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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

Day 351 - 6/17 - Farewell dinner

It's around 3:15, such a busy day so far. I had to get up early for a seminar thing. It was ok, then I went to work. After, I had to run over to a store to look for stuff for a project thing I'm doing tonight, which I haven't had time to do any work on yet because I've been spending all my time on the dumb rewrite. The store was next door to the movie theater, so I picked up tickets to Year One on Sunday and Transformers 2 at midnight on Tuesday. I'll go stand in line for that right after my final.

Busy, busy, busy so far today. After class I supposedly have a farewell dinner with the friendly peeps from class. That should be fun, but I don't expect any future friendliness. They've had my email and phone number for a while now and never called or written so far.

Well, snack is just about over and I've got right around 2 hours to finish preparing that project, so I better scoot. At this point, as sad and unusual as this is for me to say, I'd really just rather that class were over and I were done with that professor, even if I just get a C. She's been a terrible teacher and the whole class has felt like it's been a waste of time. I've learnt absolutely nothing from the experience and it's caused more stress than gain - unless these peeps become new friends that stick around.

Guess that's all for now, but I likely won't say more until tomorrow due to being too busy. K thx bye.

Day 352 - 6/18 - Get in the pool

It's morning time at aquatics mini work. Morning peeps. The seminar/training thing was kind of fun. They got in the pool and did fake classes so everyone would know what classes are like. I asked my boss if I was supposed to get a swimsuit days ago and she said no, so I was one of the only two people not swimming. (I guess others with my job did bring a suit.) It looked fun. I stuck my feets into the pool, hehe. I guess it's ok that I didn't get in, as I had to leave to come here for work shortly after.

Rewinding in time... some of us peeps from class did wind up going to eat after. We had a lot of lolz. Not counting the final next week I don't know if I'll see them again or not. They have my card with my email and number and all, so you never know. One was the beautiful redhead I've mentioned a few times before. I'm sure she was one of the roses. She has a guy, which I guess is happy, but sad for me because she's fun, playful, hawt, and says rabb1t gamer wordz like pwnt, woot, elebentybillion, and stuff.

Rewinding to the start of class last night I discovered I must not have been the only one who complained. The teacher started with a sort of appology and said that basically everyone was getting at least a B for the project and that in the future it would be scrapped/changed. She basically said it would be reduced to exactly what I think I mentioned to you peeps - down from an eight part thing and expecting 15+ pages to a two part thing at around 4-6 pages. So yeah, apparently I wasn't the only one who thought she didn't have adequate directions and that it was way above the experience level that Associates level people would have.

I'll have lunch pretty quick. I'm super hungry from getting up early. During my shift I'll write a like one-page project I have to do. I'll probably go over to the game center later. I feel pretty good, though sleepy. Oh, one of the peeps last night covered everyone's dinner, so I didn't spend any of the $20 I was expecting to; so I can put that towards other things. My backpack is totally falling apart. It's pretty lame since I only got it like three months ago. I should have monies for this paycheck today, so I may have enough to order a laptop carrying bag I've been looking at. That should have no problem holding my netbook and other stuffs I carry in the bag.

The stress of the semester is slowly starting to fade. I do have the last tests next week, but it's no biggie. I have to see if I want a summer class now that I should have the money.

It's finally a nice warm day. I've got just one t-shirt and pants on. Yeeeaaa for summer.

That's it for now. K thx bye.

Time passes

It's just past 8:15. I had some fun playing, but I decided to stop. I was nearly out of time, but there is about one hour left on my account. I had fun, got a few items. Nothing super noteworthy though. While fun my urge to play is greatly diminishing. Not because I don't want to play, I do, but I am getting really tired of having to pay every time I want to play. When I buy a Blu-ray movie or single player game it's there until I sell it. But, when I buy time to play that's gone as soon as the urge is over. I'll likely go down to wireless play daily and group play once a week or so.

I had an ok day, but I'm soooo tired now. I planned out my bills and I really can't afford much. I set aside money for my contact exam and a few contacts, ordered the new backpack/laptop bag, bought a new parking sticker (even though I won't be taking classes), paid a small portion of my phone bill, and that is really it. I have no money for shirts or other items I need. I'll have to wait two more weeks for those.

