. Examining my boots I find the very back area where my heels are have just about no sole either, so this could be part of why my feets hurt all the time. Of course I'm walking way more than normal. I think those sneakers were less than six months old. Normally shoes last me years.

I sort of flirted with a cutie that works at one of the Starbucks last night. Her name is Britney I think, and she's got red hair, and she's suuuper beautiful. She was on break looking kinda sad and I asked if she was sad and she said no that she was just tired and spacing out. I told her that I had some Easter chocolates I could give her if she were sad and I did. She was super smiley after that. She said thanks as I walked out when they were closing. Probably nothing will come of it. She's probably way too young for me. But there it is.

I've got all day for doing whatever, then class tonight. I should probably do the reading. It's an entry-level class, so it's all stuff I've heard before. But still, should probably do the reading. Might not be in a reading mood today. I'm pretty sleepy despite sleeping really well and not being congested for the first time in forever. It may indeed be that I'm allergic to the sweater I put away (or something that won't wash off of it.)

Guess that's it for now. K thx bye.

Time passes

Having a snack in the cafeteria. I'm totally hungry. It's around 4:15 so it's almost time to go to class.

My day has been pretty different; mostly full of lolz. During my breakfast I set up my netbook and checked boards and such. I decided just to stay there all the way through to lunch. After lunch I went to the Internet lab to watch some shows. I noticed a cutie across from me wearing super small shorts and a mid-rift T-shirt. She was getting up and moving around to leave. She saw me peeping her and she got smiley and was 'cause she knew I was peepin' her and I thought she was cute because I was all . It was funny, but nice that she acknowledged that I acknowledged that she was cute (instead of freaking out and thinking I was like creepy guy for peeping her.)

I looked around online and found some boots to replace my worn out ones which looked good. They are $50, which is half what I was expecting, so yea for teh cheap. I'll have to wait until the paycheck after tomorrow to get them, so it will be a few weeks before I can order them.

I found something that mentioned that this show, the Guild, was apparently the inspiration for Joss Whedon to create Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. I watched nine episodes. They are super short, between three and about seven minutes each. It's pretty funny, but in an awkward way. They try a bit too hard in some ways. It's a show about a guild of people who play an online game, so it's kind of about gamers.

I made the appointment for my tires. I guess I waited too long, because the soonest I could set it for was Friday.

It's cooling off quite a bit outside. There is a pretty big breeze. Hopefully it will stay warm for a while longer.

Guess that's all for now.

Time passes

Well... it's nearing 10 and tonight has taken a rather sudden terrible turn - the car won't start. I try to start and there is the normal revving, then when I stop trying a tickety-tickety-tickety noise from the fuse box below the steering wheel. The person who answered the line at my road service coverage said it's probably a dead battery, which would be good news as that is a less expensive repair than others. (Though the lights can be turned on and they look strong/solid in terms of brightness.) That certainly isn't as cheap as fuses, which was my first guess. (At least I don't think it would be.) I tried switching a bunch of those around and the result is the same. I figured if one was dead I could maybe swap the starter one for a less important one, like wipers or the radio or something.

Of course this had to happen on a night right after I have taken all my cold weather cloths and put them into storage.

So for tonight, until 7 AM when service trucks are out, I truly will be homeless and without shelter. I may stay on school grounds, I may go try some local churches; I'm not sure yet. I can probably go to my car and get at least a few hours of sleep at around 5 AM. I've gotten here before at 5:30 or so and never had an issue with patrols. The problem will be surviving the cold night and being unseen. I don't know what kind of on campus patrols there are.

I figure I'll put on as much cloths as I can without being terribly suspicious, grab a few drinks, take my contact case, and move away from the car between 11 PM and 5 AM... or at least as close to that as I can stand. I'll likely split my time between campus and church.

Whatever I do it will be very sad. This is not a cost I was prepared for, nor a situation I ever expected would happen. I'll likely be out of contact for a bit until this is sorted out and I've recovered at least some sleep.

