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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Day 29 - 7/30 - Pawn of Fate

It's like 10:30; gonna be tough to make it through today on only $3 for food with a lunch soup and no Pepsi. Later I'll go get a lasagna bake thing to micro. I have some Pepsi cans I can maybe sell back. Those redemption places close so early though. I may be able to squeeze into getting a 2-lieter as well. Hum I wonder if that's part of why I've had headaches lately, the low caffeine level. Probably. Seems like less than 2 cans a day and I don't fare well. I'm gots zero till I buy one.

The friend that was asking WoW stuff sent me a little something. Not a lot, but enough for about 1/2 weeks groceries. Anything helps and it seems most donations have dried up. They seem to come in bursts. The only ones I've gotten lately have been 'regulars' and still not more than one a week.

Crap for job postings today, absolutely nothing. Welll... there was this one city Administration Assistant job. Not entirely out of my scope of experience, but at something like $3,700-4,700 starting pay a month I likely will not be among the top candidates (and as a city employee I don't believe that income would be taxed.) We'll see though. I put in an application, so if they reply they reply. Tried to be as fluffed on the application as I could.

I guess I'm getting better sleep. I'm dreaming fairly regularly, though they are weird dreams. I'll lose some of my time once school shuts down in late August, not to mention my main source of PC access. That will be the suck. I suppose it would be ok though if I've got a decent job by then. Maybe I can find a spot to nap after said work or in the early evenings.

Time passes

Seems there was some cheezburger unaccounted for; Negative bank account! Yikes! I had one free overdraw though, so it's ok. Normally it would just eat from my savings, but that was drained lately. Should be fine tomorrow though. I should get paid and have monies for food. Hum... here is something. If I get cheezburger, after the bank closes, and it takes them up to 3 days to charge me, there should be no risk of getting cheezburger tonight. I should check to be sure tomorrow is a pay day to be sure, but it would guarantee me a very tasty dinner with unlimited soda (all-be it my 40% Coke 60% 7-up mix.)

Job offers continue to be nonexistent. Seems this week has been pretty dry so far. Computers are super busy. They are always full today. I've gotten to do three job checks today so far, so that's good. Also, got part way into week 2 of typing the journal into web pages. I may be able to finish week 2 and announce it today.

Going to watch Eureka. At least Sci-Fi is putting those up to watch for teh free. That's it for now.

Time passes

I was getting more and more sad as I realized my debit card wouldn't pass verification for a dinner charge. Fate and Destiny yet again remind me I'm on the right path / where I'm supposed to be. On my way back to the car to have a snack I noticed something on the ground. It looked like the back of a canceled check. I get closer and noticed it's a stamp of the college address. I pick it up, flip it over, woah! Coupon to In-n-Out Burger for hamburger or cheezburger. Woooahhh. Here I am, ready to put my account at risk of bounce fee to eat dinner later and Fate/Destiny provides me with a coupon for free cheezburger. Ok, that's taken care of. I decide I'll get a 2-liter of Pepsi. That's like $2. I have $1 left. I'm tempted to buy a lotto ticket, but I decide to keep the $1 for foods, since I already have a ticket for tonight's lotto; See if I can buy fries. I get to In-n-Out Burger and I put in the order and it's $1.30 with tax. Dang it. Only have $1.26. But, the young cutie who is taking my order ponders it a bit and says, 'meh, that's ok.' Yeeeaaa! So now I have cheezburger, Pepsi, and fries, a whole meal when I otherwise wouldn't have had it. Thanks Christina! She has no idea how important such a seemingly small decision actually was. My tummy would have had a very different and hungrier path tonight without the fries. Unlike others, who can just wait till they get home to eat, for me it was eat or not. Granted, someone else probably would have spotted me the $0.04, but still. It's nice to see Fate at work and others giving people a break even if it seems trivial to them. Later, when I go back, I'll have a prepared note to let her know what a good kindness she did, repay her a quarter, hehe, and gib her some Animal Crackers. She gets cookie for nice deed.

Dang. I forgot Golfland's doing that "Arcade Madness" tonight. While I can still hang out and watch the golfers, the bathroom will be basically off-limits. At Safeway now, tummy lost a quick battle with teh cheezburger, dang grease, but I should be ok. I'll stick around here for a bit though to be sure. Down to like 1.5 gallons of gas, so things are getting pretty tight. I should be fine in the morning though. My paycheck should flip around 8 AM.

Day 30 - 7/31 - Month for sure

Zomg breakfast. Yuuummm! I don't know how long it's been since I could afford b-fast. I suppose I could just look it up, but that's cheating...

Nearly time for my 10:15 phone interview. It's probably out of my skill range in that the place works with youth with eating disorders, which I have no experience or specialty in. However, the job is just an admin assistant, which I have lots of experience in.

Lots to do today since my pay flipped. Got to feed my starving car, down to like 1/2 gallon, the lowest it's ever been in the time I've owned it. (Got it in like January.) Got to go shopping for foods. Got to wash my super dirty cloths. Got class in the evening. And, as mentioned, got the phone interview in a few minutes. Oh, and I should pay at least some of my phone and Intarweb bills that are overdue.

My shaver ran out of power this morning mid-shave. At least I managed to shave it so that I don't look like a crazy person. I looked like Spock from the alternate universe. Charged it up a bit in the library a few minutes ago and managed to clear that off, so I'm totally shaved guy now. I guess I should charge it at work every few weeks. The charge lasts pretty long.

Welp, better go outside and find a decent call spot for the call. My signal in here is only meh, plus it's a bit loud.

Time passes

Lunch time nom. I have quite the feast. I got sandwich fixings to last a while, well 2-3 sandwiches, baguette, roast beef, salami. I got a family mixed chips pack, so I chose some Doritos from that, and a couple of handfuls of grapes (purple seedless). Yuuummm.

I feel pretty good about the morning interview. It is working as an admin assistant 20-25 hours a week at a place helping kids with disorders. It's a little short in hours, but it would be 20+ per hour with benefits, so pay per hour is huge. They want to do a background check if I make it to the next interview step, which is fine, but they also want to do a credit check, which is not so fine. I'm in some pretty phenomenal debt, and I'm certain several will show more than six months unpaid. My phone / Internet bills may also show a few months past due. So, credit check is epic fail. She said it may not be necessary, and it is extremely surprising that a job would do that. I think this is the first ever I've heard of a job doing that. But, well, I'd love to work with kids. I'm working on a child development Associates, she can read all about me on the web, so I may appear a bit odd, be a bit of a risk, but hell, I'd trust me more than someone with a completely spotless history that I know nothing about. I think people who live completely privileged lives won't have the same understanding as someone who's actually lived. We'll see. As always, the second step is in Fate's hand.

Quick personal side-step for those curious. My personal belief is Fate and Destiny control our path. (Some call this force gods.) I view "Fate" as the force that guides our current moment-to-moment lives, while "Destiny" is what I'd call our more major moments, those which truly define us for all time. Like, let's say it is our destiny to meet a certain person. Destiny won't really care when that happens as long as the overarching other destiny points can be met. It will be Fate who provides opportunity. Say in the space of a month Fate allows you two to cross paths half a dozen times. Fate controls those opportunities, while it is Destiny that you meet. Don't know why I felt it important to ramble about my Fatalist views on life, but there ya go.

Day 31 - 8/1 - Calendar shift

My day started kinda sad, what with the calendar shift to August; birth month, b-day weeks away. Getting re-established in a home by then is effectively impossible now without a huge gift donation or winning the lottery.

I had some strange dreams last night. In one I was a dragon and I was flying around (low height in some maze like place) and people were looking for me, swinging great swords around randomly because I'd turned invisible to avoid them. One guy caught me right in the throat after rounding a turn. I could feel the cold steel, the bitter scratchy bite of the metal, the coldness of the air coming in compared to the warmth of the air in my throat escaping. Of course I woke up pretty quick. There was another dream later. It was in my old house from my childhood, the first home I lived in before my mom died. My stuff was packed up because the house was being sold. But I didn't have anywhere to go. Then there was something about female robots, old school boxy types, and some kind of magic to find one who'd gone missing. Strange stuff. Obviously a subconscious mix of a desire to remain positive (trying to fly) and the chaos of being forced to move coupled with my current struggles. I'm actually pretty good with dream interpretation, but lately all my dreams are just a jumbled mess of my current life; typically something about being forced to move, often in my first home with boxes packed and my dad has sold the house. Or something about my stuff I miss, usually involving my Blu-ray movies and entertainment tech. It's kind of funny, the other night I was dreaming about yelling at / scolding noobs for setting up the receiver to run 2.1 sound instead of running in 5.1 uncompressed. hehe.

Anyways... it's around noon, Friday, August 1st; The start of what will likely be a sad month. Though I should post that party announcement / fan gathering. Maybe someone will actually come.