I can't think of anything else to say. I guess that's all for now. K thx bye.

Day 353 - 6/19 - Don't fit

It's a bit after 1 at aquatics mini work. The peeps that were training are finally gone. I must have caught a cold yesterday. Last night and now my lungs are raspy and congested and I've been coughing a lot.

Um... yeah, that's pretty much it. Just training and work so far today, then more work in the evening; Nothing interesting or exciting going on.

Time passes

It's almost time to go for the night, just past 9:30. I watched some good movies during my shift. There were only a few minor glitch points that I almost didn't even notice - nearly flawless viewing.

I was feeling like I didn't really fit in earlier today. The new hire kids are, well, kids. They are basically all 17-20, and I really didn't feel like I fit in. Any time we did an exercise over the past few days noone really came over to me. They all moved towards each other, and some seemingly made friends pretty easily. I could see the old clicks, and I could see the potential new clicks, and I didn't fit in to any of them. As always my aura of whatever seemed to push people away from me, seemingly leaving me with a gap of space around me. Maybe I had sad face a lot of the time, I did have to get up much earlier than normal, and since I don't sleep in a bed in a home that makes things extra rough. But it again makes me wonder what place in life Fate has in store for me. I don't seem to really fit in at work with the other workers. I don't seem to fit in and make new friends on campus. I don't seem to fit in and easily find new work. I know that my PC hardware site is a valuable asset and resource. When I looked not too long ago it was up at over 52k estimated unique visitors per year, so 'readership' continues to grow. I know people like me, because there are a few coworkers at the pool who are friendly towards me and several visitors there, and here at the gym work, are friendly towards me. A few at the pool even say their day feels off if they don't see me when they come in. So, I know that Fate is moving me places people notice me. I know that Fate is moving me to places I seem to have an impact and affect lives. But still I wonder why a 'regular' life eludes me. The pool kids are all talking about colleges they are moving on to, careers they are going to move into easier because of their pool experience, yet I never seemed to have the opportunity to make those regular steps in life. I get friends and they seem to fade away. I get a sweetie and it seems I don't have her long before she moves on. I get a job, and unlike others I tend to stay a really long time there, but lack any kind of progression forward or towards something bigger or better. I seem not so much like a puzzle, where one piece fits into the next and eventually the picture is complete, but more like a Rubik's Cube that noone seems to have the patients to figure out which just gets left on the table to collect dust.

Day 354 - 6/20 - Are you a gamer?

It's nearing 12:30. I left the library early because I really didn't have anything left to do. I'd checked my boards and email and I only have one show to watch, which I already did. I figure I'll go do some wireless gaming before trying to group later.

It's funny; last night after talking about not fitting in and feeling like I didn't belong one of the basketballers asked if I was a gamer. We talked a bit about gaming and he said he works at Sony and might bring me some PS3 games for teh free. I let them stay a bit late each week, like 5-10 min extra, but they are always like 'yeeeaaa for extra '.

It was so nice being able to sleep this morning with my alarm/phone turned off. Although I didn't really sleep in, it is very different sleeping in until your body gets up on it's own compared to being woken up by an alarm. I haven't been able to sleep without an alarm for like 10 days. I have to be careful though. These 'extra' shifts aren't really extra - they are just like 'now' shifts. I have a yearly cap on the number of hours I can work, which is roughly 18 per week, so if I go over one week that means it will be less hours in future weeks. (Unless they are allowed to work me beyond that cap.) It still amazes me that I've worked for the city for over a year. Not in that I'm amazed I've 'beaten' the stress of the job or anything, it's pretty stress free and I actually like the jobs, but amazed in that it is like half the number of hours and about 75% of the hourly pay (with zero benefits) compared to what I should be earning and that I haven't found additional or replacement income/job.

I've never found my place in life easily, and what seems odd is that my... mis-fit... seems to also apply to online games. Regardless of what class I pick or how I play it is always considered somewhat non-standard and I wind up being on my own for hours at a time when trying to group.

I'm suddenly getting pretty sleepy. I'm not sure why. My day started pretty energetic. I took a shower, had some food, went to the library, but foooo it's like now I'm ready for a nap. It's probably just burn out from getting up so early and my homeless stressors. Well, at least I won't have to worry about class for a few months. That's something I guess.