Time passes

It's just a touch later than before at 11. I'd completely forgotten about an abandoned building on campus. I walk by it a few times a day and I've thought countless times how it could make a good shelter. (Particularly on those nights it was pouring rain in the past.) I'd checked some doors before and found them locked. Much to my surprise tonight one was open. There appear to be no alarms and there is no power in the building. (Thus, if there were alarms, they'd have no power.) While good, it is not great. Much of the building has collapsed sections of the roof with a distinct heavy sent of mold. One section I'd found was completely out of view from the outside. It's a tiny building with lots of full sized glass sections. Thankfully I've found a different section now, a bathroom, with no carpet, thus no mold smell, and only a bit of paint peeling from the ceiling and dirt on the floor. I've pushed some dirt away from an area to sit on, but without a broom proper cleaning is impossible. While the outside is actually becoming cold, in here the warmth has been retained. I took off some of the extra cloths I put on for the night, and after writing this I'll take off the rest. I'll be back down to just about what I was wearing on the past weekend. Of course, if caught in here that alone would be highly unusual, the way I was dressed wouldn't matter, but this bathroom has doors on both sides and it's window is both stained and heavily dusty, so noone could see inside even if they were pressed right up against it. I and my stuff are out of direct view. I should be very safe for the night, and very warm. Only my 10-15 seconds exiting the building will be at risk of being spotted. I should be at zero risk of being discovered during the night unless someone happens by while I happen to be asleep and snoring.

It seems the gods have provided me with shelter, just as they have done with the sleeping spot. The only questions that remain now are; what exactly is wrong with the car, can I afford to repair it and still have enough to eat with after I'm paid in the morning, and how much work will I miss because of the repairs. Hopefully it will be a quick fix of a battery change (though the lights appear to be normal brightness level.) A new battery cost would prevent me from getting my tires, pushing both that and contacts back by two weeks, but it would be far better than other issues.

I doubt I'll get much sleep tonight. Even though I should be totally invisible where I am, even though this is probably the most silent area I will have spent the night in what is possibly my whole life (save for super remote camping trips), the space I'm in is very dirty and doesn't offer enough room to lie down.

I'll try and sleep in a while, but if I can't at least I should be safe. At least I will be warm. At least I won't be bothered by man or animal. And now that I have my netbook I could even consider entering tonight's fail if I keep the screen brightness low enough it doesn't exceed the surrounding light levels.

A much sadder day than most for me; which way my mood goes will depend on what happens in the morning. But, as always, as sad as I am I still feel grateful for what the gods have provided, and I still feel sadness for those less fortunate.

Day 296 - 4/23 - Insane in the membrane

Just a quick note. It's just after 9:30 and I have to try and leave for work soon. The car never started last night, but I never tried after that first time. I called for the service peeps to come check the car at 7. After that I did, however, think to try and it started right up. It was crazy. I shut it down and waited for the guy so he could check the battery. The first guy never showed up, so I had to call a second guy. Again it started right up and he said the battery was fine. We shut it down and tried again to be sure. For some reason the car died a few seconds after starting and again made the clicky noise. I showed the guy where the noise was coming from so he could try and hear and when I tried to start it started right up again. So... we have no clue what is wrong. He said the battery was fine in a tone which implied it totally can't be the battery, so it may indeed be a fuse thing. On teh Internets I found a fuse kit for like $8 for 100, so it would be super cheap to replace them. (There are like a dozen in my car.)

Gotta run. Hopefully the car will start and I can get gas, then hopefully start up and be fine to get to work. After work I'll get the fuses if things seem fine, which they sort of do.

Mystery problem is mysterious.

Time passes

Well, now I'm sitting in a service place and have a few hours to kill. The car did, in fact, not start when I tired to go to work. I tried and tried and tried, but it wouldn't go. I had it towed somewhere (for teh free) but it's going to cost $88 for them to just look at it / check what's wrong. The tow truck driver heard the clicky noise and he pinpointed it to one fuse. So it could be as simple as that, which would probably just be a few dollars more. But, it could be another issue like the fuel pump or starter or alternator, which would all be way more expensive because those are parts they have to dig out.

I guess we can rewind to last night. The shelter was far more uncomfortable than I had expected. I rested a bit and had crazy near-sleep dreams, but I didn't actually sleep. I heard no patrol vehicles and no cars after midnight, so at 2:30 AM I decided my body had had enough torture and snuck back out to the car. Surprisingly I found two other cars in my section of the lot; one a sporty car and one a white van with no back windows. I slept pretty quickly even though I was worried about being discovered. I slept for about 3 hours, was kept awake for an hour, then the circus of trying to get my car checked out began. That involved three service calls, two calls for research/investigation, one tow to here, and now here we are at noon waiting for the diagnostic. I've nothing to eat save for cookies and some drinks and there are no stores close by. There is a terrible pizza place near by, but I'm not going there, and a restaurant across the street that is likely out of my price range; particularly since just looking at things will be nearly $90. On the plus side I'm right at a bus stop that goes back to school / some Starbucks. But I have no cash monies for the bus, and the ATM in the shop is busted, so I can't go anywhere at the moment. Also on the plus side I'm a few blocks from the sleeping church. With no car it would be very difficult to sleep, but I do know the area could provide some safety.