As expected, no jobs to apply for so far. I'll be surprised if any come up today. There is work later tonight. I guess I'm thankful for at least having that. I was talking to Ballman, well, he was raving at me and I was feigning interest. He's lost too much sanity. I guess he says he's been homeless for years. I wouldn't do that voluntarily. That's crazy. There is a small chance I may voluntarily do it for a few weeks or a month after I have built up cash to move in somewhere in order to save up for a new HDTV, build extra cushion, etc., but that would be it. Speaking of that, an HDTV thread came up on one of the boards. I was proud to notice someone mentioned they listened to my recommendation on a Samsung LNxxA650 type screen in a previous thread, said they did a ton of research, got the 52" version, and loved it and highly recommended it to the new person. It's good to know my thoughts and opinions (and research) are valued and passed on. I mean, I know it is, just like I know my tech suggestions are, but it's always nice to get that validation.

Something is in the air, but I can't put my finger on it. It seems like a normal day so far. Boards are quiet, jobs are nonexistent, people are rare, but if I'm friendly they are friendly, yet... I sense a disturbance in the Force.

Time passes

Oh, good news from the other day - though this is really more a personal note so I don't forget again - recently Dell has announced they too are making some lighter portables targeted at the $500-700 range. While it looks like these new low-end Insperons are targeting the higher end of super portables, it should provide me with more options in the sub-$700 range and possibly push down the Asus Eee PC 1000H price. So far I like it's size, features, and battery life best of the options. I think the only thing which could top it would be a larger screen, maybe something which was 1280x720 res (a standard 16:9 size) and a hair bigger keyboard. We'll see soon enough I suppose. Models release between early August and September. I'm keeping my eye on things even more so now what with the impending school Summer closed time, but trying not to obsess over it or talk about it too much, as there is little I can plan without the income.

Nearly work time. I guess that's a positive something.

Time passes

Here at work. Looks like the early guys aren't here again, which is fine by me as that means 1.5 hours in relative silence vs. the constant 'slam slam slam' of the basket balls.

Fate gave me another bread crumb. I thought, 'Maybe I'll get an extra lotto ticket for tonight. Better than feeding it to the cheating Pile-Up game'. So I go to the Safeway, and there is someone at the machine. 'Ah well, I'll go on my way out.' On the way out I hesitate, thinking, 'Well, I already have one ticket. Do I really need two? Maybe I'll see if it would be worth it before spending it.' (Meaning check for a large prize amount.) And I start to watch the ticker of estimated amounts. Then I notice, there is already a dollar in there. Woot! I get my extra Friday lotto for teh free. Mind you, nothing may come of it. It is a bread crumb from Fate saying I'm on the right path either way. I've had this happen several times in the past few months. I've probably found about $5 total from left monies. We'll see if anything comes of it but I'm happy for messages from Fate either way.

Time passes

I visited my ex-room the other day. There is still no progress on changing it. There is a spot of paint on the wall, but that's really about it. It made me sad remembering what it looked like, where all my stuff used to go. And I was sad missing my room and now pretty much ex-friend. I sent her a few silly emails and she didn't reply. Not sure what's up with that. Maybe she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I had a thought though - that maybe she does miss me and is sad about my leaving too. That could be one reason why she hasn't changed the room quickly, if she were sad about my absence from it. It really was her boyfriend who didn't like/hated me there at the end who wanted me gone. At least it's a nice thought about why my former space is sitting unused.

Day 32 - 8/2

Charging my phone really quick at the library. It's about 11.

I've been thinking lately, and sadly, without winning a lot of money, well some money, or getting a really good paying job, I doubt I'd have the money to get my laptop. At 30k a year I could save up 1.5 months per month, and 35k a year I could save up 2 months per month, meaning I'm looking at, even with jobs as high paying as those, 1-2 months of totally saving everything to have enough to move in somewhere. That's sad. This restricted access, not fully functional systems is poop. Well, I guess I can always hope for a donation from someone, either by enough via donation or straight wish list purchase. But still... I should probably just save it for moving back in somewhere. Well, as I've said before, I guess there isn't much point pondering timetables without first getting a job. I did bring my excel based budget, so I could plug in numbers pretty quick once I get something.

Fifteen after now. I think I'll hang out till about 11:30 then head on over to Golfland for my whopping 12 hours of staring at golfers. Going for 2 hours of access at the Cupertino library would be tempting if the systems weren't slow as crap. Maybe next week they will have sorted out the issue.

I guess nothing came of the Friday lotto. Looks like neither draw won anything. Poop. Well, I've got one up tonight, so ya never know. Even just a few hundred (3 numbers + mega number) would be super helpful. Crazy to see things like 4+mega gets you typically 10k. That would be like woooaaah.

I have to share this with you. It's the stupidest thing I've heard in I don't know how long. "It doesn't matter which side we go on, both are in the sun. There is no way I'm going to play in the sun." How in God's name did someone not expect an outdoor mini-golf course to be in the sun?! Was one side (two courses; "east" vs. "west") somehow going to magically be shaded at 1:00 in the afternoon on a day that is likely in the high 80s and no clouds?! Sure, maybe around 8 when the sun is going down one side may be slightly more shaded, but by the gods... not expecting to be in the sun when you go somewhere outside? Huuulllooo.

Have I told you my dumbest guy ever story? I don't think I have. This just cracks me up every time I think of it. Once I was driving along this sort of slower side road kind of area. People go maybe 20-35 on it. I come to this intersection. I stop and a guy across from me stops. I'm on a slow to accelerate scooter, so I go ahead and wait a second till he starts to cross, just to be safe or whatever. Then I see it; A TV behind his car. It looks oddly positioned in relation to his car, so I wait to watch him pass. As he does I get a full view of the TV cart, yes, a TV cart. He's got this TV, probably around 20" tube-style, on a TV cart with wheels, being pulled behind his car with a rope. My mind boggles, and sure enough, as he's about 2/3 the way across the intersection the rope snaps and the TV cart slowly starts going diagonally towards the corner. I'm sad now I didn't stay for the lols to see the imminent crash into the corner that was no doubt to follow. Seriously... a TV on a wheelie TV cart, pulled by rope behind his car. It boggles the mind how he expected that to survive to its destination. (Note there were no houses along this stretch of road for a good mile.)

Just a side note if you ever go mini-golfing - play teh rabb1t way, don't keep score. If you don't keep score everyone has fun and everyone wins. If you keep score there can only be one winner and everyone gets stressed out. How fun is that? Plus, without score you can implement "crazy rules". Some of teh rabb1t crazy golf rules are...

  • "hit the ball before it stops rolling" (ideally while others are playing)
  • "whack it", where the point is to interrupt others from getting to the hole with your ball
  • "opposite handed", where, obviously, you play using the opposite grip as normal
  • "closed eyes / using the Force", where you line up your shot, but have to close your eyes before actually shooting (this one is super challenging and may be frustrating)
  • "interruption / blocker", where you can call interruption and hit someone else's ball with your club after hitting yours (this can only be done once per hit).

I can't think of others, but there is also the overall "play through" rule, which is, if you go off course you have to keep playing. (This can be extra challenging if you go really far off course. And, of course, you can't use this rule if you go into the water in a deep spot. Now a shallow spot, ha! ) Oh, and girlies, make yourselves look hawt before going then leave your purse in the car. I don't see how these people expect to golf when your weight is off balance due to a purse. Leave it in the car. We guys will just think u r teh dumb and pwn joo for having a purse. No purse = smart = hawt.

Time passes

hehe yeeeaaa for random donations. So, I'm sitting here at Golfland spacing out watching golfers, and a guy pulls up next to me. Pretty young guy, maybe early to mid 30s. He's got a totally cute daughter talking about the dragons and saying to daddy, "They aren't real, right?" She makes me lol and wish I had a cute daughter like that. The dad sees me lol, and he lols, and waves. Like 2 hours later they come out and he says, "Still here? Long day." smiling and loling. And I'm like, "Yeah. I really have nothing else to do. I'm homeless and this is my only entertainment." So he gives me various words of well wishing, then says he feels like it's a silly question, as obviously I'm in a car and mobile, and asks if I need any money help and donates $5 to me. Yeeeaaa for random donation. I gave him a rabb1t card in case he needs any PC helping, hehe. Made me feel happy to know there are peeps out there wishing me well. I know everyone does, but still. Who knows, maybe Fate will be his work or someone he knows could use my skillz. hehe.

Now I'm gots friendly stranger buff and cute happy children buff. lol

Time passes

Another tasty Panda Express dinner has come and gone. I'm so full though. I think I'll stop getting two items + 1 free item (from the survey coupon). I think in the future I'll just take the coupon and just use it to lower my two item meal cost. I'm pretty sure it counts as like $1.25 or $1.50 off. My fortune is, again, very appropriate. "You are an artistic person. Let your colors show." (in bed).

