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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 16: Different Paths

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 15 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 16 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 797

Day 5573 - 10/4 - Catch up

Today I have become in a bit of a panic because I got the add for the second class. (The one I wanted more.) So I have a thing to do that will probably be about an hour, but then there is a bigger one I'll have to rush tomorrow and maybe Monday that could be several hours. It should be fine though, as it's an online class too, so I can do both basically whenever I want. I'll probably try to focus on doing them just Monday and Tuesday, but we'll see.

No visit with the cutie yesterday, so that was sad. I did decide to get a bit of extra food today to try and catch up. There was a window of maybe 3 hours where I could see really well after that. (Starting maybe 2 hours after eating.) But now in the evening that period seems to be over and things are going back to blurry. That seems strange though, as again eating until I was fully, almost too fully, seemed to balance out whatever my body is missing for clear sight. I don't know if eating a lot lowers blood pressure. I'd have guessed it would be reversed, since things are getting more full.

I don't know, all I have to do is try to hang on for 2 more months until my appointment and hope it can be sorted easily. I really think a lot of things like my brain haze, confusion, and sleepiness, are all side effects of my brain being effectively under stimulated since everything is behind a blurry haze. It feels like the logic is, 'if I can't see it, I can't focus and understand it, therefore I'll shut down higher functions.'

Day 5574 - 10/5 - Wrong pen

Today I was going to work on my artsy class project, but apparently I have the wrong pen. I thought the only ones I used were 05 sized rating, but I guess the one I have with me is 01, which is super thin. It's great for working on smaller things, like regular paper sized, but the piece we are doing is 14x17, so that would be much too thin. I'm sure I have one in storage. It's just sad to have a sad life and needing to go back and look around instead of just grabbing it. I suppose that is my fault though. Basically everything I could need is in my art shoulder bag, and I just brought with me the most minimal things I'd need, without verifying what I'd need in advance.

It feels like a pretty good day though. I had two smaller artsy things I had to do to catch up, which together took maybe 1.5 hours. Though neither were amazing, they were just for practice / warm up things and they were actually pretty fun. I should probably do way more artsy things because they are fun, but I would want to do things for (pen and paper) games I'm in, for myself or others, so not having 'a game' right now it feels like I would just be wasting time with it, which would spoil the fun of it.

Day 5575 - 10/6 - Indeed upgraded

Today was a pretty good day. It seemed to move super fast, but that likely is because I spent about 1.5 hours doing a lot of work on a project.

It seems the library did indeed upgrade the system. Though it's odd because the routers look the same. I suppose it could be the same company and they just used the same design. But the connection on the laptop I.D. showed Wi-Fi 6, and in a single quick speed test it peaked at around 140 mbps (both up and down) which is super quick. The old connection would average about 10% of that and even when it peaked it would only be about half of that speed. So hopefully the issue of dropping and being dead for days or weeks won't be repeated.

I had very terrible nightmares though. I don't remember what it was now, but one of my dreams terrified me to my core. I woke up with my heart racing, and beating so strongly I could feel how big it was, and the different chambers rhythmically switching beats. Most times it feels pretty small, and I don't really feel much beating, and certainly not in the two opposite corners.

Overall the day was pretty good and restful. My tummy didn't feel great from the hot dogs, but for the moment we had a brief window of very nice warm weather, which is extra nice.

Day 5576 - 10/7 - Another crumbles

Today was pretty sad, but in a way expected. Another tooth that was very corrupt crumbled today. It was when I was eating, and I almost completely lost my appetite when it happened. It was very sad, but it was on the side and back, so important for eating, but not one that's very visible to others. But still, it is yet another loss I am never going to get back.

I guess the day was ok other than that. I was warm enough inside and didn't need my hoodie. And things were pretty restful and quiet. There was one guy hacking very loudly for a bit, but they weren't near me.

But I had fun with my games. I finished something for school. And hopefully I can feel better soon, and continue to hang on to what I have left.

Day 5577 - 10/8 - Still went out

Today is a bit disappointing. Right when I was doing something important with my shooter, because it is on a daily rotation that only comes up every other week, the internet went out. So even though it was upgraded, apparently it can still drop and go to crap. (So maybe the routers were somehow compatible with the new format and are the old ones.) It dropped around 1, and for the rest of the day I had no Internet. It wasn't a huge deal I suppose, as I could still play offline and didn't have anything else I really needed to do online. But it's very annoying because I'll think of things I want to look up, or things like messages I should send, but can't.

I guess overall the day was ok though. I felt a bit weird where my lost tooth is. I'm still not used to feeling it gone. Though there are others that have been gone for years I am still not used to, so I guess that shouldn't surprise me.

Day 5578 - 10/9 - Maybe outside

Today I may be outside. The school website doesn't show that school will be closed, but I guess banks and the library will be. Usually on those kind of holidays school closes too. I'll buy soups just in case school is closed. That way I won't lose food if I can't use the micro.

I expect if things are open I'll check my class stuff and do my history class stuff. I'll probably do whatever art stuff there is on Tuesday and Wednesdays. I may do no school stuff though if things are closed. I guess we'll see as it happens.

