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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Day 225 - 2/11 - Nice doggy

Bit of an odd day so far. Someone was blocking me last night, so I couldn't get to sleep until nearly 11. It was raining and windy most of last night, but I slept ok. I woke up at 6:30 before my alarm and came over to campus. I zonked out after getting to campus until after 9:30. I went to take my long shower and saw a doggy on the way back. It was a pretty big doggy and they were chained to the fence at the pool. I think his person was in the work out room. I asked the doggy if they were a nice doggy as I approached. I was sniffed, then the doggy flopped on their side for petting. I pet the doggy on their chest for a bit and their leg that they stretched out against me. It was a totally friendly doggy. By the time I got to the Internet lab it was after 11 and they were closing for a special class. I went downstairs to the main library, read my news, posted on boards, checked a few job sites, and that was it really.

Someone pooed a (gaming) netbook thread I have going, but it's like psh they aren't ideal for gaming, no, but they would be way more gaming than I can do now. And netbooks are way more portable than laptops, being about half the weight, about double the battery life, and smaller size. I found a slightly newer version of the one I'm looking at, an Asus 1000HE. It's $375 vs. $350 for the 1000HA, but it has a slightly more powerful CPU and Bluetooth, and slightly better battery. I don't have any Bluetooth stuff, but for +$25 I think the improvements are totally worth the cost. I think it also has the 802.11n type Wi-Fi, which is supposedly better than the g type.

It's just after 1 now. It took fricken half an hour to get through the micro line. I'm still totally sick. I would love nothing more than to spend a few days resting in bed and playing games, but I can't.

It is going between sunny and rainy today, so that is kind of odd.

Pretty sad today, probably more due to my sniffly, sneezy, sore/raspy throat cold more than anything. But I just can't help but think... 10 donations, $40 each, *BAM* I'd have my netbook. I could be happily doing homework, taking notes in class, cruising gaming and job boards, watching videos, maybe even gaming, wherever and whenever I want (where I get a signal, which supposedly is most of the city.) A fair donation, but only a hand full of people. Yet, in the past year I've only had just over 50 donations total. Is it that noone can help me? That noone wants to help me? Everyone else is in just as much trouble due to the economy? Or is it really that noone can conceive of coming together with others to help me out? Are 'movements' like that too difficult to start to help someone out? Or is it that more are alone than I realize and so everyone assumes in such a situation they would be actually alone and the person they are helping couldn't really reach their goal?

Bleh, just rambling. Guess I should get ready to go out for my time with the kids.

Time passes

Dinner time with a stew-like dinner, crackers, and soda, nearing 7:45. It was absolutely pouring for a few minutes earlier today. It's wet and cold out there now. No wind though and I'd say the cold is more lingering than biting. It seems to take a bit to shake it off when you get indoors somewhere warm.

I had some 1 on 1 time with a couple of the students again. It makes me super happy when I explain stuff and they get it. Maybe this was something Fate wanted me to discover. I am certainly far more comfortable with the idea of teaching at the high school or middle school level now than I was before.

Not much new since earlier. I watched a show, posted on some boards, and actually put out a few part time applications.

Campus is abandoned. It is likely due to the rain and the cold. There are only a few here in the cafeteria and library.

I noticed the class schedule is indeed up, but I can't sign up until like the second week in March, still nearly a month away. Odd they put it up so soon.

The other day the ghost recommended I not pay off my debt people until I'm back in a home. I can see the logic of keeping it for me to get reestablished, but if I can't make enough to pay rent, like I'm only working 20 hours for example, I don't see the point of saving more than $200 a month. I'm now in month 7 and had I been making payments that whole time I'd have paid off about 1/3 of everything I owe. I'd think I'd like to do that, maybe even pay it faster, if I haven't got the income to get into a place. My target of needing $2k a month to cover myself only has some leeway, and that only set's aside about $700-800 for rent. (I forget exactly what's budgeted at this point.) Yeah, I'm surviving on much less now (for those who didn't do the math that leaves ~$1250 for not rent while I've only been making ~$240 these past few weeks.) Obviously some things could be cut from that, like that counts me paying 100% of the digital cable, Internet, and a few other bills, so if I were in a shared home those would be a lot less, but there isn't much leeway and most budgeted items are critical things I'm now forced to ignore.

Anyways, just rambling again I guess. I can't determine what to do with the monies until I get there. It's the same with netbook money, or tire money, or contacts, or the CBEST. I can't really plan until I actually have the money. I guess it's all just 'wishful thinking' right now.

Well, that's likely all for tonight. K thx bye.