I saw another super cute girl at the Panda Express. She was with her momz, who was pretty hawt. She was listening to something via an earphone, and she gained +10 hawt, +10 cute, +10 attractiveness when I noticed it was not an iPod, but a PSP in her pocket. I did that back in the day. I had a 1st generation one, so my flash size was poo. I think I had like 10 songs on there and it was like 75% of the space. It's ok, I never listen to music. I normally listen to one CD worth a year. Lately I've been listening to the radio way too much because that and Golfland are all I have.

What with being so sad about being a single bunny with no family lately I've started to wonder if I should seriously consider child care (as a permanent field.) I'm looking at it now, but I was planning to do a Masters level counseling degree after my child development Associates. Maybe I would also be really happy if I did something like just go for an administrative child care focus and look at upper levels there. I guess I have plenty of time to ponder that, as classes can only be taken so quickly. It would be nice to secure a job soon, so I know what my schedule will be. It's possible I could take more classes than I am currently planning. (Like that 25 hour a week job would pay me enough to not really need more hours, leaving that extra time for more classes or something like doing system builds for people.)

Ah well. Still so much of my life is out of my hands. Golfland is open another 3 hours. That is about all I can really plan these days - to Golfland or not to Golfland. That is the question.

Day 33 - 8/3

Way too early Sunday morning. It's about 8:45, 3 hours 'till anything real happens. It is also already starting to get really warm. I'm going to change to my shorts soon out of my night-time sweat pants. I already changed to a t-shirt because the long sleeve night-shirt was too warm.

I've been up since 5:45. My phone did a dying beep when it got super low power and woke me up. I went to school to try and get more rest, but couldn't sleep; possibly due to the police scare last week. Since I couldn't fall back asleep I decided to try and charge my phone. No luck. The outlets were shut down. There was a flea market there again yesterday. It looks like it will happen every 1st Saturday of the month. I put my contacts in and decided to go look around for a bit, take a stretch, and saw a police car roaming the edge of campus. I decided to quickly move out, just in case he was coming my way. By the time I was ready to go and made my way down he was nowhere to be seen. I guess it's fine to be there weekends and I was just over-reacting.

Well... still 3 hours 'till I have library access. Although with only 1 hour all day there is really no huge rush - that and Golfland are it for the day. I suppose I'll just rest here at Target. I could move over to Best Buy at 11, but those are really my only options. Shame Best Buy doesn't have the Asus Eee PC 1000H or MSI Wind in yet. I'm curious to peep the 10.1" screen size and more importantly the keyboard. I guess an article stated only two manufacturers can make the 10.1" screen. That may be a big factor in their cost. I expect that and the CPU are the biggest cost parts. Anyways, we know I can't do anything but window shop there, so again, no rush.

I guess I'll write again if anything interesting happens or if some bit of philosophy strikes me. k thx for reading, bye for now.

Time passes

What an idiot. Another one for the idiot file. So I'm sitting here having a snack. This lady is a couple of spaces away smoking, window wide open. She's got her car running for some reason. I notice her car is leaking something at a pretty horrendous rate. I'd say one drop per second. I don't know much about cars but it's black, so it is likely oil, which, for those who don't know, your engine needs for the parts to stay lubed and moving. Without oil you can pretty quickly seize and the engine can suffer major damage. So anyways. Here I am figuring she will leave, but nope she's just sitting there. Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. After about 30 seconds of my noticing I decide I should probably go tell her because at that rate whatever it is will be gone really fast, particularly if it speeds up while she's driving. So I get out of my car, walk around hers, and as I round the front she puts her window up. I watch it close the last couple of inches as I get in range of her hearing me say something, well she could have if her window were open. She's partly giving me this f-off look, partly just ignoring me. I stood there a few seconds then shrug and walk away. As I'm nearing my car she rolls her window back down. She continues to sit there, car running, puddle getting bigger, drip, drip, drip. Well, she deserves whatever she gets. I'm not normally a mean guy, but if she is rude and disrespectful like that she deserves whatever comes of it. (I'm going to guess she assumed I was going to tell her not to smoke with the window down.) If she greets a warning to her safety and everyone around her with anger and a f-u look and won't even listen to what I have to say, she genuinely deserves whatever results. With a pool roughly 12" long, 7" wide, and maybe 1/8" tall after the five minutes it took her to smoke I'm guessing the result of whatever that leak is will come soon enough. Most certainly within a few hours of driving in what will very soon be a very hot day later on.

Time passes

So we are over at Best Buy now. I did my whopping 1 hour at the library. Got a fair amount done as it were (being there are never job posts on the weekend). I went to Safeway to get some lunch foods. Got some doughnuts, one for lunch, one for later, and a few handfuls of grapes, they never keep well. Tried to go to Golfland, but it is overly full.

It's a perfect picnic day, which several were preparing for earlier when I was at the park. It's super warm but breezy, almost windy. I'll likely have to stay here a few hours before Golfland starts to clear out. It's tempting to go kill time with WoW strategy guides - particularly Burning Crusade, since I don't have it. We'll see. I'm in no rush to do anything. Tummy is a bit on sugar overload at the moment. I always have too much fruit for b-fast, heh.

I've been in outside zones so long I can't even imagine being in a house again in a real sense. I can imagine what it must be like, I remember it, but both are like movies, intangible and unreal. Not like what imagining should be like.

Fading... brain straying... eyes closing... maybe I should shut down for a nap.

Time passes

Looks like the main Golfland lot may stay full till evening. It's about 3 hours 'till I go eat so I guess I can just chill here at Best Buy. I like the new slogan. At least I think it's new. I don't recall seeing it before this weekend. "You, happier." It's so true for me. I'm very happy when I'm looking at new electronics, my Blu-ray movies, games, etc. I suppose not so much new electronics, as once I get my new screen I'd probably be good to go another 10 years or so. I wonder if I could make a living at that - happy living room guy recommending and setting up home entertainment systems, heh. I don't know nearly enough about screen and audio tech though. I did apply for the Geek Squad, but every time I apply they ignore me. Heck, I even walked in and talked to a manager who said she would call me within a week. It's been three weeks and no call, psh. Guess Fate doesn't want me there.

So I wander still, a pawn of Fate, moving where I am willed until I am in the right place I should be and stick there.

Maybe I should just give up on the path I'm on and totally redirect things, go against my nature, go where the money is and look at something like law. I don't know the first thing about law. I suppose there would be a lot of memorizing and knowing the letter of the law. I'm not good at memorizing. I wonder if there is any kind of pre-law aptitude tests for noobs. Would I be happy though? I don't know. I suppose there are so many aspects of law. I could just be like a lower level researcher aid and still make way more than I've made so far. I've seen legal aid positions up on the boards I was qualified for save for the legal aspects. All I want is a job I'll be happy doing that pays me enough to pay my bills, get out of debt, and have enough left over to have fun. I don't think it's too much to ask for.

How strange, there doesn't appear to be any kind of legal classes in the Foothill Winter booklet. I wonder if that means no legal degree exists at the Associates level. I'll have to try and research that later. What with my being homeless there really would be no downside to my over-loading myself with evening classes, possibly weekends as well. It seems all these lower level jobs that would work me during those times are ignoring me.

I've thought of going tech, but there are so many math and electronic classes. I don't think I could get through those. At least law is something related to psychology, in that both have a shared basis in motivation. I'd probably just wind up on the poor side of law though if I did it, heh. I wouldn't want to protect evil corporations or criminals, which is where I hear the real big money is.

Anyways, nothing in my flyer for next semester, so that path is obviously not something meant for me to explore right now.

I wonder if the Pet Smart across the way has any cute bunnies, kitties, or puppies to look at. Maybe I'll peep it later, hehe. Four now, so I've still got 3 hours, ideally 3.5 before I go eat.

Day 34 - 8/4

B-fast time nom. Pretty empty here at school. There were no morning swimmers and the population seems decidedly lower. It's the last week, so there is likely a combination of finals, cutting, and missing class times. Looks like I may have unrestricted computer access if people have done their final papers and projects. The reduction to 1 hour at the library will suck big-time. Not only due to reduced time, but because I won't have access to my site at all, as they don't let you access stuff (programs open files, but I have zero free navigation to get to GoLive).

Hopefully I can gather money soon and get an Eee PC. The older model (smaller screen, smaller keyboard, smaller battery) drops into the $450 range post rebate making it a lot less than the current 1000H price of $650. Showers will be a greater concern, as I know of nowhere around here to shower. I could shower where my work is, but that's about $3 in gas. I wouldn't want to go up there if I didn't have to. I may only be doing sponge type shower/baths most weekdays. (Obviously I'll be up there once a week for work.)

No good or bad news in my email. It's still early though, about 9:15. People won't be doing job stuff for about 2 hours. I guess I'll go do more fun board checking and maybe watch Burn Notice, Psych, or Monk.

With a low enough population I may get a few more weeks of this posted. I'm on the back of page 64 now, so just under 40 pages to type in. That's a ton. Gonna be a while. Well, off I go.