Hopefully the issue is just a bunk fuse and everything else is fine and I can be back on the road this afternoon. I already lost today's work shift, losing my place to sleep for another night because of repair time would be sad. And, while I could bus up to the work places tomorrow, it would take over an hour each way.

Guess that's it until we get an update.

Time passes

It's about 1:30. I has a fud. I nommded it. I totally forgot that I had sandwich stuff. I had the last of it, though there is a bit of bread left over. My teeth are in such bad shape. Eating a sandwich hurts now. I never like to mention it or think about it because they are so far gone. It makes me sad all the time.

They haven't even started on the car. Fricken' 3 hours here so far and it's sat in that same spot waiting. And apparently there is an ATM in a neighboring store I could have gotten monies from and just bused off to a somewhere. Ah well. I had a decent picnic lunch and as long as I'm here I can keep an eye on the car and have up to the minute knowledge.

It's cooling off rapidly. It's pretty chilly now... odd a high school peep asked if I wanted his left over bread sticks. That was nice. Karma for my carrying an old lady’s grandson to the car for her earlier? (He was too heavy for her and he was totally asleep.) Just my natural charisma? They can't have food in the classroom? Who can say. Anyways... I was saying... it's super breezy, so that is often negating the warmth. It's hot in my car, but there on a grassy bit outside the "waiting room" - a table with three chairs literally feet from the junk food snacks in the quick shop - here in the outside I'm actually kind of chilly.

Bleh, still haven't started on the car. *sigh*

Time passes

So after about 1.25 hours of trying to start, making the fuses click, and occasionally starting, the verdict is that my car is crazy! It's computer brain which controls voltage flow had gone all crazy and wasn't working right. The good news is that it looks like something they just slot in, not unlike what we do for computers. I'm waiting on a price and time estimate on that now. I'm guessing that probably isn't something they have laying around the shop.

Time passes

Here we are at the end of my terrible day. Such is the roller coaster of my life. Just two days ago I was finally feeling like I was beginning to forge this new life in a positive way. I'd regained access to some of my games. I'd regained access to giving my peeps updates as soon as new tech comes out. I'd regained access to checking my job postings. I was making new traditions and adjusting old ones to afford me some happiness and balance. I was even beginning to plan for the future; getting my tires fixed finally, getting my eye exam and new contacts, getting my shoes replaced so maybe my feets won't hurt so much, tossing something that makes me allergic/unhealthy into storage and buying a new one. But now, now it seems all those dreams have been shattered. The final repair costs for the crazy computer brain will be around $470, roughly 90% of every single penny I have, leaving me short on food and gas. I'll be back to seriously struggling to eat for the next few weeks unless my tax stimulus check comes. Here I finally, finally, thought I was starting to balance and forge my new life when *BAM*.

It's past 9:30 and I'm somewhere safe for the night, though it is extremely uncomfortable and I doubt I'll be able to sleep more than a few random hours. I'm so exhaustedly tired though, so very tired. I must have walked an hour and a half today - terrible for my poor flat feets, doubly so for my once broken ankle. Its odd cartilage thing is becoming more and more inflamed from all this walking lately.

I hear a baby in the distance crying - feeling insecure and they don't know what to do. I very much feel the same on the inside, my life still new and raw, trying to establish myself, yet I have no safety net.

Just the other night I shared some lolz with one of the librarians, one of my teachers, several fellow students. Today a grandma trusted me with her grandchild, people said hi or smiled in passing, someone gave me free food, twice, someone recognized me and said a kind of hello who I've seen in Starbucks before... so much life around me. Yet instead of being by the side of a sweetie sharing that life, instead of friends sharing their lives and having fun exploring new things to them from my life, instead my life is like a raging river. Life is flowing all around me, the elements blending easily with each other, while I ride strangely along completely isolated from it somehow.

Hopefully tomorrow the new car computer brain will come. Hopefully tomorrow night everything will be "normal" again. I'm sure in a few weeks time I'll rebalance and things will start looking positive again.