Day 226 - 2/12 - The kids think I'm super cool

Early morning breakfast time at 9:45. I got a doughnut and hot chocolate at a coffee place next to the cafeteria. So expensive. But I needed something hot to help decongest me. If I were in a home I'd have likely taken about three showers yesterday to steam up my lungs. I'd have drunk a ton of teas too. I rank as much soda last night during the night as I do in a full 24 hours, more even than that.

I got rained on off and on last night. I was woken up about every other hour. I remembered I have cough drops, so hopefully the extra sleeping I've done the past few days and the cough drops will help me to get better.

All the kids at the school I'm doing my community service at think I'm the coolest. They love my shades, hat, boots, trench, everything. In their eyes I'm young, attractive, and cool.

It is still pretty rainy out there. I guess the rain isn't going away yet after all. Hopefully it will by the weekend. With no class or library time Saturday or Monday I've got many hours of nothing ahead of me. Guess that's it so far. K thx bye.

Time passes

Snack time, just after 3:30. I'm so wiped out. I feel meh and I'm mostly not sleeping, and my lungs are super congested and I'm coughing sometimes. This is one of those colds where you walk across the room and you are wiped out, you need a nap.

They set up an area to take Valentine's pictures at. I took a picture, hehe. It's kind of like my Valentine's though, empty, no people, just a bear waiting for snuggles or friends. Only, you know, mine is with bunnies, heh.

The extra shift person said she would for sure set me up with shifts in March, so yea for that. I'll have a pool mini work and a basketball mini work. Hopefully there will be cuties at the pool, heh. There's only the like two at the basketball work. It won't be a ton of money though, as it's just like 3 hours per shift two or three times a week. I hope my car doesn't explode from all the driving. It's like 15-20 miles per round trip. Not far, but it's been super poppy lately. It's still just the poppy/rattly noise, no other symptoms. (Save for the check engine light being on nearly all the time now.) Maybe some day the ghost will have a bit of time to drive around with me and see if he knows what it is. Could be the engine is dying from old age. It's at 185k+ miles now. I think most engines are retired/rebuilt by then. That would be more cost than the car is worth. Well, not much point talking about it or worrying, I don't have the money to fix/replace the car.

Guess that's it for now. Maybe I'll have something more interesting to say later.

Day 227 - 2/13 - Not the Friday I had planned

While my life doesn't give me the money or resources to make plans these days, today has not at all been what I planned. It started at around 6:50 just as it always does. I went over to school and noticed the lot was completely empty. "Odd even for a Friday," I thought, but I zonked out for about 2 hours. When I woke up it was still completely empty, which is extremely odd. I drove around to the pool side instead of walking since I didn't have to worry about parking, and to keep dry because it was raining. On the locker room door was a notice that campus was not only closed Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, but today as well. The locker rooms were open though, so I got a long somewhat steamy shower which helped decongest my lungs. But thoughts of getting a hot chocolate to clear up my congestion, watching shows, and beginning input of Epic Fail week 33 obviously couldn't happen. I went over for my two hours at the public library, grabbed some lunch after, had my time with the kids, and discovered my front tire was about totally flat. I did hear a pop the other night, but I figured it was a rock. Investigating the tire I found a small nail and discolored ring of stuff around it, so I had to go to the store and drop $6 on tire re-inflating stuff and I'm hoping that holds. Now both right side tires have been reinforced like that.

That's it for my day. That's it for my week. That's it for my weekend. All that's left is 2 hours of public library access tomorrow and Sunday. The rest of the day, the rest of those days, and all Monday is nothing but time in my car.

I hate to make things sound like "poor me", but this totally seems like a "poor me" weekend. Lost a full day of access because I didn't notice school was closed today, and lost $6 on a tire, on an already super reduced pay week. And as I watched all the kids bouncing happily off campus after the last day before a weeks vacation, some with valentines in hand, I thought about what an awesome four day weekend this would be for playing, watching some shows or movies, and just generally relaxing. But my life continues to suck. Instead I get a weekend full of nothing but sitting in my car while occasionally being rained on.

Poor me. *hugs self* Hopefully everyone else out there enjoyed their long weekend.

Day 228 - 2/14 - Valentine's Day minus valentines equals day

Lunch time at 12:30. I got some chicken parts on sale for teh cheap last night, so that's super tasty. I got a long lightly steamy shower this morning. So far it seems like a normal weekend, as both the swim people and volleyball people were there. No real posts to speak of on the boards, so I basically just messed around with netbook infos. Seems the Asus 1000HE really is the best bet, particularly with it being among the cheapest. I hope I can get one soon. Not only would it be awesome for everything I do, like I've got half a dozen site updates on hold as we speak, but I am on limited time at school. The older systems which allow me access to my programs are all slowly being replaced. It's only a matter of time before all school systems block my programs. I checked some job sites as well. Not surprisingly there wasn't anything there really. There was a posting for a spot at the euphNET game center. Unfortunately I can't apply, as two of the four shift times overlap with my classes. If it didn't though, I could only consider it an 'in the meantime' position, as it only pays $8.50 an hour, which is really low around here and would be 50% of the monthly income I need on 80% of full time hours. I could never get reestablished at that pay, nor take another full time job while I was there because there aren't enough free hours. Tempting though, as I could play while working or not working, hehe. With overlap on my class times that won't work, and classes aren't over for another month.

