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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Day 323 - 5/20 - An offer at long last

It's 11:45, time for lunch nom. I helped a few peeps with build advice and watched what I think was the very last season ender. I've got two movies this weekend to watch. I've set up a ticket for Terminator Salvation on Thursday night, that way I won't see any spoilers online. I don't expect much as I'm pretty sure it is following the movie line, not the TV series, but it's in the future, so that should be cool. On probably Sunday night I'll see Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. I had hoped to see it in IMAX, but there don't appear to be any local showings.

I totally bombed the one test I took that was data heavy. Not really surprising since I'm not good with data heavy tests and the poo with the car ruined any possibility of studying. I should be ok overall though. There are still one or two more tests and at least one paper.

Here we are at another new week of fail with more new bla bla. However, I have a feeling the bla bla will be more of the same bla bla as weeks before. Hopefully we'll see the resolution of the car poo this week. It's nearly a week since the adjustor's first call, which seems just absurd to me. The repair shop guy seemed confident that things will be fine and said this happens more often than not, so I guess he would know. You'd think though since this is costing them ~$85 a day they would want to hurry up and make me happy and get this settled.

Not really sure what else to say. I had some pretty crazy dreams last night, but I don't remember them now. I've gotten used to the rental, so I'm sleeping ok again. I'm still sleeping a lot, around 10 hours a night, but that's not surprising what with my constant depression, constant stress, and limits on what I can do when I actually do get up.

Guess that's it for now. Hope everyone else's week is going ok.

Time passes

It's nearing 1 and I'm waiting for the adjustor guy to call me back. I guess I missed a call at 12:25, so I called that number back at 12:30. I couldn't hear him at all and he said he'd call back in 15 minutes when he wasn't on his cell. If he makes an offer of $2k or more and I can get to keep the car we are good to go. An offer of $1500-1850 might be considered, I could spend tire money getting things back in place, which isn't really ok, but doable. An offer of $1k or less would be laughable, as towing and storage alone is around $800 as of today. Guess I'll wait a few more minutes then call back again. This guy is wasting my day. I don't have much else to do, but even if I chose to nap in the sun that would be my choice. I shouldn't have to be waiting for these guys to call all the time.


Called him back. Grrr. Not really happy here. They are offering just under $1k plus the towing and storage fees (and other related fees, like the rental). I guess as long as that covers the repairs we are good to go. If I'm not offered at least $2k and other fees there would be no way I could consider a new/different car.

So... now I'm again waiting for the adjustor to call with a final figure. He may be able to tweak his offer up a bit. I'm also waiting for a final solid repair estimate from the repair place guy.

It looks like things are finally in motion to get the car fixed, but it seems I'll get zero beyond what the repairs/towing/storage will cost.

Day 324 - 5/21 - Pew pew movie

It's 11:45 at aquatics mini work. I already had lunch because I was totally starving this morning. It's kind of funny - dumb class let out so late that I didn't have time to finish my daily quests before the store I play from closed. I had to carry my netbook outside and play for like 15 minutes after they closed up, hehe. I'm pretty sure the wireless is on all the time, so I just have to be close enough to the store.

No call from the adjustor yet, big surprise there. At quick calculation of my costs, if all I get is repair and storage/towing fees, all of this will have cost me about $80. That's not ok. If they don't cover it I'll have to try and get that from the people who crashed into me. I doubt they would give it to me, but if that's the only way I could get back to even then I'll have to try.

After work I'll have about a three-hour window to do whatever before going to see the pew pew movie. Should be fun.

It looks like the timing of the next batch of tickets for BlizzCon may prevent me from being able to try going. The paycheck I got today will pretty much be completely tapped by the new tires, and the next isn't for two weeks. Since tickets go on sale a week and a half from now I won't be paid again before they go on sale. What with the wobbliness of the tires I really can't hold off doing it once I get the car back. Seems very unlikely I'll be able to go and celebrate my b-day in style.

That's it so far; Nothing really to say or update you with besides that.

