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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Day 141 - 11/19 - I wear the cheese; the cheese does not wear me

Not much to say yet today. It's 10:45 and I'm having a juice. I was going to get a doughnut too, but they are basically all out. (Just a few left I don't like.) I may get a pizza or burger at lunch, I'm not sure yet. I'd rather get it for dinner, but I won't be back here tonight before the cafeteria closes since I've got class. I have nearly half a tank of gas, which should last today and tomorrow. With $5 left in my account and like $1.5 in my wallet I'm ok 'till my pay cycles to my account in the morning. As always for a person with no cushion, I'm not great but I should be fine.

I'm pretty sleepy today. My eyes are all tired. My shield was not in its usual spot. It was moved across the lot into a really odd spot. I'm sure as has been the case in the past it will move back in to its proper position within a few days at most. I was safe enough last night, though I couldn't sleep 'till after 11:30 or so. Exposed and in the light, but safe enough out of view. Someone would have to not only have come into the back area, which they really haven't done since summer, and gotten within 10' of my car to see me. My only real risk is a teen walker who comes back from visiting his girl. He usually does that at like 9:30, a little later on Friday or Saturday. He doesn't do it every night though. He's seen me about three times so far since I've been there these past four months or so, but I don't think he knows I stay the night since I'm gone before he walks to school. (He only saw me once ever in the morning.) Plus, he's a teen. What would he care? hehe

It's pretty chilly today. There is a bit of fog and it's pretty gray out. I'm feeling a bit sad - might be the weather, but it's more likely the fact that a new (fail) week has come and I still am seemingly so far from being re-established. Plus too we are nearing the end of the semester. I haven't checked if campus will be open between like mid December and late January when next semester starts, but the likelihood I'll be homeless during that time increases daily. The thought of being homeless with limited access to computers and a warm indoor place to be during the holiday time is pretty depressing. With just short of a month 'till then there is still the possibility of getting a good job and being re-established by then, but it's very unlikely. As I've said before, due to pay cycles and how much I have to save, I am likely looking at about four to eight weeks after being hired before I could even consider looking at a place. With no offers and no real interviews to be super excited about we are even further off than that.

Well... one day at a time I guess. Not much point in dwelling over what I can't control.

Time passes

Let's see... it's just after 4 and I'm having a drink before I change campuses. I did have a pizza slice for lunch, but the cheese and I didn't agree, so I shouldn't get the pizza here again. The hamburger I had before was super tasty, and spicy curly fries are yummy.

The interview was ok. It was an early phase thing, so super informal. I think they are unlikely to call me back though as they would run a credit report before hiring me. What with my bad credit it's unlikely I would be as an attractive employee as someone without bad credit.

I'm feeling kind of sad still. I have brief moments of joy when I update my site, or see a friendly person, but that's it. The little things are such a big deal now - eating cafeteria food, cooking a meal, playing my game(s), watching a show, sleeping in a bed, laughing with friends, hugging a sweetie. So much of the time I feel like I'm watching life, like they are in a fishbowl or like I'm invisible. I know I'm not though, that I do have an impact, that I do influence change, that things will eventually get better. But now... for now I don't have them. My feet always hurt when I walk, and I wonder how long it will be before I can have a normal life like everyone else.

Day 142 - 11/20 - Mixin' up your GPUs

Exciting PC news today. The new Nvidia drivers finally support mixed graphic cards for dedicated PhysX on one card. This means you could do things like have an 8600 GT, upgrade to something like a 9800 GT, then set the 8600 GT as a dedicated PhysX card, woot! Now, there is the stipulation that you'll need an SLI capable motherboard and a power supply strong enough to support both cards, but the ability to upgrade like this and keep your old card for dedicated physics is a huge boost to physics in games. Back in the day I said the first side to support this feature would get huge interest from developers. Only about six games on the planet would benefit from PhysX acceleration at this time, and this driver change doesn't alter that fact. Also, this only applies to series 8 cards and up as those are the only ones capable of running PhysX (8xxx, 9xxx and 2xx at this time), so I'm not going to tell anyone to run right out and get an 8500 GT or 9500 GT just for PhysX acceleration. That would be silly. But those who qualify can be extra excited about their next upgrade. I'm sure we'll see over the next few days what seems overkill and what is just enough power, as you obviously wouldn't be likely to need something like a 9800 GT running dedicated PhysX. I'm guessing an 8500 GT, 8600 GT, 9500 GT, and 9600 GT will be plenty of power, making a sale of a more powerful card on the secondary market a better choice for that card. These cards are all around $40-75 new (cheaper on the secondary market, free if you already have one and are going to upgrade) so there isn't much point in keeping something worth double or more if those are enough power and you can use the money instead. Also, I'm sure we'll see comparisons by reviewers very soon of things like a 9800 GT running graphics with a 9500 GT running PhysX vs. a single GTX 280 running both. Anyways... yeeeaaa for more options! Ever since I'd actually heard the announcement about the Ageia PhysX buyout I'd hoped Nvidia would tweak the drivers to do this. I'm actually surprised it took this long.

I'm pretty sleepy today. The above may seem a bit unfocused. It's like 10:30, breakfast time. I've watched Supernatural and Bones. No news from jobs yet. My pay flipped, as expected, so I'll go over some figures on what to pay when during mini work tonight. Not having dad's money yet I have to be conservative. I'm guessing I won't see that until next week.

Um... that's it so far. Gonna see if I can go post the news. Then in a bit it will be lunch time, maybe I'll have something more interesting to say later. k thx bye

Day 143 - 11/21 - Workin' the bills

Tasty breakfast time, doughnut and juuuice. Hi peeps.

Kinda sleepy today, but I feel ok. No shield is making me sleep a bit funny; plus I'm scooting out earlier 'cause of being worried about being exposed.

I watched Survivor, but that was the only new show posted for me so far today. No email or job calls. Paid the phone bill. That couldn't be avoided. It soaked up half of everything I have. I forgot my budget last night, so I'll do that at mini work tonight. If I pay the car stuff that pretty much would tap me out completely until dad's money comes. I'll see how long I can hold out. Dad should send me what I have budgeted soon and after that I should be able to squeak by on bills. Being tapped out wouldn't be good.

I forgot to shave, heh. Gonna probably run back to the car and do that after I finish my nom. I was worried I may miss my doughnut so I came here to eat first, but there are plenty as there are less people on campus here on Fridays.

Logically how I feel makes no sense. As I've mentioned a few times before it feels like something positive is about to or has changed today. Logically it makes no sense as there were no job emails or calls or applications sent today, yet I feel like I was sleeping next to a sweetie last night. I feel like I'll get to play my Death Knight soon and that everything will be fine. It would be nice if it were true, but I've sensed this what three times now (during fail) that I've mentioned to you peeps and nothing has come of it? Guess we'll see.

