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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Day 127 - 11/5 - Eeep for flirting

So far today is yet another sad days. No news of jobs, though I put out about four resumes. No word from anyone wanting to be friends or sweeties. Just a super sad / depressed day for me so far.

I saw a really gorgeous strawberry blond in line behind me to micro foods. (She had a micro noodle thing.) I really wish I could have turned to her and said, "Our food sucks. What do you say I buy us lunch?" I almost flirted at her and asked about her knee things she had on (like pad / support things) or comment on the Blizzard sweater I noticed she was wearing, but I was too sad. So much flirting at cuties lately with zero results. Maybe on the way out I'll give her a note and candy. She seemed a bit sad.

That's it really so far. Money from dad could turn things around, but that can't happen for 4 hours.

Time passes

Eeep! I flirted. I'm such a silly shy bunny sometimes. Heart was all thumpity thump. She was in this downstairs area, and she kind of turned her head towards me as I came down the stairs. That's a good sign, like she sensed a something in me as I approached. I gave her a note and candy and said, "I have to flirt at you, then run away because I'm shy." She giggled and said 'k thanks'. I doubt anything will come of it. She's young, I've seen her with a few guys before, and she has a ring. It is a heart ring, facing out, so it is doubtful it's an official engagement ring. But, I think it's Celtic lore that has a ring like that. Pointing out means you are single, in towards your heart and you are taken. (I think.) Anyways... eep for flirting. I guess you never know what may come of things.

Sad as I am / was I guess at least that was a gentle hug from Fate saying not to give up hope.

Time passes

The cutie wrote me an email, hehe. During lunch even. Seems I was right about several things. I was right she has a guy. Sad for me, good for them. I was right she seemed kind of down. She's been really super sick lately. She doesn't play WoW though. She stole the sweater from her boyfriend who did, hehe. Seems she may be a gamer though, as she did mention another game she did/does play. She nommed the Kit Kat, hehe. She seems pretty religious though. Not sure if there is a match there. She seems pretty friendly though and invited me to do a fun thing with her church group. I'm not really into church group things, being a Fatalist and all. I always feel odd on holy ground - welcome and unwelcome. Plus it's on Friday, which is the one regular day I work. Oh and she agreed our lunches sucked, hehe. She's pretty poor too though. No return email to my reply, but she likely went to class. Time will tell if I see more. We bla blaed about a few things, and she seems to be in a period of her life where she is maybe questioning her faith. I told her about Epic Fail, as a half a dozen peeps have said it's gotten them through their hard times. Maybe that's why I was sent to her.

Put out a couple more applications. Kind of like the old days now. I think I've put out like five today. Some just for part time things, but, well, that's more than no applications I suppose.

I've been feeling sick since lunch. You know, I'm going to throw away the micro container I have. I got a two pack of (disposable) plastic containers weeks ago. I suppose they may be contaminated at this point. It could be that's why I have been feeling sick so much lately. I think when I get my monies though I'll buy several different soups. Some were on sale for $1 or $1.50 so a bit more expensive than my normal $0.50 - 0.60, but I think tummy needs a break. It's just after 2:15, about 1.5 hours till I can check for dad's money and head to the other campus.

I'm very tempted to get cheezburger after class. The eye doc money is still in my account so it should be safe as that shouldn't disappear and the cheezburger charge appear before tomorrow morning when I get paid. I'll have to ponder that more, and obviously it depends on if dad's money is here later or not. If his money shows up then I'm definitely getting an actual meal of some kind tonight.

Um... that's all I can think of for now.

Time passes

Got out of class early around 8. It should be the same for the next couple of Wednesdays. I came back to hang in the cafeteria for a bit. It's a disaster area in here. It's like no one swept the floors all day. I should be working on my project that's due next week, but I just can't focus on school outside of school time. And even then it's difficult to focus. If I were in a home I'd be all over it. Normally I mix fun and school studying quite well, but with being homeless... it's very difficult to feel positive and happy enough to focus on school. Plus, I have no resources really. I have no books, any web stuff I do is pretty much timed or rushed feeling due to others. Bleh. I feel like I'm all 'poor me, poor me' right now, but it's tough. You'd think it would be easy to focus on school and do what I need to do, but I can't really. My worry and lack of private quiet time bleeds into everything. It's like I'm trying to relax and entertain myself how I can, but it's like a bucket full of holes. (Worry are the holes.) It seems despite how I try, it can't be filled. And without that bucket being filled I can't progress to the next. Heh, if I could talk about it my theory actually addresses this very issue. Eventually I'll be ok. Eventually I'll recover. I wonder if it can really be done on your own.

I think about when you are a teen and your parents expect you to leave the nest and "make it on your own" - how many really can? Everyone I know moved in with friends or sweeties. So many think being on your own is easy, yet lately I've been wondering how many actually are. The only ones I've ever heard of actually being on their own (and doing really ok), and 'making it' as it were on their own, were the ones who made lots of money, and they never seemed very happy.

Not sure where this was going. I actually got interrupted in the middle with chatting with someone. I guess I'm just saying be aware of your connection with and to others. There may be far more people in that web than you realize.

Day 128 - 11/6 - Anticipating the Lich King

Let's see... where to start. It's 12:30. I'm in the cafeteria. Everyone is here for teh nom. It's totally noisy. I got some chicken strips, Pepsi, soups, and a mixed chips bag at the store. Oh damn. I forgot to look for Animal Crackers. I got different soups than normal. Not too much more expensive than normal, so my tummy should be ok with the variety. I'll be doing laundry in 3 hours, so there is that to look forward to. Sadly it looks like a good portion of my pics from series 3 may not be viewable. I can peep that after lunch. Well, from four on they should all be ok, as the flash is automatic.

I paid off the rest of the collectors Lich King I ordered. They are doing a midnight launch at that store, so I'll announce which store I'll be at if any rabb1t fans want to say hi. Sadly I'll just be opening it, checking the contents, then taking it right to storage. I suppose if a miracle happens I could still be a somewhere to play at launch, but with launch now only a matter of days away that's just about impossible.

I saw half of Bones. The player got kind of stuck and no amount of reloads would continue or connect to the site. Watched all of Knight Rider. It's going to be awesome when we see KARR for real. They mentioned him and showed new school pictures. I knew they would bring him back eventually. Lots of woot there for the fans of the original series.

Um... I guess that's it really. I put out one low level application, but that's it for jobs so far. Somewhat better mood from seeing my pay check clear ok this morning, but now it's half spent already. Plus, with no Halloween money from dad yesterday I'm getting worried that may be a sign he's not sending any. I guess normally there is a 25% chance he won't, but he didn't mention anything about sending it late, nor did he send an email card, so it's very unusual to not even get a card of some kind.

Hum. This is kind of interesting. I've never noticed most groups in here seem to be groups of three or more. I'm almost always one of only a few singles, but I never noticed how few pairs there were. I wonder if that's because most single or pair groups don't come in to the cafeteria or for some other reason. (Like they join or are joined by others.) Makes the sociologist in me curious about lunch eating habits. Who goes in to meet whom, or with whom, or is joined by whom, heh. I've heard in other countries people who are solo often join other solos, but here in the states it's considered kind of an invasion of space or that you are a crazy person for joining someone you don't know.

Um... guess that's all for now. Probably have more bla bla for you later.

Time passes

Damn. Lots of important pictures are missing upon reflection of ones I've not seen. We are missing the (late) b-day pizza, day 100 pizza, some cute kitten pictures, only some of them when they are bigger seem to have come out. Those are just the ones I know are missing. *sigh*

Well, hopefully we won't have to worry about that from series four on, as the flash is automatic.

Time passes

My poor feet bottoms are all smooshed flat. I guess that's from all my walking and traveling on non-carpeted surfaces. They hurt all the time when I step, like I'm walking right on the bone with no footpads. I hope they can recover quickly after I start to get re-established. Hurting feets makes me a saaad bunny.

Doin' laundry. I may get some free time. A dryer is blinking "select cycle". Could be someone put in some monies and didn't activate it for some reason.

Meh TV to watch. Shows I don't watch are on. All my favorite shows that were on at this time are so far into repeat I don't even get repeats of repeats.

Time passes

Pretty bored here at mini-work. At least it doesn't suck in a bad way, heh. Let's see. What to talk about... I set up the web and .pdf shell for picture series three. All I need are the modified pictures and it's ready to go. Unfortunately, unless that miracle occurs the first chance to do that won't be till Wednesday.