But for now I wonder; Why?

Day 297 - 4/24 - The sad news continues

It's early, about 10:15. I'm at the aquatics mini work early because I had to bus here. It's cold again. I'm still mostly wearing my night cloths. I picked up my sweater and trench at the ex-house from storage yesterday as I passed by. Almost immediately after putting on the sweater I could feel a reaction in my nose and throat, so I'm definitely allergic.

In more sad news the aquatics mini work is closed for the first two weeks in May, so that's nearly $325 I'm not going to be earning. I suppose I can switch priorities to contacts and put tires on hold until later since I'd be down to driving about 6 miles a day from ~25. I suppose I'll save a bit on gas and wear and tear. But wow, another huge money loss lately.

At least the good news on the car is that they got the part and it will be ready in 15 minutes. So that will be back to normal this afternoon.

Taking the bus is sad, but it's nice to ride. I really hope I'm not hurting my once broken anchle with this extra walking. I already have to walk more than I'd like to in a day.

So much for plans (over the next four weeks) of my tires being fixed, contacts taken care of, new sweater ordered, new sneakers and new boots. All of that now has to go back to being on hold and taken care of as money comes. What was a two-week delay seems to now be over a month to re-balance with the work loss. I'll shuffle some costs where I can, but things will be so tight until two weeks from now or I get my tax stimulus that I can't even get the $15 replacement sneakers.

The sad will likely remain for a while.

Time passes

Maybe not lost monies. A customer peep said they have done this kind of maintenance shut down before and just moved the staff here to a park that's normally closed at this time. Odd with it only being a week from now that the boss peeps didn't mention it to me.

Day 298 - 4/25 - Back to crackers

It's about 4 and I just had "lunch". I had about a dozen crackers and a Pepsi. It's like the old days during the summer. I'm here at Starbucks now after spending the morning in teh Internet lab watching lots of shows. I watched more of the Guild. Season two is much funnier without being too awkward.

I have about $2 a day for foods until I get more money. Things will be tough for a bit. It may be a mistake, but I'm going to use a coupon I have for a free burger tonight. It's not a mistake in that it's free, but in that I should probably save it for later after I've been super hungry for a bit. It feels right to use it now though. I can't say why, it just does. Plus, I keep forgetting I have it and it expires pretty soon, heh.

Guess that's it really. Not much to say that's new, and with all spending on hold there was no life advancement or changes to talk about. Maybe I'll have something interesting later.

Day 299 - 4/26 - Half meals are too much

It's around noon and I'm having lunch nom. Last night I picked up my other jeans pants from storage. Once I can wash cloths again I'll put away my old school night cammo. I've been wearing them about 50% of the time and they are more of a 5% of the time clothing. It's going to be hard making it until I have money to do a wash again. I just have no money at all for anything but food and gas these two weeks. I don't even have that much. I'm on half meals right now. I've got some pre-cooked chicken strips and I'm having half of what I would in a normal meal. Got some crackers too, which again I'll have about half what I normally would. What is even sadder than that is with how much I have left post-repair I should be doing one half meal for the entire day and nothing else. By my calculation I really should only spend about $2 a day on food, which is about one fancy soup and one Pepsi and that's it. Hopefully some rabb1t peeps out there will send some help because I don't know how I'll make it otherwise.

The guys did a great job repairing the car though. The clutch and accelerator seem... solid is the only word I can think of. Previously they were... well, they went 'wuba wuba' sometimes instead of solid transition/acceleration. Changing the computer brain seems to have fixed that. Also, they made nice clean wire connections below. Before it was just this loose tangled mess. I guess that should have been a warning sign to me. This guy that sold me the car really ripped me off I think.

Other the sad things in my life I actually feel pretty good. I can't explain how or why, but today feels like a day I'll be meeting new friends who I'll get along with very well. Like after you've been with a new sweetie for a while and they have invited friends over to meet you that you'll get along with fabulously.

But that will not be my day. (Well, the odds of making new friends today is, at the very least, astronomical.) My day will be playing my game, exploring a new Holiday event called "Noble garden", which originally was set to be around bunny day, but got delayed. I'll check boards too, both fun and job, but being a Sunday I expect they will be completely dead.