I got some sekret infos from J!nx to check the site sometime around Turkey weekend for new WoW stuffs. I'd gotten that info after I asked if they had the Death Knight t-shirt design ready.

That's it really. Just a feeling like I was snuggled in my sleep and a feeling of positive changes coming soon. (Like in the next few weeks or sooner.) Something real? A premonition? Just a gentle nudge from Fate to keep me going? I guess only time will tell.

Time passes

Lunch time. Soooo full. I decided to go ahead and use one of my two full meal charges now since I was so hungry. Got a hamburger and spicy curly fries. Tummy was happy about no cheese on the burger, but it's all 'ack!' from the curly fries. Super tasty, but not such a good idea I guess. A bit of fries left for later, so pretty good deal for the money.

There are a couple of party tour groups in here today. I wonder what's up with that.

I was noticing the cleaner person. She must be here full time because I see her all the time. The staff often eat together in small groups, but I was wondering how lonely she must feel when on shift. Like me she is considered invisible by the students. Most 'service industry' people are. So if you ever want to make someone feel happy, be nice to your waitress or waiter. Pause to acknowledge the cleaning people and say hi. Ask them how they are doing, don't just reply when they ask how you are. Back in the day when I was a teenager my best friend and I used to do that all the time. I still do to some extent - make counter people or service people notice I actually "see" them and/or make them smile and laugh. Ask them how they are when they do their auto-hello. It's important; particularly when people are working in jobs where they are supposed to be kind of invisible, that someone acknowledges there is an actual person. Don't forget that these are real people doing that job. They have dreams, wishes, hopes, just like everyone else.

That's all for now. Shopping before mini work in four hours. It seems unlikely anything else of interest will come up, but if it does I'll let you know.

Time passes

Early dinner nom just short of 6:15. Mostly good news sort of meh news about my budget. If I don't pay the rest of the phone bill (the bit due on like December 6th) and dad sends his normal Turkey weekend amount (1x) then I'd balance to zero after paying all the other unavoidable bills. This is mostly good in that any extra could be put towards having fun. Probably not the wisest choice, as I do have next semester coming up and possibly more missing income in the near future with Xmas and New Years time, but getting me off the streets during Turkey weekend as much as possible would be good. There will likely be less overall police activity, but much higher people activity, and thus higher suspicion; not to mention higher suspicion levels of some guy sitting in his car for hours on end. We'll see. Pay came in and that's the part we had a solid date and amount for. Dad's money... well, we don't know how much he'll send or if he will even send it on time (or at all.) Lately (these past six months to a year) he's been missing the dates. Oh the eye doctor... he's not a critical bill, so I could put that one off and let it go past due to 'borrow' a bit if dad sends word to expect a certain amount which would allow me a bit of money to play. The eye doc doesn't report to the credit bureau, so that would be ok if I needed that option. Other than that though I'd have no flexible cash. (In terms of 'borrowing' 'till my dad's money comes if I know to expect some extra.)

Had a short chat with my friend/ex-roomie when I checked the mail. I guess she's been playing since she send me an email from 3 hours prior to my stopping by and didn't get my reply. hehe

Um... that's it really. No exciting news yet. I guess the only positive thing left I can think of is I have next week off from work. Of course in my situation that's not really much of a bonus since I have no way to enjoy it unless I get the extra to go to the gaming center. I'll have a communication blackout from late Wednesday evening until possibly Monday morning if I don't go to the game center, so if you peeps have any critical questions send them now. (Though I may stop by a public library Saturday if I don't have money to play at the center. They should be open I think.)

Day 144 - 11/22 - Nearly 180 peeps

Bit of a late start with chatting I guess you could say. It's nearing 4:15 and my day is pretty much over. I had no shield last night, so my body again woke me up earlier than needed at 6:15. Thank the gods I was able to sleep pretty soundly on campus in the parking lot, so I've gotten about 8 total hours of sleep.

Due to the limitations of the systems on Saturdays I didn't do any job stuff. I pretty much just messed around all day. I did some tech help type posts, suggested some hardware to a few people, but that was really it. I saw an episode of Sanctuary and tried to watch Clone Wars, but it wasn't connecting.

I'm debating what to do for dinner. I've got sandwich stuff, but Saturday is kind of unofficially Panda Express night. I do only have one charge for these two weeks though, as the other was used up on cafeteria foods, so I don't know if I'll use it right away. Seems forever since I last did though. The receipt/coupon shows the 8th, so it's been two and a half weeks.

I was sort of hoping for good news from dad money today to go play some WoW at the game center today / tonight, but no word from my friend/ex-roomie that I got anything in the mail from him. She kind of knows to keep an eye out for it for me, as it holds the answer for my playing Turkey weekend or not, so I'm sure she would have mentioned if it came in. Of course, if I won some lotto money or get a donation by Monday that would work too, but the odds of either is astronomical.

So... the only thing left tonight is maybe fancy dinner, more likely than not, heh, and hours upon hours of drive in dinner theater.

Time passes

Nomming dinner early. I was super hungry so I came to Panda Express ^.^ I'm mostly done and it's 7:15. I stopped by GameStop to ask how many peeps showed up last night. The main (only?) manager person told me there were nearly 180 peeps that picked it up at launch! I guess they had around 225 pre-orders total, so there are a bunch not picked up for some reason.

The oddest thing happened. A guy in full costume showed up. Upon quick inspection he looked like an old school priest, so noone gave him a second look. (Which in itself was odd as that kind of dress for a priest is unheard of around here.) But upon closer inspection he had a bag for stuffs, which led me to think it was LARP gear. But he also had spurs, which caused me to realize he had a white belt and was an SCA Knight. There must have been or will be a local event. I haven't seen anyone dressed around here in forever. Mostly you just see peeps dressed up who are near the event. He wasn't anyone I knew. I was with the local group way back in the day more years ago then I care to mention.

Nothing really new to report besides that. Obviously life goes on all around me. Girls are over at a table talking about some event they are going to. Sounds like a generic party. The SCA Knight going to or coming from a something. Two friends earlier, one that's never eaten here before (so I made sure they knew about the coupon and suggested she pick something different from her friend since she didn't know what to eat). A guy from one of my classes was here and we loled at the odds of being here at the same time on the same night. But me, nothing going on with me. I will just sit here for a while, let the food digest, then move on to sit in a parking lot for hours on end staring into space.

Day 145 - 11/23 - Iced car

Last night's fortune reads, "The current year will bring you much happiness" (in bed). Well... that's not much of a fortune (due to the odds of coming true) unless things change real fast. Not only do I not have a sweetie, but by the end of the current year in only 1.25 months I will have not even had access to my bed for half the year.