Day 325 - 5/22 - Dreaming

It's just past 10:45 at aquatics mini work. I remembered my dream from this morning. In the dream I was at a friend's house with my sweetie. We were a perfect match and slept together all snuggled without disturbing each other. That's actually pretty rare to find in my experience. Usually you disturb each other when you move, or can't snuggle for long with your arms or legs around one another without them becoming uncomfortable. We woke up after a bit and people were showing up for a mystery party. You know, one of those where you get a role/character and some clues and people figure out a mystery. The friend who's house it was handed out roles/characters to people one at a time. He asked if people could do a particular accent for their character, which they all could. One by one everyone had a role, even my sweetie, save for me. She asked me, "How come you don't have a role?" I replied, "I don't know." She went over to talk to the host person and came back with her character card/info and had one for me that was covered. My card had the character name, my clues, and a separate page with possible accents. The card was an Angel, a secret character the others wouldn't know (was an Angel or that it was in the game until I revealed myself.) There were dozens of accents I could use but I didn't know how to do any of them. A pretty odd dream, but I suppose it was just a modified representation of how I feel RL. It reminded me of another dream I had the other night. I was an Angel then too. I had wings and could try and fly around. I could go into houses through the windows if I tried really hard, or I could go rooftop to rooftop, or from the roof down to the ground. I couldn't fly free though, and if I wanted to travel I had to walk or I could fly at standing height if I sort of tuck my legs up. In my travels I resurrected a child for a family and they were so grateful they invited me into their family. I replied that I was the grateful one because I couldn't have children or a family of my own. I visited the family later in time when those parents were nearly great grandparents and their family had grown huge. Again, likely just odd thoughts about currently being single and having no home or family.

Terminator Salvation was ok. As I expected it was a direct continuation of the movie line. I like the TV series better. I picked up a ticket for Night at the Museum 2 for Sunday at 7 while I was there.

So that's it so far. Crazy rabb1t brain dreams for joo and that's all. I can't believe how long it takes this arbitrator guy to do anything. Since his first call it's now been eight days and we are still fiddling with figures. Had he listened to what I said over a week ago we could have settled way back then, saving the insurance company roughly $600 (for the rental and storage fees). I don't know if this is normal, but if I were his boss I'd be like 'what the poop is taking you so long.'

Anyways, that's all for today so far.

Time passes

It's nearing 12:30 and I got an update from the repair place. It seems the repair shop guy talked to the arbitrator and got a new figure to work with. He's going to double check with his peeps about what exactly my repairs will cost and see if it's enough. It should be. If not there really isn't anything I can do about it. Even with the money I would otherwise spend on tires, adding the base money being offered, I wouldn't have enough to really look at a new used car. And even if I got one who's to say there wouldn't be something terribly wrong with it. At least with my car I know it needs a clutch rebuild eventually, an oil change, a few fluid changes, and new tires. A lot of stuff to be sure, but stuff that hopefully can slowly be worked on over the next few months so the costs are spread out. With getting a replacement used car I'd realistically need around $2-2,500 to even consider it as there is not only the base cost, but other fees, like title transfer, possibly smog check, and stuff like that. The repair shop guy was really disappointed for me and said he normally doesn't do repairs like this; I'd guess due to the fact that the repairs are pretty much more than the value of the car, but he knows that I can't afford a replacement car. It should be fine and hopefully I'll break even, which I guess is ok. But still, if that's the case I'd rather have had it not happen at all.

I did a bill check too. In order to have pretty minimal food and gas and cover tires I have to ignore the phone and car insurance payment this pay period. That should probably be ok, but it's not good because those are already due. But it is the only way I could cover tires this pay period. Not only am I short on bills, but the two movies are it for my fun spending. It looks like I'll have no money to consider visiting the game center.

Time passes

It's nearing 5:45 at gym mini work and things are finally resolved; repairs are paid for, storage/towing is paid for, and we should be balanced back to zero when all is said and done. The repair estimate is that the car will be complete on Thursday or Friday, so it will still be a while until things are back in place where they should be.

I may or may not try for a BlizzCon ticket. It will depend when exactly repairs are going to be complete. One week on bad tires would be ok. It will be up to Fate on when that is done and if I can catch a ticket or not.

Dinner and movies time. I'm giving the kiosk a few more chances because I can't afford a monthly subscription yet.

K thx bye.

Day 326 - 5/23 - Why am I paying for this?

It's just about 11 and I'm having lunch nom at the laundromat. Today is sadder than most, even for me, as I had to drop $182 for a release on my car. It was my understanding that all of these things would be paid for by the insurance of the person who crashed into me, so I'll be reeeaaallly upset if it isn't. This cuts my funds in half and makes it impossible to get tires until two weeks from now, pushing back all plans that follow (contacts, cloths, etc.)