Despite only having money for 25-50% of my normal food, and being completely unable to be in a home, or pay off any of my massive debt, I feel pretty good. I was thinking of getting a "weekend pass" at the game center this weekend, which would have been $1 an hour, but that thought was quickly shattered by the repairs. I was hoping to be able to be wearing new sneakers, maybe even new boots too, but that too was shattered. New tires would have happened, had the appointment and everything, but no.

A super sad day in a long line of sad days, but still, oddly I feel at ease about things.

Time passes

Early dinnertime at right around 6. I had a good day today so far. Played for about 4 hours, looked around on boards. I'm kind of tired though. I think it's just the constant bla bla chatter around me and the constant wap wap of the music. The only time I ever get quiet is when I'm in the sleeping spot. Normally my room is super quiet. Even when gaming I keep things pretty quiet.

Been having sad dreams lately. I don't usually remember them when I wake up, but I know they are mostly about being homeless, losing my home, or needing to move.

Guess that's all for now. I can't think of anything interesting to say. Hope peeps are having a better weekend than me. Though I can still game and watch movies, they are nowhere near as enjoyable as they could be, and that makes me a little sad.

Day 300 - 4/27 - In perpetual limbo

Internet lab got shut down early because they've got a class. I think I finished watching my shows though. I'm having an early dinner at around 5:15 of one chicken strip, like four crackers, and a drink. It's sad. There is someone near by with two semi-abandoned nearly full big fry orders. I'm hawk-ing him to see if he fully abandons them.

Hasn't rained yet today. I thought it would.

Um... I thought I had more to say, but I guess not. K thx bye.

Time passes

It's just after 10. I'm being bad and having a late night snack. I'm sad, so I am trying to cheer myself up a bit. When I was playing at Starbucks there was someone next to me talking to one of her best friends. It made me sad, not just because she has a best friend, but that she has a couple, and that she was talking about the two guys she was dating and about how she's never been in either of their apartments. So, she has two best friends, two guys she's dating, and she's financially secure enough to have a place on her own (with a roommate). Here I am; homeless, can't afford food, can't afford new sneakers that are only $15, can't afford a new sweater so that I can throw away one I'm now convinced I'm allergic to (which would be $50)... it made me sad. I packed up my game and left early. (Though I'd already finished my daily quests anyways.) I know someone who can be totally financially secure and who has multiple people to date is more rare than not, but it certainly seems to be a common story of those around me. It makes me again wonder what is cosmically wrong with me.

My bad for the confusion earlier. I could have sworn I talked about how it was cold and I thought it was going to rain and I was feeling ok to meh while being tired and hungry. So, bit of a reverse day today. You got a dinner and late night snack bla bla, heh.

I did get lots of fries. I had one meals worth that I immediately nommed, and a second I saved for later. Hopefully they will be ok later. Fries don't really save well.

I just don't get my life sometimes. Sure, I am 'exotic' looking and not 'traditionally' handsome or cute, but I am attractive. Yet, I'm nearing the end of my 10th year of being single. Not one single real date during that time, how crazy is that. No new friends either (not counting you rabb1t peeps or other online peeps.) People are friendly to me all the time. Almost daily I chat with the librarians at college because they know me (several chat at me first) and some peeps at Starbucks are starting to chat at me.) And now my life has crumbled to the point where nearly everything is in storage and so many of my things, in storage or not, need to be upgraded or replaced. And now we are at day 300, nearly a full year of fail.

I suppose it isn't all bad. As I say often lately, things could be worse. But they seem a whole lot less than or below normal. They certainly could be a whole lot better. It's almost like in each area of my life (job, finances, friends, sweetie) I've been stuck in this kind of limbo that I can't get out of; like I'm cosmically or karmicly trapped.

I just don't get it.

Day 301 - 4/28 - A small posting at the end of the week

It's just a few minutes 'till aquatics mini work. I wanted to be sure I did some writing so peeps aren't confused later, hehe.

It's been pretty cold again. Looks like rain again too. I have class tonight. I like this one. It's basic stuff, but the teacher is fun and not boring.

I've decided to get my .pdfs caught up on Thursday at the far campus. Some rabb1t peeps have sent links to ones for teh free, but I don't trust the looks of those, as they seemed to have advertising and such. I'll just wait for the new Word and use the far campus in the meantime. My current version is nearly 10 years old, and I can get it for like $75 through school, so I'd like to get that current.