It's early Sunday morning time at just around 9. My car was a big ice cube from around 11 on last night. It's still half iced over even now.

I think I'll hop into the shower soon. Since I'm already up there isn't much point holding it off even though I likely only got 7-7.5 hours of sleep. I do have 'till 11 before I want to be near the little library room creating a 2 hour window to shower where noone else will be in there, so obviously there isn't much rush. But, meh, it's not like I have anything else to do really. There are some soccer peeps behind me, but they are behind a fence I don't think I can see through, so there is likely no entertainment value there. Noone else comes to this lot 'till 10 and noone comes to the other 'till like 11. Not much to see here on campus on Sundays for visual entertainment, but at least I'm not burning gas anymore driving 50 million places.

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I don't think I slept 'till past midnight. It wasn't the cold. It didn't really get cold 'till around 3. I think my brain is just excited trying to figure out how much I can play at the center and when, as well as just being sad about my situation. Still no friends, still no sweetie, still no more income when even as little as 15 hours a week at $10 an hour would allow me to not only pay the credit bills, but play WoW for about 6 hours a week every week. About three rabb1t peeps have said they'd house me and be friendly so far, but all were far off in different states. Even the close rabb1t friend/fan that gave me lunch twice now lives several hours away. (He travels for business in the surrounding areas, so meeting me were times he was passing through.)

Not much else to say with it being just now morning. I'm not really sad over the things I thought about last night and pretty much every day. Everyone is pretty much having fun with friends today, planning what to do or preparing for Turkey weekend next week, planning what to buy their friends and sweetie for Xmas, playing games, watching TV or movies. Me, I have none of that. Not really sad over it (into being depressed) or the inability of being able to find more income, more just like wtf.

Time passes

Another Sunday has come and gone. I got caught up with Epic Fail, had a few days to enter there. Checked for jobs; none over the weekend as usual. In fact, it will surprise me to see any next week at all what with the long weekend. I watched Clone Wars, but that was the only show I was behind on. Did some more helping with the few on the boards I've been helping lately, but that was it really. As usual it really was only about 1 hour of activity stretched out to 6 because I had nothing else to do.

Hardly anyone was in the room after 3. It was actually just me and one other person half the time. She was decently cute too, new, hadn't been in before. I felt extra lonely though because of such a small crowd. The people going places just reminded me more how alone I am right now. So now I am a touch sad about being alone and everything in my life. (Well, not in my life.) I guess not a whole lot more sad than usual, but certainly nowhere near as not sad as my best days.

I'll go to get a $1 item for dinner I think. Then it's just hours upon hours of drive in dinner theater. It's 6:20 now, so about 4 hours still to go before I should try and sleep.

Tomorrow I have to try and remember to post the .pdf of Epic Fail, as I won't get a chance on Wednesday. It will be a bit short, but I think most just read the web version anyways. Still, options are good.

Guess that's it for now. I hope I have enough to play some next weekend. The thought of such a family / friend oriented holiday passing and being on my own on the cold streets...

From the laboratory of Chief Scientist Miles Woolyard,

The specimen I have received is absolutely fascinating. The first of it's kind. My discoveries could very well change the shape of things to come and finally turn this war around. I can hardly contain my boyish excitement as I jot down these findings.

To begin, what we previously thought was body armor is not armor at all in the traditional sense. They are hardened bioorganic plates, an exoskeleton. Some plates are quite large while others are no bigger than one's thumbnail. They shift and move via a system of dermal musculature. If I understand these muscles correctly they connect to glands which detect a pheromone which is produced when the creature or creatures near it put off a faint electrical charge. This causes the muscles to relax into different position allowing for higher mobility over higher defense. It seems the creature may react instinctively when threatened and sort of seal up their armored layer. You will note I mentioned this was a creature and not a man. Contrary to previous thought our enemy is no human, yet neither is it completely alien in the sense it is not from the world we know, but it is most certainly not from beyond the stars.

The weapon is also not what we thought. While completely alien in nature, at the core lies what is left of a man-made conventional weapon. The outer layer is completely alive, shifting and moving as one gazes upon it. Sadly I can't say the same about our friend on the table. He is the first enemy to be recovered at all, so that in itself is something. The weapon appears to be encased in a bioorganic substance which was originally gelatinous and later became semi-rigid. Creatures can be observed moving about a honeycomb like structure in a layer further into the weapon. What we originally thought was manufactured ammunition appears to be fragments of these smaller larval creatures. It is my theory that these creatures evolve into the hive creatures we have previously examined. Upon dissection of those creatures we found that their proboscis and forelegs were tiny javelins as hard as steel. It is my theory that a modified weapon such as this could house those creatures and their limbs would serve as an ammunition supply, possibly leading to an endless supply depending on the regeneration and maturation cycles.

The evidence supports the oddest of notions about the origin of our enemy. The hardened outer shell providing resistance to heat, the bioelectric charge causing a relaxation of the armor plating, the modified human weaponry... yes I now agree with the theory these creatures are indeed coming from underground. As crazy as our boys may sound when they say it, these creatures may truly be from Hell itself. I dub this soldier type "Hellion".

Day 146 - 11/24 - Tradition

Lunch time; just past noon. Not much going on today so far. There are a few job postings, but nothing super exciting (in terms of super happy career type stuff.) It's kind of military show day. I watched 24: Redemption, which seems just like a 2 hour pilot to season 7 which starts in a few months, and I watched the Unit.

I'm going to see about transfer paperwork later so I can do future semesters here. Classes on a real campus would be way better than on the remote one where there is no library, no cafeteria, no real bookstore, and only like a dozen classrooms. Not to mention that one is like 20 minutes away while this one I'm always at is like 5, heh.

That's really it. No word from dad on Turkey money, which hopefully means I'll get it before the day.

Oh, there is some good news at least. Next semester starts up like early January, so there will only be about three weeks between semesters. I don't know if school will be shut down or not yet, but more than likely my access would be pretty limited in that between time. Of course we can continue to hope I'll have a job and/or home by the time we need to worry about it three weeks from now, but only being three weeks it is more likely than not things will still be poo for teh poor bunny.

This Turkey day will be strange. Much like the last 4th of July was strange, this holiday too will be strange. For the past seven Turkey days I've always had the weekend off. Turkey day proper I've pretty much always played games, watched TV, my roomie cooks all day (she liked that hehe), and in the evenings we would usually watch a something. (Not on Turkey day I'd often do homework, only rarely would I do homework on Turkey day proper.) The day was always filled with friendship and fun. The past few years things were a bit different since her boyfriend like hates me or whatever. More of the day than not I'd be separate in my room, but still we ate together. Didn't really hang and watch stuff together in the evenings so much though. But this year, nothing for me. I will try my best to find money to be at the gaming center, but that wouldn't happen until 6 PM and on. It seems more than likely I may not have enough and I may have to hide in a restaurant parking lot as everywhere else will be closed. Back in the day in previous years by myself I'd get a little $5 game hen, box stuffing (which is the best ), maybe a carrot, and pumpkin pie for dessert. Were I in a home alone now that's what I'd do. Sad to cook for just myself, but tradition is tradition. It seems, much like my tradition on the 4th of July, this too will pass uncelebrated.