I wish it could be a regular weekend for me; watching TV, studying, playing multiple games, playing online, watching my movie tonight instead of tomorrow night; but my regular life continues to elude me. Only I and you peeps know how off balance and non-normal my life is. My days are not what they once were or should be, yet if I don't mention it a person would have no clue anything is wrong or different. I suppose that's a good thing.

Day 355 - 6/21 - Dad's day

It's just past 9:15 at gym mini work. There are supposed to be indoor soccer peeps here, but I guess noone has shown up yet. The coach guy even took off to get a coffee, heh.

I had a fun time playing last night; got in to the raid level I'm on and got a good loot and a couple of meh loots that I can use for my DPS set. The group is going to finish today, so I may finally be able to get all the way through it for once. I won't be out of here and done with laundry until about 2:30, so we'll see. Yesterday they started around 5, so if it is around the same time I should have plenty of advanced warning to head over. I do have the movie tonight, so whatever I do I have to stop doing it by 8.

I'm mostly completely de-stressed from school now. Even though I should study for finals, they aren't really "finals" in the sense that they are just as big/tough as the previous tests, so they should be pretty easy to study for.

Guess that's all. I hope everyone is having a good day. Oh, it's dad's day. Happy dad's day to dad peeps.

Hopefully all you peeps will have a better day than I. Even though I am now able to game and watch rented/new movies, my life experience is still greatly diminished from where it should/could be. I have a feeling if my grave were to say something it would read, "He lived life to the fullest, but only online and in his mind."

Time passes

It's nearing 6 and I'm nomming a snack. I figure I'll probably eat around 7. The movie isn't until just past 8.

I guess these shifts I've been getting are extra after all. I guess we haven't cycled to the new calendar years time, so these are still on the 'previous' year, not the new one. I'll be working some weird shifts though. Some are just like 2 hours long, one or two in the evening, that kind of thing. I said ok to more Sunday time at the gym, which is sad because I have to get up early. But the aquatics shift will not be starting until at least 11:15, so I've got plenty of time to sleep on a regular basis.

I guess the final raid part didn't pan out. I didn't get an in game message about it, nor any tells, nor did I see any of the peeps who's names I remembered. Well, maybe I can hook up with them in the future. The more I know the greater the chance to find a raid group. That's where the real loot is. The other loots I can get come from daily things I can't really do due to netbook and WiFi limitations. In a home I could do either and it's fine, but having to rent time it would just be too expensive to speed up the non-raid loots.

It's warm in the car, but a wind is picking up. It's a bit chilly outside. Classes are ending. Summer movies are starting. The summer is just beginning. A time of hope, happiness, and revival for many. Will it be so for me? Will I finally find a new job? Friends? Love? A place to live? Only time will tell.

Day 356 - 6/22 - Eye exam

It's just past 8:45 PM. My day is just about over and it was pretty busy. I actually slept in until about 10; got like 9 hours of sleep. I went to the Starbucks nearest to school to play, but they are permanently closed; An odd choice since they are much closer to the college than the shop a few minutes drive away. They are literally across the street from campus. I changed locations, played for a little bit, then went to aquatics mini work. After I had my eye exam. Finally. It was crazy chatting with the doc because it's now been 20 years I've been seeing that same doc. He gave me a super super huge discount price on the exam, about 50% off, so it was less than I'd budgeted. By the time I was done and coming back I considered what to do about traffic. Being rush hour getting to campus quickly would have been a nightmare. I decided to detour to the game center since they are located before the traffic would jam up. They have a micro, so dinner was easy to do. I used up the time I had on my account already, so I spent no new monies. I had some good groups and chatted with one of the peeps I raided with on Saturday. They didn't form up to finish, and she should have enough for their raid this coming Saturday already, but she will totally keep me informed if they need me in the future.

Oh, last night Fate gave me yet another reminder. What with all my sad lately about not feeling like I belonged I saw someone from aquatics work who said hey to me. Honestly I probably wouldn't have recognized him if he hadn't been wearing his lifeguard shirt. A few minutes before that someone had commented about my Gears of War shirt and we talked about Xbox 360 games for a few minutes. So Fate certainly seems to be giving me little reminders that I do belong in the world and that I do seem to be noticed and moved about to places where I have an impact. I just haven't found a true place to belong, a home; mentally, emotionally, and physically. But at least it is nice to be reminded by Fate that I am noticed and seemingly wanted in the world.