Things are also sad because it looks like the laundromat cut off their cable, likely due to the conversion to digital, so there is barely anything to watch.

The movies surprised me last night. There were no major stopping points and only one had any noticeable glitches. That is hopeful for Sunday as I'll get at least one movie for that shift (provided I don't forget.)

That's all so far. The rest of my day will likely just be hanging out online. I should work on an assignment I need to do, but I'm miffed about that huge cash drain, so I likely won't be in a studying mood until tomorrow at the soonest.

Time passes

I decided to go to the game center because I was so sad about having to spend half of everything I had. It is really the only way I know for sure I'd be distracted enough that maybe I wouldn't be sad for a bit. It worked ok and I learned something about gem crafting that I didn't know, and got some pretty awesome pants loot. I also heard an ad for Drag Me To Hell, which I'd totally forgotten to keep track of. Seems that it and Up come out next weekend, so I've got two movies to watch next weekend.

It's odd that I've been forgetting that I need to work Monday. I've been wondering what I should do all day, tentatively planning to go to the game center, but just now I'm like, 'zomg I've been forgetting that I have to work in the morning.' So, I'll likely just wind up gaming and cruising boards from Starbucks.

I had a good time today, but as usual I'd have much rather hung out with RL friends, played some console games with them, shared some lolz, done a BBQ, and watched a movie or two.

I met someone online who apparently is working about 70 hours a week. How crazy is that?! It's like the total opposite of my life. I suppose I'd happily do that for three to six months, but I think more and I would get seriously imbalanced. But wow, that's some crazy monies.

Guess that's all for today. It's about 10 PM, so it's time to go off and see if I can get into the sleeping spot. 'Night peeps, hope you all had/have a good/happy weekend.

From a journal of Nightmares,

I could hear the wooden floor creak beneath its steps; Its long nails scraping as it walked or it was clawing the walls as it moved, I couldn't tell. I strained to hear more, yet I did not want to hear more. I pull the covers closer, over my mouth and nose, so only my eyes and ears peek out. My heart races, beating so fiercely I can feel my blood throbbing in my neck, through my hands, pushing my chest with each beat. Shadows pass across my wall, growing, shifting, shrinking, taking the form... of nothing I recognize. I throw the covers over my head. Perhaps if I can't see it, it can't see me or find me. Breathing... or is it my breathing? Creaks, the floor creaking, I put my head deeper into the pillow and the bed - now I can hear the echo of the footfalls in the space below the house. But I can't tell; is the nightmare coming or going? In bed I don't know what the horror is; is it coming or going? I can't tell.

Day 327 - 5/24 - Into the black

Here I am at the extra mini work gym shift. It's 15 minutes after I've opened and there are zero people here; A nice break for sure, but odd.

This morning I was going to take a shower at school, but I didn't. For some reason yesterday and today the lights were all off and they had no power. School is "closed" for the weekend, so maybe that's why. Though they have had their regular Saturday and Sunday sport/other activities, so they don't really seem closed. Yesterday one or two lights were barely on; bright enough my excellent night vision could see, but today it was pitch black.

I had a lot of fun last night in the groups I did. I'm totally looking forward to being back in a house on my own system where everything is set up how I like. Having an unfamiliar keyboard, mouse, and monitor, makes playing weird. It slows down my reaction times. Not enough many would notice, but I notice.

Well, lunch is ready. Though I don't think there is a spoon here to eat with. Guess I should look around for one and eat.

K thx bye.

Time passes

It's just after 9:30 and my day is over. As usual these days as the night came I rapidly become overwhelmed with sadness and loneliness. I had an awesome day of doing a mini work shift, watching a movie, playing a bit, watching another movie... but as I left the theater, and even during the movie, I was sad. Sad that I have noone to share my lolz with, noone to share my life with, and that my life has come to this. It has come to the point that I must do things alone, not at all, or wait an indefinite period of time if I want to share the experience.

