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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.


Day 197 - 1/14 - Juiciest juice evar and the old dog

Doughnut and juuuuuice. This is the juiciest juice ever - hardly any watering down at all; Just the right juice to water ratio. Been like a month or more since I got a breakfast. My bank still shows some monies and everything is accounted for. I have no idea why I have more (than I thought) other than I must have double counted some stuff in my notes. So, I'm gots juice and doughnut. I need to get some food later when I leave campus. I need to check for my parking sticker and drop some stuff in storage, hopefully vacuum the car. I was thinking of maybe getting a special something to settle my tummy later. It's been freaking out again lately over all the soups. It's unlikely I'll do a full special meal though, as I have to do non micro food Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, which automatically rules out any soup on those days, cheap or not.

It's kind of funny - I've been in the Internet lab maybe half a dozen days now and two of the three people that have shifts when I'm there said they can count on me for knowing the answers to student hardware / software issues (when they don't have the answer) hehe Not so much helping on the boards though lately. Those have quieted down.

After breakfast I'll head over to see about setting up an appointment with a counselor to do the paperwork hoops for trying to get loans. May or may not get in to see one today.

Um... that's it really. The car was frosting again this morning, so the cold is returning. Though, I don't have a sweater on now and it isn't too bad. Some of the warmth is still here and there are several people in shorts. I may consider picking mine up again, but the window for shorts weather during the day is still fairly small, just a half dozen hours or so. Great if you have a home you are coming from / going to, not so good when you are on campus 16+ hours per day. That's it so far. Job posts are still extremely slow, so nothing there to report.

K thx bye.

Time passes

So I went to the ex-house, dropped off some stuff, checked mail, and vacuumed out and rinsed off the car. I was surprised how normal I started to feel while there doing that. I guess it makes sense what with how I like myself clean and shaved that cleaning the car would help me feel normal. I went to buy some foods, then went back to the ex-house again to drop off something I forgot and get my shorts. It was warm enough to consider shorts today. Though now, at just past 5, it is rapidly cooling off. I couldn't though, as the ex-roomie who like hates me was going in to the garage as I got there. He didn't see me. I are a ninjar! I turned and went back to the car and drove away when I saw him. I wonder if he was in the house during the first time I was there - can't be sure. It's a duplex, so there is the house, then an additional house, then the garage, so he likely would have had no clue I was there before as his hearing isn't that good.

Sadly it seems a loan will likely be impossible. I chatted with a counselor person to get what I needed - which did provide a possible lead back in at the masters level - but when I took the final papers to financial aid the person said it would only be approved if I had some kind of written guarantee by the other college that taking these classes would get me back in (to a masters program). Such a paper would be awesome. I fought and was run around like a dog chasing his own tail for like six months trying email and phone calls to figure out how to get back in. So, since I couldn't get one before, it is unlikely such a plan will suddenly be revealed to me. Although I suppose Fate may have played a part in the timing and I could suddenly find the answers which were previously hidden from me, particularly with a potential new lead.

Sadly this news means any kind of netbook or laptop soon is completely out of the question unless someone donates one to me (either off my Amazon wish list or sends me an old one they no longer need) or, of course, I win lottery monies. I did pick up a few tickets, so we never know.

I wonder though if I'd continue on my current counseling / teaching path or not if I were to suddenly win enough money to not need to ever worry about money ever again. I am very insightful and people have said my (counseling type) chats have helped at various times over the years. But sometimes... sometimes I will be in class and feel lost or sad because it is going over basic information I should easily recall but seem to have forgotten. Sometimes I very much feel like an old dog (the one who can't be taught new tricks) and I worry... I worry that even with enough time and enough money to cover the costs, would getting said degree help? Or is it too late in life to start over, even if I were to succeed at getting my new degrees?

Day 198 - 1/15 - Ch-ch-ch-changes

Exciting day for PC stuff. The Nvidia GTX 285 launched, which is mostly an overclocked GTX 280, but being now 55nm it's price will drop a lot faster than the 280. I decided to add on some AMD based system build recommendations, so there is that too.

Took a shower after I got up, so I'm nice and cleeeean. It is like spring again, a lot more people in shorts, particularly girls. I've just got two shirt layers on and I'm warm enough.

I was going to watch some Sanctuary this morning, I'm behind a few there, but the Internet lab was closed for some reason. I guess it's ok, as making those changes to my site took about 2 hours, which was my morning so far post shower. It's just after 1 I think, got some beef vegetable soup to nom for lunch.

I actually feel pretty good and somewhat happy today, a rare thing these days. I think it's mostly due to the warmer weather and how people are happier in general and socializing more because of it. I peeped a weather site and it's supposed to get cold again this weekend, so it won't last too long I guess.

Um... I guess that's it really. It seemed much more interesting when I was thinking about it. I love helping peeps and I love talking about PC gaming parts.

Thanks for reading and wishing teh rabb1t life gets better. It's good to know people care, even if I'll never meet you.

Time passes

Well, today is almost over. It's between 7:30 and 7:45 and I'm having dinner. How odd to be eating and relaxing on campus on a Thursday. I think I've worked them for over 2.5 months now. Hopefully my question / plea for retaining Thursdays will result in not losing more. I'd be upset if it were given to me to cover for someone who bailed only to be taken away later by some noob they hired and gave two shifts to right off the bat.