My mind keeps lingering on the Steampunk convention. I hope the pictures come out ok. They should be fine what with the auto flash and all. Seven pictures remain for series four, then I can get it developed... provided I have money. I didn't have time to check for dad money earlier, and there isn't much point checking until tomorrow on my way to work. Hopefully that will come and my plans will be ok. If not picture development would be one of the 'on hold' items.

I'm kind of confused though why the school I can do the pictures at is closed Monday. According to the calendar here it's Tuesday that's the holiday. I need to ask at the campus I spend most of my time at if they are closed at all next week. Being a 'sister school' I've just assumed it would be closed Monday as well, but with the holiday being Tuesday I'm confused.

Lich King should be fun. I had so hoped I'd be going right home and installing it and playing, but I guess that isn't my path. Someone would have to effectively invite me to live with them for teh free - house and tend the poor lonely rabb1t 'till he's better. Odds of that are astronomical though.

About two hours to go. Guess that's all for tonight.

Time passes

Got chilly and a bit hungry so I went out to the car to grab a drink and chips. It could be a mistake, as this will be the third chips for the day. That's a ton of grease, but tummy wants a snack and likes the different flavors. Been pretty food starved the past few weeks or month, plus starved in general.

I think the only thing cooler than picking up Lich King and being able to play right after I got it home would be to have some friends over on the weekend for a mini-lan party and BBQ. Maybe set up Saturday late morning, play some, pause a bit for BBQ and a movie, then play a few more hours before bed. Have a sleep over then play till late afternoon Sunday. Or maybe have them set up and sleep over Friday night, play through Saturday. Have the BBQ around lunch, then pack up early evening. That way they would have Sunday to themselves and to sleep in. Sadly not at all an option for me, but I bet some out there will be doing exactly that. I do have a router with like four jacks. Normally I have my PC, PS3 and Wii hooked up. I have no idea if more than one PC can run at once without lag, but I'd think so. It has wireless, so I'd think it would support more than one PC.

It's fanciful thoughts though. I have no home. I have no friends. (Not counting my ex-roomie/friend and the rabb1t friend/fan I had lunch with, or obviously you rabb1t fans who are too far to meet locally.) Even if I were back in my old room it would get kind of cramped adding in a couple of other systems, heh. Of course, if you only have your system, monitor, mouse and keyboard it could be pretty compact. Usually it's the speakers that take up the most area.

Anyways. Hope some peeps out there have fun with the expansion at launch and beyond. It may be a long time before I can.

From the journal of ex-Marshal Gabriel Steel,

I think Black Bart is following me again. That damn fool mad boy is gonna get us both killed one of these days. He's beaten me to ghosts before - trapped them in one of his gizmos and used 'em to charge his inventions via "spectral essence". I think he's foolin' with forces that can't be contained. He's done some impressive work with that gun of his though. Blew a sealed mine entrance clean open. That's not a crime, as it was an abandoned and unclaimed mine, but one day he's gonna live up to his name. Not just because of how he dresses, but on account of what he's done. On that day our paths will cross in a bad way, and I aint lookin' forward to it. The law may have turned it's back on me because it wouldn't acknowledge the things in the dark, but there are things people do I just can't abide. Tarnished or not, the badge still hangs on my soul.

Day 129 - 11/7 - Neck spike

Had some tasty breakfast foods. It's around 10:50 now. Today seems to be warming up ok. It was reasonably chilly through the night but I slept ok with two shirt layers and just my sweat pants and socks. It's fairly quiet here in the cafeteria today, as usual for a Friday. So far I watched an episode of Ghost Hunters and Survivor. Bones is still not functioning.

I've messed my neck up pretty bad. It's like someone jammed a rod down the left side through my neck into my shoulder about 5" deep. I can hardly move it at all. Thankfully it doesn't hurt. It's just stiff and not happy to turn.

Not much to do today. Ran a job check, but there really weren't any posts yet, as per normal for a Friday. There was a counselor in the little computer room the other day that I helped. (She was trying to get set up on the network.) She said I should stop by the counseling center. Maybe I'll do that. Maybe she can help me find a job here on campus. That would r0x0r. Heck, at this point I wouldn't mind volunteering for a job I'd like to do for say 8 hours a week so I can show employer people others trust me to do the job.

Kind of a moderate mood today with underlying sadness. Happy because I'm getting Epic Fail out there and some have been helped by it. Happy I can keep thinking up new things to say to maybe help more. Happy Fate is moving me among people I can offer help to. But sad because I'm missing out on so many basic life pleasures.

Well, I think I'll see if I can find the counselor person then maybe watch some more shows, check more job sites, check fun boards, etc. Probably have some more bla bla around lunch, heh.

Time passes

I was asked by a higher functioning disabled person if I was in the military just now (due to my boots). It made me remember - I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful to learning disabled or autistic or otherwise 'different' people. As you readers may have noticed by now I use the term 'crazy' somewhat loosely to describe anyone acting out of the ordinary. I'm pretty crazy myself sometimes, hehe. So yeah, didn't mean to make anyone feel bad with those comments past, present or future. We all do the best we can with what the gods have given us.

Time to nom lunch, about 12:40 now. I still feel like someone spiked my neck, though it's loosening up a little bit. It's pretty warm now actually. I've taken off my jacket layers now and I'm down to just a t-shirt top layer. I went to see that counselor person and she is out. Guess I have to wait till Tuesday. The receptionist told me I couldn't be hired in their area unless I was a student, which technically I'm not.

Veteran's day is officially Tuesday, but this campus is closed Monday. Maybe the libraries will be open and I can at least get a few hours access there.

Um... that's really all that's new.

Oh, there is this odd thing - the past month or so I've randomly been singing. Pretty much just at times when I'm coming home from mini work or school. Not known songs, as I've mentioned before I don't really listen to songs, but like, I guess, 'thinking out loud' in song voice? Back in the day, from kindergarten to like sixth grade my private school made us do these things for parents. We always had to sing and do plays and skits and stuff for pretty much any holiday, so I've sort of gotten some training in projecting my voice and enunciation and all. I don't use it when normally talking. My 'singing voice' would likely stun most people. Sounds pretty good to me, hehe. But I find it odd. I don't listen to music. I've only turned the radio on during mini work to kill time or like if I'm at drive in dinner theater. So the suddenly 'burst into song' like I were in a musical and be all showman like seems odd. The only possible explanation is my subconscious is clinging to a deeper point in my mind to something that forces me to be confident, clear and proud of doing something that makes me feel... well... a bit silly.

I don't know... for the right salary I might just consider 'going into show biz'. I'm not very good at memorization though and repetition is pretty boring. Sure, sure, helping people with hardware recommendations seems like a lot of memorization and repetition, but it really is just a few dozen items, and each recommendation is actually more like solving a puzzle than straight repetition.

So yeah, that's come up lately and it's seemed very odd.

Oh, oh, oh, and in I guess good news my check engine light was finally off this morning. So, on for about a 48 hour period, now it's off again.

K. Now I really am out of lunch bla bla, hehe.

Time passes

Dang. Forgot to bring in my 'budget' paper with me to mini work. Making a new one - it's not like I've got much to track - figuring that I will get zero from dad, I should still be ok. I can't make a phone payment, but they haven't ever complained before. I've been behind to some degree pretty much this whole time now. Dad's money would have gotten me current.

It's really odd he didn't send anything at all. These past few years he's at least sent an e-card.

Oh, I did think of another way to get the pictures up quicker. I could rent a graphic station at a copy shop. But from what I recall of prices it would likely be cheaper just to make a special trip to the school campus, heh. I guess it's fine. Wednesday isn't too far off.

I guess the size the .pdf isn't all that big. I saw it say 2.8 meg last time I checked. I guess the 8 meg version I saw was just the full sized original file. Even after adding two more sets of pictures it should still be fine.

My neck is better... and worse. Rotation is mostly back to normal, but now it's like the metal spike is running from the top of my left shoulder almost horizontally across the back of my neck and into my other shoulder a bit. Hopefully it will be less bad in the morning. I've slept pretty decently the past few nights in the car in the sleeping spot and at school. That's a good thing I suppose, but it concerns me because if I get too comfortable I may not notice changes in people's patterns who may notice me. At school it's ok. Lots show up then take naps between or before classes. I'm likely still fine. I've been waking up before first light even though my alarm isn't set to go off till 1/2 hour or 45 minutes later. Moving to school early is almost always fine. I just can't really get there before 6 (weekdays) or then it looks a little suspicious.