Day 5579 - 10/10 - Maybe tired Tuesday

Today I don't know what to expect, though I may be very tired. Lately I've been pretty tired overall. The weather has been bouncing up and down, so I don't know if that's affecting my sleep or not. Hopefully though today will be a good day.

Week 798

Day 5580 - 10/11 - Super sick

Today I am super sick. I think the people at the library on the weekend who were coughing gave me their cold. I am super congested in my lungs, and it's scratchy. I've been wheezing, though not too much, and I suppose that has been happening for a week. And yesterday and Monday I've been sneezing a lot. It's less now, so maybe I'm recovering quickly.

No cutie yesterday. Apparently she changed shifts, so it will be up to Fate if I ever see her again. Being much too young for me, and no real way to offer anything, there is no point in trying to try to find her.

I got sent a message from my health care people for the first time ever yesterday. I guess there is now an online place to check your appointments, test results, history, and other stuff. There was a place to message the doctor, so I sent a message explaining my condition and how the appointment person said to go to the hospital and all that stuff. I highly doubt they would ever have a chance to respond. Nor do they probably have any way to make it sooner, but I guess we'll see.

Being pretty sick today I didn't play as much as usual. I played maybe half. The rest of the time I sat and watched nothing videos and tried to be restful. I guess it wasn't the worst, but hopefully I get better soon.

Day 5581 - 10/12 - Oddly empty

Today the cafeteria was oddly empty most of the day. There were only maybe half the normal people there and there was no 11-1 lunch crowd at all. Normally it gets about 85% or more full at that time. Suddenly at 1 when it normally starts to empty a bunch of people showed up, but it was probably only about 40% of normal capacity at that time. I do recall Thursday morning and evening seemed more empty than other days, and this being the third week people would have settled into classes, so maybe that is just how it will be on Thursdays.

I am feeling a bit better. I've only sneezed about half a dozen times each. And while my lungs feel a bit congested still there is more of an odd dry scratchy sort of feeling. I don't know if that's the decongestants or just how things are clearing. If I had a humidifier that feels like it would help.

Overall I guess today was ok. Though I don't really feel like playing as much as normal, so I probably only did about 60-70% of my normal play.

Day 5582 - 10/13 - Confusing weather

Today the weather seems very confusing. I think it rained for a little bit. It has been getting colder, which isn't confusing as we are heading into winter. But what is confusing is the weather shows it's supposed to be as high as 80F in the coming days, starting Sunday. It makes no sense.

I am feeling better from my cold. Not completely, but I sneezed only a few times, and didn't cough very much. My lungs also don't have the weird dry sandpaper kind of feeling. They are just normal regular congested feeling.

I did happily hear back from the doctor. She set up an 'after emergency room consultation' which is a 15 minute appointment for three Mondays from now. So hopefully in just a hair over two weeks I'll be able to be back on meds and get my blood pressure back down so I don't have to worry quite so much about literally being scared to death (or some other sudden cause of instant death like too much overall stress from sudden forced change), and hopefully my vision can go back to regular. I will guess it will probably take 1-2 months to even out though. I doubt I'd see a change in as little as a couple of weeks. Finally it seems someone cares and I will soon be back on my way to getting better. And hopefully with that other aspects of my life can at least feel better too.

Day 5583 - 10/14 - Cold and broken

Today was not great. I had fun with some games, but then wanted to just watch some stuff. The show I wanted to watch repeatedly failed to play. And the library was freezing cold at that point. It seems the connection can still get broken because it was being very slow overall and kept having micro disconnections that interrupted things. So I just gave up and left the library 45 minutes earlier than normal.

Outside wasn't very warm either. It's supposed to get up to 80F soon, but I don't see how. I'd guess it was barely over 70F, so I was still pretty cold.

Overall not a great day, but I suppose it could have been worse.

Day 5584 - 10/15 - Still congested

Today I feel a bit better .My lungs still have yucky congestion, so that is bad. I'm doing tiny coughs a few times an hour, so that seems bad. But I don't know, overall I guess emotionally in terms of things I feel better overall? Maybe a little bit happy?

But that could be because I slept good. I guess I had nice dreams. I dreamt I was in a log cabin type home? Which was on a fantasy renaissance kind of park area, which was also a mini-golf course that I owned? It made me happy to have a home, and also a thing I ran that was fun.

I guess today at the library was ok. As usual though most of the day it was freezing. The connection was better though. I could watch shows without issues, so that was nice. Overall though I felt mixed; both a little bit happy, but sad because I am so very worried about my terrible health. My heart feels so bad a lot of the time lately. And with my collapsing vision and running out of breath so easily, I worry more and more my heart won't be able to hang on, or I'll die from some other general very poor health issue. Everything feels so bad and fragile and on the verge of failing lately. Hopefully the appointment in two weeks will get me some medicine that can help, but I still worry it will only be able to a little.

Day 5585 - 10/16 - Hopefully warmer

Today hopefully will be warmer. Not just because I will not be at the library, but because it's supposed to be nearing 80F. Which I'm still not sure I believe, as it hasn't been probably much over the low to mid 70s, and I think two days ago it rained for a little while. But hopefully I can continue to hang on.

Day 5586 - 10/17 - Unknown Tuesday

Today I have no idea what to expect. I have a medium sized thing I have to do for my art class, so I'll probably do some work on that. But I have no idea what to expect overall.

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