I hope everyone else out there gets to continue their tradition or maybe make new ones with friends and family. I'm sure many of you will spend time with loved ones, and not so loved ones (heh), maybe you will be away from your game(s) wanting to play, maybe some of you will be showing off your games (or movies or other toys) to others and sharing what you live. Whatever it is you do this weekend, happy holidays peeps.

Day 147 - 11/25 - Rise of the Turkey King

A slow and sleepy day so far. It was actually kind of warm last night for winter. I had no pants on for half the night; a first since summer some months ago. My windows were only half frosted when I got up to move. Still no shield; it may remain in the odd spot past this weekend. At least one of the brighter lot lights are off, so I'm nearly as cloaked in shadow as I would be with the shield. Of course I'm exposed without it, but being in the back section I'm safe unless someone specifically goes in to the back.

It's lunch time now; some time just after noon. Super tasty chicken dumpling soup and crackers, and Animal Cracker cookies.

As expected, almost no job postings at all. I watched Terminator, Heroes, and How I Met Your Mother; Monday TV pwns. I'm still upset I can't see Big Bang Theory. I still don't understand why that's not shown online anymore.

I dropped a note about the gaming center on the site. Maybe some rabb1t fan(s) will call them to donate some time to me. I think I can eek a 6 hour time period out of my budget without too much worry as long as dad sends 1x, but that would be it without extra from dad. I'll check tonight after school shuts down. I've gotten emails from my friend/ex-roomie this morning so she may be working from home or taking a few extra days off from work. She may send word if it comes in the mail around 3-4.

I think I finally captured an amazing dawn. Odd how this many have come and gone and they have always been average. I guess just a reminder from Fate that what you seek may not be easily found if you are looking for something rare, and it may not happen when you are actually looking or expect to find it.

Everyone is figuring out their schedule for next semester. I should go look into that. I have to talk to a counselor about what transfers how as this campus has a different numbering scheme for classes despite being a "sister school".

hehe Photography student here taking some kooky pictures. I gave her a rabb1t card. She can see my kooky amateur photography pictures. She's pretty cute, but she has a 'plain' wedding ring, so she's likely taken.

Oh, that's odd. Lunch has been over for a while and it's only just now 12:10. It must have been closer to 11:30 when I came in.

Nom nom nom Animal crackers for teh win.

Um... I guess that's it for now. k thx bye

Time passes

The familiar and the strange... It's 6:15. I went to the car to get a dinner soup and people are coming and going. The day people are all going home, the night people just arriving. Familiar, as I've done both in the past. Strange that I can do neither now. I'm eating early because I'm totally hungry now. Familiar, as it is my new time to eat more often than it is not. Strange, as I normally wouldn't cook till 7:30 and not eat until 8 while I watch a show. I used to play games and watch TV until around midnight, get up between 9:30-10:30. Now I can't play games and I am getting up between 6-7 to avoid being seen in my car. So much of my life is familiar now which only a few months ago was so strange. So much of my life which was familiar is becoming a distant memory, almost faded away now. My life becomes strange more and more day by day and I worry that the strange is starting to become familiar and that which once was may never be again.

I am finally current on Girl Genius, but outside of reading that nothing else has changed since our last chat. No new job postings at all, no emails, no calls. It seems strange I haven't mentioned The Order of the Stick yet. It's my absolute favorite web comic. So simple, yet it's happy, sad, intriguing, and full of lol sometimes. It's updated two or three times a week, so I guess I'm just so used to checking it that it's like my hardware news sites - I don't see a point in letting you peeps know about the daily routine unless something intriguing transpires.

My transition to this campus was mostly just automatic. I think it took less than five minutes (each) for two different online steps. I do still need to check with a counselor to see what classes convert how to know what I should sign up for. I don't think I could do that (sign up) without paying though. The semester doesn't start for about five weeks (?), so I've got a while. But, the sooner I can sign up the better.

Guess that's it really. I've got a touch of shopping to do after campus closes (at like 9:30). I figure I'll get soups on the off chance I can play this weekend and have access to a micro. If not, meh, they are soups. They'll keep 'till I use them.

I'll check mail after that for dad's money. Things would likely be too tight to play at all without getting money from him. I'll have about $25 after shopping tonight and to make that last a week... it would be extremely difficult. Well, a lot can happen in the less than 24 before Wednesday's mail, so we can always hope.

Guess that's it for now. Hopefully I'll have good news to report later. If you don't hear back... Internet blackout with no playing at all would likely be the next thing to follow...

Time passes

Well, my friend/ex-roomie did send word of a dad card being there, but she said it feels like a gift card. If that's the case I'm likely screwed both for playing and for bills. As you peeps may remember the last gift card took like two weeks to flip and I only got 80% of the value. If I'm to play this weekend I basically have to have the money I spend replaced ASAP. I don't really have two weeks to borrow it from what's left. I'd have likely about one week at most. I don't know... I guess we'll see, but if it's a (retail) store gift card... odds would weigh extremely heavily against me.

It's nearing 9:15 PM. I'll go to pick up the mail in about one hour. Guess I'll know more then.

Time passes

Well, super sad time for me. My friend/ex-roomie was right, as were my fears when I read her email. It is a gift card and it is for a store I don't shop at. What is worse is that it is 50% of what I budgeted, and being a gift card I'll take a hit for that, meaning I'll be lucky to get 35-40% of what I budgeted.

At this point there is no way I can be a happy bunny and play this weekend without serious help. (Or by putting myself even shorter on money for bills.) My budget needs about $85 to hit a balance point in only a few weeks, and even if nice people send donations I couldn't get them in time to move them to my account to play.

The only way I can play this weekend would be if there were donations sent straight to the center. I will keep hoping to hear about such donations. I'll check in with the center now and then, but it seems like I'll most likely be sitting in my car all weekend, alone, cold, and sad.

Day 148 - 11/26 - Planning to be bad

Even though I really really shouldn't, I think I may go to the center and play for a short while tomorrow. I've got the free 10 day re-activation, so if I don't use it I'd have to pay $15 for the monthly subscription in order to play. (The offer expires in about 2.5 weeks.) That's like a $7 free time coupon, so I'd hate to lose it. Plus, it allows me to start jewel crafting. I don't have Burning Crusade and the only trainer is in that area. Once I lose access to that area I'd cap at whatever rank I am. Mostly though... I think it would be too sad to not be near peeps on Turkey day. Even if it's not real in that I don't know them, they aren't family or friends; at least I wouldn't be alone. I would be with fellow gamers.