It was warm today, but rapidly got chilly starting around 4. Hopefully I'll still have fair weather to sleep by for a bit. It would be sad if it went back to being super cold at night. Sad for those of us sleeping in our cars anyways.

Just over 3.5 hours 'till mini work is over, then it's the weekend. Which means little for me. *sigh* Monday will be strange. Campus is all closed, though I may stop in to see if the showers are open. Sometimes they are when the rest is closed. The (public) libraries are indeed closed on the official holiday, Tuesday, so I can do my old school 2 hour library in the morning and 1 hour at the other in the evening.

That's likely all the bla bla tonight. Night peeps.

Day 130 - 11/8 - Put your arms up like this

Let's see... it's nearing 4:10 and I didn't do much today. A whole lot of messing around. Good for a Saturday I guess, heh, but it doesn't make for a very interesting report.

The whole day my distance view has been reduced by a constant fog. Looks like while I was in the library it was raining a bit too. On the way to campus I picked up a big bread and lunch meat for sandwiches. I'm having a Pepsi and bread snack now. I'll be having Panda Express before Madagascar 2 in about 3 hours. My budget will be super tight without dad money, but I'm still holding out hope he sends something.

I chatted with the friendly librarian person again for a bit, tweaked my Death Knight talents and hotkeys a touch yet again, heh. Finally watched the last bit of Bones, read a bit more Girl Genius, and that's really about it.

I figure I'll just hang out here in the garage a bit since it's covered. No need to rush off to somewhere I'll just get rained on. Well, heavily sprinkled at the moment, heh.

Saturdays are a strange time for me. I can effectively sit for the 6 hours the library is open and pretty much do things very similar to what I'd do at home on my own computer - minus any game playing or creative work. Days like today pass fairly quickly. Yet the odd surroundings and different people pull me back to the public space. It's so odd to be torn between the old/regular me and this displaced/broken me. Guess there wasn't as much to say about that as I thought, heh. I'm still very much feeling shattered and broken, much like I did in the early days. I continue to adapt to the new patterns, survive day by day, but my life is still very much on hold. I've always said 'life is so much better shared' and now... these days I have so few to share with.

It's only 4:30 and the evening is rapidly growing cold. Normally I'd expect to be staying pretty warm in a car, my body heat warming it up. But this soft top does little to protect me, the cold floating right on in like an invited guest. For some odd reason I suddenly feel as if I'm perched on a gravestone overlooking a cemetery waiting for nightfall.

Hopefully it won't get too much colder as the night goes on. I can carry so little to keep me warm. Hopefully too Madagascar 2 will be full of win. I need to pick up the first one on Blu-ray for teh lolz someday.

Time passes

"From a past misfortune, good luck will come to you" (in bed). Hum...

Time passes

Just some quick notes 'before bed'. The check engine light has come on a few more times. Once for about 6 minutes then again for about 10, and just now when I neared the ex-house. It hasn't turned off by the time I got here at the night spot.

*mini spoiler* The story about baby Alex was sooooo cute. But then sooooo sad. But then you are like yeeeaaa when he finds his family. I liked the movie very much. Oddly there were hardly any people there. Could be because of the rain and wind.

I picked up my stuff from the garage after the movie and got pretty sad. It was like being kicked out all over again. It brought up my feelings about not understanding why I can't at least stay in the garage to stay safe, though I still haven't asked my friend/ex-roomie. But more so it made me think about the movie - about how your friends are important and finding friends and love. And it just made me wonder... how long will it be before I can find those things in my life again.

The wind is pretty mild. The rain has stopped. Maybe the clouds will hold in a touch of warmth for me.


Day 131 - 11/9 - Cloud phoenix

I got on campus super early. I guess just after 6. I went to my day spot figuring I wouldn't bother with a shower. I had a tough time getting extra rest. I guess I've only gotten 6.5 hours so far. I sit up and stretch a bit and see a car in the distance sitting at a turn for about 5 seconds. (They were sitting there when I got up, so they'd been still longer than that.) I put on my contacts (another 10 seconds pass) and confirm that it's a patrol car. He slowly pulls a direction that could enter into the main entrance of the parking lot (or go down a different path to go elsewhere). Now, it is true he could have seen my car, if I can see him he can see me, but it was impossible for him to have seen me when I was down, and very unlikely he could see me, the person, even when I was up. We were far enough away I'd have been a tiny speck of a thing in his overall field of vision. Still, being only 7 it was highly unusual for me to be in that lot (on a Sunday). So, I've scooted to a nearby shopping center for the time being. Nearer to 10 I'll go back and shower then move to the day spot. By 10 they have a few church groups on campus and my car won't be suspicious. Odd though. That's only like the second or third patrol I've seen all semester so far these past 2 or so months. I saw way more during the summer month for some reason.

I did get a bit of good news in the mail last night. The eye doc sent me a bill with a due date of about 2 weeks from now (a few days past 2 weeks actually). So the money reserved for the contacts I got can be used for other things and I can pay him later. That will balance me out after I've put off my phone bill. (Which I already needed to do.)

At this point I have to assume dad isn't sending anything at all. I suppose he just forgot or took a vacation somewhere or something, as he did pick up my e-card a few days before Halloween. At over a week past the event now it's just about impossible he simply sent the card a few days late. Well, turkey weekend is in a few weeks, and that one he never fails to send at least a small something. I should be able to catch up on my phone bill at that point. Sadly though my credit card bills continue to go unpaid. We are at something like 9-10 months unpaid on those now. I may seriously have to consider contacting my bill consolidation people and asking if bankruptcy would be a better option at this point. In just a few months we'll be at a full year unpaid.

It still seems pretty ridiculous that I can't find something that would even be $11 an hour and 20 hours a week. (Tons of people in my classes work 16-30 hours at $16-20 an hour at child care centers.) Even just that would get me more for food than I have now, $400 for credit card bills ($300 is the minimum I can pay), a touch to pay back my friend/ex-roomie what I owe her for overdue rent, and re-establish my one Blu-ray plus 1/2 video game per month entertainment budget. It wouldn't get me anything to move in with, but it would cover all non-house expenses. Then again, if it were easy or quick to find a something here I would have been able to do it years ago when I was a more full time-ish student, and I'd have never gotten into this mess.

Anyways. I guess nothing new for today yet. Guess I just needed to vent / be sad for a bit. Thanks for listening to teh crazy rabb1t brain thoughts, heh.

Time passes

Since the friendly librarian person and I were talking about his game the other day I've been wondering if I know where my dice are. Every pen and paper gamer acquires their own dice at some point, and they almost always tell you a bit about their personality (also sometimes about when they got into gaming based on the type of dice.) I think they are in a box with the games I made and I have fairly easy access to them. I'm also curious if I still have my spare dice and props. I'm pretty sure I kept the props. They are a mix of "gems" from a game I didn't have all the parts to, so I tossed all but the gems, and a bunch of poker chips I'd repainted into copper, silver, and gold, then put stickers on to denote value (1, 5, 10, 25 and I think a few 50s.) Good stuffs for role playing fun. I find more props and cards which represent props or items make things more fun. I think a good die set, coin props, a good figure or three, and a special cup, are essential for all pen and paper gamers, hehe. I suppose it doesn't really matter, as I'm not officially invited to be friends or join a game. And from what I recall of gaming groups the likelihood of being invited is pretty small. Still... I wonder if I know where those are. They played a big part of my life once upon a time, so they should be with my special things, but I think they were tossed aside to be put with gaming things I no longer used. I may have to see if I can find them in the coming days just so I can verify where they are. A gamer should never be too far from their tools, be that their PC, console, handheld system, or dice.

Lunch time. One hour till the library opens. I'm so hungry.

Time passes

Taking a break from the computer room for a bit and having a snack. I'm a touch hungry, touch chilly, and I think someone has some perfume on that I'm very allergic too. I'm getting a touch of a headache and feel a bit dizzy.