Time passes

More fail news starting next week - the cafeteria comes down after Thursday. So starting Friday the mini lab will be all I, and others, have, which likely means I won't get much time to do checking, food costs will go way up, and I lose shower access. Hopefully dad will send enough to get a laptop, but it's highly unlikely he'll send more than $200.

Peeped some news about an up-coming NCSoft game - Blade & Soul. Looks interesting. It's a MMOG, but they have super detailed moves, so combat looks very cool and spells are like wow. Back in the day during the D&D Online beta I told Turbine they should consider making it more turn based, more faithful to the D&D rules, and going with super cool looking combat animations. I think a lot more would have played it if they did that.

Time passes

Things got busy around 10:30. Noon now and population seems normal. Getting on a system has been difficult, but I've managed two job checks, a full cycle of fun site checks, updated teh rabb1t site, typed in two more journal days, um... that's it so far. Things will likely be too crowded to get onto a system for another hour or so till students start going back into classes. Around 3 or so things should really cool down and I should have time to add on some more journal entries and watch my shows.

Time passes

So I'm at Panda Express and it's not even Saturday ^.^. Someone bought some Chinese food into the computer lab area and my tummy was all 'rar rar rar me Chinese food!' So I'm gots to feed teh screaming tummy.

The "day" is about over. Seems like I did a lot. I didn't actually do that much though. Checked job boards, checked regular boards, only put out a few applications. Set up an interview for tomorrow. Watched my shows. Oh, posted week 3 of Epic Fail.

Kinda funny; A guy saw me watching Monk. I had it full screen, I'd guess those are 22" screens in the library, and he asked where I got the episode. hehe. I suppose it is somewhat surprising USA gives away Burn Notice, Psych, and Monk. Though they aren't amazing quality, they are certainly good enough to enjoy. I guess it is odd to get them free, since most networks don't show their shows via webcast.

Seems you can't use the Panda Express coupon you get from the survey as a price reducer; You must get an item with it. I suppose if I really didn't want that much food I could get a Panda Bowl, which is one item, then the other item for teh free. That would work for making things for teh cheap. I should probably do that since I have a pretty small tummy, heh. I only eat 2/3 or 1/2 the normal person's meal.

Time passes

I can has extra fortune cookies. On my way out of Panda Express I saw someone(s) left three cookies. I didn't want to steal them from people who hadn't eaten, but there wasn't anyone around they could have belonged to. In order to be sure they were abandoned I went to the bathroom, and even after made an extra glance around the restaurant. You are likely curious, so here we are... "Money and luck are favorable next month" (in bed). Well, wouldn't that be nice, eh? "By the red car" (in bed). Totally doesn't work. "There is excitement to be found wherever you go" (in bed) Well, that certainly depends on how well you mesh with your partner, but I have never been accused of being boring. If anything I have gotten requests for less enthusiasm. "Take no risks with your reputation" (in bed). Um... ok.

Crazy busy here at Golfland. The main lot, where I can get the Golfland network, is full. Crazy crowded. I don't know if I will bother trying to move over to the main spot. As lame as it sounds I may just chill here then go to the church sleeping spot.

I feel even more confident it's a safe place after last night. Some kids came to the lot (walked), probably 16 or 17 years old. They sat down in the very middle of the back area. Totally open line of sight from the front, in full light. They were smoking. I'd guess pot from the flick-flick lighting style, and talking at a fairly loud volume. I was like, 'hello, you are being totally loud in what is effectively the back yard of three different buildings. How dumb are you?' (Not actually said, just thought.) They were there for just under 1/2 hour. No apartment lights came on, no cars drove over, no police came to shoo them away. Everything remained just like it would have if they weren't there. So, I feel even more confident I'll be fine there. Heh, they walked within 10 feet of my car and didn't see me. Of course, laying down, they would have had to get within about 3-5 feet to see me.

Sometimes I wonder if I should be a private investigator. I know a lot about stealth, silence, how not to be seen, and how to search without disturbing things. And, as you know from my Golfland days, I have the patients to sit and observe for hours and hours on end if necessary. I've never looked into what it would take, but, due to my poor luck finding jobs, I've always feared the 'sales' aspect of needing to find clients. Hum, maybe it's worth looking into. From what I know of the job I have the core skills - research, observation, patients, moving unseen, understanding human nature. I'm even pretty good with photos, particularly at catching things in a natural state or unplanned. Although I have to admit, I've seen absolutely zero job postings for a P.I. assistant ever. I suppose I can look where people post their services, but it seems there wouldn't be much call for a P.I. outside of infidelity and insurance fraud.

Ah well, hopefully something will come up. While yet another career shift could lead to something, I do really need to get focused. And, what with needing to work while attending school, any further shift at this point would be time consuming. Now, were someone to offer 100% free school, and I'd have a way to cover room and board as it were, plus a bit extra to play games and buy movies so I don't go totally insane, I'd probably happily consider such a shift. It would be nice to have someone recognize some kind of natural born gift I have for a craft and take me in old-school apprentice like.

Nighty night peeps. Likely not have anything else till morning.

Day 35 - 8/5

A bit later start on writing, about 10:20. Going to my interview in about 20 minutes.

Blizzard changed some Death Knight talents. I lost a regenerative ability, one was lowered in %, an aura lost it's regeneration, and the Frost blade buff seems to have disappeared. There isn't much left in Frost that looks all that interesting to me. I'm nearly all Blood now. The damage boosts were reduced as well, with two-handed down to like 4% max, not counting a 10% boost if I'm over 75% HP, and the dual wield capping at something like 15%. I hope they aren't gimped on damage output.

No jobs at all posted today so far, which is odd as we are nearing the prime check time. Also, no replies or calls.

Today and yesterday seemed all gloomy, like it's going to rain. It's clearing up a bit now, but still, odd for mid-Summer.

I got to type in about half of week five, so I may be able to post that later today.

Maybe we'll have more to talk about in the afternoon.

Time passes

I was right about the rain. I came out after my class in the evening and all the cars were wet. Thankfully I'd pulled my busted top out and it appeared that nothing leaked inside, which is good if there are more showers yet to come. Rain means colder weather though, which is bad, as it is already tough enough to get decent sleep at night.

No real developments with job stuff. The interview was a decent interview, but it isn't a job I could keep, or would want to keep. It is for 20-30 hours at $11, which is below my $12-13 minimum per hour I need, and well below the $15+ I really need to target. Someone in class who took my resume with her to her work said H.R. was looking at me, so I may have an opportunity there. That would be good as that is in childcare. And, although I don't know much about it, her school is a head-start school. That type focuses on helping people who need help, like low income, or homeless, so not only is it working with kids, but it would also be 'for a good cause' as it were. Of course I'll let you guys know if anything comes of it.

Only about 3 hours of typing to get to this point. So I should easily be able to get the journal basically current before I lose access. Of course, after that, it will rapidly get as much as six weeks behind, as I can't access my web program from the school libraries. The only way I could update during that time would be if I got a laptop or somehow got access to a desktop. Sadly dad's b-day money isn't due till after the shut-down, so if things are updated it would be a surprise to you guys.

Maybe I'll have more interesting news tomorrow.

Oh, before I go I did want to make a quick note about rain. I'm a "fire sign" and I found it odd, but somewhat logical, that I like the rain. I love the fresh smell it brings out in the world; particularly in forests. I think it's because I find it calming (which is logical).

Also, when I went to the Golfland bathroom right now there was this huge game. It isn't really set up yet, but it's a box like six feet long by four feet wide. I peeked into a hole in it's side and it looks like it's a two seat ride people sit in with full-on hydraulic action as they play. It looks like it will be pretty crazy. I'll keep you all informed on it's progress. It will likely be $3-5 per pop though from the looks of it.

Day 36 - 8/6

Just an email check this morning and a lot of messing around, hehe. It's only 9:30 now, so job people are still totally non-active.

Tasty doughnut and juuuuuice. Likely my last one since I only get it every other day due to costs. I can easily enough continue to get doughnuts, but juice would be tough. I normally get a big Sunny D juice, but last time I did that it got funky before I got much past half way, so I really hate to waste it. It's all kinds of sad because a juice like that is about $0.30-0.40 vs. the $1.25 I pay for this one.

I have Eureka to watch later, and a dozen journal pages to type in. The computers are all super busy though with people doing final project things. It should quiet down later. I figure I'll try again around 10. Yesterday everything was rapidly emptied after about 1.

Odd thing - I didn't see any law stuff here at De Anza either. I know there are law colleges, but you'd think a paralegal is a lower level degree. If I'm not mistaken it's only a Bachelor's level and it's effectively general office work with extra training on how to do law library stuff with some certifications to do legal forms. I don't know. I don't know if I really want to switch. I really do like small kids. They are fun and cute. Of course, in your daily outside lives you don't really encounter the sad or frustrating times, so you don't get the whole picture. I guess I will if I ever get hired at a child care center. That would be the ideal I think. Like 30 hours at $16+ an hour at a child care center. Doing the maths ((((30x16) x.87 for tax) x52 weeks) / 12 months) it seems like it would be close enough to my 2k a month budget needs, while only being 30 hours, so I would have a bit of extra time to relax and take classes.