It's probably a bad idea, what with needing $85 to balance increasing that distance is a poor choice. But, overdue bills are overdue bills. They will already be late either way. Play or not there is no way for me to pay them anytime soon (since I didn't get what I hoped from dad.) Good news though, the next two weeks I get the double shift, so that will help a bit. Hopefully around Xmas I can get caught up.

I brought my towel in to dry, but it seems that may prove more difficult than I thought. It's nearing noon and it's raining medium heavy.

I put the dumb stupid gift card up for sale at $40, but I don't expect it to sell anytime soon. It amazes me that dad still falls to that store when he has no cash, the same one he's gotten me gift certificates too... well my whole life, when he could instead get one at Amazon or even a generic gift card that acts like a regular credit card. Anyways...

I watched Fringe and a bit of the Office. I'm like two seasons behind on that. I'm also way behind on House and NCIS, but it's so difficult to spend time watching my shows on the computer. I hate feeling like I'm monopolizing it when others may need it.

Despite happy shows I am a very sad bunny today. My ears are all flopped and unlikely to perk up. The only calls I get these days are ones from people demanding money. The days pass and I have no emails on jobs, encouragement from rabb1t peeps is super rare, and donations rarer still. Girls I flirt with quickly fade and I've not gotten any replies at all to my notifying the Steampunk con about my pictures / small write up or the game center to let them know some may call with time donations for me. I feel very unspecial and unappreciated - Like things have been bad so long that no one cares anymore. Today my mood and future seem as troubled and gray as the skies above.

Time passes

Super early dinner at 5:45. Nothing new to report really. It's dark out, misty kind of rain. This is the kind of night I love when in a home - particularly if you have big windows to look out of without getting cold. The light pitter patter of the rain, the flaring of lights, the soft glow around the stars.

I'm wondering what to do tomorrow. I'd hate to sit in a parking lot like all day 'till the game center opens. If I get up at like 7:30 that would be roughly 10 hours of sitting in one or two lots, though I likely don't have much choice. Hopefully I can hide fairly unseen. I know Safeway will be open until the game center opens, but good god that would be a boring place to sit. Likely anywhere I sit would either be boring or at risk of seeming suspicious.

Um... that's it really. There likely won't be much to say this weekend.

Day 149 - 11/27 - Turkey play

It's just before 8. It's going to be a long day. I'm killing a bit of time in front of my ex-house after picking up my game key for later. Everyone in the neighborhood is totally asleep. The only people likely awake on this whole coast right now are those who need to make a trip somewhere and those raiding. (And, of course, morning people who are always up this early.)

Not much to say just yet. I guess once I get to the store I can try and hide there for like three or more hours, but unless it's a pretty steady crowd I'll likely be at a high suspicion level. I can't think of anywhere I wouldn't be today. Tomorrow and the weekend I'm fine, but today nothing is open and police patrols may be high.

I had a super small cry last night. I've been feeling like I did in the early days lately - how my room is still my room and if I go back to the house all my stuff will still be in its proper place. I miss my room, my computer ready to play or do school stuff, my movies, my bed.

My ex-roomies are so lazy. They've got this wood thing out front. I don't even know what it is. They put a bunch of wood out for people to take with a sign it was for teh free like two months ago and this was left over. It's still here, in exactly the same spot. See, now me, I'd have taken it apart and burnt it up myself only a week or two after putting it out. But then I'm kind of obsessive like that. I set out to clean something, get rid of something, set up something, and it's done pretty quickly. Sure, I can be lazy sometimes, but mostly if I have a something to do I do it so things can be properly balanced and in their place. Nothing wasted and no waste. The only boxes around will be ones for items I would sell some day or they are boxes of games I'm no longer playing at the moment but still want to keep. I regret not being able to keep more of the old ones I once loved. I pretty much just have a few online ones and maybe half a dozen others or less.

Just after 8. I'd love to stay 'till 8:30, but I may need to pee too much to stay that long, heh. I'll pee at the store.

I'll likely check at the college after I leave the store to see if the school showers are open. I highly doubt they will be, but there were sometimes in the past even when there weren't any classes, so you never know.

8:15, nearly to my target 8:30 leaving time. I guess that's something. It's so sad my life is in a box. So much of me is seen in my stuff - the movies and games I collect, how I've arranged things, how I've set up things. So much of me feels like it can't be shared right now. I guess that's just because I can't invite a potential sweetie or friends over to cook for them or watch movies or play games. I suppose I could still take stuff to them, but still. Isn't that the whole point of getting stuff? To enjoy it and share with others?

Well, that's all I can think of for now. Let the sad day of waiting hours upon hours begin...

Time passes

It's not all that much later, just now past 9:15. I'm surprised at the activity level at the store. I'm very well hidden at the moment. I expect activity to die down by noon, certainly by 3, bur right now it's as busy if not busier than an average peak time on any other day. There is a hustle and bustle of people getting things for later, things for sharing, things they forgot, things others forgot. A day of celebrating life, things you love, of reminding people you care even if you may not get along. At least it is for almost everyone.

Time passes

It's exactly noon. I paused at school, but it was all closed. A campus patrol car came in as I was leaving and he sort of looked at me like, 'What are you doing here, crazy person?' While it's true it is highly unusual as the campus is closed, it is also true there were like a dozen joggers on the track and what looked like part of the football team practicing strategies, so it's not like campus is really totally closed and I'm the only one on the planet, now is it?

The Target I kill time at was closed, but Whole Foods (Market) is just around the corner and they are open and have a massive parking lot. I've never actually been in this one. This is a new super ginormous location they moved into a year or two ago from a smaller location. It is actually pretty cool in there. I killed about 15 minutes looking around. There are stores within stores, heh. Looks like a vastly superior salad and deli compared to anything I've ever seen before where they have racks upon racks of food. Produce looks really tasty and fresh. 'Well, why don't you shop there mister I want to be healthier and be in better shape rabb1t?' Well, a few reasons. Mostly, a fair bit of what I snack on is "junk", so mostly shopping trips, even when I have a home to cook in would be for stuff that isn't sold here, so I'd have to make a second trip. But really it's for cost reasons. Everything, being organic, is more expensive than regular food. As all you peeps know I have never had a job that's offered me much to spare, so regularly / permanently increasing my food costs hasn't been an option in my life so far. Hopefully I can some day soon though.

Hopefully you peeps are all having fun with family and friends. Me... I'll be sitting in this parking spot for the next four to five hours, then I'll head over to the game center, sit for an hour or two, then finally I can do a something. Maybe there will even be a surprise time donation waiting for me or a visiting rabb1t fan, or maybe I'll find new fans or friends, maybe even a sweetie. There were a few cuties there last time. Who knows.