I guess I accomplished a lot. I tweaked the site in some ways I feel happy about, good forward steps I think, and I got to watch some Sanctuary and mess around with some theorycrafting with my Death Knight.

No progress with jobs, but, well, that's just the economy really. The sites I use are still showing hardly any posts compared to when I was first looking for a better job over a year ago, and some listings are starting to show zero postings at all. Not too much I can do but keep moving forward by taking what classes I can get in to as long as I'm covered for most fees and just hope that I can ride it out.

Guess that's it. Hope everyone is happy, warm, and safe in a home. Maybe eating dinner or pew pewing in a fun game.

Day 199 - 1/16 - Not .pdf day

I decided to stop at the former class campus and get my .pdf updates. I can also print for teh free there and there are some things I need to print. I may or may not make Fridays a regular .pdf update day in the future, we'll see. I live life pretty much one day at a time these days.

Lunch nom at just about 12:30, so I've actually got fewer than 3 hours left on my main campus before I head out. Not much to do though, a minor site tweak is all. Checked jobs, checked most boards, so that's done already.

I saw a cutie to rose. I should start making a list, as several are ones I see around but who aren't in a class where I'm fairly sure to see them. Looks like only four on the list so far, which is about average. I just hope to the gods that I go back to two shifts a week to afford it. If not it would have to be sacrificed from regular food costs or something.

Feelin' pretty good today. I slept 'till nearly 10, which is just crazy these days. Though, I have been having a hard time getting to sleep. I don't think I fallen asleep much before midnight lately. So, roughly 7 hours, then I have to move, then today +2 post move. I guess 9 total hours of sleep last night, which is normal for me, not counting the cramps and sometimes lighter sleep depth due to cold past about 4 AM. I think part of feeling better has to do with being able to shower every other day again now that it's warm enough to dry my towel during the day.

I checked out a big massive fat book for one of my classes from the library. It's an older edition, but it's all stuff I should know already. I'll plow through that this weekend since I have effectively all day Sunday and Monday to read. The professor lets us use an unlimited number of 3x5 notes on the tests (a really weird concept since we are limited to just that size), so it shouldn't be too difficult to pull the critical info for the class in the space of two full days.

That's it really. Maybe there will be more later.

Time passes

Well poo. It's closed. I can't use the PC lab at the old class campus. Now the changes I made can't be undone until Tuesday. Thankfully only my Death Knight strategy tips and retired build links will fail, two very minor things which will likely get extremely few hits. But, this does mean Friday updates are out of the question. It would have to be Thursday or a special trip. Hopefully I'll get Thursday nights back and can do that every few weeks. Ideally I'd get a job that pays enough for it to become a moot point, but progress on that is extreemly slow.

Looks like oil is low in the car. Guess I should have checked that sooner. Maybe I should make a mental note to check that like every couple of fill ups. I think I told you peeps to do it, but have forgotten to do it myself, heh. Gonna cut into food money to get oil though.

Well, nearly out of spare time. Guess I made the extra trip for nothing. I suppose not totally nothing, as Fate reminded me to check oil and I may not have had time otherwise. (I've thought of it and forgotten several times now, since I can't leave myself notes in my keyboard like I used to.) Well, at least I can study on shift and have my music to listen to if I want.

Off I go.

Day 200 - 1/17 - A ray of hope

It's just after 4. I'm having a snack of bread, cookies, and a drink.

A bit of exciting/hopeful flirting news today, hehe. This morning I put my parking sticker on my car and threw away my temporary permit which is still good 'till the 24th. I then left my car to shower. Later I was coming back from taking my shower and I noticed a cutie buying a parking sticker for herself. I thought, "Woooo, she's cute. I wonder if she's in my class." There are only a few classes that meet at this time where people would go to from this lot. My brain then recalls the temporary permit. I rush over to the trash and get it out before she can see. On her way back to her car I give it to her. (Bad rabb1t! *bops self on the nose* That's like stealing.) She was all, "Thanks. " I go back to my car and get my class stuff. Sure enough she's talking to the professor about adding when I get in to the class. I give her my card and say she can email me for notes. She didn't sit near me, but later during class we had an exercise where we were supposed to match traits to people. Right as I'm getting my paper (I was near the back of the room) I hear a female voice from the front sort of happily sing, "Eeeerrrriiiccc... I know which you are " and I'm all "Whuuuttt?" and look up to see the cutie coming over. She sits down next to me smiling and says something like, "You like to meet new people..." pointing to the paper where that question is. "Heeeyyy. I read this wrong. This says 'hates to'." For those of you just tuning in this is where I say Fate played a part - three times now. (Once for this being the day I toss my temporary permit. Once again for me being able to give her my card minutes later. And big time for her misreading something and approaching me based on that misperception.) So, she came over to me. I replied, "Actually I'm kind of shy. I did it because yer hawt." And did my sort of gentle flirting shoulder nudge. She replied, "Whuuuttt?  *giggle*" So, that could be a something there. She's super super cute and hawt. Did I mention how cute is different from beautiful which is also different from hawt? I find those who are "beautiful" actually sometimes have a hard time being "cute", whereas it seems cute can quite quickly be "beautiful". I prefer cute and hawt, which I guess bounces between both cute and beautiful, as cute is more... real... and... fun natured? I don't know, it's hard to explain the differences. Her name is Katelyn, but she put Katie on a name tag that we have to wear. She has my infos for contact if she wants. I'll definitely give her Valentines stuffs, but that's not for like three more weeks.