While reviewing some stuff I found the sexiest of all monitors - the Dell 2709W. It's base stats don't sound overly sexy or super awesome - 1920x1200 res, HDMI, HDCP, DVI, component input, composite input - it's the 110% RGB color gamut that's most sexy. This makes it the first ever LCD I've seen to claim a higher color representation than an old school CRT, making it perfect for graphic design work and awesome for gaming. Couple that with the 27" size, multiple inputs, and HDMI with HDCP for Blu-ray watching and you've got one awesome monitor. A bit pricy at around $850-1000 compared to the other 1920x1200 monitors closer to the $375 range, but for a high end choice I don't think it can be beat. I just don't feel an extra 3" and 2560x1600 res beats 110% color gamut for gaming or design work. Plus, at close to $1000 you could get two for the price of a single 30", meaning it's really like 3840x1200 with 110% RGB vs. 2560x1600.

And um... out of snack, out of bla bla, and chilly now. Off to the car to get my sweater, then back to the room in a bit.

Time passes

It's nearing 7 and I just finished noming dinner. Nothing special, just a sandwich and chips. I did get one of those single serving apple pies though on sale for teh cheap. The best real apple pie is Claim Jumper Dutch Apple Pie which has crumbly cinnamon topping. MMMMMM But I certainly can't get a full pie that needs to be baked in an oven then kept in a fridge after right now.

I was hoping for some drive in dinner theater, but the pause menu is just bouncing around the screen. I'll still be here about 3 hours, so I guess they will eventually restart it. Ah, there it goes now.

I didn't really do anything with my time. I tweaked Death Knight talents again, I finally think for the last time , checked email a few times, checked on jobs, checked boards, talked to the friendly librarian a bit about an idea he has for wind power, and that's really it. Oh, read some Girl Genius, as no shows had been posted that I haven't seen. But much like yesterday today was just another baby step forward in my life. Nothing monumental changed. To my knowledge I did nothing that will cause monumental change in other's lives. And because of my homelessness most of my life still remains on hold. Oh, well, there was the monitor discovery, which I announced. I suppose there may be some rabb1t fan graphic artists out there who will gobble up that info, so that could be a big change for them. But... I don't really feel different now that I've had my PC time for the day. (Other than maybe a bit of overload on salami and pie sugar, hehe.) Would I do today any differently if I did it over again? Very likely not. There is so little I have under my control right now.

The other day I saw a phoenix in the clouds. I don't know if it means anything, the phoenix being a sign of death and rebirth and all. Maybe it was just an odd cloud formation and nothing more. I'd like to think my luck will turn around this coming week. But with the holiday and most of my applications going out to schools, I find it unlikely (for this week).

As always I hope that tomorrow will be a better day - that I can still find friends, happiness, and love, and that some day soon I can go back to enjoying my hobbies.

Day 132 - 11/10 - Faux Veteran's day

Today will be an odd day. I suppose in a way it started odd last night. Since it was freezing cold I went to the sleeping spot at 9:30. It was clear, so I settled in and actually zonked right out. I've discovered why the odd cramp in my neck happens. When I'm on my side my shoulder blade is jammed into my neck because I don't have a pillow. The only way to avoid this is to alter my shoulder angles so that my face is more to the edge of the seat, meaning a hard part presses onto my cheekbone. This has the effect of waking up feeling like someone has punched me in the face. That usually goes away by the afternoon though, and I don't think there are any visible side effects.

It's nearing 8:15 now and I'm in a shopping center lot across from school. I figure near to noon I'll go see if I can shower. If the doors are open I'll go on in and do that. If not I'll just turn right around and go to the public library. Being a Monday they don't open till 1. After my 2 hours there I'll likely cruise over to the other hub, kill a few hours in another parking lot, then do my 1 hour at the other public library. I have a feeling it will be an immensely slow and boring day. I think only the colleges are off, I don't think too many lower schools are out, so it won't have that weekend activity level to entertain me. Then again, I haven't really seen good weekend activity even on the weekends since summer. I think even during the day it's gotten too chilly for most to have any desire to go outside.

It's odd. Since I pre-bought Lich King the other day I've had this thought that launch was Tuesday night. Strange to suddenly realize it's Wednesday night (again) after realizing my brain was off for some reason by a day since paying off the rest.

Today my brain has to work on a presentation I need to do. Hopefully it will be ok. Technically I know enough about the subject matter I could theoretically do it just off the top of my head, but my presentations always tend to run short, so I should probably work on that later this afternoon / evening when I'm not so tired. I'm not sleepy, but my eyelids are heavy and my body is slow. But then, that isn't something that will go away until I'm back in a bed and can get proper rest.

Time passes

Well, I seem to have had an odd twist thrown into my day. I haven't been to the slow library in like 2.5 months, but they seem to be sucking now just as much as they did then. Apparently yesterday the connection was terrible, and today it wouldn't even let anyone log in to the system at all. A librarian said people had been working on it all morning and have no clue when, or if, the system would be working today. So, I've landed right back where I started this morning and I guess I'll just stay here for a few hours, then go to the other library a bit early.

I figured I'd peep GameStop and kill some time with some demos, but none of them were turned on. I saw the main clerk (the one I always see there) walk casually into the back and get someone Wii Fit. I guess it is finally coming out of shortage a bit. No doubt though once we pass Thanksgiving and people start doing Xmas shopping it will rapidly go right back into shortage.

It's warmed up pretty nice at the moment. I've got just pants (underwear), socks, and a t-shirt on. The windows are rolled down and I'm pretty warm. It was fairly cold last night, and I expect things will turn chilly pretty rapidly once we get past 4 PM.

*stares blankly for a while*

What a shame I can't be doing something today that's more useful to someone or more enjoyable for myself. Guess that's it for now.

Time passes

Well that was the biggest waste ever. I'd forgotten that even the fast library is poo compared to real computers. I guess next time I have an Internet blackout (with school being closed) I'll seriously consider if it's even worth it to use the public systems. Today was so not worth it. I got maybe 10 minutes of real activity done. The next blackout will be Thanksgiving weekend - Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I may go to a public library system during that time, but only if it's on my way somewhere else. Due to the extremely low activity level it won't be worth going out of my way for. (People are busy playing that weekend. There is never board activity.)

Killing about an hour before I eat. I'm completely starving, but only being 6 it's too early to eat.

I must have a cold. My eyes have been itchy and I've been sneezing and heavily congested all day. Dry and scratchy throat too. I also faded out to nap twice, once for about 1/2 hour and again for about 45 minutes. I think I got about 8 hours of total sleep last night as well.

So this was my day. I could have accomplished more and had more fun in a single hour from a home. So lame I'm still in fail. I hope many of you out there accomplished more and had more fun today than I did. I think the only real highlight of the day will be in a bit when I get a full fast food meal and later pick up the next camera. I wouldn't want to have a lot of launch event pictures to take then run out. There are only like five shots left on the current camera. Of course I'll actually be surprised if I take more than about three shots, what with it just being a small regular store. It's not like the launch event in the city (San Francisco) would be. Woof would that be a fun party. I'd consider going, but it's likely $10-15 in gas, who knows how much for parking, I'd guess $10, plus the risk on my tires and engine. If I were in a home without any of these problems I'd have done just that. I'd also have taken Thursday and Friday off to play. But... whatever my path is, it can't include that fun.

Day 133 - 11/11 - Veteran's day

A big thanks, salute, Hooyah, Oorah, Semper Fi, and all that to our vets. Remember, they do the fighting so you don't have to.

I'm feeling kind of old today, maybe a bit defeated and tired (emotionally). I know that I'm not, that I'm totally still young looking and cute , and young acting. I guess I've just thought a lot over the weekend about what I should have by now; my own place, a newer car (like 5-7 years old, not an older one), a wife, kids, money saved for retirement. It has made me sad lately to see everyone progressing in their lives, seemingly very easily, seemingly without blocks, and yet I wonder how it is I don't have those things and seemingly can't get them. I've been feeling like someone pushed me over a moving walkway from where I am, nor are there any proper entry points to get back on without help.

Well, it's about 1:30. The day is still young, maybe later something will turn around. So far I've checked my job stuff, checked emails, checked fun sites, and watched the Unit, How I Met Your Mother and Terminator. I think that may be the last Terminator for the season, so I may not be seeing anymore of those for a while.

I forgot about the counselor person, so I guess I'll go see her. If she's not there I'll see if she has an email or something.