Time passes

I had to move. The store closed at 2. It is nearing 2:30 and much to my surprise drive in theater is running. It's a bit hard to see with the glare of the day on the window, but it should be entertaining until 5 when I move over to wait at the center. (I think it may be East Indian, not Greek. There is a smaller logo I could never read in the dark which reads "tandori".) I think earlier might be suspicious, but who knows, maybe there are people already waiting to get in. I guess I'll find out later. Eeeee so excited I can finally play for a bit (even though I shouldn't.)

Time passes

I've decided to be extra bad and go with 24 hours of play time. It's more expensive at $24, but $24 for 24 hours gets me $1 per hour vs. 6 hours at $15, which works out to $2.50 per hour.

It will likely strain my food, as that leaves me $7 until Thursday, so I may have some weird meals. But in terms of value, it's way better.

It certainly doesn't help pay my overdue bills, but at only $9 more it won't really hurt that situation either.

It's nearing 5, so I guess I'll go sit outside to officially be first. How sad is that, heh.

Day 150 - 11/28 - Overstimulation

It's way too late/early in the morning, 3:45 AM. I don't think I'll get any sleep tonight. Even though people are quiet, the like 3 or 4 that are here, there is a stereo here that the attendant person is playing pretty loud. There is no way I could sleep with all this noise. There seems to be no real 'quiet zone' where you aren't bombarded with the noise. (Unless they turned it off, in which case the systems are still pretty loud.) I suppose it's ok. It's just one night of missed sleep. I should be able to catch up a bit in the next few nights. I won't have school to sleep at 'till Monday, but I can go to the spot a touch early without too much worry and should be ok 'till 7:30 AM.

Sadly there seems to be issues with my Lich King code, so I actually haven't been able to play Death Knight yet. If Burning Crusade is required I'll be very super sad. There was a nice worker peep here who hooked me up with a donation for a real monthly subscription (*wave* thanks Brian ), but that hasn't fixed it. I don't know if I need a retail Burning Crusade key or if it was the trial key that was holding me back. Supposedly customer support will be open at 8, so I can check in about 4 hours.

It's ok, good to have fun with an alt, but sad I haven't been able to play Death Knight yet and may not. Due to not having quiet time I doubt I'll stay here past midnight again. Teh rabb1t normally prefers super quiet time past 10.

Hopefully I'll have good news later. Hope everyone enjoyed their Turkey day and is snuggled warm in bed and sleepin' now. Wish I could be.

Time passes

It's about 9:30. I've confirmed I need Burning Crusade to unlock Lich King. On the good side I got another shirt for teh free and 3 more hours of free time. So now I'm up to 7 hours for teh free. I just have to get Burning Crusade.

In a bit of irony back a while ago I helped someone form their guild. The name is what's ironic - Resurrection. I also told someone about my site who was looking at PC parts here in the store.

Not much else to report. Still about 8.5 hours left here to play. Sadly it will all be in my alt bod or just doing regular stuff. I watched Survivor and Bones earlier, so I'm current on shows really.

Time passes

It's just after 6:45 PM. My time is up. I had a fun time. I'm still very sad it wasn't made clear you must have the Burning Crusade in order to apply the Lich King key. As I think I mentioned, nowhere in any article / preview / review / sales material did I see mention of that fact pre-launch. Now, post launch, it is somewhat easy to find on the GameStop page. Amazon currently shows a $20 price for Burning Crusade, so hopefully that is a permanent drop. Thanks to the nice friendly Brian manager person I have a full month of access. That increases the chance I can play more before my time is up.

I feel very clear minded at the moment, although I have a touch of a headache. I was basically over stimulated the whole time - bombarded by sound and to a lesser degree lights. I did have a lot of fun, did a fair bit of regular web surfing, watched some shows, and even checked for jobs.

The event started with half a dozen or so people by 8 PM Turkey day, but after midnight it rapidly cleared out. By about 2 AM there were only about 3 of us left, and by 4:30 pretty much I was it besides two guys that worked there.

I won some stuffs. I got two 3 hour time coupons, plus 1 for a survey, so I've got 7 total hours I can use in the future. I also got two t-shirts which are meh. They will likely be house cloths. Currently I'm holding the record for longest logged in hours at 23 hours and 18 minutes, but if someone was logged in for around 45% or more of the time remaining they would win, so it won't be tough to beat me. However, if noone beats me, if I hold that record I've won a full month free play at the center. Part of that means I haven't slept in the past 24 hours outside of a dozen or so cases where I shut my eyes and was out for 5-10 seconds. I expect I'll sleep pretty good tonight.

I don't know if I will join the server my friend/ex-roomie and her sister are on for my new main character. It is less bad off in terms of the economy and it does have a much lower, seemingly friendlier player base than when I last left my former server some 3 years ago, so it is great for a small regular group with them. However, it may be too small of a player base for my main as I tend to solo and stay unguilded. Grouping can be tough for me. I saw like two, maybe three people total from level 1-10 (granted that took place from 10 PM to 6 AM server time), but even from 10-13 when I moved to a different area and grouped with my friend/ex-roomie and her sister there was still almost no interaction at all with others. It's like going to a movie premier and no one is there, or an amusement park where you don't have to stand in line. Sure, it is better in some ways like that, but in others it's eerie. You expect a certain level of activity in a MMOG, and part of why I wind up leaving is when that is too low. I suppose it is a fairly moot point, as I won't have the spare money to have a choice. I must start my Death Knight on the old server and stay there for a bit.

It was great to play again, certainly it's own little world in the suck that is my life. And at only $0.77 so far (including the unplayed 7 free hours) it was a really good deal in terms of hourly fees. It was very sad that I had no control over my environment. As I've said a lot so far, you really don't realize just how precious private space and the ability to control your environment are until you've lost that control.

Will I go back? Sure sure. If I had the money I'd go back once a week, maybe twice, for 4-6 hours per session. If I do win the monthly pass I'll likely wind up going about 40 hours a week, spend my afternoons, some evenings, and most of my weekends there. Being able to play and have good internet access would be great, plus they have the micro, but the overstimulation is a bit much.

I'm not as exhausted as I thought I'd be though. It feels like it's about 3 or 4 hours later than it is, but that's it really. I don't feel the urge or desire to pass out or go into convulsions.

All in all a good time. Plus I had fun with my friend/ex-roomie, who I can't see much because of her boyfriend that like hates me, plus her sis was there, who I don't think I've seen for years. Financially, right now, I don't regret it. The money I spent won't really have changed anything had I not spent it and instead saved it for overdue bill and fees for next semester. Those wouldn't have been paid (soon) either way.