Well, what happens happens. So many things are out of my hands these days.

I slept pretty good last night. For a while I was deep in a dream and very far from teh suck of sleeping in my car. Many more nights like that and I really would seriously consider staying homeless an extra few weeks beyond what I need to get money for my screen and a bit of cushion. The world is getting cold though, seemingly much sooner this year than most. Back in like 2002 (I think) it was way hot and I was in shorts all the way through September. This year, I've been chilly in the mornings and evenings, and here we are only in early August and I am not even at the point of starting my savings to move back in, let alone in the bonus monies time. *sigh*

Fate continues to move me forward through time. The waiting continues...

Time passes

Lunch time nom. Funny story, seems I put my stuff down at a table next to the photography cutie. She didn't recognize me at first, but did a couple of smiles after she did. I have seen her around a few times. She's kind of easy to spot due to how she dresses (kind of rocker/artist). I used to have more of a dress 'style', not so much lately. Lately I've been kind of regular cloths jeans guy with gamer shirts. Back in the day I used to wear cammo pants more. I may go back to that, as that style is a bit comfier in terms of movement. If I recall, my current cammo pants ("night" cammo, blues with black) are kind of tight. I don't think too tight, but tight enough they don't fit properly. I guess I could trade my shorts for them. What with the shift to cold I really won't need my shorts. Cutie left, no flirts for me. I suppose I am upwards to 20 years older than the peeps here so that doesn't help. I don't look it though, part of the minor Charisma boost. It does make me a sad rabb1t though. My average site peep is also like probably in their early 20s to early 30s, that combined with college peeps also in that range rapidly dwindles my chances to find a sweetie. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with that. My ex-sweetie was 13 years younger than me. It took a long time to get over that and see we loved each other for who we were, not how old we were. Body age seems to have little to do with a person's spirit and interests. Anyways, yes, I'd love to have a sweetie 10-15 years younger, but I'm looking for a spirit / interest match really, so I won't discount anyone. Anyways, guess the nugget of knowledge here is - if you find someone cute / attractive, don't cast them aside just due to age. (Unless they are so young it's inappropriate or something.)

Welp, lunch time nom has been over for a while. Guess I'll go see about typing more in and checking jobs.

Day 37 - 8/7

Super sad day. It's about 9:15 and I'm not even going to bother fighting over a system this morning. I don't need to. Jobs won't come up for a few hours, and being current with Epic Fail I only add 15 minutes to 1/2 hour of typing per day. Plenty of time during my last week to type in another week.

I was really depressed last night too. Cried a tiny bit. I just want to go back to my room with my stuff all set up, but I can't.

B-fast noms. I got a doughnut at Safeway last night. Not a whole lot cheaper than here, just $0.15 less, but still.

This is the last fully open day of school. My last school shower this morning. It will be sponge showers and Friday night work showers until I find another public shower.

I wonder if I'm getting sick too. This dummyhead was in the bathroom the other day all wheezing and rasping like he was going to die. Um hulllooo, if you are that sick you can call the professor or take the test separately so you don't put other students at risk. No, no, he goes around campus spreading his plague everywhere.

I think my beta board I normally talk on is closing soon. There are posts about open beta mid-August. I think release is set for late September. I think I've been there over 6 months now. It's been quite a while.

Well, b-fast is over. Time to go see if my computers are free to check my email and mess around.

Time passes

Lunch time nom, noon. In a 'farewell college cafeteria' celebration I decided to get their chicken nuggets. A bit pricy for what you get, but, well, with it shutting down for a month I'll likely be doing a lot of bread with occasional meat for lunch.

The job searches continue to fail. There were like no posts at all in the two morning checks. Literally. I think I saw only about 10 new posts on the 16 areas I check. At least next week, what with no classes, my gas will go way down. That will help a bit. And as long as I have my 5 hour a week job I am reasonably balanced. (Though I still owe about $100 to Comcast and AT&T. Probably have to spend b-day monies clearing that. )

Not much to say. Helping someone via email on a build he's doing. He's flipping out a bit on graphic card and hard drive choices, but it's understandable as his PC has some mystery problem we can't figure out. Posted a few posts in threads to help people out / save them some monies, so I still can help people and be happy about that.

Time passes

Edge of night, 8:30. Class ended early - last one. I'm totally stuffed from the pot-luck. I can has leftover sodas and I got bread as my dish, and have nearly all of that, so bread for about 5-6 days is covered, provided it doesn't go stale before then, which it likely will. Bread unwrapped will only last about 1, maybe 2, days before it is too hard to eat. I wrapped it up in Safeway bags, so hopefully it will be ok.

There were a couple of younger kids that came in. I think some were around two and five. I waved to the younger a few times and her older brother saw me and later showed me his spaghetti dinner by holding it up in front of his face and making an, 'I'm totally going to eat this' face, and I made a yikes face. I later remembered my golf balls and brought them in to see if they wanted to play with them. He explained how I needed to take them in and throw them into the grass tomorrow because that's where golf balls live - in the grass. "Not the trees, in the grass only", hehe.

Sex pen is dead. Dumb thing shows 80% full but refuses to write. Maybe I'll see about getting a cheap three or five pack if they are going to run out. Let's see... like 28 hand written pages, single spaced, double sided. That sound right? Sounds a bit quick to me. I probably only do that much in a normal semester though.

Anyways... nothing in jobs. I think I only have managed three apps a day for a week now. Things are getting bad. Used to be like 5-10 on a really good day a few months ago. All I can do is keep looking I guess.

Not sure what else to say at the moment.

Day 38 - 8/8

I has a lunch, about noon. Pretty empty on campus, but that's to be expected what with the shut-down. I got 2 hours for checking jobs and helping others on boards so far, then watched Burn Notice. Lunch time now, though I seem to have not stolen a plastic knife. Got forks and spoons, but no knife. Cutting salami will be... well I have to bite it. rar. I found a pen too, hehe.

I'll miss campus. It seems strange, and I've only been here about a month, but I've grown accustom to the hustle and bustle of peeps. I wonder if I'll be back when it comes up in six weeks or if this suck will be over. It's doubtful I'd find a place by then, but extremely possible to have found a day job, meaning daily computer need may become unnecessary (as I may have a computer at work and time to access during my day.) I guess only time will tell.

It's kind of nice to be free, like a leaf in the wind, but I'm getting really sick of repeatedly bashing against the walls. I'd like to land in a fountain and gently float around for a while.

Wow... ok the salami pouch is bite proof. Gonna have to get a knife. Mine are all buried. Oh, I have scissors, duh. I'd have to go all the way back to the car, at the fountain now *sigh* maybe later. My time here will end in a few hours anyways.

I saw the Death Knight intro. Ooooh Spoiler there, but it's totally how I envisioned my character history - dying in defense of a cause, the will to persevere turning me. My character will be very sad about what he's become, having previously been a Warrior, fighting to find a way to undo the curse. I'll probably make a website with his story some day. I was hoping to work on it pre-launch, but what with the hype being generated launch may be sooner than I anticipated. Of course, my original guess was no sooner than September with launch between Halloween and Turkey weekend, so I will probably be correct. We'll see.

1:10 now, gonna chill here till about 1:30 then go for another check, maybe start typing this weeks journal bits.

Time passes

Here we are "at work". I'm so incredibly hungry. I'm going to have soup and bread now. It's ok. I've got "extra" bread I need to eat up anyways or it will go bad. I'll have some bread and salami later.

Got a phone interview set up for next Thursday. Not anything to get excited about. It's low pay (if I recall) and part time, but it will help get me at least some monies.

Um... that's it for now. Time for dinner #1, hehe.

Time passes

Over estimated my salami eating ability I think. Normally I've been eating $1 from the deli per sandwich, typically getting $2-2.5 at a time. The last time I was there, in order to cut costs, I went with a Summer sausage type salami. It's about 7" long, not sure how thick, but fooooo, I ate maybe 1/7th of it. Part will likely go bad before I finish. I expected only 4-5 sandwiches worth.

It's so hard to be a single person and eat cheaply. The frozen chicken tenders I do are easy enough to control, but most things aren't sold cheaply in small amounts. Bread is huge unless you get rolls, which are expensive. Rice-a-Roni feeds 2-3 depending, so you have to save those if you cook that up. Salad, I don't know about others, but if I get a bag of salad it lasts me more than a week. (About 5 meals worth.) Tough enough cooking single style, even more so since things aren't sold single style unless it's something like a microwave dinner.

