Day 5601 - 11/1 - A little better
Today I am feeling a little better. The day started with clear sight, but in the afternoon that turned to regular blurred vision and various points feeling bad. It's only the second day of pills, so I didn't really expect an instant turn around. I was right that when my blood pressure is bad it is the worst ever. However, very surprisingly, I am nowhere near as heavy as I feel. I was guessing 220-230, but according to the scale during my checkup I am only 195, so not incredibly far from the 175 I'd ideally like to get down to.
I guess mostly I shift between feeling a bit better and kind of the worst ever. Hopefully things will balance out and move towards staying better soon. But until then I continue to worry, continue to be fearful, and try to be as calm and relaxed as I can be.
Day 5602 - 11/2 - Black circles
Today I noticed in the morning the black circles under my eyes were so bad it looked like I had two black eyes. I suppose maybe taking my multivitamins again may help it, if I still have them, but looking it up I'd guess that is mostly not enough or poor sleep, diet, or stress, which none of those are really things I can change.
I guess today was an ok day though. I finished all my school stuff, so I had a restful play day. I am a bit sad though because there is a new thing in my MMO, and I guess I'm really bad at it. I've never been good at doing damage (due to how it's designed in the game) so I'm taking forever to do things. I'm at least half of the damage I feel I need, so that makes me pretty sad. And a lot of it is maybe I just have no clue where they are getting their stat numbers, even looking at guides.
Tomorrow I should try and do lab stuff that the doctor wants. I didn't want to do it so close to starting my meds, but the next appointment is 2 Mondays from now, and Friday is my only real chance to do it, so this is a safe time. I'm still not a lot better, so I keep trying my best to hang on.
Day 5603 - 11/3 - Poking
Today there was a poking to do all the lab test things. I was surprised when I got there and they were already open. I had thought I saw a thing say the labs didn't open until 30 minutes after I planned on getting there.
I couldn't really see today. It was as bad as before with seemingly no good point. I guess I didn't really need to see at any point, so it was fine.
The day passed pretty quickly and was fine I guess overall, but I was sad to see next Friday and Saturday the library will be closed, so that will be rough. But all I can do is try my best to continue on one day at a time.
Day 5604 - 11/4 - Limpy
Today was ok except for some leg pain. I don't know if I mentioned my back cramps at night, but today it seems to have spread to my left leg tendon that runs from the knee up along the side of my hip; the one that controls lifting the leg (used in stepping forward.) So whenever I've walked today it's been like, step, step, ow, step, step, ow. I've been pretty limpy because of it.
The lab results are done and I can actually look at them online. Of course I really don't know what they mean if it's outside of normal range. The one that will probably be the most worrisome is the cholesterol being 10% outside of normal. That doesn't seem like a lot, but I really have no clue what a 33 of 36+ normal means. I have my appointment in just over a week, and I'm sure if there was anything critical the doctor would have contacted me right away.
I guess I could see more fine than not, so that was an improvement. But I think because of the density of people when at the library I just don't tend to look up like I do pretty frequently at school.
I guess overall it was a pretty ok day.
Day 5605 - 11/5 - Sad day
Today has pretty rapidly turned into a sad day. When I got to the library and settled in to the regular spot and got in to my MMO to spend the day doing an important goal I found a guildie to have fun with for at least one attempt. Barely 30 minutes later the connection died. And now it's barely 11 and it still hasn't come back on. My day has rapidly gone from a fun day to one of playing things that, while a bit fun, aren't what I planned to do today. I suppose I can't complain too much. I could not even have that. But it is certainly very disappointing to be in a library in, if I'm not mistaken, one of the top 10 most funded in the U.S., and there connection continues to rapidly go to garbage for no reason.
Day 5606 - 11/6 - Probably normal Monday
Today I expect will be a normal Monday. I will have art history class stuff and that will probably be the bulk of the day to finish it. But then I'm done with that for the week. Hopefully I can play and relax after and maybe do some of the stuff I planned on Sunday.
Day 5607 - 11/7 - Probably light art Tuesday
Today I don't really know what to expect, but we have a mid-term art critique in the art class. I expect because of that if we have any assignments they would probably be very light and quick. This week will probably be a light art class week.
And after I hope I can continue to be ok physically and hang on until my blood pressure and stuff gets more under control.
Day 5608 - 11/8 - Slightly better
Today my blood pressure seemed a bit better, and while my vision wasn't totally clear it does seem to be getting slightly better over time. I would guess that means it could indeed be a while before it really starts to improve.
My lunch didn't really agree with me. It's kind of sitting like a brick in my tummy. It doesn't feel great. I got this one to have extra meats because the vegetables I had yesterday werent great, but I guess it was a bad choice.