That's pretty much it for my day. In just under 4 hours I'll go do my laundry and hopefully be able to watch Monk and Psych if they are both new. (I guess Monk wasn't new last week.) That's really it though. I may start studying for my tests in about a week, but the rest of today is basically me in my car. Blue skies are peeking out between rain clouds, so hopefully today won't be too wet.

I'd much rather be spending my day doing special things with a sweetie , or playing games, or playing games with a sweetie, updating my site, if even just remotely on a netbook, or other fun activities. I guess I'm ok with it though. For the moment I'm dry, reasonably warm, and as bad and sad as things are they could still be worse.

Time passes

Laundry time, place is empty, as expected. No Psych, Monk, or Burn Notice. They are showing How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. Teh romantic rabb1t loves this movie! Kate Hudson is teh hawt. She's got this regular girl hawtness about her. They need to put it out on Blu-ray, that and Moulin Rouge!

Day 229 - 2/15 - Moar rain, drip drip drip on the roof

The rain is back again. It was super windy for the first half of last night and since then it's been super rainy. It's around 3 PM and I'm hiding in the school parking lot for shelter. Well, hiding from the rain, not the school peeps. The showers were/are open so I took a super long mostly hot shower and decongested a bit. I figure I'll stay here as long as I can. Once a patrol goes by I'll poof, or if it gets to be around 7 PM, whichever comes first. Thankfully my roof hasn't been saturated yet, but it will be if it keeps raining like it is before too long. I had the choice of staying in the library and keeping myself warm and dry while my car roof hits saturation or come out here back to school and keep the roof dry for as long as possible. Between 7 and 11:30 AM I saw a patrol car twice, so there may be one around. I expect they will be around a lot tomorrow, so I won't be able to try this tomorrow.

This long weekend is destroying my food budget. Two extra days of not micro food has gotten kind of expensive. I'll have to thin out my weeks supply of soups with Ramen and go pick up some cheap soups later. I don't have enough to safely pay either bill I was hoping to this paycheck at this point.

I spent the morning pouring over the netbooks again, particularly the Asus 1000HE and Asus N10J. I would still love one of those the most. I just don't see an actual laptop as much of a gain over the N10J until they start to near the $1k range. Considering noone has stepped forward to offer me the $375 for the 1000HE, let alone the $650 for the gaming capable N10J, considering actual laptops in the $1k range seems pretty silly. Guess I just have to try and put it out of my mind again.

After all this time it's still so strange to go shopping. Sure, obviously it isn't so strange to shop for things like the netbooks which would be super helpful for school and everything else and be like, "Damn, can't afford it. ", but just regular food buying is super difficult. Everything produced assumes you have a fridge to keep it cold or a dry safe storage space to store it. Not unexpected really, I mean who doesn't have a place to live where they can put their food, right? I saw tasty breakfast foods, yummy frozen foods, several kinds of lunch meats, cold stuff you micro to get ready, all these kinds of foods... all these kinds I can't buy.

Damn, patrol went by. That's three now I've seen today. I guess I'll mentally set my leaving time for 4:30 (just over 1 hour) to avoid them ... Hum, he just came back again. Doesn't look like he's looking at me, but I guess I should scoot.

Time passes

Well, we are somewhere dry. I'm at a mall I used to buy games at back in the day. It isn't too far from the main hub area, I guess about two miles. All I have to watch, outside of the random passer by, is a wall. I will likely try and study a bit, so my day isn't totally wasted, but there is hardly any light.

Still, I suppose it could be worse. But I still don't get why I'm the only one I've ever known who has this much trouble/bad luck finding jobs, friends, or a sweetie. I have no problem online, or with people I meet in class, or who pass me by, but for whatever reason it seems only one in a zillion truly cares or isn't just passing me by.

Well, maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Time passes

Drip drip on the roof. It's such a horrid downpour that even the concrete parking structure is getting penetrated. I don't know how many years it's been since it's rained this much here. All my life I've loved the rain. I would be inside my house, looking out the window at it, hearing it's pattern on the roof, listening to the drops in the drain, listening to the pitter patter on the concrete. We don't get snow here, rain is as close as we get. (Save for two years we got ice rain.) Rain has always reminded me of home, of being safe, warm, and loved; The elements raging around you while you stay warm inside. Sometimes you would just turn up the heat a bit and peek out of a window. Sometimes you would grab an umbrella and run out to go somewhere, giggling and shivering from how wet you got, changing quickly and warming back up again feeling the warmth inside you and out.