Sooo... library access is basically over. I'm going to hurry to the public library to print some stuff for teh free, then off to do laundry. Sooo... yeah, off I go.

Time passes

Good time to show up at the laundromat, not any crazy people here and Psych and Monk are on. Though I only caught the second half of Psych, so that's sad. No other update yet.

Day 201 - 1/18 - Wrinkled fingers and toes

Today has gone a bit different than I expected so far. I was woken up around 7:30 by what sounded like a knock on a wooden door (in the distance). Noone was around when I looked, but it could have been really or it simply could have been part of my dreams... Strange dreams about being in the mafia killing some higher rank guys who were out to get the boss only to be chased down by them later as zombies. At one point one of them had become so undead he had his arm replaced with a saw arm and his head was little more than a skull. Near the end of the dream I was escaping from him in an arctic area, hopping from pad to pad, and I leaped super far when I was about 100 feet away from him. Everything went into super slow motion. He shot at me, and I shot at him, we both had 6 shot revolvers. His bullets were only visible when they were super close, whizzing by. One tore through my pants, but missed me, a few barely missed me in other spots. My only chance was to hit a flammable canister he was going to throw at me (because, as we all know, burning zombies is the only way to really finish them off, right? ) I shot a few times, and with my 6th and final shot, the camera zoomed in super close to show the bullet pierce the canister, the flammable gas now hissing out as the camera panned back. I curled super tight into a ball as I was still slowly traveling through the air in super slow motion. He fired his last shot and it ignited the gas around him, which went back to the canister, making a huge explosion which rushed forward, rapidly melting the ice around me and causing a flood of semi-frozen water that surrounded me and refroze because the rain put out the fire, forming a bubble around me that sealed me in.

I drove over to school to get some more rest then shower, but the gates were still locked. I drove to the Target lot across the way, as that is the closest location and where I'd spend my time until the public library opened. I figured, 'meh, I'll check the shower again later.' To my surprise the line which was there wasn't a regular line. People came out with Wii Fit and the Wii. Turns out that was a WiiLine. Dear God. Here we are now about 2.25 years post launch and the system is still in super high demand. I'm still seeing tons of sales, while I haven't seen a purchase of another console in months. About an hour after they've opened the excitement dwindles and I decide to check the showers. Woot! They were open. Not only that, but they were actually hot. Not the luke warm they have been since early August, but genuinely hot. With three going I got up a small amount of steam.

A hot shower with a little steam - one of those things so many do on a daily basis yet think so little of. For me a hot shower really connects me to everything. I feel ready and alert. My skin soaks up the warmth like on a warm sunny summer day. After, I'm ready to go join that raid, do those quests, get those loots, head out to a job, help people on boards, ready to study, or hang out with a sweetie and/or friends. But now I can do none of those. I sit in my car and wait. I wait for the library to open to get access to the systems. I'll do my studying as well. I'm not sure how far I'll get today and tomorrow, but collecting notes for the entire semester wouldn't surprise me, as it's material I've seen before and basically all common sense.

So that's my day really. It's 10:30, but that's all there is. Strange dreams brought on by the chill of the morning and thoughts in my head about recent game and DVD/Blu-ray releases, a bit of library access, and some studying. As always, thoughts and wishes for friends, a sweetie to love, a job that pays enough that I enjoy at least a small bit, and access to my games. Not too much to ask for I think, yet a life which continues to elude me.

Time passes

Well, it's now just about 5. The sun is setting and the day is nearly over. After my shower I felt happy, excited, alive, like I could conquer the world. After I did my writing and began my homeless day I was rapidly reminded the world has conquered me. I became sad, tired, maybe a bit listless. I could hardly study at all. I dozed off once or twice and when I was awake my brain just didn't care. It wasn't in the mood. I should be fine. It's all material I've had half a dozen times before and the test isn't for another 8 days, plenty of time.

But now... now the night approaches. It starts to grow cold, people begin to go back to their happy homes. People begin to leave their homes to go out to dinner, or movies, or both. Me, all I have is yet another meal of bleh food I can't cook and hours alone in my car before I try and sleep another cramped and cold night.

As long as I draw breath and retain my faculties I still have hope, though it may fade and wane in strength some days more than others.

Tomorrow is another day and only Fate knows what that day may bring.

Time passes

I updated my .pdfs at Kinkos for teh cheap, woot. Took three minutes and cost like $1.20 total. While I certainly wouldn't do that on a regular basis that's less than it would have cost to make a special trip to the other campus. (That usually takes about 1.5 gallons of gas, so about $3.00 with current prices.) One file will be current for about 4 months or more, so woot there. My Death Knight tips file is only very slightly outdated, and likely won't change in a big way until I can play again. Epic Fail's .pdf is, of course, going to be behind the web version, but at least now it has two or three more weeks that it didn't before. The trip did teach me something important though - Microsoft Word 2007 files can not be automatically saved as a .pdf. Apparently I would also need to get (Adobe) Acrobat or something. I'll have to look into how much that would cost as well when I start doing them on my own system. (Researching this later it appears to be a free download add-on for Word 2007, phew.) (I previously found out Word is like $100 to get the current 2007 Student version.) Of course I could just do this again at like $0.40 per minute, but that may very quickly add up to more overall cost.