So tired. I may go to bed early tonight... well to car. I won't have school to nap at in the morning. I doubt they would patrol the lot. I was somewhere this morning (different place than either of my normal school spots) from 7-10 and didn't see anyone, but I probably shouldn't risk it if the computer lab is closed. I may start going to rest sooner since I need to be out of public areas by the time it starts getting light. And next week is the last week before the school computer lab is shut down till September 22nd. I know the church has visitors by 9. Drove by it one day at that time. Never seen anyone at the ~6:30-7:00 time I've been leaving, but still.

Still no word from that homeless shelter. I guess it doesn't matter since I don't have the $300 spare they would require me to save per month. I still don't understand how that would help me move in somewhere since the lowest rent for a one bedroom around here is about $1200 a month. (Lower down south about 1/2 hour from here.) Lowest shared housing single room costs are about $650 with the average closer to $750-800.) Right now that's more than I earn (the $300) and when I had $300 more per month I'd really need to reactivate my credit card payments.

Well, hopefully soon I'll at least get more hours somewhere and not have to worry about credit card payments. But, as always, until I do I wait...

Day 39 - 8/9

Early, 8:35. Driving around a bit it seems a few local churches were unoccupied, so my church spot should be safe till around 8. I still suspect I should get out of there around 6:30 (when I normally wake up these days) due to Sunday service. I know nothing of church things, but I suspect I'd need to be out of there sooner on Sundays.

There were some people there when I got there at 10:30 last night, which is very unusual. They didn't leave till around 11:15. I've been there several times before at 10 and 10:30, so it must have been a special event they were setting up or taking down.

I'm going to see if I can get in on Clone Wars Friday night. It will have to be a late show, due to being at dumb work that day. That's super sad. Yet another big premier party I'll no doubt miss. If, by some miracle, I got a high paying job that was 25+ hours I'd consider quitting before the premier so I could go. But... well, I really do need to get as much as I can right now. Even at 35k a year I should probably still keep my piddly $250 a month Friday thing till I've secured a spot in a place, build up the extra monies while I have nothing else to do with my time but work. It's not like it's hard. Hell, I could pretty much sleep through the shift. The guys would wake me if they really needed anything. *sigh* Just another fun life event I'm missing due to my situation. I don't so much mind things like Stargate Atlantis and Ghost Hunters not being online, as I can catch up via NetFlix later. It's these events that are one time things that I miss that make me sad.

Welp, not really anything more to write about right now. One hour at the Sunnyvale library coming up, 12+ hours of Golfland network, Panda Express for dinner hopefully, have to check out monies. I'm pretty low again. That's it today.

Oh, I did get an eight pack of pens in Target for teh cheap; $1. Heh 8x the pennage as the sex pen. If they last half as long I'll be happy. Saw some $4 shirts too. Not tank tops, not t-shirts, the kind of sleeveless things, but still square look. I need some new shirts like that. My old ones got worn out. Often when I'm home I'll wear that and sweatpants.

Getting pretty warm today so far. Maybe the cold is going away again. That would be nice. I like warm Summers. Of course, what with being homeless, no money, and no friends, it really isn't much of a Summer.

Time passes

Goin' medieval on lunch. Bite it! Bite the salami! RAR! Helped out a couple of people on the boards, yeeeaaa for saving people money and making better choices. No job stuff. Zero new posts since yesterday to apply to. Not surprising for the weekend.

Got a spot at Golfland. Not many people here today. The lot is basically full, but there are hardly any golfers.

I reserved some money for Clone Wars. Going to eat into food money to do it, but that's a good trade. I love Star Wars. Gonna have to be a pretty late show. I'll likely miss all the fun. I decided not to actually buy the ticket yet though. I have this vague recollection of tickets not going on sale 'till five days in advance. So, Monday I'll get the ticket. Though it will take a bit of gas I'll drive over and buy it in person to be sure I get the mega theater. Maybe there will still be some silly costume fun to be had at the late show. Last time I went to a Star Wars movie there was a while ago. It was for the re-release, well, new version, of Episode 4, 5 and 6. I didn't go to Episode 1 or 2 (premier) because I went later with my ex-roommate, who refuses to go to movies unless it's been several weeks.

Tummy doesn't like this salami so much, too greasy. That tends to be the case with all salami though. Maybe I'm getting an old person's tummy and have to basically give up salami. *sighs at getting older*

Where is my Star Wars Blu-ray with uncompressed audio? That's what I want to know. The first few new movies (Episode 1 and 2) pushed high-def film making, so we know they are up to snuff, but where are they? It seems odd to me they haven't released yet, or even to my knowledge been announced yet for blu-ray.

Time passes

Random thought, mostly for my records; Do they make cammo shorts? I'd think not officially, because, well, duh, but a civilian outfit may. Sky or a desert cammo shorts would be cool. I should get a new pants plus a second pants when I get some monies. Not jungle though. I prefer non-traditional style. Not that orange either. I prefer the ones that could actually serve as cammo; Sky blue, City/Urban, Midnight tiger, Desert cammo, Electric blue.

Time passes

The lot is down to 1/2 full, odd for an early Saturday afternoon. The big thing has some Maxrider/Gamevision logos on it now, in addition to nine game options with pictures. It looks like it's a "3d" ride/game that bounces you around. I should be able to get a pretty good peek at what's going on, as it also has about a 30" LCD on the outside and an 8" LCD. I'm guessing the big one will show the people bouncing around and the little one is likely for game selection / debugging. Looks fun enough. Those things tend to make me motion sick, heh.

Time passes

I'm so very sad right now. I have lost, and likely will never find, my USB Flash drive cap. It seems silly and trivial, I know, but I recently discovered I lost something else as well (my headphone jack to receiver adapter). Including these two things, that makes three or four things I've lost in my life total ever. It seems stupid and trivial and I'll laugh about this later, but right now I'm so sad. I was almost cry sniffling there for a bit. It's like my life is totally completely shifting out of my control and now I'm losing little things, things that are pieces of me. It feels like what little I have left is slipping away more and more and what is/was me is being lost and more and more is replaced with empty nothing, or further adaptation towards a more lingering, possibly semi-permanent state of homelessness.

The task of getting first, last, deposit (roughly $2,500) coupled with the total lack of any jobs what-so-ever over the past 6 months is starting to make me very sad and unstable. I haven't been able to get $300-400 more a month to restart my credit card payments and get a bit more food, let alone the additional $1750 a month above what I make now to meet my minimum bills per month. (That doesn't count roughly $750 more per month to start paying back student loans.)

Such a small and trivial thing shouldn't be an issue, but right now these lost items feel like very big parts of what I was, what I am, what little I have left to hold onto, has been lost forever. More and more of me being lost, never to be the same again.

Day 40 - 8/10 - Dreamscape

It's the good morning time, 9:00. I'm sad I woke up needing to pee at like 6. I was having nice dreams with a love interest sweetie played by Eliza Dushku. At first we were at my first house. The sweetie had snuck in to sleep over. We were both naked, but she had to wait for snuggly sleepy time because I had to put the bed together - no doubt my homeless state creeping into the dream. It transitioned to some kind of summer event at the beach. I was there with a new friend and an old friend (the one I mentioned someone looked like at Golfland). I was laying down in the sand because it was super comfortable. (Normally I find most sand too biting for my taste.) The sweetie came by, saw me, and immediately / happily / hurriedly lay down next to me for hellos and snuggling.

I found an ok post church rest spot. It's some kind of tennis area. Very few people go there, maybe half a dozen at a time. I can park slightly further away from them and be undisturbed. I rested there from 6:30 to 8:15 today and about 6:15 to 7:30 yesterday.

Killing time at Target now. Washed my parts, shaved, and had a couple of handfuls of cereal. About 1 hour till Golfland network is on, 2 more after that till I can mess around for an hour. I thought of going to the 2 hour city library, but it's very close to here and if I move over to Golfland it's about a 3 mile trip. Nothing really big in terms of gas, but with only about 2-3 gallons in my tank to last until Thursday morning I want to be as sparing as I can. Got about $20 in my wallet, but that has to cover food for tonight, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. So I want to be as gas conservative as I can so I don't need to drop food cash in there.

I've decided, since it's day, to try and look for my cap. There are only two spots it could be, so hopefully I can find it. The places should be closed when I look, so there shouldn't be any cars parked around where it may be, leaving the area free to search.

That's it for today so far. No plans, hopes, or expectations. Job stuff never moves Sunday, so my city library time is all I have to look forward to, and the Golfland network my only real source of entertainment. The Target and Best Buy channel just isn't as interesting (and when the lot starts to fill up larger cars block out my view.) Plus, how interesting is it watching people go to/from their cars with groceries. Nowhere near as entertaining as happy mini-golfers.

*taps papers on desk* In weather news it's sunny and warm, better get those shorts on. Yesterday was breezy in the afternoon, not unlike a beach town, could go that way again today.

Ok that really is all I got for now, hehe.