Day 357 - 6/23 - Transformers 2

It's 11:30 at aquatics mini work. I won't have much time today to do stuff before sitting in line. I slept in until 10, did my daily gem crafting quest, and came over to work. I'll have about a 3.5 hour window to do everything, then have my final. I'll need to drop off some stuff at the ex-garage and see if I got my new backpack during that window. After that I'm off to wait in line for about 5 hours before the movie. Woooooo. So exciting and yet it will probably be pretty boring. I've got my two casual games to keep me busy though, so that's something.

That's probably it for this week. K thx bye.

Day 358 - 6/24 - Moar goodbye dinner

It's nearing 11:45 at aquatics mini work. I will only have a small window after to do stuff for my final. I haven't studied at all yet, but I don't really know what she will ask. She really hasn't said anything besides common sense stuff. I was one question away from an A on the mid-term, so whatever studying I get done will likely be fine. I'm normally not so casual about it, but what with the chaos from the projects and chaos at work I haven't had the chance yet.

Last night was fun. I got there super early I guess at around 6:15. I was not only the first there, but there wasn't even a line rope set up yet. At around 6:45-7 they set up the line and I moved my stuff over. I played my games until about 8 when these others had shown up and officially got the line going. The peeps near me were pretty nice. They were talking about the show and talked about church things for what seemed like forever. I guess they worked in church youth programs. They were pretty young, in their late 20s/early 30s. There was Mr. Handsome guy closest to me and his wife was a suuuppper beautiful redhead. I've always had a thing for thin redheads. They had a super cute friend with short black hair with them, but I guess she was just hanging out with them for a bit because she left around 10. There were some other peeps they had a bit further from me. We played some card games just before they let us in the movie. No official invite to be friendly though and we just went our separate ways after the movie even though I sat next to them in the theater.

That's probably it for my day. I'll shower, study, take my test, then maybe play for a bit before bed. I've already done my daily quest stuff, as I got up early at like 9:15. I don't expect anything else to happen of interest today, but you never know I suppose.

Time passes

It's 11 and now my night is over. I'm in the sleeping spot, but I'm not super sleepy. My day started out really lame at work. Right before I got there one of my bosses calls to check if I'm coming. I'm like, 'Um... I'm right outside the building at the front door?' My shift hadn't even officially started yet and he was calling to see if I was coming. Then a different boss like gripes at me about my handwriting and claims that people have complained about me using my netbook. I think she made it up because she saw me using it the other day and I told her that I was redesigning a form. She was all 'well neener neener you have to get approval for that bla bla. Yeah, like I want a flier out there that confuses the public and looks like a disaster. We'll just ignore the fact that I did graphic design doing form and newsletter layout for nearly 5 years. Plus, I've talked with about a half dozen people about my system. They asked if I liked it, what the specs were, etc. So, some have actually been interested and chatted with me about it. Later during my shift a customer was all grouchy at me and insulted me. Then like 10 minutes later she was grouchy at the boss who said that stuff about my system and the flier, so it wasn't anything I did to make that person grouchy.

The end of my day was happy though. I'd decided to go out to eat to celebrate the end of the semester after my test. I asked the beautiful redhead, 'We can has nom?' And she said, 'Yes, we'll get nom.' And I was all 'yeeeaaa '. So after class we same four went out again - me, the beautiful redhead, her guy, and the person who bought everyone dinner last week - plus one other person. They talked a lot about childcare jobs, but also music and some other stuff. The beautiful redhead mentioned ice cream, so she, her guy, and me went to get some. The other two had to go home. We hung out a bit more then left. She said she would "harass me from email." So, who knows, maybe I can has RL friends.

So an exciting/happy end to an otherwise sad day. It's such chaos there at work now. There are always like 5 or more guards and 3-4 other random people all in the office there. I really don't know if I like it during the summer. It's nice to see more people, and everyone is really chatty, and the excitement of all the visitors is nice and such, but I much prefer the quiet calm I'd become accustomed to over the past three months or so.

Well, off 'to bed' with me. Only time will tell if I have new friends or not.