I guess I have to do some fun art stuff after all. I didn't check on Monday when I should have, assuming the mid-term stuff was all we had, so I missed a couple of days I could have been working on it. But it's fine. It's just a quick easy thing, not super serious, so I'll do part tomorrow and then finish on Sunday at the library.
But all I can do is try my best to continue to hang on.
Day 5609 - 11/9 - No lift
Today my leg still has no lift. It's actually hurting on my back in general too now, and getting up from a sitting position isn't always easy. The leg effectively stops raising at about 70%, which is about where it needs to be to sit, so getting into the car I have to move it over the side with my hand. It doesn't actually fully stop at that point though, it's more like progress goes from full speed to about 5% of normal speed, so it would eventually get up to the full distance but it's kind of like a weight is attached to it. I'll mention it to the doc on Monday, but I doubt it's related to the meds, and that the issue is probably similar to my right arm going partly asleep in that it's something pinched in my back or spine.
I guess I feel kind of extra sad lately. I have some things going on that have me extra worried in my sad homeless life, and tomorrow and Saturday I'll have to be outside, so that means reduced laptop time, as well as a lot of extra cold weather.
But all I can do is try to continue to hang on and make it through one day at a time. And hopefully someday these sad times will be past and I will have many years left.
Day 5610 - 11/10 - Dead lock
Today I was outside and had a lot of spare time to kill. The sun started to come into my sitting area by 2, which is about what I expected. I played just a little, but mostly just watched a show. Or at least tried to, as I get extremely easily distracted and can't focus well these days.
In the extra time I investigated the trunk lock issue. I couldn't get it to normally unlatch in any way. However unlike previous attempts, within the first 5 minutes of looking at it I saw what appeared to be a hole that a flat head screwdriver could fit into. It just so happens I brought one that is about 10" long with me and tried it, and the trunk release popped right open.
Unfortunately outside of the many parts being sluggish in movement I see nothing visually wrong with the lock. Pushing it closed to test where I could see it, it seems like a thing rotates, and another thing grabs it and keeps it in position. Neither part moved very easily or quickly. I don't know if that's normal for the lock, but I wonder if that slow stickiness is why it doesn't work correctly.
I also saw the key part has something that looked loose, so I pushed that back into place a bit. Now the key doesn't turn at all, so that part too definitely looks faulty.
Unfortunately while it looks like the housing release to get it open could let me access the main block of the lock and just takes 2 screws to remove it, I don't see any way to remove the part with the lock. There are no screws that's connected to. So even if it were an affordable replacement, I don't know that I could do it without drilling out the key part if I needed to replace that too.
So over the course of just under 1 hour I came to the conclusion that unless it mysteriously rights itself again I will have to leave it in it's now reversed fashion and anytime I need even the smallest thing will have to go through the back door and flip down the back seat and crawl partway over to get anything.
Day 5611 - 11/11 - Heart feels bad
Today my heart feels a bit bad and I feel a bit low emotionally. It makes sense being the second outside day now. I guess I wasn't too cold, so that is something. But I only got to play a little, and watched stuff just a tiny bit, and the rest of the time was forced offline time.
My leg is still having a bit of an issue lifting, but it is getting better. I still have to lift it when getting in the car, but getting dressed and walking around it's pretty normal. I guess I'll mention it to the doc Monday, though it doesn't seem like it would be connected to the meds.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a normal inside the library day, I can do some art homework stuff, and be feeling better again soon.
Day 5612 - 11/12 - Heart feels bad again
Today my heart feels bad again. I guess it has for the past few days too. Today it's more of an acidic feel around it more than it just feels bad, but that might be due to my decision to have nachos. I've been craving them lately, and I really like to have no meat days now and then if I can. The problem with that is with things as they are that means cheese, usually a lot (for me), and with my lactose intolerance that doesn't always end great.
Though it could just be my bad health overall. Things are still very bad, probably much worse than my brain likes to think about, so I deflect it onto less bad issues.
But all I can do is try my best to continue on one day at a time.
Day 5613 - 11/13 - Another appointment
Today I have another appointment. I don't know what to expect since I've already seen the lab results. The doc will probably just talk about what the cholesterol results mean. That's probably the only real concern besides the extreme stress and extremely bad blood pressure.
I don't know what else to expect for the day, but as usual I try to hang on one day at a time.
Day 5614 - 11/14 - Probably regular Tuesday
Today will probably be a regular Tuesday. I know I have an art thing I have to do that is basically a technical non-creative piece, so it should be easy even though it may be boring.
I don't know what else to expect, but hopefully I can continue on one day at a time. And maybe someday I can be in a better place emotionally and physically.