I was bad and didn't really work on the class project yesterday. I've still got tons of time while campus is open today, roughly 7.5 hours (and the cafeteria is open for 1 hour after that). The cafeteria and computers are pretty busy with all the students right now. I figure as night comes and things settle I'll likely be in a fair mood to do it. It's mostly just 'choose x' then figure out what to say about it. It's a 'what if you were in charge of x' kind of thing, so it's really just bla bla about my personal preferences on the topic. Should be easy and something I don't really need to prepare for. But meh, it's not anything I really want to spend time talking about (here). It's just a passing thing that's not all that interesting to read about, heh.

Well, guess I'll be off to see the wizard, er counselor, and see if there was any special reason she said I should visit her. Do some more job checks and stuffs after that.

Time passes

I came to the cafeteria to try and work on my project for a bit before dinner, but the TV is going and it's fairly packed. All I hear is bla bla bla bla. Brain can't think. I guess people are here because it's been chilly all day. I've been here before around this time and it's been empty. I am here a bit earlier than before, it's not quite 6 yet, but this seems far more packed than I recall it being around 7. I expect gathering material for the class project will only really take an hour or two, so I should still be fine. As I've said before, because of the homelessness I'm fairly sad and in a bad brain space these days. I really have very little motivation or ability to get into study mode. I guess it's like trying to balance something in your hands while someone constantly pokes you.

Hum. A bunch cleared out now. Guess they were there to nom before class, which I'd guess start at 6:15 from the looks of the crowd left. The TV is pretty noisy though. I may have to go do the computer parts of the project. Still not feeling it though. If I were still back in my room I'd just do it tomorrow if I felt like this. Of course, if I still had my room I'd likely have done it weeks ago.

I feel like going somewhere and curling up and crying till this is over. But it won't be "over". There is no "end". Not until I get a good paying job and save up for weeks, possibly months. At least there is no end in sight without some people stepping forward to be friends, or a sweetie, then they invite me in to their home. It seems so far though that people rapidly fade from view after I talk to them though. Any attempts at flirting or friendship which looked hopeful have faded away just as quickly as they came.

Time passes

Dinner time. I got a small spicy curly fries to nom with the last salami sandwich. Spicy curly fries are spicy. I guess now is a good time for some foods, as the guy piled up the fries bigger than he probably should have. Makes sense, as they have to toss them at the end of the night. Though I always like to hope extra food like that goes to local homeless or local shelters instead of the trash.

Guess that was my day really. Saw some cuties, put out some job apps, did some bla bla to help a person, no real movement in terms of interviews. Pretty much same as always.

Day 134 - 11/12 - Midnight launch: Lich King

Zomg launch is finally here! Eeeeee!!!

I saw the most beautiful blond this morning. She was going in to the library so I didn't see her for long, but my heart went thumpity thump. I settled in to the little library side room to enter and upload week 19 and she came in a few minutes later. She hovered behind the computers for a few minutes, so I asked if she needed in before a class, and she said she just needed to print something off a disk. So I was like, 'You can squeeze in here with me.' I closed up my program and scooted the chair back a bit. Not super far back, just back far enough that if I were in a romantic comedy she would have smiled and gone in front of me super close or hopped into my lap. But no, of course she just scooted in kind of to the side. While the disk was loading I saw her peep Epic Fail. I'd left the book open at the front of the desk. When I saw her peeping it I'd hoped she'd find it interesting and ask what it was, but she didn't. She likely figured it was private stuffs. She said, 'Do you know how to find my file on here?' So I found her file for her and was like "uh oh" when I saw it was a format noone really uses. In fact, back when I was doing graphic arts work like 10 years ago it was already falling into heavy disfavor. So I tried to convert it, but couldn't. We were all sad. But then I was like, 'It won't help you now for this project, but I could bring over my copy of Word and install it for you so you are covered for the future.' (*flirt flirt* ) (I'm going to replace my super old version as soon as I get the spare anyways.) She was kind of blushing and doing the wiggle / move back and forth thing like you do when you are really young and have conflicting feelings and she said, 'noooooo. I should probably just get it anyways. Thanks.' I was super sad she said no, but being soooo beautiful I'm sure she already has a sweetie and friends. But, those few moments of indecision could have meant there were a few seconds of consideration of my flirting which is a something.

I was so sad last night. I was crying for a bit. Just a few tears, but still. It wasn't really because I'll miss launch. It was more the fact that launch is finally actually here. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that I expected to be re-established by now. Even before launch had an official date I've expected I could make it back to a home and be settled and have the money to play. It was always my externally set 'goal' timer - that solid date that I couldn't change that should have allowed me plenty of time to reach the goal. All the sad things that are my life right now just got to me last night. All my confusion about still being the guy who's picked last for most things, no interviews in weeks, no offers of friendship or flirting past initial contact, still sleeping in my car... it just all made me so sad. I still don't understand why it's happening. I know how and to some degree why others are being chosen over me for jobs. Lots of jobs I apply to have people applying with far more experience. But why, why me escapes me. People don't know I'm homeless. People don't even see me for the most part, as I've gone on so few interviews. And those who see me have no clue I'm homeless unless I tell them. They are always completely shocked when I do tell them. So why (and why it seemingly repeats every time I try)... I just don't get it.

Well, it's 9:30 now, I'll try to continue on forward. The night was chilly, but not super cold. Rainy, but not enough to disturb my sleep. Launch is later today, presentation to work on mid-day, and there was a glimmer of hope for flirting with one of the most beautiful and attractive girls I've ever seen. Fate still tends me. Wherever this path leads I travel on, hope kept alive by the tiniest of signs from Fate that this is the correct path.

Time passes

My eyes are all itchy and sleepy. Though, I'm sleepy all over. I slept from about 10 till my phone alarm woke me up around 6:45. It's been like a week since I slept till my alarm went off. I've been getting up before it.

Just had lunch. I forgot my left over fries. (I'd only eaten about half.) I guess I can have them tonight if I remember, maybe pick up a small something here in the cafeteria if I get back before it closes. Though that is very unlikely as they close the food section at 8:30 and I'll get out of class (early) around 8. I have to be careful how much I spend or I'll burn out my second full fast food meal monies on smaller meals. It would be a fair trade, but it would burn out all my fancy meals, leaving me none for next week (until I'm paid). I should be ok though.

I did some work on my project. Nothing I'm proud of, but a graphic artist with no computer is like a miner with no digging tools - it just can't be done. I'm sure the others will think I do fine, but I'll judge myself fairly harshly. But then, with no access to the proper tools there was simply no way I could do the full color amazing work I thought up at the start of the semester. I'd hoped I'd have gotten into a home and had the opportunity to really excel, but that just hasn't happened. I still don't have any of the class books I should have. Oh I could have monopolized a computer for the better part of a day to do the work, but being only in black and white it just wouldn't have the proper impact overall.

I'm looking forward to picture series four. There are lots of happy pictures from what I recall. You'll actually see them before you read this, heh. We've got the steampunk con, tonight's launch will be on there, Halloween, and a few other surprises.

I'm cheering up very slowly. With the cold (still sneezing today), the chilly weather, the difficulty sleeping, the cramped nights of sleep... it is... difficult to be positive these days.

Time passes

It's nearing 1:30 AM. I can't sleep. My brain is all eeeee from getting Lich King and my tummy is a bit hungry. (I can't really sleep if my tummy is hungry. I have to at least get a tiny snack.) There were way more people than I guessed. I was thinking about 25 tops would show up, but there were probably over 100 by the time we got to midnight. Even though I didn't follow a lot of the conversations due to my being away from the game for three years I feel... normal again. Much geek talk was to be had. I only gave out one rabb1t card, which kind of surprised me. I expected to give out more. And no rabb1t fans said hi, which did not surprise me at all.

It is the foggiest ever. I can only see maybe 100' total. It's really crazy. Everyone else is home by now, all installing the game, maybe even playing. Everyone but me. My copy went straight into storage. I went straight to my sleeping spot. I huddle here in the dark shadows hiding, surrounded by the blanket of the fog. Yet my mind wanders to an alternate reality, one where I am still in my room, one where I didn't put my box and poster I won in a drawing into storage, but one where I've installed the game and I'm now patched up and quietly playing with head phones on.