That's all that's news so far. It's about 7:45 and although that cheered me up a little it's still sad to think I should have been able to do this days ago from my home in seconds, and then updated the site seconds later, and it's just another reminder how much of my life can't be done normally right now.

Day 202 - 1/19 - I have a dream

Strange dream again last night. In one I was the new Bond. Not the new actor, but the actual spy. I was at some charity dinner event and bad guys came in and I had to stop them. In another there was just strange repeating songs.

It's later morning, just past 10:15. I slept a ton. I got maybe 9 hours, moved to the tennis park around 8:15, then zonked out again until just short of 10. Having a small snack lunch now.

Feeling ok today so far. It's warming up and I've got my shorts on. Hopefully I can stay in a good mood for studying. It is much tougher to do not in a home than I anticipated. Normally I do it at my computer, or while watching some TV sitting on my bed, or I'll study test notes between groups or between fights when playing a game. It occupies both parts of my brain (fun side and serious side). In the car, in the library, bleh. My neck is at a bad angle, the book in odd spots, I can't type in notes. *sigh*

It will likely be a very uneventful day of me trying to study in various spots, what with school and government things closed a lot of peeps are out and about, but I have zero library access and will just be in my car all day / night unless I walk out to a park area. I'd consider it, but I don't know if it will be that warm.

Hope everyone has a fun holiday.

Time passes

It's totally warm and springtimey now. I've got just shorts, a tanktop, and undies on. One window is totally open. Again, a super awesome day to invite friends for an impromptu Winter BBQ. I expect at around 5 it will rapidly cool after the sun goes down, but only being about 12:30 now that's quite a while. Mmmm I can feel the sun penetrating my fleshy bits to go to my bones. Odd thing to say for a night type critter (near cat-like night vision, stay up till midnight typically, etc.) but it feels nice.

Well, back to getting ahead on studying. K thx bye.

Time passes

Bam! Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Play time for the rest of the semester for that class. (Provided I get the chance.) It's just past 3:30 and I've plowed through all the reading for that class. The further in the book I went the more familiar I was with the concepts. By half way through I was already starting to predict 'what came next' or was already familiar with what was being discussed. Not unexpected, as I knew I could finish this weekend, as it is all material I'm familiar with. But, that's a good tip if you haven't discovered it on your own yet. Remember how the other day my brain just wasn't in a mood to study and couldn't absorb information? Well today was just the opposite - understanding, absorption, and making notes came easy and quick. When doing any task, if you have a chance, it is best to do the task that fits your mood. If studying is going quick keep going and get ahead, totally finish if you can. That way your notes (or assignments or whatever) are ready and you don't have to worry about them in the future. If I were in a home I would now be free to play my games, watch TV, do assignments, whatever, because I don't have to worry about notes for that class. I often get ahead in classes like that, by doing bursts of quick work on notes or assignments. I find it is far more efficient to go with your moods than it is to fight against them. (If you have the time and flexibility to do so.)

So, phew! Lots of time left in the day... well only 1 or so hours 'till sunset... and I don't have anything to do but stare at shoppers, but it's more time during the coming weeks I can spend on boards and/or watching videos. And, as always, I can hope to suddenly fall into money to get a gaming capable laptop or suddenly find a way back into a home and normal life.

That's it. Small but happy update/tip.

Day 203 - 1/20 - Gaming in 3D

Let's see... Not much truly noteworthy yet today. A touch later lunch just after 1. I'm having a good soup, got some for teh cheap last night, and I found some abandoned spicy curly fries at the table I picked. I did the critical rabb1t updates I've been building up over the past few days. It looks like WoW got patch 3.0.8. Exciting news as that changes Heart Strike to a multi-strike ability. Looks like the talent page hasn't been updated yet, so I can't do any theoretical changes or checks yet. Good to know the big change I was hoping for will be there when I can get back in to play. I watched Psych, Sanctuary, 24, and the Office. And that's really it today so far.

Time passes

The day is over in the blink of an eye. It's 7:15 now and I'm having dinner. I'm not really sure what happened. It feels like it should only be around 3. I guess I accomplished a great many things. In addition to what I mentioned before, I got Epic Fail current, made several posts about Nvidia's new GeForce 3D Vision (which allows games to be 3D with the right screen if the game is compatible), and added an entry about it on my PC page. I checked some job sites, sent out a few resumes, and watched How I Met Your Mother. But it seems odd. Site updates and entering Epic Fail were the bulk of my day, not counting the like 2.5 hours of show watching. It's like I'm experiencing missing time, like it should be much earlier than it is.

Well, soon I'll be sleeping I guess, with visions of Warcraft in 3D dancing in my head.

