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Epic Fail: The Journal of a Homeless Gamer
Book 16: Different Paths

This is my journal I wrote during the time I was homeless. It is broken up by week for easier reading. Feel free to read it on the web or download the complete .pdf version and print it for reading offline.

View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 1 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 2 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 3 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 4 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 5 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 6 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 7 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 8 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 9 .pdf paperback book, View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 10 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 11 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 12 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 13 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 14 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 15 .pdf paperback book
View/Download the Complete Epic Fail Book 16 .pdf paperback book
These include the Table of Contents, Glossary and links, all weeks, all pictures, and index.

Week 829

Day 5797 - 5/15 - Still so tired

Today I am still so very tired. I guess today was ok. Mostly I spent the day messing around with some art stuff. A couple of people on a new social page I'm on told me about some free programs that would be helpful, so I got very distracted with that. The art I did kind of isn't at all how my brain thought it would turn out. Part of that is that my brain thinks of things that are super professional level. Part of it is I guess I'm still not at all spending the time I need for the very very early setup of the piece. And part is maybe the paper is just too small for the level of detail my brain is thinking of. I think I would probably need the pretty big size that is a little bigger than 11x17 to really do details. That can't really happen until I'm somewhere stable and settled.

I noticed in two weeks there is a holiday on Monday where everywhere good to be will be closed, so I postponed my laundry until then since that is a good day to kill time since I would already basically have several hours of dead time.

I guess today was pretty good other than how tired I still feel.

Day 5798 - 5/16 - Probably gone

Today I feel a bit strange, probably still from lost sleep. Just before class I was quickly reminded why I stopped hanging out at school. My MMO was dropped in less than 5 minutes, and again 5 minutes later, which I suppose that was fine as all I was going to do were super quick daily things. I tried to play a different game, but it didn't even last 1 minute before it showed that it was failing to connect and I couldn't even move. I gave up at that point.

Class was pretty good. We are doing some stuff with these fancy drawing tablets, and fooooof it is really difficult for me to use. Not only is there this weird disconnect with how much I move the pen compared to my mouse, but I also can't at all rest my palm on the surface like I normally do with drawing or mousing. If my hand gets close to the surface it throws off the pen. It's really like you have to hold the pen in the middle and use it more like a brush. I guess I'll get a bit more used to it in time during class, but at this point I think I've used it enough to know I'm good with pencils and pens on paper, I'm meh at doing digital coloring of what I've pulled from those black and white drawings, and I'm just not at all good with paint, brushes, or chalk. Which is a bit sad, as ideally art pulled in digitally should be converted to vector lines before coloring, but to do that with any reasonable speed you need to be good with tablets and the pens.

There is a guy who has been going to the library I go to for much longer than I have been going. He claims not to be homeless, but he is at the library, sitting in his car before it opens, and at the food store until after midnight (I've never gone later than that), so I really don't see how he's not homeless. Unless, as I may have mentioned before, he's so devastated from losing his wife (over 20 years ago) he just can't be in his home. No one has seen or heard from him since Saturday. At this point I'm assuming he's gone. He was not doing great in health in recent times, and he's right around my dad's age in his later 80s. I will shed no tears, nor miss talking to him before the library opens, but it seems strange for such a static figure to be gone. I wonder if people who see me in places feel the same when I am not there.

Day 5799 - 5/17 - So very tired

Today I am so very tired. I'm not sure why as I got the best sleep ever last night. I think I woke up three times to pee, and each time it felt like an entire night had passed. Plus, I got to sleep at a 'normal time' and didn't lose hours of sleep like I have been lately. So I'm not sure why I feel so exhausted and tired.

There isn't much for today save for some sensitivity and feeling like a bit of swelling close to one of my wisdom teeth that never came in. (It grew sideways.) But something bad is always going on with my teeth, so on a 1-10 scale this is maybe a 3. It feels off, but doesn't really bother me.