But not this year. This year I'm in the rain. The rain is on me all the time. I'm cold, alone, and wet. I can't get dry. I can't feel the warmth. And although I know there are those out there who may love me, I have no home. I have no surrounding feeling of being loved because I'm so very cold, so very alone, and have no place to live. And as I sometimes do these days, I wonder if I will ever have those feelings again.

Day 230 - 2/16 - Dead presidents

It's Monday, early morning time around 9:15 I think. It's a good day for playing an online game. I know, I know, you are saying, "But miiissster rabb1t, you always say it's a good day for gaming." Well, yeah, it is. But, I guess I should clarify if I didn't before. Days like this, which are a continuing rain in several days of rain, on a Holiday weekend in particular, seem good for those long serious playtimes where you drop 8-10 hours in a raid to get your Gear of Level 80 Doom. Other days, those nice sunny BBQ Spring/Summer days, those seem good for light play, like 2-4 hours online, or calling over friends for a BBQ and silly/casual console gaming.

For the first time in days the rain is lightening up. The sky is somewhat brightening. If this keeps up I may not have to hide in the mall parking structure. My roof will need a few hours of not rain to dry up before bed at least.

That's all I wanted to say really. I'm still, as usual, super sad I can't be online playing with peeps, or playing console games, or watching my shows or movies. I still don't understand why these series of unfortunate events continue. Thinking back over the years it seems so many events have not happened that could have added up to being fine now instead of being where I am. And every day I wonder, why do those continue to not happen? Why is it I continue for months and months and things continue as they are? What is Fate's plan for me and how much longer will it be before I have my share of happy again? Before I have enough friends to have fun BBQs and watch movies with again? Before I have a sweetie again?

Time passes

"He's still in the car, poor thing." I hear a cutie say to the guy she's with when they come back from shopping to their car that's parked across from me. (Not sure if it was a brother, friend, or boyfriend, as there was no physical contact between them.) She smiles, giggles, and waves to me, hehe. She likely assumes I'm waiting for someone, as that's what I appear to be doing. But yeah, poor me. Now 7.5 hours in this exact same spot, with at least 5.5 more to go. Just sitting here in the car, mostly cold and rainy weather. I have gone out to pee, twice, and got a juice for teh cheap and some individually wrapped coffeecake like breakfast foods. But yeah, if I could be in a home I'd have studied, played my game, maybe even have done a dungeon or raid by now, probably have helped some peeps on a few boards. Instead I'm out alone in the cold, sad, and besides fading out to nap for 1/2 hour a few times, done little more than about 15 minutes of studying due to being too sad and cramped to try. Heh, yeah, poor bunny stuck in the car.

Day 231 - 2/17 - Dollhouse

Lunch time, super full in the cafeteria because it's continuing to pour out there. I'm in a crazy place, using a chair as a table again.

So, stupid mini work called this morning. They wanted me to cover a shift tonight. It's like 'wtf? You stiff me for half my shifts, then stiff me to get zero shifts because of a holiday that doesn't fall on one of my days last week, and now you want me to cover your ass this week?' Pretty lame since I effectively have to take it. No dinner with ghost tonight because of that, nor help from him, unless he goes by my work after his class, which effectively isn't likely to happen. Normally I'd be like 'yea for extra shift', but why tonight, on the one night I see ghost and get help? Bleh, makes me sad work is treating me like poo lately with shifts. I don't want to talk about it.

I basically got current on my site and nearly up to date with Epic Fail. There are two netbooks here in the cafeteria today. I'm guessing they are new as the people were super excited about them (showing them to others). They are getting super popular. I got to watch the new Dollhouse show. Win. I like the Sierra character too. Dichen Lachman who plays Sierra is teh hawt. That's my day so far. Input stuff took 'till 10:30, then the show, so here we are at around 12:15 I guess.

Guess that's all for now. K thx bye.

Time passes

At the different mini work now. This office smells like funky wet shampooed old dog. I guess the locker room light needs a special janitor key, so they have no lights. (I found this later.)