Normally at this time I would still have a few hours to spend awake, but now I hide here in the sleeping area hoping noone sees me. I don't have the luxury of choosing between watching TV, checking boards, doing homework, or playing my game. I can't do any of that. My only real option is to sit here; my normal sleeping spot blocked by a camper, so I'm somewhere else in the lot. I wait, hiding from the view of passing cars. It feels like I'm in a hotel. I'm warm, relatively safe, but somewhere unfamiliar. The whoosh of the cars passing by my window only a short distance away while I sit wondering if any of the other guests will come by and disturb me. Recently there has been a van in the lot. It's a homeless person, one I saw last Summer I think. The windows in back are blacked out by curtains and one night I saw them pull in and noone got out of the car. Tonight there is a camper in the exact spot I stay in. I can't get too close, as I have no clue if anyone would see me from the windows.

I'm sure I'll be fine. I've been here the better part of 10 months now, so I doubt I'll suddenly be discovered and undone.

But, as always, I'm sad my routine is disrupted and that I actually have a homeless routine to be disrupted. Now all my memories of an actual life are distant memories. Memories of something which happened only a year ago seem as faded as those from 10 years ago. What was once the sounds of my roomies doing things in the other rooms has been replaced with the sounds of whooshing cars, sirens in the distance, and the occasional night creature. What was once plans and dreams about what my next cool Blu-ray, game purchase, or hardware upgrade would be has been replaced with wondering if I'll be able to afford more than two cans of soup and a few sodas for all my food for a day.

Sometimes I talk with people about things, sometimes I just overhear their lives being talked about, and lately I just can't imagine what a regular life is like anymore. I see the pictures in movies and shows I watch - a happy couple coming together, starting life, a family, friends, adventure - but my life has none of those. I have my car. I have a few small meals a day. Most nights I sleep ok, covered by a few blankets, sheltered by a soft-top roof on the car. Whenever I say I'm homeless people are surprised and shocked, they can't imagine it. But now, I can't imagine the things I should have. I should have a job that I'm both happy with but also pays my bills. I should have an apartment or home to come back to when work or school is over. I should have a car free from mechanical problems. I should have a sweetie who I love and who loves me, maybe even children with her. I should have at least a few friends who I get along and have fun with. But now... after so long... after each of those memories has become so faded... I can only try to imagine what a life with all those things, a regular everyday life, would be like. I can no longer truly conceive of such a world where I have all of those things. Such a possibility seems as faded and as much imagination as any of my other memories of when I had a real life.

Day 328 - 5/25 - Memorial Day

It's just after 12:15 at aquatics mini work. I still don't know what I'll do today. I most likely will wind up at the game center because most places are closed and it has a micro, so I can do dinner for teh cheap. Monies are hard to predict since I don't know if I'll get that $182 back (or the other ~$60 I've lost due to rental car tax, the taxi, the bus passes, phone bill, etc.) If I get back at least that $182 I'll just about balance to zero before my next paycheck after getting new tires. (As well as having x for food, x for gas, the two movies next weekend, and one laundry.) If I don't get it back tires will have to wait until I'm paid again two Thursdays from now and I'll have about $60 leeway before that point.

Not sure what else to say. There are lots of happy people doing BBQ/party things. It's good to see peeps having fun, but as always it makes me a bit sad. I'll probably wind up doing part of an assignment I need to do after work, maybe check school and take my flashlight to see if I can catch a quick shower, then probably spend about 3 hours at the game center. Before 7 it's for teh cheap, so I could probably squeeze in that small amount into my budget. While only a few months ago I would spend hours upon hours staring into space, these days I think I would get too sad with that much time to do nothing. Holidays, even not as celebrated ones such as this, are tough to keep the sad feelings away if I'm out in public. At the game center things are a bit easier to manage, as I'm online in a fairly unchanging environment.

There likely won't be any news on the car due to the Holiday.

Guess I'll scoot and try and work on my assignment a bit before work is over. K thx bye.

Time passes

It's nearing 10:15 and my night is over. I'm still really down about the whole getting crashed into poop. My life is difficult enough to manage these days and stay emotionally balanced without extra poop.

I'm in my regular sleeping spot, so that's happy. I did indeed go to the game center for a few hours. I got a decent hat loot and had some fun, but all my sads stayed with me today. I would have been much better (emotionally) if I could have been in a home and worked on my school stuff like I wanted. I did get to do some research after gaming though. But I fear my grade may be affected by being restricted to only a few hours and no access to print materials in the libraries. I could probably plead a case based on my homelessness and restricted resources, but there are others in just as bad or worse positions, so I don't think that's really fair.