Time passes

Poop! I completely forgot Golfland doesn't open 'till noon Sunday. I guess I'll be watching the Best Buy channel 'till then. They don't even open for another 40 minutes. There is already a crazy line here. I wonder if they have weekly sales on Sunday or something. Guess I could go in and pee when they open, see if they have the Asus Eee PC 1000 or MSI Wind to check out their keyboard size. Though the Wind would be for size only...

Ah, another Wii craze. A peep is saying she will give out tickets for Wii Fit or the Wii system, but she has no Mario Karts. A true testament to the system that everywhere I've been here now (3? 4? weeks) there has been a line for Wii stuffs. I never saw a line anywhere for the PS3 at launch and I camped three stores for nearly a month every few days to get it. I miss my Wii. I'd love Wii Fit. My ex-roomie had it and it looked fun. Plus, as I mentioned I've been trying to get back down to the 170 pound range. I wonder if it will ever get downloadable add-ons or an expansion.

No USB cap at the major or minor possible locations. If I lost it where I think I lost it, it is likely gone for good. There are several drains near where I lost it, so it could have easily gone down, or been run over and bounced into a drain. I peeked down, but didn't see it. Though that doesn't mean it isn't down there.

Well, at least if I start to recover soon I know where, and when, to look for Wii Fit - Best Buy, Sunday, get in line before 10:30, ideally around 10.

I'm glad I put my shorts on today. The sun is all up in my passenger seat where I was sitting (it was shaded when I first got here) and foooo I was actually sweating a touch on my legs. I'd guess it's near 78-80 in the sun and maybe 75 in the shade? Only a very slight breeze so far. Not much to do when it opens for real (opening early for line people), but at least I can get the current Wii Fit price. Last I saw people were ebaying it at like $150, which is just crazy talk. I'd say it's not worth more than $100.

Time passes

Yeah, with tax it would be just under $100. So that's a fair price. Tried to help someone in the store. He was looking at laptops and I posed the always important question, "Do you really need a laptop?" He was saying he just got his previous laptop about a year ago and it's outdated, so I pointed out that's the greatest flaw with them - they are outdated the minute you buy them because they can't be upgraded. Apparently he didn't want to go with a desktop because, "everything is all in one box" with a laptop. Sure, I suppose, but for a gamer, which he said he was, who doesn't need mobility, it just doesn't make sense. You are pretty guaranteed these days to be technologically outdated on several features in about 1.5 years, and functionally obsolete for new games within about 4. Ah well, can't help everyone.

I did manage to help someone else though. The older male child of a four person family, probably about 10 years old or so, said, "Dad, look! Special edition Serenity." I noted dad was holding a MSG4 version PS3 and I said, "You don't want that version. Wait for the Blu-ray" and chatted to them for a few minutes about the Blu-ray Firefly / Serenity. hehe

Welp, that killed 1/2 hour. A guy checked stock / inventory for me. Apparently without the 1000H / Wind listed they will never get it, so I have no way to check the larger keyboard. The smaller versions are certainly cramped. I don't really need high typing speed. I could two-finger type if it's cheap enough. (The cheaper versions are around $400 vs. $600 (when not on sale)). We'll see how money goes. Right now about the only thing I can plan is maybe I may get enough for my b-day for Wii Fit. But, with no place to play not much point in that.

Time creeps forward...

Time passes

Had a good time in the library , felt normal-like. Got some kind words from someone I've spoken too before on the Hellgate boards about my sad homeless time. I guess he had a similar sad time back in the early 80s. I remember those days. The world is a very different place. We didn't have cell phones, job searching was done by newspaper, or in person. A world without cell phones and Internet access seems so strange to me now, yet I've only been online for about 15 years. It seems so odd to remember how much nothing I used to do back in the day. There were advantages though. Back when your community did something, like a carnival came to town, it was a huge deal and everyone went and there was a much tighter local community - you knew your neighbor. Now, everything is global and people often don't know their neighbors. As a sociologist I often wonder if this is a bad thing. But, with a stronger social network people should have an easier time in life; more help finding friends jobs, helping move, helping if someone needs shelter, or they become disabled in some way and needs attention (such as broken leg, or tending due to cancer, etc.) I guess it's a trade really.

I spent some time reading through magazines. The reviewers in one seem to love Soul Calibur. I've heard nothing but good things online (save for the Star Wars characters, which I knew would be meh.) There were a few reviews of the Eee PC and MSI Wind. More confirmations reviewers don't like the small keyboard size of the older Eee PC (versions before the 1000) and other confirmations that the MSI Wi-Fi connection is often found lacking. I will almost certainly pass on the MSI Wind unless I've heard that issue was cleared up.

My primary job searching site wasn't really working. It's ok, as there are rarely any posts Sunday. Oddly I connected long enough to find a really good looking part time office position. I'd much rather have a good/happy part time something at a good pay than an unhappy full time something at fair pay. I suppose I will always be like that - a desire for emotional overcompensation over pay overcompensation. I'd rather have only a little extra money and be happy with my job and hours (in terms of work times) than extra money, but work too many hours, particularly if it's overtime week after week, or not be happy with what I'm doing. Maybe... well I was going to say maybe that's why I'm where I am, but my last job, the online customer support / tech support one was the first I was really happy with. So I suppose I've never had an overabundance in either direction.

Anyways, snack nom going on. Running low on food, but I should be fine till Thursday morning when pay flips. If I think of anything else to say I'll ramble on. Hope your days are going better and more interesting than mine, or at least that you find teh rabb1t ramblings amusing.

Time passes

Zomg! My USB flash cover thing! I was sitting here thinking I really need to vacuum and wash my car, thinking if I do I should check areas before doing so, and I look down wondering if it were maybe on the floor and it was! I'd thought of checking the floors before, but it was very unlikely to be in the car, so I didn't bother then forgot to later. So there you go, sometimes what you are looking for can be found when you aren't expecting it and in a place you don't expect it. (A philosophy I've had about love for quite some time. )

Day 41 - 8/11

Guess I'll start today. I was hoping to wait for something interesting, but nothing so far. Since I mentioned it, I saw about a dozen people with cammo shorts. No jobs worth applying for / that I'm qualified for. I'd almost think it was still the weekend with as few posts as there are. Hopefully it will pick up later.

I have such the massive headache. I don't know why. I'm guessing stress, as this being Monday it's yet another week I've not been called or offered a job. Odd though as my body would stress on Monday as opposed to Friday. Maybe it's a reaction to the repeated Monday frustration of needing to look for something instead of just knowing I'm scheduled to go work at x time.

No Clone Wars tickets at the theater I want yet. I guess they don't go on sale 'till tomorrow? Good thing I didn't drive down on the weekend. I'm super low on gas and had to drop half my cash into my tank. I may need to put in even more. I may have to un-reserve the movie ticket money and wait to buy my ticket 'till Thursday morning. I'll think on that more as the day goes on and we enter tomorrow since it appears I can't buy one today either way.

One and a half hours of access left today, but I'm going to chill here for 15 minutes since I just left the lab. There are 1 hour timers, so it's kind of rude to stay in there and just refresh. Well, ok, it's totally rude. I've only ever done that a few times ever, and only when the place is completely empty.

After my school time I'll go get some more Pepsi (from the ex-garage) and rinse off my car. I hope the vacuum is in the garage so I can do that too. Last time I was over there it wasn't in the garage.

That's it so far. Good board help... oh there was the Star Trek Online video up. I peeped that. Same design under Cryptic's wing as before - FPS / ship-to-ship focus. Not sure how into that I would be. I'd much prefer an old-school Classic Trek feel with a more traditional RPG style.

But yeah, so far the usual helping on boards, no jobs to apply for, no replies yet. Gotta try and stay positive though. It only takes one good job offer, right?

Time passes

Ug. I seem to have gotten sick. I washed and vacuumed the car. Pretty clean now, but I was/am sweating and panting and feel sick to my stomach. I was sneezing a few times earlier and somewhat sniffly, but I didn't recognize that + headaches as being sick. Often I sneeze and have difficulty breathing / have congestion due to allergies, but add on migraines and I'm likely sick. No one seems to be around where I'm parked. As soon as these people next to me leave I'll take my shirt off for a cool down. There is a nice breeze, so I should cool quickly. Oh, wtf, these people are just sitting here with their engine running. They've been there 5+ minutes in their huge SUV monster truck junk. Stop flipping through your restaurant coupon book and wasting gas and gib the monies to me!!11!! All these parking lots on the weekends and evenings likely isn't doing me much good either. People like this sitting around me polluting up the air and I have no choice but to breath that crap in. Hate to close the window. They've been there literally like 10 min. Finally. Sheesh. Dummy-heads.

My USB cap will be lost for good one day. It's all lose fitting now. It slides mostly off at the drop of a hat.

So get this, this is good for a rofl. The lady that replied to my reply to her ad from her iPhone emailed me today wanting to set up an interview. That already happened *checks* just over two weeks ago. It's like, sorry, your guy interviewed me two weeks ago and basically wanted an experienced bouncer/orderly. I replied to her email asking if she was the one I already interviewed with, as I'm only 95% sure it was her. (Same name, same mention of what was in the ad.) I guess there is an infinitely small chance she is not the same person. I haven't applied for any troubled teen type positions since then.