I gave out the last Valentine's packet earlier. I don't know if I gave it to the person I was thinking of though. I don't think I mentioned this, but two or three weeks ago I saw a cutie who asked me to save a someone (one of those petitioners who are on campus sometimes). I listened for a bit, but I was like, 'Sorry, I have no money. ' A bit later I was walking in to the library thinking how super cute and attractive she was while peeking out the window at her. I almost bumped into someone while doing that, hehe. I was in the middle of a something but I thought to myself, "If she's still there when I'm done I'll go share teh lolz with her and flirt. " I finished pretty quick after that, but she was gone. Today another person from that group tried to talk to me and I was like, "Sorry, I have no money. A cute girl talked to me about this two or three weeks ago..." And he was like, "Ooooh. " with a look that seemed to indicate he knew who I was talking about, "Thanks for stopping then. My name is Kevin and the cute girl is down over there and around the corner *point*" So I went and gave her the last of the Valentines. She looked... different though than I remembered. I know it was the same organization and it was like three weeks ago, possibly more, so my memory may be off or something, but I wasn't sure if it was the same cutie. I trusted Kevin and gave her the Valentine's pack. I didn't really have time to chat or watch her reaction though, as I was on my way to meet the ghost, who was coming down early for an appointment. When I passed by the area again half an hour later she was gone. So, same girl, different girl, I don't know for sure, but the events of the day played out that I would give that girl the last Valentine.

But yeah, I got a quick visit with the ghost and he helped me with some monies. No dinner though. I'd been looking forward to dinner all week and needing to work causing me to miss it makes me mad and sad. Normally it would be like, 'yea for extra shift.' But it's not extra, it's what I should have had for this two week period (according to the new one shift a week schedule.)

It's pretty rainy out there still. At one point early this morning it was raining even harder than before. I've got a bad headache, but now that I've taken pills and eaten hopefully that will go away.

Guess that's it for tonight / this week. K thx bye.

Day 232 - 2/18 - Catching up on TV, nearly poisioned

Late lunch at 2:00. I decided to wait until after the crowd left before trying to eat. It's later than I expected to wait for, but it's where things landed. I started my day posting Epic Fail, then watched the first show of the new season of Survivor, 24, and what I think is the start of the new season of the Unit. I checked boards and people are still quiet from the weekend. No jobs, but there were more postings than I expected, so that's positive I suppose. After lunch I'll watch the Office, Fringe, Supernatural, Clone Wars, and Bones if it's new. It seems Hell's Kitchen did not air, which is odd, and I'm still pretty sure Burn Notice, Psych, and Monk didn't have new episodes either.

That's really my day. I suppose in a way Wednesdays are kind of my weekend. It's the day I've caught up on stuff I need access for (posting site updates, Epic Fail, and any school work I have) and it's a good pause point to rest and recover. At least for now, who knows where my days will go in the future.

It's been sunny so far today. For the first time in a week there wasn't a cloud in the sky when I got up this morning. It is a light gray out now, but I don't think the rain will be back.

I'm still a bit congested from my cold, still a bit sad from the work shift weirdness, and as always sad about my life in general; but I suppose I'm getting a little better on those as time moves forward. I may get a special something for/with dinner to help cheer me up. I haven't really decided yet.

Time... I guess I just need time for things to change. But do I have it?

Time passes

Oh that's odd. I've seen some ugly Yaris now and then and I just verified it online - I only think the "lift back" version is cute. The "sedan" type is icky looking.

Time passes

It's a good thing I watch food preparers like a hawk. I decided to get a hamburger and I say to the guy, "Hamburger." And he replies, "What kind of hamburger?" And I'm thinking, 'Wtf? There is the kind with meat and there is the kind with no meat called a "veggie burger" which they don't serve here. So I say, "Whuuuuut do ya mean?" And he says, "Hamburger? Cheeseburger?... ?" Maybe it's just me, but those are two different things. So after I again say hamburger he asks, "With everything?" And I reply, "No, just lettuce and tomato." As he goes to get a bun that's been sitting in the warmer for way too many hours I ask, "Can I get a fresh bun?" He says sure and goes to get one, which apparently takes so much brain power he forgot I asked for it plain and he's put ketchup on the bun before I realize what he's forgotten. I remind him I wanted it plain and I add, "I'm allergic." A bit of an exaggeration, but the end result of me being sick and my dinner and everything else coming back out of me would be the same. This guy thinks it's then ok to wipe off the bun and just re-use it. So I say, "Um. I'm gonna need a new bun. That's why I said plain and that I'm allergic." He then wipes what's left of the ketchup that was on the knife he scraped it off with onto his smock thing, then sets the knife down on the counter, leaving a smudge on his smock. He manages to not get any on the new bun, but I later notice he's also wiped the tongs on that same area, not to mention a few dots on his cooking gloves (blue surgical rubber things). It's a miracle my burger and bun got out of there clean in one try.

Maybe it's just me, but it seems that if you say, "I'm allergic" to food preparers they boggle for a moment and then get that "allergic = pain, suffering, and possible death = I should be super careful preparing this person's food." Apparently this guy missed that.

Restaurants are ok though. It's just sandwich places and fast food places that are risky. But if you peeps have sensitive tummies and such, be super careful out there.