Day 359 - 6/25 - Missing not friends

It's noon. I'm nomming lunch at aquatics mini work. It's a rare quiet moment these days with only one person in the office with me.

I got up a bit early this morning at 10:15. I didn't have much time before the work shift, so I decided to walk on campus and have a doughnut and juice. I don't know how long it's been since I've been on campus early enough to do that. I've only had Wednesday's for being on campus for that. Seems like forever, and usually after my shower it's straight to lunch. I guess it's really only been about three weeks since I've been on campus and in the cafeteria in the morning/lunch time. I've actually missed my not friend regulars there. So much life, so much friendship; chatting and laughing, living and loving. Places not school seem so lonely, so isolated, focused only on profit and business. I really have to move myself into an on campus job, or something with peeps near campus or in a campus like atmosphere. My mini works are ok, but they are too service oriented. There is no real interaction with the peeps (even though a few seem happy to see me).

My ex-roomies are out of town, so after work I think I'll run a couple of prints I've been wanting to do and vacuum out my car. Besides that I don't know what I'll do today. I haven't decided. What with no school to do or study for, today is the first day of a sort of summer.

Time passes

I'm at the ex-house. It's just past 2:30. I did my printouts but I couldn't vacuum my car. Their vacuum has its parts all spread out. I don't know if that is because the one ex-roomie is too lazy to put it back proper or if it is broken. I decided to take a look around back and peek into my ex-room. Nothing really seems to have changed in nearly a year. Their back yard furniture is new, there are different speakers on their home entertainment area, there are elebentybillion more junk boxes in the garage, but outside of that nothing has changed. Their lives progress at a snail's pace with very little changing. I suppose mine would as well. If my room were my room really nothing would have changed. I'd have maybe changed my speakers, upgraded my PC, but that's about it. I suppose once you begin to settle in during your 20s really nothing much changes after that. I'm a bit sad I don't live there anymore. The longer I sit here in the driveway the more memories come back. One of their new kitties I've only met twice was in the room on a 'cat tree'. I woke him up by crunching a leaf as I was looking in the window. He looked at me for a moment, I said hi, he recognized me and pawed at the window to try and touch my hand.

I miss kitties. I miss having a room. I miss being able to really enjoy life and try and plan for forward moves. Yes, I'm planning and enjoying things now, but I can't enjoy them as I'd like, and I'm doing things without friends or a sweetie to share things with. It is good to still be in the world, but it would be so much better with the things so many often times take for granted.

Day 360 - 6/26 - One of the few

I decided to play for a bit last night. I really wanted to resist, and did for a bit, as even spending a little during cheap hours is still spending something more than just one visit a week. But, it turned out for the best. I got into a raid right away and made two good contacts for future raids. They actually invited me to a second part today, which I can't do due to working all day. And another invite was for next Wednesday, which I also can't do because I get off work after it starts.

The peeps were super nice and said I was one of the few Death Knight tanks they knew who were good. They say most are just meh and some are super bad and named a couple they knew were "good" besides me.

That's probably it for today unless I get a surprise tonight, hehe. What with the new aquatics schedule I'll only have 1.5 hours between works today. That should be just enough time to do laundry and grab a micro dinner and a movie or two. I've pretty much run out of kiosk movies to watch though, so I'm not sure how much more there is for me to rent; still a ton of movies I'm behind on, but the kiosks only have so many movies and only go so far back in time.

Guess that's it for now. K thx bye.

Day 361 - 6/27 - Not my graduation

It's far too early in the morning time at a different school sleeping spot. It is just past 8:45 and there is the sound of happy triumphant music coming from behind me. Today is graduation day. It makes me think back to my four graduations; middle school, high school, Associates, and Bachelors. (Though I didn't go to my Bachelor's ceremony since I had noone to watch me and at the time I thought I would have a Masters shortly after.) Each time it felt like a big momentous occasion, and for most it likely is. The people take a big step forward moving on to the next bigger and better thing, celebrating what they've achieved over the past however many years. At the time of my graduations I felt that way too. Although I had no plans at my high school graduation, and I didn't care before it was happening, when it was I felt a sense of awe and wonder about the possibilities of the future. What would I do? What would become of me? I didn't know. Life had so many possibilities, yet I didn't know how to explore them. I felt it again when I graduated with my Associates. I thought, 'Now this is really something. The start of a career; the tools to get in to internships and progress towards something lasting (and that pays well).' But, that turned out not to be the case. No internships or jobs could be found. And the same thing happened after the Bachelors. In fact, in the around 7 years since getting my Associates, less than half a dozen jobs total have been posted "in my field". I don't know if this is a lack of finding the jobs, or a lack of planning and making the right steps, or the fact that jobs in the field hire from within and take those few interns they get and don't need others. I'm sure you all will be fine. It seems everyone seems to fall into place and make big advancements when they should but me. I've always been the one to fall between the cracks; the one forgotten and left behind.