I spent most of what was left of my money last night. Normally the food I have would last about three days, but I have to try and make it last closer to 4-6. Even if I could make it six that would still put me a few days short before my next paycheck. I have a few dollars in my wallet, and if some rabb1t peeps just sent a few dollars it would help immensely and I'd be ok; not great, but I could at least have my two soup meals a day.

Guess that's it for now. Hopefully you all are having a better day than me.

Day 302 - 4/29 - >40k

Lunchtime, I'm having a soup and a few crackers. There are a ton of peeps in here for a soccer thing. So loud; my poor ears.

Nothing really to say yet today that's new; took my shower, checked a couple of boards, watched a few shows. It's still pretty early in the day, just around 1.

Spring has been hiding lately, but the sun is out and the rainy clouds have finally gone away.

Um... so yeah, can't think of anything else to say. K thx bye.

Time passes

It's nearing 5:30, early dinnertime. I'm caught up on all my shows now. Several are over for the season or over because that's all there was. Like WCG Ultimate Gamer is over and likely won't happen again for at least a year. It was lots of fun though. The Guild has probably been over for a while. I just found it, so I've no clue when it was originally posted.

I got a donation earlier. Yeeeaaa for donation. Once that flips into my account I can have my regular two soup type meals and two snack meals per day. Things will be tight until then, but I should be fine until I get paid again. *bow*

I found the stat estimate thing again. It is now estimating me at 114 peeps per day. That's over 40k unique visitors per year. I guess it makes sense that it's gone up. It has been nearly a year since I last checked the figure and I have been exponentially growing every year. I'm astounded, proud, and humbled all at once. It would be really nice to get a real stats package back, one that showed me info I understand. I don't know what the numbers mean with my current package. Last year I was getting like only 2% of the total visitors visiting pages that weren't my pc page. It would be interesting to know if that figure still held for my blog page. Important stuff to know so I know if I should focus all info on my pc page and redirect to other pages for more info (such as my article or blog pages). Anyways, not much to change lately, so not much to worry about there.

Less than 1/2 hour until I should head out to class. Guess I should finish up dinner and do some quick online checks.

That's probably all for tonight.

Oh, I was also thinking of gaming laptops again a bit today. Lately I've been frustrated by the low frame rate of my netbook (though I've found some ways to get temporary boosts), yet at the same time, even with the most uber of gaming portables I'd still be plagued by WiFi pauses and slowness. Not to mention the battery life typically isn't long enough to make it through the longer classes unplugged unless I spent a ton on the system. So it's a bit of a double-edged sword. I put a lower cost one on a low priority wish list. I doubt I'll get it due to poo battery life, but it's still something I could consider. Likely a gaming netbook, something lower powered in terms of gaming yet light weight and high battery capacity, would be the best bet for me. We likely won't see those for at least four more months. Who knows what my life will be like then.

Ok, now I think that's it for tonight. K thx bye.

Day 303 - 4/30 - Second USB drive failure

It's nearing 3 and I'm having a snack nom of crackers and a soda. It's funny because there were the huge critters at the fountain, geese maybe? They were just about as tall as my knee. I remembered that I had crackers with me and one ate some right out of my hand.

So my brand new replacement USB drive is going crazy in almost the exact same way as the old one did. My system said it didn't recognize it this morning, which was the third time it had been used. I restarted my system and it seemed ok. At the other campus I started working with a file after mini work and about 5 minutes later it forgot the drive was in there. I moved it to a different port and then it said the drive was locked and couldn't be saved to. So, total fail there. I may get one of the files back, but Epic Fail's .pdf looks like it will have to wait until I get Word onto my netbook. I might be able to do that in a week, so I won't have to wait too much longer.

That's all so far today, failure of the replacement USB. A minor inconvenience to be sure, but what are the odds? Why do things like this always seem to happen to me?

K thx bye.

Day 304 - 5/1 - Action movie night

It's crazy weather day. Last night it started raining super lightly. It's like the rain came out of nowhere. Earlier in the day it seemed like it had finally cleared and it was going to go back to sunny. Today it's cloudy and raining off and on.

My monies flipped into my account, so yeeeaaa, I can has fud. I think I'll get sneakers too. My poor feets are so sore from the hard worn-out boots. And I should have enough to wash cloths too. Yeeeaaa for clean cloths.

Um... that's really all so far new today. K thx bye.

Time passes

I'm at gym mini work now at just about 5:30. I'm microing some micro pizza. I couldn't get my sneakers earlier. The ones that were $15 were the kind I had before and I didn't want those again since they got worn out so quickly. They seemed too cheaply made for my taste. I couldn't spend more on another type, so I have to wait a week until I get paid again. My poor feets.