That's all that's new to say really. No new jobs posted to apply to. Nothing interesting other than that to say. A few hours left here, but I doubt anything interesting will happen. Night.

Day 233 - 2/19 - Clean feets

Lunch time and my day has just started. I drove in around 7:45. There were some gardeners at the church when I left, but I'm sure they didn't see me sleeping even though I was only about 25 feet away. I fell asleep after getting here and didn't wake up until 10. I meandered over to take a shower and meandered back. For the first time in a long while I have clean feets. It seems that they only clean the shower floor once a quarter , but at the different mini work I found some sandals in the lost and found pile, so I took them. (Why the lost and found cloths weren't all taken to a donation place instead of just piling them up in the hall is beyond me.)

It was around 11:15 by the time I'd meandered back to the car, put things away, and got all packed up for the day, so I decided to come straight to lunch. I waited a few minutes at the group looking around until a few turned their attention to me and I said to their group alpha person, "I approach you, as the leader of your group..." He quirked an eyebrow. I held up the binder. "Between 7 and 9 PM last night someone left this at your tables." He takes the binder and he and his girls face start to show that they recognize it. I continued, "I'm fairly sure it's one of your people's." They realize who's it is and are like 'oh' 'oh' 'yeah' 'um' and ask the others where that person is. He wasn't there, but he would apparently be there at any time. So, in time the cards will make their way back to their happy home.

That's really my day so far. Just that. I must have slept about 11 hours or more total. I'm still a bit congested, but getting better. No jacket at the moment, it's super sunny and actually a touch towards warm. I figure I'll get my jacket(s) at around 5 when I go back to the car to pick out what I want for dinner.

Guess that's it for now. K thx bye.

Time passes

Brrrrr. Snack time at 5:30 and it's getting chilly. Good thing I'm on my way out to pack dinner and get my jacket.

Someone has been giving me a lot of crap about my tips page for Death Knight today, so I decided to get some chicken shapes to cheer myself up a bit. The serving guy asked, "Is that it for you?" as he put the nuggets into the little container. I replied, "Yeeeaaah *sigh* I'm super poor and shouldn't even get this." He put in some extra and a few spicy curly fries got mixed in there as well; yea for extra.

That guy that was giving me crap put me in a bad/sad mood I guess. The guy is saying I made bad choices / tips and I'm like, 'You can't talk crap if you don't state why you disagree. I don't agree with all the mainstream tips and I state why at my site. If you read it and want to say why you disagree we can debate specific reasoning, but if not shut up because I won't take that.' This guy has been on the board I'm a mod at for years (like 3 now). He always poops on stuff and talks poop without saying why or explaining his position. I think I've even mentioned him to you peeps when he did this before. You can't disagree with someone, particularly if you do it in a mean way, even more so with something that has a decent amount of personal play style/choice involved, and not say why you disagree. If it were up to me I'd have banned this guy long ago. I don't like people who are constantly negative about everything who have no logic or explanations of why behind their disagreement.

Aaannnyyyways... Try to put that past me and move on. Hope everyone else is having an ok day. Maybe I'll have something actually interesting to report later.

Time passes

How odd. We are nearing 8, dinner time, and the binder was still at their table though the peeps are all gone. I guess I'll try and get it back to its happy home again tomorrow.

I spent a bit more time looking over Death Knight tips. I did find something I hadn't seen before, so that's good. I also found a post referencing that more glyphs are going to be added (implied for all classes). Of course, if you don't play WoW you don't know why that's cool.

When I was getting dinner someone asked where something was on campus. I had a feeling it was near the cafeteria, which was near where I was going, so I escorted the nice lady in and her event was indeed where I thought it may be.

I are such a nice rabb1t lately.

Put out an application for one part time position, but it isn't likely one I'll get. It's something more than no applications I guess.

Guess that will probably be it for tonight; Night peeps.

Day 234 - 2/20 - Survivor: Exile Island

Not much to say yet today really. It's nearing 1, lunch time. None of the regular crew is here today to give the binder to. I guess I'll be holding it over the weekend for safe keeping.

I should have been studying for my test, but I haven't. It's been too tough to get into the mood lately. Though, it is continuing to warm back up again. I'll have to try to do a cram session tonight and tomorrow morning. I don't think it will help at all as it's an essay test on concepts that just aren't sticking to my brain.

Not much going on with my boards. I posted against someone getting a gaming laptop. They aren't a good idea for serious gaming because they are way too expensive and can't be upgraded. I tried to steer them towards a netbook for on the go and a desktop for gaming. Something like the netbooks I'm looking at are fine for not so serious gaming, but I just don't think a gaming laptop is a good deal unless you have money to replace it in like two years or if you are completely and totally unable to use a regular desktop system.