Even though it is so early I was partly woken up by the heat. I'm just in my tank top, sweats, and socks, one window is half rolled down, and I'm comfortably warm. In a few minutes I'll go see if the showers are open, but it is possible they will be locked up for a week and a half until summer quarter starts. After I'll see if the library is open, but it too may be locked down. Even if it isn't I believe my card is locked out due to not taking any classes, which means I'll have to use open area systems and can't use the WiFi with my netbook. It's fine. During summer there will be few enough people that getting on a system should be easy.

Oh, the basketballer did give me some cool games for the free; Damnation, which is a cool Steampunk shooter, Tomb Raider: Underworld, which I wanted to get at launch but didn't have the monies for, and Bionic Commando, which I don't know too much about. Yea for free games. Yea for surprise gifts.

Well, that's all I can think of. I was doubting I'd go to play today, but I may need to in order to stay out of the heat. We'll see how my day unfolds as it unfolds.

Time passes

It's nearing 12:45 and I'm nomming some lunch. The school showers were indeed open and still had hot water. With only one and a half weeks until next quarter they may keep them open. I expect 4th of July weekend they will be closed though. The library was indeed closed, but the WiFi was on and I could still access that, so I chilled outside of the library for a few hours, as that is one of the few mostly private/quiet times I get.

It's a totally sunny bunny day. I'd guess that it's in the 80s with a slightly cool breeze. Inside a house in the shade it would be perfect summer weather.

I was going to go to the ex-house and do some printouts, but the ex-roomie who hates me's car is in the driveway. I wondered where it was. It may be he and the other ex-roomie took separate cars if he only stayed for part of their trip. Why he would only stay for part is beyond me though. While it's true the friend/ex-roomie was also visiting family (in addition to their Shakespeare stuff) I don't see why he wouldn't go with her for that - it's what couples do. Unless he finally has a regular job again and he has to work during next week. I guess that could explain it.

Did I talk about the gun safe? It seems the safe they had in the garage (that I previously mentioned) is a gun safe; I think specifically for rifles. So, this guy is installing spy cams around the house and getting a gun safe in what is, I believe, one of the top 10 safest cities in North America. That's the most paranoid of paranoid acts. Whatever. I guess paranoia is a hobby. Back in the day like five or six years ago during a quake when the power was out for like a day, after the 6th or so hour he had wandered off away from us two and apparently gotten one of his pistols and was going to load it. We had to convince him that was insanity (not just to load a pistol 'just in case of looters', but because it was pitch black at night).

Um... guess that's all I can think of to add for now. Oh, picture series 9 is being developed. You'll likely see the posting before you read this, heh.

Day 362 - 6/28 - Now here

I'm at my gym mini work shift. It's about 9:15 so I've got nearly 4 more hours. I really don't know what I'll do today. I got in a raid yesterday with some people I'd not met before. I regretted not waiting for people I knew because shortly after I'd joined someone I've raided with before invited me. They would have been a good group. The one I was with was meh. They died a lot and didn't seem to know what they were doing. If I happen to get an invite to finish that raid I'll go, but if not I'll probably just stay wireless all day.

Um. That's it so far. K thx bye. PS It's so hot again today.