I am becoming concerned though, as my sad lately doesn't seem to ever really go away anymore. It is becoming tougher and tougher to 'cheer up', so I'm back to a 'normal' level of mood. I'm hoping that this is just the result of the recent car trouble and the realization I just don't have the money to make the window for BlizzCon (meaning yet another sad and lonely birthday in my future - on an important year no less.) But I worry... what if it's not? What if it's a deeper issue like worry about my debts and lack of job prospects, things that I have no control over that may not change for possibly years to come. While I certainly have a lot more than many with my stuff in storage, a mostly functional car to drive and house me, a job which is nearly 20 hours a week, I am still a far cry from even the basics of a full life, and further still from where the average person "my age" is.

Every day that passes I seemingly get exponentially further and further from having a sweetie, a family of my own, friends, a home, and a basic level of what I enjoy for entertainment.

Day 329 - 5/26 - Short class

Tonight is a short class. The professor has to leave early. It's about 4:45 now, so I have about 20 minutes until I should scoot off to class; after I'll likely just play my game for a bit on my netbook. I've had a pretty bad headache and been super hungry most of the day. Not really sure why on either. I'm eating a super early dinner now. Maybe it's just that I'm hungry and that's causing a headache.

No news on the car, so nothing really new to talk about. Guess it's a short ending to what seemed like a very long week.

Day 330 - 5/27 - lol sneak

It's just about noon, time for lunch nom. There is another soccer game going, so it's super loud and super crowded.

Yesterday I spent some time tweaking a spec for my Death Knight. I had another tweak I wanted to try this morning so I needed to update my site with that info and go online in the game to change it. Since I'm on campus all day today and didn't want to go off campus I decided to see if I could connect to the game and update my site in a sneaky way. I went to the media lab, popped the landline out of the back of the system, popped it in to my netbook, turned off the wireless so it would check for the landline, and lol it worked. I connected to update my site and could play WoW. Instead of my normal 1000-4000 ping I was seeing 14-50. Due to the low power of my netbook I was still gimped in FPS, but I snuck in to the auction house to get something I needed and did my daily gemcrafting quest, laaawwwlll. (You aren't supposed to play games at all anywhere on campus.)

I got a something in my email yesterday that made me super smiley for a bit. It said that I had an e-card from a secret admirer. I said, 'I can has secret admirer?!' I clicked the link and read the card. It read like it was from a cutie here on campus, referencing she was too shy to approach me RL, but that she had some pics and stuff at another site so I would know who she was. I was excited, happy, flattered, and eager to see if she was someone who I'd be interested in and if there might be a happily ever after. But then she already said she had a crush on me, so what's not to like? Sadly though the link went to a site that immediately redirected me to a different site which wanted me to sign up and give a credit card for validation. Sadly this seems to have just been a well crafted fake that used my real name and generic information enough to sound genuine. I'm actually surprised this hasn't happened more often. There is enough me on teh Intarwebs to be 'dangerous', and with any level of fame you have those who both love you and those who hate you. I still hold hope there is a sweetie out there for me, maybe even one who is romantic and would give me real notes like that. I guess, for now, I just have to keep waiting until we find each other.

I seem to have forgotten my phone this morning, so I don't know if there is a car update yet. I expect there won't be until like Thursday. I figure I'll go get it shortly after lunch. I have to go back to the car and pick up dinner anyways.

That's all I can think of for now. K thx bye.

Time passes

It's just after 4:30. There is a bit of an update on the car/monies. I got a call this morning from the rental car place saying the rental ran out today and they needed an update. Apparently they weren't updated when it went in for repairs like a week ago, lame. I talked for the guy a bit about that and discovered that the tax charge is now taken care of. So that's at least some movement forward. I will no longer owe $2.50 a day. I'm still out the $182 for the release, the $15 for the taxi, the $10 for bus fare, and the like probably +$20 on my cell phone overages. I don't know if I'll get any of that back. I'll call the arbitrator guy tomorrow from work for teh free and see what he's going to do about that $182. While the other ones are small enough to not be too terrible of a loss if I can't recover that monies, the $182 is fairly devastating.

I've decided on my times for my movies. I'll have to pick up the tickets later tonight after class or tomorrow. I'm going to see one of them early Saturday afternoon, that way I can game in the evening if I want, and the other Sunday evening. Both should be super fun.