I'm feeling a lot like I'm on Exile Island today; minimal food, minimal comforts, separated from everyone else, unable to group up to get ready for challenges or form alliances, yet surrounded sometimes by beauty. I just have to keep surviving until I am 'the sole survivor' and get my million dollars.

Day 235 - 2/21 - The rain returns

Seems like a busy and crazy day. Let's see... my test went ok I think. It certainly felt much easier than I'd anticipated as I was allowed to pick five of six questions, so I avoided the one I didn't feel confident about. After that I went to the library where I checked boards, watched my shows, and did a quick job check. I hooked up with the ghost and his wife after. I haven't seen her in forever. They've been together forever now. They took me to dinner and we had lots of lolz. After they took me to get some foods and gave me some money help. Zomg so much helping. And now here we are at about 7:30 and the rain has come back and it's pouring. Shame, since it seemed like it may start getting warmer there for a bit. They also bought me a neck travel pillow, one of those ones that are shaped like a horseshoe. Never slept on one of those, I may sleep on it sideways, hehe. At least, in theory, I shouldn't have to be flat on my towel where it feels like someone is punching my face.

An eventful day I suppose all in all, but one more about morale and physical survival than anything else. But, that's likely all that I'll have to say today. It's later in my evening with only a few hours 'till 'bed', so I'll just say night and hope peeps are enjoying their nights with friends, loved ones, games, movies and whatnot.

Day 236 - 2/22 - Feels like a real Sunday

Today is kind of strange. I was woken up around 6:30 by the whooshing of a few cars. Not whooshing by speed, but due to the rain on the pavement, as it was raining and windy all night. I waited a minute then put on my contacts and rapidly snuck out. One person saw me leaving, but they won't think much of it for long, if at all. There were eight cars in my back area but none were close enough to have seen me sleeping as they got out. It seemed like there was a church function in the lower section, a section from which you can't see out into the parking lot once you are down there.

But what is really strange is that now, after waking again at the school, I feel like it is a regular Sunday. I feel like I did good on my test, so I've no school worries. I feel as if work is what it is and that's not going to change soon, so no point worrying about that. It's raining, so I won't be going anywhere, and I should hurry hurry to "get out of bed" so I can take a quick shower (steamy to decongest my lungs) then hop on the boards really quick before going into my game to hook up with some peeps for a raid.

I really don't know why I feel like this. I certainly can't do any of that. I'm at school and can shower, but it may or may not get steamy enough. I certainly can't game at all because I've nowhere to do it and have no portable of any kind. As always all I have today is two hours at the slow public library, and since I didn't do it yesterday, laundry. The rest of my day will be sitting in, or avoiding sitting in, the rain.

It's so sad when I feel like this. I have no idea when I'll be back in a home or able to game at all. I could still be months from my being able to.

Well, I guess I'll go shower. It's 9:45, later than I normally shower on Sundays, but it's not like I need to hurry for any reason. The library doesn't open for more than 2 hours, and even still, I've no reason to rush right over and use my time immediately.

Time passes

Having some foods at nearly 2:30. Gonna kill a few hours then go do laundry. There wasn't much going on with the boards, so I did a price update for my system builds, which it needed. Can't input those until Tomorrow though.

Oh, I did find this large foam liner thing in a box to go out to the trash at mini work the other night. I grabbed it to use as a car liner. Maybe I'll cut that up later. Hopefully that will help a bit with the hole issue, although it seems ok with the little mat over it. I would feel much safer though with 2-3 layers of 1/8" foam down there.

That's really it so far. K thx bye.

Day 237 - 2/23 - The binder won't go home

Lunch time at about 12:30. Hopefully the binder will make it back to its home. I again gave it to the group alpha, it bounced through a few people, a shorter blond girl sorted some cards then removed about 1/3 of them from the binder and it is currently sitting on a table.

Stargate Atlantis season 5, the one that started right when I went homeless, has 10 episodes up on Hulu now. Woot for getting caught up there. That will probably take all week to get current, heh.

This is the last week I'm with the kids, so I've got that in a little bit. Theoretically my 'extra' shifts start next week. I haven't gotten a 100% solid confirmation on the days / hours / location yet. I figure I'll worry about that on like Wednesday.

Um... that's really it. I've got a test tonight; have to make my unlimited number of 3x5s for that later.

Um... guess that's it for now. Still raining a lot but population seems lower than normal. Lots of people probably just stayed home.