Day 204 - 1/21 - Feeling alone

Lunch time, looks like around 12:15. I feel kind of alone today, I guess would be the best way to describe it. No replies in email may have something to do with it. I sent out a few resumes and didn't get a reply, and a few students in my Saturday class are supposed to get ahold of me but haven't. One promised to get me a copy of the "syllabus", which I need for one assignment that is basically due on Saturday. (Why professors in both of my classes don't hand out the assignment or put them in .pdf form for teh free is beyond me.) I don't know if I can get to the material to do it even if I knew what to do. We need to do something with a movie, but there is no copy of that movie here on campus. I'll have to check public libraries.

The counselor I helped back in the day just saw me again. I saw her just recently when I did the financial aid thing, but she couldn't help me then. She asked if I got helped, which is nice to be remembered, recognized, and worried about.

The day seems normal speed today. I still can't believe how fast yesterday seemed to pass. I hardly remember it. It's chilly today. I think it may now be colder than it was earlier in the morning. I "smell nothing", but it seems like a storm is coming.

I helped, well sort of helped, a few people in the Internet lab again today, heh. One seems to have lost a file. She saved it, but couldn't find it anywhere (to email to herself). Another saved his file but couldn't find it, but we found it by doing a search (which I helped him find as he wasn't familiar with Mac.) So, chatted and was friendly with some people.

But still... I feel strangely alone - I guess a bit like someone in a large pool floating in a tube, while everyone around me is having fun splashing each other and playing tag games.

Heh, someone just walked by with a "Know your mushrooms" shirt with old school Super Mario mushrooms pictured underneath. It's so crazy how prevalent gaming is. I don't know if it's just the school, which I think in part it is, or if it is just that much more popular now. On any given day in the cafeteria I see a few people with a hand held system, sometimes a laptop playing something, often collectable card games at one or two tables, and often hear people talking about games in various places on campus. There is a laptop on about 1 out of every 6 tables, sometimes more, cell phones or iPods going on about every other, and I think how different the cafeteria is now, how just 15 years ago it must have been a very different place. Has the world caught up to me? Or have I simply been sitting still while technology multiplied?

Time passes

Snack time, nearing 3. Well, now I can smell it. In fact, it is likely everyone can smell it, as some time between lunch and a few minutes ago when I left the library it has rained enough to make everything wet. Not a storm, but certainly undeniable evidence of rain.

Nothing really new to report other than that. I guess just maybe Fate giving me one of the little nods, assuring me that my instincts are worth trusting.

Time passes

Early dinner time, nearing 6:30. There are not one, but two netbooks here in the cafeteria at the moment. I saw one running a video, so that totally confirms running at least some video content is fine. (It was a pre-loaded type site, not a streamed one.) Funny that, as I just today re-checked some of the non-gaming models. (After around I think a month of not really looking.) Seems there is now an Asus Eee PC 1000HA at $380, woot! I couldn't do online gaming save for maybe Free Realms, but it would allow me to do my homework, notes, and web stuff without interruption or worry about monopolizing a system. I still continue to hold on to hope that someone will see it on my wish list and donate it to me or that I can gather enough monies to get one. That's quite a bit less than the gaming capable one, and not doing online gaming (WoW) would be... ok, as I'm not really sure it would be feasible even on the best of gaming laptops.

Nothing else really to report. I did find some abandoned chicken nuggets to nom and a lost apple. I'll have to wash the apple, but it seems just bruised a touch in one or two spots, but otherwise intact. That is, provided the plastic knife can cut away the bruises. A rare treat, as I think it's been like 9 months since I could afford fruit. You'd think with all the food wasted / lost on campuses each day, in fast food places, in restaurants, we could easily tend those in need. If I recall though, legally these people have to throw away the extra food (either left by people or which is left over from that day's cooking.) A shame that, as I'd think, particularly in these trying times, they could easily set up a table in places like the cafeterias for 'left overs' which are unwanted. While I suppose that would hurt the overall economy (by reduced purchases) it would certainly help those who could use the extra food others would toss into the trash. Makes me sad to think of all the wasted food and all those it could help who need it.

"We recently celebrated our 55th anniversary... here is my daughter... and here is my other daughter... and here are their children..." I hear from a few tables away. The 50th anniversary is often a very big and fanciful event. Sadly I will never live to have such an event. Well... I could, I suppose, if I were to marry before my next birthday and outlived my two grandparents by two years. Wouldn't that be something? The adventures they must have had, to be married for so long.

Day 205 - 1/22 - That's my day

Bit of a late lunch at around 1:30. Since my last check it seems three episodes of Knight Rider got posted. I think I checked like a week ago, so that's crazy. Well, it seems they did some major cast shifting. I wonder if that was always planned or if others (in power) felt the same way I did about things. It will be interesting to see how they move forward. It's implied they may move forward in a manner closer to the original series.

Um... that's really it. No job news, no real class news other than my assignment is ok to bump a week.

It rained all last night, so my sleep was a bit crazy. It has been raining today too, though it is more of a super heavy mist lately. Helped someone on a board, but this is a silly person. They always ask me questions that my site answers. Hellllooo that's what the site is for, hehe.

I guess I misread the news about the GeForce 3D Vision. Not all HDTVs are compatible by being 120 Hz (or faster). I guess they also need to be DLP compliant as well, whatever that is. I guess only one manufacturer does that currently, so that leaves only the two native PC monitors as real options for use with the glasses. Hopefully more monitors will come out very soon.