Time passes

It's just after 6:15 and I'm nomming some dinner. I wasn't going to write, nothing interesting has really happened, but I'm waiting for them to re-do my photos. For some reason they are 50% of the resolution they should be. They are too low res to actually do any posting with. I'm hoping a re-do (on their expensive CD process) fixes it. Anyway, I have to tell you about this guy in line for nom. We are all waiting to pay; it's taking a while. I'm super hungry so I take a couple of super small bites of food. From like three spots back in line this guy is like (politely) 'excuse me... excuse me, sir. There is no eating at the counter. It's the law.' I give him my 'seriously? You are talking crazy talk' look. But I stop anyways. Not crazy in that I don't believe him, but crazy as in this guy put no thought at all into why this law exists. You can quickly realize that any such law is silly. Is any food I drop a health hazard? Perhaps, maybe, but what about the door handle that I and everyone else touched on our way in? The wall I leaned against with my bare arm? The money I handed to the cashier, who in turn gave me and every other cash customer change without wearing gloves? Or that no servers were wearing gloves? Or how the tables and chairs get wiped down, not after every customer, but maybe once every hour or so. Did he check to be sure the pork and other meats were cooked at the right temperature? Or if the vegetable prep person washed all the pesticides off completely? Seriously, if you want to cry biohazard don't go to any kind of restaurant. That's just silly to say my nomming on the counter is a health risk of some kind compared to any of the other elebentybillion potential hazards here or at any other restaurant. Rules are created for a reason. Give them a little bit of thought as to why they are in place before you go reciting them.

Time passes

It's a hair past 9:45 and the evening took an odd turn. I wound up doing a sort of road trip up to a section of the city the ghost and another friend and I hung out/drove around in back in the day. It is effectively the heart of that city; an ooolllddd area. Like 100+ years old kind of old. As I drove around, as I walked around, I thought about a few things. One was that I was talking earlier today with one of my new online game friends about my birthday and how I'm teh old and he was like, "So?" That came back to mind hours later when I was in the city. It's old - super old. Some people like that. They like the wears, the cracks, the run down buildings, the mix of little random mostly not name brand chain shops. They say 'an old city has character'. I guess that kind of describes me too. I have my cracks, and wears; I have "character". But, there are still areas that are brand new. He mentioned I should just find friends / a sweetie who appreciates those things about me. It made a sort of sense when I later was meandering in the city. Some people like the old city - love it in fact. I've never been one of those people, but I get it. I thought back to early in the morning when I was watching The Love Guru and one of the guru's book titles, "Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Why are you still hitting yourself?" Looonnnggg ago when I was very young I learned to "let go" of things I couldn't control and to not beat myself up over them. I guess, in a way, I've been overly focused on the birthday number. It is, after all, +1. Every year it will be +1, just as it has every year before. Somewhere out there are peeps and a sweetie who will get that, maybe even like it. I am old, but I am also new. I just have to be ok with it and stop hitting myself.

Day 363 - 6/29 - Campus is hoppin'

It's nearing 12:15 and I'm having lunch in the cafeteria. Not only is all of campus open, it's completely hoppin'. It's as packed as it was back at the start of fall quarter. It seems even more busy than it was in spring. I guess summer doesn't start later, but it starts now.

It's warm, not hot like it was yesterday. There are lots of cute girls in shorts around. I was really surprised when I came to my pool sleeping spot at 7:15 and the parking lot was mostly full on the lower level. I fell asleep again until about 9:45, but the sounds of driving and opening and closing of doors filtered through to my sleeping mind. I took a shower then went to the library and messed around on some boards/news sites. I didn't have much time before I wanted to eat, and I needed to leave for aquatics mini work around 12:40. It's really lame this week because all of my shifts are 2-3 hours. That's like 15% of my time in work hours spent driving to and from work. So lame. Well, at least I should have Saturday and Sunday completely off, as I'm pretty sure both facilities are closed.

After work I'll see if I can run some more printouts I want to do. I went past the ex-house a couple of times and haven't seen the ex-roomie who hates me's car, so it should be 'safe'. It only takes like 15 minutes to set up, run some prints, pack things up again and go, so it should be fine.

After that I don't know what I'll do. I should play wirelessly and do my daily quests at some point, though I've lately been saving that for after 9 when I can park outside the closed store. It's one of the few private times I get. I'll probably just run my prints then come back to campus and input Epic Fail and mess around on boards some more. While I did get picture series 9 done last night, I haven't inputted any text yet for this week, so that is quite behind.

Well, better finish up eating and get ready to go. K thx bye.