I'm really super hungry again today. I don't know why. There was a huge smell of BBQ this afternoon when I came out for lunch, so tummy wants a hamburger tonight. I don't have a lot of flexibility, but I have enough for that. Besides, tummy has been pretty upset lately with all the soups, so a solid meal would do me some good. I'll be going to eat that soon since I've got dumb class tonight that blocks out all of my normal dinner time.

I did a lot of searching for jobs earlier and actually managed to put out a couple of resumes. That's something at least since most days there is absolutely nothing to apply for and hardly any posts at all.

Guess that's all for now, possibly all for tonight. K thx bye.

Day 331 - 5/28 - Back to my car

It's 15 minutes until I need to leave campus for work. I just recently got up and got dressed. There isn't really anything I can do with that time. In a home I could easily check email, check jobs, study a tiny bit, or even jump into my game and maybe get a daily quest done. Normally I'd have several choices of things to do, but homeless the time is lost. I still lose a lot of time even with having my netbook now. A few minutes here, an hour or two there, it's so lame. Even just the short walk on to campus and unpacking my stuff would lose half the time I've got.

At least I'll have my movies this weekend. That will be fun. I still don't know if I'll get that $182 back at all, let alone if I'll get it back before the weekend in time to try for a BlizzCon ticket or to replace my tires ASAP. If there isn't a message from the arbitrator about that I'll have to call him back again. You'd think he would have returned my message from Saturday by now. I probably won't get it back is why he hasn't returned my call. I should call the repair place too if there is no message from them. The guy said it may not be done until next week, and seeing as he hasn't given me an update yet that is the more likely scenario. I'd be ok with keeping the rental longer. I don't have to pay for engine wear and tear or worry about the tires, plus it is so much warmer to sleep in. Last night the rental was fogged over, it was at least 60F, if not colder, yet I had one blanket layer less than normal and I was naked through most of the night. The hardtop and insulation make it a lot warmer than my car.

Guess that's it for now. It's nearly time to head off campus to aquatics mini work.

Time passes

The car is apparently ready. I don't know if I should be happy or sad about that. I guess I'm just sad because now I have to go back to carrying more stuff with me everywhere and because I don't know what's going on with the money. I suppose there will be an adjustment period back to normal in terms of money and getting used to it again. I'll see about dropping off the rental and getting my car after mini work.

Time passes

It's just after 9 and my night is effectively over. I left work, dropped off aaalll my stuff into the ex-garage, dropped off the rental, picked up my stuff again (I really should see if I can lighten my load) then decided to go to the game center for a little bit. I went for a few reasons. I was kind of happy to get my car back, but still sad about their owing me money and I thought it might help to bounce my mood back. Plus, since it was early on a weekday it was for teh cheap. I spent $6 for about 3.75 hours. And, I was super depressed about the BlizzCon ticket. Because of all this poo that drained my cash I'm actually only about $50 off from being able to try and get a ticket. I'll supposedly get the money back, but it will be too late to try. I'll even be getting in some extra work hours over the next few weeks, so that too is money that will come too late.

The peeps at the repair shop did a super good job fixing up the car. Unless you know where to look for the crinkles in the roof where the window attaches you'd never know it had been crashed. Also, we found the reason for the shaking/wobbling. The front left tire had a massive tear in it. I took a pic, you can see soon. There was a spot about as big as my hand, with finger spread, where it was nearly completely torn away from the rest of the tire. The repair guy said he was amazed I could go anywhere with it in that condition. They had an older tire that was meh that they put on for teh free. The crazy thing is that the night I noticed the wobbling I pulled over and inspected the tire (though it was dark I had a good flashlight) and I checked the tire pressure. They looked fine. He said what may have happened was that it started as a nail puncture and then it later caught on something and ripped through the tire.

So... the car repairing is all done. I can has car. I'd forgotten all of the creaks and squeaks the car makes. It is indeed so much colder, and hotter, than the rental. Today was in the mid 80s, but the rental was nice and cool. After I'd gotten my car back I was super hot. I couldn't block out the heat at all, and it was maybe even being amplified by the metal of the car and then dumping the heat straight into the car since there is no insulation.

I'll be going to the sleeping spot soon. It's nice to have my car back, but its squeaks and leaks seem all the more apparent. It seems odd to be sitting upright and have so much headroom. The rental was one of those 'drive like you are laying down' types where if you stretch your spine out straight you bump your head into the roof. My car has a good 6" clearance before I'd bump my head.