Hopefully tonight I can sleep super good again and start to feel less tired soon.

Day 5800 - 5/18 - Still so tired, again

Today I am still so very tired. I again lost a few hours of sleep last night, so that was very disappointing. The chicken I got from the store this morning for the day's food is kind of upsetting my tummy. I'm sure it will be ok, but it will likely be another 4 or more hours for it to calm down.

I guess outside of the library's being it's unsurprising freezing cold, it was a pretty regular library day.

Day 5801 - 5/19 - Super cold

Today was a pretty regular day at the library, but I was super cold. I had both hoodies on over my regular cloths. I'm beginning to wonder if my temperature is off. Though I never have any issues in class at school, or when I'm outside and it's warm. I was still super sniffly and had some sneezes too, so maybe I'm just off due to the allergy or cold that won't go away.

Day 5802 - 5/20 - Hopefully relaxed day

Today will hopefully be a relaxed day. I did all my school stuff, so I've nothing that I need to do until Thursday. Hopefully I can have a relaxed and ok day.

Day 5803 - 5/21 - Hopefully relaxed Tuesday

Today I still don't have anything I need to do or anything special to look forward to, so hopefully it can be a restful and relaxed day.

Week 830

Day 5804 - 5/22 - Half asleep

Today I again only got about half of a normal sleep. Surprisingly my mind has been pretty ok and alert. Physically I feel pretty run down and low energy. Thankfully I was alone at my library table most of the day so things were pretty calm. I played a few different games, watched some shows, and did a bit of digital coloring.

While I got a couple of new sketchbooks with the recent surprise money I only just recently started drawing. One turned out super good lately, but two others I've done so far were just meh. I think part of it is I do need to get better at the very basic elements of the drawing. I think part of it is my paper size is too small to allow for the details my brain thinks of. Plus I just don't really have great skills yet, so what my brain thinks of is much more elaborate than what I can do. But for now it's fun, so I continue to keep trying.

Day 5805 - 5/23 - Still pretty tired

Today I am still pretty tired. Class was good, though it didn't say much new. The assignment seems pretty fun, though I may not be great at it. Not really anything else to say because most of the day was just class.

Day 5806 - 5/24 - Quiet day

Today was a very quiet day. I think mostly in my head it seemed very quiet. I think in part it's because I lost sleep again last night, and then slept weird, but also because my brain just wasn't thinking about stuff. Today was just all passive activities really that took no thought. Maybe too because I was watching shows where people were playing fun games and so not having people to play things with I guess was a bit sad.

Day 5807 - 5/25 - Choking

Today I feel, I guess kind of sad and lonely. I think part of it started when I did a bad job with my animation class assignment. I had this big idea and it just didn't work out how I thought. I think I know the major reasons for that, so hopefully I learned something.

I also just felt pretty lonely and alone playing my games lately because I played alone. But also alone because a couple of games would be better with friends. But I don't have any friends that I play with, let alone ones who would play my games with me.

The food I got was also not great, and my G.E.R.D.S. caused me to choke on it a bit during dinner, so that never feels great.

I guess I slept ok, though I feel very tired. Maybe tonight I'll sleep better again and feel better tomorrow.

Day 5808 - 5/26 - Sneezing and cold

Today I was very sneezy and freezing cold. I had both my hoodies on and I was still clenching my teeth from being cold. I don't know if it was the library or just me. Others didn't seem bothered so I may be a bit sick.

Day 5809 - 5/27 - Sad outside day

Today will have to be a day outside, which likely will be pretty sad since it has been nearly winter type temperatures lately. It's closer to 70F than the 80F it should be for this time of year. The connection may be bad too, as the connection in that location wasn't great Sunday morning. But all I can do is hope for the best, and remember it's just one day.

Day 5810 - 5/28 - Hopefully regular day

Today will hopefully be a pretty regular day. I'll do a shower in the morning since things were closed Monday, but other than that I expect a pretty regular day at the library.

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