As always though, I wish I could have been in my room, with my system set how I like, with my temperature I like, with my surrounding noise and light levels, and gods you all know how I'd love to be able to log out at a reasonable hour then flop onto my bed to sleep and then wake up, do a touch of homework then start the cycle again. I'm sure I will again some day, but right now that day seems like a very long way off.

Day 151 - 11/29 - Recovery and Realization

It's early morning, nearing 8:30. I dropped off the Lich King code. It was sad, as I'm yet again symbolically putting away my fun to be in storage where I can't play with it. In an odd bit of irony, this morning is as incredibly foggy as it was on launch night. I got some pics.

I don't think I'll do anything today worth mentioning. Outside of lazy people like this one just now who are too lazy to walk their cart 10 feet to the cart cage, nothing will probably happen today. I can't get to a shower and public library access is too slow to be worth it.

I wish I could join these peeps on their holiday shopping fun. But I have no money, and outside of my ex-roomie and maybe her sis, there isn't anyone I'd buy presents for. If I could I'd get her a Blu-ray, probably a Disney something, though I don't know if she got a player yet. (I still bet her guy got an HD-DVD player because he hates me - to choose what I didn't, ya know?) Lich King, obviously, and Raving Rabbids TV Party for teh lolz. I have no monies though. Hopefully I can get her one of those. We'll see I guess.

Um... that's it I guess. Hope everyone is having a good / fun Turkey day weekend.

Time passes

Oh, happy thought just now. I think the month sub that the nice person donated won't start counting until after my 10 free trial days are up. Wouldn't that be awesome? It makes more sense than overriding it. That means I'd have until the 5th of January before I'd need to worry. Yea. That gives me through the holidays to hold my free game center hours to see if I can get Lich King activated. Though, I may spend some hours here and there with my ex-roomie and her sis on the alt bod.

Time passes

It's just about 12:15 now. I zonked out for a bit earlier. I wasn't really sleepy when I'd gotten to this lot, so I didn't know if I would get more sleep. I guess I was napping for 1-1.5 hours, so... total sleep last night / this morning was... heh 11-11.5 hours. Not too surprising since I missed a night.

The fog has gone. It's warmed up enough I just have one layer on. I went over to GameStop to mess around with some demos, but none of them were on. I did find a mini remote for the PS3 for $20, which would be pretty cool. Last I checked the full sized remote was still $30, which is just a silly amount to pay for it. I flipped through some WoW strategy guides, saw some atlases, but those were sealed. I always thought those seemed nice, but really unnecessary - never had the extra to get them. That's it really.

I have really missed WoW and I hope I can get re-established so I can be a regular subscriber again. I doubt I'd spend the 40-80 hours per week there that I used to. I just would completely burn out again, but 20-30 hours per week would be super fun I think.

2008 seems to have been the massive fail for me. Now that it's coming to a close I hope the positive things I did find can continue forward to be super happy in the coming years.

Time passes

It's 6:15 and I'm at drive in dinner theater. I have a bit of a crazy dinner. It's like a picnic. I've got a bit of roast beef and some crackers and one soda. That's it. I'll be thin on food the next few days due to pushing things on the gaming fun, but I'll be ok.

Nothing much new. I stopped in at the slow library for a bit to kill time. Between like 4 when I arrived and 6 when I left it went from warm to pretty cold. It cooled off way fast.

That's it. I survived yet another day of nothing without going insane. Tomorrow will again be basically nothing, but at least I can micro dinner if I go to the game center. Who knows, I may win the free month. I highly doubt it though.

Um... guess that's probably it for tonight. k thx bye

Day 152 - 11/30 - Getting to know Petraclies

It's around 9. I've been up since like 7:30, got about 8-9 hours sleep. It was somewhat cold, but things weren't iced over until the early morning hours. My back window is about 2/3 defrosted now, so things are warming up again pretty quickly.

I'm at the same spot I spent about 10 hours at yesterday. The school clock bells went off at 8 this morning, which is very unusual. They only go off when something is open. If they go off again at 9 and 10 I'll head over at 10 and see if the showers are open. They aren't supposed to be, but it could be they changed their mind or something. Seems like crazy talk to think they would put up a 'we will be closed x-y' sign then change, but I suppose anything is possible.

I think I'll go to the library at noon with the only goal being to kill two hours. Maybe that will help a bit with the boredom. It's only a few minutes down the road, maybe like half a mile, so it's not far or anything.

Op, 9:06, the bells didn't go off again. I thought that would have been odd. I wonder why they went off at 8.

I don't expect anything interesting to happen today besides my brief check at the game center. I expect not to win anything else, but you never know I suppose.

Time passes

So I have to tell you peeps this. It took everything I had not to ROFL hysterically. I go in to Whole Foods to pee, as I did it several times at the other store the other day, so I'll stay here for a bit instead. So I go past the bakery section and I see some tasty looking muffins. I say to myself, "oooh, tasty looking muffins. Wonder how much they are." I have no monies, but was curious for future reference. I see $2.30 and think, "I wonder how many you get for a pound" then notice that's not per pound, that's each - for muffins no bigger than your fist, muffins that are a touch smaller than the ones that come in a 12-pack at Costco for $5. (Granted I haven't been there in 12+ years, prices could be different now.) I look around and there are Danish, about $3 for a pack of regular ones on sale, again $2.30 each here. Bagels $1 a pop, cookies, simple chocolate chip and other well known types, also like $2 each. Even Mrs. Fields, last I saw, were only about $1.25-1.5 each. It was all I could do to not laugh hysterically and ask if the owners were insane. The only thing that kept me from doing so was realizing I was in a whole different world, one where money meant nothing and quality meant everything. These are the kind of people who drop $6k on a system that gets 30% better framerates than a $2k system because money isn't what matters. I can't imagine a world where I drop nearly $2.50 on a muffin for breakfast, who knows what for juice, and not care about the cost. It would be nice to live in such a world, but I don't think I will ever get the chance.

Time passes

It's 11, so not all that much later in the day, but I remembered something you peeps may find interesting. I found a 'who is' service, don't recall the name, but it gave me some rough stats for my site. It estimated 57 unique people per day, which sounds about right for what I used to see in my official stats. That's just short of 21k unique people a year. So, I've gained about 1k peeps this year. Not a lot, but I never seem to go down. I think the first year I officially had the name I probably got 2k unique per year. I'd had the site and name as a 'gamer tag' for about a year prior to having the domain name. Then the next around 7.5k the next year. Then I jumped to over double that to around 18k a year. Then recently I've been in the 20-21k range. Thanks for visiting the site and stuffs peeps. The thing also said I was ranked around 4.5 million down from the #1 website. I have no clue what that means. How many websites are on teh Intarwebs? Heh. The site only seemed to be excited if you were within the top 100k, so I'm a really long way off from there. I doubt I'll ever get too much higher than I am now. I'd like to offer more news / event coverage, but I need travel and equipment money for that. It would also be cool to offer a 'build it for me' option on the system builds and do builds for people, but that is tricky business. I'd need a home to attach a business name to, get a resale license, file quarterly taxes, etc. It is certainly doable, but not without at least a small amount of startup cash and home to attach all that to. (Or a place of business, which I expect would cost more in rent.) Although, at a small build fee of like $150 per build, doing one build per 'work day' I'd make a fairly decent earning. Not sure if ~20 peeps per month would request a build though, heh. I'd guess it would be closer to maybe 5.