For the first time in months I feel whole. I feel complete. I feel happy and excited about my new game and have no worries. But I know this is a fleeting feeling. I know I did put the game in storage, unopened, and that I am here in my homeless sleeping spot and that it may be months before I can play. I know that everyone but me will be enjoying the game soon, if not already, and that likely within a day or two the sadness will return.

But for now... at least for a brief moment... I feel like me again, whole and unbroken.

Day 135 - 11/13 - The real alpha male

I has a sleepy bunny brain today. I finally got to sleep around 2 I think, got to campus around 6:45 and went right back to sleep. I've gotten maybe 6.5 hours of sleep total. My brain was all eeeee excited last night. I still have a fairly elevated mood from the fun.

Back to things as usual today though. No job postings yet really, but I did get out one application for a 10 hour a week job. I watched Bones and Knight Rider. Knight Rider is getting better and I think it may gather a wider audience if they continue on their current path.

It's nearing 12:15 and I'm noming lunch. I guess my presentation went ok last night. I'm still not real proud of how I did, but all things considered there wasn't much more I could have done. And I did see the professor smiling and such as she watched me for a bit, so that's always a good sign. I'm out of foods, well out of soups. This lunch is the last one, so I'll be stopping by the store on my way to mini work. I'll also drop the camera with series four off. That will be ready tomorrow, but I can't post it 'till Monday.

The line and crowd last night really surprised me. There were a ton of people as the night went on. Also it really wasn't just uber geeks. There were some 'regular' people there; a dad buying for his daughter, a family of a mom, dad, son and daughter (the kids were maybe 10 years old), two pairs of women, a few women with other friends or boyfriends / husbands. No one was there for silly fun though (in costume and what-not), just uber fans who love the game and wanted to buy it and get it installed ASAP.

Um... guess that's it for now. k thx bye

Day 136 - 11/14 - Just another bleh day

Um... it's lunch time. Not a lot to talk about. I have a pretty massive headache for some reason. I did a writing project for school, checked for jobs, got an interview set up for Wednesday, the first in-person interview in a few months I think. So many have done phone interviews. (This is for a job I applied for over a month ago. I no longer have the data for the job, as I only keep emails for one month if I get no reply. I don't recall if it's full time, part time, or what. I just have a vague recollection of what the duties were and that it was a decent pay rate.) I was going to do laundry on my way up to mini work, but my funds are locked up moving to my savings account. (I can move it right back in a few days when it's finally gone through.) I should have enough free to get my series four pictures though. We'll see. That may have to wait a few days as well. I got a donation the other day, so that's working it's way to my account too. Watched Survivor. Tried to watch Supernatural, but the site got stuck and wouldn't continue. That's really it. No surprise or revelations so far today.

It's warming up a bit again today. Last night only my back plastic cover got frosted, unlike a few days ago where I woke up to my windows being ice sheets, heh. Someone mentioned that night was down to 40F, so if I was basically ok (just caught this current minor cold) I should be fine. I don't think we'll see much colder until closer to January.

*sigh* Maybe I should hold off on pictures 'till my money clears. I can't manipulate / post them until Monday either way. I suppose it's better to be safe, eh? Hopefully dad will send lots of Turkey day money and I can finally get some kind of buffer going.

Time passes

I can maybe has game. For a while now I've considered checking out game centers. I know there was one locally back in the day, but never bothered to check prices till now. Looks like there is one locally with fair pricing. They have an all day pass for $10 if I bring in my own system. Most days they are open 14-16 hours, so that's a really good deal. (It would be uber if there were space for my printer too. I could make more cards and print out new full color talent prints.) If I rent a system it's like $20 or $24 for the day pass depending on how long they are open for that day, or 6 hours for $15, 3 for $10, and like $2-3.50 per hour depending. Renting would be good, as I wouldn't have to take in my system, but my system is actually more powerful than what they have even though I haven't been able to afford upgrades in like 2.5 years. I've got a 10 day free pass from Blizzard, so game time would be free if I used that. At least it would be free for a short while, certainly a long weekend. It is very tempting to do something like set up on Turkey day and do a day pass that day and Friday. That would be like $20, which is a bit pricy, but they have a micro, so I could do micro food, which reduces food costs on those days. (Otherwise I'd have to do fast food meals, sandwiches, or get ready made food.) Also, if I got dad money, I'd likely have the flexibility for at least those two days. Movies are $10 for like 1.5 hours of entertainment, so $10 for 14-16 hours is a way better deal. Plus, that weekend they are staying open from opening on Turkey day until close on Monday, so I'd have open access on those two days to 48 hours of game time. Of course, I do sleep, unlike some who just go non-stop, so I'd really be getting around 30 play hours. It's very tempting as that would give me time to peep Death Knight, level up a bit. Maybe even do it once a month (or maybe once a week should my income go up a small amount.) It's something worth considering until I'm on my way to getting re-established.

I got to watch the rest of Supernatural and an episode of Clone Wars.

I'm putting laundry and the pictures on hold until my money is freed up, so nothing but school campus time and mini work today. It's actually almost time to go. I've got just 2 hours left on campus.

Um... gonna go back for some more computer time while I still have access. Maybe more bla bla later tonight.

Time passes

Dinner time at mini work. I'm totally hungry so I'm eating suuuper early at 5:45.

I spoke to the gaming center guy some more, well emailed. The bring your own system deal only applies to laptops that use wi-fi, so that won't apply to me. The deal for the weekend is $80 for the entire time, which is way too much for me. The day passes become 24 hour passes, which is good but still expensive at $25 a pop. (Still, $1 an hour either way I guess.) I'll have to see what flexibility I have, if any, when I get dad's money. Right now my budget for that period counts on his usual amount and I've only got like $50 spare. I'd like to keep that in reserve for interview or gas when I start a job, so I'd need to get more than my usual amount to consider it. But it is an option to get me some game time.

I put out a couple more resumes, so that's good. Nothing else really happened. Eeemmm... guess that's it for tonight. k thx bye

Day 137 - 11/15 - Visiting the center

Heh. I was sitting here bored after having lunch and I'm like, 'do de do... nothing to do.' Then I'm like, 'duh, talk to my peeps.' Huuulllooo peeps. It's not quite 9:40, about 15 minutes 'till the library opens.

Been excited lately to get series four. There should be lots of super cool pics on there. Hopefully I can access my monies today and go pick that up later. Also, if at least some money is available I was thinking of going to peep the game center. It's really close to the other hub, so it's only a couple of miles from this hub. It would be good to kill an hour, heh. Since I'm out of the library at 4 Saturdays are pretty boring.

Not much to say really. It just seemed a bit odd, in a good way, that I'm actually sort of a little bit happy today. I'm guessing that's due to my discovering that for $10 or whatever it was I could game for 6 hours. If I could manage the monthly subscription, plus that twice a month, that would allow me some gaming at least and it wouldn't be too expensive at $35 total. I don't have the flexibility to really do that without regular additional income, but with the holidays I could probably manage it for a bit starting around Turkey weekend. Dad always sends money for Turkey day and Xmas. I'll certainly see if it's feasible once dad's money comes. Of course I have to be sure to save up the like $100 for classes and parking next semester first. That will likely come quicker than I think.

Welp 5-10 minutes till the library opens, so I guess that's all the bla bla for now. Just a report of hope and a bit of happiness so far today. As always, my actions will be determined by what little money I have and where it winds up today.

Oh and it's pretty warm today. No frost at all last night and I've only got a t-shirt and pants on (not counting under things). I've got my trench and silly hat, but it's really too warm for those.

Time passes

It's 4. Library access is over. Checked email, watched an episode of Ghost Hunters and Sanctuary, hehe I was sneaky, tweaked my Death Knight talents (took out some dual wield boosts, as the main abilities are x% weapon damage and would be best paired with heavy two handed weapons), and read some Girl Genius. Tough of tech bla bla on the boards, some suggestions, not much helping.

Sadly no money was released, so I've got the food and gas in my car and that's it for today and tomorrow. So, 'hard salami' with no bread, some chips, Pepsi, and 40% of a pack of Keebler fudge stripe cookies.

I have enough gas to peep the center. That should kill some time. I should be fine till the money is freed up on Monday. A bit heavy / greasy choice for food unless I can get to a microwave (which the center has), but I should be fine.

I guess I'll sit around here for like an hour then go peep the center.