I'm hungry. I'm tired. I'm sad about my birthday hopes being shattered by this poop. I'm glad the majority of it is over and I can have my car back. I'm sad all of my stuff is in a car that is vulnerable again. It makes me wonder... Why don't I have what everyone else seems to have? Why does it seem only I have this crazy bad luck? Why does it seem the good things that happen to me happen so very very rarely?

Day 332 - 5/29 - Oh noes the tire

It's nearing 2 and I'm waiting for a tow. This morning I noticed a little wobbliness while driving, but now we know why. On the way back to campus from aquatics mini work I was hearing a 'kerclunk' like I hit a rock. I'd heard it three or four times and then noticed the car was wobbling pretty bad. Thankfully by then I'd gotten off the freeway and was on city streets. Sure enough one of my other tires had ripped up like the one the repair shop replaced for me. Avoiding replacing this one is no longer an option. The dumb insurance place owes me just about what replacing all four would cost, but apparently the agent is out on vacation this week, so there is no way I'd get monies sooner than like a week from now. I tried to limp back to the tire center, but it is too badly torn up. I didn't get more than one block before it was stopping me from going. The tow truck is here, gotta run.

Day 333 - 5/30 - Free popcorn

It's odd to be writing now because my day is over. It's 10:30 and I'm in the sleeping spot. I started the day by sleeping in a bit then taking a shower. I went in to the library, checked boards, did my daily quests, and found some news about a Dell Studio 14, not quite a netbook, not quite a full laptop. I could get one with a fairly weak true graphics chip, the same kind that will be in the second generation netbooks, but with a much more powerful CPU, 3 gig of ram (vs. 1), faster overall speeds, a regular speed hard drive (netbook ones run slower), and a 14" 1600x900 resolution screen for around $800. That's actually some great features for the price and it would be a much better light weight gaming near-netbook type system. Of course we are looking at months and months before I could consider such an upgrade, but if we approach the end of the year and I'm still homeless... well, the option for that upgrade path is there.

I scooted quickly off campus, dropped off a few items into storage at the ex-house, then saw Up. Zomg such a fun, but sad, movie. I actually got a free popcorn too. An entire untouched one was under the seat next to the one I sat in. It looks like they got several food items and simply forgot about the popcorn.

After the movie I went over to the game center for a bit. It has sort of become a regular thing to do one weekend day per week. Even doing that the total for the month isn't too bad, less than a (high-def) cable or Internet bill for a month in a home.

And um... now we are here. It was a nice super warm day, though it looked like rain in the morning. I had a lot of fun, was grouped when I played, and I had a lot of lolz. The movie would have been much better with a sweetie, everything would be really, but I suppose things are ok. They are what they are. My story unfolds how it unfolds. I go where Fate sends me and just hope that destination will include a sweetie, friends, and maybe eventually a family.

Day 334 - 5/31 - Driving across campus

It's just after 8:30 and there are some sporting events going on. I didn't park near the pool, as at 6 when I pulled in there were already some barriers and walking gates set up. I'm in a lot sort of behind it and I can hear announcers and music. There also appear to be a bunch of bicyclists riding around.

Welp, it seems my day will be starting over an hour early. I guess it's ok, more time to study and all. Looks like rain again.

Guess that's it for now. K thx bye.

Time passes

The bicyclists had me trapped this morning. The person at the parking lot exit was like, 'sorry, you can't leave until the race is over around noon.' I'm like uhhhh no. So, I drove through campus. Llaawwll. Noone was around, so it was fine, but it was odd to do since really only police do that.

It's nearing 1:30 and I just finished lunch. I'm sad I'm not in a home because it will be extra difficult to study today since it is warm and I'm super tired from being woken up early. In a home I'd have gotten enough rest and would easily be able to study due to the calm environment. Being out in the world I either have to be somewhere with people, which is noisy, or in my car, which really isn't good for studying. Maybe I'll go do laundry and be in a more studying mood later.

At a little before 6 I'll drop some stuff at the ex-house so I can go to Drag Me To Hell. Should be fun. I expect though there won't hardly be anyone there even though it's opening night. Not a lot of Sam Raimi fans out there I don't think. (It's more of a cult following sort of thing.)