I wonder if my feeling sick is due to the salami or bread. Five days isn't that old for bread, but it has been exposed to the elements the whole time. Maybe I should trash the last sandwich worth that I have. Finished out the salami, so I don't have to worry about that, but I guess that has been open un-refrigerated for about 4 days (this being #4). Though that was sealed in Tupperware, so it wasn't really exposed.

Hopefully I'll feel better by this evening. Gonna eat a cheesy beefy thing for teh cheap, like $.90. Gotta keep costs down for the next few evenings unless I suddenly get a donation (which takes a few days to flip to my account).

Time passes

Fell asleep there for 15 minutes. Did some large burps just now. It may have been the salami. I have to remember to stick to roast beef, pastrami, and ham from now on. Though only the first two would likely be ok a day or so without a fridge. Ham goes bad pretty fast in the open.

For teh lolz I looked up Eee PC and Warcraft. I found a video of someone who got WoW to run on the Eee PC. Heh. Apparently if you do some pain in the butt install stuff, if you tweak/overclock the system, it's playable in open areas at about 8 FPS at 800x600 resolution. hehe. I'd think though that you should be able to hook it directly up to a desktop, or at least a router, via the Ethernet and have it show up as a system on a network. Then I don't see why you couldn't just install to it through the desktop. Hopefully I won't be homeless much past September and my launch prediction is accurate and I can be happily back in WoW via desktop in a home before launch though. I'd be more likely to just skip launch and wait if I was still homeless than I would to play via an Eee PC. But, heh, interesting to see it could be done.

Time passes

Kids are funny, but they make you think. The other night, I guess it was last night, seems so long ago, I was at In-n-Out nomming cheezburger. I'm sitting on a stool and there is another stool next to me. This little girl, probably like four, comes up, puts her arms/hands on the stool, props herself up/forward so she's like 1.5 feet from my nom. You know, way into 'my personal space bubble' as small kids do, and I'm like ? as I'm nomming. She giggles, backs down to her feet, props herself up again and I'm like ?? and she asks, "What does salt taste like?" And I'm all, "You don't know what salt tastes like?" And she's like, "No. *giggle*" I ponder for a bit and I can't think of any way to describe it. I have an area I spilled some on my napkin on the counter and I point to it and say, "Stick your finger there and try some." She giggles and her slightly older brother has seen. I'd guess he's like six or so, covers her mouth and says something like, 'No. Come on Naiomi.' and gently pulls her back while she's giggling. Made me really think though. I would have a very hard time describing most food items to someone. It's like similar items, like yellow/orange pepper vs. red pepper vs. green pepper, if a person was familiar with one, maybe. But something like salt... hum.

Day 42 - 8/12 - My culture

Lunch time nom, 11, not much left to eat. A few single sized chip bags, a couple handfuls of bread. Should be enough Pepsi to last without too much issue. I wouldn't need quite so much if the water around here wasn't yuuuccck.

Here is an odd thought, and I suppose this is fairly rare and due to my growing up an only child with effectively no parental interaction and very few friends. I'm thinking how I really need to go see Clone Wars, and many of you have likely already questioned my choice to sacrifice a bit of food and gas flexibility to do so, but here's the thing, this is a really big deal to me. In a way it's home. What I mean by that is whenever anyone asks my cultural or ethnic background I look at them puzzled and will often reply that I don't have one, but in truth I do - one of Sci-Fi. See, I grew up on Sci-Fi. When I was young I watched cartoons like Superfriends and Batman & Robin, the live action Batman, Star Trek ("Classic" series), the original Battlestar Galactica, Buck Rogers. It's these shows and movies like Star Wars that are my true cultural background. My morals, ethics, and beliefs, were formed from the examples of the Superfriends, Battlestar Warrior code of honor, the Prime Directive, and the Jedi code. When I think of my father, picture him in my head, I picture Adam West. Batman and James T. Kirk were more of a father to me than my real dad. To me, it isn't just a movie, these aren't just characters, they are old and dear friends I've spent my entire life with who I identify with far more than my family of origin or any kind of ethnic heritage. I'm likely one of possibly only a few who think and feel this way. It's hard to describe, but to me, these series speak more about who I am at my core being, what I value and believe, than any real world background I've ever known or had.

Time passes

Good news / Bad news with Clone Wars. It seems the only evening shows on Friday are right during my shift. I called to ask some questions and only got a machine. But, the machine did reveal sekret infoz - there is a Thursday showing at midnight. Woot! Teh sekret midnight premier show. I will have no choice though but to drive down there to buy the ticket, as that one isn't listed or sold online. I'll likely go early, probably like 7 and grab dinner on the way. Hum. People will likely start partying and lining up at like 5 after work. Maybe I'll go a bit earlier, like 6. It's not like I'd be doing anything else at that time, just be sitting at Golfland. So, woot! Provided they haven't sold out I can has premier party with the crazy fun peeps.

We are all a little crazy though in some way. Some obsess over certain things, some are really fussy/picky about something, some have to do a certain thing a certain way or at a certain time. We are all at least a little imbalanced off of "normal".

Well, couple hours left here, nearly three I guess, then I'll go look into those early tickets.

I did a last check from the city library last night. So, I did school checks from 10-3 then a 1 hour peek around 6 at the city library. I'll likely do that this week. It allows me to catch any later afternoon job postings. Next week I lose my school access, so I'll change up my routine to 2 hours at the Cupertino library in the morning then the 1 hour late day check at the Sunnyvale one. Suck will ensue though as many computers can't copy and paste, which drastically increases my application time, not to mention I can't run GoLive so I'll lose web updating ability completely.

Well, at least a bit of good news there. As you may have guessed by my not mentioning it yet, we are nearing 12:30 and there were zero jobs in my areas to apply to.

Time passes

Woot! I can has ticket. Couple of bucks cheaper than I reserved, so there is that to use for gas should I need it. It wasn't at the mega huge uber theater though. I really hope it's not a sucky one. All the fun will happen Thursday / Friday though, so it's my chance at fun. The ticket girl said that during Harry Potter the line didn't get crazy till 10:30, so maybe I won't go till around 7. Like I said, once I do my last job check I've got nothing to do but sit somewhere. May as well be there at the theater, right?

Well, that's it for now. Just thought I'd share my woot.

Time passes

Dinner nom on the cheezy beef thing. I decided to get two, since last night one was like 90% filling and I am totally hungry. The problem is 1.25 made me 110% full, so now I'm 2/3 done with the second one and like 120% full.

There are many tasty looking things at Taco Bell. I may try the $1 taco thing tomorrow. It has sauce though. I think I mentioned how (plasma) sauce makes me There are several tasty looking meal options for teh cheap though. It may be a decent cost reducer to the $6 of In-n-Out or Panda Express.

That's it for this section. Nothing new from my final library checks. Just a nom update.

Um. That's it. k thx bye.

Time passes

Foooo, I'm tired. Not just sleepy tired, but exhausted from continually being out in the world bombarded by stimuli tired. If I ever get a chance to afford a hotel room that would be so awesome. I'd soak/tend my poor feets, take a long bath/shower, tend/shave/super clean all my parts, hang out neked and watch TV. Most importantly, I'd sleep in. At least I hope I would. Sometimes I have had a hard time sleeping in unfamiliar places. And, what with my allergies, I can sometimes be allergic to hotels - specifically the bed sheets. Odd and true story; I'm allergic to white soap. Something in any soap or laundry detergent (a type of soap, so duh) which is white in color can make me break out. Mild reaction is just a red color, then little bumps, and the worst case I've ever had (when I first discovered the allergy) was massively red / sensitive raised areas on my skin. (Think multiple bumps that become so numerous they create a plateau.)

When I was last homeless exactly eight years ago (first 2/3 of August) I had money, roughly 4k if I recall after getting my car, and a motor cycle for a vehicle through half and my first Geo Tracker through the other half (my first car I bought myself). Since I had money then I was staying in hotels. About 3/4 of the places caused me to rash to some degree. So, hopefully, if I do stay somewhere for a night this time it won't happen. Oddly there are about three new hotels in the immediate area. (I'd guess within a three mile radius of where I hung out then and now.)

Not much really interesting there I guess. Mostly just exhausted beyond exhausted and rambling, and mentioning my odd white soap allergy.

I have some tiny bumps on the bottom of my arms is what made me think of it. I think I rested my arms on something I'm allergic to - my car is white, ha! Seriously though, gonna have to not put them on the doors when the windows are open. I think that's what's causing it. Plus, the top half of my arms have a like Cuban tan, while the bottom half is sit at home white guy. (Disclaimer: I have no idea what a Cuban tan is, just sounded like something a vacationer might say, heh. )

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008, 2009
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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