Time passes

I peeped the center. Took a few pics, so you can peep those. It's nearly 6 now, so just about time for dinner. It's funny that the center is like right around the corner from the area I used to pass by all the time during the summer. It's actually only like 3 miles from campus. I literally probably was within 100' of it and just out of line of sight a couple of dozen times over the past months. Seemed pretty decent. Kind of small and cramped, but it should be fine as long as the peeps nearby aren't stinky and don't have perfume and such on. They even have ice cream and other foods to nom if I didn't have my own. They have the micro, so I'd just bring my own. Well, if I have money to go I'll likely go during Turkey weekend since I've got those 10 days free. (The offer expires in one month.)

I'm watching some dinner drive in theater. I spent about 45 minutes at the center and took a few pics, but now there is really nothing to do 'till I 'go to bed'.

Um... guess that's it for now. Probably it for tonight. k thx bye

Time passes

Bleh. It's just about 9:15 and my brain is having conflicted thoughts about the game center. On the one hand it would get me off the street at a time when being on the street would seem very suspicious. Just about everyone in America has somewhere to go on Turkey day, even many of those in bad positions in life, and I would be indoors not out and about. On the other hand, does it really make sense starting a character and playing for only a handful of hours compared to just waiting and instead doing something like spending the money on Burning Crusade, something I'll apparently need for level 60-70 content which would be a permanent gain.

I suppose my choices will really come down to what happens in these next few weeks. If dad only sends what I estimated I can't do either option. If I get an additional part time something, then weekly or biweekly play may be an option and worth considering starting up. If I get a good position and I'm on my way to recovery, just getting the expansion and waiting the month or so to get re-established may be the most for my money. If someone suddenly steps forward and offers me a couch to stay on and system to play on or connection for my system obviously I'm free to play.

Well, I guess it all depends on what happens with monies and job offers between now and then. At least it's nearing time to see if I can sleep. At least that's something.

Time passes

Yikes! Big scare just now. Possible trouble. I'd just gotten to the sleeping spot not long ago. I took a risk by going earlier than 11 (being a Saturday), but it's been totally fine lately. About 10 minutes or so after I get to the sleeping spot I'm all tucked in to my blankets, but I've kept my contacts in because I'm not super sleepy (despite fading out for about 1/2 hour around 7-8). I hear a car moving very quickly and see lights streak across the back wall and over part of me. The car stops on the other side of the shield (about 5 to 7 spots over), turns off the lights, but the car is still running. They stay about 30 seconds, then turn on their lights and leave just as quickly. I peek over and see it's a police car. Now, judging by the speed of movement, his lights couldn't have been on me more than about 1/8th of a second or so. And he was likely about 25+ feet away from me during the turn. He made at least a 90 degree turning arc in about one second, so he was moving with intent to the rear of the building quite a ways from me. Had he intended me as the target he would have hovered behind me and been sure to be still. He would have to have an awesome dash camera to have the resolution and framerate to catch my plate at that speed, distance, and angle from me. However, this morning and now as well, there were only two other cars in the lot. This entire time there has always been six to ten. This could be coincidence or it could mean there is some kind of crack down going on and they warned neighbors that they are starting to ticket or something. In the whole time I've been at the sleeping spot there has only been like one car a month that came into or near my area or was parked there when I got there. To have the police do it was super scary. It is extremely unlikely I was the target. He didn't pause within sight of my plate, my car, and least of all my person, but the lack of other cars and his visit has me very concerned they are starting to ticket and I've lost the spot. I guess I won't be getting to sleep soon after all. It seems I may have to stay mobile and ghost around tonight. It's 11 now. I'll avoid the spot tonight, just in case, but will cruise by again maybe around 12:30 to see if more cars come park. It may be he just used the spot to stealth then out flank someone or it could be he had to pause to talk or do a computer thing. It could be everyone (the four to eight missing cars) are just out at parties. It could be the two elements are completely unlinked. I'd expect I'd get warnings. Another homeless in car person said he'd been shooed away from his area at night, so I see no reason why I wouldn't be given a similar warning. To fly by and catch my plate on camera and ticket without actually giving it to me or placing it on my car, with no warning ticket, seems incredibly unlikely. I can't afford a ticket.

Whatever the reasons for what is going on at the sleeping spot it looks like I may be in for a long, cold, scary, relatively sleepless night. It may be I've finally lost the spot. It could be just coincidence and I should go back to getting there at like 11:30. I'll have to see how many are parked there over the next few days before I can see what's changed in the patterns. It would be terrible to lose the spot. I wouldn't have anywhere safe I know to go.

Day 138 - 11/16 - A day for naysayers

Today seems like it will be the day for poo head naysayers. I got a bill last night in my mail that has a warning from the phone company they might shut me down. The bill says I owe double what I have in my budget, so the likelihood of any fun Turkey weekend has basically gone right out the window as I now need 50% more from dad than usual just to break even on my budget and 100% more than usual to be able to rent computer time or get Burning Crusade. Seems like all this time of only having $20 for all my bills each paycheck (twice a month) has finally caught up with me. So all you naysayers get to poo poo at me now. I suppose had I not gone to the like four movies and bought the collectors Lich King that I'd have had the money to pay that bill (with $10 left over). I also wouldn't likely be running on about 1/2 gallon of gas left in my tank. Gods willing that will be plenty for today and I won't have to risk buying some tonight (hoping that the monies are released before the charge goes through). Not counting I could have more to eat today than salami, chips, and Pepsi. Today and yesterday are like all junk picnics.

Hopefully I've got 'till Thursday or after to actually make a payment. (There is no stated cut off date on the letter.) Hopefully I'll have enough or don't actually owe that full amount to be ok.

These are all money things though. And those tend to work out over time. (Unlike my car exploding or I broke my leg or something.) I've been in fail for a long time now and these small morale boosts (those referenced above and a few others have been less than 5% of my total monies) have kept me sane and stable enough to continue. It's only 10:20 now, so hopefully I can find some good news or a good / positive surprise when my day actually starts at noon when I can get on a system. Heh, now that I know about the gaming center if it came down to it I could rent a station for one hour for $2-3.50 if I needed a fast connection. I'd get far more accomplished with that than two hours at the slow library or one hour at the meh library.

There were only four cars at the sleeping spot when I checked this morning, one of which may have been a church person and not been there overnight. I decided to not check at night as I'll see what is what when I go to possibly sleep tonight. I'll certainly wait 'till 11 though to reduce the chance for activity.

It's warming up again pretty quickly today. Last night got pretty cold, but not frosty. My poor feets hurt so much whenever I walk on hard surfaces. Hopefully as the day goes on and in future days things will improve.

Hum. I spoke a touch too soon. Re-doing my next bill batch, adding even more than I owe to the phone bill to be safe, I am only about $25 over budget with 1x the expected dad money. So 50% over normal would clear me and give me the tiniest of cushions. Still, I'd need about 100% over normal to have enough cushion to consider something fun. I also forgot to mention my eye exam time has come due. So I won't be able to get more contacts from my eye doc 'till I do that, which is $150. I still have two more pair. Stretching out each to a month, which is ... doable, not ideal but doable, that covers me 'till the end of January. It would be super sad if I were still in fail that long.

Time to have a bit of food then wait for the library.

Time passes

I'm forced outside of the computer room for a bit. Ballman is in there and he reeks of smoke. It makes me feel like I'm going to be sick. I figure out it's him (I'd felt this way before but didn't know it was his smoke residue) and within the first hour he's gone out to smoke a second time and comes right back in. This is not ok. This is a smoke free campus for a reason. I say to him, "Are you smoking something different today because it's making me feel really sick." And he's all, 'No. Just bla bla (whatever they are). I'm sorry you feel sensitive to it today.' And I'm thinking, yeah it's nice to say sorry, but how about not smoking or staying out of the room after you've smoked. Smoke free campus here, I shouldn't be the one forced from the room.

hehe The nice librarian came out on his way to get foods and chatted with me for a minute. It seems his D&D character has an intelligent sword with emerging memories and he fears his sword may remember it wants to kill people from his race. hehe. Things like that are always funny to throw at your players. I got the impression before he was the GM, but I guess not.

*counts* I've got $0.87. I think I'll drop that into my gas tank. The gas station is basically right near school. It's not much, like 35% of one gallon, but that's like eight miles in my car. I think I only go about 10 on days I just go to campus, so with an estimated 15 remaining +8 puts me into the safe zone. Provided of course I don't have to stealth around tonight. Doing that rapidly burns gas as it eats a few miles per move going in circles looking for spots.