Time passes

Couple of minutes until class. Not much new really. I spent my time with the kids. They were doing percents. They got some new ones and I was trying to help by saying, 'well, you can get this by adding these two' or 'if you know this one then you can get this other one like this.' But one of the kids didn't get it at all and I'm like, 'you can get this by doing that one and then making it half or dividing it by two' and she's like 'but that's a percent!' And I was all, 'um... yeah. I don't know how else to explain it. '

The class here before us in this room did some art stuff and they are cleaning it up. A few are taking pictures of the art. Um... you can't take one thing (I think most of these pieces would be classified as mixed media - stuff glued to other stuff or with paint squashed on) and then filter it through a different media (pictures). That doesn't work.

That's probably it for my day. Class usually ends with just enough time for dinner and one last check of the boards.

The binder was still there on the table when I had my snack at 5. I think I may have to just let it go. I've tried to send it back home twice now, and if it's owner hasn't come back for it... well... I'll just let it be and maybe it will find it's way back home from here.

Day 238 - 2/24 - Letting it go

Lunch time at 12:45. I no longer know the fate of the binder. It was still on the group's table last night at 9, but now it's gone. I just have to let it go and hope it made it home ok. I always wonder about things like that. I hope my recommendations to peeps are ok and they are happy. I just have to assume people not replying after asking for / receiving my help are ok. It likely comes from my own lack of a true childhood and wanting to protect and ensure as many people are happy as I can.

Lots of excitement around WoW today. I guess they are nearly ready to drop a big patch that does lots of changes. I wish I could be there with everyone and join the tournament. That would be something fun to try. Plus, there is the totally cutest pet if you do. I don't know how far you have to get to buy the pet, but I totally want one, hehe. It seems there may be a sad bit of news though. Some of the regular morning guys in the little library room got some laptops so I asked if there was enough bandwith to play here on campus. One said WoW is totally blocked, you can't play at all. That would explain why I haven't seen anyone playing. (I've seen no online games being played at all, which I did think seemed unusual.) I looked into wireless broadband a few days ago and everything I've found so far says you need to get a 2 year contract at $60 a month, which just seems ridiculous. Where is the medium level bandwidth for travelers? Say something like $40 a month on a 4 month contract?

One thing at a time I suppose. I don't have the like $50 saved for classes and parking next semester (which I can sign up for in like two weeks) let alone the $400 for even a non-gaming netbook. I did, however, start to try and struggle to save at least a little something, so there is $10 in savings so far that I can hopefully hold for school.

Not much else to say really. I put out one application for a mostly full time job that I'm totally qualified for, but that was about it today so far save for a minor site update and watching some shows. No word from the ghost yet, but I expect we'll hook up around 5 for dinner like we have been doing.

It was slightly warmer last night despite it being sprinkly all day. I had no socks on while I was sleepin' .

I'm still just living day to day. I can't make any real plans. With my life crumbled around me I am beginning to wonder; did I ever really make plans or has my life always been as it is now, nothing more than hopes and wishes which sometimes came true but mostly did not.

Time passes

Back from dinner with the ghost, sooooo full now. We talked some gaming stuffs and had some lolz. I helped him with some upgrade choices yesterday and today and he's like all anxious to go to the local store to pick up a graphics card. hehe. I'm like, 'be super careful to only get Evga, BFG, or XFX, as they are pretty much the only ones with lifetime coverage.'

I had a good time with the kids today. They were all like 'yeeeaaa' when they heard 'mister Eric' was going to read the answers to check their homework. hehe. The more I'm with them the more I think I'd have more 'fun' being a teacher at the 7th / 8th grade level than I would at high school. No offense to high schoolers out there, now or in the future, but I think I could be... sillier... and have more flexibility in how I teach than at the high school level. Like on the first day I could maybe dress up like a pirate, and then I could discuss the first day of school being uncomfortable, and how you don't have to be overtly out of place to everyone in order to feel uncomfortable. I think there should be a certain level of theatrics with teaching; get the brain going, get the creative side interested, get people involved and engaged, don't just sit there and spew numbers or data that they will simply regurgitate later. I just don't think I could do something silly like that at the high school level. I think they 'expect' teachers to be a certain way and if you don't fit within what they expect you'd never be able to get them to give you enough respect / authority to be able to teach them properly. I don't know, it's tough to describe, but I think since Fate has brought me here, I wonder if maybe it is to make a decision to teach at that level. I suppose it makes a certain kind of sense, since with my mom's death at 13 I really kind of had my life crash and stop at that point. I had to go from there to instantly grown up and on my own. I never had a fair chance at really being a kid. Maybe being in a job where I can return to that point and continue forward could be a good thing.

Well... my night is nearly over. I'm just typing this last bit of the day in without writing it down first *gasp*, but I wanted to get it out and on teh Intarwebs for everyone. Likely nothing else interesting will happen tonight besides my going to update the .pdf files later. I figure I'll do that every couple of weeks so they don't get too far behind.

Guess that's it. K thx bye.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008, 2009
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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