Another Thursday I have no mini work. It's so odd to be on campus and have nothing to do all day really but wait. Maybe it's just because I'm getting used to just waiting and having no control of things.

Guess that's it for now.

Time passes

Well, something good came of helping that person with the recommendation. He questioned the bad reviews on a monitor I recommended and after pondering and looking around I found a few better ones to put in my recommendations. It only had 13 total reviews, which isn't the best validation, and no official reviews to speak of. I always welcome people keeping me on my toes like that, so I suppose it's a good thing he messaged me after all. Normally that's something I look through with my end of the year update, but I guess I missed it. Not really surprising since I had to break my research into 3 or 4 sessions if I recall.

Dinner time now, just after 7:15. I would so love to be eating a hamburger meal with cookies or mini chocolate doughnuts for dessert. Better still Oreo Cookie ice cream. But I can't afford it. I've got to stay super careful with my money, doubly so since I still don't know if I'll go back to two nights a week in the future. I still don't know how I'll pay my mandatory bills next pay check. Paying the DMV is like $65, which is more than 50% of everything I'll get. Adding on another nearly $70 for membership fees I owe for my car insurance and I'm beyond completely out of money. I can't postpone the DMV. I'm going to have to further risk not paying my insurance dues, though very bad things would happen should I need to use it.

I guess that was really my day. A normal day all in all I suppose, full of sadness, wishing I had a sweetie, wishing I had RL friends, wishing I could be playing my game(s), wishing I could watch my shows, wishing I could cook and eat my regular foods, wishing I had a job with enough hours, enough pay, and I was happy to do more days than not.

Day 206 - 1/23 - A rest in the ring

Lunch time between 12:15 and 12:30. Normally I have to avoid this time for lunch, as it can get too crowded to find a single seat easily, but it's Friday. There is never a problem finding a seat on Fridays. Unfortunately there isn't anything interesting to report. I watched an episode of the Clone Wars, which I would have watched much louder if I could have, couldn't watch too loud or I'd have disturbed others, and I watched an episode of Bones. I signed up for a something for class, but that's really my day so far save for minor site tweaks.

I found some yummy cookies on sale, the shortbread type with a chocolate bottom and stripes on top, so that's happy. It should be ok. I'm still super tight on my budget, but I don't think I'll need more gas by Thursday when I get paid. So the whopping $5 I have budgeted may be useable on food.

Ug. The regular crackers were completely out and this other kind was on sale. I see why. They seem to be semi stale and just bleh tasting. I won't ever buy this kind again. (Provided I remember.)

Guess that's it for now. I feel meh and it is still lightly raining / heavy misting today. A good day to run with yer sweetie huddled under a shared umbrella to and from places you are going.

Time passes

It's sad there is an alarm and cleaners here at mini work. I don't know how often the cleaners come by but I could pretty easily sleep here at night. There is this boxing ring they put in a few months ago in a side room. It's actually really comfortable to rest on - my blankets, a real pillow, a towel under me to protect me from dirt - it could make an awesome bed. But then I've always preferred a more firm bed to an overly soft one, maybe it has to do with my bad lower back. I think, from now on, as long as I'm homeless and here, I'll take a break in here during my shift. Not to sleep mind you, just to lay out flat for a change, stretch myself out a bit. I don't know if I mentioned it but back in the day I had a mini workout I'd do every few nights. I'd stretch to one side and back, loosen my spine, stretch out my calves and legs, try and lay flat and relax so my spine, shoulders, and hips straighten out. Anyways, I was getting pretty regular with it and getting decent flexibility for the first time in years just before I lost my place. Now... now I'm all cramped up all the time. My neck, shoulders, and lower back were always bad, but now they are solid rocks. I'll sit at a computer station an hour, go to get up, and it's like my spine is reluctant to move. So yeah, I think I'll start a boxing ring stretch / rest / recovery plan from now on. I'd have done it sooner, but, well, every day that passes I still hope I'm not in my bad situation the next day. And when that day is over I'm surprised the day passed with no change at all.

As always, I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Day 207 - 1/24 - "Have a nice weekend"... is it possible any more?

As I'm leaving the library the friendly librarian person says to me, "Have a nice weekend." I know he genuinely meant it, but for me, when I leave the library on Saturday, my weekend is over. It effectively ends my email contact, leaving only a few hours of access on Sunday. I suppose, at any time, something cool and unexpected may come up, but it is highly unlikely. How odd to think in reply, "Not likely. My weekend is ending with these steps." Back in the day I could have had any number of fun adventures in a game on a weekend, or seeing a movie, or finding something on TV, or with a something I'd bought (again likely a game or movie), sometimes sharing things with friends, but these days... these final steps are the end of my fun, unless I happen to have money for laundry or Panda Express that weekend, which this one I do not.

Nothing from Katie cutie this week, though the friendly person who said she'd get me the syllabus did give me that, woot. At quick glance I became sad. Over half of it is stuff I don't need and students won't care about and will just throw away. So much wasted resources. That thing is like 40 pages times 40 students, just this one quarter. It would be vastly less waste if it were online and downloadable.