Also, thanks to the donation, tonight is action movie night. I got Jumper and the Incredible Hulk (the recent one.) The two that I've really been wanting to see, Kung Fu Panda and Get Smart, have always been out. It looks like the non-Blu-ray version of Kung Fu Panda may not even be at the kiosk anymore. Ah well. At least thanks to the donation I have at least these small comforts and money for food and gas until I get paid in a week.

Guess that's all that's really interesting with my day. K thx bye.

Time passes

It's nearing 9:45. Movies were fun, yeeeaaa for movies. I would have much preferred them on Blu-ray with nice surround sound. I am disappointed though. One of the disks had several sticking points. That's now two of five I've rented that this has happened with. So it seems the limitations of the kiosk movies are; they are due back the next day at 7 PM, and for whatever reason (likely how people treat them and lack of a proper damaged disk reporting system) there is a high chance I can get a damaged disk.

Mostly though I'm just feeling a little sad about being homeless. One of the girls I gave a valentines packet to is here, and weeks ago she said something that's kind of stuck with me. Her group was lingering longer than they should, I can't leave until everyone is out, and she said to them, "He wants to go home." It just struck me as very sad because it's so true. I want to go home, but I have no home anymore. When I say that to people it always takes a bit to really sink in; probably because I look, act, and smell just like everyone else. I don't seem like a homeless person, yet it's true. I have no home. Just about everything I have is in storage. We all want a safe place to sleep, nice meals, someone to love us, friends, a little bit of entertainment. We all have a bit of excitement when we are out in the world, but at the end of the day we all just want to go home.

Live with love and kindness in your hearts; you never know when someone won't make it home. Our lives are so very fragile. Someone you meet may not have those things. Someone you meet may not be there tomorrow. We will all die someday and we never know when that day will come. How we live and treat others defines us. If my story helps even just one person to live a happier, freer, and kinder life, and they become more aware of the beauty that constantly surrounds us in all things, things which are so very fragile, then my story will have meant something.

The little things; they are not so little.

Day 305 - 5/2 - Laundry at last

Laundry day at last; after I don't know how long. Yeeeaaa. Yeeeaaa. Yea for clean cloths. It's just past 3:45, a bit late for having lunch and a bit early for having left the library.

I watched a lot of shows and checked my Home Entertainment page tech a bit. I found some new HDTVs to link to, so yea for that. I'll have a brand new model once I get reestablished. For some reason though the THX certified receivers are like double what they cost just a few months ago. There are also only a few models that have it for some reason. It's possibly because it's become unnecessary now that uncompressed audio and Dolby-HD have become standard on Blu-ray. I guess my plans to maybe upgrade my receiver are now no longer necessary, though I would still like to change speakers and get a sub-woofer.

Anyways, lots of happy shopping goodness for my Home Entertainment peeps, clean laundry in the works, and that's all so far. Maybe more later.

Day 306 - 5/3 - Another new school Sunday, doin' it like it's old school

It's just after 11:15. I took a shower, I'm having lunch now, and soon I'll be checking my boards and gaming the rest of the day. My new school Sundays are very much like my old school Sundays when I was in a home - mostly spent gaming. It is a vast improvement from recent times where I otherwise would have spent my next 11 hours sitting in the car staring blankly into space, not counting the 2 hours at the library.

While awesomely fun there is still a lingering sadness of it's gimped nature. It is not on my 24" 1920x1200 res monitor on a solid cable modem, but instead I'm on a 10" 1024x600 screen (25% the size) on an intermittently pausing WiFi system. And there are no TV shows, no movies, no studying breaks during the day, as I don't have those options. Well, I suppose I could rent a movie and watch it. I suppose I could go to the library and study a bit if I had the books. But for me those options are difficult to consider. I'm a quiet guy. It's very distracting and difficult with the constant chatter and chaos surrounding me, not to mention the light differences and smells from perfume and colognes.

I'm starting to understand why some people retreat into their own minds. While homeless, particularly as you are more cut off from your normal routine, it is much easier to ignore others and follow the rules and thoughts that are just in your head. After all, if you don't have normal options why should the rules apply to you? If noone interacts with you why should you interact with anyone?