Guess it's ok being out here with you peeps for a bit. I'm having a snack, the last five cookies, though I may not have them all, and I've already run a job check, two email checks, all fun sites check, and gotten current with Epic Fail, even helped on one of the boards. I don't expect things will change in the remaining 3 hours and 50 minutes I have left. I suppose I could tweak an assignment for bonus points, but nah, I'll do that tomorrow.

Ok these people are complete dummy heads or can't read English. They walk right up to the library doors, which don't open, ignore the sign right at eye level which is on the doors, walk to the second set of doors, ignore that sign as well, then go to a side door and yank on it to try and open it. Um... huuulllooo both signs say the library is closed and show the hours for the side computer room, where you can ask the librarian to get you the stuff from the main area. Signs exist for a reason.

So lame not being able to buy foods when I want or need. It's like most don't realize how big of a deal it is to have money to just buy something at the cafeteria, or head over for fast food, or a sandwich shop, or go to a deli for lunch. These are simple things many don't give a second thought to. Sure, sometimes it's a bit expensive. I certainly wouldn't do it every day, but to not be able to afford it at all... it's just so sad. It's like, everyone feels like movie food is too expensive, ok so no one cares there, but if you are out and you are hungry it shouldn't be a big deal to just pop in for a meal pretty much anywhere. It seems like such a small thing, to have lunch, or dinner, or whatever, but I think everyone should be able to do that. It's just so sad to be hungry and have to wait. We should all earn enough to have a meal without worry now and then. I think we would all be much happier if we all had that flexibility.

Time passes

As expected I didn't do much more. Watched an episode of Fringe, read some Girl Genius, I'm almost current there and then just a lot of surfing for Death Knight info. As always a lot of opinion there, so nothing really new to be found. I did check my bank again and I do have like $1.25 that's free to use, so I think I'll get a $1 Taco Bell food for dinner. I would just get cheezburger, as that wouldn't hit my account for 2-3 days, but it's at the other hub, so that would use up the teeny bit of extra gas I'm going to get. Best to pass and keep the teeny bit more for it's intended cushion purpose.

Heh, the friendly librarian asked what I was writing so I actually showed him Epic Fail on teh Intarwebs. Guess he still hasn't looked at it.

Um... that's probably it for tonight. Micro gas add, dinner, then about 4.5 hours of nothing till I check the sleeping spot. Hopefully the normal number of cars will be there and all will be well. If not... I'll be a very sad scared bunny.

Day 139 - 11/17 - The pattern

Time to nom lunch and talk to my peeps. Hi peeps. *wave* Seems like there is a lot to report today. I guess I'll just go in order.

The events at the sleeping spot on those past weekend nights seems to have been just an anomoly. Last night / this morning there were the usual 6-8 cars. Phew! I was fading pretty bad from 8-9 so I decided to go a bit early to check at 10:15. By 10:30 I was safely tucked in and all zonked out. I will try to target a 10:30-11 arrival time though in the future just to be a touch more sure. With an extra bit of sleep after getting to campus this morning I got around 9.5 total hours of sleep. I feel like I've caught up a bit from the weekend.

I was surprised to read news about the Core i7 stuff launching today. I rushed right over to NewEgg to collect stuffs to recommend. I didn't change any full system recommendations yet, as I'll hold off till around bunny day in March and add them then. Until then there is too little gain for gaming for the cost, particularly in places in the world where bleeding edge tech will cost more.

I did a job search and put out a few part time applications. Not many listings today so far.

Some of my money has been freed up, so I have half today and half probably tomorrow. It's ok. I can work with that. It's enough to get gas to cover me for a few days, food for a few days, my pictures for series four to drop on the web this evening (zomg sooo excited about that eeeee!), and monies to run my laundry in a bit. I figure I'll leave to do all that in about three hours.

Oh, I also messed with Death Knight talents a bit to come up with an alternate talent spec for anti-magic raid support and possible PvP. I don't do much PvP so it's mostly for minor AE control and anti-magic bubble. Helpful stuff during a raid if someone doesn't already have it with their main talent build.

Guess that's it. Lots of happy / exciting stuff, but not a lot to say about them. Seems silly but I guess it's positive steps forward in my life in all the things I have direct control over, so that's happy.

Um... guess that's it. Lots of cuties here today, but they are not interested in teh rabb1t. Guess I'll hop on back to the little computer room and see if I can watch my shows or something.

Time passes

It's just after 9:30. I've come back to the main campus and I'm just going to hang in the parking lot if I can for a bit. The campus has stuff going on 'till 10, so leaving at 10:30 wouldn't be all that unusual or suspicious.

Pretty much all of the pictures came out. There were only a few I didn't use this time. The (new) camera seems to have an issue with night as well. I guess the flash is really only good for about 6'. The launch pictures were ok, but didn't really show how many people were there. I'll maybe take a day comparison shot or something.

Surprise! Teh rabb1t is in pictures now, hehe. The new digital ones I'm using have a timer, so surprise, there is me in there!

It was frosty on the car after my class. Moving cleared off the frost, but tonight will be a cold one. I've got clean cloths now though, so yea for that.

Tomorrow I'll get a teeny bit more money released, so I'll have to pop off campus to buy some foods. I've got one small chip bag and three sodas left. That's it. Oh and one soup for tomorrow for lunch as well. I may have one soda for a snack now. Tummy is hungry but I've nothing to feed it. Such a simple thing - to drive home after class, grab a snack of cheese and crackers and juice to tide the tummy over, to hop online and play some games for an hour or read some boards to wind down before bed, then hop in a bed all snuggled warm and safe under the blankets. But I don't have those things. Such very small things when you have them, but if you don't, if you can't...

Day 140 - 11/18 - Another week passed

Lunch time. Tasty chicken and dumpling soup. Mmmmmm

Not much to report really. Interview for tomorrow was confirmed, put out a couple applications so far, but that's it for job stuff.

I had a hard time sleeping last night. It wasn't as cold at my main area compared to my class campus even though it's just about an 8-10 mile distance between them. For some reason I couldn't sleep 'till around 1. Then I had really odd dreams. My shoulders are all cramped. At one point in the night it felt like my breastbone had been folded over. And my eyes are all sleepy now.

The little bit of money flipped, so I can shop later. I'll probably do that in a few hours when I get hungry for a snack.

Good news / bad news on the phone bill. Good news is that it looks like my next billing date is the 25th, so plenty of time to pay them before any extra fees should hit. Bad news is the amount they want is the minimum. The full bill is even higher, and higher still after that cycle date. I guess I've been having to put off paying it for a lot longer than I thought. Paying off the minimum owed is very doable. Paying off the full amount isn't going to happen without extra dad money. I don't even want to think about if he sends less or sends nothing.

I should really get going on some school projects I have to do. I'm being kind of lazy there. Though, as mentioned before, it's not so much laziness as my overall daily sadness / depression making motivation difficult at the best of times and next to impossible at the worst.

Heh, I was scruffy this morning but didn't shave. I think I will later because it's starting to bug me. I was going to do it before my shower in the morning tomorrow, but it's going to start really bugging me soon I think. I can do it when I go out shopping.

So um... that's it I guess. Just the regular rabb1t brain thoughts. Not very exciting I'm afraid. Just my regular life stuff. My mind will sometimes stray as I see cuties around me and I always wonder about those I've flirted with, but so far zero interest in teh rabb1t. My thoughts stray to my Death Knight now and then, but no way to play due to lack of funds (or home). So there isn't much point in talking about those. Those and RL friends seem to just be a part of my not daily life I continue to be missing out on.

Time passes

Nearing 3:45, snack time. It's kind of a crazy snack though; a soda, cookies, and crackers. I got lots of tasty foods on sale. I got not cheap soups; two of which were 30% off, two I got which had a buy one get one free sale. And I got two packets of crackers, also buy one get one free. I wanted so much to have monies to buy a cafeteria something, it smells so yummy lately, but I just don't have it.

Not much new. I watched Terminator and Heroes, looked through more job postings, a touch of bla bla on boards, dropped the series four disk into storage, did the shopping, shaved, and that's it.

Sorry teh rabb1t life isn't very interesting. There are still many possibilities for happy endings, but so far they are just possibilities, nothing more.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008, 2009
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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