Anyways... got pretty rambly there, but it's interesting stuff to someone I suppose.

Time passes

Did my computer time. It's a totally good thing I did too. Someone on the boards asked if this poo 8400 GS card was any good and would work for a certain game. At $80 it was pure insanity. NewEgg only wanted $30 for that exact card. Why the store he linked wanted more than double is beyond me.

I found some interesting movie news at Amazon. It looks like Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is set for DVD launch in mid December. Oddly there is no Blu-ray listing. Although Amazon does have a Blu-ray listing for Buffy, one of my favorite shows I have all the DVDs for. I think that is a theoretical listing by Amazon. I don't see it referenced at other sites and it has no picture. Amazon does that sometimes. They also seem to have a theoretical Blu-ray listing for Supernatural season 4.

Earlier today I was thinking it's been forever since I heard the odd car noise. Of course just these past two trips I hear the sound, but now it has partly changed. It now sounds more like a metallic 'sheerek-sheeerk' instead of so much a 'poppety-popa'. Again, there are no symptoms other than the noise, and it is still only when I'm in gear. I hope the car isn't going to break. I can't afford any repairs. I can't even afford tires and those are getting really bad.

I'm starving; Time for a cracker snack. Several hours till I go to check the game center.

Oh, I also saw the church people on campus as I drove by to go to the library. I decided to check if the lockers were open and they were. I got private time to shave my parts, and suuuuppper clean everything. Plus, being a warmer day for winter the towel will actually dry. Now I should be good to go for shower cleanliness 'till Wednesday. I hate to do it so rarely, but what with the towel never drying out in the cold I don't have much choice.

Guess that's it for now.

Day 153 - 12/1 - December free play

I realized this morning that you peeps won't get yesterday's title. Awesome happy things transpired yesterday. A peep who wants to be anonymous donated Burning Crusade to me, yeeeaaa! I got to activate Lich King and start my Death Knight, Petraclies. Not only that but I won the contest at the center and got a free month pass for December. I played for about 6 hours last night because the nice peep activated me for all of last night's remaining time (8 potential hours) instead of just the 4 I had credit for (one of the 3 hour coupons plus the 1 other hour.) I only got to level 58, just free of the Lich King's grasp, but I didn't want to stop playing.

Lots and lots of fun will ensue during December. I'll mostly play WoW, but I can also play lots of other games I don't have access to like; Gears of War (1 and 2), Halo 3, Left 4 Dead, Portal, and more.

I'll be there most of the day on Saturday and Sunday, and a few hours in the afternoons and evenings during the week. I have class this and next week, but the other two weeks in December I can play those nights. The school computer systems do give me access to some things that the game center doesn't, so I will still spend my mornings and early afternoons on campus. (While they are open. Not sure when they close for Xmas / New Year's break.) Plus there are the showers, heh.

Early lunch time now at 11:30. I spent 3 solid hours in the little computer room. About 2.5 was getting Epic Fail current, the remaining bit was getting my site current. Just a few changes there, but still.

Today and maybe the next few days will be super busy. I have a project due tonight then have to work on two final projects. (One just a paper and one a "book report".) I'd have done them weeks ago if I were in a home, but being homeless has really destabilized my motivation. Hopefully I can re-settle here on this campus next semester and be better able to focus (if I'm still homeless) since I'll have full resource access. Limited access to books and material this semester has really thrown me off.

Also, due to my play time last night, I have the first new screen shots for my WoW site, including shots of Petraclies for portraits.

I better get going. Two papers to work on, a book to find / check out / read, and I should check on seeing a counselor to see what classes translate how as the last one wasn't sure and has sent me to see that specific department.

K thx bye

Day 154 - 12/2 - Regaining emotional balance

I was in a pretty good mood this morning despite only getting 6 hours of sleep, but now I'm kind of depressed. I'll get to that in a bit after we rewind.

Last night I decided to play a bit after class. I didn't play much, just about 2 hours, but it was like the old days. I only gained a tiny bit of experience, but I started jewel crafting and got half way through its first rank. It felt like I am finally able to regain emotional balance. I was happy, calm, and looking forward to starting the school projects I need to do in the morning.

This morning my needle was completely flat lined on empty as I pulled in to the lot. Some money on the way to me hasn't yet gotten to my account and I have no food for dinner save for a handful of crackers, cereal and Pepsi. I don't know what I will do. Without that money I have like $1.25 I could use on gas, provided I make it to the bank then the gas station; both of which are about 1/2 mile from campus. I was on my way to preparing a sign and donation cup just now, as I've settled in for lunch, but I decided against it. That just seemed too sad, despite the fact that asking a few people for a quarter each could very rapidly get me the $2.50 for a gallon of gas. It's different with my site. There I provide a service and people can donate if they want. Here (in the cafeteria on campus) it's begging for no service provided and doesn't feel right. The cutie Cheri is in the little computer room. Maybe if she is still there after lunch I'll see if I can borrow a couple of bucks for a couple of days 'till my pay comes.

I watched some shows and had more to talk about, but the news of my not getting the money I have been waiting for and thus have no gas and an empty tummy has depressed me.

I'll start my reading for my book report after lunch, then later today collect my $1.25 from the bank and hop over to the game center. Maybe the gift card lady will contact me again to meet today at the lower price to get it today for $35 if she comes here, but on the phone she sounded older and... confused... so I doubt she would take me up on it.

Hum... maybe I should have set up the cup. There are these church people here again walking around asking for donations. That's like the third or fourth time I've seen them in the past month or so. Nothing against the church or people donating, but still.

Time passes

So I took a calculated risk. I used my card as a credit card for gas. There is $15 on the way to my account that will be there in the morning, as well as the lady saying she'd buy the gift card. I should be fine as one or both of those will go in to cover the charge by/on tomorrow. I got denied for food though. I went to Panda Express, got a free sample of food (which you can always ask for) but my card was denied. The charge never shows up until the 3rd day after, so I don't know why that was denied. No dinner for me save for cereal.

Maybe my play time will cheer me up. It's only 4:40, so lots of time before I should go to sleep.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008, 2009
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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