If I were in a home I'd just play for a bit, take a quick shower, hype myself up on sugar a bit, and be good to go for studying. I can't do that though, as sugar in the warm weather would just make a tummy ache, and I don't have a good environment for studying no matter what I do. There are some ok places at the school library, but not the public one.

Guess that's all the bla bla for now.

Day 335 - 6/1 - Monday, Monday

It's 7:15 and I'm nomming dinner. It would not be inaccurate to say my day is over. I'm soooo tired. I think it is in part because I'm so sad about all my sad things lately and also in part due to my being woken up early Sunday. I had an ok day at work - saw some cuties, chatted with a few peeps. I got some notes ready for a test, which I discovered recently is a week later than I originally thought it was. After that I banged out some system recommendations for my site. No really big changes, just some minor ones. I changed it so there are six ranks now instead of five, so there are more system builds to choose from. Most notably there are now three ranks I think people will seriously look at instead of the previous two, so that gives everyone more options. More options is good. Unless you are dealing with little ones, only give them two options or their head will asplode, hehe.

It's been kind of chilly today. It still looks like rain.

Oh, I lost my morning spot. I have to pick a new one. Last weekend about 1/4 of the lot was painted over as staff spots, so the spot I previously used is now staff only. I'll have to find a different one to stay in.

Campus has seemed oddly quiet and empty today. I snuck in my daily quests already. It is so much easier to sneak them here on campus via the landline. I still need unlimited access for the weekends; otherwise I'd only have two hours on Sunday (or other days when campus is closed). I may consider dropping that in the future but even if I just use 8 hours that is less than $1 per hour for the month. Summer is coming in a few months too and there is that one-month blackout from early August to early September, so I would likely want to keep the access up until at least September.

Of course we can all hope it is a moot point by then because I'd be back in a home, but realistically I probably won't what with needing to first have the higher income level then need to save up for a few months for the deposit and such. Getting that >$2k isn't going to be easy or quick until I get a good paying job with good hours.

I kind of feel like going somewhere, but I can't. Back in the day when the ghost and I were young we'd hop in the car and just kind of go. There are a few remote hillish paths around here you can drive between freeways. We'd just drive, sometimes talk, sometimes listen to music, usually hype ourselves up on junk foods, hehe. Sometimes there would be adventures, like once we found a group of three guys going to a concert. Their car had broken down and we said, 'Meh, we got nothing else to do, we're just driving, we can take you.' So we drove almost 3 hours to get the guys to their camping/concert thing, turned around, and drove the 3 hours back. It was the wee hours of the morning by the time we got back home.

I guess I'm just rambling. I probably want to just get out of my skin and do something different because I've felt so trapped lately. I like my job; it's fun. There are cute girls sometimes, but it doesn't pay enough. (Mostly due to low hours.) I like school, classes are fun, but I can't afford books nor can I ever really study due to lack of a home and balanced environment. I can't do any new adventures because I have no sweetie or friends, like last weekend I had a sandwich, chips, and some grapes; a picnic but noone to share it with. And, two movies I saw alone.

I guess I'm just in a 'poor me' mood lately due to my sads.

Day 336 - 6/2 - Rainy morning

It rained for a bit early this morning, around 4 AM I think. It's pretty clear and sunny now, warming up a bit.

I just called the insurance place and the guy is still out on vacation. And, they are claiming they didn't get my fax, which is another $4.50 I'll have to spend sending it again.

*sigh* Sad day is saaaddd.

Time passes

It's just before class. I'm writing a something, but there is nothing to write really. I faxed the stuff to the insurance place again. They are being dumb and saying just that one guy can handle getting me my monies and he's out again. No jobs to apply to. I couldn't do my daily quests in my game yet because the server has been down. Nothing really new but it felt weird to have the day just be like three lines.

The tires have been ok so far. Tomorrow I'm not driving like hardly at all, only like 5 miles, so they should hold until Thursday afternoon when I have my appointment. Doing that will take a pretty significant amount of my monies after I'm paid, but with two blowing out recently I really can't risk not doing it. If the insurance pays me soon I'll get more and should be ok, though I doubt they will give me everything I had to spend. I guess we'll see what's what on that in a few days. I may be down to super cheap meals and like no playing or movies hardly at all during the next pay period if I don't get the insurance money soon, but things are what they are. I've had no control over my fate lately.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008, 2009
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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