Having a snack in the car, sort of splitting lunch up again. Food is super tight. Although I'll have "enough", it is only a few slices of lunch meat, a handful of crackers, and a soda. I have a few dollars in my wallet, so I'll likely get a $1 food item from Taco Bell for dinner tonight and again tomorrow. How crazy to think what most would consider a small snack is what I've been having for meals these past months.

I hope this doesn't become a permanent scar. All these weekends alone watching others go about their business of getting stuff they need and doing fun things while I sit alone with no money.

Will I be able to recover alone? How much longer will this struggle be to find not just a job I enjoy, but even just a part time something I could at least find tolerable to hold me out? How much more of my life will be spent wasted alone achieving nothing (not counting Epic Fail)?

I feel like an old statue, there in view but noone cares. Unable to move and unable to change. Alone in the wind, exposed to the cold and the rain. Pooed on and not cared about, noone stopping to see the beauty or majesty I once had. Left alone to slowly fade and be corroded by time and the elements.

Day 208 - 1/25 - More sad

It is likely somewhere around 2 or 2:30. I won't bother checking as it isn't super important. I got my hot shower this morning then went to the main public library. There really wasn't anything going on with the boards, so I decided to look at other libraries for the movie I need for class. I found it at one near my mini work. Took about $1 in gas for the trip and what will be the trip back, burning out a lot of what I had, but I can drop it off Friday on the way to mini work and it won't really be any extra gas then. I suppose the gas is less than the $3-5 it would have cost to rent, so that's something at least. The web here is the slowest ever. I could barely connect to anything so I gave up. They also have no systems that can watch DVDs, so I can't do that. Effectively I've got nothing to do all day. But then I knew that would be the case after my two hours at the main public library, so getting the movie for class is at least something.

It's a super sad day. The weather is a mix of a sort of sunny and sprinkly rain. My lack of money for food or other necessary things is making me very sad. Looking at my bills last night I figured after paying the DMV I've got roughly $20 for gas, which is minimal for two weeks, really pushing that, enough for maybe one wash during those two weeks, then about $23 for two weeks of food - roughly $1.50 per day. I don't know how I'll manage on that little of an amount. That's like one cheap soup and one soda and that's it for the entire day. I may be able to squeeze in a Ramen here or there, but that is barely any food at all. This doesn't even count how my phone bill is likely overdue, I haven't looked lately, or the $65+25 for car dues for insurance, or $150 for at least two tires so they don't slip on the road and kill me, or other things like $200 for an eye exam and contacts, or even fun things like $10 to do Valentines day or other small monies for a decent full fast food meal.

Bleh, super sad. So many critical needs, so little money. Constant worry if I'll have enough to eat or enough for gas to get where I need to be, let alone to interviews. Constant worry about a tire going out, slipping and crashing, or losing a contact.

As always these days I hope and prey a friendly person sends some help. Even $5 would be a huge deal these days, though I've gotten no donations since Xmas. It seems so long ago. I'm super thankful for the ones I've gotten though. I don't know how I'd have managed without them, and I don't know how I'll manage without another soon. If my single shift weeks continue I don't know how I'll eat at all in the coming days.

Day 209 - 1/26 - Mini work poo

Not much to say so far. It's just after 1 and I'm having lunch. I actually got here at around 12:40 but there was a huuuuge micro line. On the plus side I found a table with abandoned fries. Spicy curly fries are way better cold than these regular fries, but free nom is free nom.

I helped out a cutie this morning. She didn't have monies to print a report or the card you put monies on, and I'm like, "I should have enough " and she's like, "Yeah? Yeeeaaa. Thank you thank you. " I was hoping for hug thank yous, but she had her boyfriend's card, which also had no monies. I think I totally would have gotten some if she were single though.

I have to remember I have class tonight. We didn't have one last week and I get forgetful about one night a week classes.

Guess that's it really. Still terribly sad, but slightly less so what with school being open and having access to stuff. No job news yet though, so business as usual. I guess I should say life as usual to be more accurate, heh.

Time passes

Having a snack of Ramen, crackers, and a Pepsi. The Ramen doesn't really work microed though. The water never really gets hot enough to do the noodles right. One of 'the roses' is here, well was, she's leaving now. Too young for me, but super cute and attractive, very distracting the closer she gets to me, so she's totally a rose. Up to about five now. Hopefully I can afford candies for them, though actual chocolate roses, for what the tradition was named, may not happen even if I had some money. It seems, so far, I've only seen the single ones, which are $3-4 each. Which is ridiculous, as that's what real ones would cost. In prior years I would get a six pack for like $10, and that's much more reasonable a cost. I'll likely just do bags with candies. Hopefully I can print 'the card' and find some ribbon to tie it with. Hopefully I can afford the like $10 to get a couple of different candies to do that.

Nothing really new to say other than that so far. Maybe I'll have more at dinner after class. Big headache, but the sun is finally starting to come back out, so I guess that's something. Wearing my sweater all the time makes me a sad bunny.