Maybe I'm just different. If I were offered a home on a remote island with supplies regularly left for me, including movies and single player games, and any other whims, but I couldn't ever interact with anyone, I couldn't even go online save for maybe one week a year, I wouldn't take it. I'd much rather take a modest life where I'm in a regular area free to interact with others. My ex-roomies are like that. They would really prefer to just sit at home and almost never do anything than to have friends over or go over to other people's houses. I can understand wanting to be alone sometimes, or for brief periods, but almost all of the time? That I don't get. Back in the day when I had friends it felt sad and strange to have them over less than once every other week, and often times they came over once a week. Sure, I'm not really the type to see people more frequently if I'm not dating them, they aren't my roommates, or they aren't my best friend (which I haven't had a best friend for about half of my life now).

If/when I win my millions I certainly wouldn't stay isolated all the time. Sure, I'd game and watch my movies on my own if I had no friends, but I'd still want to volunteer or work part-time to be around others. While the constant over-stimulation I'm getting now is way too much I wouldn't prefer it to total isolation.

Anyways... crazy rabb1t brain ramblings, hehe. Strive for balance, in all things.

Day 307 - 5/4 - The unlimited becomes limited

Nothing to report today yet really. It's just a few minutes past 12:30, gonna have lunch. Haven't gotten online yet today, just been working. Entered a bunch of Epic Fail, chatted with one of the swimmer peeps about netbooks, and that's really it so far.

Um... k thx bye.

Time passes

Odd turn of events - I guess I wasn't tracking when my unlimited time would cycle and I'm locked out. My 2 hours for teh free is still active, so I can use that until I'm paid on Thursday and can reactivate the unlimited. I guess it's ok, what with class tomorrow and Wednesday I have less time to play, and 2 hours is plenty to keep current on my daily things.

The good news is that it looks like my bank won't charge me for refusing the payment on that. Had they let the charge go through they'd have charged me like $30, which would have been super sad, so I'm thankful they blocked it.

But still... it made me sad. Not so much for the loss of unlimited Intarwebs time, but because I don't have enough for food, and I didn't have enough 'extra' for the $20 for unlimited time, nor $15 for shoes, let alone countless other things. I just don't get it. It seems like so many others have no real problems, yet I'm struggling to have the few things that I do have.

My netbook is acting a bit crazy too. Tonight the keyboard locked up again. That's the third or fourth time now in the past week or so. Works fine by mouse, programs are still running fine, but the keyboard just shuts down with no error messages or anything.

So... I was out playing for a bit, now I'm back at school for about 1 hour until they close. Gotta try and get some sandwich foods after that to cover me for the next few days since the microwave at work is broken.

Guess that's it for tonight. Nothing really good about the day, but I suppose nothing tragically sad either. Just another sad day in a long line of sad times.

'Night peeps.

Day 308 - 5/5 - Cinco de Mayo

Happy Cinco de Mayo peeps. Not really much to report today. I haven't been online yet, so I've no news from my online world. My boss person hasn't given me a letter I need to get out of jury duty. If she doesn't get it to me before I leave things will be difficult as it really needs to go into the mail today and I don't have my gas money to drive back up here again. I've got just enough for today and tomorrow and that's it. I may even need to put in the $2 I have in my wallet to be safe.

The skies are crazy. They are sometimes sunny, sometimes gray, sometimes sprinkling. Kind of sleepy today, but I feel ok other than that.

Made some changes to the graphic card section of my site. It should be easier to read as well as offering me a bit more room for bla bla and multiple card recommendations. I really need to make a carrot icon to denote my personal highest recommendations so those don't get lost in the jumble. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow since I'm off.

Guess that's all so far. K thx bye.

Time passes

I'm totally starvingly hungry and it's only 4:15. Maybe it's because I didn't have a snack around 2ish. I don't really have the extra food for that. I'll have dinner now and then a snack after I get back to the car around 8 if need be. Since I got that donation I had enough to also get a breakfast snack. I still have some of those. I should be ok, but it's odd that I'm so hungry.

Work sent over the letter via fax, so hopefully I can be excused from jury duty. I may not know more on that until Friday. My boss person said she had to go over and talk to someone in person when she got out of it, so I may have to do that. Sheesh, that would burn a lot of resources. It's not exactly close.

Tummy is quieting quickly. Maybe I'll just have half of my dinner sandwich. Can't really spare the drink though now that it's open.

That's all I can think of; might be it for this week's fail. K thx bye.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008, 2009
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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