Time passes

It's nearing 4:45. I'm back in the cool library. While it was only very slightly hot at noon, it's now back to being way hot. The library is open 'till 7 this year (I think last year it closed around 4) so I'll be able to stay cool until the nighttime when it really starts to cool off. After I'll see if the cafeteria is still open and micro dinner. I'll probably do some site updates after that I guess. Not sure what I'll do later.

Pretty much just a weather update. I did my printouts too, so now the Death Knight builds that have been dancing in my head are down on paper. That's it for now.

Time passes

Decided to get a ticket for Ice Age 3 in 3D and set it for midnight tomorrow. Not because I'm super excited to see it and absolutely must see it opening day, but because tomorrow night is the end of the fail year - the flip from Epic Fail year 1 to year 2. It seemed fitting; a movie about change being watched on that night instead of a few nights later. I'll pick up a small pizza as well. I think the last real pizza (non-micro) I had was back at New Year's, nearly 6 full months ago.

That's it. I'll likely spend the rest of the evening typing in Epic Fail and gaming wirelessly or offline. 'Night peeps.

Day 364 - 6/30 - Endings

It's around 9:45. Today is the last entry for year one. Tonight we flip from day 364 to day 365. A year ago tonight flipped from day Zero to day 1. What a crazy end to book 1. I'd always thought it would end with words like, 'I've now got a good job, I'm earning enough money to move back into a home, and I've started a real savings. Recovery can now begin.' And book 2 would be about getting that savings ready, picking a new place, and settling in. Instead it appears I am ending book 1 at the end of the year primarily because it's been a year and the print version is getting much too large to continue in a single volume. Instead of words of hope and renewal the book will close with something more akin to, 'talk to you tomorrow.'

I suppose that some recovery is beginning though. Emotionally I have just the smallest bit of leeway to enjoy most of my regular things in some form, so I am at least a bit closer to normal than I was a year ago. Not counting issues I can't afford to fix (teeth, anything major to the car, etc.) I am in a position to continue being ok while homeless. I have some entertainment, I've found ways to always have access to job searching, board searching, some form of game playing, and a little bit of movie watching.

Sadly I still don't have RL friends or a sweetie. That's gone on for so long I've really become accustomed to it. But still, I'm always sad I have noone to share my life with and noone who wants me in their lives. I have friends online, and all my rabb1t peeps, so that is something. While they aren't here physically, I am not alone.

That's all I can really think of for now. I'm sure there will be more closing thoughts before the night is out.

Time passes

It's almost time to go get dinner. I'm soooo hungry. One of the higher bosses at work said they will likely use the (second) revised form I did for them, but that they had changes. The lame part is that a lot of the changes undo the formatting changes I made to improve the form. Things like centered text they want left aligned, which will result in unbalanced visual draw.

Don't really know what else to say about the closing of the year / book 1. It still seems so strange, and I'm sure will seem stranger still when I format the text for the .pdf in the coming days and create the first .html file for year 2.

I had to shave my face with a manual razor. It's odd. I'm used to doing it with an electric one, but it stopped holding new charge I guess a few weeks ago, so last week ti just refused to charge up from it's dead status. I'll have to get a new one after I'm paid on Thursday.

I guess that's it for now. I'm off to have dinner, do some wireless play, then wait in line for what will be way too long. I'm planning on getting there at 8, but I'll bet noone else will show up until like 10:30 or later.

K thx bye.

Time passes

So awesome a dinner. I came to Round Table to nom a pizza and the guy told me about a new dinner deal they are doing. Tuesdays, from 6-8, you can has all you can eat salad with pizza and twists. So, not only will I get my favorite pizza types, but salad, and some twist things. And you can even take some with you in a to-go box. I'll have to remember this and come more on Tuesdays. This way kicks the butt of other fast food deals.

Time passes

The movie was fun, but the night is over. It's just past 2:15 AM. No new parting words of wisdom have come to mind. After all, today was just a day, as tomorrow will be just another day. Epic Fail will continue in book 2. For those reading this on the web, nothing will have changed; just like so many other things in life endings blur with beginnings, and sometimes beginnings are endings.

Comments and stuff Copyright E. Stryker 2008, 2009
Pictures for Epic Fail are taken by me. :)

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