Time passes

Dinner nom between 8:45 and 9. I'm having a cheap chicken soup and Pepsi. I found a small apple, yummmm, and a handful of spicy curly fries. If times like this continue I may yet survive my one meal days. Which brings us to the sad news of the day's post - I got email word just before my class that not only do I have one shift a week for this two week set, but for all weeks through March. I basically sent a polite version of, 'WTF? This Steve noob who just showed up two weeks ago not only got my Thursday shift last set, now he has it every set, in addition to two other nights when I've been here 6+ months and have just one shift now?!' That is not ok to cut my shift and give it to a noob resulting in their getting 3x the shifts as everyone else. (There are like 10 people working total. Steve gets three shifts, one other person gets two, and the rest of us get just 1?) Very not ok. I'm tempted to tell any new employer I could work whenever and give mini work zero notice for cutting me down in shifts and giving it to a total noob instead. I don't see how I'll possibly manage on roughly $2 total for food per day for the next 2.25 months. That is effectively one 'meh' soup and one soda for the entire day or soda and two cheap soups. I suppose two cheap soups, no soda, and a handful of crackers may also be an option. My brain/body will have a very tough time managing on that small of an amount. And, my tummy is already starting to have big time issues with soups 10x per week. I get good sleep these days, but I need a certain amount of food for the brain and body to function.

I guess there is nothing to be done but be thankful I still have the one shift (though I'm pretty sure as a city employee they can't fire me unless they can prove incompetence) and just 'grin and bear it' until I find something else.

Well... I have been saying I wanted to lose weight. Of course, I've already lost the 10-15 pounds I wanted to lose and discovered, without being able to work out, I'm still roughly the same shape in terms of looks. I doubt losing more weight, in and of itself, will help me get to the shape / fitness level I've been wanting to reach.

Of course, other pressing issues will go extremely critical - the balding tires, my last pair of contacts now have already been worn past when they should have been, etc.

Day 210 - 1/27 - A surprise twist

It's a pretty chilly day today, but the sun is starting to stay out most of the time. It's just after noon and I'm having some lunch nom. I'm having a cheap soup, soda, and some crackers. This will likely be my meal for both lunch and dinner for quite some time inner spaced with a few Ramen meals now and then. Tolerable I suppose, but I fear the damage such meals will do to my system.

Today is yet again a sad day, but a little bit hopeful. I think my test last night went fine. The questions were indeed mostly all ones I could have answered on the first day. The cutie who was going to add that I gave my card to didn't show up. Sad, but I guess unimportant for romantic possibilities as she mentioned she was married. I finished watching the movie and taking notes for a project. I guess I can type that in later. At least I can just leave that in the car now. It's this big old school video tape sized box, so it takes up a ton of room in my smallish bag. I like to stay minimal with what I carry.

I saw an article this morning about unemployment rates here. Apparently my area was up at 9.3% in December while the national average is at 7.2%. It's the highest it's bee in the past 14 years, claims the article. Just gotta keep trying. Though I don't know how I will make it through with just 1.25 meals per day and zero money for critical expenses which are all on timers that are rapidly expiring.

I suppose I can continue to hold out hope for donations, for a job person to offer me at least a part time something, and maybe even to find a friend or sweetie to offer me shelter and help getting back onto my hoppy feets. Not so hoppy these days and my ears are muchly drooped.

Time passes

Did my project. That was pretty easy. It's later in the day around 4:15, having a Ramen and cracker snack. Not much of a snack, but I suppose more than nothing. I guess that's it really. I've started looking at a few other boards to help people with hardware stuff, but I doubt I will visit more than once a week. Not much going on over at those boards.

Starting to feel a bit like a raven when I'm here in the cafeteria. Watching who has what foods, head bopping between various tasty foods, being ready to swoop in and snatch the foods quickly if they abandon them. It's not happy.

Well, I can see the big advantages to always buying food from the cafeteria; you get to pick what you want to eat right when you get it and you don't have to carry anything around with you everywhere. Carrying these foods and micro container everywhere is... sad... when I have to do it every day. I can see why those who can afford to eat out all the time would do so. Although the cafeteria food is a bit above fast food. They seem a bit of a dying breed though in my area. I only know of a few. Most places have become conglomerates of specialized fast food places instead of a few more generalized food makers. I don't know, but it seems one of those things which is sad to see disappearing. At a work, or near it, I'd love a big cafeteria where multiple works mingle together and you have different new choices now and then along with your standard favorites. I guess it just seems more 'mom and pop' to me, like the "diner". You never really know what exactly you'll find when you go in to one. It's like an adventure I guess.

Well... guess I'll go see if I can enter today's fail in preparation for uploading the week tonight. Thanks for reading more of my sad story.

Time passes

Woooaaahhh, surprise twist from Fate! There I was typing in Epic Fail and I hear a familiar voice from behind me talking to one of the librarians. Sure enough there he was a literal ghost from my past, a close friend when I was young, hair streaked nearly all white. I get up and sneak over to him close enough for him to see me and he's all and I'm all He bought me some dinner and some foods for later, so I can has chicken shapes for lunch and/or dinner tomorrow, and we caught up a bit 'on old times'. Seems he's doing pretty good and making like 125k He isn't living real close, sort of, but I'd guess a round trip from campus to there and back would be about $7.50 in gas (not counting the risk to the tires or the funny engine light.) He only has class this one night a week, so I don't know when I'll next see him. Could be something good will come of it, possibly something that lasts, maybe the beginning glimmer of a chance at getting an edge back into re-establishing myself.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008, 2009
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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